


The Sith Acolyte- Book 2

by AndromedaRising897



Series: The Sith Acolyte [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, The Mandalorian (TV)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Bondage, Childhood Trauma, Come Swallowing, Control, Control Issues, Dark Kylo Ren, Discipline, Dominance, Dominant Kylo Ren, Dubious Ethics, Dubious Morality, F/F, F/M, First Order Politics (Star Wars), Flogging, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Bond Shenanigans, Group Sex, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Kylo Ren Has Issues, M/M, Major Original Character(s), Masochism, Multi, Orgasm, Orgy, Original Character-centric, Other, POV Original Character, Pain, Possessive Kylo Ren, Power Play, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Public Sex, Rope Bondage, Rough Oral Sex, Rough Sex, S&M, Sadism, Sex Drugs and Rock and Roll, Sex Is Fun, Sith Politics, Sith Training, Space Battles, Space Opera, Submission, The Dark Side of the Force, Trauma, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2020-01-29
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:41:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 196,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21535381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndromedaRising897/pseuds/AndromedaRising897
Summary: Kylo Ren has defected from the Jedi and the Light.On a mission to destroy a Resistance base, he captures a young woman who has ties to his Master. She seduces him, and convinces his Master to take her on as a Sith apprentice.She is taken to the Sith planet of Korriban for training, but proves herself to be rebellious and undisciplined. She survives this trial, creating a powerful connection with the Force.Now Kylo Ren will be faced with an equal in the Darkside, just as the First Order is launching a new plan to take control of the Galaxy…
Relationships: Female Sith Warrior & Others, Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s), Male Sith Warrior/Original Character(s)
Series: The Sith Acolyte [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1491287
Comments: 94
Kudos: 84





	1. The Estate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the first chapter of Part 2 in the Sith Acolyte Series. 
> 
> Part 1: Tl;dr  
> Kylo Ren is seduced by a force-sensitive Rebel prisoner with ties to his Master.  
> The girl is taken in as a new Sith apprentice, while Ren gets sent out on shit detail for his transgression. The girl barely survives her training on Korriban.  
> Now Ren has a partner in the Darkside, just as the First Order is launching a new plan to take control of the Galaxy…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're starting book 2! 
> 
> There are a lot of twists and turns ahead. We'll be learning more about the First Order, and we'll start getting introduced to some of our favorite characters over the next few chapters.

**I**

I woke up completely disoriented. The room was pitch black and the air felt unfamiliar. The low hum of the engines brought me back to myself. I was on a ship. I was in hyperspace, traveling with Ymir.

There was something very uncomfortable on my face and I rubbed at it. Pain bloomed across my cheek and eye and I felt med tape - rough under my fingers. 

The burn was tender and I remembered the fight, Ymir’s golden lightsaber blade hovering over my eye. 

I made a heavy sigh and rolled onto my back. I reached my arm over my head and fumbled behind me for the button until the lights came on. I stared at the metal ceiling, giving my mind time to adjust.

Sleep had made my thoughts syrupy and slow. I had no idea how long I had slept.

When I felt ready, I climbed out of bed took a piss in a toilet, a small luxury after using a bucket for so long. 

Afterwards, I opened the locker set into the wall of my room and found a plain, gray robe. I pulled it over myself, loosely tying the fabric belt at my waist. The kyber crystals stayed around my neck. 

The droid was waiting outside the door. 

“How long has it been since I went in the room?” I asked, rubbing my good eye. 

“Thirty hours and seventeen minutes,” the droid answered in its precise mechanical voice. 

I had needed every moment of it. I stifled a yawn and shuffled barefoot down the hallway to the kitchen. The droid slowly trailing me.

Astrid was at the table, a utensil in one hand and a tablet resting in the other. 

“You’re up,” she said putting the tablet down. 

“I can’t remember the last time I slept that long,” I said. My voice was hoarse and I coughed into my fist to clear my throat. 

“How are you feeling?” she asked, as she stood.

Astrid was dressed in a slate-gray uniform. Her cap was resting on the table.

“Like I got hit by a speeder,” I said moving to a cabinet to get a cup of water. 

“I’ll have NZ-7 prepare a meal for you. Come and sit at the table,” Astrid replied then started giving the droid instructions. 

I took a seat in the alcove, taking slow sips of water. I was so grateful to be drinking water that I knew was safe. It was cool and fresh - no strange mineral taste - and it came from a tap. I could have as much as I wanted. 

“What were you reading?” I asked, glancing down at the tablet as she returned to her seat.

“I’ve been catching up on journal articles,” she said with a kind smile. 

“How are things on the Finalizer these days?” I asked, “How’s Ren?”

I had been caught off guard when Astrid said he was the one to have her brought along for this trip. I wanted to know more. 

“It’s a military vessel, Admiral Clive makes sure things run the same from day to day,” she said, “I’m not sure how Kylo Ren is doing. He’s been off on other assignments since Taltua.”

I was surprised to hear he wasn’t back on the Finalizer. Ymir and Snoke were serious about shit detail. 

The droid brought me a cup of soup and a dish with mashed vegetables. My first meal that wasn’t a calorie pouch or shyrack meat. 

Astrid understood what I was asking and continued, “Kylo Ren contacted me for this assignment. He let me know the circumstances of your training. He felt that it would be helpful for you to have a physician that you already knew.”

I was grateful. Astrid was much better than a paunchy starship doctor. 

“Yeah, it was nice of him,” I said, remembering the two swords he had hidden in my kit bag. 

I drank some of the soup. The salt lit up my tongue. I savored the little pieces of meat and vegetables. 

“Is Ymir up?” I asked. 

“He’s attending to business. NZ-7 should have sent him an alert that you left your quarters.”

I had started on the vegetables, my mouth was watering as I tasted spices. 

“I want to replace your bandages and get another round of fluids in you,” Astrid said, studying me, “I’ll be making a wellness plan for your recovery, so I’ll be asking you more questions about your day-to-day on Korriban.”

Wonderful. 

When I was done with breakfast, Astrid led me down the hall to the med bay. 

She was being kind to me, but I knew better than to open up too much to her. Every word I said would go right back to Ymir. 

Inside the med bay, Astrid had me sit on the table and started preparing an IV. “Now let’s see how that burn is doing,” she said after she was done with the needles in my arm.

Astrid removed the med tape and took time cleaning the wound. 

“This is going to leave a scar,” she said, “I can look into options to reduce the appearance of it, but that’s all we’ll be able to do at this point.”

“I didn’t think I had other options,” I said, making a small laugh. 

After all of this, a scar on my face was the least of my concerns. 

As Astrid set the bandage, she began to ask me questions about my time on Korriban. 

I told her about my meager diet, the shyracks and rationed calorie pouches. She asked about my system for water collection and she kept her expression carefully neutral as I described filtering the sand out with a shirt and boiling it in pots from the remains of the kitchen. 

“The initial screening on your bloodwork shows high levels of environmental contaminants. We’ll be able to address all of it, that’s what the blue IV is for. It’s good that you had a relatively short window of exposure.”

She ran some tests on my eye using her instrument. My vision hadn’t changed; it was still fuzzy, like a fogged up window. When she was done with tests on my eye she reapplied fresh med tape, smoothing it over my eye and cheek. 

The tablet came out for her next round of questions. Astrid asked about my general health: Did I have any illnesses or infections while I was on the planet? She asked about the regularity of my periods, and I told her about Ymir’s oversight and my miserable days in the Academy. She gave me a sympathetic look. 

After the IV bags were done Astrid started a physical exam. I disrobed and she ran the scanner across me, looking at my spine, my muscles, spending more time looking at the scars on my left forearm. She had me breathe into a machine to test my lungs, which ended in a coughing fit. 

I wasn’t used to talking for this much time and I found myself becoming tired. It was taking me longer to find words and put together sentences. 

There was a part of my brain that was still stuck in my routine on Korriban. As I talked with Astrid I was catching myself making plans to go collect water, and wondering about my supply of shyrack meat. 

I didn’t like feeling weak like this.

Astrid noticed that I was starting to drift and spared me, “That’s all I need from you for today. You should take a rest.”

I nodded gratefully and returned to my room. 

My head felt stuffy. My thoughts were all gummed up. 

I laid down on the floor and settled my awareness through the ship, taking care to keep my aura cloaked. I sank into the metal walls, the electricity running through the wires and machinery, the engine burning fuel. 

When I tried to move myself beyond the ship it felt like plunging my face directly into an icy river. 

We were moving through hyperspace. I couldn’t sense anything beyond the ship. 

I brought myself back to the room - back to my body. I ran my awareness through myself, from the top of my head, to the steady movement of my heart and lungs, my growling stomach, my spine, my hips, my toes. 

Feeling more settled, I took another shower, slowly working out the stubborn knots and tangles in my hair. 

I was rummaging in the bottom drawers for fresh clothes when there was an alert on the console. 

“Siobhan,” came Ymir’s voice, “meet me in my quarters.”

I grimaced. 

“Sure thing,” I called out. 

I pulled on a shirt and leggings and tucked the pouch of kyber crystals under my collar. 

**II**

The droid plodded behind me as I walked to Ymir’s quarters. 

“Can you change the security settings on that thing? It’s been on my ass since I stepped aboard this ship,” I said irritably as I walked in. The droid took a post by the door.

Ymir was in the sitting area, a holoscreen pulled up in front of him. 

He made a droll smirk as I dropped into the seat across from him, “Well it looks like you’re feeling better.”

“How’s that scrape doing?” I asked, pointing at his abdomen. 

He was wearing loose informal clothing, stuff that wouldn’t press against the wound.

“It could be worse,” he said breezily, not reacting to my jab, “You could have done some real damage if you had gotten the blade into my guts.” 

I found myself grinning at him, “Are you still critiquing my swordsmanship?”

Ymir made a sarcastic little smile and turned off the holoscreen.

“I called you in because I want to know how you came across your kyber crystals,” he said, back to business. 

I shrugged, “I found them in the grassland.”

Ymir waited patiently, hands folded in his lap. 

I didn’t want to talk to him. He had left me abandoned on that planet - what gave him the right to know what I had gone through?

His posture indicated he was willing to wait as long as he needed for me to talk. 

I took a breath. “It was after I broke free from the creature,” I said, still unwilling to tell him about how I had burned down the grassland, “I was walking back from the rock and I felt something sharp underneath my boot.”

“You weren’t on your speeder?” Ymir asked. 

He was paying attention. 

“No,” I said, “I had walked out to the rock.”

He didn’t need to know that I had made a habit of it - that, by that time, I was regularly toying with the creature. 

“When I was at the border, I felt them underneath my boot, and I dug them out of the sand.”

Ymir allowed silence to stretch between us. 

That was all I was going to say. 

“The Jedi and the Sith used to mine their crystals from the Ilum System. There were specific rituals with the Master and student relationship, for both branches,” he began, using his lecturing tone, “Yours are curious to me… I found my crystal in an underwater cave so I understand how they can appear… but green kyber crystals are associated with the Jedi. It’s a stretch of the imagination for them to be on Korriban.”

“Are you worried I made a connection with the Light?” I asked with a sneer. 

“No. I’m not,” Ymir said firmly, “Those tattoos you made - you used your pain as a tool for your survival. That’s the Darkside, through and through. ”

My jaw was tight and I realized I had put my hand over my left forearm. 

Ymir leaned forward, his expression was open and kind, “You exceeded all of my expectations, Siobhan. I know that you’re hurting right now. I want to help you, but I can’t if you keep pulling away from me.”

He couldn’t feel my aura. He couldn’t reach me the way he could before, dipping into my heart and my mind. But he could see what I had done. He had seen the rancor skull. He knew that I had destroyed the creature in the grassland, that I had started a fire through my connection with the Force. 

I wasn’t ready to let him in, allowing my torturer to become my teacher. 

My emotions were roiling in my chest and I couldn’t find the words. It was taking all of my control to keep from crying. 

“I can give you some time Siobhan, but now is when we need to be working. I can help you turn this rawness into strength.”

I stood up. I couldn’t be in the room with him for another second. I turned on my heel and left the room, clutching my elbows. 

Ymir watched me with those warm, brown eyes and I hated the feeling of his gaze, knowing that he saw right through me. 

It wasn’t until I returned to my room that I realized the droid hadn’t followed. 

**III**

In my room, I wept silently into my pillow. When I was all cried out, I let myself rest in the darkness. 

My dreams were red. 

In my sleeping mind, I moved through a day on Korriban; training in the Academy, sitting on the stone patio starting out at the gates to the valley; I went out to the grassland to pump water, and it was exactly like how I remembered it - dry stems rustling in the wind. This time, when the figure of my father stepped out, he didn’t have the glassy dead-eyed expression I was used to. He looked exactly like my father. 

He stepped forward, meeting my eyes, pointing a finger, “You killed me.”

I jolted awake, my heart thundering in my chest. Panic flooded my veins and I jumped out of bed, my head swivelling in the pitch black room.

With my bare feet on the smooth, icy, metal floors, I remembered where I was. 

I was on a ship. I was parsecs away from Korriban. 

I found the lights and pulled on a robe. 

I needed a change of scenery. I padded out of my room, relieved to see the droid wasn’t waiting for me, and shuffled down to the kitchen. 

The dream had unsettled me. 

I poured a cup of water and sat at the table, taking slow sips, my gaze unfocused. 

My life had turned into one long nightmare, but now I was safe. Relatively safe. 

When the cup was empty, I started looking through cabinets for a meal. 

There were dozens of different trays of food. I slowly read the package labels, amazed at the variety. It was hard to make a decision, so I put two in the heating cabinet. 

I ate alone at the table. I had finished the first tray and was slowly working on the second when Astrid came in, wearing simple, navy-blue pajamas and holding a mug. 

She startled when she saw me at the table. “Siobhan!” she exclaimed, with an embarrassed shake of her head, “I thought everyone was in their quarters.”

I made a friendly smile, feeling the med tape wrinkle on the left side of my face, “I’m all thrown off. I came in for dinner, or breakfast, or whatever this is.”

Astrid headed to the counter, cleaning out her mug, “I was just going to make another cup of tea. Do you want one?” she asked, turning towards me. 

“No,” I answered. I was done drinking tea, “Thanks though.”

Astrid took a seat on the bench while the water heated up. She seemed relaxed. This was after hours in the kitchen. She wasn’t acting like she was on duty. 

“What are you working on?” I asked. 

She rubbed at her eyes and yawned, “Just getting in a few hours of data analysis.:

“Oh?” I asked, taking a bite. 

“I’m a researcher as well as a physician,” Astrid answered, “My field is epigenetic expression and gene editing.”

I made a low whistle, “That’s way above my paygrade.” 

I had no idea what she was talking about. 

She made a sweet smile. 

The kettle was boiling.  
Astrid filled her mug, and surprised me by sitting back down at the table. 

“I need to take a break. Is it alright if I sit here with you?” she asked. 

It was more than all right. 

There was a slight tug in my mind that I shouldn’t trust her - I knew that she worked under Kylo Ren and would be Ymir’s eyes and ears - but I was desperate for a conversation, for any interaction. 

“Yeah, sure thing,” I said, “It’s nice to have a friendly face on this ship.”

Was that a blush? Astrid tucked a short lock of red hair behind her ear and sipped at her tea. 

“This assignment has been a welcome change. I haven’t been off the Finalizer in over a year,” she said.

I made a sympathetic frown, “Not much shore leave with the First Order?”

“Not on elite Star Destroyers, at least.”

“So how did you get pulled into all of this?” I asked, “I can’t imagine just any medic being assigned to Kylo Ren.”

Astrid made another little smile, “Both my parents served the Empire. My mother was a decorated battlefield medic. I wanted to follow in her footsteps, not just work in a military hospital in the central systems.”

She leaned toward me in a conspiratorial way, “We picked you up as a Resistance soldier. The word on the Finalizer is that you come from a long line of Rebel fighters. How did you get pulled into all of this?” 

I smiled roguishly, “My Rebel blood really just goes back to my father. Him and his brothers were pilots with the Alliance.”

The dream rose up in my memory, the finger leveled at me and his accusation - “You killed me.”

I pushed the thought away. 

“My family went into hiding after the war, but my homeworld was one of the first planets colonized by the First Order. They found my father and we were brought before Ymir. He felt my connection with the Force, with the Darkside.”

It was what I felt comfortable telling her. It was close enough to the truth. 

Astrid tilted her head to the side, “My parents served under Darth Vader and now I’m serving under Kylo Ren, but the Sith are still a mystery to me.”

And now I was one of them. 

She paused, expression growing thoughtful, “Kylo Ren briefed me on Korriban before the assignment. It was very different experiencing it in person.” Her words were careful, not wanting to overstep herself, “They didn’t know if you were still alive. You’re strong.”

I looked up at her, meeting those gorgeous blue eyes, an oasis after so much time alone. 

Astrid stood, mug in hand, “I’m going to get back to my work,” she said, “Good night Siobhan.”

“Good night,” I echoed. 

There were more nightmares waiting for me when I went to sleep. For the first time in weeks, I heard the screaming of acolytes. I dreamed of talons and harsh sun. The sand burned my feet as I ran through the dunes, a sense of danger following my every step. 

**IV**

Going from a planet like Korriban to a seventy-two hour trip in hyperspace was giving my body whiplash. 

When I woke up, I stayed in my quarters for a long time, collecting myself. 

The burn on my face stung. It was difficult adjusting to only having one eye. I felt off-balance.

Eventually, I left the room. I was dressed in my bathrobe, feet bare. Astrid was ready with another round of IVs. After the needles were set, she began changing the bandages on my face. 

“I’ll see to this when we land,” she said as she set a fresh patch over my eye and a strip of med tape down my cheek, “Lord Ymir told me that I’ll have full access to his med bay. I’d like to do the surgery when we arrive.”

“Sounds good to me.” I felt like a castaway, shuffling around this ship with my unkempt hair and a patch over half my face. I wanted to return to myself as soon as possible. 

Halfway through the IVs, Ymir came in. He was wearing the red drawstring pants I recognized from our first week training together. 

“How’s your progress?” he asked, remaining on his feet. I hoped it was because sitting hurt his wound. 

“Never better,” I said, gesturing to the patch on my face and the tubes in my arms.

Astrid stepped in, “She’s stabilizing. We’ll be tending to her eye when we arrive.”

“I’ll send a message down so they can have everything prepared,” Ymir responded, “I estimate we’ll be planetside in two hours. NZ-7 will pack up your supplies. You can let the droid know if you have any special instructions. Siobhan, come to my quarters when you’re done with Astrid.”

***

Ymir was at work on his holoscreen when I entered. 

“Come in. Take a seat.”

He had showered. His hair was neatly tied. A set of robes hung on a rack near the bed. 

“I’d like to help prepare you for what to expect when we arrive at my estate.”

Everything had been so disorienting. I hadn’t spent any time thinking about what lay ahead. 

Estate. Even the word was unfamiliar to me. I understood that people had massive properties and homes, but it wasn’t something I had ever seen for myself. 

I gave him a nod. 

“My home is on Kotrea. I own the planet and I’ve made my home on the moon above it...”

I knew of the planet - a stronghold for the wealthiest leaders from both the remains of the Empire and the new First Order elite. I didn’t have enough time to wrap my mind around it. Ymir was moving on. 

“My estate is private. We’ll take care of your medical needs, and prepare you for assignments, once you’re recovered.”

“For how long?” I asked. 

It sounded like a prison, just with another name. A moon in the inner rim. It sounded like I’d be completely contained on Ymir’s property. 

“That depends on your recovery and my assessment of your training,” he said, “I have a workshop, so you’ll be able to start construction on your lightsabers as soon as you’d like.”

My ears perked up at that news. 

“We’ll also be preparing you for society. You are a representative of the First Order and the Order of the Sith. You’ll have a personal attendant. They’ll be seeing to your clothing and preparing you with basic etiquette for state functions.”

So I’d be learning how to rub shoulders with his friends in polite society. I remembered my conversation with Rajendra at Snoke’s palace. That man had caught me off guard with his breezy playboy act, trying to get information about Ymir. 

Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad. 

“For now, we’ll be using your given name, but Lin Siniang will be your public name. It’s allowed me to get ahead of the Finalizer gossip.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Astrid said that Ren still isn’t back on the ship. I figured you were only sending him out for a week or two.”

Ymir gave me a look, “Kylo Ren wrapped up his mission on Anoat many weeks ago. Since then he’s been working with his Knights on missions against the Resistance.” He changed the topic, “Tomorrow, you and I will resume regular training. We’ll be meditating together as well as conducting physical practice. I’ll also be working to prepare you for state duties.”

I gave him a wry look, “You’re going to polish me up?”

Ymir laughed, a warm sound, “Not too much,” he said. He glanced down to his tablet, “We’ll be leaving hyperspace in half an hour, go get ready. I want you in something more than a bathrobe.”

“Sure thing,” I said. 

I returned to my quarters. I showered and changed into a fresh tunic and leggings. 

Ymir sent out the alert we’d be leaving hyperspace. 

Before I left the room, I took time to look at myself in the mirror. I still looked rough - skinny, with medtape covering half my face. 

I was Siobhan Zhang, the mysterious new Sith acolyte, fresh from training on Korriban. 

I brought my hand to the Kyber crystals in the pouch underneath my clothes to steel myself for whatever lay ahead. 

**V**

I walked down the hall and met Ymir in the cockpit. He was in the captain’s chair, dressed in his familiar utility clothes with a green half-cloak draped over his jacket. 

I took the copilot’s chair and watched as we approached Kotrea and her moon. 

For the first time in over seventy days, I saw the color blue. I leaned forward in my seat, marvelling at the view. 

The next thing I noticed was a strong First Order presence. I could see the slight shimmer of a defense field around the planet and its orbiting moon. There was a flotilla of Star Destroyers and accompanying vessels stationed between them. 

As we drew closer, TIE fighters on security patrols skimmed past us, flashing a welcome signal with their lights. 

Ymir opened a comms line, hands moving smoothly over the controls. 

“Lord Ymir,” came a prim voice.

“Bergen, we’ll be landing in fifteen minutes. Doctor Vogt will need the infirmary prepared. Inform Ekene of our ETA.”

“Yes, Lord Ymir.”

We swooped towards the moon, traveling smoothly through the atmosphere. 

We made our way through thick swirls of clouds - water vapor instead of dust - and soared over lakes and dense forests. It was lush, all in shades of green and blue. 

Tears pressed at the lower lid of my good eye. 

Ymir hit the coms button and let Astrid know we would be landing. 

I sat in the copilot’s chair with my legs crossed, silently weeping. I was transfixed by all the life stretching out beneath us. 

The estate lay ahead of us, the forest giving way to rolling hills and emerald green lawns. 

I noticed another defensive shield, a bubble around the property. We glided over a compound dotted with buildings, paths, and gardens. 

We were headed towards a massive building, I assumed it was the house. I had never seen anything like it. 

The exterior was made entirely of glass shaped in wide arcs, creating a fan shape. The smallest arc had to be fifty meters high. The largest could be seventy or more. 

I had never seen a building so grand. I tried not to gape. 

Ymir took us down to a landing pad on the side of the building. There was a small group of people and droids assembled outside. 

“Welcome to my home,” he said, clapping me on the shoulder as he stood. 

It felt like when I had arrived on my mother’s homeworld - a farmgirl seeing a city for the first time in her life. 

I slid out of my chair and followed Ymir through the hall to the cargo bay. 

The droid already had two supply crates stacked in its long arms. 

Astrid joined us, neatly dressed in her uniform.

The three of us headed down the ramp to meet our welcome party. 

A middle-aged human male in a gray and navy uniform headed up the group. “Welcome back Lord Ymir,” he said, with a polite bow. 

“Bergen,” Ymir greeted, “This is my acolyte Siobhan Zhang, and Dr. Astrid Vogt.”

The servant made shorter bows to both of us, “We have their rooms prepared. Tasha will serve as Madam Zhang’s attendant.”A green-skinned Twi’lek wearing a white and navy dress made a small curtsy.

The droids in the welcome party had started up the ramp to unload Ymir and Astrid’s things. 

“Do you need anything, Lord Ymir?” the man asked. 

“Astrid and Siobhan will need to use the med bay. Make sure my physicians are prepared to orient them.”

“Yes, Lord Ymir,” he said. 

Another man was heading towards us from the house. He was strikingly handsome - dark-skinned, tall, and broad-shouldered. He wore his hair in tight locks that fell down his back. His fine silk robes streamed behind him as he strode towards us, shining a brilliant shade of blue in the sunlight. 

“Lord Ymir!” he called with a wide smile. 

“Ekene,” Ymir responded, and I noticed the way his expression lit up. The man moved through the group of servants and gave Ymir a warm embrace. When they separated, he looked between me and Astrid. Ymir made introductions, “Ekene, this is my apprentice, Siobhan Zhang.”

Ekene took my hand, giving a firm shake. His dark eyes were sparkling as he looked at me, “Zhang, it’s a pleasure to meet you. I’ve heard so much about you.”

I gave him a friendly smile, wondering exactly what he had heard about me. As I looked at him I felt something; a whisper of energy, but nothing I could put my finger on. 

Ymir was still talking, “Siobhan, Astrid, this is my companion, Ekene Duru, head of Donnall Extraction,” Ymir said.

Companion. I shouldn’t have been so surprised. 

“Pleasure to meet you, sir,” Astrid said as she shook his hand. 

“Please, call me Ekene,” he said with casual grace. 

I didn’t have enough time to figure out what that little nudge at my awareness meant. 

“Let’s move this inside the house,” Ymir said, and turned to a servant, “Crate 005 has specimens from Korriban, that should go to my workshop.”

“Yes, Lord Ymir.”

Our group, with the twi’lek woman, moved into the house. 

My head was whirling from the rapid change. It was enough to be breathing fresh air, feeling the gentle warmth of the sun on my skin. 

I took a breath to steady myself. I was supposed to be here. I fought the urge to crane my head up at the glass structure rising dozens of meters above me. 

We stepped into an atrium, lush and humid, vines and flowers wrapping overhead, and didn’t waste a moment before moving forward into the house. 

This was Ymir’s home. It wasn’t a small miracle to him. 

The interior was bright and airy, made from cream-colored marble with wood and gold accents near the ceiling. 

This was as much a palace as Snoke’s, but this wasn’t a court for politics and business, it was his home. 

Ahead of us, Ekene and Ymir walked together, catching up. I was too stunned by the wealth around me to be paying attention to their conversation. 

Ymir turned to us, “Astrid, would you like to be seen to your rooms or to go right to the med bay?”

“I’d like to meet your team and begin treatment on Siobhan, Lord Ymir,” she said. 

“Tasha, will you please see Siobhan and Astrid to the med bay?” he said. 

“Yes Lord Ymir,” the twi’lek woman said, with a polite bow, and turned to us, “Follow me please.”

She had a gentle, lisping accent that I tried to place. It was familiar, a regional dialect that I had heard before, but I couldn’t remember where it came from. 

***

We followed Tasha through wide hallways and grand staircases. Her head tails were elegantly bound up in navy-blue wrapping, it looked sleek, but had to be uncomfortable. 

She kept up a professional patter as she walked, telling us about the house. 

It was probably useful information, but I was too overwhelmed to take it in. It was hard not to stare like a tourist. 

Astrid walked like a soldier, her uniform boots making a precise rhythm over the rugs and smooth stone floors. She kept her gaze straight ahead as we walked through the halls. 

At Snoke’s, it had felt easy to keep up a sneering attitude - Ymir had decided to take me in for training. I had just helped them take a Resistance base, and was sharing a bed with Ren. I had been so confident then. 

Now I felt like a shadow of myself - skinny, with lingering tangles in my hair, med-tape covering half my face. Ymir had bested me again and I’d have a scar to show for it. 

I brought my hand to the pouch of kyber crystals underneath my tunic. 

***

Soon we were in the receiving room for the med bay. It was a sterile place with beige walls and floors. 

A frosted-glass door slid open and we were greeted by a human doctor and a droid. 

Tasha made introductions, “Dr. Shoan, RD-751, this is Madam Zhang, Lord Ymir’s acolyte, and Dr. Vogt, personal physician to Kylo Ren on the Finalizer. She will have full use of the facilities.”

Astrid shook hands with the human doctor, a severe-looking middle aged woman with very fine whitish-blond hair. Her eyebrows and eyelashes were so pale I could hardly see them. 

Tasha made a polite nod of her head, green hands clasped in front of her, “Madam Zhang, Dr. Vogt, I’ll be waiting to take you to your rooms. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you in the meantime.” 

“Thanks,” I said, dismissing her. 

**V**

I was led to a small, sterile room and directed to take a seat in an exam chair. A large light fixture floated overhead. 

Astrid talked with the woman and the droid, using a lot of words that I didn’t understand. 

I tried to relax, trusting her to take care of me. 

Another round of IVs were prepared. I felt exposed as the three doctors tended to the wounds on my forearm, the burn on my face, and the damage to my eye. 

For once, I did as I was told. 

Astrid worked precisely and efficiently. She kept a floating tray of instruments and the droid at her side. 

The patch and the med tape were removed from my face, and the droid examined me with an instrument from somewhere inside its arm. Then they began to work on my eye. 

“This is going to be the most uncomfortable part,” Astrid said. 

“Alright,” I replied, starting to feel nervous about what was coming next.

Astrid leaned the chair back and put a device over my lid to hold it open. 

“I’m going to use numbing drops on your eye, then we’ll do the procedure. I’ll be conducting vision tests throughout and doing periodic check-ins with you. Please let me know if anything is painful.”

“Understood,” I said, my voice stiff. 

With the numbing drops and the device holding the lid open, my eye felt like a marble sitting in my head. They covered my right eye and then blasted light into my left.

Slowly, but surely, my vision began to return - colors were becoming brighter and the fuzziness was being removed layer by layer. 

The discomfort was worth it. I had use of both eyes again. 

When they were done, the chair was brought upright and they had me do vision tests. Everything seemed back to normal. 

“We’ll put another patch on for now and do a second round of tests tomorrow. You should be all done before the afternoon,” Astrid said, and she gave my hand a comforting squeeze.

“Thanks,” I replied. 

They taped my eye and the burn back up. I had more blood drawn and the IV tubes were removed. 

The severe blond led me to the door and I found Tasha waiting for me outside. 

I followed her in a daze.

We wound through more hallways and staircases. 

I had never been in a building like this. The ceilings were high. There were chandeliers and gorgeous glass sculptures above us. The walls were decorated with paintings and tapestries. 

Tasha stopped in front of a paneled wooden door. “Dr. Vogt will be staying in the suite across from you.” I’d have a neighbor. “We decided it would be best for your recovery,” she said as I stepped inside. 

My suite was just as grand as the rest of the house. 

We stepped into a sitting area, two couches and chairs set up on a plush rug in blue and gold , a low table between them. 

Tasha was giving me her spiel, “Madam, I was told that you wouldn’t have any personal belongings with you. You’ll find all the basics, and please let me know if you need anything at all.”

To the left was a liquor cabinet, stately wood and gold. 

“I’d like a drink,” I said. 

“Of course ma’am,” she said moving towards the cabinet. 

“Whiskey,” I added, before she could ask. 

As she poured me a glass, I looked around. To the right of the sitting area was a dining nook set into the wall, two benches with a table between them. 

In front of me was the bedroom and a set of windows. 

I took the drink from Tasha and looked around while she continued to talk. The whiskey was the best thing I had tasted in ages; the bite was sharp at the beginning, becoming mellow and smokey at the end. 

I stepped forward to the windows, draped in sheer gold curtains, and looked out into a garden. 

“It’s beautiful,” I said. 

“There are three indoor gardens in the house. I’m glad you enjoy it,” Tasha replied. 

I gazed out at a little stone patio and the expanse of trees, grass, and flowers beyond. I realized she was still talking behind me. 

I turned to her, “Tasha, I appreciate everything you’re doing, but I need some time alone.”

She drew herself in, hands clasped in front of her and eyes towards the ground, “Of course, madam. Call me when you need me.”

“Thanks,” I replied meeting her eyes, wanting to make it clear I wasn’t upset with her. 

She seemed very nice, but I couldn’t take in any new information. 

With my drink in hand, I stepped out to the shady stone patio. In this little garden, the air felt cool and still around me. 

I leaned my arms on the railing and closed my eye, taking slow and even breaths, returning to myself. 

When I felt more steady, I opened my eyes and looked out to the trees and vines and flowers ahead. 

I rested the heavy, crystal glass on the ledge, and unlaced my boots, dropping them on the stones behind me. I lifted myself over the railing and slowly lowered my toes into the grass. I sighed as I felt the soft blades bend under my feet. 

Life. 

There was fucking grass beneath me. No more red stone, or sand, or windowless metal rooms. 

I leaned against the railing and picked up my drink, closing my eyes as I sipped the sharp, smoky liquor. 

I took my time, relishing the experience of being outside on a hospitable planet. 

Even my awareness felt different here. There was so much going on - the plants, the bugs, the birds, the servants and droids moving through the hallways. It was like hearing cross-feeds on a radio channel, energies rising and falling across me. 

I closed my eyes and expanded myself outwards, across the grounds, up into that beautiful sky. I let the chaos surround me, accepting it - all the different sounds and sensations moving, passing by. 

It made Korriban seem even more desolate by comparison. That planet had been so quiet. Here, there weren’t the same points of anchored energy, but thousands of connections and paths flowing and weaving together.

I returned to myself and finished my drink, the alcohol filling me with a soft warmth. 

Feeling less overwhelmed, I neatly slid over the railing and returned to the room. I found a console by my bed and quickly found the line to call Tasha in. 

The bed was large, a wide mattress with layers of blankets and rows of pillows that covered most of the smooth, wooden headboard. 

I ran my hand over the blankets and noticed a doorway leading off from this room - it must be the bathroom. I walked through and found myself in another lounge. One wall had cushy chairs and a countertop, the other was taken up with floor-to-ceiling mirrors. 

I stared at myself - skinny, hair dry and unkempt, the damned med-tape still on my face. I lifted the tunic over my head and pushed the leggings down, kicking the clothing to the side. 

The door to my room opened, and I heard Tasha’s feet on the floor. 

“I’m not decent!” I called out, not interested in having her stumble across me. 

There was a brief pause, then she continued through the bedroom, stopping near the entrance to the doorway. She couldn’t see me. 

I was prodding at my ribs and holding one arm up, looking at all the hair that had cropped up in seventy days. 

“Madam,” she began, polite and timid, “Lord Ymir plans to have you join him for dinner. I’ll be helping you to prepare.”

Well, she had the raw material to work with. 

“I’ll grab a towel,” I called and moved out of the lounge and into the bathroom. 

The room was absurd. 

There was a shower next to a massive stone tub, a counter with more mirrors, and two sinks. Beyond that was the entrance to an open closet. 

All this for one person?

I found a rack of neatly folded towels near the shower, wrapped one around myself, and met Tasha in the bedroom. 

“This is going to be a two person job,” I said with a grin, and watched her fight a smile. 

I knew what to expect. A few of the clients I had at the brothel were wealthy enough to have servants that were responsible for overseeing grooming and appearance. 

I let the woman get to work. 

I started with a shower. Tasha helped me figure out the dials and controls. The shower was a step away from an auto-wash. Water poured down from a grid in the ceiling. There were nozzles in the wall that could hose me down, but that was too much for me to try now. 

Having this much access to water seemed ridiculous after what I had just gone through.

Stubbornly, I kept my pouch of kyber crystals around my neck. I wasn’t willing to leave them lying around. 

“I want to shave. Got anything for that?” I called over the flow of water. 

In moments Tasha passed me a little tray with a fine metal razor and shaving cream. 

With hot water and steam surrounding me, I took off another layer of the ordeal, running my hands along my freshly smooth skin.

When I climbed out, she handed me a towel and then passed me a soft thin robe. I noticed that she had set up a grooming station. 

“I’ll begin with your hair, madam,” Tasha said, motioning towards a chair. 

She started by combing out all the tangles, applying different oils and serums. 

“I can give you a haircut,” she offered. 

I wanted one, but I wasn’t ready for more change yet. “Can you just trim the ends?”

“Of course, madam.” After trimming and drying my hair, she started on the rest of me, making introductory small talk. “I’ll be your personal attendant while you’re here,” she said, beginning to work on my sunburned skin. There was a case of salves and creams at the ready on the counter. “I’ll be creating a full wardrobe for you. My understanding is that you are recovering from an extended training, so we’ll need to be flexible with measurements.”

I couldn’t help but bark a laugh. Ymir left me abandoned on Korriban for more than sixty days and now he had a servant responsible for mending the damage and making me presentable. 

Tasha paused, “I hope I didn’t offend you.”

I grinned, “You didn’t offend me,” I assured her, “It was a very difficult training. Today is my first day back in society. I’m adjusting.”

Next she started on my nails, trimming and cleaning them, massaging my hands. 

“I’ve been trying to place your accent,” I said, completely relaxed in the chair, “Are you from Serreno?”

Tasha gave me a surprised look, pausing with her nail file, “I am. Not many people know my homeworld.”

It was on the border of the Inner Rim, a wealthy port, but too close to the backwater planets to be prestigious. I couldn’t imagine that any of the people who rolled through this house knew about it. “I used to have work out there,” I said, “I got invited to a New Year’s festival one year. That’s a night I’m not going to forget.”

Tasha’s professional demeanor slipped for a moment. She brought a hand to her mouth to hide her smile. 

I had done smuggling runs out in that corner of the Galaxy, one of my less exciting shipments - rare fruit and flowers. The pay was good, and the party afterwards had been one of the wildest nights I had ever had. 

“I left sixteen years ago. I miss those celebrations sometimes,” she said. 

This was my goal. 

While Tasha wouldn’t be confidential - she still worked for Ymir - I wanted to make friends where I could find them. In this house, I knew I would feel more comfortable with the staff than the rich assholes that he hosted. Having the employees on my side would bring perks. There was the chance I could start picking up on gossip, that they would give me useful information if they liked me. 

When Tasha was satisfied with my appearance, she took me into the lounge. 

There was a rack of dresses waiting for me and a changing screen. 

This was far too similar to my experience with rich clients. 

“Try what you’d like. I’ll be able to make alterations here.”

The outfits were simple, elegant pieces prepared with accessories and undergarments to go with. She had given me several different styles, with a couple different colors for each. At the bottom of the rack were shoes, and Tasha showed me a tray of jewelry she had brought along.

This is what happens when money is no object. 

I took my time playing dress up. I was starting to feel more like myself. 

Tasha talked with me as I tried on outfits. 

“I’ll be responsible for managing your schedule,” she said, “How do you like to be woken?”

What kind of question was that? I made a funny look as I changed behind the screen. 

“I’ve been in the military for five years,” I said, “Whatever you usually do is better than what I’m used to.”

I wound up settling on a light-blue sleeveless dress. It had clean lines, a delicately draped neckline. The hem trailed elegantly to the ground.

Tasha set me up with sandals and silver bracelets. 

The pouch of kyber crystals stayed around my neck. 

I slowly spun around in front of the large mirrors. I liked the scars and tattoos on my arm. I couldn’t wait until the eye patch and med tape came off. 

***

Tasha took me to Ymir’s rooms. 

We made a trek upstairs, to a completely different part of the house. 

I gazed out the windows as we travelled through the building. Night had fallen and I looked over the twinkling landscape. 

She eventually stopped in front of a door and pressed a button on the console. 

It slid open, and I stepped into a room lined with bookshelves - gently lit with lamps and layers of recessed lighting. 

Ymir was sitting at a wooden table. He studied me as I entered. 

“Madam Zhang,” Tasha announced with a bow and politely left the room. 

“You look lovely,” Ymir said. 

He was dressed in comfortable robes.The fabric was a warm shade of brown, similar to his eyes. 

A servant stepped from a corner and held a chair for me to sit. 

“I think I can get used to this,” I said as I took a seat.

There was a bowl and a plate set up for me. 

Ymir smiled, “This suits you.”

The servant returned with a bottle of wine, serving Ymir before me. 

I took a healthy sip. I would not mind getting drunk tonight. 

“How’s your eye?” he asked. 

The servant was gracefully putting fresh vegetables on my plate. 

“I think it’s good as new. Astrid said everything can come off tomorrow.”

“And have you become acquainted with Tasha?” Ymir asked, taking a bite. 

“I like her. She asked how I preferred to be woken up,” I replied with a smile. 

“We’ll have an early start tomorrow. Ekene and I begin meditations between 0400 and 0500.”

“Ekene does meditations? What does he do?”

I had half-expected Ekene to be at this dinner. He was Ymir’s boyfriend, after all. 

“He has a connection with the Force,” Ymir said, “Didn’t you feel him when you met?”

“That’s what that was?” I asked, stabbing at a leaf on my plate. 

“His connection isn’t strong,” Ymir explained, “But he’s sensitive to the energy and is able to wield some of the same power that we can.”

“Is he a student then?..” I asked. 

“No,” he answered, then paused, taking a bite as he thought.

I ate, waiting for what he would say next. 

“You could have been the same, sensitive to the Force, but without a deep connection,” he said, “There are many beings that have a spark of it. When I found you, you were overwhelmed with emotion, unrefined. It was impossible to know how strong you actually were.”

A thrill of anger ran through me. 

Ymir didn’t know how valuable I would be to him, so he cut me loose and let fate decide.

I put the utensil down, my fingertips grazing the wood, now was not the time to start a fight. 

He was watching me closely, “You survived a test that not many could,” he paused again. 

I gathered myself, muscles tensing. 

“You surprised me on Korriban. I had a very different idea of what you would need to do to stay alive. I would have never predicted that you would build a well for yourself. I didn’t anticipate that much exposure to the grassland.”

“It was hell,” I said, keeping my expression neutral. 

I felt him _reach_ out to me, prodding at my awareness, but there wasn’t an opening for him. I was contained. 

He withdrew. 

“I’m proud of you Siobhan,” Ymir said. I hated how much those words meant to me. I didn’t respond. Ymir took a drink, “I’ve informed the Superior General of your survival,” he said, gazing levelly at me. 

“Oh I bet that just made his day,” I replied bitterly, finishing off my glass of wine. The servant was at my side, refilling it. 

I wanted to know who was the one most responsible for the plan to abandon me. It was probably all Ymir’s idea, but Snoke had no love for me either. He couldn’t be happy to hear the news that I had lived.

“He’s had to adjust his opinion of you,” Ymir said. 

I waited to see if he would give me more details, but he didn’t. 

We ate many courses. I drank more wine in my borrowed dress and jewelry. 

“I want you to get used to this Siobhan,” Ymir said. 

“Oh, I don’t think that will be a problem,” I said breezily, chewing a cube of meat. 

“You’ve never had power before. I’m offering it to you. That’s what it means to be my student, my apprentice,” he said, cutting through my attitude. 

His statement rose in my mind, “I want to see the kind of Sith you are going to become.” 

I wanted it. On the farm, I never had grand ambitions. Our world was small, far away from everyone, trapped by my mother and father’s fear, the threat of discovery hanging over us. 

Now I was in one of the finest homes in the Galaxy, under Ymir’s wing. 

I met his eyes with some fire, with some hunger of my own. 

“You’ll be sitting in on a meeting with Vice Admiral Hux at the end of the week,” Ymir said, “The First Order is embarking on a project. You and Kylo Ren will have instrumental roles to play.”

I held up my glass, the wine flooding me with confidence, “To a new Empire,” I said. 

Ymir made a curling smile in return, “To a new Empire,” he toasted. 

Our crystal glasses touched. 

***

At the end of the meal, Tasha was waiting to guide me back to my room. 

I followed her, my feet light, my head swimming with alcohol. Still, there was a heaviness in my heart. 

Ymir was manipulating me, hoping that greed would open me up to him. 

I needed him as a teacher. I had been prepared to kill him when he had returned to Korriban. There wasn’t a shred of doubt in my heart. And still I had failed. 

I needed to be here. I needed to learn from him, to be close to him. He was giving me all the tools to flourish. Why would I refuse him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I love to hear your comments, so let me know what you think.


	2. Lightsaber

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Siobhan is getting settled into Ymir's estate. He is pushing her to explore the experience on Korriban, but she doesn't want to let him in. 
> 
> Her friendship with Astrid is turning into something more...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to all of you following this story. If you just found it, welcome!
> 
> I'm still getting the hang of how to post multiple parts of the story and how the summary is going to appear, so there might be some changes over the next few weeks as I fine tune it. 
> 
> Also, I've been watching The Mandalorian and holy shit! What a good show! So excited to see them exploring the day-to-day Star Wars universe. 
> 
> For everyone celebrating Thanksgiving, I hope you have a wonderful holiday tomorrow.

**I**

I woke to the lights slowly becoming brighter around me. 

I blinked in confusion, trying to remember where I was. 

It felt early. The side of my face was itchy and I almost rubbed at it, but caught myself. There was a burn on my face, wrapped underneath med tape. 

I groaned and rolled over in the bed.

“Your morning meditation will begin in half an hour,” Tasha said, her voice low and respectful. 

“Yeah, all right,” I said, pushing myself up and rubbing at my good eye, “Can you get me some caffeine?”

“Of course, madam.”

I trudged into the shower and hosed myself off, fumbling with the knobs. 

When I came out, Tasha had a warm mug waiting for me and a set of clothes resting on top of my freshly-made bed. 

Between sips of caffeine, I got dressed in a dark, hooded pullover and leggings. 

When I was done with the mug, Tasha led the way to wherever I would be meeting with Ymir. 

I woke up as we moved. It seemed like we were going somewhere near his rooms. We traveled across the massive building, moving up large staircases and through a maze of hallways. 

It was still dark out, not a hint of sunlight along the horizon yet. 

We entered a small room, maybe three meters across, with red walls and a door on the other side. There was a shoe rack, with two pairs already there. 

“Lord Ymir and Master Duru are in the far room,” Tasha said, “I’ll be here when you’re done with your meditation.” 

She knew more than I did. 

“Thanks,” I said, stepping into the room and kicking off my sandals. 

The door behind me closed and the other opened, revealing a warmly lit room with wood floors and beige walls. 

Ymir and Ekene were seated on straw mats, there was an empty one between them. 

I could feel their energy, a static hum that filled the room. 

There were four large, exposed beams across the ceiling. They felt old. There were gouges in the wood that looked like some kind of script - or it could be nothing. Parts of the beams were blackened. 

“Take a seat,” Ymir said. 

Both men were dressed in loose, dark clothing. Today Ekene had his locs gathered up near the top of his head. 

I took the mat between them, crossing my legs. Ymir had his hands planted wide, on his knees, while Ekene’s hands were cupped in his lap. I rested my hands on my thighs. 

“I don’t have experience guiding a meditation with someone cloaking their aura,” Ymir said, opening his eyes and turning towards me, “You’ll have to feel for us.”

He kept his tone even. I had no idea how he felt about it. 

Next to me, I could feel a thrum of frustration and anger from Ekene. His energy was hazy, like heat rising off concrete.

Ymir took a breath, followed by another. I felt Ekene move into his breath and I followed. 

Together, we began to move into that deep shared space of the Force. 

I felt a thin burst of energy from my Kyber crystals and Ymir didn’t hesitate, _reaching_ out to them with his awareness. 

My first instinct was to pull away. My hand moved up to my chest, fingers wrapping around the pouch through the shirt. 

Ymir paused. We took a breath together.

> Smoke is rising up into the nighttime sky. Fire crackles red and gold, reflected across the dusty clouds. 
> 
> The creature is screaming in pain. I can feel it writhing as the fire consumes it. 
> 
> I watch from the dunes, the four kyber crystals in my palm.

I sensed a wave of horror from Ekene as he felt the creature’s pain and anger. 

When Ymir spoke in my mind, I could feel his pride.

> This is power, Siobhan.

He began to _reach_ into my memories, wanting to see what I had done, the moment I sparked the flame, but I withdrew. Guarded. 

Ymir’s curiosity felt like hunger. He took a breath, reigning himself in. 

When it felt like he wasn’t going to push it, I joined them again, sinking towards that shared space. 

Ymir guided us through a less personal meditation, expanding our awareness through the planet. 

Everything was fascinating. Every centimeter of this planet was teaming with life. From bacteria to animal, from sky to earth, we explored each thread. 

We drifted down through the dirt, the geological plates making their slow journey across the surface. We moved along the oceans and rose through the sky, traveling beyond the atmosphere. 

Next to me, Ekene was faltering, his awareness stretched to the limit. 

Ymir and I moved beyond. 

There was another planet to explore, protected by warships. The city was a different kind of life. I felt the droids and machinery, along with the different species that occupied the surface. 

We drew in a breath together and expanded into space and the planetary system beyond. 

I could feel the paths of the planets, the swooping pull of comets and the power of the central star. I followed the vast relationships of gravity, the balanced push and pull of the planets. 

I floated in it, expanding outwards. 

Ymir gently reached towards me.

> That’s enough for today.

I fluttered my eyes open. 

Ymir was turning on his mat. 

“It’s so much more natural for you now,” he said with approval. 

“There’s so much more life. Korriban was just a rock in empty space,” I said. 

To my left, Ekene was climbing to his feet, brushing his hands down his shirt and pants. 

“I’ll see you in your room,” he said to Ymir, looking past me. 

Ymir gave him a curt nod and Ekene left. 

I followed him with my gaze, “He was friendlier yesterday,” I said, after the door closed. 

Was he jealous that I was stronger than him? That I was Ymir’s student?

Ymir was climbing to his feet, a little stiff with the wound in his side, and offered me a hand. 

“That was before he knew you tried to kill me,” Ymir said with an arch look. 

“Oh,” I said with a shrug, “Yeah, that makes sense.”

We left the meditation hall and put on our shoes in the entrance room.

“You have an appointment with Astrid in the med bay. She’ll be doing a thorough health screening with my team of doctors,” Ymir said, guiding me out into the hall. 

Tasha was waiting in her crisp, white and navy dress uniform. 

“When you’re done with that, I can show you my workshop. If you’re feeling up to it, you can begin construction on your lightsabers today.”

I smiled, hand rising unconsciously to the pouch under my shirt. I stopped myself, placing my hand on my hip instead. 

“I want to do that,” I said. 

Ymir was smiling and rested a hand on my shoulder. 

“Tasha, we’ll need to begin making appropriate clothes for Siobhan. You can work out a time with her to take measurements. We’ll need an outfit prepared for the meeting.”

“Yes Lord Ymir,” she said with a polite bow. 

He gave my shoulder a squeeze before leaving. 

**II**

I followed Tasha through the maze of hallways. She was elegant in her white and navy uniform. Today her head tails were gathered into two looping buns, secured with ribbons. 

As we travelled to the med bay, I made an effort to memorize the route through the house. I didn’t want to be completely reliant on servants for navigation. 

The sun was just beginning to peek over the horizon, staining the clouds gold and pink. The planet, Kotrea, loomed to the west, the surface was blue and dusted with clouds. 

Some of the wealthiest and most important people in the Galaxy were floating over our heads as we orbited on a moon that Ymir used as personal property. 

***

In the med bay, I was greeted by the same group of doctors, the severe blonde, and the droid. 

Astrid gave me a cup filled with a milky, blue-green liquid. 

“Is this breakfast?” I asked, eyeing the cup suspiciously. 

“That’s right,” she said, a tablet in hand, “We’re doing a full health screen. You’ll be able to have a proper meal when we’re done.”

I downed the liquid in one gulp. It tasted like chalk and artificial sweetener. 

Thankfully, Astrid started by taking off the med tape and the patch over my eye. It was a relief to have the med tape off. 

All the vision tests were accurate. I blinked and rolled my eyes around, thrilled to have my full range of vision back. 

Next Astrid got to work on the burn. When she was done tending to the wound, she let me see the result in a mirror, my first time seeing the actual damage. 

My skin was pink and shiny, that too-smooth texture of a burn. The scar went from just above my eyebrow to the lower edge of my cheek. 

Astrid let me take my time looking at myself. I ran my fingers over my skin. 

All my other injuries had been temporary, bruises and lumps that faded with time. This was permanent. 

I had survived Korriban and the experience had marked me. 

***

The three doctors put me through my paces. 

I was poked and prodded, measured and examined. 

They had me do exercises and stretches, then put me on a treadmill with a mask over my face. A wireless sensor was taped to my wrist monitored blood flow. 

As the pace ramped up I had a coughing fit, leaning against the side railing on the treadmill. I took a break after that. 

They had me piss in a cup. They drew more blood and asked me about my medical history. 

Growing up, I had never really been to a doctor. A neighbor knew how to use herbs and plants to treat illnesses, so that was what we got. At the brothel, I had been fixed up from head to toe. They vaccinated me against everything under the sun and set an implant so I wouldn’t get knocked up. I also got crowns and replacements for my broken or missing teeth. All the costs were added to my contract - a debt to be paid off as I worked. 

When I joined up with the Resistance I received another battery of vaccinations and procedures, making sure I was battle-ready. It was all the same, in the brothel and the military; I was meat, a cog in a vast machine - making money and winning battles for other people. 

Now I was in Ymir’s med bay, with a team of people responsible for getting me ready to carry out the will of the First Order. I answered their questions and let them fix me up the way they wanted. 

When they were done running tests and asking questions, Astrid took a seat with me. She had her tablet out. 

I slouched in the chair, my ankle resting on my knee. 

“The good news is that we’re done,” she began. 

I made a weak smile. 

“I’ll be finalizing your treatment plan, but I can give you the overview,” she continued, “The IV regimen I have you on his helping flush environmental toxins from your system. We’ll need to continue them for at least the next week. We’ll also be preparing a steroid inhaler to help with your lungs. There’s silicate build-up that I think will respond to non-invasive treatment. If we don’t see a measurable difference by the end of my stay, we’ll have to consider surgery.”

Astrid was carefully watching my face, “Do you have any questions, Siobhan?”

I shook my head. 

IVs and an inhaler. What a glamorous life I was leading. 

Then again, it could be much worse. I was walking away from this with just a few scars. 

“That’s all we need from you for today. Go have lunch,” she said. 

Tasha was waiting to lead me to my room. 

I was hungry, but I was too tired to eat. I sent her away and sprawled out on the bed for a nap. 

***

When I woke, the light was filtering in dimly through sheer, gold curtains over my windows. 

I had slept clear through the afternoon. 

With relief, I blinked both my eyes, running my fingertips over the healing wound. I already felt more like myself. 

I lazily dragged myself forward and called Tasha from the console. I asked her to bring up a meal. Then I began to scroll through the directory to see if I could contact Ymir from my room. 

A servant answered the call, “Madam Zhang,” came a man’s voice. 

It looked like I didn’t have access to his direct line.

“Uh, yeah, could you let Ymir know I’ll be ready to see the workshop in the next half hour,” I said. 

“Yes, Madam Zhang.”

What a world I was living in now. 

Tasha was up just minutes later, followed by a service droid pushing a compact, floating dolly. 

The droid set the table. 

“I was informed you’ll be meeting with Lord Ymir after dinner,” Tasha said, standing with her hands clasped. 

“Yeah, he’s going to show me the workshop,” I said. 

She gave me a polite nod. 

I wanted to break through the professional distance, but I also didn’t want to throw her off her game. I was the new Sith acolyte, with a large scar on my face and mangled tattoos on my forearm. I looked intimidating, I needed to give her time to warm up to me. 

Even eating alone, I was served multiple courses - small servings of soup, meat, and vegetables. Desert was a starchy, sweet drink in a copper cup. 

After all of that, I could have gone back to sleep, but the desire to start work on my lightsabers was pulling at me. My kyber crystals weren’t doing me any good dangling in a pouch around my neck. 

***

We made the hike across the building, going to a new hallway around the corner from the rooms I had already visited. 

Tasha pressed a button on the console and the door slid open. 

I stepped into an office. 

“Madam Zhang,” she announced, before leaving the room. 

I was not used to this kind of formality. 

Ymir was behind a heavy, wooden desk. Ekene was at a round table at the far end of the room with a service droid next to him.

“Siobhan, come in. I’m almost done here,” Ymir said from behind a collection of opaque holo screens. 

Ekene didn’t acknowledge my presence at all. He continued to work with his service droid as I took a seat in the expensive, leather chair in front of Ymir’s desk. 

Ymir was typing on a console screen built into the surface of the desk. 

I twisted around, looking at the room. 

The walls were white, the stone floors were decorated with rugs in rich shades of red, brown, and gold. Halfway down the room were two sets of First Order banners. There was a sitting area in the middle, sofas and chairs arranged around a low table. At the far end of the room was a nook with windows that overlooked the gardens at the back of the house. 

I watched Ekene for a moment. 

I knew his company, Donnall Extraction. With the First Order’s backing, they colonized entire systems to mine ore, metals, and gases. Their transport ships used to be a huge target for the Smugglers Alliance, but with First Order protection, it was nearly impossible to lift a payload. 

The head of the company was Ymir’s boyfriend. I was very curious about their arrangement. I wanted to learn more about them - too bad Ekene hated me. 

Ymir began to close holoscreen windows and I turned to face him. 

“How’s your eye?” he asked, looking at the scar stretching across the left side of my face. 

“Good as new,” I replied, keeping my cool.

“Are you ready to start in the workshop?” He got to his feet.

“Yeah,” I said, pushing myself out of the chair. 

“I don’t expect I’ll be more than an hour,” Ymir announced to Ekene.

He nodded and raised his hand to show he had heard.

I followed Ymir out of the office. 

**III**

We arrived at a door guarded by two security droids. Ymir ushered me inside. 

The workshop was different from the rest of the house. 

I found myself in a large, white, metal room, one wall made up of console arrays. The opposite wall had four different workstations. There was a frosted-glass door at the far end. 

“This is my private workshop,” Ymir introduced, leading me to a bench, “There will be a security droid in the room with you when I’m not here. You won’t be able to access anything on those consoles, and that far door will remain locked.”

I gave Ymir a look, “I don’t get the keys to the city yet?” 

“No,” he answered, “I’ve had this workstation specially prepared for you.”

He gestured for me to take a seat. 

I had never seen a set up this nice. The table was clean and organized - two meters long with a console built into the far end. Neat racks of tools were mounted on the wall. Everything looked brand new. 

Next to my knee, underneath the table, was some piece of machinery. I bent down to take a look, but Ymir was talking again.

“You should have everything you need to construct your lightsaber.”

To my surprise, he unhooked his from his belt, grabbed a tool from the wall, and began dismantling his weapon. 

Ymir opened up a panel, and I saw the kyber crystal that rested inside. It was amber-colored, about the size of my thumb. It was pointed on both ends, with even facets all the way around. 

I could feel its power, the connection to the Force. 

“And you found this in a cave…” I murmured. 

My hand hand was already resting on the pouch underneath my shirt. 

“I did,” Ymir said, looking pleased that I had remembered the story, “I had to hold onto it for thirteen years before I could build my lightsaber.”

He continued to take apart the weapon, showing me all the inner workings. I got to examine the powercell and modulators, how the crystal was set in place. 

I pulled the pouch of kyber crystals out of my shirt and opened it. They glittered in the sterile light of the workshop. 

Ymir was looking at them, “I’ve uploaded the design for both mine and Kylo Ren’s lightsaber onto the console. That should be everything you need to craft your weapon, but make sure to listen to your intuition as you work.”

A lightsaber had killed my father, and now I’d be making my own. 

“You can stay in here as long as you’d like. We’ll have morning meditation tomorrow.”

Ymir left me to begin. When he exited, a security droid entered, standing blankly by the door, its blaster attached to its metal thigh. 

I looked between the console array and the frosted-glass door. There was clearly good stuff in here, but right now, it wouldn’t be worth it to find out. I turned around on the bench and got to it. 

I started by reviewing the schematics on both lightsabers, seeing the differences between Ymir’s single blade and how Ren had constructed hand guards with the two side prongs. After that, I looked through the tools and supplies I had been given. 

The machine underneath the workbench was used for making alloys and shaping metal. I’d input the measurements and feed it the raw material. 

My kyber crystals stayed on the table, and I kept my awareness extended to them as I worked. 

I already knew I would be building two lightsabers. There were four crystals to work with. I put together a few prospective designs on the console, reviewing the metal alloys I would be able to use for the hilt, and taking measurements for wiring and the power cell. 

That was good enough for today. Tomorrow I’d start construction. 

I left the workshop without alerting anyone, and made my own way back to my rooms. 

This experience couldn’t be more different from Korriban. I had needed to build a well with rusted, salvaged parts. Now everything was prepared for me. I had everything I needed at my fingertips.

I moved through the expansive hallways, taking time to enjoy the nighttime views from the large windows. 

***

I made it back to my room, taking a few wrong turns on the way. 

I remembered Tasha saying that Astrid was in the room across from mine. I knocked on her door with the back of my knuckles. 

I had no idea what time it was. She might not even be awake. 

But, after a moment she opened the door. Her red hair was down, loosely curling around her face. She had a robe around her shoulders, pajamas underneath. 

“Want a nightcap?” I offered. 

Astrid considered me. There was a skeptical look in her blue eyes. This wasn’t protocol. 

After a moment, she nodded, “Sure.”

She followed me across the hall into my room. 

**IV**

“What are you drinking?” I asked, moving to the liquor cabinet. 

“I’ll have a brandy,” Astrid said, taking a seat on the couch. 

I poured for the two of us and joined her. We touched glasses. 

Astrid took a little sip. Her legs were crossed. I noticed her feet were bare. 

“How are you liking your set up?” I asked. 

“It’s taking some adjustment,” Astrid admitted, “I’ve spent my whole life in the military. I’m not used to all of this.”

“Me neither,” I agreed, “My girl, Tasha, she was madaming me as soon as I woke up. I thought she was talking to someone else.”

Astrid laughed, “It’s a big change from Korriban, I’m sure.”

That statement stung more than I expected. It hadn’t even been a week since I was hunting shyracks and wondering what I would do for basic vitamins. 

I tried to make a casual smile, but Astrid noticed she had touched a nerve. 

“What were you working on this afternoon?” she asked, changing the subject. 

“I’m starting to build my lightsabers,” I said. 

Astrid tilted her head in the most charming way, “You know… I just thought you would have one… I’ve never thought about how they’re made.”

I smiled at her, genuine this time. 

“So what does it mean, to be making them?” she asked, looking interested. 

“It means I’m going to have to learn how to use a sword,” I said with a wink.

Astrid took a drink, lips curling, eyes sparkling. 

“Do you know about any assignments yet?” she asked. 

I shrugged, “Ymir hasn’t told me anything. I’m happy to just bum around this place for a while.”

Astrid was giving me a funny kind of look. I met her gaze with a playful glint in my eyes. 

“I haven’t met anyone quite like you before,” she said taking a sip of her drink before setting it down on the table. 

There was a sweet kind of tension between us. I had gotten the sense she was flirting with me back on Ymir’s ship, but she was straitlaced and military, it was hard to know what she would do about it. 

“Is that good or bad?” I replied with a smile, my lower lip pulling between my teeth. 

Astrid also had a mischievous look on her face. She leaned forward, her hand at my cheek, sliding up into my hair. 

She kissed me, her lips warm and soft against mine. 

“You’re trouble,” she teased as she pulled away, then leaned forward to kiss me again. 

Her tongue moved between my lips and I sighed, already warm, already wet. 

She melted over me as we kissed. Her hands ran down my back and waist. I rested my hands on her hips. I was aching for her touch, but I didn’t want to move too fast. 

We broke apart. Astrid’s cheeks were flushed, red hair curling around her face. 

“You’re beautiful,” I breathed, running my hand through her hair. 

She sighed and closed her eyes. 

I wanted to keep going. There was so much possibility. I wanted to hear her moans. I started to unbutton her shirt, squeezing her full breasts. 

Astrid’s lips were tight. I could feel the heat moving through her body, but there was a tick of hesitation. 

“Everything all right?” I asked. 

She sat backwards, giving her head a little shake, returning to herself. 

“Gods, I just… I shouldn’t… you outrank me…”

I laughed, kissing her hand. 

“I won’t tell,” I said. 

She kissed me hungrily, pushing me back into the cushions and moved herself on top of me. 

I made a breathy moan, my hand slid along her waist. 

She pulled away again. 

“Gods, Lord Ymir is interviewing me. I should not be doing this,” she said, cheeks flushed. She pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. 

I had never seen her nervous before. There was something charming about it. 

I pushed myself upright, kissing her. She had her legs around my waist. I brought a hand under her ass and squeezed. 

She made a little moan, tilting her hips towards me. 

We moved like that for a few moments, bodies pressed together. 

Astrid pulled herself up for a final time, collecting herself. 

“I really should go to bed,” she said, lifting away. 

“Are you sure?” I asked, meeting those gorgeous blue eyes. My nipples were stiff underneath my shirt. 

“Yes,” she said taking my hand, “I want you, but… I just...I can’t tonight...”

“Alright then,” I said, and gave her hand a squeeze. 

I stayed on the couch while Astrid left the room. 

When the door clicked shut behind her, I went to the liquor cabinet and poured a couple fingers of whiskey. 

I moved out to the little garden patio to cool off. 

After so much time alone, it didn’t take much. I was all worked up.

When I was done with the whiskey, I returned to my bed and brought my hand between my legs, thinking of Astrid’s gentle moans. 

**V**

That night, I dreamed of Korriban. 

I was on my speeder, hemmed in on all sides: red canyon walls, red sand below, dusty red sky above. I had been swallowed by some great beast and the world was pressing close around me. It was hot, impossibly hot. My chest was tight and my lungs were filled with sand. 

The world became too small and close for me to continue on my speeder. I was leaning forward, reaching forward, struggling for air, struggling to escape the crushing pressure of the beast…

I woke with a gasp, covered in sweat. 

Tasha was frozen next to the bed, with her hand on the console. 

“Madam…?” she began. 

“It was just a bad dream,” I said, pushing the blankets away and sitting up. 

My hair hung in my face, damp with my sweat. 

“I’ll start the shower for you,” Tasha said, gently handing me a mug. 

“Thanks,” I said, taking a sip of caffeine. 

In the shower, I braced my arms against the tile and let the water pour over me. 

Dreaming of Korriban… what a waste. Would I ever be done with it?

“It’s ten minutes until morning meditation,” Tasha said from outside the shower. 

I sighed and turned off the water. I wrapped my hair in a wet braid, pulled on the clothes Tasha had laid out for me, and followed her across the building. 

***

We arrived late. 

Today, I noticed only one set of shoes on the rack. I kicked my sandals off and entered the room. 

Ymir was seated cross-legged on his mat. There was one laid out for me. Ekene wasn’t here. 

I took my seat. 

Ymir didn’t say anything, but I could feel the steady hum of his aura. I slowed my breathing and dropped in with him.

> I want to explore your time on Korriban.

I balked, tightening the control I had on my aura. 

“I just want to put it behind me,” I said, my jaw clenched. 

Ymir shifted on his mat, turning towards me. 

I refused to look at him, my hands gripped my knees. 

“Being able to explore our pain and suffering is how we access our power, how we make our connection with the Darkside. It’s fundamental,” Ymir said. His voice was kind and patient. 

“I know what I experienced out there. There isn’t anything to explore,” I growled. 

I didn’t want to be like this. Now he knew exactly where I hurt. He knew where I was weak. 

Ymir was _reaching_ for me, his awareness close around my mind. 

Already I was fighting tears. Complicated feelings of anger and respect were tangling inside of me as I felt him in my mind. 

This time, he didn’t back off. Ymir _pressed_ , finding the nightmare. He felt the heat, the suffocating closeness as I lost myself - swallowed by some great beast.

“No!” I shouted, standing up. My hands tightened into fists as I gathered my aura to myself, pulling away from his grasp. 

Ymir stayed seated on his mat, an open, patient expression on his face. 

“This isn’t helping you, Siobhan,” he said with infuriating calmness. 

It was too much for me. Hot tears began flowing down my cheeks. I squeezed my arms tight, holding onto my elbows. There was a tremble in my legs. 

Ymir kept looking at me and I felt like a child. 

Anger rose up in my heart, breaking through my sadness. 

“You left me to die out there!” I shouted, my face flushing hot. 

“I understand the situation I put you in,” Ymir said, “The odds were against you, but I trusted that you would live.”

“How long did you have it planned?” I demanded. It was easier to get carried away in my anger, heart thumping against my ribs. 

“From the beginning,” he answered plainly, “Your obstinance and resistance to training cemented the decision for me.”

His straightforward answers, the warmth in his brown eyes broke through my wall. 

I began to sob - great, heaving, ugly cries that shook my shoulders. My face was wet, nose running. 

Ymir rose to his feet, placing his hands on my upper arms. 

I snarled and took a step backwards, trying to twist out of his grasp. I couldn’t stand his touch. 

His hands stayed firmly around my arms, his grip was painful as I tried to yank free. 

I protested, thick cries choked on tears and snot. Still he held me, not allowing me to pull away.

> I want you to learn how to use this.

All my thoughts were crashing together. I was an open wound. I couldn’t seal my mind from him. 

As Ymir _pressed_ into my thoughts and memories he felt what I couldn’t speak. 

It had hurt so much, and I was so much stronger because of it.

His voice was a prideful growl in my mind.

> You understand.

I was breaking down. He could feel my pain. 

I had never been alone like that. I had always been part of a crew. There had always been a friend or a lover around. The loneliness was a daily injury, grinding me down.

> The Darkside is accepting your suffering without succumbing to it.

Ymir began to share a memory with me. 

I heard a woman’s voice in my mind, sharp with pain.

> Ymir!

I saw the impression of a face, beautiful and fierce, blonde hair and green eyes. I could feel the flames and pouring blood. The world was chaos around me.

> Ymir! I love you!
> 
> I’m in a military ship, crouched low between supply crates, my knees pulled in. 
> 
> Tears stain my cheeks and my body is tight. Pain is threatening to overflow from my body. Every muscle is drawn in. 
> 
> I feel that my body might be ripped apart by emotion.

He was showing me his wife’s death. 

I felt his isolation as he curled in a dark corner of the escape ship, mourning the woman he lost in a failed war. 

Drawn into Ymir’s memory, my own memories began to flow.

The night I started tattooing myself rose up, too clear to hide from him.

> The knife parts my skin and I can taste the pain on my tongue, sharp and metallic. 
> 
> I press the dark paste into the separated skin. Trickles of blood, water, and ash drip down my arm. 
> 
> I will live. 

In this shared space, Ymir’s voice rose in the darkness.

> Darth Vader and Emperor Palpatine failed at their Empire, defeated by a boy with no real training in the Force.

He let me feel his anger and contempt. Where these men had failed, he would not. He wouldn’t allow his hurt to paralyze him.

> You made the decision to live, you accepted the suffering in your heart and it gave you the strength to continue. 

I felt my connection with the Darkside. It was like I was floating above a deep, dark pit. There was hunger, the gnashing of teeth, a desire for violence. 

Suspended in the darkness, I was a conduit. I felt the power flowing from that deep space, between myself and Ymir. 

There was an echoing chime from my kyber crystals. 

I brought my hand to my chest. 

Slowly, Ymir guided us out of the meditation, drawing back into the world. 

As I returned to myself, I realized his hands were still on my arms, looser now. My body was stiff, and there were wet paths of tears on my cheeks. 

Our eyes met, and I realized he had been crying too. 

We sank down and I leaned forward to rest my head against his shoulder. Ymir brought a hand to the back of my head, a small comfort. 

With my ear pressed against his chest, I listened to his heart steadily pumping. 

Eventually, I withdrew. Ymir reached for me, his hand coming to the side of my face, thumb resting over the burn he had made.

“You surprised me when I took you to the grassland. I was certain you would need my help, but you did it all on your own. That warrior spirit never faltered when I left.”

“I didn’t have a choice!” I snapped, anger flaring.

I took a step back and this time Ymir didn’t try to pull me in. 

“I’m not going to ask for your forgiveness,” he said, not rising to my anger, “I’ve hurt you deeply, but you’ve never lost your willingness to fight. I want to be your teacher, Siobhan.”

This was the man who killed my father, who abandoned me on a Sith planet. Both times he had left me with nothing but a promise to hold onto. 

But he had taken me in, he had returned for me. 

I nodded and another round of tears began to pour. 

Before he could do or say anything else, I turned on my heel and left the room, not even bothering to put on my shoes. 

Tasha was waiting for me outside, and I brushed past her. 

“I’ll be in the workshop. I’m going alone,” I said. 

I strode down the hallways, angrily brushing the tears from my cheeks. 

I hated Ymir so much, but we were connected. He understood my heart. 

**VI**

In the workshop, I lost myself in the construction of my lightsabers. For the first time in ages I had a project that completely absorbed my mind. 

The kyber crystals came out from under my shirt, resting on top of the meager shyrack leather. 

Hours passed as I built two power cells, shaped and tested the different metal alloys, and worked on the internal mechanisms to control the length and energy of the blades. 

As I worked, I allowed my thoughts to flow. 

In this clean, organized space, I thought back to my time with Tynne Precore, when I was part of the Smuggler’s Alliance. He was a grizzled old-timer who had dozens of stories of doing jobs with Han Solo and helping the Rebellion during. He was gruff and a drunk, but he was a fair man, a good boss. 

He saw I had a talent for fixing machines, so I got paid to to fix broken products, or modify parts so they couldn’t be tracked. His workshop was a mess. Half the battle was finding the tools and supplies I needed. 

This experience couldn’t be more opposite. I was working in excellent lighting. I had every tool I needed. Everything was set up for me. 

The only thing I missed was the jug of whiskey he kept within arm’s reach. 

***

When my stomach was growling and my hands felt unsteady, I had Tasha bring me food. 

She came in, acting delicately around me. 

“I’m sorry for earlier,” I told her, taking the plate. 

Her expression was professional and neutral. 

“There’s no need to apologize, madam,” she said with a small bow. 

I had expected that answer. A service position here meant putting up with whatever baanthashit people dished out. Still, I wanted her to know I understood she was a person. 

She left the room. 

I ate as I worked. 

The powercell was completed, resting neatly in the base of the handle. I had everything ready to secure the first two crystals. I carefully bound them in wire before setting them in the divot. 

When the crystal was secure, I closed and secured the hatch. 

It was time to test my weapon. 

There was a little fear in me as my thumb moved towards the dial. 

If I had done anything wrong, I could be moments away from blowing my hand off, or causing some kind of damage with an unmodulated laser. 

I turned the dial. The blade hummed to life, green and steady in front of me. 

There was a big, dumb grin on my face as I made a few wide sweeps with my arm. 

I had made a lightsaber. 

My own fucking lightsaber. 

I could feel the connection between my body and the crystals housed inside. They had come to me in the grassland after I destroyed the creature, a monster that had tried to defeat me with my own fears. Now they would be my weapon. It was surreal. 

I twirled the blade, moving through a simple drill. Reluctantly, I turned it off. There was another sword to complete. 

The second lightsaber was almost finished. I had the body and powercell assembled. All that was left was the wiring and placing the crystals. 

I urged myself to go slow and pay attention to the details. Just because I had made one correctly didn’t mean I could rush the job on the second. 

My thoughts circled back to Ymir as I worked. 

He had chosen not to kill me on Korriban. I was in shock after I had pulled down the railing. He could have struck me down as I lay in the dust, my hand over my injured eye. 

My life was always in his hands. 

I had killed a rancor. I had destroyed the creature in the grassland through my connection with the Force, but I still wasn’t strong enough to kill him. 

I remembered how he talked about Kylo Ren. We were both just weapons for him to wield in his mission to control the Galaxy. He was even using Snoke - the purse strings of the First Order. 

One day. One day I’d be strong enough to kill him, but for now I needed to learn. I needed him to be my teacher. 

The set of crystals were secured in their divot and it was time to test the second blade. 

Another green laser extended in front of me. The energy was consistent. 

I took both swords in my hands. The low hum of the blades was so satisfying to hear. 

With both of them working, the last step was securing the rubber grips and an attachment on the end so I could hang them from my belt. 

When were complete, I checked the time on the console. 1900. I had been in this workshop for eleven hours. 

I rubbed at my eyes. 

I called up Ymir’s line through the console. 

“Madam Zhang,” came the servant’s voice. 

“I want to talk to Ymir directly,” I said, not wanting him to near my news second-hand. 

“Please wait, madam.”

That was all it took. I was on the line for less than a minute before I heard Ymir’s voice. 

“Siobhan.”

“They’re done,” I said, a grin on my face. 

“Have Tasha bring you to my rooms.”

She was up in moments. I didn’t know how she managed it. 

***

I followed her up and up, near the top of the building. 

There was more security on this floor. I noticed at least one droid in each hallway. There was one posted by the door. 

I entered a sitting room. 

Ekene and Ymir were on the sofa together. Ekene was dressed in a dark robe, a tablet in his lap and slippers on his feet. His eyes coldly flickered across me. 

Ymir was standing with a proud and fiery expression, “Let’s see it.”

“I made two,” I said, holding out both hands. 

I didn’t have a belt, so I had carried them here. 

“I thought you might,” Ymir said, extending a palm. 

With just a moment of hesitation, I passed a hilt to him. 

Ekene was watching me with a careful guarded look. 

Ymir turned the handle over, examining my work, “This is very well-made,” he said. 

He had given me access to everything I needed in the workshop. There wasn’t any reason for them to be less than perfect. 

Ymir glanced up at me, thumb on the dial. 

I gave him a nod and he activated the blade. 

Ekene sat upright, following Ymir as he made several passes with the sword. 

“You’ve done excellent work, Siobhan,” he said, making an artful flourish with his right hand, “We’ll plan to spar after our meditation tomorrow.”

He deactivated the blade and passed the empty hilt back to me. 

“I’ll look forward to it,” I said. 

Ymir pulled me to him, lips pressing to my forehead, “Now go rest.”

I felt Ekene’s gaze on my back as I left the room. 

**VII**

Tasha was waiting for me outside the door and led the way to my rooms. 

“Thanks Tasha. That’s all I need tonight,” I said as we arrived. 

“Of course, madam,” she said with a small bow and continued down the hallway. 

When she had rounded the corner, I knocked on Astrid’s door. 

This time she appeared with a peach robe wrapped around her shoulders and a testy expression on her face. 

“You skipped your appointment today,” she said, an eyebrow raising, lips curling. 

I made an apologetic smile. I didn’t know what she was talking about and my mind was rushing to remember. “Oh yeah, I was supposed to be in the med bay…” I finally said. 

“I was waiting for you for over an hour, before someone told me you were holed up in the workshop.”

“I lost track of the time,” I said. 

“You’re going to have to make it up to me,” Astrid said in a low voice, eyes fixed on mine. 

It took all my self control not to just kiss her right there in the hallway. 

“Come to my room. Have a drink,” I said. 

Astrid followed me across the hall.

“You made your lightsabers,” she said, just noticing metal objects in my hands. 

“I did,” I said. 

I didn’t know where I wanted to set them down. 

“We should have a drink to celebrate,” she said, “What would you like?”

“I’ll have a whiskey,” I replied, deciding to set them down on the table next to my bed. 

Astrid was curled up on the couch. She handed me a glass as I took a seat close to her. When I put my arm around her shoulder she blushed. I could smell her perfume, the light scent of blossoms and honey. 

“To our Rebel turned Sith,” she said with a mischievous smile. I wanted to devour her. 

We toasted and drank, then I was setting my glass down, and pulling her towards me for a kiss. 

I loved the feeling of her full lips pressed to mine. She kissed me back eagerly, and I took the drink from her hand so I could slide on top of her. 

We kissed, our breath getting hot and hands beginning to wander. 

I explored her body. When I squeezed at her breasts, she moaned. 

Astrid began to run her thumbs across my nipples over my shirt. I felt them stiffen under her touch, and soon I was moaning as she made circles around the barbells and sensitive skin. 

I was aching for more. 

“Want to move this to the bed?” I asked, my voice warm and breathy. 

“Yes,” she said from beneath me. I heard the need in her voice. 

I got to my feet and Astrid lifted herself up, pushing a red lock of hair behind her ear. Her cheeks were rosy. 

We tumbled into the bed together. I pulled her robe open, squeezing her breasts over her bra. I was kissing her neck, listening to her moans. 

Underneath me, Astrid was all smooth skin and curves. I kissed her hungrily, my hands moving along her body. I loved the swell of her hips and I moved a hand between her legs, feeling her heat beneath my fingertips. 

It wasn’t long before I felt her pressing her hips up, softly moaning, encouraging me. 

I wanted to make her wait. 

I rose up, taking in the view. 

Astrid was panting, cheeks flushed, short red hair gently curling on the bed. Her bra and underwear were white. It wasn’t lingerie, but I could tell she had dressed herself up. 

“Let’s get you out of these clothes,” I growled playfully, kissing her neck, my teeth grazing the sensitive skin. 

She was pushing herself up and I was pulling off her robe, unhooking her bra, helping her shimmy out of her underwear. 

I had my fingers dipping through her red curls as she reached for the bottom of my pullover. 

“You too,” she said, voice breathy as I ran my fingers between her lips. 

I let her pull my shirt over my head and wriggled my way out of my underwear and leggings. 

“Do you want my fingers or my tongue first?” I asked, running a hand down her soft belly. 

My hand travelled lower. She was close and hot and wet. 

“I want your fingers,” she moaned, moving her hips against my hand. 

Slowly, I slid inside of her and she made a throaty sigh. 

I propped myself up so I could suck on her nipples as I filled her. 

“Oh Siobhan…”

I slid from her, finding her clit with my wet fingertips. 

I began to make slow circles and was rewarded with her cries of pleasure. Soon I was pushing two fingers inside of her, relishing the way her muscles squeezed and her hips rocked against my hand. I began a slow steady rhythm inside of her. 

She wanted more. I could feel her frustration as she trembled and cried out. 

I put a hand on her hip bone. 

“You can wait,” I said, playful and kind. 

She made a low needy moan. Her was head pressed back into the sheets, her hands wrapped into fists. 

I took my time finding her sensitive spots, the places inside of her that wanted pressure. As I found those buttons, I began to increase the speed of my hand, making sure my palm was close against her clit. 

She was wet, practically gushing. I couldn’t wait to taste her. 

Astrid gripped the sheets, eyes closed, her hips and legs caught up in the rhythm. 

She began squeezing me more tightly, moans and gasps escaping her in little bursts. 

“Siobhan...Sio...Siobhan...please…” she cried. 

I heard myself moaning in response. She was so close, it was inevitable. I stroked my fingers deep, pressing inside of her, helping stoke the wave about to break. 

Astrid let out a loud cry, legs clamping tight around my hand. I felt the pulses of her orgasm and I continued to gently rock my fingers, drawing sensation out, letting her come down. 

She relaxed, an unfurling. Her eyelids fluttered open, her mouth in a beautiful pout. 

“You are so gorgeous,” I said as I let my fingers slip from her. 

She made a giddy little laugh, “That was incredible,” she said, taking my hand and kissing the back. 

I was so turned on, soaking wet. 

I leaned in for a kiss and Astrid was pulling at my nipples, fingertips brushing over the barbells. 

“You should get on top of me,” she sighed. 

She urged me to straddle her face, my thighs next to her ears. I cried out as she started to explore me. She ran her tongue between my lips, dipping inside of me before settling on my clit. 

It had been so long since anyone had touched me like this. I was sensitive, responsive, moaning, legs shaking.

My first orgasm crashed over me without warning. It was sudden and electric. I made a high pitched yelp, hips bucking. 

Astrid hummed in approval, lips soft against my clit. 

“You needed that,” she said, as I climbed off of her. 

I was panting, my own cheeks flushed. I sat backwards, pulling my legs under me. 

“I’m not done with you,” she said, leaning forward, reaching for my thigh. 

Astrid had me lay into the pillows and moved between my legs. 

She began to fill me with her fingers. 

“I like being able to see all of you,” she said, circling a nipple with her other hand. 

I moaned. 

Soon her tongue was stroking between my lips again. In minutes I was close. 

I brought a hand down towards her face, my fingers gently twirling through her red hair. She looked up, those blue eyes meeting mine. 

I let out a heavy sigh. 

Astrid sat up. 

She ran her left hand up my body, flat across my skin to rest against my throat. 

There was a quickening in my heart as she began to put gentle pressure on my windpipe. Her right hand was filling me and I could feel myself getting wetter. 

“Oh you do like this don’t you?”

I moaned and nodded, my lower lip pulling between my teeth. 

She wasn’t someone who needed to dominate, but she knew I’d like it. 

With her left hand on my throat and her right hand pumping inside of me, I began to give myself over to pleasure. 

My hips were rolling and I was crying out. 

Astrid increased the pressure on my throat and I felt that edge of helplessness - spread eagled, pinned to the bed by her hand, while she rubbed me all the way to orgasm. 

I curled forward, trembling, eyes squeezed shut, my muscles clenching from neck to toes. 

She released the grip on my throat, running her hand down my chest and belly, “That’s more like it,” she purred. 

I pulled her to me, catching my breath, stroking her hair. 

We tangled together a few more rounds. 

Astrid was a gentle lover. We explored each other with our hands and mouths, fingertips over skin. 

I made her come a second time, lapping at her. 

She made me come a final time with her hand. I felt my orgasm in my low belly as she curled her fingers inside of me. 

Afterwards we lay together, her head on my chest and my arms around her shoulders. 

My eyelids were heavy and I was sweetly pulled into sleep. 

***

Some time later, I felt Astrid’s weight shift. I murmured as she climbed out of bed. 

I heard her shuffling for her clothes, scattered across the floor. “You can stay here,” I said, missing her weight, the warmth of her body.

She leaned forward, lips grazing against mine. 

“I know what happens when someone gets caught in bed with you,” she teased. 

I laughed, and pulled her to me, wanting to taste her lips and tongue one last time. 

“Goodnight,” I told her. 

“Goodnight,” she echoed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I'm really excited for Saturday's post. We're going to meet some new characters, get reintroduced to some old ones, and learn more about how the First Order plans on conquering the Galaxy...
> 
> As always, I love to hear your thoughts in the comments!


	3. The Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've been looking forward to posting this one!
> 
> Siobhan continues her training on Ymir's estate. 
> 
> She will learn how Ymir and Snoke are planning to take control of the Galaxy. 
> 
> We'll see some familiar faces and how Siobhan navigates her new responsibilities as a Sith.

**I**

The next day, I brought my lightsabers with me to morning meditation. Ymir made a small smile when he noticed them on my belt. 

For the second day in a row, Ekene wasn’t there . 

When we were done, Ymir reminded me that we would be doing sparring practice after I checked in with Astrid.

Tasha took me to the med bay. 

Astrid treated me with her usual cool professional demeanor. I wasn’t offended. I was surprised that she had risked making a move on me in the first place. 

She set the IVs in my arm. 

“You said you were interviewing for a position,” I said, as she worked, “What’s the job?”

Astrid looked up at me, “It’s a supervisory position in my field of research,” she answered, “I would be overseeing the team that will run performance enhancement and health optimization studies for our troops.”

I did not like the sound of that. The First Order was notorious for brainwashing their conscripts from the poorer colonies. It’s how they maintained such a large army of faceless soldiers. 

“And Ymir is interviewing you?” I asked. 

“When Kylo Ren put me on this assignment, Lord Ymir was made aware that I was part of the candidate pool.” 

I was given an inhaler to pull from. The chemicals left a film of menthol over my tongue. 

“Tasha let me know you’ll resume physical training today,” she said. 

“That’s right,” I said, settling back in my chair. 

“Take the inhaler with you, and don’t push yourself too hard.”

“Tell Ymir that,” I said, my mouth drawing to the side, remembering our training on Korriban. 

“If he gives you a hard time, you can tell him to talk to me,” she said, playfully patting my arm. 

***

When I was done in the med bay, Tasha took me out of the house to a covered speeder waiting outside. 

The sun was up, and I appreciated the blue sky and green grass. I realized that I had spent all of yesterday inside. 

A service droid piloted us across the compound and I looked out at the sights. We passed by sprawling manicured gardens. Buildings dotted the property.

After a ten minute trip, we pulled up in front of a broad, two-story building. It was modern, with a metal facade and pneumatic doors. 

“This is the gym,” Tasha said. 

It was far more than one person needed. I assumed Ymir used it for First Order business. 

Tasha lead the way up to the second floor. The elevator opened into a wide space for combat training. 

Ymir and Ekene were in the middle of a match. 

Ekene had a staff, each end protected by rows of plasma filament. It crackled and spat as it made contact with Ymir’s golden blade. 

The two men were sweating with effort. 

I took a seat on the floor, my legs crossed, hands on my ankles. 

Tasha posted herself next to the elevator, hands clasped in front of her. 

I was transfixed by the match. 

Ekene moved like a dancer. There was precision and grace to his movements. I followed the way his feet swept along the floor. 

I _reached_ out for the two men. Cloaked, they couldn’t feel my energetic presence. 

Ymir was larger, steadier, his attacks were calculated. 

Ekene moved like water, constantly flowing. His movement created a distraction and his speed put Ymir on the defensive. He moved the double-ended weapon expertly, switching between blocking and offensive movements.

In the end, Ekene found an opening near Ymir’s shoulder and the match was done. 

It was the first time I had seen Ymir bested. 

“I’m fighting the winner right?” I said, getting to my feet and approaching them. 

“If you want to have a very brief match,” Ymir teased. 

Today, Ekene acknowledged my presence with a nod. 

“I want to be your first sparring partner,” Ymir continued, “Do you want to use both ‘sabers or just the one to begin?”

“I want to use both,” I said. 

I was excited. My first round of sparring with my own lightsabers. 

The mat was six meters wide and nine meters long. We had plenty of room to move. 

There was cushioned rubber underneath my feet. I made a few test bounces. It was sturdy material, with some grip to it. I wished I had taken my shoes off. 

Ekene set the staff on a weapons rack before taking a seat at the edge of the ring. 

We squared off. 

Ymir activated his lightsaber and we began to circle. With my two green blades at my side, it felt like we were equals now. 

I made the first move, stepping towards Ymir and making him parry. 

Our opening motions were friendly. I was getting a feel for my blades, how the brand new grips felt in my palms, how the impact was different from the swords Ren had given me. 

We moved through formal routines. I was alternating my lightsabers the way I had been practicing, but it was different having a laser at my back instead of steel. 

“Keep your wrist angled out,” Ymir instructed, “You can’t get lazy with these.”

He gave me the opportunity to make good use of both, challenging me without being aggressive. 

The last time we had fought it had been for real. I don’t think either of us wanted to open that door. 

Ekene watched us from his seat on the mat, one arm wrapped around his knee, the other leg splayed out in front of him. I could feel his distrust as his dark eyes followed me. 

The match ended as I blocked Ymir’s blade with a two handed move, dragging my outer hand down towards the hilt of his sword. Energy crackled, green against gold, and Ymir heaved upwards. 

We both fell back. Ymir deactivated his sword. 

I did the same. 

He threw an arm around my shoulders, squeezing me, “That’s what I want to see, girl!” he said with a grin. 

Ekene climbed to his feet, “I’ll take the next match with her,” he announced. 

I shrugged and looked up at Ymir. I didn’t know why he suddenly wanted to spar with me. 

Ymir didn’t make any objections. Ekene picked a simple sword with two plasma edges from the rack. 

“I was curious about the staff,” I said to him. 

He raised an eyebrow and looked to Ymir. 

“I’ll coach her if she gets into a tight spot,” Ymir replied. 

Ekene put the sword away, picked up the staff, and activated the two ends. 

I took the time to pull off my boots, _sending_ them to the edge of the mat, using the opportunity to show off. 

Ymir moved to the sidelines, but remained on his feet. 

I watched the way Ekene moved. I was used to Ymir, top heavy with a longer reach. Ekene had powerful legs and stable hips. He was faster and more graceful. 

As we started the fight, I realized that Ekene kept his body angled to the side, staff in front. It gave me fewer openings to aim for. 

We had an introductory give and take, parrying and thrusting, getting acquainted with one another. My heart was beating faster. Ekene didn’t seem to like me, and now we both had weapons in our hands, would he try to push it? Would he try to do anything that would hurt me?

He began to circle and weave around me. 

I kept my green blades up and extended my awareness. I wanted to track the patterns he was making and get a step ahead. 

From the match earlier, I knew Ekene was going easy on me. He was still a tough opponent. 

I was beginning to get in front of his footwork, but he was fast with the ends of the lance, striking at any opening I gave him. 

“You’ll get nowhere with those wide swings,” Ymir directed, “Keep your movements tight. Know what you’re aiming for.”

I tried to keep up with Ekene and Ymir gave me directions when I was stuck. I found myself enjoying the practice. I had the feeling that Ekene was showing off for Ymir, but the three of us were working together. 

Eventually, I was caught off guard with a lunge and lost my balance as I tried to block the end of his staff. 

He brought the other end around, aimed towards my chest. The staff, blue and crackling, came down. My body was tensing, unsure if he was going to push it, but he stopped. There was a testy glint in his eye as he noticed my reaction. 

I deactivated my blades and stepped back. Ekene turned off the plasma edges of the staff and extended a hand. When I shook it, his eyes were friendlier. 

We took a water break, then Ymir began running me through more drills and practice. 

On Korriban, before my kyber crystals, lightsabers seemed like a pipe dream. I knew how to use a blaster, that was the only weapon I had needed. But now that I had them, I found myself eager to learn. 

Ymir put me through another hour of drills. My lungs were burning with effort and I had to take a break to use the damned inhaler Astrid had given me. 

Ekene did his own practice off to the side. Ymir called him over a few times to demonstrate a movement or walk me through a sequence, but he mostly worked on his own. 

An attendant came up the elevator. It was the older servant from our welcome party. 

“Lord Ymir, your call with Prime Minister Tafo is in twenty minutes.”

“Thank you, Bergen,” he said from the mat and turned to me, “That should be enough for us this afternoon. You can take a break. I’ll have Tasha bring you to me after.”

“I’d like to steal your apprentice for the afternoon,” Ekene said from the weapons rack, “I think we should have a conversation.”

I looked at him, not sure of his intentions. 

“I agree,” Ymir replied. 

Ekene approached the two of us, “We can take a break and freshen up at the house. We’ll have lunch together in my rooms,” he told me. 

Ymir and Ekene left together in a covered speeder, Tasha and I took a second one. 

**II**

I had just planned on showering and changing my clothes, but Tasha had more in mind. She prepared an outfit while I bathed. After I was out of the shower, she dried and brushed my hair. 

I spent time in the mirror, getting familiar with my face. The burn had taken out half of my left eyebrow, my skin was pink, shiny, and raised. The rest of my skin was returning to normal. I was a darker shade of brown, but the tone was evening out, and my lips were no longer chapped and peeling. 

“Is there anything I need to know about him? Ekene?” I asked Tasha as she worked on my hair. 

I wasn’t expecting him to want to have lunch with me. I didn’t know what to expect. He could be wanting to make peace with me, or this could be an attempt to bully me behind closed doors. 

She looked at me for a moment before answering, “Master Duru has a wide range of interests, much like Lord Ymir. He’s very charming and can make conversation on almost anything. I don’t think you need to worry about having lunch together.”

I remembered his friendliness when we first met. 

“We got off on the wrong foot. I wasn’t expecting him to want to meet with me,” I said pulling the dress over my head. 

“Well then, we’ll help you make a good second impression,” Tasha said with a soft smile. 

She had good taste. 

Tasha had picked a beautiful, green, silk dress. It was sleeveless and trailed to the floor. There was a silver chain belt to go around my waist and silver beaded sandals for my feet. 

“This is perfect,” I said, running my hands down the silk, appreciating the smoothness. 

“I’m glad you like it,” Tasha said. 

She had me sit down to finish my hair and make-up. 

“I’d like to schedule a time for us to take your measurements and discuss your personal style,” she said as she wove my hair into a fishtail braid. 

I fought the urge to laugh. It was too much. I wasn’t used to this. 

“Sure. I think you know my schedule better than I do. Whenever I’m not training should be fine,” I said. 

She had a palette ready on the counter. 

“Now, I haven’t seen you express any concern over your scars or tattoos,” Tasha began delicately, “Is there anything you would like me to do with your make-up?”

It was amazing the way people talked to you when you had power. 

My body was mangled - just starting to recover from the desert. The burn took up half my face and the tattoos were ugly. Still, Tasha wasn’t going to say anything that would bruise my ego. 

“Nah. It is what it is,” I told her, “There was a time in my life where these scars would really matter to me, but I actually like them. I’m glad you chose a sleeveless dress.”

“Thank you, Madam Zhang,” Tasha said, “I hoped I wasn’t overstepping.”

She talked while she worked, asking how I usually did my make-up, the colors I preferred, the features I wanted to bring out. 

I answered her questions, completely out of practice. The past few years I had been living in jumpsuits. When I was regularly going out and getting done up I was in a brothel or part of a smuggling crew. That wasn’t the look for polite society. 

Tasha was quick. When she was done I looked natural, but my skin was brighter, lips smooth, my eyes popped. 

The last touches were silver drop earrings and a long silver necklace that she looped over my head. 

Satisfied with her work, she escorted me to Ekene’s rooms. 

***

He was on same upper floor as Ymir.

Ekene met me in a sitting room. The place was lush and colorful, filled with plants and stylish furniture. 

He was lounging on a sofa, a tablet in his lap. He stood as I entered and approached to take my hand. “You look lovely,” he said. 

“Thanks,” I replied with a little smile. 

It wasn’t enough for me to believe that this would be a completely friendly encounter, but it was a start. 

“I thought we’d eat on the balcony. We can get some fresh air after being cooped up in the gym all morning,” he said, and showed me through a side door. We walked through a short hallway before emerging onto the balcony. 

A servant stood off to the side. There was a table set, complete with a white cloth and flowers. The servant moved Ekene’s chair before mine. 

I took my seat, looking at him carefully while our wine glasses were poured. 

Ekene had dressed well for our conversation, his robe was also silk. There were flowering plants and birds embroidered across it in gold thread. The outfit must cost hundreds of credits, tailor-made for him, and he wore it as easily as I wore my boots. 

I tried to guess his age. He looked to be in his forties, maybe fifties. He had some lines around his mouth and across his forehead. There was a dusting of white at his temples. He was broad shouldered and athletic, almost the same height as Ymir. 

Ekene was watching me as I watched him. 

He took a sip of wine before speaking first, “Now, from what I’ve gathered, you’re a very direct person, so I’m going to be direct with you.”

Music to my ears. I took a sip from my glass. 

“I was prepared to like you, when we first met,” Ekene began. 

I gave him a look over my wine glass. We were getting right to it then. 

“Lord Ymir told me about you when he was on the Finalizer. He said he found you in Kylo Ren’s bed, acting like you owned the place.”

I almost choked on my wine, “Ymir told you that?” 

“Those were his words,” Ekene said breezily, “He called me after the first part of your training on Korriban. He said that you’re full of piss and vinegar.”

That was also true. 

We were served the first course. 

I was paying attention to Ekene. 

“Then Lord Ymir returns home with a wound on his stomach, tells me that you tried to kill him when he rescued you and that he wants me to be responsible for your arms training.”

There was a lot of new information for me to process. I rankled at his use of the word “rescue”, and I hadn’t heard anything about Ymir wanting Ekene to train me. 

“I understand that you’re upset about our fight, that I hurt him,” I said evenly. 

“I was livid when he told me,” Ekene clarified, meeting my eyes, “I told him I didn’t want you in the house. I don’t know why he doesn’t have more security on you.”

I took a cool sip of wine. I was liking him more and more. He wasn’t holding back. 

Ekene wasn’t done, “I’m making the decision to sit and talk with you because Lord Ymir actually enjoys having you as a student, so I want to know more about you.”

I wanted to know more about him. We were both in the right place. 

“Do you know my history with Ymir?” I asked. 

Ekene nodded, and I began to eat while he talked. The servant had given me a bowl of clear brothy soup.

“Lord Ymir told me that your father was responsible for killing his wife in the Battle of Endor,” he said, “He found your father in hiding after the war, and had his revenge.”

That couldn’t be a story Ymir told to just anyone. They had to be very close. 

I thought for a moment before speaking. It would be better to have Ekene as a friend rather than an enemy. I needed him to understand me. 

“I only heard the part about his wife while we were on Korriban. I don’t even think my father knew why Ymir personally came for him,” I said, keeping my tone even, “My side of the story, is that, when I was fifteen, Ymir walked into my home and murdered my father in front of me and my family.”

Ekene considered me for some time. 

As the silence stretched between us, I decided to keep going, wanting him to know the true nature of the man he shared a bed with. 

“He left my father’s corpse on the floor. I was the one who dug his grave. It took two trips for me to move the body.”

Ekene looked at me carefully. He had his hands steepled in front of him, his dark eyes were unwavering. I gazed back at him, keeping my expression open.

“I’ve never had to survive anything like that. I can only imagine how it feels,” he finally said, and paused again, “Lord Ymir told me that he sensed your connection with the Force, with the Darkside, that day.”

“I didn’t know anything about the Force. When he came into our home it was like a lightning strike. I recognized the power he had.”

Ekene’s expression was softening, “I had the same impression of him, but under very different circumstances.”

I raised an eyebrow, tilting my head to show I was interested in hearing more. 

The servant took away our soup replacing it with some kind of bread. I was hungry, but I was more interested in Ekene’s story. 

“We first met twelve years ago. There had always been something inside of me that I couldn’t define. When I met Lord Ymir, everything fell into place.”

I drank more wine and began to pick at the bread while he talked. 

“Now I’m sure you’ve sensed that I’m no great adept, but I’m committed to the practice. I was here when he brought in Kylo Ren and his little posse of defected Jedi, before they were the Knights of Ren.”

I smiled mischievously, “So you’ve trained with Ren? What was that like?”

“You’re more familiar with him than I am,” Ekene teased. We were warming up to one another, “It’s what you’d expect. He was too serious, barely talked.”

I laughed. 

“They trained here for about a year. Every few cycles Lord Ymir would take Kylo Ren out to Korriban to train. They’d come back sandblasted and haggard, with some new story about what they had survived.”

“Do you want to know about my time there?” I asked. 

“I’m curious,” Ekene said, “Apparently, you’re not much of a student.”

“Oh, I’m definitely not,” I agreed. 

The servant replaced the bread with a course of meat. It smelled delicious. 

I kept my tone light and casual as I talked. I knew every word of this conversation would be going back to Ymir.

“In Darth Bane’s tomb, he drugged me and left me to fight my way out of the Valley of the Dark Lords,” I said, “I had no idea when he’d be back, or if he’d even be back. I was left with enough supplies for a week, but he abandoned me there for sixty-three days.”

Ekene returned to thoughtful silence. We ate and drank for a few moments, just the breeze and the sound of our utensils on plates to keep us company. 

“Lord Ymir has put you through hell,” he finally said. He spoke calmly. There wasn’t any outrage or pity in his voice. It was just a fact. “I still think the arrangement between you two is very strange, but I’m starting to see why he likes you.”

**III**

I was comfortably wine drunk when Ekene cut me loose. We had spent more time talking and drinking than we did eating, and the alcohol was working its way through my mind. 

When I got back to the rooms, I lounged around in the gardens outside my window, my head in my hands, gazing up at the trees and flowers above me. 

Ymir didn’t have anything else for me to do that day so I sat back and enjoyed myself. 

Late in the afternoon, Tasha made good on her plans to style me. 

She came in with a tablet, measuring instruments, and a thick book of fabric swatches. Over snacks and bubbly alcohol Tasha talked to me about what fashions I liked, the colors and patterns that worked for me. 

I liked the attention. It felt similar to coming up with costumes and outfits for the brothel. Tasha was going to make my clothes for state functions and parties. It was the exact same thing. I was going to presenting an image, selling an idea. 

“I’m preparing two outfits for you. In the next few days you’ll be having a formal meeting then attend the opera with Lord Ymir and several First Order representatives,” Tasha said as she wrapped up her work. 

“He didn’t say anything about an opera,” I replied.

“I have your weekly schedule. We can set a time to review it together if you’d like,” Tasha said. 

I tried not to laugh. I knew that people lived like this, but I never thought it would be part of my experience. 

***

That evening, Astrid invited herself over to my room, knocking on the door after Tasha had left. 

This time we went right to bed, with no pretense of drinks or conversation beforehand. 

She was sweet, writhing and moaning in the sheets. We moved together, slowly exploring our bodies with lips and fingers. 

Astrid left when we were done, leaving me sweaty, satisfied, but alone in my bed. 

***

Over the next few days, my life settled into a comfortable routine. It was easy to do. 

Each morning, Tasha woke me politely, with caffeine at the ready. 

Ekene rejoined Ymir and I for morning meditations. 

After that, Ekene and I did physical training together. It got harder. He had us running circuits through the property, then we’d do a round of calisthenics before combat practice. We worked together about four hours every morning. 

Sometimes Ymir would join us, but more often he did his own physical routine. Every morning he had a round of calls and meetings from his office. 

I pushed myself. It was embarrassing when I needed to use the inhaler, but I seemed to be making progress. I needed it less and less often. 

After a few hours of training the three of us would eat together, then I’d spend a few hours with Ymir as he made more calls with First Order leadership. 

The conversations were dry. They’d talk numbers and fleet responsibilities. By this point in the day I’d be struggling to keep my eyes open. 

During the meetings, I learned more about what Ren had been doing. 

After the attack on my old training base, they had combed the records to see where most of the new recruits were coming from. Ren and a few of his Knights had been sent out to capture the Resistance leaders and destroy those cells. 

In the evenings, when I was done working with Ymir in the office, Ekene would take me back for a few more hours of physical training before dinner. 

Slowly he began adding in more realistic combat practice. I was learning how to use my lightsabers to deflect blaster fire. I was glad that our relationship had improved before we started those routines. It was a challenge. I had to be completely submerged in the Force, anticipating intent and movement. In that space, action and reaction were the same. 

I liked training with him. Ekene was fun. He was strict and detail focused, but he wasn’t commanding in the same way Ymir was. He made jokes and teased me. It felt like we were becoming friends. 

We got to learn more about each other in our hours together. Ekene began to open up about his life. He had inherited his company from his father when he was in his thirties. He ran it mostly in name, attending events and signing off on big decisions made by other people. He felt his life had been directionless before meeting Ymir, before he began to explore his connection with the Force. 

As he shared more about himself, I began to tell him about my life. At his request, I shared the story about being captured by Ren. He heard about those frantic minutes on the Vangelis, trying to keep her flying, then those terrifying moments of freefall. I said that I was interrogated on the Finalizer, but I didn’t tell him about the torture. He laughed when I described being woken up by Ymir, Ren blustering as he pulled on his clothes. 

Astrid came by my room most nights, always leaving for her room afterwards. 

Everything was going well. I didn’t want for anything. 

Still, part of my mind was stuck on Korriban. The nightmares persisted, irregular and unpredictable. During the day I would catch myself drifting off - starting to make plans to get water or hunt shyracks - thinking about those desperate, lonely times. 

My left forearm was a daily reminder. Sometimes the tattoos and scars gave me a sense of pride, they felt like a representation of my strength, but other times all I could remember was the hurt. 

I kept those thoughts to myself. With my aura cloaked, Ymir couldn’t see what was in my heart or mind. If Ekene noticed that I was losing focus I just brought myself back. 

I wasn’t on Korriban any more. I had survived. I just needed to put it behind me. 

**IV**

One afternoon, Ymir had a meeting with me before we began our calls. 

I was sitting next to him at the desk, dressed in my loose training clothes. He had changed after lunch, wearing tan and gold robes. 

“I’m about to call Kylo Ren. He and his Knights have just returned to the Finalizer and I’m going to have you sit in for our conversation.”

I had no idea what to expect. When we parted ways on Taltua I figured he hated me, blaming me for being put on shit detail. But he had snuck the two swords in my bag and assigned Astrid to go to Korriban. I doubted that he’d be happy to find out I’d been fucking his medic, but those acts of kindness meant something to me. 

Ymir continued, “Tomorrow we’ll be receiving his new second in command, Vice Admiral Armitage Hux. Admiral Clive will be taking command of the Harbinger, controlling activities at the border with the New Republic.”

That couldn’t be a coincidence. Ren had fucked a Rebel war prisoner, then was sent out for the better part of a cycle. Now that he was returning to the Finalizer, the Admiral who had been in charge was being put on a new assignment. 

Ymir made everything sound so matter-of-fact. 

“Our morning schedule will remain the same. We’ll do our meditations and you’ll train with Ekene. In the afternoon you’ll be joining Vice Admiral Hux to be briefed on a new project for the First Order.”

An afternoon of meetings with a stuffed shirt. I couldn’t wait. 

“Okay, sounds good,” I said, crossing my ankle over my knee. 

“I’ve made the decision to promote Astrid to Chief Medical Supervisor for our troops,” Ymir continued. 

There was a grin spreading across my face, “That’s great news. Have you told her yet?”

“I met with her a few hours ago. She’ll be returning to the Finalizer with the Vice Admiral the day after tomorrow.”

A little pang ran through me at the thought of her leaving, but I was happy to hear that she was getting what she wanted. 

“Tomorrow night the five of us will be attending the opera, planet-side. Tasha will be preparing you for both events. This will be similar to when I introduced you at Superior General Snoke’s court. You’ll be representing our new Sith Order and myself, directly.”

No pressure. 

“So when’s my first actual assignment? Or do I just keep sparring with Ekene and trying on outfits?”

I was starting to feel like a puppet. Ymir kept talking about introductions and appearances, but I hadn’t done anything yet. Life at the house was easy. It was comfortable. It was starting to make me stir crazy. 

Ymir smiled, “I’m working on an assignment for you. Many plans are about to be set in motion and I’ll need eyes and hands across the Galaxy. I think your criminal ties and smuggling experience will be of great use to us.”

“What do you have in mind?” I asked. 

“I think you can be our dark horse,” Ymir said, “You have a low profile…”

I snorted. 

Ymir gave me a look, “You have experience that none of our leadership has. I see potential for you to influence events that the First Order can’t officially be involved in.”

I liked the sound of that. 

He continued, “I think it will be helpful for you to know the story I’ve started within the First Order. I mentioned earlier that the name Lin Siniang distances you from the original events on the Finalizer.”

“I understand.”

“The story is that you have been acting as a spy within the Resistance, that was how you had the knowledge to take the base.”

“Oh that’s good,” I said with a wicked grin. 

Ren’s reputation was protected and mine was scrubbed clean. 

Ymir was done with his big speech. He pulled up his holoscreen and punched in the call code. Ren appeared on the screen, hooded and masked. 

“Kylo Ren,” Ymir warmly greeted.

Even with the mask over his face and the distance between us, I felt his gaze fall on me. 

“Lord Ymir,” he replied stiffly, voice gravelly through the audiofeed, “Siobhan.”

“I thought Adram and Yuri would be joining you for this call,” Ymir said. 

“They’re still meeting with the group captains. I can bring them up,” Ren said and began to unlatch the mask, fasteners hissing and rattling. 

“No need,” Ymir said, “We’ve spoken recently. I’ve decided that I want them to join Admiral Clive on the Harbinger. I want to put more pressure on Chancellor Mon Motha. We can discuss those plans later.”

Ren was staring at me. His pale face made his eyes look even more intense. 

“I’ll make sure they get the order,” Ren replied, eyes flickering to Ymir before returning to me, “It’s so good to see you, Siobhan. Lord Ymir told me that you’ve built your lightsaber.”

“Two of them,” I said with a cocky smile. 

It seemed the time apart had allowed him to forgive me. 

“I look forward to sparring,” he said with a sharp grin, “I want to hear about your time on Korriban. I heard you killed a rancor…”

Ymir was looking at me with a droll expression. He turned to the screen, “I was calling to discuss Vice Admiral Hux’s appointment to the Finalizer,” he interrupted, “The two of you can talk at a later time.”

“Uh, yes Lord Ymir,” Ren said, collecting himself. 

I indulged in a smile and gave Ren a wink as Ymir began talking.

“The Vice Admiral will arrive tomorrow and will be assuming responsibilities on the Finalizer four days from now. Neither he nor Siobhan know about the plans for our new base. I’ll be briefing them tomorrow.”

I didn’t know why Ymir was suddenly being so coy with his plans. 

“Astrid has just been promoted to Chief Medical Supervisor. Her responsibilities will be changing as she prepares for the new role.”

“Yes, Lord Ymir,” Ren said. 

“Once the the Vice Admiral and Astrid have returned to the Finalizer, you’ll be going to the base. We’re just starting to break ground on the barracks and command center.”

“So Juall Corp signed the agreement?” Ren asked. 

That got my attention. 

Ymir pursed his lips in annoyance, “He’s still playing hard to get. Personally, I wish we had another option, but no other engineering team is even half as good as his.”

“The Superior General feels confident he’ll come around.”

“Oh, I’m sure he will,” Ymir replied, “But not until he’s worked out the best possible deal for himself.”

I remembered my conversation with Rajendra at Snoke’s palace. It hadn’t even been a full cycle, but it might as well have been a hundred years ago, so much had happened since then. 

Raj was the only person I had ever seen disrespect Ymir, the only person who had managed to rile him up. 

“We could force his hand,” Ren said, expression growing more serious, “I’m sure that if we moved some of our ships into his territory, he won’t feel so eager to play games.”

Ymir was shaking his head, “We can’t always use our military when we encounter obstacles. Allies made through duress will eventually become traitors. I’m not concerned that Rajendra can outsmart me, so I’m going to let him play his game a little while longer.”

Ren hung onto every word. It was amazing to see how devoted he was. 

“Yes, Lord Ymir,” he said with a serious nod. 

“Has Commander Whitcomb gone over the sector updates with you?” Ymir asked, returning to business. 

“Yes. I’ve been briefed on all assignments and missions from the Finalizer.”

“That’s all I wanted to discuss with you,” Ymir said, “I’ll have a meeting with Yuri and Adram sometime after tomorrow.”

“Yes, Lord Ymir.”

He ended the call with the press of a button. 

There was a lot of new information for me to mull over. 

“I didn’t think he’d be so excited to see me,” I said with a mischievous smile. 

Ymir raised an eyebrow and shook his head, “You can go take a break. Plan to resume training with Ekene at the usual time.”

“Sure thing, boss,” I said and left the office. 

There were so many questions swirling around in my mind. 

I was curious about the First Order’s plans and how Raj was involved. Maybe there was an opportunity for me to get a leg up. 

***

After finishing my evening training with Ekene, I knocked on Astrid’s door. 

Her expression was bright when she answered. 

“I got the position!” she said, for a moment looking girlishly joyful. 

I fought the urge to kiss her right there in the hallway. 

“Congratulations,” I said with a grin, “We should celebrate.”

“I’d love to,” Astrid said, following me to my room. 

“So tomorrow night is your last night before going back to the Finalizer. What do you want to do before you’re on duty again?”

Astrid pulled me in for a kiss. 

**V**

The next day, I woke with an electric feeling of anticipation. I was curious to find out about the new project. 

I was impatient during our morning routine. The meditation was slow, sandwiched between Ymir and Ekene. 

The morning run was a relief after having to sit still and concentrate. 

“Do you know anything about this Vice Admiral that’s coming in?” I asked, as we moved through the gently rolling lawns, our shoes slapping over the gravel path. 

“I do...He’s been stationed...in the Otomok System...one of my primary...mining operations,” Ekene said, panting as we ran. 

“What do you think about him?” I asked, pulling in breath. 

“Armitage Hux...received top marks...from his military academy...His family is very important…” Ekene replied, a smug twist to his lips. 

So he was that kind of man. 

Ekene took a gulp of air and slowed down to talk, “I’m just irritated because we’ve seen a terrorist cell rise up under the watch of the First order. They’re damaging the mines and spreading lies through our laborers. It’s starting to affect production numbers. Hux came up empty-handed, but he’s still getting his promotion to Vice Admiral…”

“They’re moving him up so Kylo Ren can save face,” I said. 

Ekene looked over to me. We had slowed to a walk. 

“All the officers on the Finalizer know that Ren fucked a prisoner of war - that’s me. Ymir is moving Admiral Clive now that he’s back from shit detail.”

“You are quick,” Ekene said with a grin. 

I shrugged. We got back to our run. 

***

After training, Tasha whisked me up to my room to prepare for the meeting. 

Lunch was waiting and I picked at the food as she worked on me. 

Tasha had made a set of black and red formal robes. There was a high collar, and a wide belt to hang my lightsabers from. I was covered in fabric from neck to feet. The only hint of style was the center panel, a rich shade of crimson. 

“I look like Ren,” I said, tugging at the collar. 

“This one was mostly out of my hands,” Tasha said braiding my hair, “Lord Ymir provided me with the guidelines.”

“I guess he wants a matched set,” I grumbled. 

Tasha was fighting to keep her expression neutral. 

“I’m not wearing this later am I?” 

“No love,” she assured me, “You’ll look stunning. I’ll see to that.”

When she was done, I took a moment in front of the full length mirror. I was covered in layers of red and black, only my face and hands were visible. With my hair pulled back in a tight braid, the scar on my face was more prominent. I made a cold military expression. 

I looked intimidating. 

“Alright. Let’s go,” I said. 

***

We arrived at the office and I stepped in, ahead of Tasha. Ymir, Ekene, and the Vice Admiral were already seated.

“Lin Siniang,” she announced with short bow.

I was the last to arrive. Something told me it had been planned that way. 

They rose to their feet and Ymir approached to lead me to the sitting area. 

I looked at the Vice Admiral. He was tall and pasty, but he had handsome features and bright green eyes. He was also a red-head, his hair slicked back with too much pomade. His military cap rested on the table. 

“Lin, I’d like you to meet Vice Admiral Armitage Hux. Vice Admiral, this is my apprentice Lin Siniang.”

“It’s a pleasure,” he said in a posh, stuffy voice, taking my hand, “I’ve heard about your success with the Resistance base.”

“Thank you, Vice Admiral,” I said shaking his hand. There was an eager, hungry look in his eyes.

I knew Hux’s type from working at the Outpost. Men like him walked in with a few credits in their pockets and expected to be waited on like kings. They were entitled, demanding, and stingy. 

We took our seats. Hux and I were on one sofa while Ymir and Ekene sat opposite us. There was a holoprojector set up on the low table. 

Ymir was talking, “Vice Admiral, upon your promotion you were informed you would be helping execute a top secret project for the First Order. Kylo Ren has an instrumental role to play and you’ll be acting as his second-in-command. For that reason, I wanted to brief you myself.” 

Hux was sitting straight backed at the edge of his seat, practically salivating. 

I fought the urge to roll my eyes at Ekene. 

Ymir activated the holo display. 

A massive snow covered planet appeared in the window. 

“Several years ago, while Kylo Ren and I were training in the uncharted regions, we discovered a previously unknown planet, rich in kyber crystals. It remains officially undiscovered and unnamed.”

Ymir was using his lecturing tone. We’d all be listening for a while. 

To the side of the projection from the display, information began to appear in the sidebar. I glanced at the text. There was data on the geological composition, weather patterns, and relationship with other planets in the system. 

“Immediately, we saw potential in the planet, at the very least as a base for training, however, as the years passed, we’ve made a more ambitious plan. With the sheer mass of kyber crystals, I believe that we can turn it into a weapon.”

There was a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. 

The image of the planet was replaced by a three dimensional chart. The exterior of the planet was outlined in blue, the inner workings were in yellow. 

“We will mine the kyber crystals and channel the energy from the parent star to create a weapon that can destroy not just a planet, but an entire solar system. We’re calling it Starkiller Base.”

A Deathstar. They were going to try to build another fucking Deathstar. 

Ymir was excited, his eyes were bright. He was talking with his hands. To my right, Hux was at attention. Ekene was looking to Ymir. 

I kept my expression in check. 

Another fucking Deathstar…

“Lord Ymir, the New Republic won’t stand a chance against us,” Hux said with a fierce, prideful set to his jaw. 

Ymir continued, “I want to see this project completed in the next five years. Donnall Extraction is providing the raw materials and manufacturing support. The planet will also serve as a training site for our new recruits. I’ve assigned Captain Phasma to oversee those operations.”

My head was spinning, but Ymir wasn’t close to being done. 

“We can’t have the New Republic or the Resistance discovering the base while it’s under construction. Kylo Ren and the Finalizer will be my primary liaison to that end. You’ll be responsible for any operations to protect the secrecy of the base.” 

Ymir looked to me, “Lin Siniang has been acting as our dark horse. She has infiltrated the Resistance and has developed a relationship with several underground organizations. I expect that she will be coordinating with you and the Finalizer as our plans are set in motion.”

Hux was giving me a look of respect. He would be working with the two Sith acolytes directly under Lord Ymir, only a few steps from the seat of power. I wondered what his reaction would be when he heard the rumors on the Finalizer. 

“Tomorrow, you’ll be leaving with Dr. Vogt. She has been serving as Kylo Ren’s personal medic for the last three years. I’ve promoted her to Chief Medical Supervisor, conducting health and performance optimization for our new soldiers. Once you arrive on the Finalizer, you’ll be travelling to the base to oversee the start of construction. ”

“Lord Ymir, I’m honored to be taking on this assignment,” Hux said, hands on his knees. 

“We’ll remain in close communication,” Ymir said, “I’ll be conducting a briefing for you, Kylo Ren, Captain Phasma, and our other leadership. At the end of the cycle we’ll have an official state event with our allies and partners.”

Ymir turned off the holoprojector and stood, “You’ve never visited my estate before. I’ll show you the property.” 

Hux climbed to his feet, happy to have Ymir’s individual attention. 

The two men left the room together, leaving Ekene and I alone. 

“So, what do you think of our new Vice Admiral?” he asked, a smirk tugging at his lips. 

I turned my head towards the door the two men had just walked through, “What a fucking bootlicker,” I said. 

Ekene laughed, slapping his knee as he stood up, “I knew I liked you,” he offered me a hand, “Come to my rooms and drink wine with me. We don’t need to be sober for anything else today.”

**VI**

We finished two bottles before Tasha came in to get me ready. 

I was having a good time as we walked back to my room. 

When we arrived, everything was set up for me. There was a rack with three different dresses to choose from. There was another twi’lek girl I had never seen before. She was a little younger and stood with her hands clasped, eyes directed at the ground. 

I approached the rack, running my hands across the fabric. 

“Any of these dresses will be appropriate for the evening, you can pick the one you like best,” Tasha said.

“Is Astrid getting the same treatment?”

“Pardon?”

“Is Astrid getting all done up in her room?” I repeated. 

“Yes, of course, madam.”

“Ask her if she wants to join me.”

“Yes, madam.”

The other twi’lek girl hurried off. 

I headed into the shower. 

When I came out, Astrid was in a chair getting her nails done. She was dressed in her peach robe. Tasha was drying her hair. 

“Thanks for inviting me,” Astrid said. 

“It’s more fun this way,” I replied sinking into my chair. 

I loved getting ready for events. Tasha and the other twi’lek servant did everything for us. Astrid and I talked as we were buffed and shined. 

“I wasn’t expecting this at all. I only get to do something like this every few years,” Astrid said with a contented sigh. 

“Oh come on, the Finalizer doesn’t have spas hidden away somewhere?”

Astrid laughed. 

“I can’t wait to see the performance tonight,” she said, “The opera house on Kotrea is the best in the Galaxy and I’ve always wanted to see Madame Dahn.”

“Never heard of her,” I replied. 

“She’s incredible. I’ve been listening to her recordings for ages. I’ll let you know what’s going on.”

Then it was time for me to choose a dress. They were all different in color and style. I held them up, settling on a slinky black number. The neckline was cut straight across, but the back plunged low. 

To my surprise, the dress was designed to go with my wide belt. I was expected to wear my lightsabers to the opera. They would be my status marker. 

Astrid was dressed in blue. The gown left her shoulders bare, and cut low across her chest. The fitted sleeves tapered off at the wrists, and the skirts flowed out like a bell. Her short hair was left to gently curl at her jawline. 

Tasha began to section off my hair, weaving it into an elegant nest of braids, highlighted with gemstone pins. My make-up was dark and dramatic, while Astrid was left looking more natural. 

When they were done with us, I took Astrid’s arm as we were escorted through the house. 

***

There was a formal dinner in a large stately room. A quartet of Grans playing stringed instruments were set up in the corner, making music for us to talk over. 

Everyone was looking their best. Ymir’s beard was freshly trimmed and he looked powerful in robes of black and gold. Hux was in a suit, complete with a high white collar and tie. 

I had been drinking steadily for hours and had a solid buzz going by the time I got to the table. 

A servant poured a pale glass of wine, and Ekene stood, raising his glass in a toast. 

“It looks like three among us have had promotions, or accomplishments, in recent weeks and that should be recognized,” Ekene had natural charisma. He cut a figure with his broad shoulders, dark skin, and bright crimson robes, “Vice Admiral Hux, congratulations on your appointment to the Finalizer and your service to the First Order.” 

He turned to Astrid, “Dr. Vogt, you’ve impressed me with your grace and intelligence, and I’m deeply grateful for your care to both Lord Ymir and Madam Siniang on this assignment.”

He turned to me last, “Lin, I met you after a very difficult training on Korriban and, in our time working together, I’ve discovered you are as bright as you are fearsome. To the First Order!” he announced. 

The five of us touched our glasses, “To the First Order!”

We were served course after course with more wine to go with each. 

I was seated to Ymir’s right, Hux was next to me. 

He was making conversation in my ear, talking too eagerly. 

“I’ve only heard rumors about Korriban. I understand that it was where the Sith Empire was begun. What’s it like?”

“It’s a dangerous place,” I said, deciding to put on a show, “There’s a burial ground for all the old Sith masters and it’s protected by a special breed of rancor. I was able to kill one, unarmed.”

Hux was hanging onto my words. 

Ymir turned to me, “I promised you a reward for that.”

I grinned at him, “You did, didn’t you.” I turned to Hux, “I heard you were hunting terrorists on Otomok.”

His expression fell for a moment, “Oh yes, the guerillas...They’re cowards hiding in mountain tunnels. They come out, try to wreak havoc on the active mines, then scuttle back to their holes.”

Ymir and Ekene stepped in to guide the conversation. They began to talk about the First Order, professional levels of gossiping that Astrid and Hux could participate in. 

Hux agreed with everything they said. 

I didn’t know who anyone was, and found my mind wandering. 

“We’ll have an audience with Madame Dahn before the performance tonight,” Ymir said as we finished the dinner. 

I had drunk enough wine to feel very friendly. I was even excited to be going to the show. 

Ymir lead us from the dining room, out to the landing pad where a sleek transport shuttle was waiting. The five of us piled inside. 

It was posh. There was a bench upholstered in cream colored leather along one wall, with a smooth windowpane above it. A bar with a service droid was along the opposite wall. Eight cushy chairs were arranged in groups of four at the front and back of the space. 

Astrid and Hux took a seat on the bench as we lifted off. I joined Ymir near the center of the room.

“You clean up nicely,” he said with a teasing smile.

“Thanks. I actually like to get dressed up,” I said. 

Ekene joined us, putting an arm around my waist, “You’ll be turning heads tonight. I’m going to be helping with introductions as Lord Ymir shows you off to the big wigs.”

“Remind me what you told Raj that evening, when I was introducing you at the Superior General’s court,” Ymir said. 

He was looser, more playful. I hadn’t heard him be so casual with names before. Was he tipsy?

“He wanted to know where I came from,” I said to Ekene, “I told him I fell out of the sky.”

Ekene gave me a sly look, knowing the story of how I was captured, “You’re a natural. That will work on the crowd tonight.” 

Ymir glanced over at Hux, sitting close to Astrid on the bench. He patted Ekene’s arm before strolling over to them, drink in hand. 

“That’s nice of him. I was about to go check in.” I said. 

Ekene gave me a knowing look, before switching gears, “Lord Ymir is going to be making the rounds once we arrive,” he said leaning an elbow on the bar, “He’s going to be showing off you, Armitage, and Dr. Vogt. You’re going to be introduced to a lot of very important people and we want them to be buzzing about you afterwards.” 

“I’m game,” I said with a smile. 

***

Our ship landed on the roof of the opera house. 

There was a welcome party of First Order security, attendants. Front and center was a poised Utapuan man, tall and pale. He wore elegant shimmering gray robes. At his side was a slender Kaminoan woman, dressed in black. 

Ymir and Ekene were the first down the ramp. The Atapaun made a formal bow.

“Lord Ymir, Master Duru, it is such a pleasure to host you tonight,” he said. 

“Shadrex, I’d like to introduce you to my guests,” Ymir said, “This is my apprentice Lin Siniang, Vice Admiral Armitage Hux, and Dr. Astrid Vogt.”

The man shook our hands, crisp and formal, “Lupala will be making sure you have everything you need tonight.”

Our little party was ushered into a warm, grandly decorated room. Everything was highly polished, there were gold accents near the ceiling and on the furniture. The ceiling was high and there were First Order banners on the walls.

There were five other groups of people, all dressed in gowns, robes, and suits. It was a relief to be back in a room with more than just humans. I spotted a couple of Chagrians with their blue skin and horns, Quarren with their smooth, whitish skin, and tentacles draping over their mouths, and Ishi Tib with their beaks and stalk eyes. 

Everyone was done up in their finery. The women were dripping with jewels. 

“Lord Ymir!” one of the Chagrians said, approaching us with a woman in tow. 

We had a round of introductions and hand shaking. The Chagrian ran some kind of company. We joined their group, exchanging idle pleasantries. 

I felt people’s attention lingering on me after I was introduced as Ymir’s student. I felt them eyeing the scar on my face, the lightsabers on my belt. 

Ymir and Ekene did the talking, it was easy for me to stay removed and aloof. 

As we worked our way through the social gauntlet, there was a hubbub as the singer made her entrance. 

“Lord Ymir! I’m so glad you came to see me!” she announced. 

The woman came into the room like a storm, cutting through the gaggle of people surrounding Ymir. She embraced him and he kissed her on both cheeks.

“Always playing favorites,” Ekene teased.

“Of course I do, love,” she replied, before giving Ekene a hug and a kiss on the cheek. 

She was tall, over two meters in her heels. Her hair had been arranged into a gorgeous tower of curls that cascaded down her back. Everything about her was large, her voice, her chest, her jewelry. Her dress was a shimmering net of gold, and she had a large, white, fur drape over her shoulders. 

I instantly liked her. 

“Now who did you bring with you?” she asked, looking around our little group.

“This is my acolyte, Lin Siniang,” Ymir introduced. 

“Oh this darling thing?” she said, taking my hand and kissing the back over my black satin gloves, “Well, I just noticed the lightsabers. Can I have her if I need a new bodyguard?”

I winked at her and she gave me a coy smile. She stood more than a head taller than me. 

“This is Vice Admiral Hux,” Ymir continued, letting her have her patter with us. 

She shook his hand, looking him up and down, “I like a man in uniform. You can remember that for next time.”

Hux tried to fight the blush creeping up his neck. 

“This is Dr. Vogt.”

Astrid shook her hand, expression brightening, “It’s such a pleasure to meet you. I’ve admired you for a long time.”

“Oh Lord Ymir, you brought a fan,” she said, giving Astrid a hug and a kiss on the cheek, “I’ll have something signed and sent up to you.”

“Thank you,” Astrid said. 

When she was done with us, Madame Dahn turned her attention to the rest of the room, making sure everyone got her attention. 

She had an entourage made up of two beautiful Togruta boys with orange skin and white markings. They were in tight pants and flashy make-up. There was a wispy blonde girl with them who looked bored with the world. They trailed her through the room. 

We were served more wine and people made their way over to pay their respects to Ymir. 

Eventually the singer was whisked off by her posse and servants came to usher us to our seats. 

***

The Kaminoan woman took us to a private box on the right hand side of the theatre. There were plush, red velvet chairs arranged. 

Attendants brought in a couple of bottles of fizzy alcohol, putting them on ice. 

I had been managing to ride my buzz for the past few hours, but it looked like I would be good and drunk before the evening was done. 

As we got settled in, I marvelled at the opera house. 

I had never been to a place like this. There had to be over a thousand people gathered here, all dressed in their best clothes and jewels. 

As the guests of Ymir and Ekene, we were just another part of the spectacle. 

Astrid was next to me, pointing out details about the space, how it was shaped for acoustics, what famous painter had made the murals on the walls, who designed the massive crystal chandelier. 

I linked her arm in mine and let her chatter away. 

Hux joined the two of us as we talked. 

“Madame Dahn was certainly something,” he said, leaning his forearms on the railing. 

“I thought she was marvelous,” Astrid said, “I grew up on her recordings. My mother and I used to sing along to her when I was little.”

The lights went down and the show started. I took a seat next to Astrid. Ekene and Ymir were at the front of the box. 

The play was all drama. Big sets, big costumes, big voices. I drank my wine and let it wash over me. 

I had gone to shows and plays on Artrix, but it wasn’t anything like this. I was used to people doing short performances singing, dancing, or telling jokes - things that would easily excite an audience. 

Next to me, Astrid was rapt with attention, hands in her lap, leaning forward. I was about to start nodding off in the warm darkness, filled with booze. 

Thankfully there was more to do than just watch people sing. 

People began to drop by our box. Ymir had them in to shake hands and exchange a word. 

Ekene brought me over and made sure Hux and Astrid were included. 

We stood around in the box talking and drinking, the performance happening behind us. 

I recognized this routine from my work with the gangs. The boss was in town so everyone was coming by to kiss the ring. 

I was introduced to military and corporate leaders, politicians, heirs, heiresses. I shook their hands, maintaining an aloof, distant expression while Ekene whispered in my ear. He gave me names and all the gossip. I learned who was sleeping with who, who was in debt, whose children were drunks and playboys. 

Ymir saw everyone who came by. 

I noticed Astrid trying not to be put out with the situation. She thought she was being invited to watch an opera, but everything was politics. 

During the final act, an attendant came up to our box with an elegant stage bouquet that had been used during the show. The singer had a note attached, signed to Astrid. 

***

When the opera let out, I had to focus to keep from stumbling as we returned to the shuttle. 

Hux and Astrid both had rosy cheeks. Ymir had his arm around Ekene’s waist . 

We yammered together on the flight back to the estate. All of us were drunk, but pretending we were maintaining composure. 

There were servants waiting for us when we got back and we split up, going back to our rooms. 

On the second staircase, I kicked off my heels and hitched up the bottom of my dress. Astrid did the same. 

We linked arms again, and I leaned over towards her as we traversed the hallways, “I’m so fucking drunk,” I loudly whispered into her ear. 

“Me too,” she giggled, clutching my hand. 

Tasha was ahead of us, walking primly, head tails wrapped in navy fabric, in a more comfortable style than when we first met.

When we returned to our hallway, I dismissed Tasha. Hopefully she was free to go to bed. She must have better things to do than walk our drunk asses through the house. 

Right in front of my door, Astrid took ahold of my face and kissed me fiercely, pushing me against the wall. 

I kissed her back, reaching for the knob behind me. The door opened and we fell inside. 

We helped each other out of our dresses, laughing as we fumbled with the zippers and fasteners. 

I was out of mine first and helped Astrid out of her skirts and tight sleeves. I left the dress crumpled on the floor and began steering her towards the bed. 

“Siobhan! We have to hang them up. We’ll ruin them...” Astrid protested. 

I kissed her, giving her tongue a little nip, “We don’t have to do anything. Tasha would make you a new dress tomorrow if you asked her.”

Astrid sat down heavily on the bed and I began pulling her underwear down. She didn’t protest any more. 

The sex was sloppy and passionate. 

I left the lights on, drinking her in. I loved how pink her nipples were, the smooth curve of her low belly, her soft thighs and the red curls between her legs. 

My tongue ran between her lips, my fingers pressed inside of her, and I was rewarded with deep moans and bucking hips. 

Tonight she was rougher with me, I could feel her teeth on my neck, pulling at my nipples. 

We moved from the bed to the floor and through the room. At one point, I had her perched on the edge of the tub as I knelt between her legs, her thighs over my shoulders. 

I fell asleep with my arms curled around her, my head resting on her shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Let me know what you think in the comments!


	4. The Stardogs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Events are picking up for Siobhan. 
> 
> As she is trained by Ymir and Ekene, she learns more about the First Order's politics. 
> 
> She is given her first mission, hunting a rogue group of pirates in the Inner Rim.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have a lot happening over the next few chapters! I'm really excited to share them. 
> 
> We'll see what Siobhan does once she's back in familiar places. 
> 
> I haven't forgotten about Kylo Ren. He'll be returning to us in the next several chapters. 
> 
> Stay tuned!

**I**

The next day, I woke with only the beginnings of a hangover to keep me company. 

Slowly, I realized that I had woken up on my own for the first time since I had gotten here. The sun was up, its light streaming through the curtains. 

I remembered that Astrid was leaving today. She might already be gone. 

There was a little pang in my heart. 

I quickly moved out of bed and pulled on a robe, striding across the hall to Astrid’s door. When I knocked, a servant answered. 

“It’s me!” I announced, calling out over the servant’s shoulder.

“Come on in,” Astrid said. 

Astrid was at her table eating breakfast in her uniform. She had showered, her hair was clean and her skin was fresh. 

“Just wake up?” she said, taking a bite. 

I thought about how I looked. Whatever make-up had survived from the night before was still on my face, my robe was half open, and my hair was messy.

“Yeah,” I said sinking into the chair. 

“Madam Zhang, can I bring you anything to eat?” the servant asked. 

“I haven’t gotten that far yet,” I said. 

Astrid was digging around in a bag at her feet. 

She passed me a green pill, “That’ll help with the hangover,” she said, and handed me her glass of water. 

“Thanks.” I looked around the room. The servant was just closing the lid on the military crate. “Ready to ship out?” 

“As ready as I’m going to be,” Astrid said, “The servants wouldn’t even let me pack my things.”

He put the kit bag on top and stacked them on a dolly.

“If this keeps up, I might forget how to lace up my boots,” I said with a grin, picking a slice of fruit from the tray in front of her.

The servant left the room with her things. 

Astrid paused, looking at me seriously. 

“I’ve never done anything like this before,” Astrid said, her brow furrowed with concern. 

“I’m glad that you did,” I said, putting my hand over hers. 

Her expression was stiff.

“I’m not going to say anything,” I assured her, “To anyone.”

She had two people to worry about. I could only imagine how Ren would react if he found out. 

“I didn’t think you would,” she said hurriedly, “But reputation is everything, and with the promotion…”

“I understand,” I said, meeting her wide blue eyes. 

Some people knew how to kiss and say goodbye. But she hadn’t learned how to. Astrid had stepped out of her lane and was feeling nervous. 

“It was a lot of fun to go out last night,” she said, steering the conversation in a less awkward direction, “I can’t believe I met Madame Dahn. Wasn’t the performance wonderful?”

“You made it more fun,” I said. 

Astrid smiled, her cheeks turning pink. 

The servant had finished packing her things. 

I looked at the kit bag and military trunk and thought about Ren. He had given me the two swords and asked for Astrid to come along on this trip. I felt like I should do something to thank him. 

“When are you shipping out with Hux?” I asked. 

“In the next hour. I have a meeting with Lord Ymir in fifteen minutes.”

“I’m going to put something together for Ren. Would you take it with you?” I asked. 

“Of course,” she said. 

I stood up, “I’ll get that ready,” I said, and left the room. 

When I returned to my room, Tasha was there. A droid was setting the table for breakfast. 

“Good morning, Siobhan,” she greeted. 

“Hey,” I said, “I need you to track down something for me.” 

“Yes Madam. What can I do for you?” Tasha asked. 

“When we came back from Korriban, Ymir had a crate with rancor horns. I want to send one to the Finalizer as a gift. Could you track that down and bring a box for me to put it in? And a grease pen.” I said, “They’re leaving in the next hour, so hopefully that’s enough time.”

“Yes madam,” Tasha said with a short bow, and left the room. 

It was so incredible that I could just ask for whatever popped into my mind, but the constant formality was starting to drag. 

I ate my breakfast and hopped in the shower. The pill Astrid gave me was working its magic. My head was clear. I didn’t feel run-down anymore.

When I returned to the bedroom, Tasha had a polished, wooden box waiting for me on the table. Inside was one of the smaller rancor horns, resting on a black cushion. 

“Can I ask what that’s from?” Tasha said, looking at the twisted black and purple bone, half a meter long. 

“It’s from a breed of rancor they have on Korriban,” I answered, picking up the grease pen. 

In white letters I wrote: Thanks for the swords. SZ 

I closed the box, sliding the lid forward until it clicked. 

***

We moved downstairs. Astrid and Hux’s shuttle was on the landing pad next to the main house. 

Ymir was outside, giving them an official send-off. 

“Lin,” Ymir greeted. 

Hux looked over at me. I did not look the same as yesterday; I had on my training clothes, a dark pullover and leggings, and my hair was still wet and loose around my shoulders. 

“This is for Ren,” I said, passing the wooden box to Astrid.

I gave her a hug, wanting to give her a kiss, “Thanks for everything.”

She squeezed me back and kissed both cheeks, “Stay out of trouble,” she said. 

I was left grinning as she started up the ramp. 

Hux was still there, clearly wanting some attention from me. I offered him my hand, which he shook firmly. 

“Congratulations on the appointment,” I said, “I’m sure I’ll see you on the Finalizer.”

“Yes Madam Siniang,” he said, “To the First Order!”

“To the First Order,” I said, trying not to groan. 

When the two of them were aboard the shuttle, Ymir led me back to the house. 

“What was in the box?” Ymir asked as we walked. 

“I figured I’d give Ren one of the rancor horns as a thank you. He gave me the swords and put Astrid on the assignment,” I said. 

“She told you about that?” Ymir said. 

“Was I not supposed to know?” I replied. 

“It doesn’t matter now, but I hadn’t planned to tell you,” he said. 

I heard the engines behind us as the shuttle took Astrid and Hux to the Finalizer. 

The house already felt different without her.

**II**

Ymir took me to his office. After our night out, Ymir was less formal than usual. 

He was wearing his utility clothes. In the office, he took off his half cloak and jacket, draping them over the back of the sofa. 

“You did well yesterday,” he said, “The word is out that I have a new apprentice, and now there are more people talking about you.”

“I liked the singer. She comes on strong.”

“That she does,” Ymir agreed with a knowing smile. 

I filed that away. 

“I’m figuring out your first assignment,” he continued, “There is a council meeting fast approaching and I want you to have a real mission under your belt before then.”

Ymir languidly _summoned_ his tablet to his hand from the table. 

“I want to learn more of the specifics of your criminal affiliations and experience.”

“So formal,” I teased. 

Ymir pressed his lips together, “As we begin construction on Starkiller Base, the cartels and smuggling outfits are our biggest threat, after the New Republic and the Resistance,” he said, “We will be taking great pains to ensure the secrecy of her construction. The first stage of the project is the riskiest. We’ll be transporting raw materials, equipment, and our new recruits.”

“Someone will notice if there’s a lot of hyperspace traffic to the uncharted regions all of a sudden,” I said. 

“Exactly,” Ymir said, “How do you think we’ll get around that issue?”

“The ships will take an indirect route, using multiple jumps. I’m assuming they’ll be scheduled to make them look random,” I said. 

Ymir was nodding. I was right. 

I continued, “But multiple jumps leaves you more open to piracy.”

“That’s what we’re working around,” Ymir said, “Our current strategy is reliant on intimidation and fear. If our ships are attacked, or we find evidence that people are being bribed, we strike back with as much firepower as we can, but it’s reactive.”

“All the smugglers and pirates care about is cash in hand,” I said, “The consequences don’t matter. All that matters is that the money keeps flowing.”

“Which is why we need a long-term solution,” Ymir said, and turned on his tablet, “I want to know about the groups you worked for before you joined the Resistance.”

I had to fight a smile - it was an adorable question. Joining the Resistance had not stopped me from doing smuggling jobs on the side. Vin Esso had nicknamed me Shore-Leave.

If Ymir didn’t know exactly what to ask, I wasn’t going to volunteer anything.

“I was with the Smuggler’s Alliance for a few years after I left the brothel. I was part of Cobalt Arc, under Tynne Precore,” I said. 

“And before that?” Ymir asked. 

I frowned and spat, earning a sharp look from Ymir, “I was with Jade Claw. I was fucking the boss. It didn’t end well.” He was a jealous, abusive man. When he tried to rough me up, I fought back, almost killing him. I had been forced to run away with nothing to my name. I didn’t know it would be the first of many times. 

“I want to know more about your connections with the Smuggler’s Alliance. They’re still close with the Resistance, correct?”

I felt like a rat, giving him the information he wanted. But as we spoke, it became clear that Ymir didn’t really know what he was talking about. He wasn’t asking the right questions. 

If he understood how the system worked, he definitely wouldn’t be ignoring my time at the brothel. Wealthy and powerful people moved through the establishment, and Jukhara knew something about everyone who mattered. She also did business with the Hutts, an invaluable connection to have. 

Since Ymir was asking basic questions, I only gave him the broad strokes. I talked about my old crews and the structure of the Smuggler’s Alliance. I told him about the transport jobs for drugs and weapons. 

When he was satisfied, he turned off the tablet and looked up at me. 

“This has been very helpful, Siobhan. As I receive updates from our fleet, I’ll have a mission put together for you soon.”

“I’m going to need a ship,” I said. 

“Of course,” Ymir said, climbing to his feet, “We’ll have one arranged for you.”

“Not a First Order ship,” I said, still planted firmly in my seat, “If you want me to do any kind of work in the underground, I need to have something that’s all mine, not something your people have refurbished or disguised. I need something that I’ve checked out personally, from top to bottom.”

Ymir was smiling and he held out his hand to me, “I’ll think about it.”

***

Days slipped past me. The house felt emptier without Astrid. 

Each morning I was woken up early to meditate. Afterwards I did physical training with some combination of Ekene and Ymir. Then I’d sit in on meetings before doing more combat training in the late afternoon. 

Ekene worked me hard. He had me running several times a day. He pushed me through challenging exercises. I could feel myself getting stronger. I was putting on weight, in muscle, regaining what I had lost on Korriban. This was probably the best I had ever looked. 

My connection with the Force was unwavering, even while deeply cloaked. I could hold concentration, following threads of energy across the Galaxy, keeping step with Ymir. 

A new world was opening up to me. I began to understand the power that extended beyond my body, beyond the planet I was on. I could follow a tendril of energy to its source. It was there for me to tug on. All I had to do was _reach_. 

It was in our afternoon meetings that Ymir showed me a practical use for this skill. 

One day, he gave me a briefing before starting a call to Prime Minister Zekk Tafo. 

Tasha made sure I was dressed up for these meetings. My hair was brushed and pulled back. I was in a dark colored, high necked tunic, and Ymir was dressed in robes instead of his utility clothes.

Zekk had promised to declare allegiance to the First Order at a New Republic Council meeting, but there were signs he might be preparing to back out of the deal. The Prime Minister had been seen meeting with several important leaders, and had received large donations from them. His security team had been growing over the past cycle. 

“So you think he’s going to run?” I asked, sitting in the chair next to Ymir, behind his large desk. 

“My sense is that he’s trying to play both sides. His contact with other New Republic officials could be a simple cash grab. He can pocket the money and they won’t be able to do anything after he defects,” Ymir said, “But I need to keep the New Republic distracted. If they are navigating a public defection, they’ll be stretched thin. I’m not willing to wait another cycle for him to act.”

He turned to his desk and began to set up his comms. 

His array would make any smuggler jealous. He could transmit along hundreds of channels, all with different signatures. He had several lines that registered as New Republic. 

For this call, his lines were set up as a corporate office on Coruscant, nothing unusual for the Prime Minister. Ymir added another layer of security, ensuring the conversation couldn’t be recorded by anyone on the receiving end. 

After a few more keystrokes, the Prime Minister’s face came up on the holo display. 

“Greetings,” Ymir began, his expression open and friendly. 

The politician was a handsome man. His hair was coiffed in short waves that framed his face. He had on fine, layered robes. 

He put on a practiced smile for us. One that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Greetings,” he said, “To what do I owe the honor?” he glanced between the two of us. 

“I’d like to introduce my acolyte, Lin Siniang,” Ymir said. 

“Madam,” the Prime Minister bobbed his head. 

“I was calling to talk with you before the Council meeting tomorrow,” Ymir continued, “I’ve heard you’ve been in back-to-back meetings these past few weeks.”

Ymir’s voice was warm, his broad face was open. 

The Prime Minister pressed his lips together, “It has been very busy. As you know, I’m active on many committees.”

He was dodging. 

“Do you have everything prepared for your announcement tomorrow?” Ymir asked, his tone was still friendly.

The politician hesitated for just a moment, but he quickly began to talk, “...I feel there could be a more opportune time to announce my allegiance to the First Order…”

“When would that be?” Ymir asked, not skipping a beat. 

I watched the Prime Minister’s face go ashen. 

I began to extend my awareness towards him. My energy was moving, _reaching_ for him. I could _feel_ him, his heart speeding up, the fear gumming up his mind. 

“Well…” he began to stammer, and Ymir cut him off. 

“You’ll remember that I’m fulfilling the commitment we agreed to. We have a Star Destroyer with eight thousand troops currently posted on your trade routes. I can have those soldiers removed, or they can be turned against you on my orders.”

“Please, Lord Ymir, I am very aware of that, but…”

Now Ymir’s face had grown cold, “This isn’t the time for exceptions, Prime Minister.”

I felt Ymir _reach_ for the politician. I _felt_ his throat seize up, while I watched it happen over the screen. I heard the rattle as he found he couldn’t take in air. 

“Zekk, this is a life or death decision,” Ymir said, speaking calmly.“I expect you to fulfill your agreement and declare your allegiance to the First Order tomorrow. If you can promise me that, we can forget this moment ever happened.”

I felt Ymir relax his control of the man’s throat, just enough for him to pull in a thin stream of air. I remembered the animal terror I had experienced when Ren had interrogated me - that frantic, helpless feeling, knowing that someone could close off my airway and I couldn’t do anything about it. 

The Prime Minister heaved in a breath, his hand rubbing his throat, “I’ll announce my allegiance to the First Order as planned.” he said. 

“Good,” Ymir said, returning to his nonchalant attitude, “I’ll be waiting to hear confirmation from the news feeds and my other supporters in the Senate tomorrow.”

Ymir shut off the call without waiting for a response. 

He turned to me, clapping his hands on his thighs, “Now, what did you see?”

I made a wry smile, “I don’t know why you didn’t just kill him. An agreement made under that kind of pressure isn’t going to last.”

It was what Ymir had talked about on the call with Ren a few weeks ago. 

“That’s right,” Ymir said, a mean glint in his brown eyes, “He’s already a dead man. I have someone more loyal coming up through the ranks to replace him.”

**III**

Another week passed with the regular ebb and flow of meditation and physical training. 

My health was almost back to normal. I didn’t need the inhaler any more. I was gaining weight. But, although my body became more healthy, my mind stayed the same. 

Every few days I had dreams about Korriban. I was waking up in the middle of the night, my heart racing, drenched in sweat. There was always some new danger. I dreamed that I died of dehydration, pumping an empty well. I dreamed about fighting a pack of tu’kata. I felt their teeth rip my flesh apart. 

Tasha knew about the nightmares. She saw me on the mornings I didn’t sleep through the night. She was there when I jolted out of bed - the frantic seconds before I remembered where I was. She never reacted or tried to give me advice. I wasn’t sure if she had seen someone acting like this before. 

We were growing closer. She was with me for hours every day. 

As we spent time together, Tasha began to open up. She was from one of the big cities on Serreno. Her family was well off. She was able to go to school. She travelled and worked as an au pair. One of her family friends was close with Bergen, the head butler, who helped get her this job. She had worked here for over five years. 

Under her care, I was looking better than I ever had before. My hair was shiny. My skin was glowing. She shaped my eyebrows and my nails. 

She made a wardrobe for me. 

I had my military-grade clothes for training: pants, leggings, shirts, jackets, and boots. But now my closet also contained sets of formal robes, gowns, and outfits that I assumed for daily use. They were far nicer than anything I had ever owned. Along with the clothes came shoes, jewelry, and even lingerie. From the outside, no one would ever know I had been poor. 

Tasha also walked me through how my money would be handled. 

For the first time in my life, I was paid through an account instead of in cash. Over an afternoon, she showed me how to access the system. The money was in an account through an official bank. I’d have a keycard to use for purchases and transfers. I had never used any of that stuff before. The only time I had even seen money transfers were for our biggest clients at The Outpost, or really big deals for the major cartels. 

All of it was clearly First Order, which I did not like. Through the account, Ymir would obviously be able to keep an eye on my money. 

I brought it up with Ymir during one of our afternoon meetings. 

“Tasha was showing me how the accounts work. Could you just pay me in actual money?”

“Why can’t you use your account?” Ymir asked, an eyebrow raising with skepticism. 

“You said you wanted me to work as your dark horse…” I replied, ready for the pushback, “I can’t just go around with a keycard that’s attached to a First Order account. You people are the only ones that use money like that. No one else does.”

He made a smug little smile at my response. “I’m not going to pay you under the table, but I was planning to have shell accounts specifically made for you to use on assignment.”

“That’s great, but how do you expect me to turn it into real money?” I said, making my case, “You said you wanted me to be clearing out smugglers for you. I’m not going to stop by a bank before a job.”

Ymir was silent for several moments, considering what I had said. He really didn’t know how things worked for people outside his bubble. 

“I see your point,” he finally replied, “But I expect you to be more respectful as we discuss logistics. I’m planning to put you out on an assignment shortly. I’d like to discuss your ship.”

I made a little nod. 

“I’ve put some thought into what you said about having a ship completely unaffiliated with the First Order. It’s a wise decision. To that end, I’ve put a thousand credits into your account.”

I couldn’t believe it. A thousand fucking credits. I don’t think I had ever had that much money at one time. It took effort to keep my jaw off the floor. 

“Tasha can secure physical currency. You can leave tomorrow,” Ymir continued, “I’ve arranged an appropriate shuttle and a service droid for a pilot.”

My mind was kicking into gear. I would be out in the Galaxy for the first time since this all started. I thought about Vin Esso and Ahobri. 

“Where would you go to buy a ship?” he asked. 

“I would go to the Outer Rim,” I said, “I don’t want to go anywhere I could be recognized, so probably Feriae Junction or Garban.”

Ymir nodded, “I expect you to use good judgement on this trip. You will be on security watch. When you return, I’ll be able to give you your first mission.”

“And here I was thinking that you trusted me,” I said with a toothy grin. 

“We’re discussing your ship and an assignment, don’t push me,” he replied, “Use the rest of the afternoon to put together the specifics. I’d like you to provide me with a realistic timeframe, accounting for hyperspace. You can leave after our meditation tomorrow morning.”

“Sure thing, boss.”

***

I had a thousand credits in my account. An unbelievable amount of money. 

I could get something new. Something flashy. 

There was temptation, though. I’d have a shuttle and a service droid. I’d be out in the real world with a huge amount of cash. 

This was a risky move for Ymir. He couldn’t track my aura. I could just disappear. I was leaving with a lot of money in my pocket and information about the First Order's next superweapon.

Maybe I shouldn’t have given him a hard time about not trusting me. Even if he had me on security watch, there were options for disappearing. But what would I gain if I ran off?

I called Tasha up on the console, “I was wondering if you could track down some currency for me,” I said, lounging on my bed. 

“What did you have in mind madam?”

I rattled off several different currencies and the denominations I wanted, “Let me know if you’re running into any snags. I’ll be fine as long as I have five or six different kinds of cash. You can pull the credits from my account. I’d like to have them by tomorrow afternoon.”

“Of course, madam,” Tasha said. 

She was a miracle worker. 

I had a kit bag with everything I needed before I went to sleep. 

***

The next day, Tasha finished packing for me while I was in meditation. The clothes were generic, utility pants and shirts. She tracked down unmarked weapons and locking canisters for my lightsabers. 

As soon as we ended our practice, I was ready to go. 

I told Ymir I’d need two days to decide on a ship, with an additional two days for hyperspace travel. 

The shuttle and the droid concerned me. I was worried about showing up in the Outer Rim in a First Order ship with a military service droid. 

Thankfully the ship had multiple signatures. It would read as a private ship from Cantros 7, part of the New Republic. It was still a nice ship, and that would make it suspicious. But I had my old speeder, the same one I used on Korriban. It was scuffed and dinged up - that was the image I needed to have. 

The droid was also registered to to a New Republic owner. If it wound up in the wrong hands it couldn’t be traced back to Ymir or the First Order. 

For communication, I was given a chip with my official military signature that I could plug into a console. That would stay tucked away with my lightsabers.

I told Ymir that I would be putting some distance between myself and the shuttle. He agreed with the plan as long as I contacted him after I purchased the ship. I’d need to have my security clearance squared away to return to Kotrea. 

With my plans approved, I was free to leave. 

I joined the droid in the shuttle cockpit. It piloted me off the moon and set coordinates for Garban. 

I was out from under Ymir’s thumb. I was away from the First Order, with twenty hours in hyperspace ahead of me. 

I couldn’t avoid scheming. 

A ship meant freedom. 

I thought about contacting Ahobri once I got a ship. I missed her so much. It was tempting to contact Vin.

When Ymir had questioned me about my old affiliations he had revealed a weakness. He might know a lot, but he didn’t have experience with the underground. It made me valuable to him. I had a skill that no one else had - one that Kylo Ren definitely didn’t have. And that gave me power.

The First Order wanted to build another Death Star. I remembered that Ymir’s family had been involved in the creation of the first one, so many years ago - his family had been responsible for helping destroy Alderaan. The Empire had managed to snuff out an entire planet in one shot. 

Now they were building a weapon that could destroy an entire star system. 

I thought about Raj and Juall Corp, being courted by the First Order for their engineers. 

When I had a ship of my own I could contact Vin, give him the message to pass along. Shit, I could fly out to D’Qar myself and warn the Resistance.

But where would that get me?

Under Ymir, I had money. I had servants. I was about to be sent out into the Galaxy with power and status. Did I really want to give all that up?

***

The droid woke me with an alert that we were five minutes from exiting hyperspace. 

Time to get ready. 

I went through my kit bag, stuffed with currency. It was a dangerous way to travel. 

I dressed in my utility clothes. My lightsabers were tucked away in sealed canisters on my belt. I secured a short-range blaster on my thigh and a long-range blaster around my back. 

With the outfit, weapons, and speeder, I’d look like a bounty hunter. I’d be unremarkable, paying cash for a ship from an Outer Rim dealer. 

I joined the droid in the cockpit as we made our descent towards the planet. 

Garban was forested and mountainous, with plenty of places to hide. 

I directed the droid to land fifty kilometers outside the main town. It would mean a long time on the speeder, but I didn’t want anyone to see me arrive in the shuttle. 

I recorded a message to Ymir confirming I had arrived. 

***

When I pulled into town, I cruised around for a little while to get my bearings. 

Jaaga was big for an Outer Rim city, with about thirty thousand souls. The streets were paved and full of traffic, there was garbage collection. Some buildings had more than eight stories. 

I made a stop for beer and food, exchanging idle conversation with the locals at the bar. I wanted to ask them about tips for buying a ship in the city, but those kinds of questions attracted attention and would let them know I had money and wasn’t familiar with the area. 

It gave me a little thrill to have a secret. What would these people think if they knew the girl in baggy pants with a scar on her face was working directly under Lord Ymir? 

On the way out of the bar, I bought a jug of beer and a bag of crispy moco, my favorite snack for long trips in hyperspace. 

I found that there were three main lots for buying ships, all scattered at the edges of town. 

The first was a bust. It was owned by a large, fat Gran who sounded like he had been drinking since he woke up. He didn’t know his inventory and couldn’t pull records on the ships in his yard. 

I didn’t want to risk buying a ship that was stolen, or associated with anyone who had a bounty out on them. 

The next shop was more promising; the owner was sober, and knew the ships he had, but it was all junk. Everything I was interested in would need a major overhaul to make it off the lot. The owner tried to sell me on doing the repairs himself at a discount, but I wasn’t going to waste my time on that. 

The final shop was the jackpot. I arrived just as the two suns began dipping below the horizon. I was the only one on the lot at the end of the day. 

It was run by an old, grizzled Dug with runny eyes and wrinkled hands. His nails were yellowed and cracked. 

As he walked me through the lot, he didn’t stop talking, keeping up a gravelly drone. He spat out numbers and details. He knew everything about his ships and was able to show me the ownership records. His style of salesmanship was to give me a barrage of information, to throw me off my game by not giving me time to think. 

I liked him.

I examined the ships in silence, taking the time I needed, not allowing him to rush me. 

There was a flashy model with a good engine, but it was only big enough for one person. There wasn’t enough space for me to make hidey holes if I needed to smuggle anything. 

Next was a patchwork thing that had clearly been cobbled together from three or four other ships. In its current formation, it would be untraceable. There were panels in the ceilings and walls that I could make use of, but it wouldn’t be easy to repair. 

I almost settled on a clunker, a practical beast with room for four and a large cargo bay. It would be reliable and was set at a fair price, but I just couldn’t bring myself to get a ship without charisma. 

Then I came across a sporty red number. 

Her paint was faded, and completely worn away in spots. She was an older model, but had been lovingly maintained. The Dug knew the owner, a local scrapper that had fallen on hard times. 

The seats in the cockpit were indented and worn from years of use, there were patches at the seams. The weapons systems and shields were basic - there was a small laser cannon in the nose and two small guns on the wings. It was just enough firepower for someone who lived in the Outer Rim. I found hollows in the walls and floorboards that must have been used to store the more valuable cargo. 

The floors and walls were scuffed, but they were clean. It had two cabins, and a cargo bay that doubled as a workshop. The kitchen was just a counter with a heating and cooling cabinet. One small, round table was tucked into the entrance of the cargo bay. 

Unfortunately, it looked like wiring wasn’t the scrapper’s specialty. That would need some maintenance. I might need to replace it. I thought about what I needed to do to install my own private comms. 

My guess was that Ymir would have his mechanics do a thorough check of any ship I got. It wouldn’t surprise me if he tried to install a tracker on her. 

The bad wiring job gave me some wiggle room. I’d be able to make improvements and additions without drawing too much attention. 

“What’s the price on this bird?” I asked, after doing a thorough check. 

“Six-fifty,” the Dug said. 

It was nighttime now. He wanted to make one last sale on the day. 

“Nice try,” I said with good humor, “She’s more than ten years old, and I’m going to have to replace most of her wiring. Three hundred for it.”

The Dug twirled one of the fleshy whiskers at the side of his mouth, “I’m about to close up shop, and you still won’t have a ship. I’ll take five hundred.”

“Your own records show this one has been on your lot for two cycles already,” I said, “For three-fifty I’ll take it off your hands.”

It took two more rounds to talk him down on the price, but eventually he met me at four hundred credits. 

I paid him in a range of different currencies and we ended with a handshake. I loaded the speeder and started warming up the engines. 

My ship. 

There was a big, dumb grin on my face as I took her through the atmosphere and out into open space. 

In relative safety, I took out my comms chip and made two calls. The first was to the service droid, confirming my location and the specs on the ship. 

The next was to Ymir. 

I didn’t expect him to answer, but his face showed up crackling and blue on the small holoprojector. 

“That was fast,” he said. 

“I know what I like,” I replied, “I just contacted the droid. I’ll be back in twenty hours.”

“See you then. You’ll be cleared on arrival.” 

I ended the call and started scrolling through the console for music. 

This was definitely a scrapper’s ship. He had a huge collection of ballads and folksy music. I had grown up on the stuff and listened to my fair share when I was smuggling. 

I turned up the music and finished my hyperspace calculations. 

This wasn’t one of Ymir’s fancy ships. I had to do everything myself, including adding fuel to the hyperdrive. 

As I pushed on the lever, the stars stretched out in front of me and I was away. 

***

I had a little one-person party on the way back. 

It was the perfect opportunity to get fully acquainted with the ship. With the music blaring and a jug of beer in my hand, I examined her from nose to tail. 

I discovered more spaces for hiding things, and began to divvy up the cash I had, sealing bundles of currency away. There were spots in the ceiling of both bathing closets. 

All the floor panels in the cargo bay were sealed with a locking program, but they could potentially be removed. The console required a passcode, and I spent an hour reprogramming the thing to unlock the panels.

Next, I examined the engine specs. They weren’t powerful. I wasn’t going to be winning any dogfights in her. I could get new engines installed and improve the weapons and shields without too much trouble. 

**IV**

I returned to Ymir’s moon without getting hassled by security. The droid I contacted gave me instructions to use the landing pad next to the main house. 

It was that awful time between late night and early morning. Ymir and Ekene would be doing morning meditation in a couple of hours. 

Tasha greeted me on the landing pad. 

“Ymir and Ekene are sticking to their normal schedule right?” I said, yawning widely.

“Yes, Madam Zhang.”

“Could you get me some caffeine and food? I’ll just stay up and join them.”

***

I spent some time in the shower and ate a meal, but I was running on borrowed time. I nearly fell asleep in the meditation. 

Ekene gently nudged me in the ribs at the end, “Are you going to make it through training?” he teased. 

“Siobhan, how about you show me your ship,” Ymir said, “We can skip your morning training.”

“I’ll take it,” I replied. 

Ymir and I rode out to the hangar in a covered speeder. I was even more suspicious that he would install a tracker. 

“You had more than a thousand credits to work with…” he said with a confused and disappointed look on his face and his arms crossed over his chest.

“I’m naming her Rosie,” I said, unfazed by his response, “You said you wanted me to keep a low profile and do criminal networking. She’s perfect.”

Ymir looked at me, a wry twist to his mouth, “Well, no one is going to mistake this for a First Order vessel at least.”

A mechanic in a navy jumpsuit approached us. 

“What would you like us to do with the ship sir?”

“Whatever Siobhan says,” Ymir said dismissively. “Frankly, I’m embarrassed to have this in my hangar,” he said to me. 

I had made the right call. She looked like a bucket of bolts. No one was going to take this ship seriously.

“I’ll get back to you,” I told the mechanic, “I did a diagnostics check in the yard, and gave her a good once-over while I was hyperspace. I might want to upgrade the engines and weapons systems, but she’s alright for now.”

Ymir gave me a long look and shook his head before returning to the speeder.

*** 

The service droid returned us to the house.

“We should discuss your first assignment,” Ymir said.

Yes! It was about time. 

“Prime Minister Tafo has been succeeded by Cade Gaulfarr. As they are officially members of the First Order, we have stepped in to protect their trade routes. We’ve cleared out the Hutts and Black Sun through firepower alone, but another group has risen up in their wake.”

It was a power vacuum. If the Hutts and Black Sun had been pushed back, it made room for the little guys. 

“Who are they?” I asked. 

“Their leader is named Jakkar Rosh. They call themselves the Stardogs.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re making fun of me,” I said, “It’s clean-up duty.” 

“I wish I was,” Ymir replied, “They’ve demonstrated themselves to be more clever than we expected. They’re cloaking their ships as legitimate transport vessels. Our leadership hasn’t been able to track them down.”

They must have a codebreaker in their crew. 

“So you want me to get rid of them for you?” I said. 

“I would. I have a file on them for you.”

It was a bounty hunter job. This was not the kind of assignment he’d be sending Ren on. But this would get me off the property and into open space, so I wasn’t going to complain. 

***

In Ymir’s office, we reviewed the file together. 

The Stardogs had caught the attention of the First Order after making off with a fuel shipment - hundreds of thousands of credits worth, disappeared without a trace. They hadn’t been able to find the buyers, either. 

The report was patchy. Thankfully, I knew the star system they were active in. A plan began to form while we talked

We had information on some of the crew, the ones who had some kind of record. There were at least ten members they knew about. I assumed the crew was twice that size. 

Jakkar’s mugshot was in the file. He was a human male, and looked to be around my age. In the picture he had a black eye and messy hair, dyed platinum blonde. His chin jutted out - attitude for days. 

He was a hotshot, trying to make a name for himself. 

“Gods, I’ve fucked more guys like this than I can count,” I muttered as I skimmed the report on him, “Do they really call themselves the Stardogs?”

Ymir was arching an eyebrow, “How do you plan to track them down?”

“I’m familiar with that star system,” I said, “There’s a local watering hole I know about, Grimjack’s. I’ll start there.”

If they were doing jobs in that system I could almost guarantee one of their crew would show up. It was just a matter of when. 

“Do you expect to encounter anyone you know?” Ymir asked. 

I shrugged, “I haven’t been out that way for six or seven years,” I said, “I definitely won’t run into anyone from the Resistance.”

“If you meet anyone you know, what are you going to tell them?” Ymir asked. 

“That I’m freelancing,” I said easily, “I burned a bridge with the Smuggler’s Alliance when I joined the Resistance.”

Ymir was eyeing me carefully. He didn’t understand that no one would be surprised when I showed up in that bar. 

Everyone in Ymir’s world had a path. Hux had his important family, and was being sent up the ranks of the First Order right on schedule. Ren was at the helm of the Finalizer, the leadership being rearranged so he wouldn’t have a challenge to his authority. 

It wasn’t the same reality for most people that lived in the Galaxy. We showed up and we disappeared. People joined and left crews. People went into hiding to escape debts or bounties. 

“Once you’ve found them, how do you plan to remove them?” Ymir asked. 

“I figure if I can make contact at the bar, I’ll get a tracker on a ship and follow them back to their base. Easy,” I said. 

“I appreciate your confidence.”

“When I catch them, what do you want me to do? Do you want them to know I’m First Order?” I asked. 

“I’m glad you’re thinking that way,” Ymir said, “I would prefer the name Siobhan Zhang isn’t used at any point on this mission. It leaves you with some freedom to utilize your old connections if you need to. I like the idea of the underground knowing that there is another Sith working for the First Order.”

“You want me to give ‘em a good scare?” I leered. 

“I do,” Ymir said with a smile, “I’d prefer us not to be in this reactive place with smugglers and pirates.”

“So when do you want me to start?” I asked. 

“When will you be ready?”

“I can ship out first thing tomorrow.” 

“And how long do you think it will take?” 

“Three days, plus some travel time.”I knew I could do it in two, but the buffer gave me some leeway in case an opportunity presented itself. 

“Commander Dornan on the Vanquisher will be in charge of the operation. They’ll take any prisoners that might result, and can be used as back-up if you need it. You can start making preparations this afternoon. We’ll reach out to him before you begin the assignment.”

***

I had been falling asleep in meditation, but now I was wide awake with anticipation. 

This was what I wanted. I was going to be a free agent with my own ship, and money in my pocket. I’d be knocking over a group of upstart pirates. 

This job wouldn’t have been a challenge before my training. Now, with my connection to the Force and two lightsabers on my belt, it would be a picnic. 

I spent that afternoon packing and preparing, one corner of my mind working on a plan to take out the Stardogs. 

With servants waiting on me hand and foot, everything came together quickly. I’d be spending more time interacting with people and traveling, so I made sure that nothing could be sniffed out as First Order. I hated that all my supplies were coming through Ymir’s staff. 

Another kit bag was prepared for me, packed with utility clothes and outfits that wouldn’t raise eyebrows. I had Tasha pack a few bottles of liquor - they could be useful for bribes, and, if I didn’t use them on the mission, I could drink them on the return trip through hyperspace.

I packed a crate with weapons. My blasters went in. I put together a collection of smoke and flash grenades, and a bandolier to hold them. 

I had access to any kind of tracking systems I wanted. They had a couple of different models, and a remote that could work with all of them. 

For fun, I uploaded music and games onto the ship’s computer. Spending hours in hyperspace with nothing to do was its own special kind of hell. 

Ekene dropped in as I was organizing everything in the cargo bay. 

“Ymir told me about the ship. I had to come see her for myself,” he said, strolling up the ramp.

I made a toothy grin, “She’s named Rosie. I’ll give you the grand tour.”

Ekene ran a finger across the workbench, making a path in the dust, “That’s fine,” he said, “Do you feel prepared for the mission?”

“It’s nothing,” I said, closing the lid of my weapons crate, “I’ve had much harder jobs with fewer supplies.”

I walked him through the ship. The two cabins were dimly lit and shared a wall, but each had a cramped bathing closet. At the front was the cockpit with two seats, patched and worn smooth from use. Most of this ship was taken up by the cargo bay, with a small nook for a kitchen. 

Afterwards, the two of us did some training. Ekene took me out on a run before sparring in the gym. We practiced deflecting blaster fire with my lightsabers. The first few times we had trained on that skill, it felt like showing off, but now it seemed much more practical. 

I couldn’t imagine how I would pull off this mission without a firefight, so I took the practice seriously. From a deep place of concentration and focus, I tuned into Ekene, his intentions, the movement of his finger on the trigger and the path of the plasma bolt. 

The experience was a reminder of hunting shyracks. The movement of objects were connected, and all I had to do was observe the thread of energy to know how to react. 

**V**

The next day, I was up before Tasha came in. 

After our morning meditations Ekene and I went on a long, brutal run together. 

This was my last opportunity for real exercise. I would have six hours in hyperspace before hanging around a scummy bar, trying to make a connection with some pirates. At the bar, I’d have hours of sitting around, most likely drinking heavily the whole time. 

Ymir joined me aboard Rosie in the hangar to contact the commander of the Star Destroyer. 

The man appeared in the holo projection. He was balding and round, with a couple of chins spilling over his stiff collar. 

“Lord Ymir,” he greeted. 

“Commander Dornan, this is my acolyte, Lin Siniang. She’s about to begin her mission against the pirates in your sector.”

“How can we be of service?” he asked. 

“I expect this to be an in-and-out job,” I said easily, “I should be able to wrap them up in a bow for you. I’ll call when I’m done.”

Ymir was not pleased with my relaxed attitude, “Lin will contact you if she needs any support on the mission. We’ll send you the information on her ship. Keep it on file so there isn’t any confusion.”

“Yes, Lord Ymir,” the commander said with a salute. 

Ymir ended the call for me. 

“Siobhan, you are a Sith, and you represent me directly,” he scolded, “I need you to conduct yourself professionally, especially as you interact with our leadership.”

“Sure thing, boss,” I said, fighting a scowl. 

Ymir put a hand on my shoulder and gave me a purposeful look, letting a few moments of silence fall between us. 

He was trusting me to operate on my own. It was risky for him no matter what precautions he had taken, even if he had eyes and ears posted on me. Nothing was foolproof. I could still manage to slip away and cause trouble for him if I wanted to. 

This was the first time I would be on an assignment for the First Order. I could start making a name for myself. 

“Happy hunting Siobhan,” he said looking directly into my eyes. 

“Thanks,” I replied. 

When Ymir was gone, I threw my kit bag in the copilot’s chair and warmed up the engines while the mechanics opened the hangar door. With the First Order chip in my console, I was free to pass through the energy shield surrounding the moon. 

I cranked my music up. It was fast-paced rhythmic stuff from Affa. The singers kept a driving momentum to their songs. Bobbing my head, I worked out the hyperspace coordinates and pushed the lever forward, cruising into hyperspace. 

***

It was only six hours to Onderon.

I spent the time poking around Rosie’s insides, making mental notes for how I would install my private comms. I wanted to set the ship up with my own communication system and alternative signatures. 

Jakkar Rosh’s crew had the right strategy. Any smuggling outfit that wanted to pull off big jobs needed to have a few different signatures on their ships. It was good to have a generic transport signature and a New Republic signature. Guild signatures also came in handy, but they were harder to fake. 

As I dug through the inside of my ship, I kept my eyes peeled for a tracker or other bugs that Ymir’s mechanics might have installed. I pulled out the remote I planned to use for my own set of trackers and played with the channels, walking around to see if it detected anything. 

I hadn’t found anything by the end of the trip, but I didn’t trust Ymir enough to feel relieved. It just made me feel that I had missed something. I was tempted to take her apart screw by screw just to be sure. I wanted to run a debugging program through the console. 

If Ymir was tracking me, I wouldn’t be free to meet with Vin or Ahobri. 

***

When I left hyperspace, I was greeted by the familiar hubbub of life in the Inner Rim. 

I removed the First Order chip from my console and tucked it away into one of the locked containers that held my lightsabers. I turned my music down and set the comms to the local frequency to help me navigate traffic. Rosie had her original signature from Garban. She wouldn’t catch anyone’s attention.

I’d be posing as a freelancer, fresh off a transport job with some money to spend. My ship, clothes, and weapons all fit the bill. 

Onderon was a jungle planet. The air was misty and humid. Tall, brilliantly-green trees covered almost every square centimeter of the surface. It was a place that was better navigated by ships and speeders. The roads were constantly under construction. Anything on the ground had to fight against the swampy earth, fast growing vines, and other plant life. 

Grimjack’s was built into the trees. It was a bar for smugglers and bounty hunters. There was a large Hutt presence too, run by the Gozz branch of the family. Here we were a few kilometers out of town, free to do what we wanted. 

The parking situation was interesting. There was a muddy lot beneath the building and arrays built up into the surrounding trees. 

I made the decision to take her underneath. I expected to be here for at least a day or two. I’d probably wind up taking a nap on the ship, so I preferred that she be tucked away. 

I made one last check of my belongings. My currency was scattered across my person. Between my jacket, pants, and bandolier, I had a collection of flan, peggats, wupiupi, and precious metal ingots, along with trackers and my remote.

When I was certain nothing could identify me as First Order, I departed, joining the throngs of drunks and criminals in the bar. 

My people. 

***

Grimjack’s was loud and filled with all kinds of species. I felt an instant wave of relief as I moved through the crowd, pushing past furry shoulders and scaly elbows. There were species a meter taller than me, and others that didn’t even come up to my waist. Dozens of languages swirled around me.

The bar was a sprawling place with many different floors and rooms. 

I squeezed over to the first counter I could find and ordered a shot and a beer. 

Beer in hand, I made a slow circuit of the establishment. My boots traced across the sticky, uneven floorboards. Every level was crowded and poorly lit. Smoke from loosies and water pipes hung in the air. There were tables for gambling, and cages for fights - droids, animals, or bare-knuckles. 

I made notes of where the Hutt people were camped out. The family gangsters had a lounge in the back for their kind, but there were tables scattered around with other made guys that didn’t slither. 

I began to remember the last time I was here. I was eighteen, working a smuggling job with a client. I had been loud, throwing money around, paying for people’s drinks, placing bad bets. 

Seven years later, my circumstances couldn’t be more different. With the scar on my face and my plain utility clothes, no one gave me a second look. I found myself enjoying the anonymity. 

After completing a full circuit of the bar and stopping for another shot and beer, I decided to settle in with a group of gamblers near the main entrance. They were playing a Tatooine variation of Klaberjass so I guessed they were all Hutts. This would be a good place to start. I would get to hear some gossip and I expected people would be dropping in to pay respects. 

The table was already full. I watched the players for a few hands, nursing my beer on the sidelines. 

There were three old-timers, a human male with a long, wispy goatee and a large birthmark on his temple, a one-armed Gamorrean with a wrinkled snout, and a gray-furred Talz wearing a patchy tunic and suspenders. The other table occupants looked like guild smugglers. 

The Ardennian at the table stood out as the obvious sucker. He had a short temper, which the rest of the players took advantage of. He kept a mug of beer in one of his arms, and got angrier as he drank. As he drank, he became more reckless, and he began to lose big hands, one after another. 

When he was out, he unleashed a round of curses in seven different languages. He beat his four fists on the table, beer sloshing from the mug. As he left, the crowd parted to let him pass. 

I moved into his seat, putting a mix of currency on the table and wiping the spilled beer away with my hand. 

“Y’all got room for one more?” I drawled. 

The Gamorrean started to deal me in. 

“You’re an improvement on Deska. House rules are Farmer’s Hand. Know it?” the man with the birthmark asked me. 

“Yeah, I’ve played that a few times,” I said. 

That would let them know I had some familiarity with the Hutts.

I settled into the table, starting out conservatively. I wanted to keep my seat and hopefully make some friends. 

After a few hands, I started to get curious. I extended my awareness through the group. I was cautious, not wanting to attract attention. 

Just as when I _reached_ out during sparring practice, I began to get a sense of the table and the cards. I found myself able to read who had a good hand, and how they were intending to play. 

It was too easy. 

I began to put myself in a good position, winning enough to be a challenge at the table, but not doing so well that they would think I was cheating. 

The men kept up a banter as they played. They talked about the cartel and gossiped about their associates. None of the information was interesting. They made fun of people who had fucked up jobs, who had gotten cheated, who had a payload stolen or lost a fight. 

I shared a little made-up story with them. My name was Mara, a freelancer from Artrix. I had just unloaded a few kilos of Spice, and was out here to blow off some steam before my next job. 

I bought a couple rounds for the table with my winnings. 

Eventually I needed to piss. I decided to take the opportunity to make another circuit and see if I could learn anything new. 

***

In the latrine a gaggle of three women were cutting out lines of Blue on a metal tray. 

“You want some?” a green haired Mirialan called out. 

She was wasted. Her eyes were smudged with dark shadow and her lips were painted bright pink. She could have been me in another life. 

The alcohol and hyperspace travel were catching up to me. I was tired, my head was swimming. Blue was my favorite stimulant. A few grams of this could keep me going for days.

“Yeah, y’all selling?” I asked, crouching around the metal tray. I put a coin down for the line - common courtesy. 

An ashen-skinned, red-eyed Togruta passed me a steel straw. I gently put it near my nose, not wanting to share too many fluids with this crowd. 

“One gram for twenty,” the green-haired girl said as I made a sharp sniff, powder going up my nose. 

“Oh come on. Where do you think I’m from?” I complained. That was easily double the usual price. 

The girl shrugged, “Okay, I’ll do a gram for ten,” she grumbled, and began to break out another line. 

I tasted the blue powder as it began to trickle down the back of my throat - astringent and numbing. The world sharpened into focus around me. 

A group of women came in, all in short skirts and heels. 

“Want a line of Blue?” the ashen Togruta called out. 

Two of the women came over. 

I paid for a couple grams and joined in for the second line. 

It was pure stuff. Colors became more clear, the sounds of the bar were sharp in my ears. 

My mind became laser-focused. I was on a mission. I was going to find the Stardogs. I could jump in my ship right now and go searching for them by sight…

There was a deeper shift happening in my awareness. I was picking up on emotions around me: drunken revelry, anger, frustration. I could feel the people coming here to make a deal, the people who were trying to hide, the people who were trying to cheat. All the sensations coursed through me, becoming confused with my physical senses. 

I needed air. 

Trying to move calmly, I left the latrine and made my way to the nearest door. 

Nighttime had fallen over the planet and it was blessedly dark outside. 

People were drinking, talking, and fondling each other on the outside terrace. 

I was feeling overheated and overwhelmed. I pulled off my jacket and leaned on a railing, catching my breath. 

The world was swirling around me, the internal connections of the Force were competing with my physical senses of sight, sound, and touch. 

I focused on my body, the feeling of air filling my lungs. My ribs expanding, my skin stretching. 

A couple of rounds of this brought me back to myself, and I was left with a heady combination of confidence and focus. 

I was on a mission. 

I pulled my jacket on and returned to the bar. 

***

Inside, I got another beer and made a slow circuit, listening in on conversations, extending my awareness through the space. 

I took a seat close to one of the many Hutt gambling tables. 

A tall, feathered Ayrak took the seat next to mine. She looked like a bounty hunter or mercenary with her cloak, armor, and multiple blasters. She was deep in her liquor and in the mood to talk. 

With a few lines of Blue singing in my mind, I didn’t have any trouble listening to her and paying attention to the room around me. 

She told me about her last job - a long, meandering story about an heir that had been wrapped up in a scheme to steal some valuable piece of art for Black Sun. He had gotten cold feet right before the job and bailed, leaving everyone on the heist in the lurch. She was paid to track down the heir and ‘communicate’ Black Sun’s displeasure. 

I nodded and commisserated, and she began to order drinks for me. After a few rounds, it felt like we were becoming friends. 

The night at Grimjack’s had peaked. It would be dawn in just a few hours and we would hit the daytime lull. I still didn’t have any intelligence on the Stardogs. 

I leaned towards her in a conspiratory way, “So, I’m a little new in town,” I said. 

The woman brought her head closer to mine, eyelids drooping. 

“I don’t have the best reputation with the Django Flyers,” I said, rattling off a gang that wasn’t well known, “Do they ever come through here?”

The woman made a slow beaky grin, “Nah girl, you’ll be fine in here,” she said, “We just have the Hutts, they’re a right bunch of assholes, but they’re fine.”

I made a showy sigh of relief, “That’s good. The Flyers promised to put a blaster shot in my skull if they ever see me again.”

The woman was cackling, “What did you do, girl?”

“Fucked the leader’s best mate,” I answered with a shrug and a roguish smile. She put her clawed hand on my knee, and gave me a sympathetic look. 

“I’m out here looking for work,” I said, “I want to find a new crew. Do you know who’s taking on more people?”

“The First Order has been squeezing us this past cycle,” she grimaced, “It’s making it harder for the crews. What can you do?”

“Transportation and checkpoints, most of the stuff in between,” I said, taking a large gulp of beer. 

“There’s plenty of those needing work,” she replied. 

I frowned and shook my head, “Well shit. I was hoping for a quick gig to get some fuel money and supplies before the next system…”

She paused in slow drunken thought, “Well...there’s one crew that still has work.” 

I raised my eyebrows. The woman leaned in, until her beak almost touched my nose, “You could try your luck with the Stardogs,” she said. 

Bingo. 

“What’s their deal?” I asked. 

She laughed loudly, some spit landing on my cheek, “They’re the only ones with the balls to still go after transport ships in this system. The First Order’s got everyone running scared, including the Gozz. That’s why all these Hutt guys are just sitting around with their thumbs up their asses.”

She made that last statement an announcement, loud enough for everyone to hear. 

I needed to get control of the conversation. 

“Do you have a contact? For the Stardogs?” bringing her back on track.

She shook her head. I hadn’t really expected her to pass me the key I needed, but it would have been nice. “A couple of them poke their heads in here from time to time, Axel Tem and Gern Rama are the main ones. They like women, so you’ll probably be able to make some money off of them, one way or another. 

I leered and spat. 

The woman cackled again, slapping her thigh, “It’s a big Galaxy. We do what we have to don’t we?” She got to her feet and wandered off into the crowd, still drunkenly laughing to herself. 

This was the information I was looking for. I remembered Axel from the file. He even had a mugshot. He was a big man with shaggy brown hair, and a pattern of tattoos across his arms. 

I hung around for another drink. 

As night faded into morning, the place began to get quieter. 

Spots like this never really closed, but all the action was done for the night. The people who wanted to get drunk were drunk, and the gamblers had either won or lost everything they could stand to lose. 

Comfortably buzzed and starting to come down from the lines of Blue, I wound my way back to Rosie. 

It hadn’t been a successful day, but I had made a few contacts at the gambling table and confirmed that the Stardogs made the rounds out here. 

On board Rosie, I plopped myself into the captain’s chair and started to warm up the engines. 

I decided to wander into a more secluded spot to call Ymir and get some shut eye. I took my ship somewhere halfway between Grimjack’s and the town and landed her deep under tree cover. 

I pulled my chip out of the sealed canister and called Ymir. 

I had no idea what time it was back on Kotrea. I didn’t expect him to answer, but his face pulled up, crackling and blue from my console screen. 

“Any news?” he asked. 

“Yeah, I got confirmation that Axel and Gern come by the bar. I didn’t see them tonight. I’m going to give it another day,” I said, “I was up all night so I’m going to get a few hours shut eye.”

“You should check in with Commander Dornan to see if there’s been any recent activity.”

“Yeah, sure thing,” I said. I had wanted to keep my First Order conversations to a minimum. The less contact I had the better. “The crowd out at Grimjack’s is all bent out of shape because of y’all. Apparently it’s hard for an honest smuggler to get a job these days.”

Ymir made a little smile, knowing I was stroking his ego, “Call me when you have an update,” he said, and closed his line. 

Commander Dornan could wait a few hours. I set an alarm on the console and wandered off to my bunk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone following the story!
> 
> I love to hear your thoughts and theories in the comments!


	5. The Stardogs- Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For your weekend reading pleasure, we have the exciting conclusion to Siobhan versus The Stardogs!
> 
> In Part 1, Siobhan began her mission, an agent of the First Order hunting a group of pirates stealing from their supply lines. She has a lead on two of the crew members. 
> 
> Tonight, she hopes to establish contact and track them to their base.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a really fun chapter. It was a blast to write and we get to see Siobhan in action. 
> 
> On Wednesday we'll see Rajendra (for the first time in a very long time), and get to explore more of the politics of the First Order.

**I**

At midday there wouldn’t be a lot happening at Grimjack’s, so I decided to do some exploring in town. 

I took Rosie above the treeline and parked her on the outskirts. The city was built in levels, hemmed in by plants. All of the buildings were covered in thick vines, decorated with their white and gold flowers. 

I strolled along the terrace streets, feeling a little ragged, a little hungover. I stopped for my breakfast at a street cart, getting a soup with eggs and dumplings.

There was a big market downtown. I made my way there to look for comms equipment. 

The crowds were thick. I edged through the narrow paths between stalls, checking in on the ones that sold electronics. I pawed through bin after bin, but every time I came across something promising it was either broken, outdated, or didn’t have the range I needed. 

If I was shopping as a freelancer, the technology would be fine, but I needed good equipment. My private comms would be my connection to the outside world. I needed a system that had all the bells and whistles. 

After a few unsuccessful hours I decided to get some new clothes. Tasha was hand-tailoring my outfits, but there was a special joy from hunting down something perfect from a street market. 

I tried on dresses, shirts, and jewelry. I bought a pair of large, dangling earrings that fell just to my shoulders. The winner was an olive-green, leather jacket with a wide, fur collar. As I pulled it around myself, I knew I had to have it. 

The owner, a short, fat, Kitonak woman, wanted thirty credits for it, but I worked her down to fifteen. 

I stopped for another meal, fried noodles and vegetables. The sun was setting and the night would be getting started at Grimjack’s. My final detour was for snacks and beer from a cart at the edge of town. 

I decided to park Rosie in one of the arrays built into the trees. 

I cut a couple lines of Blue on my glass console screen and pulled them up my nose. 

The world sharpened around me - colors brightened, time felt like it was slowing down as I sped up. My awareness was sparking with energy, a live wire inside of me. This time, I knew what to expect and the sensation wasn’t so overwhelming. 

I had my blaster on my thigh, and my lightsabers in the canisters on my belt. I checked the trackers, tucked away in the pockets on my bandolier. 

Tonight was the night. I’d make my connection with the Stardogs and finish this little cleanup job. 

***

The Hutt cartel men were already at their table. Maybe they had never left. 

I ordered my shot and a beer, and joined them. 

Tonight, one of the men moved a chair for me. 

“Back for more?” said the gray-furred Talz as he dealt me in. 

“Yeah, I bought this jacket today so I’m already in the hole,” I grinned, popping the fur collar. 

The man with the birthmark laughed as he dealt me in. 

I played casually, not caring too much about winning or losing. I wanted to keep my spot and see if I could get any more information about the Stardogs. The table was near the front and I felt confident I would be able to spot Axel if he came in tonight. 

As the evening gave way to night, the bar became louder and more crowded. 

We had just started a new hand, when a group of loud, rough men came in with their girlfriends. They gathered at the bar, conspicuously ordering a round for everyone on the stools. 

One of the players sighed. It was the kind of sigh the oldtimers made when young blood starting to throw their weight and money around. That kind of sigh had been directed at me more times than I could remember. 

“Who’re they?” I asked judgmentally, flicking my eyes up towards the bar. 

“The fucking Stardog boys,” the old Gamorrean grumbled. 

“I was hearing about them last night,” I said, “What’s their deal?”

The man with the birthmark on his temple made a twisting frown, “The First Order has us up against the wall. Our bosses pulled us off the trade routes, so now these guys have come in. They haven’t been caught yet, so they’re acting real fresh.”

“Disrespectful shits,” the Talz said, and made a sideways glance at the bar, “Just you wait, Axel is going to come on over after he’s gotten a few rounds in and finishes playing grab-ass.”

“I don’t have any problem taking his money,” the Gamorrean snorted, “and his girls are easy on the eyes.”

I made a mean little smirk. I knew exactly where I’d be staying. Over my cards, I kept an eye on Axel and his group. 

There were eight of them, four men and four women. The men were large. Axel wore a sleeveless vest, leaving his chest and arms bare. I recognized the tattoos decorating the curves of his muscles. I heard him bragging and barking orders at the bar staff. He had a drunk, brazen confidence I was very familiar with. 

It took him an hour to make it to our table. I was getting impatient. 

Ordinarily, I would hang around and try to catch his attention, but with the scar on my face and blaster on my thigh, I didn’t look like an easy pick-up. 

He approached our table with his posse, loud and stumbling in the crowded space. His girl was on his arm, tugging her skirt down her ass every few seconds. 

“Deal me in,” he commanded, pulling up an extra chair and taking a wide-legged seat. 

He was across from me at the table and made a cocky grin, “This is the first time I’ve seen you old farts let a female at the table,” he said. 

“It seems they’ll let just anyone at the table,” I shot back with a smirk and a playful arch of my eyebrow. 

A ripple of laughter moved through the group as Axel was dealt in. His girl gave him a kiss on the cheek and joined the rest of his posse at a nearby booth. 

“Who’re you?” Axel asked during our first hand. 

“Mara,” I answered. 

This was the exact kind of guy I was used to hooking up with. He was rough and handsome. A shock of brown and blue hair flopped over his headband. 

It would be too easy. 

Axel liked to talk. As he played he bragged about himself and his exploits. In half an hour, I had all the information I needed. I knew what kind of ship his was flying, and even had details about his posse on the nearby bench. 

What a bunch of idiots. 

I began to lose slowly, not wanting it to be obvious I was throwing my hands. 

After I lost my fifth in a row, I scooped up what I had left on the table. 

“Hey Mara, don’t be a stranger, you should go have a drink with my crew.” Axel said as I stood up. 

“I don’t say no to free drinks,” I said, “Gotta take a leak first.”

It was time to find his ship. 

***

The tracking devices were small, half the size of my palm. It would be nothing to hide it. 

I was looking for a cloudjumper. I expected he’d have someone around for security. 

I moved like a drunk through the lots, swaying and weaving. If anyone was watching it would look like I had lost my ship. I wasn’t the only one. 

Axel had a fancy new machine, and I assumed he would have it parked somewhere far away. My intuition was rewarded when I saw the flashy thing, wings folded up, at the edge of the lot. 

One of his associates was there on guard duty, but as I got closer, I saw he had a girl bent forward, braced against the landing gear while he fucked her from behind. 

I weaved nearer with the tracker in my hand. With one press of my thumb it was activated. I halted in front of a neighboring ship and leaned forward like I was about to hurl. I used that moment to _guide_ the device inside Axel’s front landing gear.

So far so good. 

I made my way back to the bar to get drunk on Axel’s dime. 

***

I joined the crew at their booth, making a space for myself. Axel yelled at them to get me a drink. His girl gave me a nasty look, but didn’t say anything. 

They were a rowdy bunch. It was easy to fit in as they talked shit, played bar games, and groped each other. 

When Axel finished at the table he rejoined us, moving the group over to the cages to bet on the bare-knuckle fights. I felt his hand on my ass as we cheered the bloody fighters. 

Eventually, they started to get bored with their surroundings and began to make plans to leave. 

“You come here often?” Axel asked, leaning heavily over me. 

“Yeah, I’m around,” I said with a flirtatious curl to my lips.

“I’d invite you back, but my girl wouldn’t like it too much. Maybe I won’t bring her next time…” he said. 

What a charmer. 

“Okay, until next time. Thanks for the drinks,” I said. 

He gave my ass a slap on the way out the door. 

I sighed and rolled my eyes. 

***

I had a shot at the bar to give them a head start. Then I made my exit, returning to Rosie. 

I was filled with a loose, drunken confidence. There was work to do. 

I warmed up the engines and synced the tracking device up to the console computer. 

Axel and his posse had just left atmosphere. 

I cut another couple lines of Blue on the flat glass console screen. Up my nose it went, and within a minute I could feel the fog of alcohol retreating. My brain was humming with activity and alertness. 

Next, I typed up a quick message to Ymir: Established contact and put a tracker on ship, trailing them now.

I moved up into open space, keeping an eye on the console read-out. 

It was going to be a pain if they jumped into hyperspace - I’d have to wait until they reached their destination. There was no telling where they were going. I had heard someone talking about another bar, so maybe they were all going to a brothel or a club. I didn’t want to waste another day on these idiots. 

Thankfully, luck was on my side. 

I followed their ship for an hour, keeping a lot of distance between us. I stuck to the interplanet traffic lanes. It shouldn’t look suspicious. 

With my music playing in the background, I watched the map and leisurely cut more lines of Blue, clearing the alcohol from my system. 

I was feeling bright and clever. 

I kept my comms lines open to the local smuggling frequencies, seeing if I could track them through chatter alone. I didn’t hear anything from them on the public bands.

Eventually, I noticed another ship on my radar, idling in empty space. It had a merchants guild signature, but it was clearly not on a transport job. 

I watched Axel’s ship approach it on my radar screen. He was coming in to land. 

I had found her. 

This was going to be the trickiest part. I needed to find a way to get aboard. If I was in a more powerful ship, I could start a firefight. But I only had three small laser cannons to work with.. 

My best option was provoking them into doing something dumb, and from what I had seen at the bar, it shouldn’t be too hard. 

I moved through my comms frequencies and channels, searching for their direct line. 

I found it. “Hey boys,” I greeted over the holofeed from my console. 

“Who’s this?” a man barked in audio-only. 

He turned on the holofeed from his end and I was greeted by Jakkar Rosh himself. 

“It looks like you’re operating in First Order territory,” I said breezily, folding my arms behind my head in the captain’s chair. 

“Who are you?” he spat, squinting at me through the screen. The mugshot was a good representation. His hair shone white in the feed, and I recognized the aggressive jut of his chin. 

“I’m their new enforcer,” I said with a cheerful smile. 

Jakkar laughed. 

My ship was in visual range of his now. His was a big smuggling freighter with multiple hangar bays. He’d be able to host his whole crew, their ships, and all their payloads aboard. I was not going to be able to storm this ship from the outside. 

“What? You got some stormtroopers in that little rustbucket?” he said. 

“No, just me,” I said, enjoying the banter, “I wanted to give you a chance to surrender.”

Jakkar was laughing openly and loudly. He sounded more than a little drunk, and a few of his crew came over to see what all the ruckus was about. 

“Who’s that?” Axel’s face swam into view. He frowned as he recognized me, “That’s the bitch from the bar!” he cried. 

“What?!” Jakkar asked sharply. 

“We were just drinking with her at Grimjack’s,” Axel said, an edge of nervousness in his voice. 

“She’s saying she’s a First Order enforcer,” Jakkar snarled. 

“Yeah right, I was just buying her drinks,” Axel said, hands up defensively. “Yeah, good joke love. You liked us so much you’re coming by for a good time,” he said, shoving his face in front of the camera. 

In the background I could hear Jakkar still yelling at Axel, “How’d she find us! She shouldn’t have been able to find this ship!”

I sat quietly for this little circus, but it seemed like they could do this all night. 

I interrupted, taking control of the conversation, “Jakkar, I tracked them to you. I’m giving you the option to surrender, otherwise I’m going to board your ship and take out you and your crew.” 

“Fucking strange bitch!” Axel cursed. 

Behind him, Jakkar narrowed his eyes, “You don’t look First Order. Your ship sure as fuck don’t look First Order. It looks like its worth something, though,” he paused as he tried to be clever, “How about this. We take your ship, then we take turns fucking you until we get bored.”

A heavy shudder shook Rosie, and she began to move forward, not under my control. 

I had a sarcastic grin on my face. Oh no...a tractor beam...what a surprise…

Jakkar was still talking, “Then, when we’re done fucking you, we’ll figure out which airlock to throw you out of.”

He cut the feed. 

I had a few minutes to prepare. First, I lowered the landing gear so Rosie wouldn’t get fucked up when they dropped her in the hangar, then I snorted another line of Blue. The stimulant lit up my brain, and I relished the elevated, crackling energy moving through me. 

I was ready for a fight. 

I headed to the cargo bay for my weapons. 

**II**

I felt armed to the teeth and naked at the same time. 

My blaster was on my thigh with the safety off. 

I took the lightsabers out of their canisters so they’d be at the ready on my belt. 

The bandolier with smoke and flash grenades went around my chest.

Rosie shuddered again as she entered their hangar and they released the hold of the tractor beam. 

I bent my knees to keep my balance. 

I could hear their hangar door sealing shut, so there was at least one person with brains on this freighter. 

There were two ways off Rosie: a side hatch next to a wing, and the ramp from the cargo bay. 

Men were fanning out around the ship, I could hear their boots across the metal floor. With my awareness extended, I could sense ten of them. 

“Come out bitch, or we’ll light up your ship!” Jakkar roared, his voice echoed in the hangar. 

Adrenaline and Blue were coursing through my veins and I felt a grin pulling at my lips. This was my first time entering a fight with my full connection to the Force. I was excited. 

I had a smoke grenade in my right hand. I hit the button to lower the ramp and activated the sphere, rolling it down ahead of me. 

As smoke began to billow from the ramp entrance, the men started firing. Their shots were rapid and frantic. 

I activated one lightsaber in my left hand, and took my blaster in my right.

This was the best smoke grenade I had ever used. The air was opaque. I couldn’t see a fucking thing, but with my awareness extended, I was able to pick out the men through the fog. I batted away the red plasma bolts as I walked down the ramp, firing with my blaster into the crowd. 

I was so happy for the practice I had with Ekene.

It was chaos in the hangar. The men were yelling in confusion. In their panic, some of the men were managing to do my job for me - two fell under friendly fire. 

I was able to shield myself with my lightsaber, but it gave them something to aim at in the smoke. 

I took out four more people with well-placed blaster shots, deflecting the ones aimed for me. 

The grenade was still pouring thick smoke. I was coughing, but with the powder doing its job and my senses submerged in the Force, it didn’t slow me down. 

The next group was close, and I lunged at them with my lightsaber in my left hand. They screamed as my blade landed true and the smell of burned meat joined the smog filling the hangar. 

More men had come in, running to help their crewmates. 

All of them fell to my lightsaber and blaster. 

The hangar became quiet. I couldn’t sense anyone that was an immediate threat. 

I stuck my blaster in the holster and jogged over to the grenade. It was still going strong, until I clicked the red button to stop the damned thing. I hooked it on my bandolier. 

Thirteen dead. So far so good. 

I closed the ramp to my cargo bay and locked Rosie with a code. 

Now it was time to take care of the rest. 

I sent my awareness through the ship. The crew had taken a moment to regroup. I could feel their fear. 

With the Force cast around me like a net, I made my way to the bridge. 

Five men had arranged themselves in the hall. 

Three men fell under my blaster fire and two fell to my lightsaber. 

Eighteen dead. 

The bridge was two floors up. I moved quickly, not wanting to give them time to start closing bay doors. I found the stairs and clambered up them, taking the next hall at a jog, my blaster at the ready. 

When I arrived at the bridge I found they had locked it. 

I rushed to the console, intending to hotwire it, but then I had a better idea. I took a step back and held my left hand out _reaching_ into the machinery and _opening_ the locks. 

It was easier than opening the gates on Korriban. 

The bay doors separated and the men inside were too shocked to immediately respond. 

They caught up pretty quick. 

Blaster fire began to erupt around me, and my lightsaber was activated in my hand. 

I rushed into the room. 

There were four men crouched behind consoles and seats. They fell under my well-placed shots. 

Twenty-two dead. 

I was alone on the bridge. 

The silence was deafening. A thin haze of blaster residue hung in the air. 

I _reached_ through the ship to see if there were any more enemies I needed to hunt down. 

There were still people aboard, but they were in hiding.Their fear felt electric and paralyzing. 

I assumed those were the girlfriends. Even if they were crew, I wasn’t going to hunt down anyone who wasn’t trying to fight. 

It was time to send a message. I prepared to make a comms blast across the underground channels.

I moved to the undamaged central console and began activating all of the frequencies. I flipped switches to set the ship on its authentic smuggling signature.

I thought about doing a videofeed, but decided against it. Anonymity was precious. An image could make it back to Vin or the Resistance. 

I leaned into the mic and began to talk. 

“This transmission is coming from the bridge of the Stardog freighter. I’ve just killed all members of the crew on behalf of the First Order,” I began. My elbow was on the console, a mean grin on my face, “Any group that takes their place will wind up facing me. Consider this your warning.”

I shut off the comms. That would be enough. 

I checked the ship’s shields and made sure all the hangar doors were locked. There could be members of the Stardogs still having a night out. I had killed twenty-two men, but the report didn’t say how big the crew was. I assumed that this was most of them - any remnants wouldn’t be a problem. 

There was more for me to do. This ship had everything I needed to set up my private comms. I had just landed on a goldmine. 

With my blaster in hand I jogged back to Rosie, not seeing another soul on the way. 

The smoke had dispersed in the hangar and the results of my fight were there for me to see. 

The corpses of thirteen men lay scattered about. I had killed most of them with blaster fire. Near the back of my ship were the seared limbs of the men I had killed with my lightsaber. 

I had to step over the bodies as I approached the ramp and lowered it. 

I grabbed my toolkit and a crate from the cargo bay. Then I locked my ship again and returned to the bridge. 

***

I worked quickly, removing panels and digging into their consoles. 

The comms array was clean and professional. Whoever installed it really knew what they were doing. Everything was contained in one box with neat wiring traveling out. 

I was even more convinced they had a codebreaker in their crew. 

This was everything I’d need. I ducked inside the panel and got to work snipping wires, detaching the comms set-up from the console. 

Next came the signature code box. They had all different kinds. There were signatures for merchant ships and guild ships. They had New Republic codes and even one for the First Order. 

I had one moment of sympathy for the Star Destroyer Commander. This was not a ship that was easy to find. 

I began to uninstall the second array. 

My head and shoulders were still buried in the console panel when I sensed someone coming. 

She was terrified, moving slowly.

I kept working, a screwdriver in one hand and wire cutters in the other. 

“Don’t move!” a woman’s voice announced from the entrance to the bridge. 

She was trying to be authoritative, but her voice was tight with fear.

I slid out from the insides of the console, _capturing_ her - immobilized half a meter off the ground. She gasped and tried to struggle, her feet kicking uselessly in the air. 

She had a blaster in her hand, and I _pulled_ it from her, bringing it all the way over to my side. 

I felt the adrenaline flooding her body. Panic and horror coursed through her and her heart began to thunder in her chest. 

“I’m only going to hurt you if you try to hurt me,” I said, keeping my tone even and direct, meeting her eyes, “Will you stay calm if I release you?”

The girl summoned her courage and nodded. Her whole body was trembling. I could feel the panic in her heart, spreading to her fingertips and toes. 

I gently _lowered_ her to the ground and she started crying as her bare feet touched the metal floors. 

She had to be one of the girlfriends. I didn’t recognize her from the bar. She was young and pretty in a tiny, strappy dress. She still had all her make-up on, and it was making dark paths down her cheeks as she cried. 

“What’s your name?” I asked, establishing that I was the one in charge. 

“Denna…” she sniffed, folding her arms across her chest, looking down, “I’m Jakkar’s girlfriend…”

“I only had business with them, not you,” I said from my seat on the floor, the box of stolen comms equipment next to me, “I’m going to take the supplies I need, then I’m going to be on my way.”

“What do I do?” she asked. 

Poor thing. 

I shrugged, “Whatever you want.”

I returned to my work, removing the final screws from the second case. When I was done, I turned off the shields and unlocked the hangar doors. 

The girl hung in the doorway, sniffling and scuffing her feet, watching me. 

I put the transmission parts in the box and began doing a mental inventory. 

“Who are you?” she asked, scared and pathetic. 

“I’m the First Order’s new Sith,” I said, a sharp grin tugging at my mouth. 

Everything I needed was in the crate. 

I stood up, tucking her blaster into my belt and holding my new equipment under my arm. She shuddered and drew in as I walked past her, returning to the hangar. 

It must have taken every ounce of courage for her to threaten me. She trailed me down the hallway, keeping a few meters of distance between us. I didn’t get the sense she was going to try anything. She just didn’t know what to do. 

I took pity on her.

“I sent out a comms blast on the underground, so you’ll probably have people coming by to scout this bird out in the next few hours,” I told her. “Are there anymore crew members left on this ship?” 

“I don’t think so…” she murmured. 

“I’m going to call my contacts and let them know the job is finished. I’m going to tell them not to start a fight unless you attack them.”

We had arrived at the cargo bay. 

She gasped and made a low frightened moan as she saw the bodies scattered across the floor, beneath the lingering smoke. 

When she found Jakkar’s body, she began to sob, kneeling on the ground next to him, smoothing back his hair. 

I walked over to Rosie and lowered the ramp. I dropped the box in the cargo bay and swiftly moved to the cockpit, deciding to leave before the girl got any ideas. 

Out in open space, I put my First Order chip in the console and called the Commander. 

His round face appeared in my scratchy holofeed. 

“Madam Siniang,” he greeted. 

“It’s done,” I said, “I sent a comms blast out through the underground frequencies. You might see some other crews sniffing around in the next few hours.”

“Thank you. We’ll send a TIE fighter squadron over to pick off the vultures,” he said. 

“I want you to leave them alone for twenty-four hours.” I said firmly.

The Commander stiffened. 

“The only people left aboard are the girlfriends. They’re not going to cause any trouble for you,” I continued, “So tell your men not to rough them up. Understood?”

Bossing around a First Order Commander was such a good feeling. 

“Yes, Madam Siniang,” he said. 

“Now if any of these pirates start causing trouble for you again, you can give me a call. Out,” I said and ended the feed. 

I glanced down at my console to make sure I was still on my own. Nothing had showed up on my radar. 

I called Ymir. 

“It’s done. I just called Commander Dornan,” I said. 

“Less than forty-eight hours, not bad,” Ymir replied, “Anything to report?”

“It was easy, “ I said, “I sent out a comms blast on the underground channels, just audio. I told them there’s a new enforcer in town and I’m keeping an eye on the sector.”

“Any trouble with the crew?” he asked. 

“Nope. I took out the crew, but not their girlfriends. I told one of them that I’m a Sith. The Commander should leave them alone for a day. I’m hoping the word can get out if other crews start investigating.”

Ymir was nodding, “I’ll see you in six hours then.” He wasn’t going to give me any wiggle room. It was an in-and-out job.

“Sure thing, boss.” 

He closed the line. 

I turned up my music, did a little bump of blue powder, and set the hyperdrive coordinates. 

The stars stretched out in front of me. 

I had six hours and a lot of work to do. 

***

My time in hyperspace was entirely taken up by installing my newcomms. 

The bad wiring job on my ship was the perfect disguise.

I installed the signature code boxes in a deep hollow inside the console. I submerged myself in the inner workings of my ship, a flashlight in my mouth and soldering tools in my hands. 

I had a few beers during my breaks. I left a couple open bags of snacks on the console. 

Ymir would have his mechanics do a thorough check of this ship when I brought her back, but they didn’t know what to look for. Rosie was old, and her maintenance had all been done by her owner. They would see what they wanted to see - an outdated bucket of bolts. 

When I was done with the project I would have two separate sets of comms. I wanted to be able to communicate anonymously and have my own personal signature. 

I would use Rosie’s original comms as my primary. I had the normal bandwidth and a generic Outer Rim signature. With the Stardog’s box installed, I’d be able to scan through most of the frequencies that mattered. I’d even be able to listen in on First Order channels without my chip. 

There wasn’t enough time to connect the two separate comms to the console. I’d have to access my box manually for now. It was inconvenient, but that added another layer of security. 

My first call would be to Vin. 

If Ymir wanted me to clear smugglers and pirates out of First Order territory, Vin would be an invaluable ally. He knew all the gossip and had a way of spotting storms.

After I installed the Stardog’s comms box, I did a hard reset, wiping their signature. I’d need to get a signature of my own, but I didn’t have those skills. 

Vin could help me program it. I would have to try my luck, contacting him anonymously. He spent a lot of time in the local Resistance bars. Someone must have told him that I had died on the Vangelis. If I contacted him with the Stardog’s signature, it would be easy for him to trace it back and he’d connected me to this mission.

As I worked, I thought of what I would write to him. 

I needed him to know it was me, but I couldn’t be direct. If someone intercepted the message it would blow my cover.

There was only half an hour left until I was back at Ymir’s estate. 

Leaning over the console, I carefully typed and retyped my message. I went back and forth, typing sentences, deleting some, then starting over from scratch. 

In the end the note was simple: Vin, my adventures have taken me far away this past cycle. I want to meet with you about a job. Your shoreleave smuggler. 

I hoped it would get through. 

Vin and I had worked together for over three years. It started when I had racked up some gambling debt and still wanted beer money. I thought I would do a couple of jobs to get some more credits in my pocket, but I actually enjoyed working with Vin and his loose crew of freelancers. 

His wife, Priya, was always fussing and setting me straight. She was a natural mother, loving, but didn’t take any shit. They had twins, a boy and a girl. The kids would be six or seven by now. 

This was my way to give back. I could pay Vin for intelligence, supplies. I wasn’t going to let him know I was working for the First Order. That wouldn’t sit well with him, but I knew he had a price. If I kept the credits flowing into his pocket, he’d play along. 

I wanted to reach out to Ahobri, but she would have to wait for now. 

***

As soon as I exited hyperspace, I sent the message to Vin and then switched back to my primary comms. 

I contacted security over Kotrea and was cleared for landing. 

All my tools went back into the cargo bay. 

In the cockpit, I _crushed_ the beer cans into perfectly flat discs, leaving them on the ground. I wiped off the console screen with my finger and licked off the residue. It made my gums and tongue numb, and gave me a jolt of energy. 

The baggie of drugs went into a ceiling panel inside the bathing closet. 

I surveyed my work. 

The cockpit was messy. It looked like I had spent twelve hours in it. Nothing unusual. 

I piloted myself down to Ymir’s estate. The mission had been a success. I had just completed my first assignment as an agent of the First Order.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to everyone following this story. 
> 
> I sat down and did some mapping of the next few chapters, as we get closer to Episode IX and the holidays. i'm excited about everything coming up. We'll be getting a lot more plot and see some of our long lost characters make a return and get introduced to some new people. 
> 
> Stay tuned. 
> 
> Thanks so much for your lovely comments. I always want to hear your thoughts!


	6. Raj

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Siobhan has successfully completed her mission against the Stardogs. 
> 
> She has installed a secret set of comms and is trying to establish contact with one of her old smuggling contacts. 
> 
> Ymir and Ekene are taking Siobhan to a First Order council meeting. 
> 
> Rajendra is still holding out on the Starkiller Base deal. 
> 
> We'll see how Siobhan tries to regain a foothold in the Galaxy and establish her independence within the First Order.

**I**

Ymir was very pleased with my success against the Stardogs. 

Commander Dornan, with a Star Destroyer and fleet of TIE fighter pilots, hadn’t been able to find and take care of one small smuggling outfit. I had cleared them out in less than two days. All it took was a trip to a bar and a tracking device. 

The Commander had followed my orders and left the ship alone for twenty-four hours. They monitored the coordinates and saw several different crews come by to raid the ship.  
When the First Order finally boarded her, all the living inhabitants were gone. 

Hopefully the rumors were spreading; the Stardogs had been taken out by one lone woman, the First Order had another Sith. 

My thoughts kept returning to Denna. I couldn’t forget the terror in her eyes. When I had _reached_ through her body, I felt her fear as if it were my own. The memory haunted me in the following days. 

I had surrendered myself over to the Force through the fight. I had felt powerful. It was so much easier than what I had been through on Korriban. Taking out a group of smugglers was nothing compared to my experience fighting rancor. 

When I felt Denna’s fear, I realized just how strong I had become, but I knew what it was like to be helpless in the face of that kind of power. 

***

I wasn’t given much time to stew on my thoughts. 

During my debrief with Ymir, I was told we’d be going to a First Order council meeting in two days. 

Ekene would be travelling with us, acting as my handler. He would help make introductions and orient me while Ymir was taking care of state responsibilities. It would be an exciting few days of hyperspace travel and sitting around looking pretty for the leadership. 

Tasha put everything together. My outfits were tailored and labeled for each day. There wasn’t anything I needed to prepare. 

We stuck to our usual schedule of meditations and physical training. 

After the Stardogs, my practice with the Darkside had a new depth. On Korriban, my skills were developed through base survival. The fight against the Stardogs was different - I had enjoyed using my power. The Darkside was a chasm, hungry for violence and bloodshed. When I surrendered myself to it, there wasn’t a shred of doubt in my heart. 

Ymir’s old question resurfaced - What kind of Sith are you going to become?

***

I waited until the night before the council meeting to check my comms for messages. I was hoping for a response from Vin.

I was anxious to see if I could make a connection point with my old life. 

Accessing the secondary comms was a pain in the ass. I had to remove a panel under the dashboard in the cockpit and then manually hook up the secondary system to the console. Thankfully, I couldn’t see any evidence that the mechanics had discovered the new set up. 

I plugged in the comms and turned on the console.

Vin hadn’t responded. 

It was a let-down, and I couldn’t tell what it meant. Messages without signatures were usually scams. Vin could have just ignored it. He could have gone to the Resistance. I was supposed to be dead. 

I made my way back to the house on foot, heels dragging along the gravel path. 

***

The next morning, Ymir, Ekene, and I headed off after morning meditation. 

Ymir was piloting his silver cruiser, The Centurion. I hadn been aboard her since we had travelled to Snoke’s palace. 

We’d have four hours in hyperspace together before we arrived on a Star Destroyer to meet with some of his top brass. The following day was the council meeting, held planet-side on Vardos, the First Order’s capitol. 

During the trip in hyperspace, Ymir and Ekene camped out in the central room. They set up a holo projector and spent hours reviewing numbers, discussing bills, and gossiping about various politicians and leaders. It was all gibberish to me and I couldn’t keep focus. 

To my relief, neither of them tried to pull me into the conversation. 

I bummed around on the sofas, playing games on my tablet. 

Before we left hyperspace, Ymir asked me to change into robes. We’d have a formal reception waiting for us on the Star Destroyer. 

There was a rack of clothing set up in my quarters. Each outfit had its own protective covers. I skimmed the labels. 

For this event I had a set of robes in charcoal gray, similar to what Tasha had me wear for the meeting with Hux. I would be covered from neck to toe, with a wide belt to hold my lightsabers. 

To offset the boring outfit, I took time with my makeup, putting a deep shade of red on my lips, black shadow on my eyes. I set my hair in two braids, looping them upwards and pinning them together in the back. 

When it was time, I joined Ymir in the cockpit. He was dressed in dark robes, layers of beige and gold at his throat. 

We exited hyperspace within visual range of a massive Star Destroyer, stationed above Vardos. 

A thrill of fear ran through me, instinctive from all my years smuggling and working with the Resistance. Usually a Star Destroyer on the horizon meant trouble. 

Ymir was preparing the ship to land, contacting the bridge to let them know of our arrival. 

I realized that this would be the first Star Destroyer I was boarding an official capacity. I had come aboard the Finalizer as a prisoner of war. Now I was entering this ship as Ymir’s acolyte. 

“Admiral Banks will be meeting with us when we land,” he said, running his hands across the buttons and dials with practiced motions as we approached the hangar. 

“We’ll go to the bridge together. I’ll be in meetings the remainder of the day. You and Ekene are free to do what you like.”

“Just stay out of trouble?” I said with a wink. 

Ymir gave me a heavy-lidded look in response. 

**II**

We arrived to a full welcome party in the hangar. From the cockpit, I surveyed the officers and soldiers. 

There were six units of stormtroopers assembled. Each unit had a standard-bearer with a First Order banner. In front of them, was a line of officers. The Admiral stood at the head.

As we exited the cockpit, Ekene met us in the central room. He wore conservative robes in shades of forest-green, white, and gray. 

Ymir had me stand to his right as we walked down the ramp. Ekene was just a pace behind us to his left. 

“Attention!” an officer called, and I watched seventy soldiers move into a salute. 

We approached the group of top brass. 

“Admiral Banks, this is my acolyte, Lin Siniang.”

The Admiral was pale and jowly, with a deeply furrowed brow. 

“Pleasure, Madam,” he said, and I could only see respect in his eyes as he shook my hand. 

We made our way toward the bridge, Ymir talking with the Admirals and the officers. 

I noticed as someone met with Ekene, whisking him off. 

As we moved I kept to myself, maintaining a cool, aloof expression. Ymir was catching up with the officers as we moved through the halls and up elevators. 

This ship was a smaller version of the Finalizer. We had landed in one of the exclusive hangars near the bridge. We walked down spotless hallways, soldiers and officers moving through their routines. Sleek droids zipped between human traffic, or were working on consoles. 

The bridge was less impressive than the one on the Finalizer. They didn’t have the large recessed console arrays in the floor. All the officers were lined up at stations set into the walls. 

There was another round of introductions with people on the bridge. I forgot the names as soon as I heard them. 

Finally, Ymir put a hand on my shoulder, “You can set up in your quarters. I’ll call on you if you’re needed.”

A female lieutenant escorted me. She was stiff and anxious. I realized that I made her nervous. 

This couldn’t have been more different from my first experience on a Star Destroyer. 

***

My quarters were just two floors down from the bridge. 

It looked like I was on officer’s row. The ceilings were higher, the lighting was warmer. There were fixtures mounted on the walls, along with the inset lighting in the ceiling. 

“Lord Ymir’s quarters are across the hall,” the lieutenant said as she opened the door, “You can call for anything you need from the console. I’ll be your attendant on this visit.”

“Thanks,” I said, and dismissed her. 

I surveyed the room. 

There was a large bunk set into the wall, a few chairs with side tables, and a desk. A large window took up half of a wall. From my position on the ship, all I had was a view of empty space.

Someone had already brought up my kit bag and the rack of clothes. 

I pushed aside the privacy curtain to the bunk, and flopped onto the wide bed. I dropped my arm over my eyes and let out a heavy sigh.

I was on a Star Destroyer with nothing to do. 

A few minutes later there was a buzz on my console. 

“Siobhan?” I heard Ekene’s voice. 

I climbed out of bed to answer, “Yeah?” 

“Come to my room. I have wine.”

**III**

I crossed the hall and Ekene opened the door, inviting me in. 

He had already changed out of his formal robes. 

“I don’t have a sitting room,” I said, looking over the collection of couches, chairs, and low tables. 

“You’re not the head of the First Order,” Ekene said, pouring me a glass. 

We took a seat on the nearest couch, curling up on either end. 

“Is there anything else happening today?” I asked, taking a drink. 

“I hope not,” Ekene said.

I laughed. 

“These trips are never exciting,” he continued, “It’s all politics. Lord Ymir just wants to trot you out and have people see you. We’ll spend most of this trip waiting around.”

“Ah, back to the soldiering life,” I replied, taking a deep drink from my glass. 

“Just pray that Lord Ymir doesn’t ask us to go schmoozing with him in the officer’s lounge later.”

We sat around talking and wasting time. When Ymir returned, we were halfway through a heated game of Dejarik. There were three empty bottles on the table and full glasses within hands reach. 

“It was all my idea,” Ekene said before Ymir could say anything. He was staring intently at the board, deciding his next move. 

He took two of my pieces. 

“Oh come on!” I complained. 

Ymir put his arms across his chest. I could practically hear his eyebrow arching. “We’ll be meditating at 0400,” he said, “Physical training at 0500.” He pulled off his gloves and sank into a chair. 

“Got it,” I said, my tongue between my teeth as I concentrated on my next move. 

Ekene was kicking my ass. We were in the endgame and he was going to win if I didn’t do something about it. He had my pieces cornered. 

Was there a weakness in his position that I didn’t see? I sent out a whisper of my awareness, like I had during the card game at Grimjack’s. 

“That’s cheating,” Ymir said casually. 

“Siobhan!” Ekene exclaimed dramatically. 

“It’s not like we’re playing for money,” I grumbled. 

Ekene won and I was kicked out of the room so they could have some time alone. 

***

My dreams were hot and suffocating. 

I was in the desert on Korriban without my speeder. 

I walked through the red sand. The sun sat overhead, beating down on me. It didn’t move, even though I had been walking for hours. I trudged up and down great hills. Ahead of me were the mountains. I could feel the Academy beyond them. 

I walked and walked and walked. 

My tongue grew dry in my mouth and my lips cracked as I continued to put one foot in front of the other, never getting any closer to my destination...

The alarm from the console jolted me awake at 0345, the lights rising up in my bunk. 

I ran my hand down my face, returning to myself. I was on a ship. 

We were about to begin morning training. 

Blearily, I shrugged on my clothes from my kit bag. I secured my belt and lightsabers around my waist. 

I met Ymir and Ekene at their quarters right on time. 

As we travelled down the halls, Ekene slipped me a little green pill. I swallowed it dry. My hangover wouldn’t have a chance to take hold. 

We did our meditation together. Ymir left to get ready while we did physical training. 

“We’re going to be sitting on our asses all day aren’t we?” I said as Ekene led us through a pushup routine on the metal floors. 

“And shaking hands with politicians,” he added, sweat dripping off his temples. 

I put effort into physical training. Sitting around and being polite all day wasn’t one of my skills. It would be easier if I was tired. 

***

I was given forty-five minutes to get ready. 

Ymir wanted to show me off and I loved to make a scene. 

My pre-decided robes were jet black, with crimson accents along my shoulders and the center panel. The sleeves were tight. There were black, leather gloves and a half-cloak lined in crimson fabric. 

It was very dramatic. Tasha had outdone herself. 

Today, I left my hair down around my shoulders. I put black shadow on my eyes and a black stain on my lips. 

When I was done, the lieutenant escorted me to the transport shuttle; a large, military ship. 

Inside, Ymir and Ekene were talking with a group of officers that I recognized from the bridge, twenty or twenty-five people total. 

I made small talk with them. The conversations were formal and stuffy. My mind was elsewhere. I was thinking about Vin, wondering if he had responded to me yet. 

As we made our descent to Vardos, I took a seat on the bench to look out the window. 

The atmosphere was hazy and there was a pale green tint to the sky. An enormous city sprawled out beneath us, as far as I could see. 

There was a lot of air traffic. Our shuttle was given its own special lane and an escort of TIE fighters. I watched the civilian ships moving slowly in their regular traffic lanes. 

It felt strange to be on the other side, looking out at the city and its people from a military shuttle.

I _reached_ out with my awareness. I felt people moving through their daily routines, the animals that had carved a niche for themselves in all the metal and concrete, and the droids and machinery that kept the city functioning. 

We were approaching a large metal building, set apart from the rest of the city in an empty sea of stone. The building was shaped like a cylinder, with a conical overhanging roof. Huge columns decorated the outside, First Order banners gently flapping between them. 

The stone lot surrounding the building served as a landing pad for arriving spacecraft. 

I saw that there were several different paths for entrance into the building. I watched groups of people striding down avenues marked by storm trooper units. Near the front of the building a large, military band was playing.

As we touched down, the officers began to assemble themselves to exit the shuttle. Ymir had me at his right, the Admiral to his left. Ekene was a row behind us, escorted by a well-decorated Captain. 

There was a red carpet laid out for us and we walked down it. On either side were neatly arranged stormtrooper units, one member of each unit holding up a First Order standard. 

Now that I was on the ground, I could hear the band playing a march, the sound drifting through the misty humid air. 

An attendant was waiting for Ymir at the entrance. He was a Muun, narrow and flat-faced. There was a clear visor wrapped over his eyes with an information feed scrolling by. 

“Lord Ymir,” he greeted, with a crisp bow. Other attendants were approaching to take care of their respective officers. Ekene joined Ymir. “Master Duru,” he added, with another bow.

The Muun’s name was Frome. As I was introduced he bobbed his head for a third time before leading us into the building. 

The halls were alive with activity. I heard hundreds of conversations of officials, aides, and their entourages, all blending together. It made it hard to concentrate on one thing at a time. 

It was obvious that Ymir and the Muun had worked together before. Ymir was at his side, asking questions about the day. Frome answered in clipped sentences as he led us through the halls.

“Aang will be attending to Master Duru and Madam Siniang. She’s currently setting up their booth, would you like her to join us?”

“No need,” Ymir said, “Ekene and Lin will be with me until the start of the meeting. 

We were moving swiftly through the crowds to a door guarded by two security droids. When the door slid shut behind us, the crowd sounds dropped by several decibels. These were the private, interior passages of the building.

The Muun took us to an elevator and we soon emerged on an executive floor. 

The hall had windows along one side. The lot stretched out beneath us. We had to be near the top of the building.

Our group was ushered into a fine stateroom, filled with top brass and politicians all dressed in their uniforms or official robes. 

We had a round of handshakes and greetings. 

I quickly noticed that I was the only woman in the room who wasn’t an attendant or aide. 

The men were discussing the upcoming meeting, policy proposals, and making political predictions. 

I set my expression into something neutral and aloof, and followed Ymir. 

This time, Ekene remained at Ymir’s side, participating actively in the conversations. 

I was bored out of my mind. 

There was a part of me that knew I could pick up useful information, but everyone was using jargon. I couldn’t understand what they were talking about. Every time I tried to follow along, I just lost focus again. 

Sometime later, our group moved through the end of the stateroom, which opened into a booth further inside the building, most of the officers breaking off to go elsewhere with their aides.

It was like our box seats at the opera. I found myself looking out over a sea of politicians and military leaders, arranged in an enormous amphitheater. There had to be over five thousand people here. A low roar filled the bowl. 

We were in a prominent booth, near the top, sticking out from the tiers. A First Order banner draped over the lip and I realized that there was lighting overhead. Our group was on display. 

I felt a smile tugging at the corner of my mouth. I was just a girl from a backwater farming planet colonized by the First Order. I had made my living as a brothel-girl and smuggler, and here I was, at Ymir’s side. 

I joined Ekene, Ymir, and the small gaggle of Admirals and Generals. 

A few minutes later, there was a shift. People began to take their seats and quiet their conversation. 

Ymir put a hand on my back to guide me, and the two of us walked to the front of the booth. 

At the bottom of the amphitheater was a hollow, circular table on top of a raised platform. People sat on the inside of the circle, facing outward. There was a podium in the very center. 

A man in robes approached the table. An aide opened a hinged section of the table and he ascended the podium’s narrow stairs. I stood at Ymir’s side during the opening speech. The man’s voice droned, official and routine. 

When the speech was over, Ymir stepped back from the railing and turned to me, “You and Ekene will have your own booth. Plan to keep to yourself. We’ll meet at the shuttle.”

I nodded. 

Ekene was already back in the stateroom, talking with a graceful, well-dressed twi’lek woman. 

“Aang, this is Lin Siniang,” he introduced, and she made a polite bow. 

“I’ll see you to your seats,” she said. 

**IV**

We were led through interior hallways all the way to the other side of the building. 

She eventually opened a door that returned us to a main hall. 

As we stepped out, I caught a glimpse of Rajendra following a well-dressed man through a doorway. Our eyes locked for just moment before he disappeared. 

“That was Raj,” I said to Ekene, as Aang took us in the opposite direction, towards our booth. 

“I saw him,” he replied, eyes narrowing. 

We walked to our booth. It was shadowy with plush leather chairs, each with a console in the arm. 

Ekene dismissed Aang and she took a post outside the door. 

Beyond the railing of our booth, the sounds of men’s voices filled the space. 

I was trying to figure out if I could meet with Rajendra. I had never seen anyone else back Ymir into a corner. It sounded like he was keeping the entire First Order waiting. This was a person I wanted to connect with. He could be very useful to me. 

Ekene had a serious look on his face as he typed on his console in the arm of his chair. After a few minutes, he called Aang and began going through the list of attendees and guests with her on her tablet. 

“What’s going on?” I asked. 

“I’m going to let Lord Ymir know Juall is here,” Ekene said, “We weren’t expecting him. His name isn’t registered on any of our lists, so I’m not sure what he’s up to.”

“He’s still holding out on the deal?” I asked. 

“He’s being a little shit about it,” Ekene replied. 

He took a few moments to type on the console. 

I remembered our conversation at Snoke’s palace. Raj told me he had known Ymir for a very long time. It sounded like they had some history together. It might be business. It might be more personal. I wanted to find out. 

Ekene kept his gaze on the console screen, waiting for Ymir’s response. After few minutes, he brought his hand up, scrolling along the surface, then got to his feet. “I’m going to go arrange a meeting. Stay here,” he said. 

Inside, I bristled at him giving me orders, but I didn’t let him hear my irritation, “This is going to be the only fun thing that happens today. I want to go with you,” I said, keeping my tone playful. 

Ekene made a little smile, “I can’t show up to the Corulag delegation’s booth with an armed Sith at my side. It would look like we’re making a threat.”

“We got along the last time we talked,” I said. 

“I heard about that,” Ekene said, “That’s another reason why you should stay here.”

So they wanted to make sure I didn’t connect with him…

“Alright, alright,” I grumbled, slouching in my chair. 

Ekene slipped out of the booth and I rested my chin on my palm, thoughts swirling in my mind. 

Ymir wanted me to be his personal weapon. He dressed me up in dark robes, and trotted me out with my lightsabers on my belt. He didn’t want me to have real power. 

I needed to create my own foothold in the world. I wasn’t going to let Ymir keep me tucked away at his estate, only leaving for missions. 

My thoughts returned to Vin. I wanted to have my old smuggling network. I wanted to reconnect with Jukhara. 

Rajendra was just down the hall. I thought about _reaching_ out to him just as Ekene returned to the booth. 

“You and Lord Ymir will be meeting with Rajendra after the council meeting,” he said as he took his seat. 

“I won’t be too intimidating?” I asked with a wink. 

“He’s very interested in you,” Ekene said with a droll expression, “He asked about that scar over your eye.”

“Did you tell him I was doing something heroic?” I replied. 

“I didn’t tell him anything,” Ekene said, “That man is a snake.”

“When we talked at Snoke’s place, Raj said that he and Ymir go back a long way. Do you know what that’s about?” I kept my tone light, trying to sound uninvested. 

Ekene turned to me, a more guarded expression on his face, “They grew up in the same circles,” he said, being careful with his words, “The Jualls and the Danakars were the heads of the Arms Syndicate during the Empire. Rajendra stayed in the family business, while Lord Ymir became a soldier.”

And then the Sith leader of the First Order. 

I waited to see if Ekene would continue, but he didn’t. 

“Oh, so it’s just a separate paths kind of thing,” I shrugged, keeping up my usual, careless tone. 

If Ekene wasn’t going to give me the gossip, I wasn’t going to press for it. His unwillingness to talk told me enough. 

***

All the excitement was over in the first hour. We were stuck in the booth for six more. 

I fidgeted in my chair, bored and restless. I spent my time playing games on the console. 

By the end, I was fighting to stay awake and my stomach was growling. 

Finally, the man on the podium banged a little hammer and there was a rumble as people stood up to begin clearing out. 

I yawned and stretched, fingers interlaced over my head. 

Ekene put his hand on my shoulder, “Aang will take you to Lord Ymir.”

“See you at the shuttle,” I said. 

Aang led me through the interior hallways, returning me to the executive booth where we had started. Ymir gave me a curt nod when he saw me. 

We were escorted through the maze of interior halls by the narrow Muun. We entered an elevator. When the door closed around us, Ymir turned to me. 

“Lin, I need you to keep quiet during this meeting. You will be attending as my acolyte and a representative of the First Order,” his tone was more serious than I was used to. 

“I understand,” I said. 

This was interesting. I had never seen Ymir this wound up before. 

When we exited the elevators, Ymir made long strides down the hallway. He knew where he was going. 

We arrived at an unlabeled, white door. The Muun put his hand on the console. It slid open and Ymir stepped inside and I followed, just a pace behind. 

I found myself in a meeting room. 

There was a large wooden table in the center. Raj was seated at the far end, a testy expression on his face, hands steepled in front of him. 

Just inside the door stood a Neimoidian aide who bowed and left the room without a word. 

“So is this a meeting or am I being detained?” Raj asked, disdain dripping from his voice. 

The man was just as handsome as I remembered. He was wearing a beige and gray linen suit with a blue tie at his throat. It brought out the blue in his eyes - piercing as he stared at us. 

“We haven’t heard from you since our last round of negotiations,” Ymir said, taking a seat on the opposite end of the table, “When I saw that you were attending this event with Duke Herzog, it felt like the perfect opportunity for us to have a conversation.”

I took the chair to Ymir’s right. 

“I’m alone in a meeting room with two armed Sith. This doesn’t feel like a conversation to me,” Raj said, maintaining an accusatory tone, “I know what you did to Prime Minister Tafo.”

Ymir indulged in a smile, he knew his very presence was a threat, “I just want to know when our deal will be finalized.”

I wondered if this meeting would become violent. It would be nothing for Ymir to choke him or use his lightsaber. 

“The plan you are proposing will completely change the structure - the very existence - of my company,” Raj said, refusing to be intimidated, “I need time to weigh the risks against your offer.”

“The sum and benefits are more than generous,” Ymir said keeping his tone direct and calm. 

“You forget that I’m in the game of business, not war,” Raj snapped, “If I give my company over to the First Order and you are waylaid by the New Republic, or even the Resistance, where does that leave me?”

It would leave him sitting comfortably on top of a mountain of credits. Raj was very well insulated from war. 

I kept my mouth shut. 

“Then, hopefully your presence at our council meeting assuaged those doubts,” Ymir countered, “The New Republic is voting to demilitarize. Where does that leave you?”

Raj stood, pushing away from the table. 

“You’ll get the same answer I gave the Superior General,” he said, “I need time to decide what is best for my company. I’ll contact you when I reach a final decision.”

He stared at Ymir, fingertips on the wood, “Am I free to go?”

I could feel Ymir’s anger, ready to boil over. He kept his emotions contained, just beneath the surface. 

I didn’t know what was about to happen. The air was thick with tension. If Ymir was going to kill Rajendra, he wouldn’t need my help. 

“You can leave at any time,” Ymir finally said. 

Raj strode towards the exit, the air crackled as he passed by Ymir, seated at the end of the table. 

He had called Ymir’s bluff. He wasn’t going to hurt or kill the head of a corporation, not one he needed to make a deal with. 

“I don’t like being strong-armed,” Raj said from the doorway, “But I have to admit, it was nice to see your new follower again.”

His eyes traveled across my body. I made a wicked, curling smile and spat. 

Raj smiled in return and disappeared into the hallway. 

Ymir’s fists were clenched at his side. 

**V**

He didn’t say a word to me as we made our way out of the building. 

We strode down the red carpet, the stone lot stretching out empty and flat around us. 

There was a transport shuttle waiting. 

I followed Ymir aboard and took a seat on the bench while he took a heavy seat in a chair. 

“I’m going to make a call to Snoke. We’ll be leaving for my estate as soon as we return to the ship,” Ymir said, his anger making his voice dark. 

I nodded. 

We were lifting off, and I looked out the window watching the city shrink beneath us. 

Ymir was punching a code into the console next to his chair. 

“Lord Ymir,” I heard Snoke’s voice, “I’m surprised you’re calling after the council meeting. What do I need to know?”

I turned to look at the back of Snoke’s head, displayed in the holofeed. 

Ymir was sprawled in the chair, lips pressed together in irritation, “We had a special guest at the council meeting. Duke Herzog brought Raj with him.”

“That’s unexpected. I didn’t hear anything about that plan,” Snoke said. 

“I don’t think it was planned. I think Raj convinced him at the last second. He’s trying to toy with us,” Ymir said. “Siobhan is here,” he added. 

Snoke’s large holographic face swung around the room and landed on me. I gave him a very direct look. 

He didn’t say a word to me or react in any way. His head swung back around to Ymir, “So tell me what happened. Did he speak at the council meeting?”

Ymir shook his head, “My guess is that he was trying to go unnoticed. Siobhan and Ekene spotted him in the hallway as they were taking their seats. That’s the only reason I knew he was in attendance, Frome couldn’t find him on any of the lists.”

“Our security just let him in?” Snoke said in angry disbelief. 

“He was a personal guest of the Duke. They must have said something to our security or their attendant,” Ymir replied, “I had Ekene arrange the meeting. Siobhan attended with me. Raj just wasted my time with veiled accusations and deflections. I was sorely tempted to use a mind trick on him.”

I had never seen this side of Ymir, angry and sarcastic. 

“So there isn’t any progress?” Snoke said. 

“I’m almost entirely out of patience with the man,” Ymir snapped, “If him and his team weren’t the best, I wouldn’t be willing to put up with this.”

“The trouble is that he knows it,” Snoke replied, “I’ll talk with Duke Herzog. He knows about our negotiations and shouldn’t have allowed Rajendra in without our knowledge. If I find out he snuck him in knowingly we can work out the consequences.”

“I’m going to contact his board and impose a timeline. If we don’t get him, then we don’t get him,” Ymir said.

Snoke paused, watching Ymir carefully. “Are you travelling to your estate?” he asked. 

“Yes. We should be arriving in less than six hours.”

“We’ll make the call together then,” Snoke said, “I’ll take care of the Duke. Contact me when you arrive.”

Snoke’s face disappeared. 

Ymir sat in his chair, not speaking, eyes intensely focused on nothing as he thought. 

My mind was churning over all the new information. 

Raj had been actively disrespectful to Ymir. He understood the power he had and how to use it. He knew Ymir from when they were young, before he joined the Empire, before he became a Sith. 

I understood that Raj’s interest in me wasn’t surface level. If I connected with him, he would want to use me for something, just as I wanted to use him. 

***

When we returned to the Star Destroyer our things had been packed, and Ekene was already onboard the Centurion. We headed right to Ymir’s ship. 

He asked me to join him in the cockpit. 

I sank into the copilot’s seat. Ymir began to talk while he ran his hands over the controls, readying the ship to leave the hangar. 

“Do you understand why I allowed Raj to leave, rather than forcing him to make an agreement with me?” he asked. There was the familiar lecturing tone in his voice. I was going to be here for a while. 

“You can’t complete the deal if he’s dead,” I replied. 

Ymir made a sharp bitter laugh at my response. 

“Juall Corp has the best team of engineers in the Galaxy. They will be able to create everything we need for the Starkiller Base. He knows that. It gives him all the power in these negotiations, and I’ve let it get the best of me.”

I looked over at Ymir, surprised that he was letting me see this vulnerability. 

He cleared us for departure with the bridge. We cruised out of the hangar, gliding into open space.  
“We need the corporation and business syndicates under our banner, but they are very distrustful of us,” Ymir continued, “The Empire was a failure, and the Galaxy has been in a civil war ever since. The Sith have a terrible reputation.”

I was giving Ymir a look. His bluntness was refreshing. 

“Not in the way you’re imagining,” he said, “Emperor Palpatine and Darth Vader have been written off as fanatics, mystics. The corporate leaders already feel they are taking a risk with Starkiller Base. They fear that this could be another misguided plan by a shadowy cabal. The Superior General and I are doing everything in our power to convince them otherwise.”

“So you’re showering them with money and privileges,” I said. 

Ymir nodded, “We have to establish trust, which also means holding back our true power. Raj took advantage of that today.”

“He reminds me of Matthias Krull, one of the heads of the Smuggler’s Alliance,” I said, deciding to open up, “That man walks around thinking he’s smarter than everyone else. The other leaders don’t like him, but he runs a strong crew so they can’t do much about it.”

Ymir gave me a commiserating look, glad that I understood. 

“You’re dismissed for the remainder of the day,” he said, “We’ll resume our training schedule tomorrow.”

**VI**

I hung around in the sitting room for the trip in hyperspace. I didn’t see Ekene or Ymir until we landed. 

When we arrived, Ymir took us into the hangar instead of the landing pad next to his house. 

I took the opportunity to check Rosie’s comms again. 

I dug around in the panel, plugging my stolen equipment into the console. 

My fingers trembled with anticipation as I pulled up the feed. 

There was a message.

It was from Vin. 

Tears sprang over my lower lids, and I wiped them away as I read the short reply: Shore Leave, I didn’t think I’d ever talk to you again. We can meet. Give me the time and place.

I typed up my reply: It was touch-and-go for a while. I’m on a job. I’ll give you the time and place when I’m done.

I punched the air with my fist when I sent it. I knew he would pull through for me. 

I walked back to the house with a bounce in my step. 

His message confirmed that he knew I should be dead. There was still the risk that he would talk with the Resistance, or that he had already talked. I trusted that he understood that sometimes people needed to stay under the radar. 

Now all I had to do was wait until my next assignment, and I could figure out a way to make a detour. 

When I returned to the house, Tasha was waiting for me. 

“Lord Ymir has requested that you come to his office,” she said. 

I thought I was dismissed for the day. 

***

When I arrived, there was an electric tension in the air. 

Ekene was at the table on the far side of the room with two holofeed windows pulled up in front of him. Ymir was leaning forward, over his shoulder. There was a service droid at work typing on a tablet, and another attendant working on the opposite end of the table. 

“You haven’t apprehended anyone?” I heard Ekene ask. 

Ymir stood and turned to me walking over to the sofa.

“There’s been a turn of events,” he said, motioning for me to join him. 

“What happened?” I asked as I walked over. 

At the table, Ekene was asking questions and I heard responding voices from the holofeed. 

“Five hours ago, the guerillas on Otomok destroyed a shipment of ore,” Ymir said. 

He took a casual seat on the arm of a nearby sofa. His mood had shifted from the failed meeting with Raj. He was engaged and focused. 

“There was a train moving a shipment of ore from a mine to one of the manufacturing sites on the planet. The guerillas triggered a rockslide just as the shipment left the mine. We’ve just found out that the attack was a distraction. They used the chaos to make off with hundreds of laborers.”

I was impressed. 

“What are you doing about it?” I asked. 

“That’s what we’re working on right now,” Ymir said, “I thought it would be a good idea for you to sit in.”

My mind began to race. This was an opportunity. 

“What do we know about the attack?” I asked.

I remembered the disdainful way Hux had talked about the guerillas. That attitude was why they hadn’t been caught yet. The First Order didn’t respect them, so they weren’t prepared for these events. 

Ymir walked me over to Ekene and the two holofeeds. On one side, I was looking at an officer standing on a bridge, on the other I was looking into a control center. There was an official-looking woman in front of the camera. Behind her, I could see people were scurrying around doing damage control. 

I put a comforting hand on Ekene’s shoulder. He reached up and squeezed. 

“Commander Watts, Lord Ymir’s acolyte, Lin Siniang,” Ekene introduced, “And Madam Ghorbani, she oversees the site where the attack occurred.” 

Ekene twisted around to look at Ymir, “Your Commander plans to carpet bomb the surrounding territory, where we still have active operation.”

I could hear the displeasure in his voice. 

“They must have coordinated this attack with laborers,” I said, making my presence known, “Do we have any leads?”

“We’ve rounded everyone up and put them on watch,” the Commander said. 

“Our foremen have been given license to report anyone they suspect of having ties to the terrorists,” the woman replied. 

“So you’re shutting down production?” I asked. 

“For now,” Ekene said, mouth pursed, “Which I’m sure is precisely what the guerillas want.”

“How many people did they take?” I asked, trying to put all the pieces together. 

“Our records show we have over two hundred laborers unaccounted for,” the woman answered, “We’re still counting the dead.”

“So they scuttled off into the mountains with over two hundred souls?” I asked. 

I felt Ymir’s gaze, watching me carefully as I talked. 

“Our security cameras only go so far. There are thousands of kilometers of tunnels they could have disappeared into.”

It must have taken incredible planning for the guerillas to pull this off. 

“I’m assuming the mineral deposits make it hard to scan for them, right?” I continued. 

“They do,” the Commander replied. 

Ideas were bubbling up in my mind. This was what I was good at. 

“So we don’t want to bother firebombing the surrounding area,” I said, looking to Ekene, “And it’s nearly impossible to track the guerillas through the tunnels and mountains because of the mineral deposits.”

Ekene and the woman were nodding. Ymir was watching me with his arms crossed over his chest. I needed to get to the point. 

“The guerillas just ran off with more than a hundred souls,” I said, “They have to be trying to establish contact with the Resistance.”

“We’re monitoring the comms channels. We don’t have proof of that,” the Commander interjected. 

“I hate to break it to you,” I said, “But I know you aren’t following every frequency in the area. I can do something about this. I can establish contact with them.”

Ymir was skeptical. “Establish contact?” he asked. 

“I could do it,” I replied, “The guerillas aren’t going to make a secondary attack right away. They got what they wanted, and it probably took everything they had to pull this off.”

Ekene was looking up at me, nodding along. 

“Respectfully, Madam, I don’t agree,” the Commander said, “I believe this could be the beginning of a larger, coordinated attack.”

“With what resources?” I asked. I directed my next question at the woman, “Have you noticed theft or anything else suspicious at your other mining sites?” 

“No,” she replied, “We haven’t had any serious trouble in over a cycle.”

I was on a roll. 

“Then this was all they had the capability to do. They’re going to have to lay low for a while. They have hundreds more mouths to feed and hide,” I kept going, “My assumption is that they’re sending out a distress signal. I can establish contact with them and flush them out.”

Ekene was completely on board, turning his head to look up at me as I talked. 

Ymir stepped in, “Lin, I appreciate your confidence and insight, but we need a more formal plan,” he turned his attention to the Commander, “Contact us as soon as the troops and probes have finished their search.”

“Yes, Lord Ymir,” the Commander said. Ymir ended the call with him.

“I want to know more about what she has to say,” Ekene said. 

He had my back.

The woman in the control center watched us from her holofeed. 

“This is what I do,” I said, meeting Ymir’s gaze, “I’ve spent a decade with smugglers and the Resistance. I know how they think. If I can establish contact with the guerillas, I can deliver the entire cell to you.”

Ymir made me wait a beat. Ekene and I stared at him. 

“Sit down with me,” he said. 

We moved across the office to Ymir’s desk. He sat in a chair in front, and motioned for me to take the seat across from him. 

“So what’s this plan you’ve come up with in just five minutes?” he said, resting his hands on his thighs. 

“Well, to be fair, I’ve already heard about the mining colony from you, Ekene, and Hux,” I said, defending myself, “You've all talked about the guerrillas and the problems they're making for you, so I’ve thought about this for more than five minutes.”

That was a lie. I had heard about the problems they had been causing, but I hadn’t spent any time on it. 

Ymir made a thoughtful frown, “All right. I was being less than generous with you. Go on.”

Sweet victory. 

“They can’t have the resources to take care of that many people,” I said, “They have to be trying to coordinate with the Resistance. I know how to find the channels they’re using. I can make them trust me.”

I would be able to do it after I met with Vin. I could reprogram my stolen comms box and have access to the right frequencies. 

“How exactly are you going to do that?” Ymir asked, “What if they’ve already established contact with the Resistance, and that’s what emboldened them to make this attack in the first place?”

I was ready, “Have your people go through your Resistance intel. Otomok is at the ass end of nowhere. I can’t imagine they’re coordinating with a backwater mining colony.”

Ymir was pressing, trying to catch me going in half-cocked, “You’re saying you’ll offer support and you think they’ll give you their coordinates over comms?” 

“No,” I replied easily, “If I can get them to give me their information over the comms I will, but I’m expecting to need to meet them on the ground. I’ll deliver supplies, promise to help. I’ll get them to take me to their base, and we’ll have everything we need to take them down from the inside.”

Ymir eyed me closely, skepticism etched into his face. 

“I thought this was why you wanted me. I know what they’re going through,” I said, not backing down, “They’ll believe me. I can make them think I’m helping them. This problem can be over in just a few days.”

Ymir had his eyes narrowed and lips pursed in thought, “I’m going to sleep on this,” he said, “We’ll talk tomorrow after physical training.”

I nodded. 

I had made my points. 

He would come around. 

***

That night, my thoughts were racing. 

This was the opportunity I needed. Ymir had to go along with my plan. 

It was everything he wanted from me. I was taking initiative. I was using my skill set and offering to knock over a group of rebels that were disrupting production for his fucking Deathstar. 

Ekene liked my idea, that much was clear. 

I’d meet up with Vin. I could start moving around in the Galaxy again. 

Tomorrow couldn’t come soon enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next week, we'll see Siobhan reconnecting with old friends. She's reaching another turning point, choosing to start a mission against a group of freedom fighters on Ekene's mining colony. 
> 
> Stay tuned!
> 
> Thanks for reading and commenting!


	7. Rebel Frequency

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Siobhan has reached a turning point. 
> 
> She's trying to establish herself and regain her independence. 
> 
> She agreed to track down a group of guerrilla fighters, trying to free their people on Otomok. 
> 
> Now she must decide how far she's willing to go, to cement her place within the First Order.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been looking forward to posting this chapter. 
> 
> We'll get to meet Vin Esso and see more of the Galaxy. 
> 
> P.S. there is some sexy stuff happening at the end, and more on the way :)

**I**

I had to work to keep myself patient during morning meditation. My thoughts kept exploring potentials. I wanted to get this mission to Otomok. I wanted to reconnect with Vin, with my old life.

Afterward, Ymir didn’t say anything to me about the assignment, so I didn’t ask. 

Ekene and I were on our own for physical training. 

“I like your idea, Siobhan,” he said during a break, “Lord Ymir should give you the go-ahead when you meet.”

“Thanks,” I said, taking a deep gulp of water, “I don’t think it’ll be that hard. The First Order don’t know what to do when they can’t just bomb the shit out of an enemy.”

***

The meeting with Ymir was more formal. 

He was behind his large wooden desk. I sat in one of the chairs on the other side. 

“I’m not used to you taking the initiative,” he began, forearms resting on the table.

It was a jab, but it was true. 

I didn’t react. 

“I thought about what you said, and your plan makes sense, given our limitations.” Ymir leaned forward, “I do have some questions for you.”

That was expected. “Alright,” I said, my hands on the armrests. 

“I’ve spoken with our intelligence specialists and we can’t find any evidence that the guerillas are sending signals beyond the planet. All we’ve come across is crudely encrypted messages on shortwave transmissions. Why do you believe they’re trying to contact the Resistance?”

I was ready.

“Like I said before,” I began, “The First Order isn’t that great at tracking underground transmissions, so I’m not surprised they haven’t found anything. The guerillas just pulled off their most destructive attack to date, and made off with more than a hundred people. They need help. They have to be sending out a distress signal, at the very least.”

“And how, exactly, do you plan on establishing contact with them?”

“I figured I’d do it the old fashioned way - scan the channels near that system. I should be able to track them down in forty or fifty hours. If I get really unlucky, it might take me upwards of seventy… including my time in hyperspace.”

Ymir was looking at me carefully. 

“It’s grunt work, but I’ve done it before,” I said, “Back when I was smuggling, we had to monitor rival channels and track shipping communications. You just hunker down and listen until you find the information.”

With updated comms arrays I’d only need a day or two to find the transmission, the extra time would give me a chance to meet with Vin. 

“I need you to record the conversation when you make contact,” Ymir said. 

“Yeah, no problem.”

“This is our file on the guerillas,” Ymir said, passing me a chip, “Our information is limited, but we do have some intelligence on known members. We’ve done analysis on their previous raids. They’ve never pulled off something so sophisticated before.”

I took the chip.

“When will you be ready?” he asked. 

“Right now?” I said, “First thing tomorrow?”

“Take the afternoon to prepare. You can leave this evening.” He paused, considering me. “I’m putting a significant amount of trust in you, Siobhan. It is imperative that you are successful. We are about to have a state event to announce the construction of Starkiller Base. As my acolyte, you represent me. Do you understand?”

“I do,” I said firmly, “I know I can track them down.” 

***

After the meeting with Ymir, a service droid piloted me to the hangar in a covered speeder. 

I ran aboard, grabbing my toolbox from the cargo bay. 

I opened the comms panel, hooked the second box up to the console, and typed up a line to Vin: [I can meet you in fourteen hours. Meet me at Lucille’s. Come alone, and I’ll answer your questions.]

It was going to be a risky trip. D’Quar was a major hub for the Resistance. 

Lucille’s was far away, near the civilian shipping yards. It was a dive - a waystation for the worst mercenaries and criminals. I wouldn’t be recognized, and I knew there wouldn’t be Resistance soldiers there. 

I couldn’t wait to see a familiar face. 

**II**

Within hours I was aboard Rosie again, with a fresh kit bag packed by Tasha. 

I cranked up my music as I lifted up through the atmosphere. I breathed a sigh of relief as I travelled into open space. 

Before jumping to hyperspace, I hooked up my secondary comms. 

Vin had sent me a simple confirmation. He would be at Lucille’s. 

I began to work on new hyperspace coordinates. I was going to make another stop before D’Qar. 

I pushed the lever, adding fuel to the hyperdrive, and the stars stretched out in front of me. 

***

D’Qar was twelve hours away from Kotrea, at the border of the Inner and Outer Rim. 

My first stop would be a little, nowhere planet, a fuel depot at the halfway mark. 

I retrieved the baggie of Blue from my hidden panel, cut a small line on the side of my bunk, and got to work. 

If there was a tracking device on my ship, I needed to find it before I met with Vin. 

I couldn’t risk letting my guard down. 

I hadn’t managed to find a tracking device when I had my mission against the Stardogs, but that didn’t mean one hadn’t been installed.

With this trip, Ymir had even more of a reason to bug my ship. 

The work moved quickly. I left my music cranked up, singing along and drumming my fingers on the panels. I was becoming more familiar with Rosie and the stimulant gave me unwavering focus. I still couldn’t find anything, though.

I tried to seek out the tracking device using my awareness. I _scanned_ across the ship, searching for something, anything, that didn’t belong. Nothing seemed out of place, but there was no way to tell if it was an effective strategy. 

When I arrived at the fueling station I topped Rosie off, then took her around to the maintenance lot. 

There were about a dozen ships with their pilots and crews. The men who had nothing to do were sitting out on crates, drinking and playing card games, trading gossip. 

Ordinarily, I would make the rounds, trying to catch up on the news, but I couldn’t afford to waste time. 

With my tool box out and a lightstick in hand, I did a thorough check of Rosie’s exterior. First were the landing gear wells, a classic spot to put a tracker. I walked along the top, checking inside panels. I looked inside the wells for my laser cannons. I checked inside the engines once they had cooled off. 

I came up empty-handed again. It would have been more relieving to find a tracker. I was worried that I had missed something. 

With doubt nagging at me, I closed the panels and warmed the engines up for the final leg of the trip. 

***

It was another six hours in hyperspace until I arrived. 

I spent my time in the cockpit, thinking through possibilities. 

This trip to D’Qar wasn’t the best idea. The planet was home to a large Resistance base. General Organa was the official commanding officer, although she was usually away on other Resistance business. 

I planned to use the Force to see if Vin had an ulterior motive for this meeting, to feel him out in case he was coordinating with the Resistance. 

The good news was that if the Resistance found out I was alive, they wouldn’t immediately assume I was working for the First Order. I felt confident that I could convince them I’d gone back to smuggling, just skating along like I always did. My reputation was pretty bad. I was always getting reamed by my commanding officer, always broke. 

It would be much harder for them to believe that I had survived the Vangelis crash, been taken in by Lord Ymir, and was training as a Sith acolyte. 

**III**

In the final minutes of hyperspace, I moved the First Order chip into the ceiling panel, near the baggie with blue powder. 

My clothes were boring, plain utility stuff. I had my short-range blaster on my thigh. 

I could have worn a cloak and hood, but in my experience, those made it far more obvious that a person was trying to hide. Looking plain would be my disguise. I was just like any other smuggler or mercenary. Nothing special. 

I went back and forth on bringing my lightsabers. I wanted to take them sealed away in their canisters, like I had done at Grimjack’s. 

But Vin was observant.He had always called me out on a lie. I didn’t want to get backed into a corner if he noticed something out of place. 

Still, I felt naked without them and I didn’t want to leave them on my ship. 

I decided to go with the canisters.

When I had done a thorough check of my appearance and my ship, I settled into the cockpit to bring her out of hyperspace. 

I found myself looking directly at D’Qar. I thought that I’d never see her again. 

She was a gorgeous planet, covered in forests and lakes, incredibly hospitable. I was more grateful for that now. 

There wasn’t too much traffic to navigate.

I turned my comms to the local frequencies as I approached. 

Lucille’s was one town over from where Vin lived. The bar sat near the ship yards, hundreds of kilometers away from the Resistance base. 

The next decision I had to make was where I wanted to park my ship. I could take Rosie to the edge of town, find a hidden away corner, and take my speeder to the bar. That would give me anonymity, but the goal of my meeting was for Vin to help me update my comms and signatures. 

If everything went well, I’d be taking my ship to his house. Even if things didn’t go well, it would be easier to have Rosie nearby if I needed to make a quick getaway.

I took her down to one of the nearby lots, gave one of the attendants a coin, and walked a couple of blocks to the bar. 

I had my awareness extended from the moment I touched the ground, wanting to get ahead of any trouble that might be waiting. 

My blaster was ready on my thigh. I had money stashed in my jacket and pants. It would have to be enough. 

***

Lucille’s was not like Grimjack’s. It was a small, dark, dirty place. The entire bar was just one big room. 

I felt Vin immediately, then I spotted him at a table near the back. He looked up at me and we had a moment of eye contact before I went to the bar for a drink. 

I couldn’t sense anything to be worried about. 

I ordered two shots and a beer, and carefully walked them over to his table. 

Vin was studying me, my clothes, my walk, the scar over my left eye. 

“How long did I make you wait?” I asked, putting the shot in front of him and taking my seat. 

“Almost two cycles,” he replied, not missing a beat. 

I laughed. Vin always made me feel at home. 

His face was round, with lines around his mouth and eyes. He had a mop of curly hair, shot through with strands of silver, and a beard to match. There was a consistent sparkle in his brown eyes, like he was in on some grand joke. 

We touched our shot glasses together, downing the cheap alcohol in one gulp. 

“I didn’t know what to think when I got your message,” Vin said, plunking the shot glass down on the table, “Gromm told me about the Vangelis.”

We were going to get right into it then. With my awareness extended, I didn’t feel that Vin was setting a trap.

I nodded, my expression more serious, “I was in the engine room when we were shot down. I was the only survivor.”

Vin was watching me carefully. I was a ghost. I was back from the dead. He saw the scar on my face. I was going to let him make up the story about how it happened. 

After a moment, he reached out a hand, wide and calloused, placing it over mine. 

“It’s good to see you. I’m glad you’re alive.”

“I missed you and Priya,” I said, finding myself fighting back tears, “How’s she doing?”

“Same as always, the kids keep finding new ways to drive us crazy,” he said with a smile, then he grew more serious, “She was real torn up when she heard the news.”

I made an apologetic smile. I didn’t want to think about that. I wanted to know how Gromm was doing, but I couldn’t bear to ask. 

Vin put his elbow on the table, his expression becoming more business-like, “So. I’m going to need you to be clear with your intentions.”

He knew the kind of person I was. 

He continued, “I haven’t said a word about this meeting to anyone, including Priya. I know you didn’t come here just because you miss me.”

This was why I wanted Vin in my corner. 

“That’s right,” I confirmed, “Although you might be surprised to find out just how much I’ve missed you.”

Vin hid his smile by taking a gulp of beer. 

“I have a new employer,” I continued, “I’m reestablishing myself. I need to fix up a comms box and get fresh signature codes. You’re the best in the business as far as I’m concerned.”

“Now, this is an interesting turn. You’re offering me a job?” his eyes were twinkling, “What’s the pay?”

“One hundred credits,” I said without hesitation, “And I might need to buy some supplies from you to finish this job.”

The pay was more than enough. I wasn’t just buying his expertise. I was buying his silence. 

He understood that. Vin took a slow pull from his glass. 

“Do I get to find out who this new employer is?” he asked. 

I smiled and shook my head, “Nope.”

The First Order wouldn’t be his first guess. He didn’t know anything about my past. Ahobri was the only person I had ever told about my plan to track down Ymir. His assumption would be a gig with one of the larger cartels. Secrecy was power. 

I couldn’t imagine how he’d react if he knew the truth, that I was working directly under Ymir, that I was being trained as a Sith. 

“Alright,” he said, after a moment of thought, “I’ll take the job and see how I feel about future business. Do you need a ride to my place?” he asked, a teasing glint in his eye. 

“I’m all grown up. I have a ship of my own now,” I replied with a grin. 

“Can I warn Priya before we arrive? She’ll give me hell if I just show up with you.”

“Of course,” I said, “Just make sure she knows I don’t want the word getting out.”

Vin finished his beer in one long draught and put the glass on the table. He offered me his hand to shake, “Take the landing pad in the backyard. I’ll see you there.”

He left first. I waited a few minutes before heading out the door. 

***

This was going to be the most dangerous part of the trip. 

Vin’s home was closer to the base, less than fifty kilometers. He was on the outskirts of town. It gave him just enough privacy to run his smuggling business. 

I couldn’t sense that he was going to try to pull something, but I wouldn’t fully relax until we were done. 

Inside Rosie, I decided to unpack my lightsabers and hide them in the ceiling panel of the bathing closet. 

I had never flown myself to Vin’s house before. With my music cranked up, drumming my thumbs on the steering column and the dash, I enjoyed it.

Vin had a nice set-up. He and Priya had built the home themselves. It was modest, five rooms total. They had lived in it for more than a decade. It was surrounded by trees, with two large gardens for food. 

Vin did his work out back. There was a shed with a hidden bunker for his comms arrays. 

The landing pad was just a patch of dirt, a few dozen meters from the house. 

Vin was outside, the kids were playing in the shade. 

Priya rushed out as she heard my engines, already wiping at her eyes with her sleeves. 

I came down the cargo ramp, steeling myself for the onslaught. 

Priya was short and round, just like her husband. What she lacked in size she made up for in ferocity and volume. 

The first thing she did was wrap me in a hug so tight it was hard to breathe. 

“Siobhan! I can’t believe you did this to us! We heard you were dead!”

“They did their best,” I replied, squeezing her in return. 

She took a step back, gazing at me from head to feet. I now had the attention of the kids. They dropped their toys and came over to see what the big deal was. 

“You look different,” the girl said as she came to her mother’s side, clutching at her skirts. 

“Hush Aarohi!” Priya scolded. 

“Were you in a fight?” the boy, Kehu, asked. 

“I was in a big fight,” I told him. 

“Were you scared?” he asked. 

I nodded, “Yeah, I was really scared,” I answered honestly. 

Kehu gave me a serious nod. 

Vin was giving me a knowing, fatherly look, “Kids, go and play inside for a bit. We need to have adult conversations.”

“Will you play with us when you’re done?” Aarohi asked. 

I smiled at her, “Yeah, I’ll come play with you.”

“Okay!” she yelled, grabbing her brother’s hand. 

They ran inside, closing the door. 

“Those kids are so fuckin’ sweet,” I said. 

“They’re somethin’,” Vin said with a wry smile. 

Priya was wiping at her eyes again, “I’m just so glad you’re alright, Siobhan. We heard the news a few weeks after you left.”

I put a hand on her shoulder, “I missed you. Both of you.”

Vin put his hands on his hips, hitching up his pants, “We should get to it,” he said, moving the conversation on, “You said you needed me to work on your comms and signature codes?”

“That’s right,” I told him, “Is it easier to get it done aboard my ship? Or should I bring them to the workshop?”

“That depends,” Vin said, “What do you need done?”

Priya lifted onto her tiptoes and kissed her husband on the cheek, “I’ll wait until you’re done with work. Siobhan, stay for lunch, alright?”

“You don’t have to ask me twice,” I said. 

Priya headed into the house. 

“I’m looking to get all the bells and whistles,” I told Vin, beginning to walk towards Rosie, “I want to be a one-person smuggling crew.”

“On that ship?” Vin said as we approached her, “I think what you’re paying me is more than what that bird is worth.”

I grinned, patting the landing gear, “She keeps a low profile. I named her Rosie.” I lowered the cargo ramp and we stepped aboard. 

This was actually nerve-wracking. Vin would be able to spot the smallest detail out of place. 

I picked up my toolkit from the cargo bay and we headed up to the cockpit together. 

“My new comms box doesn’t have a signature, so I need to get that reprogrammed,” I said, kneeling under the console to get at the secondary box. 

I removed the wall panel and began digging around in the wiring. 

This was exactly what Vin would expect to see. I showed up in a rundown ship and was on the floor pawing through her insides to get at my comms.

“Could you pass me the screwdriver?” I asked. 

“Sure thing,” Vin said. 

“I want to set her up to be able to scan as many frequencies as possible,” I said while I unhooked the array, “and I want to be able to encrypt messages.”

“And what signatures are you looking for?” Vin asked, taking the comms box as I passed it over.

“I have a pretty nice range. I have a merchant ship signature, and a generic smuggling one,” I said as I finished removing the second box, “I was hoping you could make a unique Resistance signature.”

I emerged from the interior panel with the transmission box in hand. 

“We should be able to get this done in an hour,” Vin said. 

“Great. Let’s start.”

Vin’s command station was in the bunker underneath his shed. 

The space was dark and cramped. An entire wall was devoted to comms arrays and consoles. Vin had dozens of boxes, all tuned into different frequencies. He could listen clear across the Galaxy and transmit a message with layers of disguise and encryption. It was similar to what Ymir used for his political conversations, just with less-fancy engineering. 

I had never spent much time in here. Usually our jobs were arranged in the bar and I would meet up with whoever was going to be my pilot. Vin was smart. He never brought cargo onto his property. Shipments were delivered and transported from caches he had scattered around the surrounding area. 

Vin got his tools and equipment ready on his workstation. I began by taking the cases off of the two boxes. As we worked, I caught up on the news. 

It hadn’t even been two cycles since I had disappeared. In that time, my life had completely changed. Here, things weren’t much different. Business was good. Vin had a couple new smugglers on the team; a scrappy little Yuzum that was proving to be very reliable, and a Kuboz that had arrived fresh from a smuggling outfit on Rishi. 

He gave me small updates from the base. General Organa had come by some weeks ago, so everyone had been nervous and excited. Things had been pretty quiet in this Sector. The First Order had been making some new moves elsewhere, but it wasn’t affecting his business. 

As he worked, he installed equipment on my comms box to catch a wider range of frequencies. I also got an encryption array. The signature codes took him less than fifteen minutes. I already had most of what I needed. 

This part made me nervous. If he wanted to, Vin could analyze the installed signatures, and that could connect me with the Stardogs. I didn’t notice anything concerning as he programmed a Resistance signature on the machine. 

We were done. 

I took out a pouch of currency, paying him in a mix of flan, wupiupi, and some precious metal chips I had won at Grimjack’s. 

“You know Priya isn’t going to let you leave without feeding you,” Vin said as he put the cases back on the arrays. 

I grinned, “I wouldn’t dream of disappointing her.”

I took the boxes from Vin and left them in the copilot’s chair before returning to the house. 

Immediately, I was greeted by the smell of spices and cooking meat. 

“Perfect timing!” Priya announced from the kitchen, “Vin, I need your help with the vegetables!”

“Duty calls,” Vin said with a wink. 

The twins were playing on the floor outside the kitchen. They had a collection of little wooden and metal toys, trains, soldiers, and fighter jets. 

Aarohi had a wooden X-wing in her hand and was making engine noises as she swooped it through the air. 

Kehu had a TIE fighter in fast pursuit making laser sounds. “I’ve got you! I’ve got you! Pew pew pew!” he yelled

Aarohi screamed as her brother dive bombed her. 

“I’ll help you!” I said, scooping her up by her armpits and twirling her around. 

Both of the kids were laughing and Kehu and followed me, jumping up in the air making more laser sounds. 

Priya stepped into the doorway to see what all the commotion was about. 

“Are you playing nice for Auntie Zhang?” she said. 

“Yes, Ma,” they said automatically. 

When the kids were done with the fighters, they started showing off the trains. Vin had carved different cars and wooden tracks for them to zoom around on. 

I sat on the floor while Kehu and Aarohi excitedly talked over each other about the trains and the circuit they were building. They argued and interrupted each other, fighting for my attention. 

Me and my brother were the exact same way when we were young. 

A few minutes later, Priya was calling for the kids to set the table, then we were sitting down to eat. There were several large serving bowls and we passed them around, taking what we wanted. 

A meal at Priya’s was a real treat. She had made fried bread, vegetables in a thick, spicy sauce, and slow-roasted meat. There were little plates of pickles and chili oil to add to the food. 

I had missed this so much. I had seconds of everything. 

The conversation at the table was light. Vin was leaving after lunch to meet up with some of his crew that were returning with a shipment. Priya was taking the kids with her to Temple for evening services. 

Vin needed to get on with his day. He was ready to leave right after lunch, throwing on his jacket and lacing up his boots by the door. “You can stay here as long as you like,” he said. 

“Thanks. I’ll help Priya clean up, then I’m going to head out. I’ll contact you if I need supplies,” I said. 

“That sounds good,” Vin said, and pulled me in for a hug, “Stay out of trouble, okay?”

“I’ll do my best,” I said. 

Vin ducked into the kitchen, giving his wife a last kiss on the cheek as she was doing the dishes. 

“Go work,” she said with mock annoyance, “I’ll see you tonight.”

“Love you,” he said, leaving through the side door. 

When I had first started working for Vin, I thought he was cheating on her. I figured he was making a big show to keep her off his back. It took me more than a cycle for me to realize they were being genuine. Vin and Priya loved each other, and their kids. Home and family was everything to them. 

I had wondered if my mother and father had been the same, before they went into hiding. 

Just outside the kitchen Aarohi and Kehu were back at their toy train, making engine sounds and arguing over how to lay the tracks. 

I joined in with Priya on the dishes, taking over the washing station. Without thinking, I rolled up my sleeves and dunked my arms into the soapy water. 

Priya looked at me with shock in her large dark eyes. 

“What?” I asked. Then I remembered the scars and tattoos on my forearm. 

“Siobhan...what happened?” 

I grimaced and shrugged, “I don’t really want to talk about it,” I said, passing her a clean dish. 

She took it from me, towel in hand, to dry it. She was giving me a look of frustration and concern. “Vin said no one is supposed to know you’re still alive.”

Priya was not going to let me off easy. 

A few folks in Vin’s crew just called her Mom. She made sure we stayed fed, talked to us when we were going through shit, and gave us hell when she knew we were partying too much. 

Now I couldn’t talk to her. 

“That’s right,” I said, scrubbing a heavy ceramic bowl, “When I got shot down on the Vangelis I had to go through some pretty bad stuff. It’s better if people think I’m dead.”

I handed her another clean dish. 

Priya watched me carefully with her piercing black eyes, “You know you always have a home here if you need it.”

It took everything I had not to cry. 

“Thanks Priya. I know.”

We finished up with the dishes and I got ready to leave. 

The kids were curious about the ship so I gave them a tour, letting them sit in the cockpit and press buttons while everything was turned off. 

“Are you going to do a job for Dad?” Kehu asked. 

“Not today,” I said. 

“Are you coming back?” Aarohi asked. 

“I hope so,” I told her. 

I walked the kids out through the cargo bay and passed them over to Priya. She gave me a final hug and a kiss on the cheek before heading into the house. 

There was a heaviness in my heart as I lifted off. 

I had thought I wanted familiarity, but it was just making me realize how much had changed.

I took Rosie up through the atmosphere and into open space. 

I was about to track down a group of miners that only wanted to escape the grip of the First Order. 

Vin wouldn’t forgive me if he found out about it. 

Priya had looked at me with so much sympathy, seeing the scars and tattoos, but how would she react if she knew I had just been to a council meeting, standing proudly next to Ymir?

Frowning to myself, I began to work on hyperspace coordinates, my mind churning with other thoughts.

I had money now. I had power now. 

I was able to bring work to Vin, paying him double for the job. 

It wasn’t like I was loyal to the First Order. My goal was to kill Ymir. I wasn’t going to manage it while living at his house. So I needed to set myself up independently, and for that I needed him to trust me. 

Knocking over these freedom fighters would get me one step closer to that goal. It would endear me to Ekene. This was exactly what Ymir wanted to see. I was taking initiative, and carrying out a mission against people standing in the way of his new Death Star plans. 

This was just like retrieving the rancor skull from the burial ground. I didn’t want to do it, but I knew it would help me on my path. 

“What kind of Sith are you going to become?” His words echoed in my mind as I pushed my ship into hyperspace. 

**IV**

I cracked open a beer and reinstalled the comms and signature array while I travelled, my music blaring in the background. 

When I was done, I decided to catch some shut-eye for a few hours. Once I arrived in the Sector, I was going to need to stay awake and alert as I scanned the frequencies. 

I woke up when the console sounded the half hour alarm, and I trudged into the bathing closet. I reached into the ceiling panel and took out my little baggie of Blue. I cut a line out before washing off.

This was my first time bathing on my new ship. A gentle mist came out of a series of nozzles in the wall and I rubbed myself down with a sanitizing cloth. Afterwards, I pulled on clean clothes, a fresh pair of leggings, a pullover, and socks. 

I wanted to feel as fresh as possible. 

It was going to be a long fucking day. 

***

I brought Rosie out of hyperspace and cut the engines, setting her on a course to slowly coast along the border of the Otomok system. 

With my secondary comms engaged, I set a program on the console to cycle through channels on a three-minute timer. I put my ship on a Resistance signature. 

This was another risky move. I could catch some negative attention as I waved that flag, but I didn’t know what kind of technology the guerillas on Otomok would have. I needed my story to completely match. 

My First Order chip sat in the corner of my console in case I ran into a stray security detail. 

I settled into my chair and began to listen. 

I started with the underground channels first, and kept my encryption device running. That would be my best bet. The guerillas were transmitting on a signal that the First Order wasn’t picking up. There was a strong possibility that their message would be encrypted. 

With empty space stretching deep and dark outside the window of my cockpit, I curled up in the captain’s chair and listened to the chatter. 

As the channels switched in three minute intervals, I caught snippets of conversation between local smugglers. I listened to bounty hunters bragging about their last job. Freighter pilots were bullshitting, exchanging dirty jokes, giving each other a hard time. 

It was all run of the mill stuff. 

Three hours passed like this, then six hours. 

I snorted more Blue. I was near the end of my supply. 

I turned up the volume on my comms and did pushups in the hallway to stay awake. 

After ten hours, I had a snack and brought a few beers up to the cockpit. As I finished each beer, I’d levitate it above my palm and _crush_ the can into a flat disc before letting it drop to the floor. 

At fourteen hours I did another line of Blue. 

More time passed. In my boredom I began to get curious. I had jobs where I had been stuck scanning comms channels for upwards of thirty hours. But I wasn’t able to use the Force back then. 

Taking a more upright seat in my chair, I began to _reach_ into space around me. I began to _search_ for the freedom fighters. Ymir had used his power to choke a man clear across the Galaxy, maybe I could use that same power to find a group of freedom fighters hiding in the mountains. 

I tried to put myself in their shoes and imagine their experience. They had just pulled off a serious operation. The guerillas had successfully destroyed a shipment of material and liberated hundreds of miners. As I imagined them, I _reached_ for them. 

They were hiding in tunnels, they must be feeling proud, but maybe overwhelmed and scared. There were so many mouths to feed and people to hide. 

What did I know about them? I felt my eyes squeezing tight as I thought. The file told me that they used homemade explosives. They lived in abandoned mining tunnels, coordinating with moles for their food supplies. 

It was a desperate way to live. 

There was another detail that I remembered from Ymir. His people hadn’t found any evidence for offworld communications. All they had ever discovered were encrypted messages on shortwave frequencies. 

The realization hit me. The guerillas weren’t sending an SOS into open space. Their equipment wasn’t good enough, and they wouldn’t want the First Order to intercept the message. They must be transmitting on a local frequency and relying on hope. 

I wasn’t going to find anything scanning through comms channels at the system border. 

I needed to go to Otomok.

**V**

There was fresh energy coursing through me as I brought my engines back online. 

I needed this to look real, so my plan was to keep my Resistance signature on and skim down towards the planet until I established contact. 

The signature would make me stand out like a beacon. It wouldn’t take long for the First Order security patrols to find me. 

I decided to make a small hyperspace jump. It would give me more time. 

I put together the hyperspace coordinates and checked that the First Order comms chip was still sitting on top of the console. If I got into a tight spot, I would use my status. I could fly a ship just fine, but I was not a combat pilot. If a squadron of TIE fighters got on my ass, that would be it. 

I made sure the console was set to record transmissions. 

With everything ready, I punched it into hyperspace. 

***

The trip was eight minutes. 

As soon as I emerged, I began scanning the underground frequencies. 

Otomok was in visual range, clouds sweeping across a gray surface. 

I had my radar engaged on the console and I _reached_ into my surroundings, on high alert for danger, while trying to find the right frequency for the guerillas. 

There was static coming through my comms as I scanned channel after channel. 

I moved closer to the planet, adrenaline flowing through me. 

Static. Static. More static. 

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe they weren’t transmitting an SOS. 

I began to sense a squadron of TIE fighters moving in security formation. They didn’t know I was here. Yet. 

I kept skimming through the channels, moving to the lowest end of my bandwidth. 

There!

I found a crackling distress signal near the bottom of my comms range. This was ancient. No one had used this wavelength since the last war. 

I punched the air with my fist. 

I confirmed that my console was recording before tuning in. “This is Mara with the Resistance. I read your distress signal. Over,” I said. 

The response came through, crackling and indistinct, but I could hear the excitement.

“This is Brennan Tico with the OFF. We hear you, Mara. Over.”

The squadron of TIE fighters was getting closer. At a distant point ahead of me was their Star Destroyer. I didn’t want to move farther away from the planet - there was a chance I’d lose the signal. 

“Brennan, I don’t have much time until the First Order is on my ass,” I said, “The Resistance has heard about your situation. I’m here to establish contact. Do you have a stronger comms line? Over.”

It would be a huge help if I could contact them from further out, over something more direct than a localized frequency. 

“This is the best we got, Mara. Over,” Brennan replied. 

My eyes were glued to my radar. The TIE fighters had just come within range, but they still didn’t seem to see me.

“Understood. I’m about to have a squadron of TIE fighters all over me, so I can’t stick around. We want to help you with supplies on a return trip. What do you need? Over.”

“Everything,” Brennan said without hesitation, “We need medical supplies, food, power generators, weapons - whatever you can bring. Over.”

“For how many souls? Over.”

“We’re three hundred strong in our camp. Over.”

My time was almost up. I noticed the TIE fighters changing course.

“I read you loud and clear, Brennan,” I said with warm authority in my voice, “I’ll carry this news to my superiors and I’ll be back as soon as I can. May the Force be with you!”

“May the Force be with you!” Brennan said, and I thought I might have heard cheering in the background. 

That was it for now. 

I was punching the hyperdrive just as the squadron began to close in. 

As I entered the swirling blue safety of hyperspace, I let out a huge sigh and turned off the recording. 

I had given them hope, the poor bastards. 

**VI**

I re-emerged from hyperspace from the same location I had left, at the border of the system. 

I decided to call Ymir and let him know about my success. 

It was important to keep Vin out of it, so I did a rough calculation of how much time I had spent on this trip so far. It had taken twelve hours to get to D’Qar, I had spent three or four hours with Vin and his family, then another six hours to the neighboring system. It took eighteen hours for me to figure out that I needed to be in closer range of the planet. 

I had told him I might need seventy hours, and I was clocking in around forty. Not bad. 

I switched over the comms system, and switched out my Resistance signature for her original one from the Outer Rim. I put in my First Order chip and called Ymir. 

“Siobhan. Did you establish contact?” he said, his face pulling up on the screen. 

“I just did,” I confirmed, “They were using an ancient distress signal on the lowest possible band. I was almost in the atmosphere before I could pick up their channel.”

“Did you record the conversation?” Ymir asked. 

“You know it,” I said with a toothy grin. 

“Good job, Siobhan. I’ll see you back at my Estate. We’ll be hosting Prime Minister Gaulfarr when you arrive. Expect to meet with me as soon as you land.”

“Sure thing, boss.”

Ymir closed the line. 

***

I spent the return trip drinking, allowing a plan to come together in my mind. 

I kept my music playing in the background, the alcohol and sound allowing my thoughts to gel. 

I replayed the conversation with Brennan over my console a few times. I downloaded the file onto my First Order chip. 

They were trusting. My ship and comms were set on a Resistance signature, but I had no idea what they could see on their end. I had the sense that this was the main camp of freedom fighters. Three hundred souls fit if they had just helped more than one hundred escape. 

The supply request had matched as well. 

So the next step would be a return trip with some gear.

That would be Vin’s next job from me. 

He could get supplies from the Resistance base on D’Qar. Medicine, calorie pouches, power generators. I could get the real thing. 

There was the potential it would make Vin suspicious. I would need to tread carefully and make sure to line his pockets well. 

I drank as I thought through my options, flattening the cans and letting them decorate the cockpit floor. I slowly ate a bag of moco, leaving the crumpled bag in the cupholder. 

There was a creeping heaviness in my heart. 

Brennan had sounded so hopeful. 

They thought I was answering their prayers. They thought someone was going to help them.

I frowned and spat, in my dark and lonely cockpit. 

I went to my cabin to get some shut-eye.

***

The heaviness in my heart seeped into my dreams. 

For the first time since I left Korriban, I dreamed about my father. 

I was on my tauntaun in our grazing pastures. The day was beautiful, the sky was clear and blue, the sun shone down warmly. 

My father called to me from across the field.

I urged the animal forward, over the rolling green pasture and up a steep hill.

My tauntaun’s foot suddenly plunged into red sand. It cried out in fear.

I kicked its flank, urging it to keep moving. The animal struggled, freeing its foot. 

But there was more sand, sticky and pulling beneath us.

The tauntaun began to sink as it struggled uphill. 

“Siobhan! Siobhan, where are you?” I heard my father call from just beyond the ridge. 

The red sand was past my mount’s knees, and I realized that I wasn’t in the grazing pasture but in a vast desert. 

“Help me!” I cried, looking up at the ridge.

“Siobhan! I can’t see you!” I heard my father call. 

My animal was lost, captured in the sand. I leapt off its back and began to run. My legs immediately sank up to my knees. 

I pushed as hard as I could. My lungs burning with effort as I tried to crest the hill. 

The sand was up to my waist now. My legs were completely submerged. 

“I’m sinking!” I screamed. 

“Siobhan! Keep fighting. It’s not much farther!”

Sand was up to my chest. I continued to pump my legs and my arms, but I was stuck. 

“Help me!” 

The sand was above my shoulders now - filling my mouth. I tried to scream, but no sound came out. 

I could hear my father yelling, calling my name.

I was swallowed by red, drowning in it. 

I lurched out of the dream, my heart racing. 

The hyperspace alert was bleating. 

This was the final stage of the alarm - it must have been going for at least fifteen minutes. It was loud, and a light was flashing in my quarters. 

I swung my legs over the side of the bunk, put my feet on the floor, and leaned my forearms on my thighs. 

“Fuck…” I murmured into the empty room. 

With a great big inhale, I heaved myself up. I returned to the cockpit, banging on the console to stop the alarm. 

I wiped my hand down my face, feeling the tremble in my fingers. 

It was just a dream. 

I was awake now. 

None of it had been real. 

I heaved a great sigh, trying to bring my mind back to the present.

When would I be done with Korriban?

***

I took Rosie out of hyperspace and cleared her through security with the First Order chip. A droid directed to the hangar.

Tasha was waiting inside, a covered speeder ready to take me to the house. 

I made one last visual scan before I left the cockpit, making sure I hadn’t left anything out that I didn’t want found. 

The baggie, with one last dose of Blue, was underneath a small pile of empty moco packets. I left the trash, but put the baggie into the ceiling panel and retrieved my lightsabers, still in their canisters. 

I hooked the lightsabers to my belt and glanced at myself in the mirror. I definitely looked like I had been jumping across the Galaxy for the last fifty hours. There were dark circles under my eyes and my hair had mostly escaped its braid. 

I combed out my hair with my fingers, tying it back quickly. I threw my green jacket on top of my pullover, adjusted the wide fur collar, and put my First Order chip in the front pocket. 

That was as good as I was going to get. 

I strode out of the cargo bay with my kitbag over my shoulder. 

Tasha stood in her white and navy uniform, waiting patiently. Today she had wrapped her head tails into a pattern of loops. She looked amazing, but there was no way it was comfortable. 

“Madam,” she greeted. 

“Hey,” I said, not able to muster up anything more polite. 

“We are hosting Prime Minister Gaulfarr and his Cabinet members on the Estate. Lord Ymir asked me to take you to him as soon as you arrived.”

For a moment her eyes flickered across me, taking in my ragged appearance. 

“Lead the way,” I said with a shrug, and followed her into the speeder. 

The Estate was busier than I had ever seen it. I noticed more security. Servants were leading people around the property in groups of two or three. 

The speeder dropped us off at the side entrance. The landing pad was filled by two flashy, diplomatic cruisers. 

Tasha lead me through the house. A servant came to whisk away my kit bag. 

There were rich people I didn’t know in the main hallways. Eyes and heads turned as I strode past them and I fought the urge to grin. A new swagger worked its way into my step as I felt the attention. 

I was Ymir’s new Sith. They didn’t know I had spent the last fifty hours stuck inside a tiny ship, working on machinery and eavesdropping on comms channels. I could be returning from hunting Rebels, or doing some mysterious training in the Force. 

Let them look. Let them whisper. 

We found Ymir at the entrance to one of the indoor gardens. He was standing with a politician I recognized from one of our calls. 

It must be the Prime Minister. He was handsome and tall, with high cheekbones. He was wearing gold and maroon formal robes. There were four more people in the group: two old men - one human, one Quarren - and two young women that I guessed were around my age.

“Lin,” Ymir greeted warmly. “This is my acolyte Lin Siniang. She’s just returned from an assignment, helping to hunt down a group of terrorists on Otomok.”

I shook five different hands. 

The girls were daughters of politicians. 

The Prime Minister’s daughter was aggressively pretty, with tan skin and curly blonde hair. Her eyes were a startling shade of green. I felt her gaze travel along me, from the scar on my face to my messy hair and clothes. I looked dangerous. I was interesting. 

The other girl was a delicate Ghalla, with pale skin and fleshy antennae that bent gracefully towards the back of her head, resting in her straight blue hair. Her eyes flicked up to me as she was introduced, then immediately returned to the floor. 

“I need to conduct my debrief with Lin. Bergen will see to you.”

Ymir and I broke off from the group and moved with purpose down the hallway. I glanced over my shoulder and caught the eye of the blonde watching me walk away. 

“So what’s the occasion?” I asked as I turned back around.

“This is my formal welcome to Prime Minister Gaulfarr,” Ymir said, “The Corellian sector is now a part of the First Order. We’re hosting his cabinet - senior officials and their guests.” 

He glanced down at my informal clothing, “I let you know we were hosting so that you knew to make yourself presentable.”

I shrugged. 

We arrived at the office. Today there was a security droid posted outside. It opened the door for us. 

“Let’s hear the recording first,” Ymir said, not wasting any time.

I handed him the chip from my jacket pocket and he inserted it into the console on his desk. 

“While you were in hyperspace, I received a call from Commander Watts,” Ymir said, “He reported that one of his security details picked up a ship with a Resistance signature over Otomok. It fled into hyperspace before they could engage it.”

“Oh yeah, that was me,” I said. 

Ymir raised an eyebrow, “Why does your ship have a Resistance signature?”

“I programmed it to,” I said easily, “I don’t know what kind of receiver the guerillas are using so I made sure everything matched my story.”

He pulled up the audiofile. The specs appeared in the sidebar.

I pointed at the holoscreen, “I was telling you about this on our call. Look at this transmission. It’s barely more than a local channel, and they were broadcasting an ancient fucking Rebel distress signal. That’s why none of your people noticed it.”

Ymir was leaning forward, looking at the data with narrow eyes, “What were they hoping to achieve with this?” he murmured. 

I wanted to shake my head. They were hiding in abandoned mine tunnels with the First Order looming over them. They were doing the best they could. 

I started the audiofile and Ymir listened as I sold them on the story that I was a Resistance fighter coming in to help. He heard the hope in Brennan’s voice as I promised to return with supplies. 

“May the Force be with you,” Ymir echoed with a sharp grin. He turned to look at me with newfound appreciation, “They believed it. You have them.”

I made a wicked smile in return. 

He couldn’t feel the sinking sensation in my heart. 

“Siobhan, this is excellent work,” he said, “We’ll meet with Ekene and Commander Watts tomorrow to formalize our next steps. Take a break, Tasha will get you ready for our guests.”

**VIII**

Tasha was waiting outside the office to escort me to my room. 

I sighed with relief as the door slid shut behind us and I flopped down on the couch, resting an arm over my eyes. 

“Do I really have to go back out there?” I groaned. 

“You have three hours until the formal dinner. I can leave you for an hour and a half if you wish to sleep,” Tasha said. 

“Can you just tell Ymir that I’m sick?” I moaned, “Or, better, tell him I’m dead and I can’t make it down to charm his politician friends.”

“Let me draw you a bath,” Tasha said. I could hear her trying to tamp down her humor at my whining.

“You’re amazing, have I ever told you that?” I said, lifting my arm off my face.

The bath was elaborate, with oils and flower petals floating in the hot water. As I soaked, Tasha massaged my neck and arms. 

When she was done, I was feeling more like myself. 

Tasha had an elaborate plan for my outfit. In addition to dinner there would be a formal party with dancing. I was getting shown off tonight.

***

I was in a robe, getting my nails done, when Ekene came in. 

He was wearing a beautiful, dark suit with a crisp, white collar and tie. His locs were decorated with gold bands, half pulled up and the other half falling down his shoulders. 

“Siobhan, this was my first chance to get away,” he said, coming in and kissing me on the cheek, “I knew you were right. After Hux’s empty promises, and the rest of those men wringing their hands… You’re the real thing.”

“Thanks,” I said, a grin slowly spreading across my face. 

“Stick with me tonight and I’ll make sure you have a good time with all these stuffed shirts.”

“You’re a lifesaver. I think alcohol is going to be the only thing keeping me afloat.”

“You won’t be the only one,” Ekene said, “Oh, and you should know this. Our good friend Rajendra just signed the agreement today.”

“Congratulations,” I said. 

“So, think of this as our little celebration, okay?” Ekene said, giving me one last kiss on the cheek. 

***

Tasha brought me to Ymir and Ekene in some kind of reception hall. 

I recognized the Prime Minister and the Quarren from earlier, and there were other people I might have passed by earlier. Everyone was dressed in fine robes and gowns. 

I was in my favorite outfit yet. Tasha had made a gorgeous, garnet dress that plunged deeply in the front. There was some clever tailoring to make sure my tits didn’t slip out. The fabric clung to my waist and narrow hips. 

For jewelry I had a wide, gold necklace that arced across my shoulders, and gold bands at my arms and wrists. Tasha had wrapped my hair into an elegant knot at the base of my skull, teasing out strands to frame my face. 

I did not look like I had spent the last fifty hours scanning comms and making hyperspace jumps. 

Ymir gave me an approving look. Ekene put his arm around my waist. A servant came by with a glass of white wine.

We had an hour of socializing in the reception room. I realized there were at least one hundred people here. Ymir had me making the rounds with him and Ekene. 

I entertained the politicians and their families with elaborate stories of hunting pirates and tracking down terrorists. I gave them the highlights, the moments that were the most exciting.

They ate it up. 

Bergen, the head servant, made the dinner announcement. 

Our large group was ushered through a set of double doors into a fabulous banquet hall. 

I had never seen this room before. There were crystal chandeliers overhead, massive paintings on the walls, and the long table was decorated with flowers. 

Ymir was at the head of the table, Ekene to his right. I was on his left, and I found myself seated next to the Prime Minister’s daughter, the pretty blonde from earlier. 

“Aurelia, right?” I said, as the servants helped us into our seats. 

“Yes, Lady,” she replied formally, a flirtatious glint in her eye. She was wearing a gauzy, silver dress, with green gemstones in her necklace, earrings, and bracelets.

“Call me Lin,” I said, a sly smile tugging at my mouth. 

Across from me was the Prime Minister, and next to him was a woman that I assumed was his wife. She had the kind of grim, calculated prettiness of an older woman trying to keep her husband’s attention. 

Servants were pouring us wine. 

At the head of the table, Ymir stood. “I want to extend a formal welcome to my home and to the First Order,” he began, his glass raised in a toast. 

As he made his speech and I found my mind wandering. 

The past few days were catching up to me. 

I felt disconnected. 

I looked out over the sea of rich politicians, their wives and children. These weren’t my people. I had felt so at home with Vin and Priya, but I didn’t belong to that world anymore either.

Eventually Ymir finished his toast, and we raised our glasses to the First Order. 

Food was served. The servants made sure our glasses stayed full.

The blonde could not be more excited to sit next to me. 

“I heard you just returned from a mission,” she said, “Were you with Kylo Ren, fighting Rebels?”

“Not this time,” I said with aloof confidence, “I was on a solo mission.”

“That sounds dangerous.” 

“It was.”

I knew her type. She was sheltered, tucked away from the world. I was a novelty for her, someone who shook things up in her safe, little life. 

We got her type at the brothel every now and then - young heiresses, and unknown noblewomen who had wealth and status and a keen sense that they were being protected from the world. 

It would be easy to keep her entertained. 

The girl was sharp and sarcastic, but it was obvious that she thought she was refined and cultured. I fed her a stream of bullshit stories, drinking steadily. 

At the end of the dinner, we were led to a massive ballroom and I was pulled back into Ymir’s circle. 

We were given drinks and the Prime Minister made a toast. 

“I saw you were getting along with his daughter,” Ekene whispered. 

“She comes on a little strong,” I replied.

“I’m sure you’ll manage.”

“Am I going to get in trouble?” I asked, glancing her way. She stood next to her mother while her father made his big speech.

“Not too much,” Ekene said, “She’s the most famous socialite on Corellia. She’s not known for good behavior. The tabloids love her...”

There was a formal dance next, bringing most of the guests out on the floor. 

Ekene asked to take the first dance with me. 

I didn’t know the steps, but I picked up quickly as he smoothly led me through turns and dips. 

We stayed on the floor for three songs, having a great time together, his hand on my low back. 

The blonde and her little posse were clustered together at the edge of the dance floor. 

I hadn’t seen too many young, handsome men around today.

Ekene guided me towards them as the song ended. 

“Who wants the next dance?” he asked, warm and roguish. 

A tall, slender woman stepped forward without hesitation, and he swept her onto the floor, his wide hand at her narrow waist. 

***

As the evening progressed I made Aurelia feel like she was very clever and interesting, but it was her friend, the blue-haired Ghalla, who really caught my attention. 

Her name was Erdoven. She was graceful and shy, used to being overshadowed by other people. She had a knack for a well-placed observation or joke. I found myself enjoying her company. 

I invited both of the girls back to my room for a drink. 

Soon we were close on the sofa, still in our gowns and jewelry. I felt that the blonde wanted to make a move, but she was nervous. 

I wasn’t used to people being so intimidated by me. I had given her all the signals, we were in my room, we were drinking together on my couch, but I was a Sith. It was still too risky for her to make a direct pass. 

Deciding to move the evening along, I brought my hand to her cheek, guiding her in for a kiss. Then I was turning to Erdoven, drawing her to me as well. 

Our hands began moving, and the blonde was sliding forward to kiss her friend, fingers moving through her blue hair. I discovered this wasn’t their first time sharing a conquest. 

The blonde was overeager, with something to prove. She had been drinking heavily through the night and it was starting to show. She was loud and clumsy as we kissed and removed clothing. She wanted me to know she was tough, that she was experienced, and it only made her seem more innocent. 

My time at the brothel gave me plenty of experience navigating this dynamic. 

I took charge through touch and movement, making sure each girl had attention, listening to their moans, and gasps, and cries. 

We opened more bottles and I lost myself in the two women, stroking them deep with my hands, loving the delicious sounds they made as I ran my tongue along their bodies. 

Erdoven was the first to make me come. She had me straddle her face while the blond kissed me, playing with my nipples, her teeth against my neck. 

I took a turn with the blonde afterwards, fingering her on the edge of my bed. She was yelling and rocking her hips, talking dirty, urging me to give her more. 

When we were ready for a break I filled up the tub and we sank into the hot water. 

We continued to drink. 

The blonde began to lose track of our jumbled conversation, her eyelids heavy, her head lolling. I decided to get her out of the bath. I picked her up, holding her in my arms, while her friend followed me with a few towels. 

I put the girl in my bed and wrapped her in a snug bundle of towels and blankets. 

“You don’t have to do that. I can take her back to her rooms,” Erdoven said, apologetic. 

“I’ve been wanting to get you alone all night,” I growled playfully, pulling her to me for a kiss. 

We returned to the tub. 

I had her balance herself on the wide stone ledge. Her back rested against the wall, her calves and feet in the warm water. 

I worked her up slowly with my tongue and fingers, relishing the low moans she made, the way her muscles squeezed my hand. 

She was incredibly wet and as I found her sensitive spots she only became wetter, dripping as my fingers filled and pressed into her. 

“Lin…,” she gasped, “I...I’m...It’s too much…”

“What is?” I asked, lifting my head up, slowing the pace of my hand. 

“I’m making a mess,” she said with frustration. 

I loved watching her belly tense and the way her small breasts moved as she gasped for breath. 

“I want you to make a mess,” I growled playfully, nipping at her lower lip.

“It’s okay?” she said, flushed and breathless. 

“You’re beautiful girl. Let me have fun with you,” I said, returning my head between her thighs. 

Her juices were flowing around my hand as I pushed her over the edge. She let out a loud, long cry of pleasure, but I wasn’t going to let her off that easy. 

I began moving my hand in a different rhythm, pressing upwards with my fingers. 

She groaned, head lolling against the tile. It took her a moment before she realized I wasn’t stopping. 

“Lin…,” she gasped, her hand moving across her smooth belly. 

Her breath was coming in short, little bursts as she felt me urging her body on. I knew she had more. 

“Lin… wha-- Lin!”

Her eyes were squeezed shut and her thighs were gripping my hand and forearm. 

I continued to press into her, my steady rhythm working its way up her spine. 

“Lin!” she shouted, shuddering.

She was shaking now, rolling forward, her arms around my shoulders. 

Gently, I lowered her into the tub. As her muscles stopped pulsing, I allowed my hand to slip from her. 

I grazed her shoulders with my fingertips and she sighed, her eyes closed, expression peaceful. 

When she had returned to herself, she kissed me. 

I helped her out of the tub and we dried each other off. 

We returned to my bedroom. The blonde was snoring loudly.

“I can get her back to her rooms,” Erdoven said, “It won’t be the first time.”

“I’ll get a servant to help.”

When I looked at the console, I realized it was 0400. On any other day it would be close to training time. 

Erdoven put her clothes back on, her blue hair still loose and wet from the bath. 

I just pulled on a robe and called Tasha, feeling bad that I was waking her up for this kind of baanthashit. “Hey, uh, one of my guests had too much to drink. We need some help getting her back to her room.”

“Yes madam, I’ll have Herge up in just a moment.”

I drew Erdoven to me for one last kiss. 

“You are so gorgeous,” I told her, “You made this night so much fun.”

“I’m flattered,” she said, a pink tinge lighting up her cheeks.

A minute later, Tasha and a large male servant were at the door. 

Erdoven and I helped Tasha untangle Aurelia from my sheets, while the male servant took a post by the door. 

She protested the entire time we dressed her, slurring her words, pushing us away, insisting she was in the right room and that we needed to leave her alone. 

Finally, she was ready to go. The male servant put his arm firmly under her shoulder. Tasha led them out. 

Erdoven gave me a final, apologetic glance as she left the room. 

When the door closed, I flopped onto my sofa. 

I was probably going to hear about this in the morning,but that was hours away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Siobhan is deep in it now. She is going to need to make some serious decisions and its going to affect her reunion with Kylo Ren. 
> 
> As always, thanks for reading and commenting!!


	8. Freedom Fighters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Siobhan has promised to eliminate a group of freedom fighters on the mining colony of Otomok. She's involving an old smuggling friend to help her get supplies for the mission.
> 
> At the same time, Ymir and Snoke are preparing for an event to celebrate the initial construction of Starkiller Base. 
> 
> In this chapter, she will have to make a decision about her relationship with the Darkside and the First Order.

**I**

I woke up with sand in my mouth and a heavy fog clouding my brain. 

Tasha took a gentle approach, slowly turning on the lights and opening the curtains. 

Grumbling and groaning, I rolled over onto my back. She was ready with a mug of caffeine and a green pill for my hangover. 

I took them both gratefully. 

“You have a meeting with Lord Ymir and Master Duru in half an hour.”

I put my palm to my forehead. There was a throbbing right behind my temples. Couldn’t I get one day to just be hungover?

Then I remembered that we were going to make the plan for Otomok. This was a good thing. 

When I came out of the shower, Tasha had a set of robes prepared for me.

“Are we doing a big breakfast with our guests?” I asked as I got dressed. 

“No, madam. They left three hours ago,” she said. 

“What time is it?” 

“After one ‘o clock.”

“Shit. So I am getting off easy,” I said, “Did Aurelia make it back in one piece?”

“Yes, madam,” Tasha said. Her tone was guarded and precise. 

“Is there anything I need to know about?” I asked with a smile. 

Tasha was hesitant, “Madam, a number of people are aware of the extended amount of time that you spent together last evening…”

“The Prime Minister?” I asked with an arched eyebrow. 

“Lord Ymir spoke with me this morning. I’d expect it to be a topic of conversation in your meeting.” Tasha said. 

I laughed and knotted the belt around my waist.

Ymir could give me a hard time if he wanted to. It wasn’t my fault if the Prime Minister’s daughter couldn’t handle her liquor. Erdoven had been drinking and partying for just as long and didn’t need a servant to put her back into her clothes and into her room. 

***

When I entered Ymir’s office, I found him alone behind his large, wooden desk. 

“Take a seat, Siobhan,” he said, voice stern. 

“It was nice to sleep in for once,” I said, sliding into the chair, crossing my ankle over my knee. 

“I don’t appreciate your conduct last evening,” he said, lips pressed together. 

His gaze was heavy with disappointment. 

“She started it,” I replied easily. 

“I’m certainly aware of that,” he snapped, “the young Lady Gaulfarr was still drunk this morning.”

I gazed back at Ymir, fighting a grin. “No one was making the girl drink. She did that all on her own.”

Ymir’s eyes narrowed, “This kind of behavior might have been acceptable in your previous life, but it isn’t acceptable to me. We have a state event coming up shortly and I expect you to conduct yourself with more propriety, understood?”

This was just a formality. I was getting a slap on the wrist, but there weren’t going to be any consequences. Aurelia had been openly flirting, throwing herself at me, and drank herself under the table. It obviously wasn’t the first time she had pulled this stunt. 

I sat blankly - it was close enough to obedience. 

Ymir called Ekene in, then began pulling up my audiofile and the First Order’s intelligence report on Otomok on the holofeed above his desk. 

Ekene was much friendlier when he arrived to the office. He patted my shoulder and gave me a wink as he took his seat. 

Ymir shot a look at him, not wanting me to feel encouraged. 

“I expect us to decide on the basic elements of a plan to eliminate the terrorist cell on Otomok. We’ll call Commander Watts and send him a report. Ekene, should we plan to call Madam Ghorbani, to keep her in the loop?”

“We should. I think it will put everyone’s minds at ease to know we have a plan,” he replied.

I didn’t like the idea of a First Order Commander and a company manager knowing my infiltration plans. I kept my mouth shut for now. I didn’t want to start with an argument. 

Ymir played the recording again, the three of us listening. 

Ekene raised his eyebrows at me when he heard my send-off, “I got chills the first time I heard that recording. That was cold.”

I shrugged, “I’m just giving them what they wanted.”

“I’d like to hear your insights and what you have planned as next steps,” Ymir said, his wide hands steepled in front of him. 

“Well, I plan to make a supply drop,” I said. 

The formality and constant review of plans was getting to me. I had made the set up on the call. It wasn’t complicated. 

“They were very trusting,” I continued, trying to give Ymir just enough information to get off my back, “Brennan didn’t ask for any kind of proof that I was Resistance, and that makes me feel like they’re absolutely desperate.”

I looked between Ymir and Ekene, they didn’t have anything to add, “So, I’m going load Rosie up with some supplies they asked for, fly to Otomok, and establish contact on the ground.”

“I’ll have my people start collecting the items you need. What were you planning to take?” Ymir said. 

“I don’t want to use your people on this,” I said firmly. 

Ymir was getting used to my objections by now, “And why not, Siobhan?” he asked with a tired sigh. 

“I need my story to be airtight. I have my own contact. I can get the real thing,” I said. 

“You have a contact? You’re supposed to be dead,” Ymir shot back. 

I hadn’t irritated him this much in a while. I took a moment to enjoy it. 

Ekene was watching us argue, a little amused, a little concerned. 

“Only the Resistance thinks I’m dead,” I replied easily, “I have a contact. They can get me the gear. I was thinking I could start with the easy stuff. Food. Medicine. Throw in some Resistance uniforms, so there’s something with ensignia.”

“I don’t like the idea of you reaching out to old contacts,” Ymir said, “Especially if they have ties to the Resistance.” 

“They’re a smuggler. It’s just a job,” I said, glossing over the truth, “I’m going to ask a person to get supplies, and I’m going to pay them for it.”

Ymir was watching me very carefully, “Let’s move on from that detail,” he said, “I don’t like the idea, and I’m going to need to give it more thought.”

“Okay then,” I said with a shrug, “I’m not expecting to reach their base on this trip. Brennan - and whoever else was on the line - was overjoyed to have me contacting them, but I they’ll be more skeptical now that they’ve had a few days for the excitement to die down.”

Ekene was nodding. 

“I agree,” Ymir said. 

“So I’m expecting them to vet me on this supply drop. If I get really lucky, they’ll have me unload at their base, but I wouldn’t count on it. These people have been able to evade your men for for years. They’re smart.”

“You told them that the Resistance knows about them and their situation. How are you going to explain that?” Ekene asked. 

“Easy,” I replied, “There was just that big event at the mine. I’ll say we heard about it while monitoring First Order comms - two officers were complaining about it, something like that.”

“We should talk about how we want your presence communicated with our leadership. It would be a good idea to discuss your schedule with Commander Watts and Madam Ghorbani.”

“I need to do this mission entirely undercover,” I said, disagreeing again. 

Ymir’s patience was wearing thin. His jaw was tight, eyes narrowing with frustration. 

“You don’t know anything about these fighters,” I continued, “You don’t know how much of your communications they’re able to listen to. You don’t know how many spies they have in the mines. This needs to play out like it’s the real thing. So I’m going to need to fly in unannounced, do the drop, and make a getaway.”

“And you’re going to fend off our squadrons with your little ship?” Ymir said, “You’ve never made yourself out to be much of a pilot.” 

“Siobhan, that’s too dangerous,” Ekene said, putting it much more nicely. 

“I accept the risk,” I said. 

“And you want approval to fire on our own troops?” Ymir said. 

I hadn’t thought of it that way. My plan was to avoid any kind of combat. I definitely wasn’t thinking of the stormtroopers and pilots as fellow soldiers. 

“My goal is to not be noticed. I’ll take the information about their security patrols from the Commander, that way I can be strategic about flying in and out. The guerillas won’t meet me if I come in with a squadron of TIE fighters hot on my tail.”

Finalizing my plan took a while. We went back and forth on the details and specifics. Ymir was constantly trying to find ways to poke holes in my plan. 

Ekene was supportive of my ideas. He had seen too much failure from the military leadership. I had new ideas, and that was exciting to him. 

The biggest difference in my approach was that I was willing to recognize the freedom fighters as a legitimate force. 

In the end, we agreed on my idea for an initial supply drop. Ymir still hadn’t given me the go-ahead to use my contact. 

I expected making a second trip, promising to bring the really good stuff, like weapons and power generators. I’d tell them that I’d be doing an assessment of their situation so the Resistance could plan a rescue mission. 

“If you need to make a second trip to infiltrate the base, Kylo Ren should accompany you,” Ymir said, catching me off guard. 

I did not like that idea. I’d have no trouble pretending to be a Resistance soldier. I couldn’t imagine that Ren would be able to do the same. 

I needed to have Ymir’s approval to get supplies through Vin. It wasn’t time to start a fresh argument, so I kept my mouth shut. 

**II**

Three days passed without an answer. 

I was nervous. If Ymir had bugged my ship, now was when I’d find out. He would see that I’d already been in communication with Vin. He might know I had visited him. I’d be caught in a lie and I could only imagine the consequences.

One day passed, then two days, and nothing happened. 

Time was moving painfully slow. 

Each day passed normally, organized by my training schedule.

The next state event was coming up more and more often in Ymir and Ekene’s conversations - in the office and during meals.

It would be an all-day event at Snoke’s palace. They were gathering their allies and partners to announce the construction of Starkiller Base. 

I found myself thinking about Snoke, Ren, and Raj. They would all be at the event. 

Snoke did not seem to have warmed up to me. We hadn’t talked since I left for Korriban. I remembered his calculated stare on the shuttle. I assumed we would have some kind of meeting while I was there. I didn’t expect it to be friendly. 

I had no idea what kind of contact I’d be able to have with Raj. It seemed that Ymir, at least, was making sure we didn’t connect. I knew I could make an opportunity for myself at the event, especially if there was going to be a party. It would be impossible for someone to have eyes on me the entire time. 

Then there was Ren. We hadn’t parted on good terms, but he still seemed to be keen on me. The thought of fucking him again was exciting, but I was conflicted. On the one hand, he had given me two weapons and arranged for Astrid to take care of me after Korriban. On the other hand, he might have known that Ymir was going to abandon me on the planet. He might even have been involved in making that plan - the thought made my stomach twist. 

I wasn’t going to know anything more about any of these men until I returned to Snoke’s Palace. 

I let myself get caught up in the preparations. With Ymir stalling my plans to take care of the freedom fighters on Otomok, there wasn’t much else for me to do. 

Tasha was making new outfits for the event. I discovered that she would be going along as my personal servant, responsible for keeping up my appearance throughout the day.

She had made another set of formal robes in black and crimson. I didn’t get any say on how they looked. They had already been decided by Ymir.

Now she was working out which gown I’d be wearing to the party. 

I had two options; one was an elegant, crimson thing that left my shoulders bare,the other dress was black and clinging. 

I thought about Ren. I thought about Raj. 

“The black one is my favorite, but I want to make some alterations,” I told her.

Tasha was getting used to me by now, and gave me a playful smile, “What do have in mind, madam?”

“I want the back to go as low as possible, and the neckline like that other dress you made for that last party. I was thinking here,” I said, pointing at a spot just a few centimeters above my navel. “Can you do it?” 

“Oh, I can make the dress, but Lord Ymir will have to approve it,” Tasha said. 

***

It was after evening training on the third day when Ymir called me into his office. 

I took my seat on the opposite side of his desk. 

“I’m ready to discuss your plans for acquiring supplies,” he said, “I have serious concerns about using a contact that you know. I feel that it is a massive security risk to us and our mission.”

Ymir hadn’t bugged my ship. This was the proof I needed. If he had, he’d already know that I had lied to him. I wondered if he even knew I had a secondary set of comms. 

“I understand that,” I replied, “But for my contact, this isn’t going to be an unusual request at all.”

“I’d like to know more about this contact of yours. Their name. Where they are. Your relationship,” Ymir said. 

I shook my head, “They should remain anonymous to the First Order. That gives both of us protection.”

Ymir’s jaw tightened, “Siobhan, you aren’t working with me. If you make a mistake, you could expose our plans.”

I bristled, “You want to know why your people haven’t been successful with smugglers or guerillas? Shit, I mean, even the Resistance. It’s because you don’t take any of them seriously.”

This wasn’t the right approach. I had tested his patience in our first meeting, and now I had gone and put a foot way over the line. 

Still, I kept running my mouth, “You’ve made me wait almost four days. I could have already gotten the supplies I needed and established contact on Otomok again. Those people are desperate and waiting for help. I’m offering to fix this problem for you. For it to work, we need to do things my way.”

I sat back, my eyes fiery, my hands on my thighs, wondering what kind of fight this was going to turn into. 

Ymir was angry. I could tell by the light in his eyes, the clench of his jaw, and the tilt to his shoulders. 

“I want to deny you just for being disrespectful,” he growled. 

There was a stretch of silence. I stood my ground. 

“Tell me what precautions you’ll make not to expose us,” he finally said. 

“To start, I really don’t want an old contact of mine knowing that I’m working for the First Order,” I said. That much was true, “I’ve always been a drifter. On the off-chance this person heard I was dead, I’ll just tell them that I deserted after the battle. Making the deal isn’t going to be hard. I’m going to ask for the supplies and pay them well.”

Ymir listened with a heavy, skeptical expression, “You’re asking me to trust you.” 

“I don’t care whether you trust me or not,” I said easily. 

He barked a laugh, sudden and authentic. 

“This is a job,” I said, keeping my expression cool, “You want me to flush out a group of terrorists on a mining colony. I can do that for you.”

“Then you have my approval,” he said, “Our state event on Taltua is six days from now. Obviously, this mission will take priority over a state party.”

“I’ll get a hold of my contact. It might take up to seventy-two hours to get the supplies I need, then travel on top of that,” I said. 

“Get started. I don’t want to give the guerillas another window to act.”

***

I left Ymir’s office and headed to the hangar. 

It was getting tedious to manually hook up my secondary comms every time I wanted to use them. I’d have to work on that during my next leg in hyperspace. 

The message to Vin was short and sweet: [I need supplies from the base, offering 400 credits for 4 pallets: Rations / Med Kits & Water Purifiers / Blankets / Uniforms. How long will it take?]

I encrypted the message before sending it. 

Now all I had to do was wait for Vin’s response. 

He was going to be skeptical that I was asking for Resistance supplies. If he asked about it, I’d tell him that my employer still thought I had ties with them. 

He didn’t know my history with Ymir. There was no reason for him to think I was doing anything to undermine the Resistance or their efforts. 

***

Ekene came by my room that night, right as I was about to go to bed. 

He was in casual clothes, draped in a robe and wearing slippers. His locs were loose around his shoulders. 

“What’s the occasion?” I asked. 

Ekene took a seat next to me on the couch. 

“I want you to know that I’m fully behind you on this plan,” he said. 

“Thanks, that makes two of us then.”

“That brings me to the second part of why I’m here,” he said, “I want to give you some advice, as a friend.”

Immediately, I felt myself bristle. Who did he think he was to give me advice?

He was the head of the largest extraction company in the Galaxy, in a relationship with the head of the First Order…

“I’ve spent the past three days urging Lord Ymir to approve your plan, because I believe in you,” Ekene continued, “Then I hear from him that you spent the meeting arguing and stonewalling. He was about to deny you just because of your attitude.”

I sat, tight-lipped. 

“You have to learn to be more diplomatic, Siobhan.”

There were so many things I could say. Ymir had brought me on because of my underground connections and experience, but then he expected me to act like a perfect little soldier. I was never going to be like Kylo Ren, devoted and obedient. 

I had to say something. “Thanks, Ekene.”

He gave me a look, hearing that I wasn’t agreeing to act any better. “You’re such a stubborn bitch,” he said with a friendly grin, shaking his head. 

“My whole life,” I agreed, with a smile of my own. 

“Then give me an update. When do you plan to do the supply drop?” 

“I just sent a message to my contact. I’m hoping they’ll get back to me by tomorrow, and then I might need to wait two or three more days for the supplies to come through.”

“Damn. I wish we were on a faster timeline,” Ekene said with a frown. 

“Me too.”

“Well, let me know when make progress,” he said, getting to his feet, “I’m looking forward to these terrorists being dealt with. They seem to only have grown stronger under Armitage’s watch.”

Ekene gave me a kiss on the cheek before he left. 

I was glad we were becoming friends. I needed someone like him in my corner, greasing the wheels and looking out for me. I did like him as a person - he had the easygoing personality of someone who knew that everything would work out in the end. He had never known want or need and so he approached life openly. 

I thought about the guerillas, about Brennan. For Ekene, they were an annoyance, causing a dip in his production numbers. He talked about them so casually, not understanding that they were fighting for their freedom, fighting for their lives. 

Once I handed them over, Ymir couldn’t question my loyalty or effectiveness. 

Neither could Snoke. 

I’d forge my own independence. I’d get out from under the First Order’s thumb. 

**III**

I checked my messages after morning meditation. 

Vin had responded. I decrypted his message: [I’ll have them ready in forty-eight hours. Contact me when you arrive and I’ll give you the drop site coordinates.]

It felt good for things to be moving along. 

I gave Ymir and Ekene the update. 

I’d be leaving the following day to pick up supplies and make the drop. If things went very smoothly, they would give me the coordinates of their base and I could take care of business. But I expected that they would direct me to a secure location and have someone vet me to make sure I wasn’t a spy. 

It would all take me around thirty-six hours. That put us right around the time Ymir and Ekene would be leaving for Taltua. 

I prepared as if I would be completing my mission to flush out the guerilla network. At the same time, Tasha was putting everything together for the event at Snoke’s palace. 

She would be travelling with my clothing and jewelry, whether I showed up or not. 

Tasha had made the dress I asked for. She had to do the final tailoring and adjustments while I was wearing it. 

It was a feat of engineering. 

The dress was sleeveless and backless, showing as much skin as possible. She made it out of black silk. The front dipped low, too, the fabric elegantly draped, creating a deep V that stopped just above my navel. The dress hugged close to my waist and hips, and there was a short train at the back. 

The jewelry was also stunning. A long gold chain would sit neatly in the open neckline. I’d have gold bands around my upper arms, bangles at my wrists, and rings on my fingers. 

Ymir was going to see the final product before I debuted it at the party. 

The night before I left on my mission, Tasha fitted me in the dress and the jewelry so that I could model the dress for Ymir and Ekene in my sitting room.

Ekene stood when he saw me emerge, a delighted smile on his face. 

“You look stunning!” he said, walking up to me and offering his hand to give me a twirl. His fingertips grazed my low back. 

Ymir sat on the sofa, watching me. There was a smile playing across his lips and a glint of hunger in his eyes. 

I met his gaze for a moment, my body responding, heat between my legs. 

“I love this,” Ekene said, kissing my cheek, “Everyone is going to be talking about you.” 

“The Superior General is going to hate it,” Ymir said, keeping his smile in check, shifting on the sofa and placing a hand on his thigh. 

“And you? What do you think?” I asked playfully, my lower lip between my teeth. 

“I think you look like yourself,” Ymir answered, rising to his feet, “And I don’t particularly care about Snoke’s opinion of your outfit.”

He liked it. He just wouldn’t say it. 

“I want to have the first dance with you,” Ekene said, pulling me to him, “Then everyone is going to come to me asking about the beautiful, mysterious woman they saw me with.”

“You’re so selfless,” I teased, resting a hand on his chest. 

For a moment, I imagined being fucked by these two men. 

I remembered Ymir’s rejection on Korriban, and it still stung. 

I put the thought out of my mind. 

***

The next morning I headed to D’Qar. 

I spent most of the twelve hour trip in hyperspace hooking up my secondary comms to the console. I created two layers of security. The first layer was a coded entry on the console. Pretty standard. The second was a manual system, where I set three different switches that needed to be engaged in a specific order. Most people wouldn’t even assume there’d be a manual code, and they definitely wouldn’t have time to figure out the switches. 

That should be enough to prevent most people from accessing my set-up. 

It took eight hours to get everything configured. After that I scrolled through the information on the First Order security patrols for Otomok, and napped in the captain’s chair when the dry information lulled me to sleep..

***

The pick up from Vin went the same as every other pick up for jobs we had done together. 

I called his direct line as I was descending through atmosphere. He sent me the coordinates for one of his caches. 

Thankfully, this one was far away from the base. We were deep in the forest. With the thick tree cover, I had to land my ship almost on top of it. 

Vin was waiting for me, parked on his speeder. 

“You called at just the right time,” he said, approaching and shaking my hand, “They just resupplied.”

I had my awareness extended, _searching_ for a trick, any reason not to trust him. I couldn’t sense anything. 

I paid him with a sack of flan, credits, and wupiupi. 

Vin moved to a rock, the cache’s hidden console, and punched in the code. 

The hangar door set into the ground began to slide open. A hydraulic lift raised the four pallets of supplies up to the surface. 

“This should be everything. You have standard issue medical supplies, water purification systems, uniforms, rations, and blankets.”

“Thanks, Vin.” I said. 

I had brought a levitating dolly, and I positioned it under the first pallet. Four short trips later, the pallets were loaded. 

Using the Force, I could have done everything by myself. I didn’t need actually need the machines. 

“If everything goes as planned, I think I’m going to need some more supplies from you, weapons and power generators. You think you can get those?” I asked.

“When would you need them?” Vin asked, thumbs hooked onto his pockets. 

This was where the mission could start raising alarm bells. One shipment of supplies could mean anything, but asking for another shipment, especially weapons and power generators, didn’t look good.

“In a few days. I might not need them. I’ll give you a call after I talk with my boss. I could do seven-fifty for them.”

I had overpaid by one hundred credits for this shipment. The cost of silence and goodwill. 

“All right. Now’s the best window to get them, so be quick about it or you might have to wait a while.”

“Thanks.”

We shook hands and I boarded Rosie. 

I took her up into open space and punched in the coordinates for Otomok. The entire handoff had only taken twenty minutes. 

My thoughts were on Ymir, with his constant meetings and procedures. Everything in his world was so over-complicated with formalities. All I was doing was exchanging money for product. 

***

I spent the next hyperspace leg studying the security patrol flight patterns, in earnest this time. 

I needed to escape notice on entry and exit, while blaring a Resistance signature from my ship. 

It was tempting to take the last of the Blue. I was going to need to be completely alert, completely focused, but I couldn’t risk meeting up with the freedom fighters strung out on a stimulant. They already had enough reasons to be suspicious. 

The Force would be the only thing giving me an edge while I flew. 

I worked up a map on my console for the security patrol circuits. This way, I could calculate where I needed to go. 

When I was done with that, I spent a few more hours going through the file. 

The terrain was going to be a challenge. Otomok was made up almost entirely of mountain ranges. The constant geological activity was perfect for exposing valuable minerals and ores. 

Established mining sites were created through mountaintop removal, but a significant percentage of the surface was left wild. Earthquakes, rockslides, and tunnel collapses were just a fact of life. 

With these conditions, it wasn’t surprising that the freedom fighters had managed to hide so successfully for so long. From the reports I read, it looked like they moved camps pretty regularly and took advantage of the thousands of miles of abandoned mining tunnels. 

So far, the First Order had only managed to capture guerillas during their supply runs and sabotage missions. They were smart and well organized.

I expected them to be skeptical of me, but I remembered the hope and joy in Brennan’s voice when I answered their distress signal. They wanted to believe that there was someone out there who wanted to help them. They wanted to believe they had a chance. 

I used the last stretch of time in hyperspace doing a thorough sweep of my ship. If I was going to land on their base, there couldn’t be anything that could give me away. 

I unpacked the supplies I was delivering. The medicine, water purifiers, and clothing all had Resistance logos. The clothes were plain jumpsuits and fatigues, stuff for grunts and mechanics to wear. No one was getting an officer’s uniform. I would be delivering rations that totaled millions of calories. The items were humble, but necessary. 

Everything checked out. I made sure that everything on my console could be locked up. They’d have to go through me if they wanted any of the information. 

The First Order chip went up into the ceiling panel, locked away inside the canisters with my lightsabers. 

If things got really out of hand, and they found out about my swords, I would have no qualms about making them believe I was a Jedi. 

**IV**

I took a deep, steadying breath as I brought Rosie out of hyperspace. This was going to require my complete focus and I needed to be open to any possible changes.

Rosie popped out of hyperspace. I had my Resistance signature on, my comms dialed into their distress signal. I extended my awareness like a net, beyond my body, beyond the ship. 

“This is Mara with the Resistance. I have your supplies. Over.”

“Mara, it is so good to hear your voice,” Brennan said, “Are you ready for coordinates? Over.”

“Copy, Brennan. Ready when you are. Over.”

The planet loomed in front of me, cloud-swept and gray. 

Brennan gave me the coordinates and I punched them into my console. 

“Got it,” I said, “Will you be there to meet me? Over.”

I wanted to see how open they were. How much information they would willingly give me. 

“You’ll be meeting with Pax. He’ll be waiting for you at the drop. Security’s been tighter, so fly safe. May the Force be with you!”

“May the Force be with you,” I echoed, and ended the call. 

Between my awareness, the radar, and my patrol map, I made it down through the atmosphere without being spotted. 

The freedom fighters had me traveling deep into the mountains. 

It was early evening on this side of the planet, the sun quickly disappearing behind the massive, jumbled ranges. 

I skimmed over the terrain. There were lakes and swaths of forest hidden away in deep valleys, but the surface was like one giant mountain range. The walls of rock were steep and crowded together. The planet had been shaped by huge amounts of plate tectonics and volcanic activity, and this mess was the result. 

Jagged peaks crowded the sky, merging and crumbling together. The bases were lost, becoming one giant network of chasms and crevasses. 

I was at the edge of my piloting skills, keeping all my lights off as I flew to the rendezvous point. My connection with the Force was the only thing saving me as I hugged close to the sides of mountains and weaved through narrow fissures in the rock. 

The coordinates led me through a tunnel and into a wide chasm deep in a mountain side. Getting back out again was going to be a nightmare. 

A man was visible ahead, dressed in ragged clothes, sitting on top of a speeder. 

I could feel people tucked away in shadowy overhangs. Six total, including the visible one. 

They had picked the perfect spot for a meeting. 

I left ambient power on in my ship, not turning the engines completely off. To them, it would indicate that I was ready to make a quick getaway. 

I jogged through my ship and lowered the cargo bay ramp. 

I was greeted by a draft of cool air. 

The man climbed off his speeder, approaching me. The only light down here came from my cargo bay. 

“I’m Mara,” I greeted, raising a hand. My other was loose at my side. 

I could feel the anticipation and excitement from the invisible crowd around us, hidden away in their alcoves. 

“Mara, I’m Pax Chakrei,” the man said, stepping into the light. 

Pax was tall and thin, wearing shapeless, ragged clothing. He wore a ripped tunic over loose pants, his boots were worn and dusty. He had dark skin and tight curls. His was the kind of beard that men grow when they can’t shave regularly. It was unkempt, shot through with white hairs. 

His eyes were tired and intense. He sized me up as he closed the distance between us. 

“Pax, it’s good to meet you,” I said with warm authority in my voice. 

I strode forward to shake his hand. 

He squeezed mine, calloused and strong. 

“Were you spotted on the way here?” he asked.

I shook my head, “I got in clean.”

Pax just gave me a curt nod. I wished Brennan was the one meeting me. 

“I have four pallets of supplies,” I continued, “I’ll bring them out.” 

“I’ll help,” Pax said. 

We walked up the ramp together. 

I gestured to the pallets. 

“This is the best I could do for this trip. I’m sure you need more,” I said as I reached down to activate the floating dolly, “Medical supplies are there, behind that is clothing and blankets.”

Pax walked over to last pallet. 

I pointed at it, “That one’s all rations. We got something close to five million calories.”

When I straightened up, I met Pax’s eyes. He was clearly doing the calculations for what this would mean for his base. 

“Thank you, Mara,” he said. 

In the unforgiving light of the cargo bay, I saw the red in his eyes from lack of sleep. He held himself with a quiet dignity, despite his ragged appearance. 

“I can help you transport this stuff,” I offered casually. 

Pax shook his head, “This is already an enormous help to us. A few of our men and women are coming out to meet me to carry the supplies.”

It was a small lie. He didn’t trust me yet. 

I was tempted to _push_ with my voice and influence him to take me to the base. We were alone on the ship. He was tired. He wanted this to work. 

Using a mind trick could easily backfire. He’d be left wondering what happened. It might have been a group decision not to let me see the base, and if he suddenly went against their decision that would cause its own set of problems. 

I began to push the first pallet down the ramp, talking over my shoulder, “I did a briefing with my superiors after talking with Brennan. We want to help. I want to know if I can come back so that we can see what your situation is. We want to plan a rescue mission.”

“How did you find out about us?” he asked from the ramp, “I know our signal isn’t strong.”

Here it was. This was how he was going to try to figure out if I was a First Order spy. 

“We were monitoring communications from some of their top brass,” I said, the beginnings of a smile playing across my face. I set down the pallet and went back for the second, “One of them was complaining about an attack on a railway out here. He said he was getting chewed out by his superiors because of the losses, and that they hadn’t found the Rebels.”

I flashed a roguish grin at Pax, “Well, we hadn’t heard anything about a group of Rebels out here. Our initial scans didn’t pick anything up, so I volunteered to go on a scouting mission to find y’all.” I loaded up the second pallet.

His expression had softened as I told my little story, “The First Order bombed our primary base over a year ago, when we tried to broadcast a stronger signal.”

I gave him a serious nod, “They have you in a stranglehold. The security patrols out here are really bad.” I loaded up the third pallet.

“They’ve gotten worse since our attack on their train,” Pax said with a grim, prideful smile. 

“I want to come back,” I said, “I want to help you. What can I bring on the next trip?”

“Mara, I appreciate what you’re... what the Resistance is doing, but we really need air support.”

I set the third pallet down. My expression drew in, more compassionate, “We can’t just come back with air support,” I said gently, “We need to have a battle plan. We need to know what we’re getting ourselves into. This place is crawling with First Order troops and they have a Star Destroyer hovering over your head.” I loaded up the last pallet.

Pax made a low, tired sigh, “Forgive me Mara. I understand that. We need weapons. We need power. The only supplies we have are what we can siphon off from the mining sites.”

I put my hand on his forearm. He accepted my touch. 

“I want to come back in the next few days. I can bring weapons and power generators, and a few fighters. Will you help us do a scouting mission so we know what you’re up against?”

“Yes.”

I wasn’t getting to his base today. I’d have to come back on a second trip. 

I set down the last pallet. “Is there anything else I can communicate to my superiors?”

Pax’s expression was dark and serious, “We’re being throttled out here. Without support we won’t be able to throw the First Order off our backs, and they’re closing in on us.”

As I looked into his eyes, I saw sleepless nights and worry. I could see the constant terror of discovery in the hollows of his cheeks. 

“I’ll tell them that,” I said, with just as much gravity, “I’ll be back as soon as I can.” I pushed the dolly back into a corner of the cargo bay. “Stay strong and keep fighting. May the Force be with you.”

“May the Force be with you.” 

We shook hands and parted ways. 

I settled myself in the cockpit. Because I had left the engines idling, it was just seconds before I was back in the air, making the return trip through the tunnel and out of the chasm. 

My heart was heavy in my chest. 

It was one thing to be taking out a group of pirates. I didn’t feel bad about that at all. Piracy was just a game of making money and not getting caught. The Stardogs stole cargo from the First Order and I retaliated. 

This was different. 

I couldn’t afford to get lost in thought. It was going to be just as difficult to navigate myself offworld as it was to arrive. 

Now wasn’t the time to get stuck in a dogfight with a squadron of TIE fighters. 

I weaved my way through the mountains, keeping my awareness extended and an eye on the patrol map. 

As soon as I cleared atmosphere, I punched it to the next system. 

My thoughts were drawing me inward as the blue light of the hyperspace lane swirled outside my cockpit. 

To the First Order, they were just a thorn in their side, disrupting production numbers. 

The stakes were so much higher for these people. They were fighting for their freedom, fighting for their lives. 

And I was fighting for my place in all of this. 

After the short jump, I switched Rosie over to her native signature. I shuffled to my quarters and dug around in the panel for the canister that held the First Order chip. 

I needed to call Ymir. I flopped into the captain’s chair and punched in the code to his line. 

“Ymir,” I said, as his face pulled up in the holofeed. 

“How was the supply drop?” he asked. 

“I met with someone named Pax. He looks like he’s leadership. He wasn’t going to let me get anywhere near their base,” I said, “I told him that the Resistance needs to do a scouting mission, that I’d bring more soldiers and weapons and we’d assess what the Resistance could do to overthrow the First Order operations.”

A mean grin was spreading across my face. 

“That’s very good, Siobhan,” Ymir growled. It had been so easy. They were desperate for help. “Plan to meet us at Taltua. Ekene and I are about to depart.”

“Sure thing, boss. See you in a few,” I said. 

My next message was an encrypted note to Vin:  
[Just got confirmation. Paying 750 for 3 power generators, and whatever weapons the rest of the credits will buy.]

***

I spent the twelve hour leg alone with my thoughts. 

In the cockpit, with hyperspace swirling past me, I drank. I had my music turned up, drumming on the dash with my thumbs, singing along. As I finished each can, I _crushed_ it, letting the flat silver disc fall onto the floor. 

The alcohol and noise gave me the space to think. 

I was exhausted. It had been over twenty hours since I had left the Estate. I had visited two different planets, and was en route to a third. 

My thoughts were restlessly churning. 

I had given those fighters hope, and I was going to take it away from them. 

Ymir wanted to have complete control of the Galaxy and I was helping him do it, clearing pieces off the board for him. 

I told myself that I needed to grow stronger. I needed to carve out my own space so I could bring people into my corner. 

I would kill him. Just not now. 

It was flimsy. I was still just doing his dirty work. I was being the good little acolyte. 

There was no way I could justify this mission, but I was going to do it anyways, and probably with Kylo Ren at my side. 

My father would have killed me himself, if he had known what I would become. 

**V**

The alarm woke me an hour before arrival. 

I felt calmer. 

I made myself caffeine in the kitchen, drinking it with one hip leaned against the counter. Then I showered in my little bathing closet. 

With my hair wrapped in a towel, I took a seat on the floor to meditate. 

I paid attention to my breath, the expansion of my lungs, the ribs surrounding them. 

A thought blossomed in my mind. 

I was going to hurt these people. 

Sunk into the Force, I _reached_ for the Darkside. My power. 

I had already done so much, given up so much, why was this affecting me now? 

In the space of deep connection, I felt myself floating above a dark chasm. Looking into the void, I thought about my path. I had given up my fellow soldiers on the Resistance base so Ymir would take me in for training. When he left me on Korriban, I didn’t give up. I had scars and tattoos to prove it. 

I was selling out a group of people whose only crime was pursuing freedom.

> I’ve given you so much.

I said into the void. 

There was no response. The darkness twisted and folded into itself. Every contraction was an expansion. I could feel the power beneath me. The whispers and low rumblings.

> Ymir is so powerful. What did he give you?!

I shouted. My fists were clenched. 

Anger flooded my heart and I heard a prideful, rumbling screech from far below. It was the sound of recognition, the same terrible recognition I had felt when Ymir had entered my home. Hate, tempered by understanding and familiarity. 

I opened my eyes, naked and alone in my seat on the floor. 

***

I took care as I dressed myself, settling my thoughts and settling my body. 

When I had first gone to Snoke’s palace, I was no one, just a trouble-causing Rebel. 

I had grown into so much more. 

I didn’t have nice clothing with me. I had packed as if I would be infiltrating the guerrilla base. I did my best with what I had available, combing my hair, securing it in a neat braid. I had on my utility pants and my olive jacket with the fur collar. I clipped my lightsabers to my belt. 

I returned to the cockpit before the warning alarm sounded. 

When I emerged from hyperspace, Taltua lay in front of me, a gorgeous blue orb. 

I put in my First Order chip and cleared Rosie through security. 

I took the scenic route to the palace, skimming over the oceans. After Korriban, the sight of this much water still pulled at my heart. I buzzed the white-crested waves, creating a wake, the white clouds and blue sky above me. 

Snoke’s palace lay ahead, at the top of the cliffs. I approached the great onyx building, with its massive columns and First Order banners fluttering in the seabreeze.

They had me in the same hangar with Ymir, and I fought a smile as I brought Rosie down next to The Centurion. 

There was a servant waiting for me. I thought I recognized him from my last time here. 

I strolled out the side ramp, my kit bag over my shoulder. 

“Madam Lin,” he greeted with a short bow, “My name is Julian. Do we have permission to begin unloading your belongings?”

“We met last time, didn’t we?” I asked. 

“Yes, madam,” he replied with another short bow. He was a mousey thing, trim in his slate-gray uniform, brown hair sticking out from under his cap. 

“I just have the kit bag,” I said, handing it over to him, “There isn’t anything else that needs to come in with me.”

Julian began to escort me through the building. 

“You’ll be staying in the same suite as last time, madam,” he said as we moved through the open air hallways, “We converted the office into a bedroom, so you should find it more hospitable.”

There was a different energy in the building. Instead of being lined with industrialists and politicians, there were just droids and servants. They were cleaning and carrying equipment. 

They were getting everything ready for the big event, so the usual crowd wasn’t left to loiter and whisper. 

When I arrived at the rooms, Ymir and Ekene were in the sitting area drinking wine. There were two holofeeds up. The large windows at the far end of the room were thrown open to the seabreeze. 

Ekene made a wide grin as soon as I entered, “Siobhan! Come in, have a drink.”

“Don’t mind if I do,” I said, dropping into the chair next to him. 

Julian took my kit bag into the second door on the left and came back out to pour me a glass. 

Ymir’s expression was more reserved, but there was a prideful gleam in his eye. 

“So, tell me all about the mission,” Ekene said. 

Julian handed me a glass of red. 

“I will,” I said, touching my glass to his. “Julian, I can’t remember the last time I ate. Could you bring me something? Is anyone else hungry?”

Ymir and Ekene passed.

“Of course, madam,” Julian said with a bob of his head and scurried out of the room. 

“Siobhan, I’m very pleased with your results on this mission. I’d like to hear the details,” Ymir said. 

“Well, obviously, I’m going to need to make a third trip, but that should be the final leg of the mission,” I said, taking a large drink. 

That most likely meant I’d be working with Ren. I’d just have to cross that bridge when I got there. 

“They are desperate for help,” I continued, “I think I met one of their leaders. He calls himself Pax Chakrei.”

“The name sounds familiar,” Ekene said. 

“He made it look like I was meeting him alone, but he had five other people hidden. I had four pallets of supplies with me, and offered to deliver them to the base, y’know seeing as how he was alone and all…”

Ymir smirked and shook his head. 

“I was selling him the story of how the Resistance wants to help, but we can’t just come in, guns blazing, to a situation we don’t know. He agreed to have me come back with weapons, power generators, and another couple fighters for a scouting mission so we can take stock of what they for liberation.”

Ekene was eating it up, “That’s brilliant, Siobhan,” he said, “Wicked, but absolutely brilliant.”

“Was it that simple?” Ymir asked. 

“Yeah,” I replied with a shrug, “He didn’t even give me a hard time. All he did was ask how I found their distress signal. I gave him the story I told you, that the Resistance overheard First Order chatter about the ore shipment and the rockslide, and I came in to investigate. They want it to be true.”

I remembered Pax’s eyes, the exhaustion and determination that drove him through the day. 

“What kind of timeline are we on?” Ymir asked. 

“I already put in the request for weapons, so probably another forty-eight hours for that shipment, then travel to pick them up. I didn’t promise Pax I’d be back at a specific time.”

“This is all good work. It fits very well with my plans,” Ymir said. 

I finished my glass, and Ekene was pouring me more wine as Ymir continued, “You and I will meet with the Superior General this evening. I’ve talked with Kylo Ren about the potential for this mission and I’m sure it will be part of our discussions when he arrives tomorrow.”

Ah, I wondered if he was already here. I hadn’t sensed him, but Ymir’s comment confirmed what I had felt. 

Julian arrived with a service droid and a small, floating cart. 

“Take the next few hours to rest. I’ll have Tasha prepare you for our meeting with the Superior General,” Ymir said. 

**VI**

Ekene chattered at me while I ate. He was impressed with my success with the guerrillas. I had delivered on every promise I had made to him, and my reward was his friendship and support. 

He talked with me about what to expect the following day. 

We were the only early arrivals. Everyone else would be coming in tomorrow morning. The military leadership would be having a meeting at 0800. Ekene made sure I knew that he planned to sleep in. He wouldn’t be attending the military meeting. 

The rest of the attendees would be arriving in time for a formal lunch, then there would be another small meeting with the corporate and military leadership directly involved with the base. After that would be a party. 

Madame Dahn would be performing. We would be treated to fireworks, a dance, and executive-level debauchery as the night went on. 

“So all I have to do is hang in there until the party?” I asked. 

Ymir had remained hard at work on his console and holofeeds for the entire conversation. 

“Considering your behavior at the last event, you’ll be lucky if I don’t have you on security watch the entire time,” he said, a wry twist to his lips. 

“Is Aurelia going to be here?” I asked mischievously, testing my goodwill. 

“Don’t push it,” Ymir warned. 

I knew that Ren and Rajendra would both be here tomorrow. It looked like I wasn’t the only one thinking about them.

***

After my meal and a couple of glasses of wine, I was ready for a nap. 

I shuffled over to my room. 

They had completely remodeled the space. 

Compared to my room in Ymir’s house, it was small, but they had turned the office into a full bedroom with its own bathroom. I had lost the direct access to the balcony. 

I shucked my clothes off, leaving them on the floor, and curled up in bed to sleep. 

***

Tasha was the one to wake me, and it wasn’t until I was sitting up that I remembered where I was. 

“Oh shit…” I mumbled, “I’m on Taltua right?”

“Yes, madam.”

I looked at her, noticing something was different. She was dressed in a different uniform, slate gray and black, not the white and navy outfit I was used to seeing.

“You have one hour until your meeting with the Superior General,” she said. 

“I’ll get a move on.”

I took a shower and Tasha was there to fix me up, like she had after my last mission. 

When she was done, there was no way to tell that I had spent more than twenty hours making hyperspace jumps to three different planets. 

I was dressed in a more conservative set of formal robes, wearing shades of black and charcoal gray. She put my hair into a simple updo and didn’t bother with make-up or jewelry. 

This was all for Snoke. I had been first presented to him as the girl who seduced Kylo Ren. Now I was the polished Sith acolyte, trained on Korriban, with a couple of successful missions to my name. 

I hooked my lightsabers on my belt. 

I emerged into the sitting room and found Ekene watching a holodrama, an open bottle of wine on the table next to his half-full glass.

“Lord Ymir is already meeting with the Superior General,” he said as he noticed my confusion. He was definitely drunk by now. 

“Thanks,” I said. 

Julian escorted me to the meeting. 

The hallways were familiar, but I didn’t know how to navigate my way to the room. Night had fallen, and our shadows stained the walls. I watched moonlight reflecting off the surface of the waves. 

I was delivered to a formal sitting room. It was an ornate space with stylish furniture. I remembered that it lead to Snoke’s audience chamber. Two crimson guards stood by a door at the far end.

The furniture had been arranged ahead of time. Ymir and Snoke were seated in separate chairs, side by side. There was a cushioned, backless bench in front of them. 

“Madam Siniang,” Julian announced. 

I set eyes on Snoke for the first time in two cycles. 

He was staring at me in return, just as ugly as I remembered. Sitting down, he was a head taller than Ymir, but his spine gave him a tilt to the right. I gazed at the puckered scar running between his eyes and the twist to his jaw. He wore fine clothes, green brocade robes.

I strode forward to take my seat. As I did, I felt Snoke _reach_ out to me with a probing tendril of energy. 

He couldn’t settle on me. My aura was fully cloaked, a permanent reflex after Korriban. 

Snoke adjusted in his chair, sitting up taller for the moment, “It’s interesting to experience that in person,” he said to Ymir as I took my seat in front of them. 

“It’s made certain aspects of training more challenging,” Ymir said. 

Snoke turned his attention back to me,“Lord Ymir told me you developed that skill on Korriban, due to your exposure to the creature in the grassland.”

His voice had a natural sneer. I already knew he was going to try to provoke me. My goal was to stay cool for the whole meeting. 

“That’s right,” I answered calmly, my hands in my lap. 

I felt his eyes on my scar. In one way, we almost matched. 

“I’ve been kept up to date on your development and performance,” Snoke began, “My understanding is that you have an aptitude for handling criminals and people who operate in the shadows.”

He was one to talk. 

“Siobhan, I’d like this to be our formal debriefing on your mission on Otomok,” Ymir said, stepping in to guide the conversation. 

“I met with one of the guerrilla leaders, Pax Chakrei,” I said, “When I first established contact with them, I promised I would return with supplies. I have an old smuggling friend who was able to get me authentic Resistance gear. I brought medicine, rations, and clothing. The medicine and clothing have the right insignia.”

“A smuggling friend?” Snoke asked sharply, looking to Ymir. 

“She had my approval,” he replied. 

Snoke glared at Ymir until their eyes met and Snoke backed down. When he looked at me, his lips were pressed tightly together. 

I had a self-satisfied glint in my eye. 

“They should have gone through the supplies by now, so anyone who is still skeptical that I’m a spy has firm evidence otherwise. As it stands, I’ve promised to return with a shipment of weapons and power generators. I told them that we, the Resistance, need to do an on-the-ground assessment of their situation, so we can plan to liberate them.”

“And you plan on Kylo Ren taking part in this mission?” Snoke asked Ymir. 

He seemed determined to acknowledge me as little as possible. 

“Yes,” Ymir answered, “We’ve had initial discussions about this plan. Vice Admiral Hux is perfectly capable of overseeing operations on the Finalizer and Starkiller Base while Kylo Ren is away.”

“And you’ll be using a ‘smuggling friend’ to acquire Resistance weapons?” Snoke asked disdainfully, looking between me and Ymir.

“I’ve already put the order in. They should be ready in less than forty-eight hours.”

This was going to be tricky. I did not want any of these people involved in the pick up. Definitely not Ren. 

“And how long do you expect this mission to take?” Snoke asked.

“Two or three days,” I said easily, “My guess is that they’ll have me out to their primary base. After that, it’s just getting the intelligence about the location of the other cells. As soon as I get that, we can contact the Commander of the Star Destroyer for a coordinated attack.”

“You certainly sound confident,” Snoke said, “Vice Admiral Hux and Commander Watts have years of experience and they haven’t been able to eliminate this group. You believe you can turn them over to us in just a few days?”

“Yes,” I replied, “Have any of your men established contact with them on their own terms?” 

“Siobhan has made excellent progress,” Ymir said, stepping in again, “I believe that she can carry out this mission successfully and this is a perfect opportunity for Kylo Ren to lend his expertise.” 

“The details are vague, and I don’t like that she’s coordinating with an unknown individual for Resistance weapons. It puts us at serious risk of exposure,” Snoke said, “Siobhan, I want an official, written plans. You will be briefing us and Commander Watts before the mission.”

Oh fuck that. 

I began to open my mouth, but Ymir cut in, “This mission depends on secrecy. I’ve been in communication with Commander Watts, but the less our troops are aware of this plan, the better.”

Snoke looked between the two of us, “Lord Ymir, I’d like to have a private meeting with Siobhan. Is there anything else we should discuss as a group?” 

A private meeting. This would interesting. I kept my expression neutral and my body relaxed. 

“That’s all I planned to cover,” Ymir said, rising to his feet, “I’ll see you in our rooms,” he said, giving me a purposeful look.

I remained in my seat, Snoke planted across from me, and I fought the urge to smirk. I listened to Ymir’s footsteps on the carpet, the door closing behind him.

“Come with me,” Snoke said, unfolding from the chair. 

He was large, well over two meters. There was a curve in his back that gave his shoulders a hunch. It made him look unsteady as he walked. 

He moved towards the doors at the far end of the room. 

The two crimson guards opened them, and I followed Snoke into his audience chamber. 

I heard the doors close behind us, solid and final. 

The stained glass was dark at night, the lights above us filled the room in a dim, golden glow. 

I followed Snoke down the red carpet as he approached his heavy throne at the back of the room. There were four more crimson guards behind it, pikes and whipswords at ease. 

Three quarters of the way through the room, Snoke stopped and turned to face me. 

He extended his awareness towards me, grasping but finding nothing. My eyes were locked on his. 

“I wasn’t expecting you to survive on Korriban,” he said, closing the distance between us, “I thought we’d be rid of you by now.”

He began walking slow circle around me. I stayed planted where I was. 

This was a power play. He was trying to rile me up and see if he could make me lose control over my aura. 

“Lord Ymir shared some of the stories of your training. I’d like to take a look myself.”

Snoke’s energy tightened around me like a lasso. I held strong. He _pressed_ into my mind and memories, but only met a wall. 

He completed his circle around me, coming to a stop in front, towering overhead. 

Defiance had been building in my chest, hot and jagged. I allowed myself to smile. 

“You could just ask,” I said, eyes fiery. 

Snoke wasn’t giving up. I felt his energy _pushing_ at me, and I walled myself off, solid and strong. 

I watched the muscles in his face twitch and pull with effort. His jaw turned, stretching the scars along his cheek. 

I took it calmly. This was exactly like the creature in the grassland, powerful and hungry. He wanted to devour me, but he couldn’t find a place to sink his teeth in. 

He backed off, glaring angrily. 

“Your connection with the Darkside is stronger than I expected it to be. I’ll give you that,” he said and turned his back to me, walking to his throne, “But I still think you’re just a distraction. Lord Ymir is not using his best judgement, and I don’t want Kylo Ren to be on a mission with you.”

That made two of us. 

Snoke slowly walked up the stairs and took a seat. I remained where I was, waiting for my moment to be dismissed. 

“While you’re here, I want to do an assessment of your combat skills.” He waved his hand to the first guard on his right, “You’re authorized to use lethal force against her.”

What?

The guard advanced without hesitation, pike at the ready. There was a wicked, curved blade at the end, half a meter long, protected by a plasma filament. Blue energy crackled and spat as it was activated. 

My lightsabers were in my hands, green blades at the ready. 

Lethal force - what the fuck?

My swords moved fluidly in my hands, creating a wall of protection as my mind caught up to the situation. Snoke had ordered his guard to use lethal force. 

The crimson guard went on the offensive. His pike gave him a longer reach.

I _reached_ out to Ymir, giving him a sliver of memory, the impression of the match. He needed to know I was in active combat against one of Snoke’s guards. 

Was Snoke trying to frame me? 

The guard was aggressive, lunging at any opening he saw. I was on the defensive as I adjusted to what was happening. 

From his throne, Snoke watched, a mean grin twisting his face. 

“It’s all right, little Sith. You’ve been honed in the deserts of Korriban. Let me see the fearsome warrior you’ve become!” He taunted. 

This was fucking baanthashit. 

I was warmed up now, anger surging through my heart. 

I went on the offensive the next time the guard lunged. I blocked, and my other arm was swinging around to land a blow. 

He danced backwards, keeping out of reach. The pike spinning in front of him. It was just like Ekene and his staff, but there was an important difference. The electroplasma filament only protected the blade at one end of the pike. 

I was not going to let this fight go on any longer than it had to. 

The next time he lunged, I lopped off the end of the pike, the blade clattering to the floor. Now he only had a staff in his hand. 

Behind us, the guards were on alert, weapons in hand, waiting for their moment to step in. 

Snoke lazily lifted up a hand to stop them. 

The guard did his best, but with just the metal staff, he might as well have been unarmed. Still, he didn’t surrender. This was going to be a slaughter. 

He continued to attack, and I took off more pieces of his staff with smooth swings of my blade. 

Snoke was _reaching_ out to me again, urgently battering at my walled-off awareness like a storm. 

I wasn’t going to let him in.

At the same time, I was stalling the guard. He didn’t stand a chance. Still, he continued his attack with less than a meter of steel to work with.

“Make him stand down!” I growled, _pulling_ the remainder of the weapon out of his hands. It clattered against the stones behind me. 

“No,” Snoke snarled, retreating from his attempt to push through my mind. His expression was dark. 

The guard was circling me now, completely unarmed, still intending to fight. The other men stood at attention at their posts. 

This needed to end. 

Briefly, I thought about subduing the guard, knocking him unconscious, doing something to incapacitate him. But there was nothing to stop Snoke from just sending the rest of his guards after me. 

I needed him to know what I was capable of. If he wanted a power play, he was going to get one. 

I lunged with my right arm, pushing blade through the guard’s breastplate and through his heart. There was an electric, rattling sound as my blade pushed through both sides of his body and armor, the room filled with the smell of burning meat and superheated metal. Smoke streamed upwards in a thick cloud.

I deactivated that lightsaber, the corpse falling to the floor, but I wasn’t done. I raised my hand, _capturing_ the remaining three guards in my awareness, _suspending_ them in the air. 

“Would you like me to continue?” I growled. My eyes were blazing, his men were trapped under my control. 

The lightning strike came on too suddenly for me react. 

Snoke had raised his hand, and a jolt of electricity pulsed through my body. The world blinked into darkness, and I was on the ground, confused, muscles twitching. 

The doors burst open and Ymir was striding angrily into the room. 

“What did you do!” he demanded, kneeling at my side. 

“Nothing…” I murmured, dazed. 

Ymir’s hand was warm and firm against my back. 

“I was testing her combat skills,” Snoke replied, and I realized that Ymir hadn’t been talking to me.

Ekene appeared out of nowhere, helping me to stand. 

“Take her to the other room,” Ymir said sternly.

The world was returning to me. My chest felt tight. 

“What was the purpose of this?” I heard Ymir say, voice heavy with anger. 

I didn’t hear Snoke’s response. Ekene had helped me into the sitting room, one of my arms draped across his wide shoulders. 

***

Ekene put me on a sofa. 

I was almost back to normal, the adrenaline and shock was running its course through my body. 

“Siobhan, what happened?” Ekene asked. 

“He fucking... hit me... with a lightning bolt…” I groaned, putting a hand to my forehead. 

“How are you feeling?” 

“I don’t know… better than a minute ago?”

The doors from the audience chamber opened, and Ymir was angrily striding through. 

“How is she?” he asked Ekene.

“I think I’m fine,” I said, pushing myself to my feet. 

Ymir approached, examining me with his hand beneath my chin, “We’ll have a doctor up to look at you.”

He handed me a lightsaber hilt. It was mine. I realized only one was hooked to my belt. 

“Let’s go,” he said. 

We returned to the rooms and a medic droid was already waiting for us. 

“I want you to tell me what happened,” Ymir said, taking a heavy seat. 

I dropped into a chair and the droid began to slowly run an instrument along my body. 

“I knew that Snoke was going to try to fuck with me,” I said, “He ordered one of his guards to use lethal force against me in a sparring match.”

I sighed and leaned my head against the back of the chair. 

“You did the right thing, letting me know what was happening,” Ymir said. 

“Was he trying to frame me for something, making it look like I attacked him?” I said. 

The droid had stopped his motions with the instrument and was making an assessment. “No significant damage found. No treatment regimen is necessary,” it said in its mechanical voice. 

Ymir waved it away. 

Ekene was on the sofa, watching all of this with a look of concern. 

“Snoke wanted to see a demonstration of your power. Now he’s seen you for himself,” Ymir said.

And he needed to prove that he was stronger. 

“He’s hated me from the moment he heard about me,” I snarled. 

“You proved yourself today,” Ymir said. He stood, and put a hand on my shoulder, “Go rest.”

I pushed myself to my feet and shuffled to my room. 

Angrily, I tugged off the layers of my robes and pulled the pins from my hair, leaving everything scattered on the ground. 

I curled up, alone in my bed, and let the darkness claim me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had so much fun writing this chapter! Hope you enjoyed it.
> 
> Saturday's update is going to be a big one :)
> 
> If anyone has Episode IX tickets for the 20th and 21st, I hope y'all have a blast!
> 
> Thanks so much for reading and commenting!


	9. Reasons to Celebrate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is gathering at Snoke's palace to celebrate the initial construction of Starkiller Base. 
> 
> Siobhan will be reunited with Kylo Ren for the first time since she started her training. She's hesitant about the meeting, unsure if he was involved in the decision to abandon her on Korriban. 
> 
> She'll also have to navigate Snoke, who ordered one of his Praetorian guard to use lethal force during a sparring match. 
> 
> We have lots of familiar faces this week, with Hux and Rajendra all at the party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so excited to share this chapter. :)
> 
> Enjoy the ride!

**I**

I woke to a steady knocking on my door. 

I pushed myself upright, trying to remember where I was. The room was dark around me.

“Siobhan,” Ymir said from the other side of the door. 

I crept out of bed, moving stiffly, and opened it a crack. 

“What’s going on?” I asked. 

“We’ll train together this morning. I want to have some time with you before the event,” he said, his voice warm. 

“Yeah, okay. I’ll get dressed.”

I shut the door and turned on the lights, hunting around for training clothes. 

There was a rack of dresses and robes. It looked like Tasha had taken the time to put everything else into drawers. I dug around, finding my leggings and pullover. I laced up my boots and secured my belt and lightsabers around my waist. 

I found Ymir at the table, drinking caffeine. He poured from a carafe and passed me a mug. 

“Come with me,” he said. 

***

The sky was still dark and the halls were mostly empty. We passed the occasional servant or droid on our way through the palace. I drank warm caffeine, and left the mug by the outer door. 

Ymir took me outside. Ahead of us, we could look out over the cliffs. 

The ocean waves crashed below, white peaks shimmering in the darkness. 

Wind tugged at my loose hair, and I began to wrap it into a braid. 

“I want to show you one of my favorite places to meditate,” Ymir said. 

I gave him a questioning look. I wasn’t used to him being this kind. 

Ymir motioned for me to follow him as he began to walk towards the cliffs. The land sloped downwards. As I approached the edge, I saw there were steep switchbacks carved into the stone. 

We made our way down the long gravel path, slick with ocean spray. 

We were descending into an alcove, hemmed in by steep cliff faces. 

In the middle sat a massive rock, several meters high, with smooth patterns worn into the surface from the wind and the waves. 

Ymir approached and began to climb up. I followed and stood beside him, looking out over the ocean, the tide rolling in. The sun was just beginning to stain the horizon with gold, pink, and orange. 

“It’s beautiful,” I said. 

“How do you feel about your interaction with the Superior General yesterday?” Ymir asked. 

Of course, that’s why he brought me all the way out here, surrounded by cliffs and the ocean. It was time for damage control. 

“I knew he was going to fuck with me,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest. 

“He’s scared of you,” Ymir said bluntly, looking out over the ocean. 

I narrowed my eyes, looking up at him in surprise. 

“The Superior General is only interested in conquest. He doesn’t care about creating an Empire of the Sith. He just wants an Empire,” he continued, “When I brought in Kylo Ren, it symbolized a defeat for the Resistance and Luke Skywalker. He has proved himself to be a powerful warrior, which suits the Superior General’s agenda.”

“But I don’t come with a pedigree,” I sneered. 

“That’s right,” Ymir said, “With your aptitude for cloaking your aura, he felt his best option was to intimidate you.”

I spat to the side, “His guard was still trying to fight, even after I disarmed him. I told Snoke to make the man stand down but he made him keep fighting.”

“You made the right decision to kill him. The Superior General understands that you’re a warrior now.” He put his hand on my shoulder, squeezing, “I’m proud of you.”

***

We sat and did our meditation there on the rock, with the tide rolling in and the sun rising in front of us. 

Afterwards, we climbed off the stone, our boots getting soaked in seawater. 

We had sparring practice on the rocky shore.

For the first time, our exercises felt relaxed. Ymir was enjoying himself as we moved through routines together. 

Ships were sailing overhead. I spotted military shuttles and diplomatic cruisers, all descending towards the palace. 

When we were done sparring, we jogged up the switchbacks. My face was red and sweaty by the time we got to the top. 

Inside the palace, the halls were bustling with servants and first arrivals. 

Ymir made short greetings to the officers he knew. I strode by his side with aloof confidence, my hair damp with sweat and seawater, the two lightsabers on my belt. 

We made our way to our suite. I stepped through the door to find Ren, standing with his valet, and Ekene. 

Ren turned to look at me. He was tall and dark, with his hood up and cloak wrapped around his shoulders, the heavy mask resting over his face. 

A sudden thrill ran up my spine. 

Ymir was approaching their group, a smile on his broad face. He put a hand on Ren’s shoulder. 

“Kylo Ren, welcome.”

“Lord Ymir,” he said, respectfully inclining his head, “Siobhan.” 

“Hey,” I greeted, a smile tugging at my mouth. 

I felt Ekene watching both of us with amused curiosity. He must have been lounging when Ren and his servant came in. He was still dressed in a bathrobe.

The valet took the opportunity to take Ren’s things to his room. I could only imagine what he thought about me. He was there when I was brought aboard as a prisoner of war. Now I was standing at Ymir’s side, a guest in the palace. 

“Were you and the Vice Admiral on the same shuttle?” Ymir was asking. 

“Yes, he’s setting up in his rooms,” Ren answered. 

“Good. I’ll let him know to meet us a few minutes early. I need to get ready, then I want to review the updates you made in your notes,” Ymir said, all business, “Siobhan, you have forty-five minutes. Tasha will prepare you.”

So Ymir wasn’t going to let us have a reunion just yet. 

I pushed my wet hair back from my face, “Loud and clear, boss,” I said with a smile. 

***

Tasha was in my room, tidying and organizing my things. 

She had created a grooming station in my bathroom. There were two boxy kits sitting on the counter. The clothing rack was set up next to the chair. 

When I was done in the shower, she started the process of making me look like an official military leader. 

My robes were charcoal gray, lined in a satiny, crimson fabric. There would be a flash of red with each step I took. The collar was high, buttoning under my chin, and black leather gloves. There was a wide leather belt to hold my lightsabers. A crimson drape was pinned around my shoulders, it wrapped around front and trailed elegantly down my back. 

“This is going to make it even more interesting when they see me in the gown tonight,” I said, adjusting the drape.

“I expect so, madam,” Tasha said, “I’ll need half an hour with you before lunch. These robes are just for your first meeting.”

It was going to be a day of costume changes. 

Tasha began to work on my make-up. My mind wandered as she mixed colors and dusted my face with different brushes. 

I wondered if Ren would be getting dressed up, too - probably not. His robes and mask were his uniform. 

I really wanted to talk with him, but there was a tick of hesitation in my chest. 

If he had anything to do with Ymir’s plan to abandon me on Korriban, I would never forgive him. 

When he snuck the swords into my bag, he could have known what was about to happen. 

He might have sent Astrid out of guilt. 

It was useless to spin my wheels, imagining what his intentions were. When we had the opportunity, I’d ask him. I wasn’t going to do anything with him until I knew for sure. 

Tasha left my hair and make-up more understated. My hair was pulled back in a fishtail braid. My eyes were smoky and my lipstick was a more natural shade of red. 

Exactly half an hour later, I emerged from my room. 

Ymir and Ren were at the table with a holofeed pulled up, reviewing notes for the briefing. 

Ren had his mask off. His dark eyes immediately landed on me and he paused mid-sentence. A dozen emotions flashed across me - longing, distrust, and fascination. 

I hadn’t seen his face in person since before I left for Korriban. 

I returned his gaze, taking in the pale skin, slightly crooked features, the intensity of his eyes. 

Ymir turned around. “You’re lovely, Siobhan,” he said. 

He was in formal robes in rich shades of black, brown, and gold. His beard had been freshly trimmed and his hair was neatly pulled back. 

“Thanks,” I replied, approaching the table. 

“It’s good to see you,” Ren said, his words stilted. He clearly wanted to talk more, but didn’t know what to say in front of Ymir. 

Thankfully, Ymir had no trouble taking control of the interaction. 

“Let’s go to the briefing room. Vice Admiral Hux will be there in ten minutes.”

“I’m ready,” I said, my hands on my hips. 

Ymir turned off the holofeed and Ren secured the mask around his face. 

We left the room together - Ymir and his two acolytes, all dressed in dark colors, our lightsabers prominent on our belts. 

**II**

There were more people in the halls now, and their eyes followed us as we passed. I mostly noticed humans, but there were Quarren, Utapaun, Chagrians with their blue skin and horn-tipped head tails, and a group of Dresselians with dark, stern expressions. 

I loved the attention. I soaked it up, keeping an aloof, disdainful expression on my face. 

When we entered an enormous briefing room, where there were droids and a couple of officers setting up. A droid was laying out carafes of caffeine and water, and placing glasses at each spot. 

Hux was standing in front of the stage at the head of the room. 

There were twenty rows of tables, arranged in tiers. The first, at the bottom, was long and curved, with consoles at every seat. The stage in front had multiple glass displays arranged in a semi-circle.

“Vice Admiral,” Ymir greet warmly, coming over to shake his hand. 

“Lord Ymir,” he said, eyes bright. 

Hux looked just how I remembered him. He was handsome, with high cheekbones and a well-shaped jawline. His eyes were bright green and shone with an excited light as he received attention from Ymir. He was in a very formal uniform, honors pinned to his chest, his red hair slicked back underneath his cap. 

“Kylo Ren was just sharing the updates on Starkiller Base. I wanted to confirm Captain Phasma’s most recent recruitment numbers,” Ymir said. 

“Of course, Sir,” Hux said, walking with Ymir to a console at the far edge of the stage. 

Ren was at my side, “There is so much I want to talk to you about,” he said, his voice low and gravelly through the mask’s audiofeed. 

“Yeah,” I replied, “Think Ymir is going to let us have any time alone?”

“Not for the next few hours,” Ren said. 

“I’ll be around,” I said with a wink. 

“Kylo Ren!” Snoke announced from the doorway. 

He was flanked by two of his crimson guards.

“Superior General,” Ren greeted, walking over and making a bow. 

I stayed right where I was, leaning against the table in the front row.

“I’ve been very pleased with the progress reports on the base,” Snoke said, “Has the engineering team finished their survey for Kyber crystals?”

“Yes, Superior General,” Ren replied as they walked, “They just completed their initial mapping and surveys. We’re waiting on the excavation machinery to arrive.”

Today, Snoke was wearing robes in shades of crimson, black, and gold, draped over his narrow, uneven frame. 

I gave him a heavy-lidded glance as he walked behind the first rows of chairs, taking a seat near the center. 

Ren looked to me, noticing the tension between us. He didn’t say anything. 

One crimson guard followed, taking a post behind Snoke’s seat. The other remained by the door. 

Ymir and Hux were done at the console. Hux walked over to Snoke and exchanged greetings. 

As Hux and Ren talked with Snoke, Ymir came over to me, placing a hand on my low back. 

“All I need you to do is stay quiet and keep to yourself. You’ll be sitting next to me,” he said, keeping his voice down. 

Officers were beginning to file into the room, clustering in small groups. The attendants who had been working on set-up moved into the next part of their responsibilities, helping people find their seats. 

Ymir guided me over to greet some of them. I shook hands and let the introductions wash over me. There were men I recognized from our military calls. I was introduced to Admirals, Generals, Vice Admirals, Lieutenant and Major Generals. They all had on crisp, black uniforms, with their pins and medals on display. 

Ren had taken a seat at the table, talking with Snoke. 

At one point, there was an officer I recognized but hadn’t seen in a very long time. 

“Admiral Clive,” I said, fighting a smile. 

“Madam,” he greeted, shaking my hand, inclining his head respectfully. 

I loved having this kind of power. 

The room was almost full, and Ymir walked me to my seat. There was an empty chair on my right, where Ymir would sit. Snoke was just one seat beyond that with Ren next to him. 

Hux had the seat to my left. We shook hands, glove to glove, as I took my chair. 

“Congratulations with your progress on Otomok,” he said in a low voice, leaning towards me.

Ymir was returning to the stage.

“Yeah, thanks,” I said. 

The lights in the room were shifting, the stage growing brighter. The men began to settle into their seats, winding down their conversations. 

“I want to hear how you managed it. I heard you established contact in person,” Hux said, his voice hissing as he whispered. 

“I’m sure we’ll get the chance,” I replied. I was going to be here all day. 

Ymir took the stage and began the event. 

He started by recognizing the accomplishments of the leadership; Admiral Clive was defending the system borders of Corellia, after their defection from the New Republic; someone else had swept a previously unknown Resistance cell in the Outer Rim; the list went on. 

I was already bored. 

After a long list of acknowledgements, Ymir paused for effect and started the briefing in earnest. 

“In five years’ time,” he said, his voice rich and confident, “We expect the First Order to have the capability of wiping out an entire star system with one attack.”

Ymir had a rock-solid kind of charisma. He spoke with certainty and conviction and looked handsome as well. He was the kind of man that other men wanted to be. 

The idea of the Starkiller Base horrified me, but I still found myself getting excited as he talked. This weapon was the largest and most ambitious project that the Galaxy had ever seen. I believed that Ymir could pull it off. 

He laid out the broad strokes of the plan, announcing which Admirals and Generals would be in charge of which projects. 

All of this had to be previously known, but now everyone was hearing the same information, at the same time, in person. 

When Ymir was done with the major announcements, he called Ren to the stage to brief us on the initial construction of the base and Resistance activity. 

Ren paced the stage as he talked, a shadow with an artificial voice. 

I learned about what he had been doing after his return from shit detail. He described the work that he and his Knights had accomplished, destroying the Resistance’s largest recruitment centers and flushing out all known cells from the Corellian system. 

It was impossible to pay attention for long. 

My thoughts kept turning to sex, remembering the way he tied me with rope, how he filled me, rough and urgent. It had been ages since I had a good hard fuck with someone who knew what they were doing. 

I watched the way he moved, his height and broad shoulders. I wanted to feel his gloved fingers running through my hair, pulling until I cried out. 

Still, I remembered how much of an asshole he had been, entitled and pompous. He wasn’t in a position to threaten me anymore. 

I sat in the dim room and drank caffeine, struggling to look alert. Unlike the council meeting, I couldn’t just sit in the dark and play games on a console. Ymir was sitting right next to me, and everyone else in the room could look down at what I was doing. So I slowly fidgeted in my seat and watched the hours trickle by in the corner of my console screen. 

My only mention came near the end, when Ymir announced that I had just established contact with a terrorist cell on Otomok and would be destroying them in the coming days. 

I was greasing their wheels, making sure their operation stayed on schedule. 

Finally, the meeting was over. 

It had been four hours of sitting still in a dark room. 

We returned to our quarters so we could change for lunch. 

Tasha put me in a different set of robes, still in shades of black and crimson, but they were looser, open at the neck, and I wouldn’t be wearing gloves. I’d still have my wide black belt with the pair of lightsabers. Tasha gave me a set of long, gold earrings that fell almost to my shoulders, and a delicate gold chain that looped many times around my neck. 

This time, when I came out of my room, I found Ekene on a sofa scrolling through a document on his tablet. 

“How was the meeting?” he asked. 

“I stayed awake the whole time,” I said with a sigh, and flopped in the chair, “You look nice.”

Ekene was very well-dressed, in gold-hued robes and metal bands woven into his locs, which were left loose around his shoulders. 

“Why thank you,” he said with a playful smile. 

Tasha left the suite. I was ready for lunch, so her work was done for now. 

“How are you doing? After what happened with Snoke?” Ekene asked, keeping his voice down. 

“I’m fine,” I said with a dismissive shrug, “As long as he stays out my way, we’ll be fine.”

“Lord Ymir was livid. He went to meet with Snoke again last night, after you went to bed.”

I didn’t want to keep talking about this. I just wanted to put it behind me and enjoy the day. 

“Thanks, Ekene,” I said.

A couple moments later, Ren came out of his room. 

His mask was off and his hair was tied back. He was wearing formal robes. They looked very similar to his usual outfit. He was dressed in shades of black and charcoal gray. The collar went high up his throat, and he was in gloves, but he didn’t have the cloak or cowl.

“I thought I was the only one they were making dress up,” I teased. 

“Lord Ymir’s orders,” Ren grumbled, taking the chair next to mine, “Ekene, do you know who they have me sitting next to?”

“General Rabinoff on the left, and Admiral Pascal on the right. They’re going easy on you,” Ekene said. 

“Who do I have?” I asked. 

“You’re not so lucky,” Ekene replied, “You’ll be sitting next to our dear Vice Admiral Hux, on your left, and Lady Kilgariff on your right. The Lady is fine, she’s a darling woman, just not very bright.”

“I had to sit next to Hux during the whole briefing,” I complained, “Can’t they mix it up a little?” I complained. 

“Lord Ymir, the Superior General, and I went over the seating arrangements. If you don’t like it, then you can stand in for me next time,” Ekene said, with a sarcastic wave of his hand. 

Ren was leaning forward, elbows on his thighs, “I didn’t hear about your last mission to Otomok.” 

“It went how I thought it would,” I replied, “I met one of their leaders in person, but I couldn’t get him to take me to their base. I told them the Resistance needs to do a scouting mission, to figure out what they need to liberate them.”

“You should have used a mind trick. He would have taken you to the base,” Ren said. 

Of course he was questioning me.

“My contact brought five fighters with him, all hidden away at the rendezvous point. If they had planned to not let me see the base, a mind trick would have really fucked things up.”

Ren tilted his head as he thought through that information. Ekene was on the couch, watching our interaction like it was his favorite holodrama. 

Ymir emerged from his room in elegant burgundy robes, with layers of navy blue, and black. He surveyed the three of us, chatting together in the sitting room. He took a seat next to Ekene, kissing his cheek, a warm light in his eyes. 

**III**

We walked together to the luncheon. 

Outside the dining hall, we were lined up in a long hallway with the top leadership so that we could enter as a group. 

Snoke and Ymir had a place at the front. Ekene was at Ymir’s side, their arms linked. Ren and I were directly behind them. 

When I turned my head, I found Raj standing behind me with the blue Twi’lek woman I recognized from my first time here. 

“Madam Siniang, such a pleasure to see you,” he said, taking my hand and kissing the back. 

Ren was giving him a distant, disdainful look. They shook hands.

With his standoffish attitude, Ren may as well have still been wearing his mask. 

Raj didn’t miss a beat, “Madam Siniang, I don’t think you were properly introduced to my companion last time. This is Thrall.”

I shook the Twi’lek woman’s hand. She was beautiful in her thin, silver dress. She wore a delicate, diamond necklace with a deep-blue gemstone at the center. 

“Thrall, this is Lord Ymir’s acolyte, Lin Siniang, the girl who fell out of the sky.”

Ren looked between us, expression narrowing. 

We didn’t have time to talk. Servants were ushering us into the dining hall and showing us to our seats. 

It was amazing how quickly I was adjusting to this kind of life. The room was massive, decorated with elaborate chandeliers. A hand painted mural took up one wall - a painting of the city with First Order emblems and other symbols I didn’t recognize. The other wall was lined with First Order banners. The table was decorated with flowers, crystal glasses, and fine plates and utensils. 

There were more than three hundred people in the room, all dressed in fine gowns and robes. 

This time, Snoke and Ymir made the toast, talking about the First Order and a united Galaxy. 

I was just grateful for the opportunity to have a drink. 

Unfortunately, the servants only refilled wine twice during the lunch. Afterwards there would be another meeting and it looked like they wanted to make sure no one fell asleep. 

Next to me, Hux kept up the conversation, talking my ear off about his time on Otomok, then talking about the construction on the base. 

Unfortunately, he had the impression that I was interested in hearing him talk. I let him rattle on, filling the time. 

As soon as the lunch was over, our large group was ushered through a corridor into a circular amphitheater with tiered seating. Servants guided us to our seats. I was on the lowest row, near the center stage, sitting next to Ren and Ekene. 

There were already people in the room - a lot of the lower-ranking officers and civilians. I guessed a thousand people total. 

Ymir took the center, a holo-display floating several meters overhead. 

This was the show for the industrialists and politicians. Everyone in this room had committed themselves to the First Order and the creation of this death engine. Now they were all about to receive a handjob and a pat on the back. 

With is booming, passionate voice, Ymir shared his vision of progress. He spun a story about how he would unite the Galaxy under First Order power and usher in a new age of prosperity and achievement. 

I couldn’t help but think of Pax Chakrei and his people, hiding out in the mountains of Otomok. He had been so grateful for so little - a few pallets of rations and clothing. The First Order was destroying their people. Ekene’s company was destroying their planet. 

I was sitting in a room filled with some of the most powerful and important people in the Galaxy. These were the people who shat on top of the mountain and never had to see where it landed. They all sat in their chairs, dazzled by Ymir’s promise that they could hold even more power and wealth than they already had. 

None of these people would ever be directly involved in the creation of the base. 

It was their slaves that would mine the materials. 

Droids, laborers, and grunts would build the damn thing. 

All these people would do is approve the plans and keep the money flowing. 

And I would be their enforcer, the mysterious girl with the scar on her face and two lightsabers.

I extended my awareness through the room. I could feel their greed and lust for power, hanging thick in the air. I could feel the pull of the Darkside - Ymir, Snoke, and Ren all exerting their control over the Galaxy. 

And now, I was one of them. 

There had been a boot on my neck my whole life and I was just starting to be respected and feared. Snoke had to resort to shocking me with lightning, and even then, Ymir was at my side to defend me. 

The speech ended with a standing ovation, then a formal military salute from all the top brass in the audience. I stood along with them. 

***

When the meeting was over, Ymir, Snoke, Ekene, had Ren all stayed behind, while the rest of the people filed out of the room. 

“You were captivating,” Ekene said, wrapping his fingers through Ymir’s and kissed his cheek. Ymir smiled, bringing his hand up to stroke the side of Ekene’s face. 

I was on the outskirts of the group, sitting in a chair, wanting to keep as much distance as possible between myself and Snoke. 

“I should go have a drink with our Admirals,” Snoke said, “I’ll see you at the reception tonight.”

He left the room, crimson armored guards returning to his side. 

Ymir began to lead us out of the room. 

“We have three hours before the evening ceremonies. Want to have a drink together?” he suggested, Ekene walking next to him. 

Ren was approaching me, offering a hand, “Could we talk?” he said, keeping his voice down, eyes fixed on me. 

“Yeah,” I said with a small nod, taking his gloved hand. 

“We’re going to take a lap around the building, but I definitely want to have a drink afterwards,” I said to Ymir and Ekene.

“Alright,” Ymir said eyes flickering between the two of us, “I’ll see you back at the rooms.” The two men headed off down the hall. 

“Where do you want to go?” I asked Ren. 

“This place is crawling with people. I wanted to have a moment alone,” he said with an irritated grumble in his voice. 

I smiled, “Let’s try the garden.”

We strode through the hallways. Ren was a step ahead, with a serious look on his face. We were surrounded by people, servants, and droids. 

He knew his way around the building. We quickly arrived at one of the gardens, but it was busy. People were strolling and gossiping under the trees. 

He was so tense and anxious, it was almost charming. I was curious about what he wanted to talk to me about. 

Leaving the garden, he took me through a maze of hallways to a secluded balcony near the back of the palace. There were doors at both ends, and he _closed_ them with a hand motion. We had a space all to ourselves. 

I moved towards the railing, leaning on my forearms, looking out over the ocean. The sun was just beginning to lower towards the sea again.

Ren was frowning as he joined me, planting his gloved hands on the stone.

“So what’s all this about?” I asked with a smile. 

He reached towards me, his knuckles under my chin, staring into my eyes, gathering himself. He lowered his hand. 

“I didn’t know Lord Ymir planned to leave you on Korriban,” he said, his voice stilted and uncomfortable. 

That wasn’t what I expected him to say. 

I had thought that I would have to ask. 

“I know you must have thought about it,” he continued, “Lord Ymir had already left you there by the time I found out.”

I took his hand, “I wondered if you knew...” I said, deciding to be honest, “Especially during those first weeks.”

Ren shook his head, squeezing my hand, “I can’t even imagine what that was like. Tell me about your time there.”

“Not right now, but sometime,” I said. “Thanks for sending Astrid. She told me you put her on that assignment.”

“I didn’t know if you were alive,” Ren said, expression tight, “Neither one of us could sense you… I tried and I couldn’t feel anything.”

I was looking at him with a newfound appreciation. He had acted like such an asshole before I went off for training. But now I was hearing this, and it sounded like he actually cared. 

“I hated the thought that Ymir could just reach out and sense me, where I was, what I was doing,” I said, my arms drawing in, “That he could just watch me whenever he wanted.” 

Ren brought his hand to the side of my face, his thumb travelling down the edge of the scar, “You are so beautiful, Siobhan,” he said, voice soft and low, guiding me towards him for a kiss. 

He was tender and passionate. Our tongues intertwined, lips pressing. 

We broke apart, his hand still resting on my cheek, his gaze fixed on me. 

“It’s so strange, I can’t feel your aura at all,” he said, a tilt to his head. I felt him extending his awareness to me - gentle, searching. “When you were on the Finalizer, your energy was constantly changing, there would be nothing, then a huge wave. Now I can’t feel anything.”

This time I leaned in for a kiss, my hand to his face, fingers running through his hair. 

“But you can feel this,” I murmured. 

He let out a growl, stepping closer, his hips against mine. He kissed me hard, a hand moving to the back of my head. I could feel his teeth. 

“Gods, I’ve wanted you for so long,” he said, voice thick with desire. 

He moved closer, and I scooted my ass up onto the stone railing behind me, opening my knees. His hips were between my legs as we continued to kiss. 

We were both in several layers of clothing, out on a balcony in the middle of the day, while the palace was filled with people. 

Ren broke away for a moment, putting the fingertips of his glove between his teeth and pulling his hand out. 

I was looking up at him, warm and wet, ready for whatever he wanted to do. 

He was pressing close to me again, his hand moving between my legs, finding his way through the layers of robes and into my pants underneath. 

I adjusted myself, tilting my hips forward. His hand was underneath my waistband, sliding over my hair, between my lips. 

I let out a little gasp, and Ren made low rumbling moan, as he pushed his fingers inside of me. I was so hot, gripping him. 

Ren rocked his fingers in the tight space, as I balanced on the balcony railing. 

I wanted it. I wanted more. 

“Ren!” I panted. 

“And it looks like you missed me too,” he growled, feeling how wet I was. 

He kept working at me with his hand. I was dripping. I would fuck him on this balcony if he wanted to. But he withdrew his hand, making me yelp with disappointment. 

“No!” I cried. 

“That’s all for now,” Ren said with sharp smile. 

He brought his hand to my mouth and pushing his fingers past my lips, over my tongue. I loved this, the arrogance, the confidence. I sucked on his fingers, tasting myself. My eyes were wide, meeting his, giving him a show. 

Ren’s eyes were dark, clouded with lust. Still, he slipped his fingers from my mouth, his hand disappearing inside of the glove again. 

“Fuck…” I groaned, putting my feet down. I was all worked up. I gave myself a little shake and Ren smiled, satisfied that I wanted him. 

“We should get back to the rooms,” he said, a teasing glint in his eye. 

***

We strode down the hallways together, people’s eyes following us as we passed them. 

It was clear that Ren didn’t enjoy the attention the way I did. I noticed his jaw tighten as he purposefully ignored the looks and stares. 

When we returned to the suite, Ymir and Ekene were sitting together on the sofa. A decanter of whiskey was on the low table, with two heavy, crystal glasses sitting out.

Ymir was in the same outfit as earlier, but Ekene was in his bathrobe, open at the chest. 

“We made it,” Ekene said, “Now all we have to do is enjoy ourselves the rest of the night.”

“Thank the gods. I thought I was going to fall asleep during all those meetings,” I said, moving to the liquor cabinet for two more glasses. 

Ren took a seat. 

“You did well in your briefing,” Ymir said to him. 

I set the glasses down on the table. Ymir leaned forward to pour for us, and added a splash to Ekene’s and his own. 

“Our plans for Starkiller Base are coming to fruition,” he said, passing the glasses for us to take, “Kylo Ren, I’m proud to have you overseeing the first stages of construction. You’ve grown into a strong leader for our troops.”

“Thank you Lord Ymir,” Ren said, inclining his head, a tinge of color in his cheeks. 

We toasted, and I appreciated the sharpness of the whiskey over my tongue. 

“So what’s next?” I asked. 

“We have an hour of downtime, then I’m going to start getting ready for the party,” Ekene said. 

“There’s a formal reception at 1900,” Ymir said, “Then a dance.”

“Good. I’ve had about as much sitting as I can take,” I said, taking a sip of my drink. 

“Remember, I get the first dance with you,” Ekene said. 

“Of course.”

“Now that we’re all together, I want to spend a moment discussing the upcoming mission to Otomok,” Ymir said, reigning the conversation in. 

“How’s Armitage taking the news?” Ekene sniped from his place on the cushions. 

“He thinks I’m doing some kind of sorcery,” I said with a smirk. 

“How, exactly, did you convince them to meet you in person?” Ren asked. 

“I’m just giving them what they want,” I said, “They’ve been hoping that the Resistance would find their signal and come save them. So that’s exactly what I’m offering.”

For the first time, Ren was regarding me with a look of respect. 

“The next stage of the plan is for the two of you to infiltrate the cell, find information about their bases, and identify their spies,” Ymir said. 

“We know they’re using short-range radios,” I said, “So I should be able to contact Madam Ghorbani and Commander Watts to make a coordinated attack as soon as we get the information.”

“We’ll be posing as Resistance soldiers?” Ren asked, eyebrow arching. 

“It’ll be more effective than if we introduce ourselves as First Order spies,” I said. 

“Siobhan,” Ymir cautioned. 

I shrugged, taking another drink, “We’ll need to come up with names and backstories,” I said, “I told them my name is Mara. I spent five years with the Resistance, so I’m not going to be digging very deep.”

I had zero confidence in Ren’s ability to pull this off. He was rigid and proud, using fear and intimidation to command people. I couldn’t imagine that he’d adjust well to a group of people hiding in unused mining tunnels.

“So you’ll be coming up with false identities. That’s exciting,” Ekene said, his drink in hand, lounging on the couch. 

A flash of anger ran through me, catching me off guard. It was easy to forget how far removed Ekene was. I didn’t know if he had ever been to Otomok. He probably hadn’t. It was just one mining colony out of dozens that his company owned. He understood it through spreadsheets and progress reports. 

“You should take a couple of days to plan and review the intelligence reports together,” Ymir said. 

“I’m going to need to make a supply run, too,” I said. 

It would be a terrible idea for Ren to go to D’Qar. I didn’t want him to interact with Vin. He’d immediately know that Ren wasn’t a smuggler.

“Fine. We’ll all plan to stay here on Taltua for a few days,” Ymir said, “I don’t see any reason for us to move if you’ll be leaving for the assignment soon.”

“I can prepare Vice Admiral Hux to assume responsibilities on the Finalizer,” Ren said. 

Ymir nodded, “We can have those conversations, but I intend for us to have a day of rest tomorrow. We’ve earned some time to enjoy our accomplishments.”

“Sounds good to me,” I said, leaning back in my chair. Finally, I’d get a day to just be hungover.

“Then everything else can wait until after tomorrow,” Ymir said, sitting back on the couch with his drink, his other hand on Ekene’s thigh. 

Outside of sharing a room on Korriban, I wasn’t sure I had ever seen him acting so casually. We had started our day at 0400, and it was close to 1700 now. He had been politicking that whole time, and we weren’t even done. 

“So tell me about what you’ve been doing,” I said, turning to Ren, “I’ve only heard briefing updates.”

“Since I returned to the Finalizer, I’ve been overseeing the first stages of the base construction,” he said, “I’m coordinating with Captain Phasma as she organizes our first shipment of recruits, and working with Juall’s team of surveyors.”

“We’ll be visiting Starkiller Base when our recruits arrive,” Ymir said, “Our first batch will be ten thousand strong.”

The thought made my head spin. 

Ten thousand recruits on an ice planet in the uncharted regions. 

“How’s Astrid doing?” I said, not wanting to talk about the base, “She was talking to me about the promotion.”

“She was such a delight,” Ekene said, “We only had a couple of conversations, but she’s whip smart. I felt like I could talk to her about anything.”

“Yeah, she’s in another department now,” Ren said, “We haven’t spoken since our final debrief.”

I shouldn’t have been surprised that he wasn’t keeping up with her, but I wanted to know how she was doing. 

He changed the subject, “Siobhan, I haven’t seen your lightsabers yet.” 

“Oh yeah!” I replied, unhooking one from my belt. I passed it over to him. 

Ren turned the hilt over in his hands, “How many kyber crystals did you find?”

“Four,” I answered.

He thumbed the dial, the green blade coming to life in front of him. “That’s a Jedi color,” he said with an arched eyebrow. 

“You don’t approve?” I said playfully. 

Ren got to his feet, my lightsaber in hand, “Let’s spar,” he said, with a sharp grin. 

“Then give me my sword back,” I said, climbing to my feet, activating my second one. 

“Make me.”

I was smiling in return. Ekene was watching, his eyes sparkling, struggling to contain his amusement. Ren was flirting, trying to impress me. I liked it. 

Ymir looked droll. We were in the middle of the suite. No one was going to make any big moves. 

I raised my second blade in front of me, parrying with Ren. Our movements were light and playful, feet moving smoothly over the carpets and stone floors. 

“You’ve improved. Last time I saw you, you barely knew how to hold a sword,” Ren said. 

I made a look of mock outrage, forcing him to block a downward swing. 

We were approaching the balcony doors and Ren reached one hand toward them, the doors swinging open under the Force. 

Outside, we had more room to move, and I didn’t need to worry about destroying furniture. 

The match was fun. We went through a few different sequences, green lightsabers humming through the air. 

Dusk was settling over the planet. The sunset was filled with brilliant pinks and oranges, reflecting off the waves below. 

Tasha appeared in the open doorway, watching us for a minute. 

I gave Ren a look and he nodded, deactivating my lightsaber. He _passed_ it to me and I took the hilt from the air, hooking it onto my belt. 

“I’m interested in how you made them. I wouldn’t expect the blades to be this stable. Using two crystals it’s harder to maintain consistent energy.”

“Thanks. I’ve put my engineering certificates to good work,” I said. I looked to Tasha, standing politely in the doorway, “Is it time to get ready?”

“Yes, madam,” she said, with a small bow.

As I walked toward her, Ren took my arm, pulling me to him for a quick kiss. “An hour and a half to put on a dress?” he teased. 

“You’ll find out why,” I replied. 

***

For my evening outfit, we started from scratch. I washed my face. Tasha combed out the braid and rinsed my hair. 

As she got me ready for the evening, I let my mind wander. 

The night seemed full of possibilities. The party was going to be one big melting pot. 

Ren and I were going to fuck, it was just a matter of when. 

Sharing a suite with Ymir and Ekene made it a little strange, but we could probably steal away somewhere. The palace was big enough. 

I wanted Raj to see me. We probably wouldn’t connect tonight. Ren would be close, and Ymir was making sure we didn’t have time together. But there was always a chance. 

Tasha worked on me from head to toe. 

She painted my nails a shimmering black. 

My make-up was bold. A rich red stain went on my lips, and she drew precise wings in heavy black eyeliner. It was theatrical. 

I loved it. 

I climbed carefully into the dress. 

It followed the contours of my body. My back was fully exposed, and the deep V in front didn’t leave much to the imagination. 

Tasha fussed at it, making tiny adjustments that so it draped just the right way in the back and didn’t let anything slip in front. 

I was going to be taking this dress off at some point and I wanted it to count. I had picked out a small, lacy pair of underwear that sat low on my hips.

The final step was jewelry and heels. I had a long, gold necklace falling in the open V of my dress. There were gold bands around my upper arms and wrists, and rings decorating most of my fingers. 

The heels were tall, around nine centimeters. I would be a bit closer to Ren’s height now. 

I took a spin in front of the floor-length mirror in my bathroom. 

“Tasha. This is incredible,” I said with a wide grin. 

Everyone was going to see me tonight. 

“Thank you, madam,” she replied. 

There wasn’t anything left to primp or adjust. I was ready for the night. 

When I returned to the common room, Ren was sitting alone at the table with a drink. 

“Siobhan,” he said, rising to his feet. 

“You haven’t even seen the best part yet,” I said with a curling smile, and a tilt to my hips. 

I spun around, showing off the open back. 

Ren approached me, taking my hand. There was desire and violence in his gaze and I felt myself getting wet. 

He ran his gloved hand down my left arm with a dark, thoughtful expression on his face. 

“I didn’t know about these,” he said, his fingertips travelling across the uneven hatch-mark tattoos and scars. 

“I made one for every day I was on Korriban. It helped me keep track,” I said. 

Ren _reached_ for me gently.

> Will you let me see?

I hesitated.

This was Kylo Ren. Did I want to let him into my mind, into my memories? 

He was the only person, besides Ymir, that could possibly understand what I had gone through. He would understand what it meant to be abandoned in that place.

I let out a long slow exhale, opening those memories to him.

> The desert is dark and empty around me. 
> 
> I’m staring at the dying embers of my cookfire. Pain, fear, and loneliness are scrabbling for space in my chest. 
> 
> I don’t know how many days it’s been. I don’t know how many days I have left. 
> 
> The idea to tattoo myself comes on suddenly. 
> 
> I’m so lost out here. I can’t afford to lose myself. 
> 
> The knife parts my skin, the tip smudged with black paste. 
> 
> I hiss with pain as I make the wound. I can taste the metal between my teeth. 
> 
> There is clarity in the sensation. 
> 
> I watch the mixture of ash, water, and blood, running down my arm like an offering. 

Ren took in a deep, growling breath as he experienced the memory as if it was his own. 

He brought the inside of my forearm to his lips, pressing them against my scarred skin. A wave of goosebumps spread up my arm and down my legs. 

Ymir and Ekene’s door opened suddenly, startling both of us. 

Ekene was immediately grinning, headed my way, “Siobhan, you are an absolute vision. May I?” he asked, offering his hand. He was wearing white gloves with his green and blue robes. 

He led me through the opening steps of a dance, his hand around my waist, twirling me. 

Ren stood on the sidelines, not happy that Ekene was the one sweeping me off my feet. 

“Is everyone ready?” Ymir asked, reigning us in. 

“I am,” Ren answered. 

Ekene stopped dancing with me, giving me a kiss on the cheek. 

I noticed that Ren had been dressed up for the event. He was wearing all black robes, covered from neck to feet. They had a different cut from what he had worn earlier - broader at the shoulders and narrower at the waist. His hair was loose around his shoulders, waving on either side of his face. 

“Let’s go,” Ymir said. 

**IV**

For us, the party began in an intimate ballroom with the most elite members of our group. Military men mixed with politicians and industrialists, their wives on their arms. 

There was a small, round stage set up in a decorated corner of the room, where a quartet was playing sophisticated background music. 

When we arrived, there were about thirty people in the room, with more trickling in. I recognized several of the top-ranking Generals and Admirals. They weren’t in uniform. 

Everyone was dressed elaborately, in their finest robes, gowns, and furs. The women were decorated with sparkling gemstones and complicated hairstyles. 

A servant, wearing a slick black uniform, appeared at our side to serve us drinks. 

Ymir led the way through the room, his arm around Ekene’s waist. Ren walked next to me, expression drawn in and serious. 

He clearly did not like parties. 

Our first stop was to visit Snoke, seated near the back of the room. He was among a collection of Admirals and Generals that I recognized, but I couldn’t remember their names. One of Snoke’s crimson, armored guards stood behind his chair, blank and impassive. 

“Good evening,” Ymir said. 

I noticed Snoke eyeing my outfit with obvious disapproval and fought the urge to smirk. 

The men were all discussing business. I joined when there was an opportunity. My stories were becoming very rehearsed. I knew exactly when people would laugh and react. 

Ren kept to the sidelines, looking uncomfortable in the space. I noticed that he only spoke when someone else engaged him. He maintained a distant, disdainful expression. 

It was interesting to watch Ymir and Snoke together. 

Ymir was strong, handsome, and charismatic. He made people feel special. Snoke was less sociable, tending towards scowls and disapproval that twisted his asymmetrical features. His crimson guards stood in the background, a constant threat.

Thankfully, Snoke continued to ignore me. There was an icy truce between us for the day. 

Our group was swiftly growing as more people arrived. 

Hux, and another officer I didn’t know, came by. There were a couple of industrialists, fat men wearing jewelry and fine robes. 

Servants came by with drinks, and tiny snacks that looked more like art than food. 

Rajendra came in with a familiar entourage. He was in elegant blue and silver robes, his collar high and white, a gray ascot at his neck. Thrall, his Twi’lek woman, was in a very sheer, shimmering black dress. The cut of it was conservative, drapeding across her shoulders and travelling to the ground, but it was almost see-through. On his other arm was the orange-skinned Togruta, dressed in a white dress of the same cut. 

I felt his blue eyes on me, taking in my form. Tonight, Raj was all charm. He kept the group focused on him as he shared stories and gossip. 

The last major arrival was Madame Dahn. 

Her entrance was just like at the opera house. This time, her little train of Togruta boys were dressed in dark robes, and the small assistant was in a slinky, black dress. 

“Lord Ymir, you’re always a sight for sore eyes,” she greeted as he embraced her, kissing both cheeks. 

She wore a white dress, glittering gemstones sewn into her bustier, and a black fur drape around her shoulders. Her curls were woven around an intricate halo of a headdress. 

Ekene gave her a hug and a kiss, and she made her way through our group, stealing all the attention. 

“Raj, darling, you haven’t visited me in over a cycle. You have to come out to Lanz Carpo soon,” she said as he kissed her hand. “Kylo Ren, I haven’t seen you in years,” she said, giving him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. In her heels, she was just a touch taller than he was. 

Ren was immune to her charms, he drew farther inward as she fawned over him. 

“Now you are a delight,” she said when she got to me, taking my hand and kissing both of my cheeks, “That dress is fabulous. You’ll have to tell me who made it.”

After she made the rounds, she walked hand in hand with Ymir to the stage, the quartet moving back and arranging the microphone. Ymir made the first speech of the night as servants distributed fresh drinks. 

We toasted to the First Order. I mouthed the words and drank deeply.

Madame Dahn took the stage after Ymir. She was a real show-woman in her glittering gown and furs. One of the members of her entourage had carried a pair of ornate white fans that she danced with. 

Her first songs were standards, popular songs that everyone knew. Then, when she had the full attention of her audience, they grew more suggestive and scandalous. She talked to the little quartet like they were friends, having fun with the melodies. 

This was much more fun than sitting in a stuffy opera box. 

She sang for about half an hour, then our group was ushered out to a balcony. 

Below us, another party was underway on the terrace. It was for the lesser officers and politicians. Their music, laughter, and conversation drifted upwards. 

A band from their floor began to play a military march. 

We were looking out over the cliffs towards the horizon. The ocean caught the light of the moon, flickering over the waves. 

Our group was shoulder to shoulder on the balcony. I was standing next to Ekene, Ymir’s arm was around his waist. Behind me was Ren, pressed close, his gloved hand resting on my low back. 

A fireworks show started out over the ocean. It was a magnificent cascade of light and thunder, charges layers on one another to create intricate patterns in the sky. The band played on, rousing patriotic music that drifted up to us on the second floor. 

After the display, we joined the larger party in the ballroom. 

No expense had been spared. 

There were two bands, one in the ballroom and one on the terrace patio. Aerial performers twirled and spun above us. The servants were dressed in stylish black uniforms, the women’s dresses were cut low in front and high on the leg. 

I noticed more women in the room than I had seen all day. They were gathered around the officers, wearing elegant dresses, jewelry, and perfect make up. My guess was that they weren’t their wives. 

This was my scene. The music was thrumming. The crowd was making a low roar as they talked and drank and danced, having a good time. 

I made good on my promise to Ekene. He swept me out on the floor and we danced for two songs before Ymir took him from me. 

I let myself be absorbed in the crowd, keeping a drink in hand. 

By now, I had been introduced to a significant number of the people. I moved between groups, joining in for conversations, accepting invitations to dance. 

I watched Rajendra with his women, at the center of a group of industrialists. 

Ren had disappeared. He wasn’t in any of the groups I moved through. I didn’t see him with Snoke. 

My mind was humming with alcohol. I found myself in a gaggle of officers, entertaining them with my story of taking out the Stardogs. Laughter rippled through the group as I described Axel giving me all the information I needed, and then Jakkar bringing me aboard with a tractorbeam. 

Hux was listening. When I was done with my story, he asked me to dance. He was stiff and his hands were clammy, trying not to touch the bare skin exposed by my dress. 

I was a Sith, and he didn’t want to risk finding out how I’d react if he copped a feel. 

Ymir was on the floor with Madame Dahn. The pair looked lovely together, tall and graceful, completely in sync. 

I danced with Hux for one song, then kissed him on the cheek. He blushed furiously as I moved back into the crowd. 

As I took a lap through the party, I found Ren leaning against a wall. His arms were crossed over his chest. He looked irritated and bored. 

“Having fun?” I asked. 

He sighed and made a wry grimace, looking to the side, “You seem to be enjoying yourself.”

“Drinking and dancing, of course I am.”

“Is Hux a good dancer?” he asked, an eyebrow arching.

“Sweaty palms,” I said, taking a drink from a tray passing by, “Gotta give him credit for trying, though.”

So Ren had been watching me. 

“Want the next dance?” I asked with a smile, tilting my glass up. 

“I don’t dance,” he said with a disdainful shake of his head. 

“Suit yourself,” I replied with a shrug. 

He stayed close as I weaved through the crowds. I was on the hunt to find the next exciting event at the party. 

I still wanted to connect with Raj, but that would be impossible with Ren following me like a shadow. 

We bumped into Ymir, Ekene, and Madame Dahn. They were in a close circle of politicians and industrialists. 

Ymir and Ekene were sociably drunk. They were animated and charming in their conversations, looser than normal. Ymir’s arm was around Ekene’s waist, or resting against his low back. I liked seeing this side of him. It reminded me that he was still a person. 

Ren was quiet and standoffish, keeping to the edge of the group, but wanting to be close to me. 

“Lin, I haven’t had a dance with you yet,” Ymir said during a lull in the conversation. 

I gave him my hand. 

We moved along the floor. I loved the sure and confident way he guided me through the steps, his large calloused hand at my waist. We were on the floor for two songs before he returned to the group with Ekene and Madame Dahn. 

Ren had disappeared again. 

I went off in search of something entertaining. I made a circuit of the party, slowly nursing a drink. I was feeling the alcohol and didn’t feel like getting sloppy drunk. I was already seeing some men with red faces and open collars, laughing too loud, grabbing at the servers. 

I had paused by a column, leaning against the cool stone, when Raj found me. 

“I wasn’t expecting Lord Ymir to let you out of his sight,” he said, touching his glass to mine as he pulled up next to me. 

“Oh, I think he’s busy enjoying himself,” I replied cooly. 

I felt Raj’s eyes lingering on me in my scandalous dress. “You look stunning.”

“I know,” I replied easily, “Don’t you already have two dates tonight?”

I was going to play hard to get. I didn’t want him to know that I was excited to talk with him.

Raj smirked at my response, “They’re perfectly capable of amusing themselves.”

I’m sure they were. “Two dates, and still you’re over here talking to me. Seems a little greedy,” I said, taking a sip of my drink, staring out at the crowd. 

Men like Raj enjoyed a little needling. They were surrounded by yes-men and brown-nosers. Anyone who didn’t take their shit was automatically interesting. 

“I’m a greedy man, and you’ve managed to capture my attention,” he replied, just as cool.

“So what, exactly, is your relationship with Lord Ymir?” Raj asked, turning to me, blue eyes piercing, “I know you’re living at his estate. He’s been showing you off like you’re a prize he just won.”

“I don’t think my relationships are any of your concern,” I shot back. 

Raj traced a finger down my upper arm, his eyes glittering and hungry. “I’m trying to figure out if you’re already spoken for this evening. I’d like to have you in my rooms tonight, with me and my girls. Or just me, if you prefer.”

It was tempting. I knew I would have a good time with him and his women, but then I’d have Ymir and Ren throwing a shit fit if I disappeared to his rooms for the night. 

I met his gaze, letting my eyes travel along him, letting him know I was interested. 

“I’m already spoken for tonight,” I finally said, “I’m sure the three of you will manage.”

Raj’s took my hand, kissing the back. He was a man who always got what he wanted, and I could tell he thought this was just part of the game.

“Any of the servants can see you to my room if you change your mind,” he said. 

I made a slow, curling smile at his brazen, wolfish behavior. 

I spotted Ren approaching from my left as Raj disappeared into the crowd. 

“What was all that about?” he asked with a dark look, gazing after Raj. 

“Oh, he was just inviting me to a threesome after the party,” I said breezily. 

Ren didn’t know what to say. I watched him churn through the information, searching for a way to respond. 

I laughed and put a hand on his chest.

“I didn’t accept,” I said, “I’m sure he’s just trying to find new ways to piss Ymir off.”

But I would have joined him if the situation was different.

“I just wanted to make sure he wasn’t bothering you,” Ren said stiffly. 

“Such a gentleman,” I said with a mischievous smile. 

I took Ren’s hand, leading him through the crowds. 

The party was beginning to unravel, the way all parties did at this time of night. 

The alcohol had been flowing for hours. The officers were acting like they didn’t have any responsibilities the next day. They were loud and handsy. The music on the dance floor was growing faster. 

“Would you come back to the room with me?” Ren asked in a low voice, leaning close to my ear. 

Goosebumps traveled down my neck, between my shoulderblades. 

“Think we’ll actually have some time alone?”

“Lord Ymir and Ekene just left to have drinks with the Admirals. They’ll be gone for hours.”

“All right,” I said, “Let’s get out of here.”

**V**

We walked back to the suite together, anticipation tugging at me. 

Ren’s desire, his intensity, was attractive all on its own. 

When we arrived at the suite, he wasted no time taking me to his room. 

He pulled me to him as soon as we were through the door, my hands against his chest. He was rough, one hand on my upper back, the other grabbing my ass. 

“Siobhan, I’ve wanted to fuck you since the first moment I saw you,” he growled, his teeth nipping my tongue then my lower lip. 

Heat was blooming in my low belly - a warm anticipation. 

Ren broke away, turning on lights. 

The room was comfortable. There was a large bed in the corner, a military trunk at the end. I noticed Ren’s mask resting on top. The floors were decorated with rugs. There was a sitting area and plants by the bay windows that led to the balcony. 

Once the lights were on, Ren returned to me. He ran one gloved finger down the open V of my dress. 

I was hot between my legs as his eyes took me in, his expression serious and intense. It was like he was seeing me for the very first time. 

He brought a hand to my low back, pulling me to him, squeezing a breast as he kissed me. 

Ren took a step back and began pushing my dress down. 

He was deliberate as he removed my clothes, gently tugging the silk down my hips and legs. He offered me a hand, helping me step out of the snarl of fabric. 

I stood in nothing but my lacy underwear, jewelry, and high heels. 

Ren didn’t say a word as he explored my body with his fingertips, still wearing his leather gloves. He devoured me with his eyes and hands, tugging at my nipples, playing with the barbells, pulling sharply until I gasped. 

I swayed in my heels, standing exposed in the room. 

As he worked me up, his motions became rougher. He grabbed a breast in his hand and took my nipple into his mouth, running his tongue around it before using his teeth. 

Soon I was crying out, my clit aching for attention. 

He took his time. 

After teasing my nipples, he stepped away, walking in a slow circle around me, his gloved fingertips dragging along my skin. 

When he was behind me, he grabbed my hips roughly, tilting me forward, then he delivered three sharp smacks to my ass. 

Pain bloomed across my flank and I cried out in pleasure. 

He reached around me and ran a hand up my chest, pinching a nipple along the way, his hand coming to rest on my throat, pulling me backwards, closer to him. 

“This is what you need?” he asked, voice low in my ear. 

“Yes,” I said, my voice breathy. 

His hips were pressed against my ass and I wriggled in his grip. I thought I felt his cock behind me. 

“Use my name,” he ordered, hand tightening around my throat. 

“Yes...Kylo Ren,” I gasped. 

He released some of the pressure on my throat, delivering three sharp smacks to my other asscheek. 

A familiar fuzziness was starting to creep over my mind. 

Ren knew what I wanted. I would do what he asked as he mixed pain and pleasure, using my body. 

“Get on your hands and knees,” he commanded. 

I did as I was told, lowering myself onto the rug. 

Behind me, Ren was taking off the layers of his robes, dropping them on the floor. He leaned over, snapping my lacey thong before slapping each asscheek, this time with his bare hands. 

I was still wearing all my jewelry, the necklace dangled onto the floor beneath me, the gold bands still on my arms and bangles around my wrists. 

He tugged my heels off, throwing the shoes to the side, then got into position behind me, unfastening his pants. 

Ren wasn’t nice. He roughly pushed my underwear to the side. The head of his cock was resting between my lips. 

“Gods you’re wet,” he groaned, starting to push inside me. 

“Yes…” I moaned, shifting my hips back towards him. 

“Not so fast,” he growled, a hand on my low back to stop me. 

He thrust forward, sinking deeply into me with one smooth motion. 

I let out a long cry of pleasure. 

Ren was reaching for my hair, pulling it from the careful updo, wrapping the tail of it around his fist as he began to pound me. 

He fucked me with abandon. 

His hands grasped at my waist, then pressed my shoulders down. He grabbed at my breasts and delivered heavy slaps to my ass and thighs. 

It was like he was reclaiming me, greedy and possessive. 

I was gripping the rug beneath me, moaning and screaming as he bottomed out, loving the onslaught of weight and pressure. 

My mind slipped into that peaceful place that welcomed the pain and intensity

Without warning, he slid out of me. I let out a sharp cry of surprise and frustration. 

“Get on the bed,” he said, voice thick with lust. 

I crawled forward on the bed and Ren flipped me onto my back with a smooth sweep of his arm. 

My legs were around his waist. He had the back of my skull cradled in his hand, the other bracing himself on top of the sheets. 

He began thrusting, finding the spot that made me scream, muscles clenching, growing wetter around him. 

I bucked my hips to meet his, shuddering and moaning. 

“Look at me,” Ren panted. 

I felt his awareness, _reaching_ towards me. 

“Let me in,” he commanded. 

I was beyond myself, completely unguarded. 

Ren took in every sensation as it moved through my body and my mind. Our awareness tangled together. 

He knew what he was doing to me as he filled me with his cock. I could feel him in return, all the longing, the hot closeness as he filled me. 

My breath was speeding up, the wave building in my low belly. 

“Ren!” I gasped urgently, a tremble running through my legs. 

He was staring at me, and I felt pinned under his dark gaze. He knew I was close and I felt him holding back, restraining himself as my pleasure built.

> Use my name.

“Kylo…” I gasped, breath catching in my throat, warmth spreading through my low belly, across my thighs. 

I felt his hand on the back of my skull, his eyes fixed on mine. 

“Ren! I’m coming!” I shouted, staring up at him, spasming and gasping, the waves of my orgasm radiating across my body. 

“Siobhan!” he cried out, a shudder rolling through him as he curled forward, cock pulsing inside of me. 

My muscles squeezed him as my body responded, warm aftershocks. 

Ren was panting. He slid his weight on top of me for a moment before rolling to the side, cock slipping wetly out of me. 

Still catching my breath, I reached for his hand. 

There was a dull, satisfied ache between my legs. My nipples were sensitive, and I began to feel the places where his hand had made impact on my ass and thighs. 

He pulled me close, arms wrapping tightly. 

“Siobhan…” he murmured, lips pressing against my forehead. 

I brought a hand up, brushing a lock of hair away from his face, tucking it behind his ear.

“That was alright,” I sighed, a playful sparkle in my eyes. 

Ren barked a laugh, bringing a hand under my jaw. His grip just tight enough to be a little threatening. He moved on top allowing his weight to press me down. 

“It was all right?” he teased, bringing his other hand between my legs, pushing inside, feeling my heat, my wetness mixed with his come. 

I gasped and wriggled beneath him. 

I expected him to stop after a moment, but he continued to move his hand with a slow urgency, working me back up. 

Soon I was ready to go again, fresh desire surging through me. 

Ren was growling with approval, sitting upright, maintaining a steady rhythm with his hand. 

He began to roughly grab at my breasts, pulling at the barbells in my nipples, delivering sharp smacks to the sides. 

I yelped, my body responding to the pain. 

From this position, I was able to watch him, taking in his body. 

There was a certain kind of fascination to being naked in bed with a man who usually kept himself hidden behind a mask. His skin was pale and smooth. His broad shoulders sloped forward. I admired the muscles of his chest and shoulders. 

I met his eyes as he filled me with his fingers, finding the places that made my toes curl. 

Soon he repositioned himself, bringing his tongue between my legs. 

Ren nuzzled against my thighs, kissing and biting the tender skin, making me yelp. He moved up my legs, kissing my outer lips, removing his fingers to dip his tongue into me. He flicked his tongue against my clit, listening to my moans. 

He returned his fingers to me, rumbling growls of pleasure as I responded to his touch. My hips were bucking as he found a perfect rhythm, the tip of his tongue against my clit. 

I was already close. I had been worked up all day, anticipation and attention keeping me hot. 

Ren wasn’t letting me off easy. He made me wait, bringing me close to a plateau before backing away again. 

“Please…” I groaned, head pressed back against the mattress, my jaw clenched and fists tight. 

“You have to wait…” he murmured, lips brushing my sensitive skin.

He continued to work on me, and I felt warmth spreading along my thighs, working its way up my spine. 

I was right on the edge, mind growing fuzzy with need. 

“Please...Ren...please…” I begged, hands gripping the sheets, legs squirming, hips rolling.

His fingers were deep inside of me, keeping a steady, rocking motion. He knew I was about to break. He was completely self-assured as he played my body.

I surrendered myself to it with a long sigh. His tongue moved over me in that perfect rhythm. 

My orgasm was inevitable. I drew in a slow breath, savoring those sweet moments of pleasure right before the big wave broke. 

I screamed as my muscles tightened, trembling and spasming, wetness flooding between my legs. 

He didn’t give me any time to recover. 

Ren flipped me onto my stomach, climbing on top of me, hard cock filling me for the final moments of my orgasm. 

His hands gripped my ass tight enough to make me cry out in pain. He was possessive, using my body like an object, taking his own pleasure after he had delivered mine. He fucked me as hard as he wanted. I screamed and bucked beneath him, losing myself. 

When he was done with that position, he pulled up next to my face, standing on his knees in the bed, cock jutting out in front of him. 

He had his hand at the base of my skull, drawing me towards him, thrusting into my mouth.

I swallowed him and wrapped my hand around his cock. 

“No…” he growled, pushing my hand away. 

Ren had his fingers wrapped through my hair, making me swallow him whole, watching as I struggled to take his length. 

I moaned around him, relaxing into his heavy thrusting. 

It wasn’t long until he erupted, come filling my mouth. I swallowed, throat pulsing around him, tasting salt and an edge of sourness on the back of my tongue. 

Ren was panting, long hair swaying with his breath, chest rising and falling, knees planted wide on the bed. 

I purred with contentment, making a show of wiping my spit from the sides of my mouth. 

He made a contented growl, sinking onto his heels reaching out a hand to caress the side of my face. 

“Gods, there is still so much I want to do to you…”

I drew myself forward, kissing his cheek. 

“Ready for round three already?” I teased. 

He roughly pinched a nipple, making me yelp, “I need a minute.”

“We should have a drink,” I said, falling backwards onto the sheets. 

Ren propped himself up on his elbows, still catching his breath, “Then go get us one.”

I pushed myself out of bed and left the room, naked except for my jewelry. 

I made a stop by my room, shucking off the necklace, armbands, and bangles. I grabbed a black, lacy robe and pulled it around my shoulders. 

There was a bottle of sweet white wine on the liquor cabinet. I took it, along with two delicate, crystal glasses. 

When I came back to the room, Ren had already put on pants. The loose black fabric was slung low across his hips. 

“I like that,” he said as he looked up. Ren motioned for me to come over to the bed. 

I approached him with an exaggerated sway. I loved the hungry look in his eyes. I left the bottle and glasses on the trunk. 

As I pulled up at the edge of the bed, he reached forward and untied my robe, tracing a finger down my sternum, past my belly button, travelling down the inside of my thigh. He wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me to him until I straddled his lap. 

This time he was gentle. We kissed in the bed for a long time, his hand at the side of my face, fingers smoothly moving through my hair. 

“I thought I might never see you again…” he said as our lips parted. 

His sincerity took me by surprise. I put a hand around his, squeezing. “Let’s go out on the balcony,” I said. 

I picked up the bottle on the way, not bothering to close my robe. 

Outside, the night air was cool, smelling like the ocean. The stars were twinkling above us, the moon beginning its journey towards the horizon. We were only a few hours away from dawn.

The sounds of the party still drifted in the air; laughter, music, and the drunken yells of people having a good time. 

I _pulled_ the cork from the bottle and threw it over the railing toward the dark ocean beneath us. 

I held the bottle up in a toast, “Kylo Ren,” I began, making my tone very official, “You survived your wild goose chase in Anoat. You have conquered Resistance cells for the First Order. Now you’re overseeing the construction of the most dangerous weapon the Galaxy has ever seen.” 

His eyes were bright, trying to keep his expression in check, waiting to see where I was going. 

“I survived my training on Korriban, and here we stand reunited, on the eve of our first mission together,” I continued with a grin, “To shit detail!”

I handed Ren the bottle as I finished the toast. 

“To shit detail,” he said, tamping his smile down to take a pull from the bottle. 

He handed it back and I took a long drink before putting the bottle down. 

From inside came the sound of our suite door opening. 

“Fuck…” Ren murmured, taking my forearm to lead me inside. 

I shook my head, my eyes sparkling mischievously. 

Ymir and Ekene had returned. 

Ren gave me a sour look and let go, ducking through the doors that lead to his room. 

“I’m out here!” I called, walking into the main room, the neck of the bottle in my hand. 

Ymir and Ekene were drunk, their eyes bright, standing close together in some combination of leaning on each other and holding each other up. 

“You are still a vision,” Ekene said as he eyed me in my robe, now draped loosely over me, “Don’t tell me you’re in here alone.”

I laughed. “How was the party with the Generals?” I asked. 

Ren emerged from his room, now wearing a shirt and an uncomfortable scowl. 

“The Generals are doing just fine,” Ymir said, walking towards his door, “I’m calling it a night.”

“Training at 0500?” I teased. 

“You’re welcome to it,” Ymir shot back, over his shoulder, from his open doorway.

“Goodnight,” Ekene said as he slipped inside and closed the door. 

I took one last swig from the bottle, before leaving it on the low table in the sitting room. I joined Ren in his room, dropping my robe on the floor. 

He turned off the lights and pulled me into the bed. 

We kissed, bodies pressed close in the dark. My head was swimming with alcohol and satisfaction.

Soon I was drifting off, head resting on the pillow, Ren’s arm draped heavily over me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who patiently waited while Kylo Ren was out of the picture for a million chapters. ;)
> 
> Our next few chapters are covering Siobhan and Ren infiltrating a group of freedom fighters on Otomok. We'll see how they handle the responsibilities and navigate their feelings.
> 
> Hope everyone enjoys the holidays!
> 
> Thanks again for reading! As always, love to hear from you in the comments.


	10. Finishing Touches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren and Siobhan are reunited and getting to know each other as Sith acolytes. 
> 
> This story starts with morning sex and just keeps going...
> 
> I meant to have some plot progression, but I've been travelling and doing holiday stuff and didn't get around to it. :)
> 
> Kylo Ren will be on an undercover mission with Siobhan to destroy a cell of guerrilla fighters so there are plenty of twists and turns on the way.

**I**

I woke to Ren’s arms around me, squeezing, pulling close. 

The room was dark. It wasn’t even morning yet. 

“What’s going on?” I asked, disoriented in the new bed and the unfamiliar room. 

“I’ve been awake for an hour. I couldn’t sleep,” Ren said, his voice a low whisper in my ear. 

He moved in closer, kissing my neck. 

I was cranky about being woken up, but this was the first time in a long time that I was sharing a bed with someone. 

Ever since I had been taken on by Ymir, I had become separated from the world. I was far from my own life. People weren’t free to just be around. Astrid was risking her position and reputation. Erdoven and Aurelia knew they couldn’t spend the night with Ymir’s Sith apprentice. 

Ren’s arms were heavy and comforting. We were warm under the blankets. I moved closer, my back against his chest. 

His hands moved to my breasts, fingers teasing my nipples. He had fucked me hard last night. I was sore, but my body began to respond to his touch. 

I could feel his hard cock rubbing against my ass and I wriggled against him, my breath catching as he slid a hand between my legs. 

“I knew you’d be wet,” he growled in my ear.

He moved his fingers between my lips, dipping inside of me, giving me a taste. 

I began to moan, my own hips moving, urging him to finger me, but he took his hand away. 

Ren turned me onto my back, kneeling between my knees, his cock standing up from his lap. 

He ran a hand down my chest, gripping tight when he reached my hips. My legs were spread beneath him and he pushed inside of me with a groan. 

I sighed as he filled me. 

At this quiet, dark hour of the morning, Ren didn’t have the same urgency. He slowly stroked me, his hands on my hips, travelling under my ass, holding me in the exact position he wanted. 

He slowly thrusted, making soft low grunts as he pushed, filling me. 

“I want to be on top,” I said. 

“You want to ride me?” he replied, a hand on my low belly. 

“Yes!” I gasped as he found a sweet spot deep inside. 

Ren scooped me towards him and moved onto his back. I had my hands on his chest, readjusting my hips, feeling his cock from another angle. 

I rubbed my clit against him as I squeezed. 

Ren made an appreciative moan, hands running smoothly down the curves of my waist. 

I bounced on him, getting into a rhythm I liked, rolling my hips. 

“Put your arms behind your back,” Ren growled. 

It took far more work to stay upright. I had to concentrate. 

He began to give more attention to my nipples, thumbs rubbing over the sensitive skin. I was turned on, pleasure building in me. 

“Ren!” I gasped as I slid myself along his length, my nipples hard under his attention. 

I was close, but I needed a different kind of pressure. 

“Ren...I need more…” I moaned. 

He was grinning, sitting upright and turning me onto my back again. His thumb moved to my clit as he thrust. He found the right pace, cock filling me, hand rubbing at that sensitive spot. 

My arms were around his neck, teeth against his shoulder. 

“Ren!” I cried. 

I spasmed on his cock, arms tightening, thighs gripping him. 

He kept fucking me, feeling the waves of my orgasm, my shaking, the tightness in my belly. 

When I let out a long slow sigh, he slid out from me. 

“I want to come in your mouth,” he said, voice thick with lust. 

He was climbing out of bed. I moved to the edge, leaning forward. His hands were wrapping through my hair at the base of my skull. 

I swallowed him, keeping my throat tight, my tongue arched, putting pressure on the head of his cock. 

He was moving his hips faster now, his hand keeping my head right where he wanted it. 

Ren was crying out, a guttural masculine sound.

His cock pulsed and I tasted his come. 

With his hand on the back of my skull, he slid his cock along my tongue, taking the final moments of pleasure from his orgasm. 

When he was done, he collapsed in the bed next to me, one hand across his belly, chest rising and falling. 

I rearranged myself, giving him a kiss on the cheek, before resting my head on his shoulder. 

He pulled me to him, a satisfied sigh escaping his lips. 

Wrapped in a sweaty tangle on the bed, we drifted off again. 

*** 

When I woke, daylight was flooding through the windows at the far end of the room. 

I turned my head and realized that Ren was awake, watching me. 

“You slept, right?” I groaned, rubbing at my eyes. My hands came away with dark smudges. I hadn’t washed my face the night before. 

“For a while,” Ren said, “I’m usually training right now.”

“I’m so we have the day off. If Ymir told us we had training after that party, I would have mutinied.”

Ren kissed me, a smile making lines on his face. 

I showered, washing the make-up off and the alcohol out of my pores. The beginnings of a hangover were pulling at my brain. 

Ren got in the shower after I was done, and I left his room in my lacy robe. 

Ymir and Ekene were on the sofa in the sitting room, a newsfeed pulled up on the holoscreen. The two men were laying side by side in loose casual clothes. 

It felt like the aftermath of a party. Everyone had a good time, and now we were spent, trying to recover, nursing our hangovers. 

“Morning,” I said, raising a hand. 

“Morning,” Ekene replied, not even bothering to look my way. 

There was a carafe of caffeine on the table, and plates with fruit, pastries, and meat laid out. 

I took a mug and joined the two men. I sat on the far end of the sofa, next to their feet. My hair was damp around my shoulders and I let my legs splay out in front of me, completely relaxed while I drank caffeine. 

The news was almost exclusively about the Core Worlds - politics, business, and disasters. 

None of us were truly paying attention. It was like like mornings in the brothel, we were sitting together, trying to return ourselves to the world around us. 

A few minutes later, Ren emerged from his room, dressed in black robes, his hair hanging on either side of his face. 

“Lord Ymir,” he greeted, his tone still formal.

“Morning,” Ymir said, lifting one arm off of Ekene in greeting. 

“Want a spot on the sofa?” I asked, scooting over. There wasn’t much room left for another person. 

“No,” Ren replied, eyeing the three of us slumped on the furniture. 

“Hux will be joining us for lunch,” Ymir said, “It’ll be a short meeting. You can give him his orders for the Finalizer.”

“How long until I have to put on clothes?” I groaned. 

“You have time,” Ymir said. 

Ren took a seat at the table to eat breakfast while the three of us lounged around, the news as background noise. 

**II**

Ren kept to himself until the meeting.

His expression said that he expected us to be doing something more productive, or at least different. When it was obvious we were just going to be sitting around, he returned to his room. 

We had a few hours of lazy nothingness before Ymir told Ekene and I to get ready. 

I pulled on training clothes. I wasn’t going to bother with a full set of formal robes for a meeting with Hux. I wrapped my hair in a loose braid and attached my lightsabers to my belt. I looked very different from yesterday.

When I emerged, there was a service droid setting the table. Ymir and Ren sat at the far end with a holoscreen pulled up and tablets out, reviewing orders together. Ren had his mask on, and Ymir was dressed in dark robes, his hair loose around his shoulders. 

Ymir’s eyes flickered over me, “You could have done better than that,” he said. 

I shrugged and took a seat. 

Hux came in dressed in his crisp black uniform. He took off his military cap as he entered. His hair was slicked back, nothing out of place. The circles under his eyes were the only sign he had been partying all night.

“Lord Ymir, Kylo Ren,” he greeted with a short bow, “Lin Siniang.”

“Vice Admiral, come in, take a seat,” Ymir greeted warmly. 

Hux took the one next to me. 

“How was the rest of the party?” I asked with a wink. 

“I don’t think any of the officers went to sleep until after the sun was up,” he said with a sigh, resting his forearms on the table. He was tired

I grinned at his response, “This was my first time at one of these get-togethers,” I turned to Ymir, who was resetting the holofeed, “We should do these more often to keep up troop morale.”

Ymir gave me a cautioning look. 

Ekene stepped into the main room wearing a familiar outfit, a linen shirt with a brilliant blue silk robe over it. 

“Vice Admiral,” he greeted, shaking Hux’s hand before taking a seat next to Ren. 

Julian and a service droid came in to serve us lunch. I hadn’t been ready to eat at the start of the day, and I gratefully dug in while Ymir and Ren covered the duties on the Finalizer. Ekene also sat on the sidelines, waiting for the meeting to be over. 

Ren did most of the talking, covering missions in progress and work being done by his Knights. Hux listened attentively, and I saw the hunger in his eyes. He was thrilled to be taking over operations on the ship. He’d finally be the commanding officer on one of the most powerful vessels in the fleet, even if it was temporary.

“After Ren and Siniang complete their mission to Otomok, all of us will be travelling to Starkiller base,” Ymir said, stepping in at the end of the meeting, “Captain Phasma is right on schedule with her recruits. We’ll be there to oversee their arrival and greet Juall’s team of engineers.”

“Yes, Lord Ymir,” Hux said.

“I’ll remain in communication with you to have the base prepared for arrival.”

“I look forward to you seeing the progress we’ve made,” Hux said. 

The meeting was over, we shook hands and Hux left the room. 

I slumped back in my chair. The service droid began clearing the table. 

“Well, the hard part is out of the way,” I said, “Ekene, do you ever watch the holodramas they make on Naboo? I could do that and share a bottle of wine.”

“I wanted to do sparring practice with you,” Ren said, standing at the head of the table. 

“We’re training tomorrow,” I said, “Ymir has never let me just sit on my ass all day before. I want to enjoy it.”

Ymir gave me a look, arching his eyebrow, and Ekene laughed. 

“I wondered how someone could remain a private for five years,” Ren said, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“This is how you do it,” I replied with a playful glimmer in my eye. 

Ekene was grinning as he took up his place on the couch, Ymir joined him. 

“You’re already dressed, come downstairs with me. We’ll spar in the gardens,” Ren said.

> I want time alone with you.

He was earnest. 

I sighed, putting my hands on my thighs as I stood, “All right. I’ll get some fresh air.”

***

The day had slipped by. It was late in the afternoon, and the palace was cleared out by now. Service droids were cleaning out the rooms, floating laundry carts waited outside of open doors. 

“You really couldn’t be bothered to leave the room?” Ren said as we strode through the halls. 

“Fuck no,” I said with a grin, “Are you serious about sparring? I’m still sore from last night.”

“Lord Ymir told me you were still undisciplined…”

“Want to discipline me?” I shot back. 

Ren turned, hand on my shoulder, steering me towards the wall, next to a column, blocking us from view. His gloved hand moved up to my throat, grip tightening. 

“You can’t distract me with sex every time, Siobhan,” he growled, voice gravelly though the audiofeed. 

I was warm, pushed against the wall, his hand against my throat. My face was reflected in the visor of his mask. 

“A girl can try,” I said with some fire in my eyes as I stared into the blankness. 

He liked it. My attitude. My lack of fear. It made it all the more sweet when I submitted to him. 

Ren tightened his grip before releasing me, striding off without a word. 

I followed him, and he made good on his promise. We arrived at the entrance to a garden. Today the space was empty. 

He activated his lightsaber as he walked over the paving stones laid out in the grass and turned to face me. 

I had my lightsabers engaged, blazing green at my sides. 

Our sparring wasn’t like what we had done in the rooms yesterday. I expected us to have a flirtatious back and forth, but Ren was putting me through my paces. We did five or six rounds, Ren sometimes asking to see how I did specific moves and sequences with the two swords. 

I felt sweat on my forehead, my hair coming loose from my messy braid. 

Ren was bigger and stronger, and had years more experience in swordfighting. He moved with precision and wasn’t being overtly aggressive, but there were a few close calls as I blocked his crackling red blade. 

“Ymir...told me...you found your kyber crystals on...the base,” I said blocking a series of overhead swings. Ren was strong, each attack coming down like a hammer. I could feel it in my forearms. 

“I did,” he said, shoulders moving as he pulled in a breath, “It was...part of a collapsed… stalactite. It was… cracked.”

I deflected a blow from the side, with both of my swords, watching the way the red blade danced like a flame, so different from the steady green of my swords. 

“I still...want to know...how you found four...green crystals...on Korriban,” he said, the audio from his mask rasping as he breathed. 

Ren lunged, and I blocked him with my blades crossed in a scissor-shape. I heaved upwards, and threw him off, _pushing_ him backwards. 

He smiled and deactivated his sword. I did the same. 

We sprawled out on the stones, catching our breath. Ren finally took off his mask, setting it beside him. His hair was sweaty and limp against his forehead and the sides of his face. 

“I found them in the grassland,” I said. 

“The grassland?” Ren said with surprise, propping himself up on his elbows. 

“Did Ymir tell you anything about my time there?” I asked.

Ren shook his head, “He told me he found you in the Academy. He said he almost had to put his sword through your skull. I don’t know anything about how you survived.”

I grimaced and spat to the side. 

He reached for me, fingers underneath my chin, “You’re brave.” A sudden pang of loneliness ran through me. “I want to hear the story,” he said, voice low, eyes meeting mine. 

Kylo Ren was the only person who had any idea what I had been through. 

We didn’t know one another, not really. He wasn’t a friend, but here we were, connected by Ymir and the Force. 

“I built a well, out in the grassland,” I said, unable to keep the bitterness out of my voice, “I was out there every two or three days for water.”

Ren’s eyes widened and I could see the horror in his expression. 

“Siobhan…”

“Yeah, it was what you’d expect,” I said, mouth twisting to the side. 

“What did you see out there?” he asked, moving closer to me, our legs touching. 

“My father,” I said with a shrug. His face swam in my mind, a chunk taken out of his head from my blastershot, his eyes bleeding. “Who did you see?” I asked Ren. 

His eyes moved towards the ground, “My mother,” he answered in the same closed-off tone. 

Silence lapsed between us. 

“Since I was out there so much, I started doing meditations there,” I said, “It’s how I learned to cloak myself so well.”

Ren was following the story, a serious expression on his face. 

“One day, I decided to walk out to that big rock to meditate. Did Ymir take you there?”

He nodded. 

“When I was walking back to my speeder, I felt something jab into the sole of my boot, and I found these four crystals hidden in the sand.”

I waited to see what Ren would say - if he would ask about me burning down the grassland, destroying the creature that lived there. 

“It’s so strange. I don’t know how four green crystals would be in the grassland…” he said. 

“Ymir thought it was weird too, but he just chalked it up to fate.”

“I’ll take you to the Kyber caves on Starkiller Base,” Ren said with a sharp grin, “We’ll see if we can do anything about those Jedi colors.”

He didn’t ask me any more questions about Korriban. It looked like Ymir really hadn’t told him anything. 

We walked through the gardens, taking in the exotic plants. I took my boots off, enjoying the grass underneath my toes. 

It looked like everyone had left the palace. I didn’t see another person in the garden, or in the terraced balconies above. 

My window to connect with Raj had closed. 

Ren walked at my side. With his mask over his face again, he was covered head to toe. He wasn’t as angry or dismissive as he was the last time we were here. 

I had expected him to want to fuck me again. I hadn’t expected him to give a shit about me, to care about what I had gone through on Korriban. 

“Let’s get a ourselves a room,” I said, linking my arm with his, “I’m sure Ymir and Ekene won’t mind the time to themselves.”

“Do you want to?” Ren asked, his voice filtered through the audiofeed. 

“Yeah,” I said with a curling smile, “I could spend the rest of the day in bed.”

I assumed the word would get back to Snoke. Thought of irritating him made it even more appealing. 

I found a console and called Julian to set up a room. He told me where one was available. I declined his offer to show me the way.

“I’m going to get some things,” Ren said, “I’ll meet you there.”

“Oh?” 

“You’ll find out,” he said. 

A shiver ran up my spine. 

**III**

I made my way to the room. It was on the opposite side of the palace, facing the city. 

This space was smaller than our suite, just a bedroom. It looked like the kind of space they would give an officer or a diplomat. 

The place was decorated with rugs and paintings. There were two First Order banners on the wall, and flowering plants set up in the dining nook. The bed was near the windows, large and flat, and low to the floor. A bottle of white wine was chilling on ice.

I poured myself a glass and stepped out onto the balcony, figuring I’d have a few minutes to myself before Ren arrived. 

I looked towards the glimmering city, separated from the palace by a kilometer of distance and a large wall. 

My thoughts turned to Ahobri. She would love this - the party, the clothes, this place. 

Visiting Vin and Priya was like lifting a weight off of my shoulders. Korriban had been hell. I had been the only sentient creature on an entire planet, but my loneliness hadn’t ended when I left. At Ymir’s estate, I was surrounded by people, but I couldn’t fully trust them. 

As much as I liked Ekene, Tasha, and Astrid, they all served Ymir. 

I tried to imagine what Ahobri would say when she saw me again. There was a small chance she had heard about the Vangelis. My Resistance and smuggling friends didn’t cross paths with hers too often, but it was possible. From her perspective, I’d be showing up after not talking to her for almost a full year, with a big scar on my face and more on my arms. 

I tried to imagine what she would say when I told her that I had found Ymir. She was the only person who knew about my plan, who knew about my past. 

We were supposed to have left the brothel together. Two years after we met, we made the plan to save up enough to buy our contracts from Jukhara. I wouldn’t have managed it without her. She had kept me on track, cutting through my baanthashit excuses. 

Eventually we had our money saved and we talked with Jukhara, setting everything up to part on good terms, but Ahobri didn’t leave with me. 

She had only ever known that life, and was too afraid. Now she was Jukhara’s right-hand woman, managing some floors of the brothel and high-profile clients, negotiating contracts. 

I wanted her to see this for herself. She could have so much more than what Jukhara could offer. 

The door to the room was opening. I turned as Ren strode in, a kit bag in hand. 

“Did you pack some pajamas for me?” I teased, returning from the balcony. 

“Take off your clothes,” Ren ordered, his voice cold, filtered through the mask. 

There was a flutter of anticipation in my low belly. 

I tilted my wineglass up, and set it just inside the doorway to the balcony. 

Ren pulled up a chair and took a seat, legs wide and heavy, his hands planted on his thighs. 

I felt the way desire and violence was intertwined for him. We were matched. For me, pain and fear melted into surrender and pleasure. 

I walked into the room and stopped two meters in front of Ren. I began taking off my clothes, looking at him the whole time. 

My jacket fell to the ground, followed by my shirt. I took off my belt, with the two lightsabers attached, and _sent_ them to drape over the back of an empty chair. I knelt to unlace my boots, still in my bra and pants. 

Ren watched me impassively, not saying a word. 

“You thought about what you want to do to me?” I teased, “All those lonely nights on the the Finalizer?”

“Shut up.”

I bristled, a defiant tilt to my jaw. 

As I unlaced my boots, I tossed them towards him, loud and graceless. 

“You want me to hurt you,” he said, “You need it.”

I stood up, unbuttoning my pants, shoving them down. 

Last night I had been dressed in silk, and lace, and gemstones. Today, I stood in front of him in my training clothes. 

I lifted a leg up to take off my socks, then stepped out of my underwear. 

My bra came last. I reached an arm behind me to unhook it, dropping it to the side. 

Ren didn’t react. He sat in his chair, appraising me. 

I waited. The stone floor was cold beneath my bare feet. My nipples were stiff. I was wet. 

This was foreplay. 

We were silent for minutes. The discomfort was exciting. 

I had only met a few people who understood the way my body responded to pain, who wanted it the same way I did. 

Finally Ren moved, lifting the kit bag into his lap. He unzipped the top, removed two neat bundles of rope, and placed them on the floor next to his chair. 

He took out a wide flogger with dozens of leather tails and draped it over his thigh, then pulled out a wicked little riding crop. 

“We’ll start with this one,” he said, “Go to the wall, put your palms against it.”

I did as he asked, fear tightening my belly. I approached a clear stretch of wall, moving my hands over my head, palms flat against the plaster. 

Only when I was in position did Ren move. 

I listened to the rustling of his clothing, his boots heavy on the stone floors behind me. I heard the riding crop swishing through the air. 

Pain bloomed as the tip impacted the outside of my right thigh. 

I hissed in pain. 

Ren used the riding crop along the outside of my legs, my ass, even running along the sides of my waist. 

I gasped, and cursed, and cried out, hands flat against the wall. Each impact was a jolt, each burst of pain was a surrender. 

Behind me, Ren was impassive, dressed in black, still masked. He delivered each blow with precision, smooth motions of his arm and wrist. 

“Turn around,” he ordered with his mechanical voice. 

I was slow, apprehensive. I had seen the large leather flogger. I didn’t know when or how he planned to use it. 

He brought a gloved hand beneath my chin, looking at my face. 

“I need you to be good for me. This is going to hurt,” he said, “Don’t move your arms. Keep your hands at your sides, no matter what.”

“Yes…” I said, voice breathy. 

Ren didn’t move, he was waiting. 

“Yes, Kylo Ren,” I said. 

The end of the riding crop impacted my breast. The pain was sharp and red. I squeezed my eyes shut, grimacing. 

“We’re just beginning, Siobhan,” he said. 

He brought the riding crop down on my breast two more times before moving to the other one. 

It was torture to keep my arms down, standing still as he flogged me. My mind was going fuzzy, taking each moment as it happened, open to the pain and the fear, fighting the urge to protect myself. 

Ren was cruel. He landed blows across my belly and the fronts of my thighs. 

I winced and cried as pain radiated along my body. I took everything he gave, and didn’t ask for him to stop. 

“Gods, you are being so good for me,” he said when he was done. 

He brought his hand to the side of my face. He was still in his mask, fully clothed. 

My legs were trembling. 

“I’m going to take you to the bed. You’ll get a break,” he told me. 

He put one of my arms around his shoulders and lifted me up. He carried me to the bed, and gently laid me down on top of the sheets. 

I glanced down, seeing the red marks along my breasts and belly. 

Ren took his mask off and began to remove layers of clothing. He took the time to fold each piece, _dragging_ the chair over for him to stack each piece. Soon he was shirtless, hair loose around his face. 

He gently took hold of my thighs and pulled me to the edge of the bed, legs spread. He knelt between my knees and began to lap at me, tongue moving between my wet inner lips, flickering along my clit. 

I moaned, bringing up a hand to slide over my skin, softness after so much pain. 

When he had me hot and wet and moaning, he stopped. 

“Ren! No...please!” I said. 

“There is so much more I plan to do to you,” he said, standing up, running a hand down my sternum between my breasts. 

I could see his cock, upright, pressing at the front of his pants. He was waiting, too. 

It was time for the rope. 

I loved the dark, thoughtful expression on his face as he bound me. His motions were careful and practiced. He ran his hands along my skin, testing the knots, making sure there was enough room for blood flow. 

Ren positioned my body as he needed to. He tied a harness around my chest. He secured my arms in front of me with an elaborate configuration that bound them from elbows to wrists. 

With my arms tied, he began on my legs. Ren started at my knees and worked the rope up to the tops of my thighs. When he was done, my legs were bound together. 

I had no idea what he was going to do to me. I couldn’t use my arms or my legs. I was completely at his mercy. 

Ren moved me into position near the edge of the bed. I was on my belly, my bound arms beneath my chest. My ass was up in the air and my legs were bent at the knees. The rope kept my thighs bound together. 

“I won’t keep you like this too long, you’re just too irresistible,” he said, standing behind me. 

Ren ran a finger down my spine, slapping my ass, then I heard him undoing his pants. I felt his cock pressing into me. 

The first stroke was slow, letting me feel him as he sank inside. 

He brought a hand to the rope harness across my upper back and began to use it to thrust more forcefully, moaning at my tightness, smacking my ass with his other hand. 

Still, he slipped out of me before he got close. He fastened his pants again. 

He repositioned me until I was bent over the bed, my arms outstretched in front of me, my feet planted on the ground. 

“I’m going to use the flogger now,” he said, a hand resting on my ass. 

“Yes, Kylo Ren,” I breathed. 

“You’re being very good for me, Siobhan,” he said, his voice low and greedy with lust. 

The flogger was all that I could take. 

His first swings were to warm me up, coming down on the flesh of my ass and upper thighs, then he picked up the pace. 

He had made sure to leave plenty of room to work. With my arms secured in front of me, and legs bound together, he was free to bring the flogger down from my upper shoulders to my thighs. 

The tails landed heavy and true. 

I pulled in breaths, drawing inside myself. There was a place inside me that accepted the pain. I took in each blow as it landed. 

Above me, Ren made sounds of effort and appreciation. I couldn’t see his face. I could only hear his sounds, and the leather flogger as it swished through the air. 

I _reached_ towards him, feeling the vicious joy as he watched my skin respond to the impact, the red lines the tails left behind. I felt the anger and lust tangling in his chest, moving with his breath. 

He used the flogger until there were raw spots along my entire back, ass, and thighs. 

I felt beads of blood rising from the welts, coolness contrasting with the blaze of pain along my body. 

“When I saw you in that dress, I thought about how beautiful you would be with marks.”

He brought the flogger down, tails heavy against my skin, listening to my moans, growls, and curses. 

“Ren!” I cried, squirming in the binding rope. The pain was bubbling up in my mind, overwhelming. He heard it in my voice. 

He pulled in a breath, hand resting on my waist. We breathed together. He felt my ribs expanding beneath him, coming down from the frenzy.

“Siobhan…” he growled. 

He helped me up, movements gentle. 

“I want to feel your mouth again,” he said.

I nodded, “Yes, Kylo Ren.”

He had me kneel on the floor, my legs and arms still bound, and brought one hand underneath my jaw as he undid his pants with the other. 

Ren watched me with dark eyes as I took in the head of his cock, lapping at it with the flat of my tongue. I created resistance for him to press against my lips and he gasped as he pushed into my mouth, my tongue smooth across him. 

He fucked my face, his cock as hard as I had ever felt it, his movements rough. 

At the end he pulled himself back, stroking his own cock for those final moments. He came on my face, one hand still beneath my jaw keeping me in place.

I opened my mouth, putting on a show, and he ran his cock across my tongue. 

“Gods!..” he sighed, running his thumb along my cheek, smearing his come along the side of my face. 

There was some on my brow, threatening to drip down into my eye. I brought my hands up to wipe it away. 

Ren smiled, “I’ll wash you off.” He lifted me up onto the bed, leaving me bound. He stepped into the bathroom and I heard water running. 

When he came back, he had a warm, damp cloth. He cleaned my face with gentle motions, smiling to himself. 

Next, he undid the rope around my legs, then my arms, massaging the muscles, helping the circulation of my hands and feet. 

I sprawled onto the bed, coming back to myself. 

Ren’s fingertips ran across my skin. My belly and thighs were striped with red. The real damage was to my back and thighs. I felt his fascination and reverence.

He tugged on the blankets, wrapping me in them, making sure I wouldn’t get cold. He lay next to me, an arm around my shoulders, my head on his chest. 

The sun was going down, soon it would be night again. 

**IV**

We lay silently for some time - peaceful, the calm after the storm.

I was the first to move, gingerly sitting up. 

“How are you feeling?” he asked, shifting onto his side. 

“I’m all right,” I said, reaching to touch a spot on my shoulder. I felt raw skin, “I’m going to fucking hurt tomorrow.”

“If you lay down, I’ll take care of your back,” he said. 

I rolled onto my stomach and he climbed out of the bed, returning with a glass jar. 

He rubbed a cooling salve over me, blowing on the spots that were especially tender. 

“Think Ekene and Ymir are going to miss us?” I said as Ren took care of me. 

“This is their first night without you hanging around in how long?” he said, making a light smack on my ass. 

I laughed, “Want to go out on the town? I’ve never been to this city before.”

Ren paused, “I want to spend time with you. I don’t want to go out,” he said, his voice becoming serious again. 

After seeing him yesterday, that wasn’t surprising. I had the feeling that he spent all his time on the Finalizer or out on missions. 

“Okay, let’s at least have some more wine,” I said. 

I climbed out of bed and began carefully stretching, feeling the sore places where my skin pulled and burned. 

“I meant what I said yesterday,” Ren said, sitting up in bed, “I want to talk with you...not just this…” He reached towards me, a couple of fingers tracing down my hip. 

His pants were still on. 

I realized that I didn’t know if he had ever taken his pants off or just pulled them down to fuck me. 

“What do you want to talk about?” I asked playfully, picking up my underwear and pulling my shirt over my head. 

“Everything,” he said, “The Force, your time on Korriban. Where did the rancor horn come from?”

I barked a laugh at his earnestness, “Ymir really didn’t tell you anything,” I said. 

Ren shook his head, “Nothing.”

I walked to the liquor cabinet and picked up two fresh glasses and the open bottle of wine. 

“Well,” I began, “Ymir drugged me with utan root and left me in Darth Bane’s tomb.” I climbed onto the bed and handed Ren a glass. 

His eyes narrowed, “I’ve heard about utan root. It’s a hallucinogen.”

I nodded, uncorking the bottle and pouring for us, “He stayed most of the night to help guide me, then left sometime in the morning.”

I touched his glass with mine. 

“I spent the entire day sick and hungover,” I continued, sparing him the details, “But I had to get out of the tomb. Ymir had taken my blasters, so all I had was my rope and some food and water,” I paused giving Ren a thoughtful look, “You’ve been there. How the fuck do you leave?”

“We cloak ourselves and distract the rancor,” Ren said, “It takes a few hours. They’re not very smart. I’ve pulled down a nearby statue as a diversion. When they leave to investigate, we head down the rope and back to the tunnels.”

“So that’s how he did it…” I said, happy to be solving one mystery, “Ymir was pissed when I asked why we didn’t just take his ship to the roof.”

Ren flashed a sharp smile, “I don’t think he’s ever done that, even when it was just him alone.”

I shrugged, “It’s fucking stupid. So anyways, I pull an obelisk down and use it like a ramp to get down from the roof, then fucking book it for the tunnels.”

“The acolyte catacombs,” Ren interjected. 

“Yeah, those. So, now I’m all worried about getting past the gate by myself. I’m on my speeder, rounding the corner, and a few of them are waiting for me in the boulevard.”

“Would you show me?”

Those moments had been so chaotic, so full of fear. “I don’t know if it would make any sense,” I said. 

“It doesn’t have to,” Ren said, “I want to see how you did it.”

Gods, but I didn’t trust him. I felt that pang of loneliness again. 

These past few cycles had given me so many experiences I didn’t know how to talk about, but I didn’t want to stay closed off and guarded with everyone. 

I couldn’t tell Vin about this. As much as Ahobri cared, she wouldn’t understand. 

I pulled in a breath, “All right,” I said. 

We dropped into the Force together. I could feel Ren at my side, experiencing the memory with me.

> I’m on my speeder, leaning forward on the handlebars, rushing towards the gate.
> 
> Fear is surging through me and I reach outwards to harness the power of the valley. 
> 
> The power of the dead masters and acolytes fills me. 
> 
> A cluster of rancor are waiting for me. I hear my own roars in my ears. 
> 
> I won’t let them kill me.
> 
> I bring more power to myself, lifting the nearby rocks and debris. I launch them at the rancor. 
> 
> The gate has to open. I have to be strong enough.
> 
> I’m pushing with everything I have. 
> 
> Rancor shrieks are echoing behind me. 
> 
> If I can’t open the gates, they’ll rip me to shreds. 
> 
> I surrender myself to the Force. My vision goes dark, the borders of my body disappear. 
> 
> When I hurl another volley of stones at my attackers, I can feel the impact in my own flesh. 
> 
> Still I pull at the doors. 

“Siobhan…” Ren whispered.

> I’m in a frenzy. My will to live is the only thing anchoring me to reality. 
> 
> The big rancor is thundering down the boulevard, dust rising around it. 
> 
> I lift the tip of an obelisk, and drive it home through its skull. 
> 
> Red sand puffs up as the beast collapses, a huge chunk of stone in its head.
> 
> The doors open just enough for me to slide through on my speeder. 
> 
> Outside, in the valley, I push the doors shut again. 
> 
> My power is retreating. I feel myself slip off the speeder, falling into the red sand beneath.

We opened our eyes. 

Ren had a drawn, serious expression on his face. 

“I went back for the skull a few weeks after. I knew that Ymir would want to see a trophy,” I said, my mouth twisting bitterly. 

He brought his hand to the side of my face, “Siobhan...I just...when we brought you aboard the Finalizer, I would have never thought that you…”

I made a mean, prideful little smile.

“... Then I heard that you had lived, that you fought Lord Ymir,” he said, taking ahold of my hand. 

“He has a scar, too,” I said, my jaw jutting forward, “I almost got one of those swords through his guts.”

Almost, but I had still failed. 

Ren was giving me a fiery look, reaching forward to kiss me, full of desire. I was defiant. The rebel - the undisciplined student. He wanted to lay claim to me, to keep me for himself. 

I let myself get swept up in it. 

Ren pushed me onto my back, the wine glasses on the floor.

We fucked, moving like water, our bodies sliding together. 

Ren filled me, his hand on my thigh, his weight heavy on top of me. 

My orgasm came on sudden and strong, my fingernails digging into his back, mouth open, screams escaping until no sound came out. 

Afterwards we curled together, underneath the sheets. I began to hear Ren’s breath, even out and grow slow. My thoughts churned as he slept next to me. 

For the first time, I thought I understood Ren’s loneliness. The Force was a window into the fabric of the universe. There was old power there, from the people who had come before, and the people who would come after. 

I had waited my whole life for training, for Ymir to show me how I could use something that felt so raw, so instinctual. Now that I understood how to wield this power, I didn’t know how to share it. 

I remembered the fear coursing through Denna, as I captured her on her ship. It had taken nothing for me to do it, to take control away from her.  
With these uneasy thoughts swirling in my mind, I fell asleep.

***

I stood on the rock in the middle of the grassland. The sky was red. The grasses rustled in the dry wind. 

In front of me, my father sat cross-legged, blood dripping from the wound in his skull, blood flowing down his cheeks. 

Shrieks echoed around me, high and keening. 

Anger and fear tangled in my heart. 

A spark of flame appeared, floating in front of the figure of my father. 

I was so used to the illusions in the grassland, I didn’t question if it was him or not. 

I watched my father reach for the flame, plucking it out of the air and putting it in his mouth. 

“No!” I screamed. 

There was howling around me, the sounds of the rancor mixing with the sith hounds and the hungry cries of the grassland. 

“That’s your father,” came a voice behind me. 

I spun around and saw Ren, standing on the rock with me. 

It was him. Not an illusion. Not a dream. 

He wore his dark robes, cloak and hair fluttering in the wind. He wasn’t wearing his mask. 

“Ren?” I asked, face twisting in confusion. 

I smelled smoke and burning meat. 

When I turned around, my father was engulfed in flames. 

Smoke poured upwards staining the sky. 

“No!” I screamed, rushing towards my father. 

“Siobhan!” I heard Ren yell. 

I had my hands on my father’s shoulders. He was burning hot, burning alive. 

I was coughing, choking on the smoke. 

Around us, fire was whipping through the grasses. The screams were building. I heard the sounds of the acolytes, all those people forging their strength through suffering and hardship. The screams became an overwhelming crescendo.

“Dad!” I said, my voice joining in. 

I was shaking him. The thick clouds of smoke billowed upwards, his body consumed in flames. 

There was nothing I could do. 

I had made the fire. All this destruction was mine. 

“Siobhan!” Ren yelled. 

My eyes wrenched open. I realized that Ren was holding onto me. 

The room was dark. We were in bed. 

“Siobhan,” Ren said, hands around my face. 

I realized my cheeks were wet. 

I pushed him away, scrambling backwards out of the bed. Adrenaline was surging through me. All of my muscles were tensed. 

“Siobhan, it was just a dream,” he said, his voice firm. 

“You were there,” I said, clutching my elbows, feeling exposed. 

“It was the Force,” Ren said, keeping his tone calm and authoritative. 

Tears were rolling down my cheeks. The muscles of my face twisted in agony. 

I sank to the ground, sitting on the stone floor, my arms around me. 

“That wasn’t the first time you’ve had those dreams,” Ren said. 

“No…” I growled, not wanting to be alone with him, not like this. 

“I have them too,” he said. I didn’t expect the kindness in his voice. Slowly, he crawled from the bed and joined me on the floor, wrapping his arms around me. 

He hadn’t been like this on the Finalizer. He had responded to every weakness with cruelty or dismissal.

Now he was comforting me after one of my Korriban dreams, the dreams that I had kept hidden from Ymir.

I sniffled and cried, working to slow my breathing down, trying to stop, not wanting him to see this. 

Ren didn’t say anything more. He held me until my breathing slowed and the tears stopped flowing. 

Wordlessly, he guided me back into bed. I drifted off into an uneasy sleep, my head on his chest, praying I wouldn’t have any more dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for following this story. 
> 
> I started writing it quite a few months ago, to tide me over until Episode IX. I just watched that movie a couple of days ago and it was an emotional roller coaster. This is the most effort I've put into a fanfic and I feel really close to the characters I've been writing. It definitely threw me for a loop. 
> 
> As always, I hope you enjoyed the chapter and I love to hear your comments!


	11. Legacies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren was Force-bonded into one of Siobhan's dreams.
> 
> Today, Ymir has them training together, and he will push them to their limits. 
> 
> As Ren prepares to be on an undercover mission, he will have to confront his past. 
> 
> Siobhan will also have a moment, where her relationship with Ymir and the Darkside is tested.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a really fun chapter to write. I think it might be the most dramatic yet. :)

**I**

An alarm was going off the exact moment I fell asleep.

Ren pushed himself upright, rubbing at his eyes. 

I stayed down, clutching the pillow more tightly. 

“Fuck…” I grumbled. 

It was dark in the room. 

I heard Ren pulling on his pants, left on the floor after our last round together. He turned on the lights. 

“We have fifteen minutes to meet Lord Ymir,” he said, unfolding the shirt he had neatly stacked in the seat of a chair. 

I was moving stiffly. After the flogging Ren had given me yesterday, my whole body was sore.

In the light, I examined the red marks along my belly and fronts of my thighs. There were speckled bruises on my breasts from the riding crop. 

Today was going to be awful. I didn’t think Ymir would let me sit out physical training because I was bruised and tender from sex. 

When I looked up, Ren was watching me and I saw lust and fascination in his gaze. 

“I want to see your back,” he said. 

I turned around for him, pulling my pants up. As I fastened them, he stepped towards me, running a finger across the marks and bruises on my shoulders. 

We quickly finished getting dressed in our clothes from the previous day. I was in my utility pants and jacket, my regular training uniform. Ren was in his robes and cloak, the mask secured over his face. We had our belts and lightsabers.

Ren made sure I was hustling. Ymir knew we had spent the night together and wouldn’t be forgiving if we were late to training. 

***

The palace was silent at this hour of the morning, the hallways were dark. 

I followed Ren as he strode quickly towards our official rooms. 

My mind was still reeling from the dream. I was cloaked. Ymir couldn’t see into my heart or mind. Snoke hadn’t been able to push through my defenses. Somehow Ren had been in my dream, watching as my mind relived the horrors from Korriban. 

We arrived to the suite just as Ymir emerged from his bedroom, dressed in his utility clothes and familiar green half-cloak. 

He gave us a curt nod in greeting, “We’ll do our meditation in the cove.” 

“Yes, Lord Ymir,” Ren said, voice filtered through the audiofeed of his mask. 

I was silent, still waking up, my body and mind were sore. 

Ymir glanced at me, an appraisal. With my training clothes on, there wasn’t anything for him to see. He led the way out of the palace. 

***

There was a chill in the air. The sea wind was strong today, pulling my hair loose as we moved down the switchbacks. The rocks were slick with ocean spray. 

Today, the water was choppy. A thin fog hung in the air, and clouds were heavy above us. 

Ymir climbed up the large rock at the center of the cove, Ren following. 

My shoulders ached as I pulled myself up, welts and scabs stretching across my back. 

I felt haggard. My mind was still churning on the dream and my body kept sending me new signals of discomfort. My ass was sore, my eyes were puffy from crying, strands of wet hair were sticking to my face. 

Ymir had us sit in a small circle, facing one another. He looked between the two of us. His gaze lingered on me, but he couldn’t see into my heart. He turned his attention to Ren.

“Kylo Ren, your thoughts are disturbed,” Ymir said. 

“The Force connected me with Siobhan’s dream last night,” Ren answered. 

Fuck.

Ymir turned to me, “What was the dream Siobhan?”

Lying wasn’t an option. Ren had been in my mind, he had seen and felt everything. I couldn’t hide this time. 

“I dreamed about the grassland and my father,” I said. I hated the clipped tone in my voice. It told Ymir just how bad the experience was. 

“He didn’t look the way he had in your memory,” Ren said, cutting in, “There was blood and fire.”

I wanted to slap him. I wanted him to stop talking. He shouldn’t know what my father looked like, but he had seen the memory. He had watched through my eyes as Ymir killed him in my home. 

“Show me,” Ymir said, his voice was stern. 

I was glowering at Ren. I didn’t have an option. The more I resisted, the weaker I looked. Ren had been in the dream, so even if I refused, Ymir could just see it through his memories. 

With a tight jaw, I took a breath, tasting the cold salty air. I sank into the Force. 

Ymir and Ren followed.

> I’m standing on the rock in the grassland.
> 
> My father sits in front of me. His skull is caved in from blaster fire and there is blood flowing from his eyes. 
> 
> I am surrounded by screams - rancor shrieking, the howling of tu’kata, the cries of dying acolytes. 
> 
> A flame appears, floating in front of the figure of my father. 
> 
> Ren is next to me. He is solid and real, standing out with his pale face and black robes. 
> 
> I turn around and see my father eat the flame, jaw stretching as he closes his mouth around it. 
> 
> The fire begins to consume him, and I hear my screams join the chorus behind me. 
> 
> Greasy black smoke billows up into the sky and flames are whipping through the grassland. 
> 
> I rush towards my father. I put my hands on his shoulders, his feels body hot. I cough as the smoke fills my lungs.
> 
> The screams are overwhelming, echoing in my ears. 

I opened my eyes and found fresh paths of tears on my cheeks. My hands were wrapped in tight fists on my knees. 

“Was that when you destroyed the creature?” Ymir asked. 

Ren’s head tilted in confusion. 

I was backed into a corner. Ymir had seen snippets of the memory. He knew I had burned the grassland down. He didn’t know anything about my meditation that day. 

“Yes,” I said through clenched teeth. 

“You killed it?” Ren asked. 

Ymir answered for me, “When I returned for her it was just a sea of ash. She had burned down the grassland and killed the creature.”

I wish I could have seen Ren’s expression behind the mask, but I could feel the wave of shock and fear as he heard the news. 

“Neither of you told me,” Ren said, his bitterness slipping through the mask. He thought I had opened up to him, but I hadn’t given him everything. 

“Siobhan handled her trial in the grassland exceptionally well, from the first day,” Ymir said, looking pointedly at Ren. 

I felt a tick of anger in his heart.

“When she realized she was seeing an illusion, she fired on it with her blaster. She didn’t need my help,” Ymir continued. He swung his gaze to me, “I’m assuming that’s why his skull is half blown off.”

“Yes,” I growled. 

“It truly is a pity that you killed the creature, but it served its purpose,” Ymir said. 

I hadn’t seen this side of Ymir in a long time. He had prodded at me those first days after returning from Korriban, but after that our training had been friendly and exploratory. 

He was riling both of us up, testing our weak points. 

“Kylo Ren, I want you to share your first visit to the grassland with us.”

I watched Ren stiffen. He hesitated. 

Ymir fixed him with a steady look, “You are both my students and you’ll soon be on a mission together. You’ll have to get used to being open to each other as well as me.”

I felt Ren slipping into that shared space of the Force. I closed my eyes and joined him. 

For the first time, I saw one of his memories through his own eyes. 

He was young, sixteen, body humming with energy and power.

> I’m standing at the edge of the grassland. 
> 
> Sweat is dripping down my temples and down the collar of my jacket. 
> 
> Ymir is standing behind me, his arms crossed over his chest. I can feel his steady aura, his undeniable power, so different from Luke’s quiet composure. 
> 
> “You’ll be alone for this meditation,” Ymir says, “I’ll be waiting here for you.”
> 
> An uneasy, sinking feeling tugs at my heart. Fear makes my legs leaden and stiff. 
> 
> Still, I press forward. 
> 
> I leave my hands outstretched at my sides. The dry grasses brush against my fingers. 
> 
> Blurs of motion begin to appear at the edges of my vision. 
> 
> I think I see my father. 
> 
> Was that Luke in his cloak?
> 
> When I turn my head, I find nothing. 
> 
> I keep putting one foot in front of the other, even as the fear in my heart spreads into my mind, clouding my thoughts. 
> 
> How far have I walked? Can Ymir see me? Does he know where I am?
> 
> There’s something wrong. There’s something here with me. 
> 
> The grasses are claustrophobic, pressing in. I break into a run, my boots are heavy in the sand.
> 
> I trip over a root, sprawling out in the dirt. Sand gets into my eyes. 
> 
> I cough and splutter, climbing to my feet. 
> 
> Directly in front of me, my mother steps out of the grasses. 
> 
> “Ben.”
> 
> Her voice is cold. 
> 
> She’s dressed in her General’s uniform, her honors pinned to her chest, Rebellion medal around her neck. 
> 
> “Mother…” my voice is pathetic and weak in my ears.

I had only caught glimpses of General Organa before, always from a distance. My father had talked about her and Luke. The Skywalkers were just legends to me. It was hard to connect that with the fact that I had spent the night with Leia’s son. I guess we weren’t so far apart after all.

> I scramble upright. I’m taller than her now, but it doesn’t feel that way. 
> 
> “He was right to try to kill you,” my mother says. 
> 
> Her words are a shard of ice, driving cold through my heart. 
> 
> “I always knew you were a monster,” she said. 
> 
> As she steps towards me, I take a step back. 
> 
> My mother has never looked like this, never sounded like this, but her words ring true. 
> 
> “We all knew this was how you’d turn out. That’s why I sent you off so young,” she continued, “You were born tainted, and even Luke couldn’t change you.”
> 
> “Mother please…”
> 
> Tears are pouring from my eyes. I keep backing away, but she keeps following. 
> 
> “You’ve always had a rotten heart, and you’ll keep going down this rotten path.”
> 
> I stumble again, falling backwards into the sand. 
> 
> I’m curling inwards, sobbing. 
> 
> Every bad thing I’ve ever done is coming back to haunt me. 
> 
> I can hear the cries of my fellow apprentices rising on the wind. I can hear their fear and pain and I am paralyzed by shame. 
> 
> The world shrinks around me, growing dark, my body is limp in the sand. 
> 
> Sometime later, I hear the hum of speeder engines. 
> 
> Ymir is at my side, helping me up, lifting me onto the saddle behind him. 
> 
> I lean against him, my head resting on his shoulder as he saves me from this cursed place.

I opened my eyes to find my cheeks stained with fresh tears. Ren sat across from me, impassive in his mask and hood, but I could feel his hurt and shame. 

Ymir had described Ren’s experience in the grassland as a failure, but he was just a sixteen year old kid. 

I couldn’t imagine what I would have done if Ymir took me there at that age, barely a year after he killed my father. I probably would have done the same thing. By the time he took me into the grassland, I had years of experience hardening my heart. 

“How long have you been having these dreams, Siobhan?” Ymir asked. 

His dismissal of Ren’s memory felt like a slap. 

He was toying with us. 

“You didn’t even know I was having them, so what does it matter?” I snarled, not willing to play his game. 

Ymir barked a laugh, and I noticed Ren flinch. 

“Then we can begin our sparring practice,” Ymir said, hands clapping his thighs as he climbed to his feet. 

This was a terrible idea. 

I could feel Ren retreating inwards, his emotions crowded in his chest. His clothing, the layers of black, the mask, the hood, they made him look blank, but I could feel the churning energy beneath. 

He was dangerous. 

What the fuck was Ymir thinking? 

It was just like when we were aboard the Finalizer, he was pushing at our insecurities, testing our weaknesses.

Ren stood up and jumped off the rock. The tide had rolled in while we did our meditations, and his boots splashed heavily in the water. 

“Siobhan, you’ll spar with Ren first,” Ymir said, arms folded over his broad chest. 

“Fuck you,” I spat as I walked past him. 

Ymir grabbed my forearm with his iron grip. “Don’t challenge me…” he said, a threat in his brown eyes. 

I roughly shrugged out of his hold and climbed down the back of the rock where the water was shallower. 

Ren had walked farther up the beach, his lightsaber activated, warming himself up. Sea water dripped from the bottom of his robes. 

Ymir was following me. I could hear his boots in the surf. 

I remembered Snoke ordering his guard to use lethal force. 

Ren was a better swordsman than I was and I could feel his anger. His pride was wounded when shared the memory. Both him and Ymir understood it as a failure. 

All I saw was a kid who had gotten in over his head. 

I remembered my father’s accusation. I left my mother and brother to die, now I was training with the man who had killed him.

I _reached_ out to Ren, sharing that emotion as I approached him. 

“Don’t pity me,” he sneered, in his mechanical voice, his red lightsaber crackling at his side.

I made a frustrated sigh and activated my lightsabers. 

Well, I had tried. 

Dawn had arrived, cold and miserable. The clouds were thick in the sky. There was a dim glow on the horizon, but the sun couldn’t break through. 

The wind had picked up, and the waves were loud as they rolled into the cove and crashed against the cliffs. 

Our sparring match was ugly. 

All of his emotions were right at the surface. Yesterday, Ren had the advantage with his experience, size, and strength. But when he was worked up like this, his movements became easy to predict. 

I found all of Ren’s openings. I was ahead of all of his attacks. 

“Get control of yourself!” Ymir called to him, “She can see everything you’re about to do.”

Ren tried to collect his emotions, but everytime he drew in, he faltered and lost control again. He knew he was the better swordsman and still I was besting him, which only made him more upset.

I won the first two rounds, but there wasn’t any joy in it.

My body was flooded with pain. The bruises and open welts on my legs were raw. I could feel every small movement in my shoulders and back. 

I noticed myself wincing from the start. By the time we started the third round, I was sighing in pain, sweat dripping off my temples, even as I had the upper hand. 

Ymir’s eyes were on me, as he watched from the rocky beach. He noticed my stiff and guarded motions. 

Halfway through the third round, Ren began to get creative, not willing to lose again. 

He lunged forward, abruptly cutting upwards with his sword. He tried to catch me off guard, but I was ready for it. I blocked the swing with my left-hand blade and moved forward with my right, forcing him to retreat.

> He’s manipulating us.

My voice was a growl. 

He didn’t respond to me. 

I remembered Ren’s anger when he destroyed a statue at the palace - he was completely out of control, making brutal swings with his lightsaber.

I blocked another attack, feeling the impact in my hands and forearms. 

As I shoved Ren away, I took a risk. I deactivated both of my blades. 

He charged me, not adjusting to my actions. His red, crackling sword was raised, ready to swing. 

I stood my ground, _reaching_ for him, taking in a slow and even breath. I wasn’t going to fight him anymore, not like this.

Ren stumbled to a halt in front of me, active blade still in hand. 

I stared into the visor of his mask. I could feel his anger, the hatred that he turned inwards.

Ren thumbed his lightsaber, the red energy vanishing.

He had shown me kindness. When I was crying on the floor, he hadn’t pushed me. He hadn’t made me feel weak. 

“You could have given me a hard time last night, but you didn’t,” I said firmly, my voice low against the wind and ocean, “I’m trying to return the favor.”

Ren stood, anxious and stiff. He gave the smallest inclination of his head. 

The cold tide lapped at our calves. 

I turned around and began walking up the shore. My boots and pants were soaked up to the knees. 

“I’m not doing this!” I called out to Ymir. 

He waited for me to approach. The wind had tugged some of his hair free, strands whipping across his face. He watched me with a dark glimmer in his eye. 

“That was an interesting decision,” Ymir said. 

Ren was behind us, keeping his distance. 

“I know what you’re doing,” I growled. 

He was provoking us on purpose. We were about to be alone on a mission together, and Ymir wanted to see how we responded to pressure. 

“Good,” he said, a mean twist to his mouth, “You’re learning.”

Ymir walked down the beach, addressing Ren as he activated his golden blade, “You’re unbalanced. You can’t allow a memory to get the better of you!” 

I watched Ren and Ymir spar in the surf. They moved in and out of the tide. The bottom of Ren’s robes were weighted down with sea water. 

I kept my awareness extended, _reaching_ for the two men. 

Ren was completely devoted to Ymir. I could see it in his posture, the way he responded to his orders. 

The memory had given me more depth of understanding. I could feel Ren’s cheek as he rested against Ymir’s shoulder, the steady calm and trust he felt. 

Ren would follow Ymir to the edge of the universe. 

They had two long rounds of sparring together. By the second, Ren was back to normal, enjoying the practice, his mind unclouded. 

A light rain began to fall, the fog grew thicker in the cove. 

Ymir ended our practice. 

“Siobhan, you and Kylo Ren will be briefing me and the Superior General tomorrow with your mission plans. You’ll have the remainder of the day to prepare.”

After this training session, I was liking the idea of doing a mission with Ren less and less. 

“Sure thing, boss,” I said, tamping down my attitude.

We returned to the palace, my feet slipping in the wet gravel.

**II**

We had time to shower and clean up in the suite. 

I washed the wounds, left behind from the riding crop and flogger. The soap burned the raw and tender spots along my back and thighs. I dressed in casual clothes, wearing my green jacket with my pullover and leggings. 

When I emerged from my room, Ren was at the table eating breakfast. His mask was off, resting on the polished surface. 

Ekene stood near the door with Ymir. Two servants were loading his luggage onto floating dollies.

“Where are you going?” I asked, approaching him. 

“I’m off to Lanz Carpo,” he said, hugging me. 

“You didn’t say you were leaving,” I said, knowing I was going to miss him. 

“I’ll see you after the mission,” Ekene replied. 

“At least let me walk you to the hangar? I need to check a message on my ship anyway.”

Ekene gave me a kind smile and nodded. 

“Call me when you land,” Ymir said, and gave Ekene a kiss, “I love you.”

“I love you,” Ekene echoed.

“Siobhan, I’ll join you and Kylo Ren as you start your plans. One of the servants will take you to the meeting room after you’re done on your ship,” Ymir said. 

Ekene and I left the room, strolling down the hallways as the servants led the way to the hangar. 

Ren stayed at the table.

“So, what’s on Lanz Carpo?” I asked. 

“Madame Dahn,” Ekene answered with a wink. 

I gave him a mischievous look, wondering if he meant what I thought he meant. 

“Lord Ymir is going on a fleet tour for the next few days, and I’m not willing to spend that much time on Star Destroyers shaking hands with his top brass.”

“I’ll give you a call when we’re done with the mission. We’re putting the plan together this afternoon.”

“I know you’ll take care of it. This is a good opportunity for you,” Ekene said. 

“I don’t think Ren can hack it,” I said, “He was all over the place in training today.”

Ekene gave me a knowing look and put his hand on my shoulder, “I know what you’re talking about, but he’s very capable. He’s never let us down.”

I grimaced, “You’ve known him for a long time, right? Since he left Skywalker?”

“I’ve been around him for ten years, but he’s never let me in,” Ekene said. He continued after a pause, “I’ve never seen him look at someone the way he looks at you.”

I spat. 

Ekene laughed, “Don’t waste your time worrying. We all want this mission to be successful. If Ymir is putting you with Kylo Ren, he’ll make sure he’s prepared.”

We were at the hangar. The servants were loading Ekene’s things into a sleek, one-person shuttle. 

I could see Rosie in the back, looking out of place among all the fine ships. 

“Thanks for your help,” I said, giving Ekene one last hug. 

He kissed my cheek, “Stay strong, girl, you’ll pull through.”

I walked down the hangar and boarded Rosie. I could hear Ekene’s shuttle lifting off. 

My ship had been left unattended in Snoke’s hangars for several days now. 

I kept my eyes peeled for anything that seemed out of place. His mechanics had probably tampered with her. 

The mess in the cockpit hadn’t changed. The empty packets of moco sat on the console, the flattened silver disks of empty beer cans were scattered on the floorboards. 

I turned on the console, entered the code for my secondary comms, and flicked the manual switch sequence to activate it. 

I felt like I could use this system under Ren’s nose, as long as I didn’t draw attention to it. He probably wouldn’t notice that the two comms were separate. I would only need to use them when coordinating rendezvous points. If Ren was piloting, he’d be distracted. 

It had been several days since I sent the request for power generators and weapons. 

Vin had responded after twelve hours: [It’s ready.]

I quickly typed up a note: [Got busy on another job. I can do the pick up in thirty six hours.]

Ren wasn’t going to come along. It wasn’t an option. 

Especially after what I had seen today. He shouldn’t get anywhere near D’Qar. 

I was feeling more hesitant about involving Vin in the first place. He would never forgive me if he found out what I was using the supplies for. Still, I wasn’t going to find a new supplier for this job when all the supplies were already waiting for me. 

When I was done, I finished a cursory search of Rosie. Nothing looked immediately out of place, and that made me even more suspicious. 

***

A servant in the hangar was ready to take me to the briefing hall. I was led through the palace to a room on the same floor as the lounge. 

I entered a dim, formal space. At the center was a hollow, circular table, lined with chairs. A holoprojector was activated in the middle, displaying a planetary map of Otomok.

Ren and Ymir were sitting together, both with tablets out. 

“Any updates?” Ymir asked as I sank into the chair next to him.

“My supplies are going to be ready in thirty-six hours. I’ll head out after our briefing tomorrow,” I said. 

“You want us to begin the mission right after the briefing?” Ren said, a note of skepticism escaping through his audiofeed. 

“No,” I said, “I’ll be heading out on the supply run. When I get back, we’ll leave together for Otomok.”

Ren was about to ask more questions, but Ymir stepped in. 

“That schedule works fine for me,” he said, “Kylo Ren, Siobhan is the leader of this mission. She established contact with the guerillas. She will carry the responsibility through.”

Ren was looking my way. 

I could feel that he wasn’t thrilled to be taking orders from me on our first job together, but he didn’t have any grounds to argue. I was the one who started the mission, so it only made sense that I’d be seeing it through to the end. 

“I’ll be in meetings the remainder of the day, so any questions or problems can be figured out when we sit down tomorrow,” Ymir said. 

“Yes, Lord Ymir,” Ren replied, inclining his head respectfully. 

Ymir put a hand on my shoulder as he stood. 

The doors closed behind him, and Ren and I were left alone in the meeting room. 

In front of us, the holographic projection of Otomok was rotating slowly. 

I thought about the guerillas, hiding in tunnels across the planet, imagining that help was on the way. 

“So, this is going to be an undercover mission, from start to finish,” I said, looking at Ren, an empty chair between us, “I have no idea what your experience is. I know you and your Knights have been on assignments against the Resistance for the past few cycles. How have you been doing those jobs?”

“We’ve never infiltrated a cell,” Ren answered, “We coordinate with our spies and informants, then stage an appropriate attack.”

“Okay, that’s what I thought,” I said, “Have you listened to the audio from my first contact with the guerillas?”

“No.”

“Then let’s start there, and I can tell you what I have in mind.”

I used the tablet Ymir left behind to pull up the files for Otomok. A sidebar appeared in the holofeed and I found the audio recording. 

It played over the surround speakers in the room. The sound had more depth than when I had listened in Ymir’s office. 

Ren could hear the hope in Brennan’s voice as I made my Rebel send off. 

“That was bold,” he said. 

I made a toothy grin, “If you give people what they want, they ask fewer questions. Take a look at this.”

I pointed out the frequency and the data on the distress signal, “They’re using this ancient Rebel encryption on it. My guess is that they have a couple of old-timers around. That’s why I’m being so careful with our supplies. We’ll be delivering power generators and weapons, all Resistance models.”

“You were deflecting earlier,” Ren said, voice gravelly through the mask, “We should pick up the supplies and begin the mission. It sounds like you’re planning an extra trip. Why?”

And so it begins. 

I kept my cool as I answered him, “I’m using an old smuggling contact of mine to get supplies. They think I’m doing cartel work. It’s better if I do the supply pick-up on my own.”

“Lord Ymir is allowing you to use an old contact?” Ren said, skepticism thick in his tone. 

I raised an eyebrow at his disrespect, not bothering to respond. I wasn’t going to let him put me on defense, answering his questions. 

“Are you coordinating with someone you knew in the Resistance?” Ren asked. 

That was a smart question. I was surprised that Ymir hadn’t asked the same thing. 

I put both of my hands flat on the table, giving Ren a heavy stare, “My contact is going to have complete anonymity. I don’t plan on anyone finding out who they are. Ymir has given me his approval to use them. If you don’t like it, you can take it up with him.”

Ren wasn’t going to question Ymir. I was putting this issue to bed. 

He was silent for several moments. He was trying to find another way to argue with me, and coming up with nothing. 

“I want you to see my first meeting with Pax. He’s one of their leaders, or at least some kind of commander,” I said, moving the conversation on.

I took a breath and Ren followed. We sank into the Force together.

> I’m walking down the ramp from the cargo bay. 
> 
> The uneven mountains block the sunlight. Down here, everything is dark. 
> 
> In the path of light from my cargo bay, a man waits for me on a speeder. I can feel five more people, hidden in shadowy alcoves. 
> 
> He is tall and thin. His skin is dark. His hair is tightly curled, unkempt and shot through with white hairs. His clothes are old and ragged. 
> 
> “I’m Pax Chakrei.”
> 
> He climbs off his speeder and follows me into the cargo bay. 
> 
> I’m friendly and authoritative, introducing him to the supplies. 
> 
> It’s a windfall for him. People won’t have to go hungry. They will have medicine for their sick. 
> 
> Pax won’t take me to the base. 
> 
> He lies about other people coming to help him with the supplies. 
> 
> He asks for air support, for the Resistance to come in and liberate his people. 
> 
> His eyes are red and tired. The hollows in his cheeks tell me about the hardship and loss he’s experienced. 
> 
> I tell him that I’ll be back with more supplies, and with more Resistance soldiers. We need information to make a plan to free them.

As I opened my eyes, I heard the familiar hiss and rattle as Ren took off his mask. He set it next to him on the table.

He was giving me a serious look, “He trusts you.”

I nodded, “This is what I know how to do. The set-up is already done. They’re expecting me to come back with more people and gather information on their operation. I think we’ll have everything we need in a couple of days.”

“Then we’ll take the base and contact Commander Watts,” Ren said, “We need to prepare him for a coordinated strike. Everything I’ve read indicates they frequently move their bases. The more time they have, the more people can escape.”

“I just don’t want to give him too much information up front. The less he knows, the better. I think the guerillas are able to listen in on First Order communications.”

“We can give him the message to have his troops ready to deploy on our signal. He can have the units organized and ready to go.”

“Oh yeah, you can just leave your men on standby for days…” I said, “That would never work with any of the Resistance units I was in.”

Ren made a smug look. 

“Brennan is going to be one of our primary targets,” I continued, “He was on the radio both times, and told me that I was meeting with Pax, by name. I’m assuming they’re at the same base, and that Brennan is the comms guy for the entire group. He should have all the information on the other cells, and probably coordinates with their spies in the mines.”

“I agree with you,” Ren said, “If you’ve heard Brennan on the radio both times, he has a significant role in their communications. Can you pull up the location of the rendezvous point on the map?”

I typed in the coordinates and a little orange light appeared. 

“Pax met you on a speeder. They can’t be that far from their base,” Ren said. 

He punched in something on his tablet and more locations popped up in green. “These are the active mines.”

They had me meet them at a spot seventy kilometers from the nearest active site.

“Let’s see where the attack was…” I said, narrowing my eyes as I looked at the map. 

It highlighted in yellow, thirty kilometers north of the same mine. 

Ren drew a square around the area. 

“Their base should be somewhere in here. Commanders Watts can send out probes and scan for us ahead of time.”

“Are you serious? How would that help with the mission?” I shot back.

Ren bristled, “We’ll have intelligence on their base.”

“Our goal isn’t to capture one base,” I said, “We’re going to capture the whole cell, and we won’t be able to do that if they’re on the run because they spot a bunch of First Order probes crawling through the area.”

Ren let out a heavy sigh, “So you want us to go in blind?”

“We have the Force. We’re not going in blind,” I said with a confident smile. 

He had to fight a grin. 

“Honestly,” I said, “I think the hardest part will be meeting up with them without being detected by our own security patrols.”

“How did you manage it the last time?” Ren asked. 

“I programmed a real-time map of their flight patterns on my console and used the Force,” I replied with an easy grin, “Want to be my pilot?”

“Yes,” Ren said firmly. 

We talked logistics for a little while, going over the terrain map and my flight path to the meeting point. I showed him the uneven mountains, the massive faults and crevasses all jumbled together. 

After discussing the terrain and potential base locations, we started talking through our approach.

I was happy to play it all be ear. The First Order barely had any information on the freedom fighters. We didn’t know where we’d be going, who we’d be interacting with. We had to stay flexible.

As we made plans, I watched Ren loosen up. He was excited for the challenge. 

“Once we’re on the ground, our main goal is for them to trust us,” I said, “These people are smart. They’ve been able to operate right under the First Order’s nose for years without getting caught. We should start working on our backstories together. We’re also going to have to figure out what we’re bringing with us. Your lightsaber and mask are a liability.”

Ren nodded, his expression souring. 

“I’ve always found that sticking as close to the truth as possible is the only way to make a story credible. You don’t have to remember as much, and you won’t fuck up the details,” I said. 

Ekene said that Ren always found a way to pull through. I’d believe it when I saw it. 

“My first mission was to clean up a group of pirates,” I continued, deciding to give Ren an example, “I knew the system, so I knew a local bar they would probably show up at. I staked the place out for a few days, pretending to be a freelancer in between jobs. If anyone asked, I had a story prepared - the crews I used to work with, where I had come from, made-up contacts, all of that.”

Ren began to make a serious frown. 

“I’ve already introduced myself as Mara. I’m going to tell them I’m a Resistance Lieutenant, stationed on Dantooine.”

“You promoted yourself?” Ren jabbed. 

I grinned, “Sounds better than a private coming in on a liberation mission. So, let’s start with the basics, what’s your rank?”

“I’m a captain,” he said, “From the same base on Dantooine.”

“Well if you’re a captain, then I need to be a captain. I’m running the mission, remember? When did you enlist?” I asked. 

I had the tablet up, typing as I talked. 

“My parents were part of the Rebellion and continued their work after the war,” Ren said, a sneer tugging at his lips. 

“You’ll have to lose the attitude when you say it,” I said, “Where were you born?”

“Chandrilla.”

“Oh, so your people have some money,” I said with a sly glint in my eye, “What made a wealthy son of two Rebels decide to join the Resistance?”

“It’s my family legacy,” Ren said. He was starting to get emotional. His expression was deadpan, but I could feel the beginnings of it stirring inside of him. I needed to see if he could keep it together. “Why did you join the Resistance?” he asked, thinking he could turn this around and rile me up. 

“I was born on Tevel. My father was a pilot with the Rebellion, but he took our family into hiding after the war. I watched the First Order rise up around me, taking our land and conscripting our people.”

“And what happened to your father?” Ren asked. He was pushing, trying to get under my skin. Like our sparring match this morning, this showed me exactly where his weaknesses were. 

“The First Order found him and killed him, our family went on the run afterwards, and that’s how I connected with the Resistance,” I said, completely unruffled, “Your parents are also in the Resistance, what’s their information? Ranks? Where are they stationed?”

“My mother is...a colonel, on D’Qar…”

Shit, he knew where she was stationed. I could not let him find out where I was going. 

“If you tell them your mother is a colonel, then we should say she’s one of our superiors. She’s sending her son, a captain, on this liberation mission.”

Ren’s expression was growing tighter. 

“So what about your father. I’m assuming he’s on D’Qar too?” I continued.

Han had gone back to his life as a smuggler. He had left the Resistance years before I joined. He was a living legend, a scoundrel that popped up for a job and disappeared just as quickly when it was done. 

“Yes, he’s also a colonel on D’Qar…” Ren’s jaw was tight, his eyes hard. 

It was an open secret that Han had left after Ren joined the First Order. General Organa had managed to keep her head up, while Han and Luke had both run away. 

“If this is too much, you should go with a different story,” I said, keeping my cool, “Say your parents are dead, and you grew up on Cardota.” 

Ren was glaring at me, taking my words as an insult. His temper flared and I could feel the sudden rush of emotion. 

I was leaning forward, ready to fight if he tried anything. 

He grabbed his mask from the table, spun around, and hurled it as hard as he could. 

It impacted the far wall, leaving a dent in the plaster. A painting dropped, crashing onto the ground. The mask bounced off the wall, hit the back of a chair, and clattered against the furniture and stone tiles. 

“What the fuck, Ren!”

His shoulders were heaving and he whirled around, a finger pointed at me, eyes wild. 

“I can’t feel anything from you!” he shouted, “You lie to their faces and tell them you’re going to help. You tell them your story about your family, and it’s nothing to you!”

I weathered the storm. This was exactly what I thought would happen if Ren was put on this mission. 

Having seen his memory from Korriban, I felt less superior. 

“It isn’t nothing,” I said, “You know I saw my father out in the grassland.”

Ren’s brows drew together, but his shoulders relaxed. 

He wanted to start a fight with me, but I wasn’t going to take the bait, “When I was leaving Otomok, after I met with Pax, I thought about him. My father would kill me if he could see me now.”

“But he can’t,” Ren snarled, “Your family is all dead.”

I stared at him, making my gaze as heavy and as dangerous as I could. 

“I didn’t ask for you to be on this mission with me,” I said, my voice firm, “That was Ymir’s decision. I don’t need you.”

Ren blinked, coming back to himself, “Siobhan...that’s not what I meant…”

“That’s exactly what you fucking meant!” I snapped. 

He stiffened. 

I wasn’t going to let him get away with pushing me around the same way he did with everyone else. 

“I was born a Skywalker. I grew up on bases. I know what it’s like, and I know what to say,” he said, expression softening. 

“Can you do this with me, then?” I demanded, my tone sharp. 

“Yes,” Ren said, his expression formal and serious, acting like a good little soldier, “I need some time alone. I’ll think through a backstory and meet you at the rooms later.”

He was so fucking spoiled. 

“Sure,” I said. 

Ren _summoned_ his mask to his hand and secured it over his face. 

I sat down while he left the room, cloak and robes rustling. 

What a fucking asshole. 

I wasn’t going to stay in this room to work alone. 

I waited a couple of minutes to make sure I wouldn’t run into him in a hallway, then I made my way to the suite. 

**III**

When I got back to the rooms, I found Ymir in the sitting area. His usual holofeed was arrayed in front of him, opaque from the back. 

He was having a conversation with someone. 

I trudged towards my room. I took another shower and give myself some time to cool off. I thought about heading into the city and letting my hair down for a few hours. 

Ren was such a fucking asshole. 

He had done his little nice act for a couple of days, but as soon as things stopped going his way he was at my throat, trying to find the places where he could hurt me. 

Thankfully, I had a thicker skin than he did. 

I was wrapped in my towel, deciding what I would wear, when there was a knock at my door. 

Ymir was standing outside. 

“You’re not done with the mission planning yet,” he said. 

“Nope,” I confirmed. 

“Where’s Kylo Ren?” 

“Somewhere.”

“What happened?” Ymir asked with visible disappointment. 

“What do you think happened? He got upset and stormed off,” I snapped. Ymir began taking in a breath, not happy with my attitude. “Look, just come in,” I said, opening the door. 

I _moved_ two chairs so we could sit across from each other. My hair was still wet and I knew Ymir could see the marks across the tops of my shoulders. 

I took a seat, not bothering with a robe or a change of clothes. 

“He’s not going to be able to do this mission,” I said, “He had a meltdown while we were coming up with backstories.”

“We had a difficult training today. He’ll come around,” Ymir said, infuriatingly calm. 

“Then why did you do it? You had him go through that fucking memory, then told him you thought I did a better job in the grassland.”

“You did.”

“He was just a kid!”

Ymir made a wicked smile, “Are you defending him?” 

I glared at Ymir, sick of all these games he played, pitting people against each other, manipulating them. 

“Kylo Ren is the best warrior and the best pilot in the First Order, but his weaknesses are just as prominent,” Ymir said, “I don’t think you would have had the same reaction as he did, even if I took you to the grassland at the same age.”

“So what? You want me to train him now?” I sneered. 

“Absolutely not,” Ymir said with good humor, “But I think you can both learn from one another.”

“I can do this mission on my own,” I said. 

“I’m sure you can, but I have two apprentices and I need to see if you can be trusted to work together.”

I crossed my arms over my chest, mouth twisting to the side. 

“Finish your mission plans. If he continues to be unreliable, you can discuss it with me before the briefing tomorrow. But, in my experience, he always comes around.”

“You’re very forgiving of him,” I said, lips pursing. 

“I’m very forgiving of you as well,” Ymir said, arching an eyebrow. “Show me those marks he made.”

I looked at Ymir, completely caught off guard. 

“I saw how you moved in training today,” he said, completely calm, settled back in the chair. 

A wicked, curling smile was pulling at my lips. 

I smoothly stood up and allowed the towel to slip to the floor. I met his eyes. 

He could see the bruises on my breasts from the riding crop, the red marks across my belly and the fronts of my thighs. 

Slowly, I began to turn, and I let him see my back, the purple lines, welts, and scabs. 

Ymir appraised me as I did a full circle, but his expression was unreadable. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. I expected to see lust, or anger, or disappointment, but there was nothing. He wasn’t reacting to my little show.

I stood in front of him for several moments, feeling as naked as I had ever felt in my life.

Finally, he got to his feet. 

“You’ll figure it out. I’ll be here the rest of the evening,” Ymir said and left the room, shutting the door behind him.

Angrily, I picked up my towel from the ground, wrapping it tightly around me. These people were going to drive me crazy. I needed to get out of this place. 

I remembered Priya’s offer. She had thought that I had gotten into the normal kind of trouble. 

I had served in a war. I did smuggling on the side. If I had some enemies or debts, I could go to her for advice and a safe place to stay. 

There was no coming back from this. 

**IV**

I got dressed and sent a request for food through the console. 

Julian came to my room with a tray. I took it to the table. 

Ymir stayed where he was in the sitting room, making calls and typing away on something. 

He was in rare form. He hadn’t fucked with me like this since Korriban. 

When I was done eating, I took a glass of wine to the balcony, gathering my thoughts. 

The rain had stopped. The balcony was wet and cold, but I still preferred the wind and the ocean to the suite. 

I was going to keep this situation going in my favor. 

Ymir had put me in command of the mission. Ren was volatile. All I had to do was keep my composure, and I’d look stronger than him. 

Once I completed a successful mission, I should have some wiggle room to move around the Galaxy on my own. I would go to the Outpost and see Ahobri and Jukhara. 

Ren found me on the balcony. His mask was on, again. “Are you ready to finish the mission plans?” he asked, in his grating mechanical voice. 

“Yeah. Sure,” I said, turning around, “Back to the meeting room?’

“I set up a holoprojector in my room, everything’s ready.”

We were going to work in his room. Why not?

I followed him through the balcony door into his room, taking off my damp outer jacket as I entered. 

Ren had actually set up a working space in the sitting area. 

I put my jacket on the back of a chair and Ren took a seat, unfastening his mask. 

He looked at me, his expression serious and sad, “Siobhan, there are always two paths for me,” he began. 

He had taken the time to put together a speech... I wondered if there was going to be an apology somewhere in it. 

“I was seven when Luke took me in for training, when he started the Jedi Academy. I trained with him for almost ten years, until he tried to kill me,” he took a breath. “I renounced the Light and joined Lord Ymir and the First Order, but that old path still exists. My mother is the leader of the Resistance. Luke is a powerful Jedi. You don’t know what it’s like to have that kind of legacy.”

What a selfish asshole. 

There were so many things I could say, but I chose to keep my mouth shut. 

“Luke mentioned your father a couple times, when he talked about the battles of Hoth and Endor. I was surprised to hear his name again when I joined Lord Ymir.”

I sat perfectly still, waiting to see where he was going with this. 

Ren paused, leaning forward, his elbows on his knees, hair falling on either side of his face, “I don’t sense any conflict in you. Even in your dream. I felt your love for your father, but there wasn’t any doubt in your heart.”

“There wasn’t anyone to teach me about the Force when I was a kid,” I said, “My father had a spark, but that was all. I didn’t know anything until I met Ymir. I’ve only ever felt the Darkside.”

Ren made a serious nod, “I don’t have the same luxury,” he said, “Even though I’ve committed myself to the Darkside, I still see the path that I was supposed to take.”

I knew it would be too much for him to apologize. 

Ren was picking up his tablet, and activating it, “I put together a backstory while I was alone. We can finish the mission plans.”

He had actually put together something that worked. He would be Captain Gos. His first name was Kayden, Kay for short. He was from from Raysho in the Hosnian System, currently stationed on Dantooine. His parents were Colonels, both serving on Hosnian Prime. 

Our story was that we met during officer training. I would be Captain Mara Zhang, from Tevel, with a particular axe to grind against the First Order. My father had been murdered by them, and I grew up on the run. 

We revisited our plan for once we joined with the guerillas. I’d be in charge of gathering intelligence, establishing a relationship with their leadership. While I was gathering intelligence, Ren would be scouting out the base, to plan how we would incapacitate them. He’d spend time with their soldiers and see what information he could gather about their spies.” 

I wanted us to stay as separate as possible. We could communicate mind-to-mind using the Force, so we didn’t need to stay close. The more we were apart, the less suspicious people would be. 

As we continued planning, I allowed my anger and frustration to soften. 

We’d do this mission. We’d be successful, then I’d be on my merry way. Ymir would feel secure that he had two strong apprentices, and I wouldn’t be trapped on his Estate any more. 

***

We fucked that night. 

Ren left the lights on, looking at the bruises he had made on my skin. 

“These won’t be gone by the time the mission starts,” he said. There was a smugness in his tone that told me he liked that I’d be walking around with his marks. 

“I’ll have to make up a story for it,” I sighed.

He ran his fingertips along my skin, gentle this time. “Oh, what’s that?” he asked, teasing. 

“I was captured by a Sith Lord,” I said, letting myself be playful, “He tortured me for hours, but I didn’t give in.”

Ren gave me a sharp smack on the ass. 

He fucked me from behind, moving deliciously slowly. I had time for my orgasm to build, and I shuddered against him as he pulled at a nipple. He came shortly afterwards, my hips pressed into the bed, both his hands on my ass, moaning as his cock pulsed inside of me. 

**V**

Our morning training was uneventful. Ymir had us meditating in the gardens. We did physical practice in the room where we had our big state luncheon just a couple of days before. 

All the tables and chairs had been cleared out, giving us a large space for calisthenics and sparring. 

I hadn’t hadn’t given myself much time to think about doing a briefing in front of Snoke. 

As I thought about it, I couldn’t find anything to be nervous about. I was the mission commander. Ymir had been at my side when Snoke tried to bully me, and Ekene said that he went back to talk with him. 

I didn’t need him to like me. He didn’t scare me. All I had to do was get through the meeting, then I would be free to pick up supplies from Vin. 

After training, we were given time for breakfast and cleaning ourselves up. 

Ren was rubbing at his cheeks when he entered the suite. His mask was tucked under his arm. 

“You shouldn’t shave,” I said. 

He gave me a nonplussed look. 

“For the mission,” I clarified, “You look too posh right now.”

Ymir was setting up his holoprojector at the table, half-listening to our conversation. 

Ren did not appreciate my assessment. 

“I’ll get clothes for us while I’m on the supply run,” I said. 

“So I’ll work on a beard, and you’ll make sure I look like a rank and file soldier?” Ren said, a corner of his mouth turning down. 

“Exactly!” I said with a cheerful smile, “I’ll make sure you look like every hot-shot pilot I’ve ever flown with.”

Ren sighed and rolled his eyes before going to his room. 

Tasha had my kit bag packed for the supply run. I realized I hadn’t seen her in almost two days. 

She noticed the marks along my back as she helped me into the formal robes. “Madam,” she began. 

“It’s nothing for you to worry about,” I said. 

She pursed her lips in concern. 

“I’m a Sith,” I told her, “You’ve already seen me with worse. These will all heal.”

Tasha paused at that statement, “Yes, madam.”

***

The three of us walked to Snoke’s audience chamber. 

Ren was dressed in his mask, cloak, and robes. Ymir was in his utility clothes. I had my tablet with the mission notes tucked under my arm. 

Snoke was in his sitting room. There was food displayed on the table. He had a fine, ceramic mug in hand. There were a servant and a service droid at attention. 

An area had been prepared for the briefing, with four chairs arranged around a table and a holoprojector in the center. 

Two crimson guards stood at the doors on the far end of the room. 

“Lord Ymir, Kylo Ren,” Snoke greeted. 

I stood with my arms crossed, fighting a smirk. 

It was so strange to see Ymir and Snoke interacting. Snoke was a full head and shoulders taller, but he looked weak in comparison, with his pale and wrinkled skin, the scars and marks on his face. 

“Do we have any updates before the briefing?”

“Siobhan will be leaving today on her final supply run,” Ymir said, “Based on the timeline they’ve provided, their mission on Otomok should be complete by the time our first shipment of recruits and Juall’s engineering teams arrive at Starkiller Base. If that’s the case, they should plan to meet us there to debrief.”

“That works very well,” Snoke said, guiding us towards the seats, “And Vice Admiral Hux has his orders for the Finalizer. Is he prepared to work with Captain Phasma?”

“Yes, Superior General,” Ren said, “I met with him.”

“Kylo Ren, can I have the mission plans?” Snoke asked. 

“Siobhan is leading this mission. She’ll be conducting the briefing,” Ymir corrected, with a sharp look at Snoke.

“Kylo Ren outranks her, by experience alone,” Snoke said, a sneer twisting his face. 

“I won’t have this conversation with you,” Ymir said firmly. “Siobhan has taken the initiative on Otomok. She is the commanding officer.”

Ren’s head was turning towards me. 

I had my tablet out, syncing with the projector. 

“Gentlemen,” I said with a smile, “Here’s the plan for destroying the guerrilla cell on Otomok.”

I presented the plan, starting with Ren piloting us to the rendezvous point. I demonstrated the lack of information from the First Order reports and told them we’d need to be flexible once we were on the ground. 

I showed them the simple map Ren had created with the markers for where I met Pax and the nearby mines. 

“Once we’re at the base our goal is to remain as separate as possible,” I said, “Ren will join with their soldiers and will be scouting out the base. I’ll be responsible for connecting with their leadership and Brennan. Once we have the information we need, we’ll incapacitate the base and contact the commander.”

“You should be making daily calls to Commander Watts to inform him of your progress,” Snoke said. 

I shook my head, “We’ll be doing this completely undercover. Watts shouldn’t know anything until we give him the signal.”

Snoke looked to Ymir. 

“I agree with her plan,” Ymir replied, “If Commander Watts steps in, or makes any changes, it could make the guerillas suspicious.”

“That leads me to my next point,” I said, keeping my tone light, “I want your authorization to fire on our own troops, if we need to.”

“Your Rebel side is showing,” Snoke sneered, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“I just want to acknowledge it before it becomes a problem. If we’re on the ground, acting as part of a guerilla group, we could run into a security patrol or some other kind of conflict,” I said. 

“That’s appropriate for the situation,” Ymir said, “I will expect both of you to have written reports at the end of the mission, and you’ll conduct a debrief with myself and Commander Watts.”

Their stormtroopers were just chaff. Ymir didn’t seem even slightly bothered. 

We finished the briefing.   
Ren would contact Commander Watts to let him know that our mission would be happening completely undercover, and to keep several battalions ready to deploy. We’d have codes to use in case we were transmitting over the guerilla’s comms. 

I returned to my room to change out of my robes and into utility clothes, then I hustled over to the hangars. 

***

Inside Rosie, I did a cursory check of the interior, making sure nothing with an obvious First Order label or barcode was packed. 

Once I was satisfied, I grabbed a beer from the kitchen, went to the console to check my messages, and warmed up the engines. 

Vin had sent a reply: [I’m going to be out on another job by the time you arrive. Your supplies are in cache twenty-three. Leave the money at the drop site. I’ve attached the code.]

There was an encrypted file attached to the message. I was going to need to input the code manually to open the cache - forty-three randomized letters and numbers. That’s what I got for making Vin wait. 

I cleared myself for departure from the hangar and left Taltua. 

As soon as I was in open space, I cracked open the beer, turned up my music, and made my hyperspace coordinates. 

My first stop wouldn’t be D’Qar. 

Snoke had tampered with my ship. I was sure of it. 

There had to be at least one form of bugging. I was not going to pick up supplies until I had found it. 

I set the coordinates for Mygeeto. That would put me in the Outer Rim without giving Snoke any meaningful information. 

I pushed the lever forward, and the stars stretched out in front of me. 

There was a lot of work to do. 

**VI**

I had twelve hours in hyperspace to search the interior of my ship. 

The first thing I did was run a program through my console, to check for any malicious software that might have been installed. It would take a few hours for it to run, so I started the search for a physical tracking device. 

I kept my music loud, throbbing through the speakers, and nursed a few beers while I worked. There was one last line of Blue left in the baggie. I snorted it off my little metal sink and ran a finger around the inside of the bag, rubbing what was left on my gums. 

There wasn’t a wall panel left untouched or nook unexplored. My toolkit and shop light hung at my side. 

I couldn’t find anything. 

Snoke had tampered with my ship. Coming up empty-handed wasn’t an option. 

By the time I had arrived on Mygeeto, the console program hadn’t detected anything suspicious, either. I hadn’t found anything from an interior search, so it must be on the exterior. 

I found a fueling depot and took her down to the maintenance lot. 

Mygeeto was a cold, windswept planet. 

I needed to bundle up and keep my work gloves on. 

Searching the exterior of my ship was tedious. I made several trips into the depot for hot cups of caffeine, warming myself up and keeping myself alert. 

Still, I couldn’t find anything. I was getting frustrated. 

No one could know I was visiting D’Qar. I wasn’t going to let Vin’s identity be compromised. What I was already doing was bad enough. 

After giving them a couple of hours to cool off, I climbed inside the main engines. 

I found the tracker deep inside. It was near the combustion chamber, tucked inside a panel. 

It should have been too hot here for a device to function, but this was First Order technology. 

The tracker fit neatly inside of my palm. It had a red light at the center, blinking at regular intervals. 

I opened the back and dismantled it, throwing the components into my toolbox. 

I didn’t stop until I had searched all the engines for any spot another tracker could be hidden. 

Nothing else turned up. 

Finally, with a little peace of mind, I parked my ship behind the depot and caught a few hours of shut-eye in my bunk. 

***

After my nap, I hit the nearby market for clothes and speeders. 

I got myself a poncho in earthy shades of brown, red, and orange, and got a few more pairs of pants and shirts. I picked out clothing for Ren, guessing at his size. When I was done, I had a collection of jackets, shirts, pants, and a brimmed hat. 

All of the clothing had been previously owned, with worn spots and places were the dye had faded.

The speeders were perfect. They were well-worn, dented, with patches and tape on the seats. The paint was uneven with marks from where decals and paint had been applied and sanded off. 

Once everything was loaded in Rosie’s cargo bay, it was a quick half-hour trip to D’Qar. 

***

I arrived at nighttime and navigated myself to cache twenty-three. 

This drop site was at the edge of a field, more out in the open than I liked. 

I typed the code in with painstaking care. One wrong entry would lock it down. 

The power generators and three crates of weapons were waiting for me inside. 

I thought about using the Force to lift everything into my cargo bay, but if there was any surveillance on me I wouldn’t be able to explain myself. I used the levitating dolly and struggled with the heavy crates on my own, making several trips to load everything in the cargo bay. 

When I was done, I dropped the sack of currency into the empty cache and locked it back up. I had added an extra fifty credits, seeing as how Vin had been holding onto this shipment for almost a week. 

I sent a note to Vin: [Just picked up. Left a little something extra.]

The pick up had taken less than half an hour. I had just spent seventeen hours on travel, searching my ship, and shopping for gear at the market. Another twelve hours in hyperspace lay ahead. 

I paused, about to warm up my engines. 

I could go to the Resistance base. It was close, less than one hundred kilometers away. I could tell them about Starkiller Base, about the freedom fighters on Otomok. 

There was a tremble in my hands. 

Ren acted like he was the only one with a burden on his shoulders, the only one who experienced conflict. 

If I went to the base, I could make this right, but where would that leave me?

Telling the Resistance about the First Order’s plans wouldn’t get me any closer to killing Ymir. It would only turn me into a fugitive. 

Angrily, I _reached_ for the Darkside. It was always hungry, always needing more. 

I had handed over my base to take my spot at Ymir’s side. I had survived half a cycle abandoned on Korriban, now I was going to destroy a group of freedom fighters, all to serve my own selfish path of revenge. 

My hands were moving across the controls, warming the engines up. 

I took Rosie into open space, putting temptation behind me. I set my hyperspace coordinates for Taltua. 

I was going to have a conversation with Snoke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for following this story! Things are just going to keep heating up for Ren and Siobhan over the next few chapters...
> 
> I wanted to take a moment and thank everyone who's read this story, in any capacity. This has been a labor of love. Everyone's comments have been so encouraging and so fun to read. It means so much to know other folks are enjoying these characters and world building. 
> 
> Hope everyone has a wonderful New Year! See y'all in 2020!


	12. Infiltration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy 2020 everyone!
> 
> Siobhan found a tracker on her ship as she went on her final supply run for her mission. She's plans to confront Snoke when she returns to the palace. 
> 
> Everything is ready to begin the mission against the freedom fighters of Otomok. 
> 
> Siobhan's preparations with Ren were fraught. She doesn't have confidence he can complete an undercover mission. 
> 
> What will happen as they travel to the Rebel base?

**I**

A storm was raging on Taltua when I arrived.

Rain hammered against my cockpit windows and lightning arced outside. I took Rosie down through the clouds and looked at the ocean seething beneath me. 

The weather fit my mood. 

Everything was prepared for my meeting with Snoke. I had my lightsabers hooked to my belt, and the tracker tucked away in my olive jacket. 

A droid directed me into hangar one. I took my place next to Ymir’s silver cruiser. 

I told the mechanics to fuel her up and began striding quickly to Snoke’s audience chamber. 

That man had been fucking with me from the first time we met. I wasn’t going to take it anymore. 

He had tested me when I returned to his palace. I had killed one of his guards, and I knew I could take the rest of them if I needed to. 

Snoke had caught me by surprise when he struck me with lightning, but this time I would be prepared. 

I marched through the empty sitting room. 

Two crimson guards guarded the door to his audience chamber and I roughly _shoved_ them against the wall, heads snapping backwards, hard enough to stun them. 

Using the Force, I _burst_ through the doors. 

At the far end of the hall, Snoke sat on his throne, having a conversation with two human men in black and blue robes. 

“We need to talk,” I announced, moving swiftly forward, “Now.”

The men startled, turning to look at me before turning back to Snoke, trying to figure out what they should do. 

There were three crimson guards standing at the wall behind his throne. Their weapons were at the ready, red plasma filaments crackling. 

I _captured_ them, pinning them against the wall, one hand outstretched to channel my energy. 

Snoke made a sneering smile, scars and wrinkled skin twisting. “We’ll resume our meeting later,” he calmly told the men, dismissing them with a wave of his hand. 

They made a short bow and gratefully left the room, giving me a wide berth as I continued forward. 

Behind me, I could hear the guards from the sitting room rushing inside. 

“Stand down,” Snoke ordered, not a hint of fear in his voice, “You can release them, Siobhan.”

I lowered my hand and allowed the guards to drop. Their armored boots were heavy against the stone floors. 

I reached inside my pocket and threw the tracking device at Snoke, “I knew you were going to bug my ship, from the moment I landed in your hangar!”

Snoke _caught_ the tracker, an amused glint in his pale blue eyes. He brought it down to rest on the wide arm of his throne.

Rain was battering the red, stained-glass windows. I could feel the hate from his guards. They wanted to fight me. 

“You are quick. I got the report that we lost you on Mygeeto,” Snoke said, completely unconcerned at my angry show. 

“I’m not going to let you treat me like this anymore,” I said, defiance rising strong in my chest, “I’m a Sith! I’m part of the First Order, whether you like it or not!”

Snoke said nothing, but was paying attention now, leaning forward, his hands clasped. 

“We can choose to keep fighting like this,” I continued, “But I think it will benefit you more to accept my position.”

He began to laugh, “Look at that determination! That fiery warrior spirit! Little Sith, I’m starting to see why Lord Ymir likes you.”

My back teeth ground together and my hands wrapped into fists. 

The guards were watching me, waiting for Snoke to give the command to action.

“Your behavior here and your work fighting pirates hasn’t convinced me of your capabilities. I’m waiting until you’ve completed this mission of yours to make up my mind,” Snoke said, his tone aloof and dismissive, “How has it been, preparing Kylo Ren for this assignment?”

The conversation was turning. I thought Ren was his golden boy, but there was a sly meanness to the question. 

“It’s exactly what you would expect,” I said, my hands moving to my hips. 

“Ben Solo has proved himself to be very useful to us,” Snoke said, a long finger pointed at me, “His betrayal tore the Resistance apart. General Solo disappeared, returning to his old smuggling ways. Luke Skywalker vanished after his failure. General Organa’s reputation has been permanently damaged. How can you possibly be as useful to us?”

I bristled, turning on my heel to leave. If he wanted to keep fighting, so be it. 

The guards standing at the exit had their weapons gripped tightly in their crimson gloves.

“I know about your battle with Lord Ymir on Korriban,” Snoke called after me, “I know he walked away with a scar of his own.”

I turned around. Snoke had my attention. 

“He’s been at war for decades, but he’s not a man with many battlescars,” Snoke said. 

I watched him, waiting to see where he was going. 

“Rajendra will be on Starkiller Base when we arrive,” Snoke continued, “He’s expressed quite a bit of interest in you. You should speak with him, he might provide you with some insight on your Master.”

“He’s not my Master,” I spat, my expression dark. 

Snoke made a cruel smile in response, “I’ll await the results of your mission, Siobhan. You can go.”

I turned my back on him again and left the room, the air crackling as I passed by his two guards. 

***

Anger swirled in my chest as I made my way towards the suite. 

I didn’t know what to make of Snoke’s comments. 

He knew that I had injured Ymir on Korriban, and it obviously interested him. I was beginning to see the rifts in their relationship. 

Snoke sat on his throne with the title of Superior General, but he never got anywhere near the war he was fueling. Ymir told me that Snoke didn’t care about creating a new Sith Empire, that all he wanted was power and control over the Galaxy. 

Why did he want me to talk to Raj? I didn’t think Snoke’s relationship with him would be different from Ymir’s, but maybe it was. 

Or maybe Snoke knew that Ymir didn’t want me to talk to Raj, and just wanted to find a new way to make me look bad. 

Everything was so unclear. 

I made a purposeful detour through the gardens to think, slowing my pace as I walked over the paving stones. 

The supply run had been long, around thirty hours for a half-hour visit to unload the cache. My nerves were frayed from training with Ymir and Ren, and then spending more than twelve hours to find a tracker on my ship. 

I wasn’t going to catch a break any time soon. I had a mission ahead of me. I had to keep my head on my shoulders. 

My thoughts shifted to Ahobri, Jukhara, and my friends at the Outpost. I was determined to meet back up with them. I needed to get away from all of this shit for a while. 

I was familiar with politics, infighting, and difficult personalities. These things played out in every crew I had ever been a part of, but the stakes had never been this high. 

Ymir and Snoke were the heads of the First Order, Kylo Ren right beneath them. I was acting as an agent in their plan to create the most powerful weapon in the Galaxy. 

This was the time to stay sharp, not to be distracted by fear. 

***

By the time I returned to the suite, my mind had settled. 

I found Ymir in the sitting room, talking with a politician I didn’t recognize. There was a holoprojector on the table, displaying numbers I couldn’t make sense of. A map of trade routes was displayed in the corner. 

“This is my acolyte, Lin Siniang,” Ymir greeted, “Lin, this is Senator Ardern of Denon.”

The politician stood and made a formal bow, then shook my hand. We exchanged greetings. I wasn’t paying too much attention. I just wanted to be on my way. 

Ymir remained seated, “Lin, I’m assuming we need to discuss the final preparations for your mission.” 

“I should be ready to go in a couple of hours,” I said. 

There was no sign of Ren. 

“Then we should meet now,” Ymir said, climbing to his feet. He was very well dressed, in robes of black and gold. His beard had been freshly trimmed, and his hair was pulled back. “Senator Ardern, please excuse us for this meeting. We’ll finish our conversation later today.”

“Of course, Lord Ymir,” the politician said as Ymir shook his hand, “A pleasure to meet you, Madam Siniang.”

I wasn’t getting tired of the respect people were showing me. I looked like shit. I hadn’t changed my clothes. My hair was a mess. There were bags under my eyes. But I was Ymir’s acolyte, with two lightsabers on my belt. Everyone was going to play nice with me. 

Ymir saw the politician out the door and turned to me with a less friendly expression. 

“You went to the Superior General after you arrived. Why?”

“He put a tracker on my ship. I needed him to know he can’t get away with that,” I said, putting a hand on my hip. 

Ymir approached me, getting close. 

I could feel his seething anger, right beneath the surface. 

“Do you have to make trouble everywhere you go?”

“I actually think it was our best conversation yet,” I said easily. 

Ymir stared at me, deciding how he wanted to react. 

“Any difficulties you have with the Superior General should go through me. I’m your ally in this, Siobhan. I had a long talk with him after your first altercation.”

“I know, Ekene told me.”

Ymir put a hand on my shoulder and took in a breath, letting me hear his frustration, “If all you want to do is start fights, I’ll leave you to it.”

“Look, the supply run is done and I’m pretty much ready to go,” I replied, changing the topic, “Where’s Ren?”

“He’s training. Send someone to let him know you’ve arrived.”

“Then I’ll see you on Starkiller Base,” I said, moving toward the door. I was keeping my tone nonchalant, but my heart was twisting in my chest. 

Ymir gave me a grudging smile, “Do well on this mission. I’ll see you on Starkiller Base.” 

I left the room, ready to put some distance between myself and this place. 

**II**

I found a servant in the hall. I told him to contact Ren, and to have someone bring a meal to me in the hangar. I also requested some last-minute items - a couple of bottles of whiskey, and a few pouches of t’bac with rolling papers. 

I walked back to the hangar. It was time to get Rosie ready. 

The mechanics had fueled her up while I was away. 

I checked my comms. Vin had left a message: [Pleasure doing business with you, Shore Leave]

My smile was bitter. He had no idea what I was about to do. 

I deleted the message, switched to my primary comms, then turned up my music. 

I glanced around at the state of my cockpit. Flattened beer cans were scattered across the floor - two rested in the copilot’s chair. There were moco packets and snack wrappers shoved into a crevice of the console. 

The place was a mess. 

I imagined how Ren would react when he saw it, and I decided to leave everything exactly how it was. 

The first project I took on was making an inventory of the weapons Vin had included. 

With my music blaring from the cargo bay, I _guided_ the speeders out into the hangar. I _lifted_ the crates out next, leaving them on the hangar floor. 

I noticed the non-droid mechanics watching me out of the corners of their eyes, too nervous to stare. 

Julian arrived with a tray of food and the rest of the items I had asked for.

“You can just set those on that crate over there,” I said, kneeling in front of an open one. 

Vin had really outdone himself. There were at least thirty blasters here, a variety of models, each with a weathered Resistance insignia stamped on the grip.

“Yes, madam,” he said politely. 

I noticed his eyes wandering across the scene, taking in my ragged little ship, the loud music coming from the open cargo bay, the crates of weapons, the Resistance insignias. 

“Are you curious?” I asked, walking over and examining one of the whiskey bottles. It was nice, but it wasn’t nice enough to raise eyebrows. 

“Madam…” he stammered, looking down. 

“It’s okay,” I said with a friendly smile. “I’m getting ready for a mission.”

“What’s the mission?” Julian asked. I could hear the nervousness in his voice and I watched him rock on his heels. 

“Me and Kylo Ren are taking out a terrorist cell on a mining colony,” I said with a wicked grin. 

He was too scared to make conversation, “Um, good luck, madam. To the First Order!”

I looked at him with a playful light in my eyes, “Thanks.”

Julian scurried off with a little bounce in his step. 

I finished the inventory of the weapons, eating as I worked. 

There were thirty standard-issue Resistance blasters, five long-range blasters, several dozen grenades and smoke bombs. There was a collection of combat and kit knives. 

I took two long- and short-range blasters for myself and Ren. I attached eight of the grenades to my bandolier. 

Next, I tested the three power generators, making sure they were in working order. Then I did a check on the speeders, making sure they could at least survive the mission. 

With everything checked out, I reorganized the munitions crates, opened the hidden compartments in the floor of the cargo bay, and loaded everything in. 

I felt Ren enter the hangar. 

“Well, look at you,” I said, turning towards him. I tried not to grin, but I couldn’t help it. 

Ren looked completely normal. 

He was still dressed in dark colors, but his clothes were casual. He had found military-grade fatigues in drab browns and grays. His hair was tied back and there was a shadow of a beard and mustache coming in. He had his kit bag slung casually over his shoulder. 

He looked like half the Resistance pilots I had ever fucked. 

His eyebrow was arched as he approached. I thought it was in response to my comment, but then I noticed him looking at my ship. 

“This is Rosie,” I introduced, gesturing towards her. 

“Ymir lets you use this? On missions?” he asked, dropping his kitbag at his side. I watched his expression shift between humor and disbelief. 

“He had the same reaction when he first saw her,” I said, clapping Ren on the shoulder, “I just finished packing everything. I’ll give you the tour.”

Ren picked up his kitbag and followed me up the ramp. He surveyed the inside of the cargo bay, grimacing at my loud music. 

“I’m surprised the Superior General let you park this in the hangar,” he teased, raising his voice over the sound. 

I closed the floorboards over the munitions crates in the hidden compartments, and I _pulled_ the speeders back inside. 

I raised the ramp, closing the cargo bay. Ren was examining the small collection of blasters and grenades I had set aside. 

“Those are ours,” I said, and I motioned for him to follow me, “I got your quarters set up.”

I assumed we’d be spending most of our time in my bunk, but there were two rooms on the ship - I might as well use them. 

We passed by the cockpit and I noticed Ren trying to steal a peek inside. 

I opened the door to the second set of quarters. It was a dim, brown, metal box, the mirror image of mine. There was a bunk set into the wall. I had left the clothes I bought for him stacked on top of the sheets. Next to the bed was a locker. A couple of panels were built, to be used as a desk or shelving. In the corner was a water closet that doubled as a toilet and shower. 

“This is really something,” Ren said, with a pained expression, dropping his kit bag on top of the thin mattress. 

My music was echoing in the hallway behind us. 

“No one is ever going to think this is a First Order ship,” I said, leaning in the doorway, “I picked up those clothes for you at a market. I should have your size right.”

Ren approached me, a more playful look in his eyes. He brought a hand to my face and kissed me, pressing his body against mine. I could feel the fresh stubble coming in on his chin. 

I wouldn’t mind him spending the hyperspace trip in my bunk. 

“Bring anything fun in that kit bag?” I purred, nipping at his bottom lip.

“We’re going undercover, I thought everything had to match our stories,” he said, and I felt him smiling. 

“Not even rope?”

He kissed me deeply, our tongues curling, “I might have brought rope.”

We broke apart. 

“We should probably leave the hangar first…” I said. 

I took Ren up to the cockpit and his good mood soured again. 

“Siobhan...this is disgusting…” he said from the entrance, seeing the discarded snack wrappers and beer cans. 

I turned the music down to a more bearable level and began warming up the engines. 

Ren took a few hesitant steps forward. I waved my hand, _pushing_ the two flattened cans off the copilot’s chair to clatter onto the floor. 

He grudgingly took a seat, “Is this all from your supply run?” he asked, looking around at the floorboards.

“Nah, it’s from the past few trips,” I said easily. “Now, you said you wanted to pilot this bird, let me show you the controls.”

I showed him how to do the engine checks.

We cleared Rosie for take-off and left the hangar.The storm was still raging outside. 

“You managed to get this ship, transmitting a Resistance signal, through our security patrols?” Ren said, as I took her up through atmosphere, “You might be a better pilot than I thought.”

I grinned, “Want to cook up the hyperspace coordinates?” I said. 

Ren began to work on the console. He was fast, calculating everything by the time we reached open space. 

“I don’t think I’ve had to manually add fuel to a hyperdrive since the Falcon,” Ren said, looking around at my controls, a frown tugging at his mouth. 

“The Millennium Falcon?” I asked, not expecting to hear its name so casually. 

“Yeah, I spent a lot of time on that ship growing up,” he said, not understanding my reaction. 

“That ship is a fucking legend,” I said, “My old boss in the Smuggler’s Alliance, he told me every story he had about working with Han on the Falcon, at least a thousand times.”

Ren gave me a look, clearly not wanting to talk about it anymore. 

I shrugged, “Well, then you know what to do.”

He put his hand on the lever and pushed it forward. The stars stretched out in front of us as we entered hyperspace. 

The freedom fighters on Otomok thought we were coming to answer their prayers. 

They didn’t stand a chance.

**III**

I leaned back in the captain’s chair, folding my arms behind my head, and looked over to Ren. 

“So, we have twelve hours, what do you do on long hyperspace flights?” 

He looked at me with a superior expression on his face, “I train and prepare for the mission. What do you do?”

“Oh come on!” I shot back with a grin, “You and your Knights aren’t playing Dejarik and card flip?”

“No, Siobhan.”

“Well it’s a good thing I’m the mission commander,” I said, getting to my feet, “I’ll teach you how to have some fun.”

“I’m not going to just drink for the next twelve hours…” Ren said, following me into the hallway, “I need to store a few things I brought. I figured you’d have a place I could hide them.”

“What did you bring?” I asked, my brows drawing together. 

Ren didn’t answer me, he just walked the handful of steps to his quarters and began unzipping his kit bag. 

In the dim light, I saw him take out his mask and set it on the bed. 

“Oh, for fucks sake!” I said, anger surging through me. 

He had brought everything, his mask, a set of robes, and his lightsaber. 

“I’m not going to meet with Commander Watts looking like I’ve been living in the mountains for a week,” Ren said, unconsciously rubbing at the dark stubble on his chin. 

“The guerillas are going to search the ship, with or without our knowledge. If they find any of this shit, we will be completely fucked.”

“Are you going to turn us around?” Ren sneered. 

I folded my arms over my chest, jaw clenching. 

And I had thought we were just going to fuck and nap our way through the trip. 

“I have two lightsabers. I was going to give you one of mine,” I growled, “Everyone knows what yours looks like.”

“Just tell me where I can hide them,” Ren said. 

I sighed, lips pressing together, “The ceiling panel in the water closet,” I finally said, “You should hide them in the main pipe up there. I’ll get my toolkit.”

I walked to the cargo bay, my boots heavy on the floors, fists clenched. 

That fucking asshole. 

When I returned, Ren was inside the water closet, standing on top of the small metal toilet. His head and shoulders were partway through the ceiling tile. He was much bigger and taller than I was. He didn’t fit as easily in the space.

I dropped the toolkit on the floor outside. It made a loud, jangly, metal sound.

“There you go. Have fun.”

The pipe inside the ceiling led to the water tank. You had to have tools to take it apart, so it should keep the freedom fighters from accessing it, unless they got real ambitious. I hoped that Ren’s things would get soaked and ruined while we were on the mission. 

Ren climbed down and unlatched the toolbox, selecting a couple of wrenches and picking up the shop light. 

I turned to leave the room, but I heard Ren talking. His voice was muffled. 

I had no idea if he even knew how to use the tools he had picked up. It didn’t seem likely that plumbing had been part of his training. I walked over to see if he was asking a question.

“What?” I asked, my tone sharp, making sure he knew that I didn’t want to talk. 

Ren crouched, his head coming down from the ceiling tile.

“How long have you been a smuggler?” he asked. 

I stared at him, eyebrows knitting together, “I round it up to ten years,” I said. 

Ren nodded and straightened his legs, disappearing inside the panel, shoulders tilting awkwardly as he fit his arms inside. 

“Was your father a smuggler?” he asked, his low voice echoing in the cramped space. 

I sighed, “If he was, I never knew about it,” I said projecting my voice. 

Inside the panel, I heard clanking, metallic noises as Ren separated the pipe. 

He climbed down and walked towards the bunk to gather up his uniform. 

I straightened up and headed for the doorway. He had it from here. I’d probably go back and check his work before we arrived, but this would be good enough for now. 

“I appreciate what you did in training, during our sparring practice,” he said. I turned around. He had his clothes and mask bundled under an arm. I looked at him, waiting to see if he had anything else to say. “In the moment, I didn’t see that you were trying to be kind.”

“It took you long enough,” I said, with a testy expression on my face. It wasn’t that easy to win me over. 

Ren smiled suddenly, lines appearing around his mouth. He climbed up again. 

I stayed in the room. 

“Ymir hasn’t fucked with me like that since Korriban,” I said, talking loudly so Ren could hear me through the ceiling. 

The memory of our conversation, when he asked to see the marks on my back, flashed in my mind. 

I had never felt so exposed in front of a man before. I always knew when men wanted me, but this was different. Ymir’s gaze had been so detached. He was thinking about me, appraising me, and I didn’t know what he had decided. 

“He wasn’t fucking with us,” Ren said, his voice muffled. 

“Well then what would you call it?” I shot back. 

I heard him pushing the items into the pipe, the metal on metal sound as he fit his mask inside. 

“It’s training,” he said firmly, “You’re the only other person that knows what I saw in the grassland. Even Yuri and Adram haven’t seen that memory.”

I recognized the names, they were two of his Knights. I wondered if I’d ever meet them. 

Ren was fitting the pipe back into place, not needing any help from me. 

“Do you know what Ymir sees when he’s out there?” I asked. 

“Yes,” Ren said, crouching again, the shoplight and wrenches in hand, “He saw his wife, and a daughter that was never born.” He put the tools back in the kit and closed the lid. “I don’t understand why you or Lord Ymir didn’t tell me that you killed the creature in the grassland.”

When he looked up at me, his expression was serious, brows coming together. 

I shrugged, “I was basically feral at that point. It wasn’t a good memory.”

That wasn’t the complete truth. There was a nasty, snarling pride in it, but I had lost something that day. I had given up the story that I was avenging my father’s murder. 

Ren was looking at me, that familiar dark expression on his face. I walked past him, headed for the door again, but he reached for my arm, his hand firm. 

I turned. 

“You’re still not telling me everything,” he said, and I felt him _reach_ for me, but I was too deeply cloaked, “Maybe one day you will.”

“Maybe. One day.”

I couldn’t imagine ever being close enough to Ren to tell him the full story. Ahobri was the only person I trusted enough, but how could she ever understand that experience, what it meant?

Ren pulled me close to him, kissing me. My lips parting, my body responding to his touch. 

I needed to feel another person. I needed closeness. Everything had become so dark and strange. I was still reeling from that interaction with Ymir, and Snoke’s veiled comments at his palace. 

I needed something that I understood. 

Ren’s tongue was sliding along mine, his hands firmly gripping my hips. I could feel his cock pressing against me, heat between my legs. 

This made sense. 

He began pulling off my clothes, dropping them on the floor. 

We fucked in the narrow bunk, on top of the thin sheets and lumpy mattress. I was used to fucking in whatever space would give me and my partner a few minutes of privacy. 

Ren was a large man, over two meters tall, and he did not fit well in the cramped space. 

I laughed as he rearranged me in the bunk. He responded by fucking me harder and my laughter turned to shouts and moans.

He pushed my legs backwards, his hands on my thighs, weight on top of me. 

I loved the way his cock filled me, his rough motions, the way he took control of my body. 

He orgasmed first, pounding me from behind, one hand on my throat, the other digging into my hip. 

Afterwards we lay side by side in the bunk, both of us catching our breath. Ren’s feet dangled over the edge and his back was pressed against the cold metal wall. 

“I’m never doing a mission in this ship again,” he teased. When he kissed my neck I felt teeth. 

“She has character!” I argued. 

Ren’s arms were wrapping tight around me and I felt his fingers tickling my belly and my sides. 

“No!” I shrieked playfully, kicking and wriggling in his grasp.

He flipped me onto my back, sitting on top of my hips, pinning me down. 

Ren had at least thirty kilograms on me. I could get him off of me if I wanted to, but I liked his heaviness. 

He stopped tickling me and began tracing soft patterns across my skin with his fingertips. My heart and breathing slowed. 

The bruises and marks he had left on my front were healing. The ones on my breasts were now fainter shades of purple, a mottled, greenish-yellow at the edges - growing uglier as they faded. 

He began to play, pulling at the barbells, watching my nipples stiffen. Soon I was gasping under his touch. 

Ren used his hands on me, filling me with his fingers, rubbing my clit. I was calling his name as I orgasmed, legs trembling, squeezing him. 

We dozed in the bunk, spooning side by side, Ren’s legs curled up next to mine to keep his feet on the bed. 

***

I drifted in the space halfway between thinking and sleeping. 

Ren had his arms around me. In the narrow bunk, I could feel his chest rising and falling with each breath. 

I knew he wasn’t asleep, either. We both lay peacefully together. 

“The Light meant something to you,” I said, my voice soft as I stared ahead into the dim cabin, “You talked to me about it before. You said you trusted Luke. How did Ymir do it? How did he bring you over?”

I could be starting another meltdown, but it felt like the right time to ask. Both Ymir and Snoke talked about Ren like he was just a pawn, a powerful Force user with the right pedigree. But I felt the way he trusted Ymir. He looked up to him like a father. 

Behind me, Ren shifted as he thought. 

He was silent for a very long time and I kept my mouth shut, waiting for his answer. 

“It took him a few years…” Ren finally said, his voice distant, “He could feel that Luke was bringing together Force-users for his Academy, and he knew that Leia had a son. It started out as whispers. I could hear his voice in my mind.”

Ren was _reaching_ for me and I felt impressions, moments. 

In my mind’s eye, I felt Ymir’s power. It was so similar to what I felt when I first crossed paths with him so long ago. 

Ren continued talking, sharing snippets and flashes of memory as he told me the story, “The Darkside is like a magnet. It has a pull to it. The Jedi teach non-attachment, accepting the presence of the dark without succumbing to it. We are supposed to be conduits for the Force, allowing the power to flow through us like a river on its path.”

I could feel it. I saw Luke in his robes. I felt his energy, the calmness, the containment. 

“I never understood why we would have this power and not be able to use it. When I asked Luke about it, he always deflected. He never answered my questions. But Lord Ymir did.”

Ymir’s voice was low, beckoning.

> Power is your birthright. I served under Vader in the war. I can feel the same strength in you.

There are images. I see Vader’s infamous, black helmet. I see the two Death Stars. I see the might of the Empire.

“Because the Darkside was forbidden, it only made it more interesting. Ymir was open with me in a way that Luke never was. He talked to me about Vader. No one in my family would.”

I thought about Ren’s dramatic speech in his room a few nights ago. I had been so upset at his arrogance, acting like he was the only one that had ever experienced doubt and pain, but it started to make more sense. 

My father was a farmer, my mother was from a middling family in the Inner Rim. No one in my family had been responsible for a Galactic war.

“I began practicing with some of the other apprentices, Adram and Yuri. Luke sensed what was going on, but all he did was lecture and punish me. I didn’t stop, and one night I woke up to him standing over me with his lightsaber armed…”

> I feel his fear and anger before I see him. 
> 
> My mind is clouded with sleep, but when I see that green blade overhead, the world comes into focus. 
> 
> Luke’s face is twisting. 
> 
> My lightsaber is in my hand and I am summoning all the power I can. 
> 
> The Darkside is there for me, and I am not afraid to fight.

“Non-attachment is a lie,” Ren said with bitterness in his voice, “Luke preached it day and night with his little group of followers, and still his fear got the best of him. He didn’t want to see another Vader rise in the Skywalker line, and he was ready to do anything to prevent it.” 

I rolled onto my side until I was facing him. I brought a hand to his cheek, feeling stubble against my fingertips. 

“That must have been terrifying,” I said, meeting his eyes. 

Ren acted like he was carrying a burden no one could understand, but our lives weren’t so different. 

If he knew I understood him, that I heard him, hopefully it would help him keep his emotions in check for this mission. 

“The moment I saw Ymir, I understood the darkness in my heart,” I said, “My mother never talked to me about that night. I didn’t know what to do, so I started getting into fights. I was coming home with bruises on my face and blood on my hands. I scared them. They didn’t know what to do about me, and so I slipped away.”

There were quiet tears in Ren’s eyes. He drew me to him. We kissed, our naked bodies close together under the sheets. 

**III**

We stayed in the bunk while the moment washed through us. 

The bed wasn’t comfortable and the room wasn’t that nice. Eventually it was time for other things. 

I pulled my clothes back on. Ren looked through the small collection of shirts, jackets, and pants I had bought for him.

“You really outdid yourself,” he said, finding a hole near the bottom hem of a shirt. 

“We’re going to blend right in,” I replied, pulling on my socks, “Remember how Pax looked?”

Ren gave me a wry look, mouth twisting down. Pax’s clothes were just one step up from rags. 

I moved to the cargo bay. We still had nine hours until Otomok. 

Ren took a meal tray from the cooling cabinet and I opened a beer. 

“Siobhan, is this what you’re doing for every mission?” he asked. 

“Pretty much,” I shrugged, drinking deeply. 

“This is the time we should be training,” he said, exasperation creeping into his voice. 

“Okay, let’s practice our backstories, then,” I said, taking a seat at the table. 

The heating cabinet beeped and Ren brought his food and utensil over.

“Captain Gos, how did we first meet?” I asked with a smile, my eyes glimmering. 

“We met in officer training,” Ren said, “You were always late, and I sat near the door. You asked to catch up on my lecture notes.”

I was grinning. It was the story of how I met Tillisk.

We spent some time on our stories and reviewing our plans. 

Ren had talked with Watts, ordering him to keep several battalions at the ready for our signal.

We had been given a code to transmit to Watts, if we were using the freedom fighter’s short throw radios. I memorized it as we practiced our stories. 

When I went to nap, Ren was doing physical training in the cargo bay, sweat dripping off him as he did pushups on the metal floors. 

Sometime later he joined me in my cramped bunk. I groaned and wriggled around as he took up most of the space.

***

My alarm went off an hour before our arrival on Otomok. 

I shuffled to the kitchen and made two mugs of caffeine and grabbed a snack. It was time to wake up. It was time to be alert.

When I returned to my room, Ren was showering in my water closet. 

I began to make final preparations. 

First came my clothes. I put on my utility pants, the olive jacket with the fur collar, my belt and thigh holster. 

My lightsabers would be tucked away in their sealed canisters. 

It was a risk, but if we were backed into a corner, I was certain I could convince them we were Jedi. It was just as implausible that two Sith were coming down to take out their little operation. 

I grabbed a blaster from the cargo bay and stuck it in the holster. I packed my kit bag, long-range blaster, and bandolier on the back of a speeder. 

With everything ready, I made my way to the cockpit. 

It was different. 

The beer cans and snack wrappers were gone. 

A few minutes later, Ren joined me, dropping his kitbag next to the copilot’s chair. 

He looked good. His hair hung damp around his shoulders. He was wearing the clothes I had bought, a simple shirt and jacket in faded blues and grays.

“Did you clean in here while I was sleeping?” I asked. 

Ren frowned, “I don’t think I’ve never needed to do that before. You keep talking about these people searching our ship, so what are they going to think when they come in here and the floors are covered in beer cans?”

I shrugged. He had a point. 

“I’m piloting, remember?” he added. 

We switched seats, and I walked Ren through the controls. I pulled up the map of security patrol routes. 

“I’m going to delete this from the console as soon as we’re down. We won’t need it on the way back.”

Silence settled over us. We had ten minutes until we left hyperspace. 

Ren was studying the controls and the map, his expression intense as he focused. 

My thoughts were wandering. 

These people didn’t stand a chance. They thought help was on the way, but instead, they had two Sith coming to take them apart from the inside. 

I knew what it felt like. The Finalizer had been on top of the Vangelis just minutes after we left hyperspace. Suddenly, a routine supply delivery descended into chaos. We tried our best to keep the ship running. From deep in the engine room, it was impossible to know what was happening outside. 

I remembered those moments where the ship had broken apart around me. What stood out the most was the strange calm I felt as the metal began to shear, leaving us open to the sky. My shipmates’ screams were absorbed by the sound of the wind rushing past us as we fell. 

Now I was the one bringing death. 

“The Darkside is always hungry, it always needs more,” I said, looking out at hyperspace swirling outside the cockpit windows, “These people are already dead. They just don’t know it yet.”

Ren turned to me, a wicked look on his face. 

“The Darkside is power,” he said, eyes glittering, “It rewards your strength and the sacrifices you make.”

As I looked at Ren, I thought about the students he killed at Luke’s Academy. I had heard their screams in his memory. Ymir said that it was how Ren had chosen to show allegiance to the Darkside. 

I met his eyes. We were going to do this, together. 

**IV**

We popped out of hyperspace, Otomok was gray and cloud-swept. 

Ren began to take us down. My hands were running over the console and switches, activating my Resistance signature and secondary comms. 

I scanned through the frequencies, heading for the freedom fighter’s channel. 

“Brennan, it’s Mara with the Resistance. I’m coming in with weapons and backup, over,” I said, leaning over the console. 

“Mara, this is Brennan. We read you loud and clear,” he replied. His voice was cut with static, but I could still hear his joy, “Are you ready for coordinates? Over.”

“Ready when you are, over.”

“Transmitting them now. I look forward to seeing you on the ground, Mara.”

“Thanks Brennan,” I replied. I punched the coordinates into the console. 

Ren glanced over at me as I shut off the comms, “You’re a natural.”

I grinned and spat. 

Ren was an incredible pilot. He pushed Rosie down through the atmosphere at a screaming pace. He was laser-focused, hands moving across the ships controls like he had been flying her for years. We had the security patrol map running, and both of us had our awareness extended. 

As we leveled off at the surface, my stomach pressed against my backbone. I found myself grinning. 

Ren’s expression didn’t change, his face was serious, brows knitted in concentration. He used Rebel tactics, hugging the mountains and the sides of ridges. It made it harder for TIE fighters to pick us up on their scanners. 

It had taken every ounce of my skill as a pilot to get myself to the rendezvous point the first time. I was relying on the Force, watching the patrol map for any signs of trouble, navigating the uneven terrain. He made it look easy.

We stuck tight to the mountains, weaving in and out of narrow canyons and crumbling stone. Ren didn’t break a sweat.

Our rendezvous point was about fifty kilometers west from where we had met last time. The mountains were a jumble, craggy stone butting up unevenly. I watched rockfalls tumbling down at regular intervals. 

The map guided us into a cave, darkness enveloping us. We kept Rosie’s lights off. 

A hundred meters in, we spotted a man on a speeder holding up a light. His face was covered with tattered fabric and a pair of goggles.

“This should be us,” I said. 

We followed the man deeper into the cave and he made the signal for us to land. 

I deleted the security patrol information from my console. 

Ren brought Rosie down. I felt her landing gear settle in. 

I looked across the dark cockpit at Ren, the only lights coming from the dashboard. 

“It’s showtime,” I said with a wicked grin. 

This was it. For the next few days we’d be Resistance soldiers, aiding a group of freedom fighters. 

I slid out of my seat and moved swiftly to the cargo bay, lowering the ramp with a press of a button. 

“Hey!” I called out from the top of the ramp, making my way out of the ship. 

There were five men on speeders waiting for me. 

I recognized Pax, the tallest in the group. He climbed out of his saddle, striding towards me.

“Mara, it’s so good to see you,” he said. I could see the relief on his expression. His eyes were bright. It distracted from the gauntness of his cheeks, the ragged clothes hanging from his narrow frame. “Were you spotted on the way?” he asked. 

I shook my head, “No one knows we’re here.”

Behind me, there were footsteps on the ramp as Ren walked to my side. 

“This is Captain Kayden Gos,” I introduced, “He’s my partner for this mission.”

The two men shook hands, “Captain Gos, I’m Pax Chakrei.”

“Please, call me Kay,” Ren said. 

Pax was slightly taller than Ren, but he was far skinnier. He introduced us to the rest of the men. 

The one who had guided us into the cave was Gav Menuk. He pulled down his goggles and facemask, revealing an unkempt beard and a wide smile. He shook my hand firmly, hope in his eyes. 

There was an Arak, with brown-and-tan plumage and a no-nonsense demeanor. He introduced himself as Rail Hennis. 

Next to Rail was a Twi’lek named Eekeb Yon. He was pale and sickly looking, bundled up in ragged clothes. His hand felt small and bony in mine. 

The last member of the group was an old man. He had a large, wiry beard, stained yellow around his mouth, and a large mane of hair around his shoulders, matted with dreadlocks. He was a Rebel old-timer and greeted us with a “May the Force be with you,” searching our faces with his rheumy eyes. 

We returned the greeting and shook his hand. 

“This is Deacon,” Pax introduced, “He helped set up our distress signal.”

“I’m so glad we found you,” I said with a confident nod, “We have the supplies on board.” 

“We’ll get them loaded on our speeders,” Rail said. 

“We don’t have space to hide a ship on our base,” Pax clarified, “She’ll be safe in this cave.”

I figured this would just be the rendezvous point, but I didn’t expect to leave my ship somewhere in the mountains. 

“I don’t like the idea of leaving Rosie behind,” I said, letting Pax see my concern. 

“She’s safe here,” he assured me, “There are thousands of caves just like this one, the First Order won’t be able to find her.”

I looked at him for a moment, making up my mind, “All right,” I said, “We brought our own speeders. It’s a tight fit in the cargo bay, so we can move them out and start unloading.”

Pax followed Ren and I up the ramp into the ship. They took the speeders outside while I opened up the floorboards. 

The rest of the men joined us and we began hauling out the munitions crates. Ren was down in the secret hold, helping them lift out the heavy power generators. I unlocked the crates so the group could take a peek. 

Rail immediately took a blaster for himself, hooking it onto his belt. 

“Anything new happen while I was away?” I asked, as we loaded the crates and power generators onto their three cargo speeders. 

Pax shook his head. 

Deacon decided to step in. Hs voice was gruff and phlemgy, words slurring together at the ends, “It’s been the same since our attack on the ore shipment. The First Order’s increased their security patrols, breathing down our necks.”

“I’d be interested in seeing any intelligence you have on them,” I said, all business, “Do you have maps on their patrol routes?”

“We don’t have the capacity for formal intelligence on them, but we can tell you what we know,” Gav replied. 

Soon, we had everything packed on the speeders. 

Ren was fitting in well. His serious, quiet demeanor was a good match for this group. 

Pax put a hand on my shoulder, “We’re grateful to have you here,” he said. 

I put my hand over his and looked up, giving him a smile. 

Before we left, I did a final check on our gear, loaded up on my speeder. I had my kit bag, zipped up tight, with the whiskey and t’bac on top. At the bottom the lightsabers were hidden away in their locked canisters. 

I sealed Rosie with a code and returned to my speeder, throwing my leg over the saddle. 

The men had put on their goggles. Some had helmets, some didn’t. 

Pax turned on his headlights and moved forward, leading the way through the tunnels, taking us to their base.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so excited to share the next chapters. Siobhan and Ren are going to face many challenges on this mission. 
> 
> Thanks so much for reading! If you liked it, leave a comment!


	13. Heroes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren and Siobhan have infiltrated a group of guerrilla fighters on the mining colony of Otomok. 
> 
> They are arriving as wolves in sheep's clothing, pretending to be Resistance soldiers on a mission to help liberate them. 
> 
> Kylo Ren is staring his demons in the face, acting like the Rebel fighter he was supposed to be. Will he be able to keep up the act?
> 
> We'll see how far Siobhan will go to carve out a place for herself in the new Sith Order.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting into it now. 
> 
> As an agent of the First Order, Siobhan isn't just going to be fighting pirates and dressing up for fancy parties.

**I**

I followed Pax and his group of freedom fighters through narrow, pitch-black, mountain tunnels to their base. 

We travelled for almost an hour in near silence - our headlights bouncing and flashing in the darkness.

Ren stayed near the front with Pax and Rail, easily navigating terrain. 

I was near the back with Gav and the sickly Twi’lek, Eekeb, relying on my awareness to get me through the sharp turns and uneven rocks. From this place of connection, I could feel the mountain slowly moving around me. It was like a living thing, growing, surging. The plates beneath us were constantly shifting. Molten rock moved through cracks in the surface, creating new earth. 

Eventually, I felt us moving upwards, the tunnels becoming wider and light beginning to stain our horizon. 

We shot out from a great rift in the mountainside, hugging the wall of rock. Beneath us was a narrow, gravelly ridge and a steep dropoff into a valley. 

“Keep your blaster at the ready,” Eekeb warned, projecting his voice over our engines, “There’s been more probes and patrols out here.”

I nodded and reached a hand down to my thigh to flick the blaster’s safety off.

Above us, the sky was gray. We flew into a fierce, cold headwind. Otomok was an unforgiving planet, mostly rocks and wind. 

Still, I began to see signs of life. 

There were clumps of tough, little grasses with brilliant purple flowers, nestled between rocks and crevices. I spotted large birds with hooked beaks and long legs, slowly flapping through the valley, their wingspans catching the drafts and currents in the air. Occasionally, there was a small mammal that skittered across the rocks. All I saw was a flash of blue fur and the impression of big ears and massive eyes. 

As we approached the base, the sound of rushing water grew louder below us in the valley. 

I could feel sentries tucked away in the mountainside, guarding the path. At the head of our group, I heard Pax make several specific calls, his hands cupped around his mouth to project his voice. 

So far, this had been a relatively familiar experience. I had been on smuggling runs that went like this. Travelling to an unfamiliar place with a group of people I didn’t know. 

I kept calm, but I stayed alert, taking in as much information as I could. This shouldn’t be difficult. These people wanted us here. We were being welcomed in. 

All we had to do was meet their expectations. 

I kept an eye on Ren, close to Pax and Rail at the front. He just needed to play along and stick to his story for a couple of days. 

We began to lose elevation as we left the ridge and descended into the valley. Here there was more vegetation - gnarled little trees, branches covered in spiky leaves, thorn bushes with dry flowers in white and yellow. 

Beneath us, the sounds of the river grew louder as we followed a rough path. I couldn’t see it through the thick blanket trees and giant rocks covering the slope. 

I began to see people farther down the path. We had reached the base. 

Ahead of us was a large cave mouth. People were moving to and from the entrance. I saw several different species. Everyone wore the same kind of ragged clothing. I thought I spotted one of the Resistance jackets I had delivered on my last supply run. 

As we slowed down, I made my way up to the front. Pax made the signal for us to dismount. Gav, Rail, and Deacon continued forward with their cargo speeders. Eekeb paused, his speeder idling, and looked to Pax. 

“You can tell Flip we’re back,” Pax said, pushing his goggles up his forehead. He turned to me and Ren, “Welcome to Base One.”

I unclipped my helmet, dropped it on the seat of my speeder, and pulled my goggles down around my neck. 

Ren hadn’t worn a helmet or goggles. He pushed his hair back from his face. 

We walked our speeders to the cave entrance. 

Now that we were on the ground, I was taking in the smells and sounds of the camp. Smoke and cooking scents drifted by on the wind. 

Pax began to orient us, “The chow tent is that way,” he pointed down the path, where it curved around the side of the mountain, “The latrines are also around that corner, past the chow tent. They’re easy to find,” he added with a wry smile.

People were looking at us. They didn’t see new faces every day. 

I noticed many different species, a couple of Wookies, another Ayrack with bright magenta plumage, a few Gran and Duros. 

Everyone was tired and thin, worn down by the fearful, desperate days. 

“I told our people we would have visitors soon,” Pax said, “They know you’re with the Resistance, and that you’re here to help, but I didn’t make any promises on your behalf.”

Behind me, Ren had slung his kitbag and long-range blaster over his shoulder. He stood out with his pale skin and broad shoulders, solid and healthy. I liked his strong, silent-type act.

An Ardennian was approaching us. He was just over a meter tall, with short bow legs. He walked with a slow, uneven gait on the flat gravel path. His species was made for the trees, with four long arms to swing from branches. He could easily outrace me up a mountainside. 

“So these are the new arrivals!” he called out, raising a hand in greeting. 

Pax was smiling, the first one I had ever seen from him. Lines appeared around his mouth and eyes. His teeth were stained yellow from t’bac. 

“This is Flip Servo,” Pax introduced. 

“Captain Kayden Gos,” Ren said, his hand swallowing the little Ardennian’s, “Call me Kay.”

“I’m Captain Mara Zhang,” I said, shaking his hand next.

“Mara, Brennan’s been looking forward to meeting you,” Flip said. He had a playful light in his eyes, similar to Vin - no matter the situation, life wasn’t so serious. “I have strict orders to take you to him as soon as you arrive.” There was a grin stretching across his snout. 

“I’ve really wanted to meet him too,” I said, smiling in turn, “Show me the way.” 

“Kay, I’ll give you the grand tour. Follow me,” Pax said. 

I met Ren’s eyes for a moment before he went with Pax. 

This was the start of our interrogation. They were being pretty smooth about it, so this move must have been planned in advance. It was a standard tactic - we’d be separated and asked questions, then Pax and Flip could compare our responses afterwards. 

I followed Flip to the cave entrance, guiding my speeder along with me. 

I moved slowly to match the Ardennian’s pace. He looked up my way, a sharp grin on his snout, “Welcome to Otomok,” he said, “I hope you like rocks and tunnels because we’ve got a lot of them.”

“Already feels like home,” I replied, appreciating his sarcastic demeanor. 

After Korriban, this was nothing. At least there was water, and other people. 

Flip took me inside the cave. There was a lot of activity at the entrance. I smelled t’bac smoke and the dank scent of many people living together in close quarters. 

Cable lights hung along the walls. Most were damaged, with sections that were dim or dark. 

I spotted the cargo speeders and parked mine next to them, unloading my kit bag and long-range blaster. 

“I’ll show you where you can put that stuff down after we drop in on Brennan,” Flip said. 

“Sounds good.”

There were several uneven tunnels branching off from this main hallway. Flip took me down one on the right. 

“So what do you do around here?” I asked as we walked through the dim tunnel. 

“Oh, I do what Pax tells me,” Flip replied with a shrug, “Every now and then he lets me blow stuff up.”

I grinned, sensing a kindred spirit in the small Ardennian. “So Pax has been really vague so far. Is he the leader here?” I asked. 

We had to press ourselves against a wall as two men, a Wookie and a Yarkora with a large white snout, came past us by carrying a large metal crate. They made some polite grunting as they squeezed by. 

“Basically,” Flip answered, “We’ll get to talk more. This is the comms room.” We had come to an opening, covered by a dirty, canvas sheet. 

He moved the tarp aside and I stepped into a cramped alcove. 

Inside, was a man sitting on a rock with bulky headphones around his ears. Against the walls was a homemade comms array, constructed from many different models. 

The man stood when we entered, pushing his headphones down around his neck. 

“Mara?” he said, a smile lighting up his face. 

He had to be around my age, with shaggy, black hair, and a wispy beard covering his cheeks. 

“Brennan, it’s so good to finally meet you,” I said, warmly shaking his hand.

“A Resistance fighter in our base,” he said with awe in his voice, “I never thought I’d see the day.” 

A pang ran through my heart, seeing the hope and respect in his eyes. 

“I’m just glad we found your signal,” I said, “I want to know more about the base, about this group.”

“I’m excited to talk with you too.”

“Yeah, Brennan got all this set up,” Flip bragged, “He maintains it almost entirely by himself.”

Brennan made a humble frown, “It was Deacon that set up the distress signal.”

“It was such a relief to hear your voice on that first trip,” I said, “I had been scanning for y’all the next system over and I couldn’t find anything. Then I realized that you probably couldn’t send a strong signal or the First Order would pick up on it.”

“We’ve been bombed several times,” Brennan said with a serious nod. 

“I wasn’t going to give up on you,” I continued, “I knew that you needed help and I was going to establish contact no matter what.”

There were tears in Brennans eye, he quickly wiped them away with the heel of his hand, before they had the chance to fall down his cheeks.

“When he first told us the news, I thought that he had just fallen asleep on the headset and dreamed the whole thing up,” Flip said, two arms on his narrow hips, “It was too much to believe that the Resistance had found us.”

“It made all those hours waiting by the comms worth it,” Brennan said, meeting my eyes. 

My stomach clenched, my heart sped up. 

“I’m glad I found you,” I said, my throat tight. 

They took it for sincerity. 

Flip decided to step in before things became too emotional, “Brennan, do you want me to remind Geshell that he’s taking over your shift for the meeting?”

“That’s probably a good idea,” he said, coming back to himself. 

“Mara, let me show you where you can drop your things off,” Flip said, “We’re having a big meeting with all of our leadership soon.”

“Nice to meet you, Brennan,” I said, and allowed Flip to lead me out of the room. 

The comms room had all the information I needed. Brennan wasn’t just operating a distress signal, he was at the center of all their communications. 

***

We returned to the tunnels and Flip took me back towards the cave entrance. From there we continued down another set of halls on the left. 

The base seemed to be created out of old mining tunnels and natural formations in the rock. There were spots where the halls were even, carved out of the rock by people and machinery. Other spaces were more rugged, the walls and ceilings reinforced with beams and metal spacers. 

“So what base are you stationed at?” he asked. His tone was casual, like he was just making conversation. 

“Dantooine,” I answered.

“Shit, you’re also stuck in the Outer Rim,” he commisserated. 

It was more populated on this side of the base. We passed by several rooms where people were drinking homemade alcohol and playing cards. Next to that were rooms where people were working on weapons. I saw tubs of shrapnel, and I smelled black powder. People were crouched on the floor, cleaning or repairing blasters. Next to that were the barracks. 

They had their weapon manufacturing rooms right beside the spaces where they slept. 

I had stayed in outfits like this before. Everyone was so used to danger and hardship that it eroded common sense.

“So how did you and your partner wind up on this job?” Flip asked, pushing aside another dirty canvas. We walked down a short hallway that opened into a cavern. 

“I signed up for it,” I told Flip, “I was part of the team monitoring First Order comms, and we overheard these two officers talking about a guerilla cell on Otomok. They were bitching about being in trouble, but all I heard was that a group of people destroyed a train and saved over a hundred people in the mines. It sounded like y’all might need some help.”

Flip was making a prideful smile, nodding his head, “I was the one that rigged the explosives for the rockslide. We took out the entire train.”

“You made enough of a mark for us to hear about it off-planet,” I said. 

The cavern was their barracks. There were dozens of mats, sleeping bags, and piles of blankets scattered across the stone floor. A few people were curled up, a few more were lounging around, talking and playing card games. 

“Is this the Resistance?” a Twi’lek woman called out. She had green skin, and her headtails were limp down her back. 

She sat in a group with a human male and a female Gran. 

“This is Captain Zhang, her and her partner just got in,” Flip answered. The woman was watching me, not sure what to think or what to say, too tired to hope. “Put your stuff down anywhere you want. Do you need a sleeping bag or something?” Flip asked. 

I found an open patch of rock and dropped my kitbag, “Nah, I figured I’d need my own,” I said, unzipping the top, “I do need to find a safe place for these things though…”

I pulled out the whiskey and t’bac.

“Girl, you know exactly what we need,” he said, taking the two bottles, “Don’t let Deacon know you brought booze or it’ll be gone before you know it.”

The group of three was looking our way now. 

“Hey, come on over, have a drink,” I invited. 

We cracked open the first bottle and swigged from the neck. 

I had the pouch of t’bac open and rolled a few smokes with quick, practiced motions. The three people went back to their seats with a round of nervous thank-yous. 

“Any rules about weapons in the barracks?” I asked, glancing down at my long-range blaster. 

Flip laughed, “It’s only a problem if you do target practice in your sleep,” he said, “C’mon, I’ll finish giving you the tour.”

I left the long-range blaster with my things. I hadn’t seen Ren’s kit bag. I hoped that everything was going well with him and Pax. 

We returned to the tunnels. Flip stashed the whiskey bottles, then started showing me the rest of the base. 

He kept up his questions while showing me the different rooms and stations. 

He asked me about my role in the Resistance, what my responsibilities were, how I joined up, my experience, and missions. Between those questions he asked me about Kay, his background and experience. 

My answers were simple and straightforward. I was conversational without volunteering too much information or trying to sell a story. 

Their questioning was a solid tactic. The freedom fighters had no way to do an external verification of us, so they were stuck comparing the information we gave them. 

As we talked, I got to see the conditions these people were living in. The caves were drafty. Some of them were damp, with algae growing on the rock walls. Flip showed me their storage rooms, with food and supplies they had stolen from the mines. I spotted one of the pallets with rations from D’Qar. It was already half-empty. I saw more barracks, and began noticing more children and families. 

Flip found Geshell, a teenage Dug, playing cards in one of the rooms. He wore a thin, sleeveless shirt and pants that were mostly patches.

“Geshell, remember, you’re taking over for Brennan later. You better be on time,” Flip said. 

The Dug was preparing to spit, his snout twitching. 

“This is our guest from the Resistance, Captain Zhang,” Flip continued. 

I watched him reign himself in, shaking my hand with his wide, three-toed foot. 

The central tunnel stretching from the main cave led into a network of tunnels deep in the mountains, where they had access to several nearby camps. The tunnel to the right, where Brennan had his comms array, also housed their makeshift infirmary. 

I saw a dozen or so people, all on the ground, suffering from illness or injury. Three people were attending to them. 

“The medicine was an enormous help,” Flip said, growing serious for a moment, “I can’t remember the last time we had something as simple as antibiotics. A lot of people came to us sick, or injured from the escape.”

I nodded, matching his demeanor, “I grew up on Tevel. I know what it’s like to have the First Order standing on your neck.”

**II**

After the tour of tunnels, Flip took me outside. 

The sky was already dark. The temperature had dropped at least ten degrees. 

I drew my arms around myself. 

“Let’s get you some chow,” he said. 

“Sounds good to me,” I said. I hadn’t had a meal today, and my stomach was gurgling. 

Flip knew his way through the camp. I relied on the dim glow, and the smell of food coming around the bend. 

“Our latrines are down that way,” he said, pointing one of his arms into the brush to our left, “Sometimes the wind isn’t in our favor.”

We rounded the corner and the chow tent was ahead of us, just a tarp stretched over a few poles, the stiff fabric rustling in the wind. 

A few people were sitting beneath it. They didn’t even have tables or benches. 

I felt Ren before I saw him. He was calm. It was a huge relief. 

As I got closer I glanced his way and he raised a hand in greeting. He was sitting with Pax and Rail. 

We stopped by them first. Ren had his kitbag and long-range blaster next to him. He was holding a small, metal bowl and utensil. 

“Mara, did Flip get you set up in the barracks?” Pax asked. 

“He did, thanks,” I said. 

“She brought some goodies for us,” Flip said with a wink, “I stored them in your room.”

“Well, I look forward to finding out what that is,” Pax said with a friendly expression. 

“It’s whiskey,” Flip whispered dramatically. 

“I figured I’d bring some t’bac along too,” I said, taking the pouch out of my jacket and passing it to Rail. 

He took it from me and began rolling a smoke with his rough, clawed hands. 

“When’s the meeting?” Flip asked. 

“We should have it soon,” Pax said, glancing out into the darkness beyond the tent, “Kay, Mara, take some time to eat. Flip and I are going to set up, Rail can bring you to us when you’re done.”

They were good. Pax and Flip were going off to compare notes to see if anything had raised red flags. Rail was staying behind to keep an eye on us. 

“Sounds good,” I said, “Flip, thanks for showing me around.”

I wondered if they had a group of people out searching Rosie. The code should keep her locked up tight, but someone determined and experienced could probably crack it. 

I walked to the front of the tent. A ragged, teenage girl with tangled, blonde hair was watching the cookpot. She gave me a surprised look, not used to seeing unfamiliar faces. 

“Are you with the Resistance too?” she asked. 

“Yeah, I’m Captain Mara Zhang,” I told her, offering her my hand. 

She shook it, eyes widening. She quickly took a bowl from a stack and ladled me whatever was in the pot. 

“We’re so glad you’re here,” she said, nervous and excited, looking down, “Your friend, the other one, he’s a Captain too.” I nodded, letting her get her words out. “He’s so tall,” she added. 

I laughed, “You can sit with us if you want.”

“Okay!” she said excitedly. 

I took a seat next to Ren. Rail was smoking and passed me the pouch. I began making my own, got a light from him, then handed the pouch to the girl. 

She talked and smoked while we ate, keeping up enough conversation for two people. Her name was Leeta. Her mother and father were fighters on the base. They had all left the mines a few years ago. She was so glad we were here. She was ready to leave this planet behind. 

The two men were mostly silent. Rail was clearly one of those people that only talked for a specific purpose. My guess is that he only talked about work. 

Ren was quiet, sitting cross legged, his empty bowl sat in his lap. 

I ate my soup. It was mostly water, thickened with some kind of starch, and I found a few pieces of vegetables floating in it. I wished that I had thought to bring rations in my kit bag. 

When I was done, Leeta took our bowls and utensils, giving me a hug before she returned to the cookpot. 

Ren met my eyes. 

“We should go and see if they’re ready to have the meeting,” Rail said, slowly rising on his scaly legs. 

Ren and I followed him inside the cave and made our way to the barracks. 

It was quieter now. A lot of people were in their bunks, catching up, working on housekeeping projects, playing games. 

We made a stop for Ren to put his kitbag and blaster down next to mine. I hoped he hadn’t brought anything that could undermine our mission. 

Rail took us far down the tunnels. Both him and Ren had long legs and I needed to hustle to keep up with them. 

We entered a narrow passage and emerged in a small, uneven hollow in the rock. 

Pax, Flip, and Brennan were there. A couple of lanterns were set up in the center of the space. The men’s shadows were long across the walls. 

“Good timing,” Flip said as we entered. The bottle of whiskey we had opened together was at his side. 

“Mara, Kay, I’d like to prepare you for the meeting,” Pax said. 

Brennan patted the space next to him and I took a seat. Ren sat on the other side of Pax. 

“I appreciate both of you being patient with us,” Pax said, looking between the two of us. 

Ren made a serious nod. 

“Of course,” I said, graciously. 

“I was skeptical when we first met. A few of our men had concerns. Several did not want us to bring you to the base.”

“I would feel the same way,” I said. 

“After spending the afternoon with you, Flip and I are confident of your intentions and know-how,” Pax continued, “We’ll begin the meeting with that announcement. I will expect our men to have some questions, but they should be respectful.”

“They don’t know who we are,” I said, “I won’t be offended.”

“Thanks for being understanding,” Pax said, “Kay told me you’re the commanding officer on this mission.”

“That’s right,” I said. 

“I’d like to make a statement of intent, so that our men can understand what you hope to accomplish while you’re here. You can keep the information simple.”

I began to hear the sound of boots from the entrance tunnel. Men were filing in. 

“Don’t use too many big words with this group,” Flip whispered, nudging my side with an arm. 

Pax made introductions. Ren and I shook a lot of hands. 

I met a Wookie, more Twi’lek, and a couple of Gran. 

I did my best to remember names, repeating them to myself as I looked at the faces in the room. 

Deacon came in last, his feet weaving over the uneven stone, a bottle of some kind of homemade alcohol in his hand. I could smell the fumes from across the circle. 

This place felt like home. Misery and need was hanging over everyone, but there was camaraderie in it. Everyone knew each other and trusted each other, flaws and all.

When we were seated, Pax began the meeting and passed around the bottle of whiskey. 

“I’d like to formally introduce you to Captain Mara Zhang and Captain Kayden Gos, from the Resistance base on Dantooine,” Pax announced. 

The men’s conversations faded to murmurs. I felt everyone’s attention move towards us. 

Pax had the respect of this group. I could hear the wisdom and decisiveness in his voice - it transcended his haggard appearance. 

“I know several of you expressed concerns about their trustworthiness.”

The Wookie made a rumbling bark. 

Pax gave her a look, “Flip and I met with them separately for several hours today, and they answered our questions to our satisfaction. You are welcome to speak with me privately if you have any further concerns. Mara and Kay understand and are willing to cooperate with us.”

I scanned the group, my gaze travelling calmly across the twenty-five faces in the room. Everyone looked tired and malnourished. They were hungry for hope. They were looking for someone to rescue them. 

“Mara, will you please state the purpose of your mission for the group?”

“Yessir,” I answered smartly, “Captain Gos and myself are here to conduct an assessment of your operation and report back to our leadership on Dantooine. From there, we’ll determine what support we can provide to help you.”

“So what do you need from us?” asked one of the Gran, Oolan. 

“We need to understand what you’re up against on the ground,” Ren said, speaking up for the first time. His deep voice was confident and authoritative, “From what I’ve seen today, it’s incredible you’ve survived this long without detection.”

I was impressed. Ren was playing the part. 

“I’d like to see some of the other bases, learn how you’re communicating,” I said, looking towards Brennan. 

“The distress signal was my idea,” Deacon piped up.

The men around him groaned and complained. They had heard it all before. 

We talked as a group, the bottle of whiskey travelling from hand to hand. My pouch of t’bac was being used generously. I noticed the men rolling extras for later, tucking smokes behind their ear or into their shirt pockets. 

A plan came together - tomorrow Ren would go out with the morning security patrols, led by the Wookie, Rurruka. I’d stay behind and meet with Brennan and Pax. In the afternoon, I’d go out on a speeder to Base 4, the closest neighbor. 

With all the decisions made and the bottle of whiskey nearly empty, the group dispersed. 

“Let’s finish this,” I said, turning to Pax and swishing around the last of the amber liquid. 

Ren and Flip were the only other people in the room. 

“That sounds good to me,” Pax said, rising to his feet with a heavy sigh. 

The four of us headed outside. Pax had a lantern in his hand. Flip led the way around the chow tent. Everything was dark by now. I could hear the tarp flapping in the wind. 

I smelled smoke in the air and heard muffled voices beyond. 

“What’s out there?” I asked, squinting into the distance. 

“We have a few folks that sleep outside the caves,” Flip answered, “I don’t like it, but Pax lets them do it anyways.”

“I’m not going to take away the last choices our people have available. If people want to sleep out under the stars I won’t stop them,” Pax said. 

His words had the sound of a tired old argument. They would just keep going around in circles. 

“Isn’t that a security risk?” Ren asked. 

“That’s what I’m saying,” Flip replied. 

We made our way down a wooded path to a big log with spots worn smooth from people sitting on it. 

The bottle passed from hand to hand. I watched Ren take it, but he was pretending to drink. 

I was feeling loose and warm. I brought out the pouch of tobacco, rolling smokes for everyone. Ren declined. 

“So Pax, Flip, y’all got to question us earlier. Now I was hoping you could tell us about yourselves,” I said with a grin as Flip lit the end of my smoke. 

“Don’t believe a word Pax says, he likes to brag,” Flip said. 

“I’m curious how you wound up with this group. How long have y’all been doing this?” I asked. 

“I was one of the founders,” Pax said. 

“See what I mean,” Flip said, putting an arm around Pax’s shoulders. 

Pax fought a smile as he continued, “I was a union leader here when Donnal Extraction was just a company, not an arm of the First Order.”

I thought about Ekene. He had become such a dear friend over this past cycle, but he was far removed from the realities of the Galaxy. 

“Y’know, union bosses get a lot of shit, but you’re tough bastards, I’ll give you that,” I said, passing him the bottle. 

Pax laughed, “I’m glad you think so. Six years ago, I would have never imagined being where I am today, but I couldn’t stand seeing our people turned into slaves. I gathered a group of men, we made our escape, and we’ve been fighting back ever since.”

“He recruited me as a spy,” Flip said, “No one suspected anything for a long time, but my foreman finally caught me sneaking supplies out. I’ve been here for two years now.” 

I would need to have a conversation with Flip and learn more about their spy network.

“When did you start using the distress signal?” Ren asked. 

His serious, thoughtful demeanor came across as sincere. It really was working. 

“From the very beginning,” Pax said, “The hardest part was having something the First Order couldn’t detect. If they find a signal, they track it and bomb us. No exceptions.”

“I hear that,” I said. 

Hux was such an idiot. He could have lured them out, but instead he sent them farther underground. 

We finished the bottle and our smokes, then returned to the cave for some shut-eye. 

The tunnels were quieter now, the base settling into its nightly rhythms. 

A few of the rooms we passed were alive with drunken laughter and conversation, but most of the spaces were quiet. 

My head was swimming with alcohol, feet gliding over the uneven tunnel floors. 

Flip pointed out the barracks room we were set up in, and continued down the hall with Pax. 

“Home, sweet home,” I murmured to Ren as we entered. 

There were many people inside - maybe sixty or seventy, total. Most were curled up on their mats and sleeping bags. A few lanterns were shining, hosting quiet card games and whispered conversations. 

We picked our way through the room to our sleeping bags. 

It was colder and draftier at night. I kept on most of my clothes, only removing my jacket and boots. 

Ren was unpacking, laying out his sleeping bag next to mine. I felt him _reaching_ for me.

> They believe us.

His voice was low, echoing in my mind.

> We should have everything we need by tomorrow night.

My voice was looser, the alcohol made my thoughts fuzzy. 

We climbed into our sleeping bags, scooting close together. The hard floors pressed back against our weight. 

Ren was not drunk, and he began sharing his impressions of the base with me. 

We could start our attack this time tomorrow night. 

In the shared space of the Force, we thought about the structure of the base.

> You’ll see their security patrols. You could take the outside, while I handle the inside. 

I said.

> We’ll need to close off the tunnels. Can you do that?

Ren replied. 

He was curled against me, both of us wrapped in our separate sleeping bags. He had a hand out, running down my side. 

I shared with him the sensations I felt as I navigated through the tunnels on my speeder. I could feel the rhythms of the planet, the movement of the stones. I knew I’d be able to close the tunnels. 

Ren made an approving growl and kissed the back of my head. 

He tried to make more plans, but my mind was drifting. I was drunk and tired. I couldn’t keep up my concentration. 

Despite my exhaustion, sleep stayed just beyond my reach. 

Both of us spent time trying to find a comfortable spot on the hard stone floor. We rolled around, positioning and repositioning ourselves. There was a consistent level of activity in the room. People were in small groups having quiet conversations. Lanterns clicked off and on as people entered and began setting up for bed while others went to sleep. 

My mind hovered on that infuriating edge of sleep and waking. I’d catch myself dreaming, then realize that I wasn’t asleep, roll to a different side, and try again. 

It was a fucking event when Deacon entered the room. 

He came in drunkenly, singing at the top of his lungs, tripping over people and their things. A chorus of curses and groans marked his path. Everyone seemed used to it.

I woke up, grimacing to myself and rolling over for the thousandth time. Next to me, Ren sat up, muttering curses under his breath, looking around the room to see what was happening. 

Eventually things quieted down as Deacon got himself into his sleeping space. 

I had almost made it back to sleep when there was another eruption. 

I heard Deacon howling and sobbing. There were more angry murmurs and curses hurled at the old man. 

Next to me Ren was grumbling, I could feel genuine anger rising in him. I reached an arm behind me, landing somewhere on his shoulder.

> He’s just an old man with night terrors. He can’t help it.

I knew his type, the gray-haired men and women that kept a bottle in their hand all day, their pain coming out as they tried to sleep. 

Someone went to Deacon’s side, talking to him in quiet tones. 

I rolled to one shoulder, then the other, willing myself to sleep. 

**III**

I woke suddenly to a firm hand on my shoulder. 

Thinking it was Deacon, I grabbed the wrist, twisting it to bring the man down. 

“God-damn girl!” came Pax’s voice, pained and urgent. 

“Shit!” I hissed, letting go immediately. 

Ren was moving in his sleeping bag. 

“There’s been an attack on Base Four,” Pax said, “I need you and Kay on your speeders right now.”

Ren was sitting up, rubbing at his eyes. 

I was leaping into action, pulling on my jacket, lacing up my boots, and securing my thigh holster. 

Pax had moved across the room, and I heard a man talking to him in the darkness, “Don’t bother with Deacon. He came in stone drunk not even two hours ago.”

Ren and I were on our feet, and we followed Pax into the main tunnels.

He pointed us to the cave entrance, while he dipped into other rooms to wake up more fighters. 

Rail, Gav, Eekeb, Rurruka, and Flip were gathered at the speeders. 

“Kay, help me with one of the munitions crates,” Rail said, putting a brotherly claw on his shoulder. 

I watched a split second of confusion cross Ren’s face at the unfamiliar name. Then he nodded, following Rail down the tunnel ahead of us. 

“What happened?” I asked, looking to the other men. 

“We don’t have a lot of details,” Flip said, “Brennan got word that Base Four was under attack. That was ten minutes ago. Their tunnels connect directly to us.”

“Shit,” I spat. 

The Wookie made a growling snarl in agreement. 

“That’s right,” Gav said, “We’re going to help them however we can, but we have to make sure the First Order doesn’t find us.”

Eekeb patted my back, a smile lighting up his gaunt face, “And you thought you’d just be gathering intelligence.”

“Taking out stormtroopers before breakfast, my kind of day,” I grinned with fire in my eyes. 

Ren and Rail were hustling towards us with a munitions crate. 

The men who didn’t have weapons picked up blasters. Flip began preparing a bandolier with grenades and loaded up his speeder with thermal detonators. 

Pax returned to the cave entrance with five more fighters. 

We had a thirteen person war party. 

“Soldiers!” Pax announced, and our group quieted down. 

Ren came to my side with one blaster on his belt and the long-range blaster slung around his back. 

“The First Order began an attack on Base Four fifteen minutes ago. Lars reported one ship. That may have changed by the time we arrive,” Pax paused, “I don’t have high hopes for saving the base. Our main objective will be to keep our people from falling into the hands of the First Order. We can’t allow anyone from the base to be brought in for interrogation. No one will be taken captive. We’ll close off the tunnels so they can’t get to us.”

“Ae-rah!” the fighters called out. 

The air felt electric around us. 

Pax climbed onto his speeder, strapped on his helmet, and our posse moved out. 

We pushed hard on the speeders, not a second to waste. Our headlights made wild, bouncing shadows across the tunnel walls. 

This was going to be interesting. 

It would be my first time in a combat situation with Ren. He would be up against his own troops, armed with two blasters instead of his lightsaber. 

I _reached_ out to him, trying to get a sense of his mood. He felt me, and there was excitement surging in his chest. 

Ren was in his element, staying near the front of the group, right behind Pax and Rail. 

We screamed through the tunnels, taking the narrowest passages single-file, dodging uneven rocks along the way. I stayed near the back with Gav and Eekeb. 

I could feel us gaining elevation as we moved through the insides of the mountain range. 

It was half an hour before we reached the base, almost an hour since the attack began. That was a lot of time for the First Order. I knew how quickly they could destroy a site.

Our first sign that we were getting close was two freedom fighters, wounded by blaster fire, sitting on the tunnel floor, waiting for help. 

One of the Gran pulled over, motioning for the rest of our group to pass. 

We began moving more cautiously. Enemy troops would be up ahead. 

Pax, Ren, and Rail encountered the first group of stormtroopers. 

I heard the shouts, saw blaster fire erupt, then there was only smoke and silence.

We continued to move forward, and I skimmed over the top of five dead stormtroopers on the ground. 

As we approached the mouth of the tunnel, we turned our headlights off, swallowed in the darkness. I flicked the safety off both of my blasters. 

Our group pulled to a halt before the entrance. Outside we would be exposed. I couldn’t hear any sounds of combat.

Pax was motioning for our group to split into halves. I’d be travelling to the left with Gav, Eekeb, the Wookie, and a few others. Ren would be travelling to the right with Pax, Rail, and the rest of the fighters. 

Beyond the cave was a wide slope littered with large, uneven rocks. Fires blazed unevenly between them. 

The steep slope and large boulders would give us some cover as we made our way out. 

The First Order ship had landed just outside the field of rocks. Its lights blazed in the darkness of early morning. Its ramp was lowered. I could make out the profiles of stormtroopers milling around, waiting for their patrol to return. 

The ship’s engines drowned out the sounds of our approaching speeders. The boulders and curving terrain only protected us for the moment. We only had the briefest window before they spotted us. 

Our fighters began to disperse between the rocks, preparing for our attack. As we got closer to the fires, I saw that they were the remains of tents and structures. I began to see bodies on the ground - mostly freedom fighters, far fewer stormtroopers. 

Ren was _reaching_ for me. He was excited in the face of battle, even against his own troops.

> There are prisoners aboard that ship.

I found myself grinning, just behind Gav, my blaster at the ready in my hand.

> This is our chance to be heroes.
> 
> Let’s go save some Rebels.

Ren knew the layout of the ship and how the troops were trained to handle these kinds of missions. I felt off-balance as images and information flooded my mind, as I felt Ren’s emotions blending with mine. 

Gav was beginning to move and I allowed myself to slip into the pure, humming energy of the Force. 

Blaster fire erupted from the freedom fighters at the front of the camp. 

Three storm troopers fell, taken by surprise. The remaining three retreated up the ramp, firing at us from the safety of the ship. 

I was not going to stay at the back of the fight. 

I zipped out from behind the boulder, firing as a fresh wave of storm troopers flooded down the ramp. 

The pilots in the ship began to fire, using the ship’s turrets. The first row of boulders exploded. I heard the cries of our men as they went down. 

I continued forward, determination tightening my jaw. I let out a slow breath, my finger on the trigger- one, two, three, four. 

Four men fell with shots to the head and torso, smoke rising from their white armor. 

Ren saw what I was doing. He tore out from behind a boulder, joining the charge. I felt his awareness extended, the thrill of power. 

We barrelled towards the First Order ship, oncoming blaster fire skimming past us. 

I heard our men shouting. To them, this looked like suicide. 

They didn’t know we had the Force on our side. 

Ren and I fired at the stormtroopers on the ramp, clearing the way for us to get underneath the ship, out of range of her turrets.

Each breath felt like an eternity. My mind was bright, body humming with energy. I was completely in sync with Ren. 

We barreled underneath the ship, killing the remaining stormtroopers, and leapt off our speeders, running up the ramp. 

“The pilots are calling for reinforcements,” Ren said as we boarded the ship. 

A unit of stormtroopers was coming at us. 

We took cover behind the pocket of the open bay doors. 

“We need to get to the cockpit!” Ren shouted, across from me. 

Red plasma bolts erupted in the hallway. 

I whipped around the protruding wall, finger on the trigger, my shots landed true. Stormtroopers fell in the hallway, smoke rising from their armor.

Ren twisted around the metal wall, arm outstretched. His shots took out the rest of them. 

There was a second of calm. Behind us, we heard the ship’s turrets firing on our men.

I looked at Ren. He nodded. 

I followed him through the ship to the cockpit. 

A cluster of stormtroopers were waiting for us, eight of them were guarding the locked bay doors. 

Ren and I began to fire, our feet and blaster shots in a deadly rhythm as we advanced on the troops. They dropped under our attack. 

I was grinning wildly, mind completely absorbed in the fight. 

Ren was at the console for the doors, punching in a code. 

As the doors opened, more blaster fire erupted from inside. 

One of the pilots was firing on us. 

To my surprise, Ren stepped from behind the cover of the bay doors, a hand outstretched. 

He _captured_ the pilots and made two quick shots with the blaster in his other hand. 

We rushed into the cockpit, waving through the windows to the freedom fighters below. 

“I’m going to see if they called for reinforcements,” Ren said, his voice urgent, dark eyes intensely focused, “You should go and free the guerrillas they captured.”

There was a map in my mind, showing me the way. 

I made a fierce grin and bolted out of the cockpit, blaster at the ready. 

I only encountered a couple of straggling stormtroopers in the halls, they fell under my blaster fire. 

There was a guard stationed outside of the holding cell - he went down in one shot. I _reached_ through the door, _pushing_ at the locking mechanisms. 

The door opened. The people inside turned to look at me standing in the doorway. 

“I’m Captain Zhang,” I announced, “This is your rescue party.” 

There were a few whoops of joy and relief. These people didn’t know who I was, but they could see I wasn’t a stormtrooper. 

I stepped into the room. The people who had been sitting down were rising to their feet. I thought I was looking at fifty people, all told. Everyone had been handcuffed - there were four rows, all connected by a chain. 

In the distance I heard more blaster fire, and the battle cries of our men boarding the ship. Ren must have taken out the pilots in the cockpit. 

“We’re over here!” I called out into the hallway. 

It was not going to be easy to get fifty people out of here all handcuffed together. 

The Wookie and Rail were the first ones to meet me, Gav and Pax were trailing behind them. 

“I think we’ve cleared the ship,” I said. 

My awareness was still extended, the ship felt quieter.

Gav was stepping inside the room, a tool in hand. He began unlocking cuffs. 

Ren came running down the hallway towards us. He was sweating, adrenaline making his eyes bright. 

“The pilots requested back-up as soon as we boarded. Reinforcements are going to be here soon,” he panted. 

Pax turned to us, “Kay, Mara, Gav, I want you to help get our people into the tunnels, anyone who can’t walk will get put on a speeder.”

I nodded, “Yessir.”

He turned to Rail and Rurruka, “Let’s get as many supplies as we can.”

Gav was making quick work with his tool. The freedom fighters who had gotten out of their cuffs were helping pull the connecting chains out, the metal rattling against the floor.

I took charge in the room, “Who’s going to need help walking?” I called out. 

A young man, just a teenager, raised his hand, “They shot my leg,” he said, and I could hear the pain in his voice. 

There were seven people wounded too seriously to walk. They were helped out of the room by the others. 

“Make sure you’re taking the blasters off those stormtroopers,” I called out to our group as we jogged through the halls.

We quickly left the ship, joined soon by some of the fighters carrying First Order munitions crates, rations, and medical supplies. 

Outside, dawn was breaking, low and gray. 

Ren and I grabbed our speeders from the bottom of the ramp. We were able to fit three people on mine and two on Ren’s. Gav lifted a person onto his back, arms held tight around his shoulders. Ren did the same.

From my speeder, I gazed out over the battle wreckage, the fires and debris, the bodies of freedom fighters and stormtroopers strewn across the ground. I spotted Eekeb, face down between large chunks of seared rock. He had been killed when the pilots had fired on us. 

This wasn’t the time for reflection. 

I guided my overloaded speeder through the remains of the camp to the tunnel entrance. 

Flip was waiting just inside. 

“What’s the news?” he asked as we entered. 

“We got our people off the ship,” I said with a fierce smile, “Kay took out the pilots. We’re raiding her for supplies, but reinforcements are going to be here soon.”

“Let’s get moving, then. I’m going to blast this tunnel shut once we’re all inside,” Flip said, and pointed to the ceiling where he had arranged a row of thermal detonators. 

“I’ll go back and help them move supplies,” Ren volunteered, gently passing off the person on his back to Gav. 

I took the freedom fighters deeper into the tunnel, my mind working on our options. 

Once Flip blasted the tunnel entrance we’d be relatively safe from any reinforcements. There were seven wounded that needed medical attention, and two more farther down in the tunnel.

The speeders from our fallen were being guided inside, but there simply weren’t enough to get everyone back to base. It had taken us half an hour to travel here, and I couldn’t imagine making the journey on foot. 

We’d have to make a couple of trips to get everyone back. 

People were streaming inside with crates held between them. Speeders came in loaded heavily. I was urging people into the tunnels, getting us far enough inside so that Flip could set off the detonators without hurting anyone. 

“Their reinforcements are here!” a Gran yelled as he ran through the entrance. The rest of our fighters came running in behind him. 

The only light here came from our speeders. 

“C’mon! Keep hustling!” I called out, urging people farther into the tunnel.

Ren was in the last group with Pax, Rail, and Rurruka. 

“I’m detonating on the count of three!” Flip announced from a perch on the wall, a device in hand, “Three! Two! One!”

An explosion shook the tunnel and dust filled the air. 

I pulled up the front of my shirt, glad to have the speeder goggles. Around me, people were coughing.

I began to move through the crowd, looking for Pax. I found him sitting on top of a munitions crate, catching his breath. 

“We have seven people too injured to walk, and more than forty people to take back to our base. I don’t think we can fit more than two people on a speeder.”

“We’ll have to make two trips, at least,” Pax said. His tone was serious, but there was hope in his eyes. There were fifty survivors from this attack. This was a victory. “Mara, will you stay behind with me? We can send the injured on the first trip, and talk to the rest and try to figure out what happened.”

“Yeah,” I nodded. 

People were gathering around Pax, figuring out our next steps. I tried to see whose faces were missing from our original group. Pax put his hands around his mouth, “Gav!” he called out. 

Gav stepped forward. 

“Gav, I’m putting you in charge of the return trip,” Pax said, his tone firm and confident, “We can take twenty-six people if we double up on the speeders. Anyone injured will go first. Bring fresh men on the return trip, and have them bring our cargo speeders. Jarik, Therell, you can decide the order your people go in.”

Two men nodded - probably Base Four leadership.

Pax turned to our group, “Mara, Rurruka, Rail, and Flip will stay behind with me. If the First Order starts digging into this tunnel, we’ll be here to fight them,” Pax turned to the two Base Four leaders.

With our orders given, people began to disperse.

Gav, Therell, and Jarik, began organizing the people who would be headed to Base One first. 

Ren stayed behind. For a moment it was just me, him, and Pax. 

“I don’t know how to thank you,” Pax said, “You could have both been killed. I don’t know if we would have gotten aboard that ship without you.”

“I’m glad we were able to help,” I said, meeting his eyes, putting a hand on his shoulder. 

Ren was looking stiff now, the battle-high wearing off, “Should we expect more First Order patrols on the ground after this?” he asked.

It was a leading question. He knew what the protocol was. 

“Kay, you should go back in the first group,” Pax said, after considering Ren’s question, “Talk with Oolan. We should get fresh scouts in position in case the First Order decides to send more patrols. The mountain range is usually enough of a defense, but we took out one of their ships. I imagine they’ll be pulling out the stops to find us.”

“Yessir,” Ren said. 

“Good thinking,” I said to him, meeting his dark eyes. 

Ren was starting to look frayed around the edges. Neither one of us had really slept. He had just killed a large number of his own troops. 

I _reached_ for him as I took a breath.

> Just follow orders. I’ll see you back at the base.

Ren nodded and turned around, joining Gav and the other people heading out on speeders. 

The first group headed off into the dark tunnel, headlights bouncing off the uneven walls. With two people in each saddle, and their wounded, they moved slowly. 

I guessed it would take them forty-five minutes or an hour to get to the base. We wouldn’t have anyone coming back for us for at least an hour and a half. 

If the First Order did start excavating this tunnel, we might see more action. 

Thankfully we had the munitions crates. If they broke through, we’d be able to give them hell. 

**IV**

There were thirty-two of us left behind. 

Pax assembled the remaining leadership from the base, eight men total. We walked down the tunnel to discuss the attack. 

Pax began with a grave expression on his face, “By my count, we lost thirty people in the attack.”

“That’s right,” one of the men, I thought it was Therrell, replied.

The rest of the men were looking exhausted and mournful.

“We’ll have a memorial for them tonight,” Pax said, “Lars was a good man and a strong leader. Losing him was tragic. He will be deeply missed.”

We lowered our heads for a moment. 

“Before I start this meeting, I should make an introduction and share some news,” Pax continued . “This woman is Captain Mara Zhang,” he said, “She and Captain Kayden Gos are Resistance officers. She established contact with myself and Brennan a number of weeks ago, and just arrived yesterday to help in our liberation from the First Order.” 

The men were dumbfounded. Pax had not let them know his plans until now. 

There was a lantern on the floor, casting dim uneven light from below. I watched our shadows flicker across the walls.

Pax continued, “My fear is that their arrival caught the attention of the First Order and caused the attack on Base Four.”

This was not going in the direction I had hoped. 

A short, stocky Duro responded to Pax, “Now I don’t know nothing about any Resistance fighters coming to help us, so you’re going to have to tell us more about that. But I know why the base was attacked.”

The men were nodding along. Thank the gods, it didn’t have anything to do with us. 

The Duro continued, “It was Tanesh. He took it upon himself to steal supplies from the mine. He decided to take a speeder while he was at it, and they were able to track it home. That’s how we got the transmission to you so fast. We already knew stormtroopers were on the way.”

“I haven’t seen him…” Pax said, brows drawing together, mouth twisting down. 

“He’s dead,” Jarrik said, his voice hard. 

“So, who are you?” another man asked me. He was a tall, broad-shouldered Gran. His eyestalks were tilting and twisting as he looked at me. 

“I’m a Resistance soldier from Dantooine,” I answered, wanting to keep a lid on this conversation. There had already been enough excitement for one day, “You can call me Mara. We heard about you after the attack on the rail line. We’re doing a scouting mission to help liberate you.”

“Pax, you really should have mentioned this…” Therrell said. His voice was dark. 

“He was trying to spare you disappointment,” I said, stepping in for Pax, “I made a supply drop a little while ago and wasn’t able to say when I’d be back or how much support I could provide.” 

“So you and whoever else are here to help?” the short Duro asked. 

“Yes,” I answered, “Kayden and I will be travelling back to Dantooine to make a plan to save you.”

“I didn’t expect to hear good news on a day like this,” one of the men said. 

The rest of them began to nod in agreement. 

My heart was twisting bitterly in my chest. I knew exactly what to do and say, and these people believed me.

We rejoined the rest of the freedom fighters in the tunnel, and waited for more speeders to return. 

The First Order didn’t try to dig their way in. 

I extended my awareness, _feeling_ beyond the wall of collapsed rock. 

The stormtroopers were gone. The only things left in the field were bodies and the remains of the camp. 

We milled around, having conversations, regrouping, letting the adrenaline die down.

Flip took a seat next to me, sharing a calorie pouch. I realized I hadn’t had any food or water yet today. 

Eventually our people returned with cargo speeders. We loaded up the crates and piled ourselves in on top. 

I took a seat on the tail end of one, my feet dangling over the edge, one hand gripping the side rail. My stomach dipped as we made our way back to the base. 

Loaded down with three or more people per speeder, the ride back was slow and cautious. I was sharing the back of the cargo speeder with a large, motion-sick Yarkora. He spent the ride with a hand near his mouth, wincing and groaning as we moved through the uneven tunnels. 

Pax dismissed me when we arrived, “Take a break for a few hours. Find me after you’ve had a meal at least.”

He was on his way to their makeshift medbay, not granting any rest for himself. 

I had no idea what time it was. Most of my day had been spent in tunnels. I was grateful to be back at the base. 

I began to search for Ren, wanting to see how he was doing. The hallways were bustling with activity, people crowded elbow to elbow. I found Gav in a barracks room, sitting with a group of people rescued from Base Four. 

“Do you know where Kay is?” I asked. 

Gav motioned for me to sit down, “He went out with Oolan and our scouts to help with the security patrols.”

I was impressed that he had the energy. This was exactly the kind of information we needed to be gathering. 

***

The afternoon passed in a rush of activity. 

The people who had been living outside the cave in tents had been ordered to come indoors so that the First Order probes couldn’t spot them. 

We were creating space for over one hundred new people inside the tunnels. I helped them reorganize, making room for more beds and belongings. 

We were working hard, but there was hope in the air. More than fifty people had been freed and we had taken out a First Order ship. 

Victories like that didn’t happen every day. 

Word began to move through the base that there would be a wake for the fallen members of Base Four and a celebration for the survivors. 

I began seeing instruments - drums and strings. Alcohol was being opened. 

People began to move towards the cave entrance. 

I spotted Ren in the crowd, one of the tallest people in the room, his long-range blaster still slung around his back. He noticed me and we began moving towards one another, slowly wading through the crush of people.

Pax was in a crowd of fighters, being encouraged to climb on a stack of crates and make a speech. He had a bottle in his hand and he held it up above his head. 

“Comrades!” he called out. 

His voice was powerful, resonant in the cave. 

“Ae-rah!” came the response. 

“Let us gather to honor our fallen brothers and sisters, taken from us by the First Order. They died bravely, protecting our freedom...”

“Freedom!” came the echoing cry. 

Ren and I found each other. He put his arm around my waist, meeting my eyes for a moment before looking up at Pax. 

“...Tonight, we will honor their memories and share their stories, and tomorrow we will continue the struggle for those still enslaved! Ae-rah!”

“Ae-rah!” we shouted. 

Deacon was at our side, a bottle in hand, clapping us both on the back. 

“And with the Resistance taking up the cause, we’ll finally throw the First Order off our backs!” he said, passing us his bottle. 

I drank deeply, appreciating the way the liquor burned my throat and warmed my belly. I handed it to Ren afterwards. 

The celebrations took over the base. 

I moved from group to group, letting Deacon and Gav lead me around. People wanted to hear the story of how Kay and I stormed the ship and freed the people captured from Base Four. Ordinarily, I’d be puffing myself up, making it as exciting as possible, but that wasn’t the tone I wanted to strike as I played the Resistance soldier. I made it sound like it was all in a day’s work. 

Mostly, I tried to listen. Hearing the stories about the base leader, Lars, and the other members who had been killed in the attack. I drank freely, swigging off of whatever alcohol came my way. 

True to form, Ren kept to the sidelines, wandering in and out of the party, keeping to himself. I’d catch glimpses of him every now and then, leaning against a wall, having a conversation with one or two people at a time. He looked just like a Rebel, with his wrinkled and dirty clothes, his hair loose around his face and a few days worth of beard shading his cheeks and chin. 

I hoped I could count on him to see this mission through to the end. 

We had been in sync when we stormed the ship together. I had felt powerful, unstoppable with Ren at my side. Between the Force and our blasters, no one could get in our way. 

Gav and Flip pulled me to another room. 

Space had been made for dancing in one of the barracks. Six or seven people were seated on mats or on top of crates, playing homemade drums and stringed instruments. 

People were singing as they moved. I joined in, watching the patterns of steps and arm motions, figuring out the motions. 

Pax was in the crowd and I took a place next to him. 

Among his people, with a few drinks in him, he looked happy. He was grinning, eyes bright as he danced. Our feet stomped against the stone floors, our voices rose to the ceiling. 

I let the reality of the situation fall away from me. 

For now I would be Captain Mara Zhang, celebrating a victorious battle against the First Order. 

Everything felt so damn familiar. It was easy to lose myself inside the story. I danced with people, a smile on my face, accepting the hugs and pats on the back. 

As I drank, I shut off the party of my mind telling me that everything I was doing was a lie. 

When Pax was done dancing, he put a hand on my shoulder motioning for me to follow him. 

Flip was standing near the entrance in a group of five or six other people. A large jug was travelling around the group. 

“I thought you might have brought the moonshine out,” Pax said, receiving the jug from a woman next to him. He took a swig before passing it to me. 

“We’re almost out of the good stuff,” Flip said, “This will have to see us through the night.”

I laughed and tilted the jug up with a practiced motion. My mouth was immediately on fire from the roughly distilled alcohol a spicy, syrupy aftertaste on its heels. I swallowed with a grimace and a cough. 

“Gods-damn, what is that?” I exclaimed, my voice catching in my throat. 

Flip laughed, patting me on the back, “Family recipe. The more you drink, the more easily it goes down.” He took the jug from me and took two healthy glugs before sending it around the circle. 

Pax and I stayed for another round, then he motioned for me to follow him out into the hallway. 

It was quieter outside the room. People stumbled by us, holding onto each other, or with a hand outstretched against the walls. 

I was hammered. The moonshine was making my head spin. My cheeks felt flushed. Pax was just as drunk. 

“I want you to know just how grateful I am that you and Kayden are here,” he said, a long arm around my shoulders. His drunkenness didn’t make him any less sincere. “I still can’t believe that you two made it onto the ship. I’ve never seen anyone fight like that before. If you’re all like this, we’ll have the First Order off of us in no time. I’m sure of it.”

There was a dark feeling worming its way through my heart. 

“It’s really nothing,” I said, “This is what we came here to do.”

I couldn’t stand to have this attention from Pax. I steered us back towards the main party, losing him in a group with Gav, Rail, and Deacon. 

As I worked my way through the crowd, someone passed me a small flask of moonshine. With alcohol in hand I began to search the edges of the party for Ren. 

He was sitting on a crate, still in the entrance hall of the cave. My legs were starting to feel loose. I took a heavy seat next to him, offering the flask. 

“So how are you doing?” he asked, eyeing me as he took a sip. Immediately he was coughing and spluttering, “Fuck! What is this?”

“Moonshine. Flip makes it,” I said, resting my head on his shoulder, “Do you want to dance?”

Ren was shaking his head, bringing an arm around me, “You already know I don’t dance.”

“Want to do something else?” I asked, looking up at him with a wide grin. 

Ren brought a hand to the back of my head, fingers sliding through my dirty, greasy hair. He kissed me. 

We got to our feet, hand in hand. 

“You’re having fun tonight,” Ren said as we moved through the drunken crowds, looking for a spot that would give us some privacy. 

“This is fucking home for me,” I said, my words slurring. 

We travelled down the tunnels that led away from the base. As we peeked into rooms and alcoves, we found other couples who had the same idea, and we quickly moved on, grinning and laughing. 

“Let’s go outside,” Ren suggested, his big hand wrapped around mine. 

I followed him, trying not to stumble. My thoughts were all mixed up, head spinning from the alcohol. 

It was cold and windy outside, the clouds too low to see any stars. I realized that I hadn’t seen the sun today. 

“You make a good hero,” I teased. 

We headed down the slope towards the river, picking our way through the trees and bushes. 

“Oh yeah?” Ren said. I could feel the sharpness of his smile as he kissed me, his teeth against my bottom lip.

> I expected that we’d be taking out this cell tonight.
> 
> Instead, we’re celebrating that we saved one of their bases.

His voice was a growl in my mind.

> We make good Rebels.

My voice was a leer. I nipped at his tongue. 

Ren’s hand wrapped through my hair, roughly pulling, making me cry out and whimper. 

“Don’t make a sound,” Ren ordered, low in my ear. I could feel the rumble of desire in his chest. He sighed, “When I’m with you, I feel like I can have anything I want.”

We fucked, quick and dirty in the forest. 

I had my arms braced against a tree trunk. My pants were barely pulled down my ass. Ren’s were only halfway down his hips. I could feel his zipper and belt against my skin as he thrust into me. 

He was hard, going deep. I struggled to keep my moans and cries in my throat. My eyes squeezed shut, fingers digging into the tree bark. 

I felt his final thrust, cock pulsing, his hands gripping my ass for dear life. 

We slipped apart, tugging our pants up, kissing sloppily and catching our breath. 

My back was against the tree. Ren leaned over me. 

“Gods-damn it felt good to have you at my side today,” he said, his hand sliding down the front of my pants. 

I drew in a breath as his fingers slid through my wetness, filling me. He brought his fingertips up, finding my clit. I draped my head back, eyes closed, enjoying the sensation as he found the perfect rhythm with his hand. 

Soon I was shuddering and spasming, shoulders curling forward as I fought to stay silent. 

“That’s very good,” he whispered in my ear. 

He brought his fingers to my mouth and I sucked them clean while he hummed in approval. 

I drank more of the moonshine as we returned to the cave. 

We rejoined the party, hand in hand. 

The rest of the night was a jumble. I had reached my limits with the poorly distilled alcohol. 

There was more dancing and lots of drunken conversation. Ren was at my side. I remembered holding onto his arm. 

Deacon found us in a group and began blathering about the good old days with the Rebellion. He wanted to hear updates and war stories from us. He asked the same questions over and over again. 

Suddenly, I was in a group with Pax, Rail, and Flip, drinking more moonshine. We were shouting, dancing, patting each other on the back. 

Then darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! 
> 
> When I first thought up this story, there were five or six scenes that were crystal clear in my mind. This chapter was one of them. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! I always love to hear your thoughts in the comments!


	14. Cloak and Dagger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Siobhan and Kylo Ren have infiltrated a group of freedom fighters on the mining colony of Otomok.
> 
> On the first day of their mission, they helped a neighboring base that had been attacked by the First Order. They freed the captives that had been taken, and were treated like heroes. 
> 
> Now Siobhan and Ren have to decide if they will betray their trust and hand these people over to the First Order, or if they will stay and make good on their promise to help.

**I**

There was bile in my throat, my stomach was cramping. 

I pushed myself off the ground and blearily rushed out of the room I was in. My body had finally decided that the moonshine was poison and wouldn’t tolerate it for another second. I staggered towards the entrance of the base, my head spinning. 

I was in good company - there were many other people suffering from the night before, moving through the tunnels. I stepped over the splayed legs of the ones who were still asleep, and passed those shuffling in from a long visit to the latrines. 

I made it outside, running to the edge of the path. Leaning forward, my hands braced on my thighs, I threw up into the trees and bushes, in full view of the cave entrance. 

My guts clenched and spasmed. I stayed hunched over for some time, my mind foggy and body aching. 

Eventually my stomach began to settle and I found myself able to string full thoughts together. 

The reality of my situation slurred around me. I wiped at my mouth with the back of my hand, brushing off the front of my shirt. 

I straightened up and took a look around. I was in the middle of a mission. I was supposed to be preparing to take down a cell of freedom fighters.

Memories of the night before came back to me in hazy flashes. There were a lot of blank stretches. 

What the fuck had I done?

Where was Ren?

Deacon was slumped outside the entrance to the cave, a jug resting between his legs, vomit and drool tracing down his beard and the front of his shirt. 

My stomach did another flip and I spit into the bushes. I decided to make my way to the latrines. I was supposed to be a Resistance hero. The whole base didn’t need to see me puking my guts out. 

At the latrines, there were six or seven other people with the same idea. 

Gav was hunched forward in a sorry state. His shirt was off - round belly hanging over his pants. I stopped at the edge of the pit, the smell of the open latrine was encouraging out what was left in my stomach. 

Gav crouched heavily, wiping at his beard, “Flip makes the finest gut-rot this side of the front range.”

I gave him a miserable smile, “I’ll have to get the recipe from him…”

“C’mon, let’s get some water and breakfast,” Gav said patting me between my shoulder blades.

I made a weak groan at the thought of eating. 

We walked back to the cave, stiff and sore. The sun was up, shining behind a layer of clouds. The dispersed light hurt my eyes. I squeezed my temples with a hand. 

An uneasy feeling was swirling in my chest. What the fuck had happened last night? What had I done before I passed out?

I couldn’t sense anything in Gav’s emotions. 

It had been a long time since I had blacked out. What a stupid thing to do. 

I tried to remember the last time I saw Ren. Where was he?

We returned to the cave. 

The chow area had been set up near the entrance. I hadn’t noticed it earlier. 

The teenaged Dug, Geshell, was operating the large cookpot. A group of twenty or so people sat around it, bowls and utensils in hand. 

I left Gav there and went wandering through the barracks in search of Ren. 

My awareness was extended, searching for any sign that I had done something to make people suspicious of me, concerned that I had done something to compromise the mission. 

Nothing seemed out of place. I wasn’t one of those people that began sharing secrets when I got drunk. Most of the time. 

I found Flip and Rail sitting together in a barracks room, hunched and red-eyed. 

“That moonshine is really something else,” I said taking a seat with them. 

“You kept up pretty well,” Flip said, a weak smile on his snout, “For your first time.”

I spat, “Got to spend some quality time with Gav at the latrine this morning.”

Rail squawked a laugh, “Going to include that in your report?”

Maybe I had just gotten drunk. I couldn’t imagine they’d be joking around with me if I had done anything suspect. 

“I haven’t seen… Kay yet. Have y’all seen him?” I asked, taking the water Flip offered me. 

“He took my place on the morning patrols,” Rail said, with a grimace. 

Of course he had. Ren was the good soldier. 

“That’s why my superiors put him on the mission with me…” I said, “They knew he wasn’t going to waste time partying…”

***

The three of us slumped together for a little while, putting together the lost pieces of the night, drinking more water. 

When I was feeling up for it, I wandered to the chow tent with Flip. 

Geshell ladled bland soup into dented metal bowls. 

My hangover had a firm grip on my mind - temples throbbing, tongue dry. 

“Flip, I think you cured me. I don’t think I’ll ever have another drink as long as I live,” I said, staring into the bowl, watching a couple pieces of vegetable swirl in the starchy liquid. 

He shrugged, “Let me know if you change your mind. Hair of the dog is the only thing that does it for me.”

I was just finishing my bowl when Pax wandered in from one of the tunnels. 

“Mara, how long have you been up?” he asked, joining us on the floor. 

He had puffy bags under his eyes, his tightly coiled hair was unkempt. 

“Too long,” I said, “How’re you feeling?”

“Like I got hit by a rockslide,” he answered, rubbing at an eye, “Where’s Kay?”

The Dug came over with a bowl of soup for Pax and he took it with a word of thanks. 

“I was asking the same thing,” I replied with a grin, “Apparently he’s not irresponsible like the rest of us, and went out on the morning patrols.”

“Rail was still drunk this morning, so he took his place,” Flip elaborated. 

“We appreciate the hospitality,” I said, “I didn’t think I’d be dancing on this trip.”

“I’m glad we had something to celebrate,” Pax said with a smile, “It doesn’t happen too often around here.”

The three of us sat together, fighting through our hangovers. 

“You and I should meet with Brennan,” Pax said as he finished his soup, “Do you need to prepare anything?”

“I’ll grab my tablet,” I replied.

“Meet me in the comms room, then,” Pax said, rising to his feet with a sigh. 

I made my way back to the barracks. 

I was still in the clothes I had worn when we landed on this planet. I changed quickly, not wanting people to notice the bruises and welts still healing across my back. 

When I was dressed in fresh clothes, I took the opportunity to look through my kit bag. The sealed canisters were at the bottom, my lightsabers safely tucked inside. 

One less thing to be paranoid about. 

I put my tablet under my arm, stuffed the near-empty pouch of t’bac in my pants, and made my way to the comms room. 

Brennan was sitting on a crate, the bulky headphones around his neck. Pax was sitting on the ground with one knee bent, his arms wrapped around it and chin resting on top. 

“Hey Brennan,” I greeted, stepping into the room, “I didn’t see you at the party last night.”

Brennan gave me an amused smile, “I like the radio more than I like crowds.”

I grinned, “My partner, Kay, feels the same way.”

We got to work. 

After our little show yesterday, Pax didn’t have any hesitation sharing information with me. 

“Brennan and I are the only two people who know the full extent of our operations on the planet,” Pax said, “Our only advantage against the First Order is surprise, so we keep information limited between cells in case anyone is captured.”

I remembered Pax’s speech yesterday as we were on our way to Base Four. We were going to prevent any of our people from falling into the hands of the First Order, at any cost. 

“All orders and information come through this base,” Brennan said. 

We talked for a couple of hours. Pax and Brennan gave me everything. I made notes on my tablet. 

After our stunt to free the prisoners from Base Four, there wasn’t any reason for them to be suspicious of me. I had told them I was coming in to help, and I had delivered. Providing me the information about their organization was the next stage of the plan.

They had more than thirty bases scattered across Otomok. There were around one hundred-fity or two hundred people on each base. They had around five thousand active freedom fighters. 

Most groups moved every three or four weeks. I was given all the coordinates for the current bases and information on where they would be moving to.

Suddenly, there was a change. I _sensed_ the tremor rolling through the mountain range before I felt it. My head swiveled, not sure what was coming or what to expect. 

The two men noticed my attention shift, and seconds later there was a rumble. A vibration was traveling through the solid stone walls and floors. 

I got to my feet as dust and small stones began raining down from the ceiling. 

“It’s just an earthquake,” Brennan said, reaching out a hand to mine. 

Pax was looking around, but didn’t seem concerned, “It’s about on schedule,” he said, “There was one the morning you and Kay arrived.”

I had only experienced one or two earthquakes before. I extended my awareness through the stone, through the base. 

The rocks were repositioning themselves and settling. I couldn’t feel anything worse on the way. 

No one in the base was alarmed, everyone took it in stride. 

I made a little sound and shook myself, a twinge of adrenaline speeding up my heart, “Whoo… I’m not used to that,” I said with a sheepish smile. 

“I had to adjust to it when I first came here,” Pax said, a kind look in his eyes. 

Our meeting progressed again after the geological interruption. 

Pax and Brennan discussed their system for espionage and organizing among the people enslaved in the mines. 

By the end of our conversation, I had a handful of names and the mines with the largest network of moles. 

Then it was their turn to ask me questions. 

“Based on what you’ve seen and the discussions you’ve had with your superiors,” Pax began, “What do you expect the Resistance will provide to help liberate us?”

I made a thoughtful frown, “Now, I just want to be clear that I’m speaking in hypotheticals, not making promises,” I began, respectful and cautious, “You’re in a tight spot here. The First Order controls this entire system and they are very well-established.”

It was easy for me to do this. I had been with the Resistance for five years. I knew how they thought and what their capabilities were. It took no effort to tell them something authentic. 

“At the very least, we might be able to send rescue shuttles in a coordinated mission, and get y’all off-planet, but that doesn’t help your moles or the people still enslaved.”

Pax was nodding, “Our people in the mines are, arguably, in a more dangerous position than we are. They are under constant threat of exposure and hold many of our secrets. I couldn’t leave them behind while we’re rescued.”

“I still have family in the mines. I don’t think I would be able to leave this planet without them, without knowing that they’re safe,” Brennan said, shaking his head, 

“The biggest problem is the First Order’s fleet,” I said with a grimace, “There’s one Star Destroyer sitting on top of us, and one for every planet in the system. If we try to stage a full-scale attack, that puts us against eight or ten Star Destroyers, at least.”

“They took over so fast,” Brennan said, “As soon as Donnal Extraction signed themselves over to the First Order, they had their fleet in place.”

“I’m going to advocate for you,” I said, “I experienced the same thing growing up on Tevel.”

Pax was slowly shaking his head, “If I had it my way, we would liberate the entire system. No one would be left behind.”

I reached out a hand, resting on his forearm. Our eyes met, and I saw the way hope softened his features. 

“We’ll have to wait and see what my superiors think is possible, but we have your back. You’re part of the Resistance now.”

My stomach was churning again and I felt my heart, hard in my chest. 

“Thank you, Mara,” Pax said with a gentle smile, “I think we’ve gotten as far as talking will get us. Let’s see what our morning patrols have to report.”

We left the comms room. 

My hangover made it feel like I was a ghost, walking a pace behind my body. I had been fine sitting down, but standing up, I felt weak and dizzy. 

I saw Ren sitting in the chow area with Rurruka and Oolan. 

“Morning,” I greeted, taking a seat next to him. 

Ren raised an eyebrow, the corner of his mouth curling into a smile, “Well, look at you,” he teased. 

He looked tired, with dark circles under his eyes, but that was all he was suffering from. 

I liked the way his hair draped around his face, the beard and mustache shading his cheeks. He was leaning back on a hand, actually looking casual. This was the most relaxed that I had ever seen him. 

“How were the morning patrols?” Pax asked Rurruka. 

The Wookie made a series of grunts, growls, and barks and I watched Pax’s expression darken. 

“What’s going on?” I asked. I had never learned their language.

“This part of the mountain range is covered in probes,” Ren said. 

I narrowed my eyes, “Rosie is just sitting in a cave…” I said, pretending to be worried. 

It wasn’t all fake. I liked the ship a lot and didn’t want anything to happen to her.

Rurruka made another series of guttural sounds. I tilted my head. Ren understood what she was asking and gave her the coordinates of my ship.

“Mara, let’s go check on your ship. The patrols didn’t get that far south,” Pax said.

“I was thinking we could leave first thing tomorrow, but not if we have security crawling all over us,” I said. 

Ren was looking at me.

> I have all the information we need to finish the mission.

I said. 

“We’ll get her moved if we need to. The probes usually don’t go that deep into the mountain, it throws off their navigation,” Pax said.

> Then we need to start making our plans. I was gathering intelligence on the base while you were passed out drunk…

I deserved that. 

“Then let’s get going. Stealing a First Order ship to make it off-planet is definitely not Plan A,” I replied to Pax.

> I’ll leave my tablet in my kitbag. You can look through the information while I’m out.

Pax and I left the chow area. 

I dropped my tablet in my kit bag and grabbed my long-range blaster, just in case things got exciting. 

I met Pax by the speeders. 

They had been moved farther into the tunnel when we had reorganized the base yesterday. Now the speeders and munition crates were fifty meters down the central tunnel that used to connect us to Base Four. 

I made a mental note of where the heavy-duty munitions were. It would be helpful when Ren and I were making final plans together. 

**II**

We wound our way from the base, following the informal gravel ridge into the mountain tunnels.

Pax had a bulky pair of binocs with several different kinds of scanners built in. The technology was at least ten years old, but it was better than nothing. 

We’d stop every fifteen minutes or so for him to take stock of the area. We wanted to get ahead of any trouble, before it found us. 

“So, how much of a threat are the probes?” I asked during a break. 

“It depends,” Pax said, upright on his speeder, the clunky binocs covering most of his face. 

Our headlights shone into the pitch black tunnel. I had my awareness extended, wanting to avoid any unwelcome surprises. 

“The mineral deposits in the mountains throw their scanners off. I think they mostly do it to intimidate us,” Pax said, returning the binocs to their place in the saddlebag, “But there are too many people on our base for us to get careless.”

“What are your options if a probe does find the base?”

Pax’s mouth twisted down, “We move into the tunnels. That’s our only option. You saw what happened yesterday. We’re vastly outnumbered. We can’t fight them on the ground. When they find a base, they strike fast.”

That was what I’d be relying on tomorrow. Ren and I wouldn’t be able to take out almost four hundred people on our own. We’d need troop support. 

***

The journey to Rosie was uneventful. There wasn’t any activity this far south. 

I climbed off my speeder and walked a slow circle around my ship, trying to see if anything was amiss. 

“So you’re planning to leave tomorrow?” Pax asked as I walked. 

“That’s the plan,” I replied, “We’ll probably head out in the morning. The sooner we leave, the sooner we can talk to our superiors.”

“Kay told me his parents are both Colonels on Hosnian Prime,” Pax said. 

“Yeah,” I replied, “They’re old-timers, they fought with the Rebellion.”

“And the war just keeps unfolding, just under new leaders and new banners,” Pax said, bitterness heavy in his voice.

“It never ends, does it?” I said, risking a smile.

“Not until we eliminate greed,” Pax said. 

Nothing looked out of place on Rosie. I wondered if any of the freedom fighters had come back to try to search her. 

I put an affectionate hand on her landing gear. 

For a moment, I thought about contacting Vin. It wasn’t too late to save these people. I could climb aboard Rosie right now and send a message off. If I really wanted to, I could probably establish direct contact with the base on D’Qar. 

I drew my hand back, hooking a thumb in my pocket. I was going to see this mission through. 

Our ride back to Base One was quieter, more thoughtful. 

My heart felt like lead in my chest. 

Pax’s words rung true. 

I had been at Ymir’s side as he meditated on the Darkside. His greed was like nothing I had ever seen before. He was fighting to establish control over the entire Galaxy.

These people were nothing more than a rock in his shoe. They had pushed back just hard enough to be noticed. 

Their crime was fighting for their freedom. 

That was all it took to make them worthy of destruction.

***

It was late afternoon by the time we returned, the sky was dim. The sun hadn’t managed to break through the clouds and now it was disappearing behind a mountain range. 

I felt Ren as we neared the cave entrance. He was somewhere in the forest - in the thick tangle of trees and bushes that led to the river. 

His aura felt like a flickering candle flame, equal parts fire and shadow.

> I’m here.

I said.

> I need time.

His voice sounded strained in my mind. I could feel the conflict in his heart. 

I was grateful that my aura was cloaked. He wasn’t able to see inside my thoughts. All I had to do was pretend to be strong. 

***

I spent the evening with the people in the base. 

I found Leeta in a barracks room, playing cards with some of her friends, and I joined their game. 

They didn’t have anything of value to play for, so they used stones and worn-down pieces of shrapnel. 

Sitting on the dirty cave floor, playing card games with people I had just met, I felt more safe and more at home than I ever had on Ymir’s estate. 

This was the life I was used to, living off of scraps, needing to be part of a team to survive. 

I listened to Leeta and her friends talk about their lives, and gossip about people on the base. It was just like my old smuggling crews. They gave each other shit and complained about annoying habits, but they were a family. 

They had let me into their group, and I was going to betray them. 

It couldn’t be a question. I wouldn’t allow doubt to freeze me. 

When the round of cards was done, I left the room. 

Flip, Gav, Deacon, and Rail were gathered together in another barracks farther down the tunnels. 

“So, we heard you’re shipping out tomorrow,” Flip said, patting the patch of ground next to him with one of his arms. 

“That’s what I’m thinking - bright and early this time,” I replied with a grin. 

“Where’s Kay? I haven’t seen him in hours,” Rail asked. 

“I dunno,” I said with a shrug, “I haven’t seen him since the chow tent.”

“He’s a real go-getter,” Flip said, “I’ll bet a credit that he volunteered for the evening security patrol.”

“Wouldn’t surprise me,” I replied. 

“Were there probes in the south?” Deacon asked. His voice was thick with phlegm and he coughed into his hand. It sounded like he had just kept drinking after he regained consciousness.

“We didn’t find anything that far south. I’m praying for smooth sailing tomorrow,” I said. 

“Mara,” I heard Ren’s voice behind me. 

“Hey,” I said, twisting around, “We were just talking about you.”

He looked tired, the circles under his eyes were deeper and his mouth was set in a line. 

“C’mon over, grab a seat,” Flip invited. 

Rail scooted so Ren could sit next to him. 

“Flip thought you might have gone on one of the evening security patrols,” Deacon said. 

“He bet a credit on it,” I added. 

Flip made a mischievous smile, his small teeth glittering in the lantern light. 

“Well then I think you owe me a credit,” Ren said, trying to smile, but it was half-hearted. 

“Good luck getting money out of Flip,” Rail said putting a clawed hand on the Ardennian’s narrow shoulder. 

Deacon was taking out a well worn pack of cards from inside his jacket, “Anyone want to play Biribi?”

“Sure,” I said. 

Rail and Flip were nodding. 

Ren made a wide yawn, bringing his hand over his mouth, “That’s all I have in me,” he said, “I’m off to my bunk.”

“Well, in case we don’t see you tomorrow morning,” Flip said, pushing himself to his feet. He barely came up to Ren’s waist, still he stood proud, offering a hand, “I’m grateful for everything you did yesterday. May the Force be with you.”

“May the Force be with you,” Ren echoed. His voice was hollow. 

I glanced his way. We were so close to our goal. I just needed him to keep it together a few more hours.

> Please don’t stay up getting drunk. Not tonight. I need you.

I could feel his sadness like it was my own.

> I’ll be there.

Ren shook hands with Rail and Deacon before heading into the tunnel. 

I played for a couple of hands, until Rurruka came in the room and I offered her my place in the game. 

I left the room with a round of hugs and goodbyes, and set off through the dimly lit tunnels in search of Pax. 

He had a room very far down, close to where we had our meeting the first night. 

I found him on a cot, reading something on a small, outdated tablet. There was a second cot on the other side of the small stone room. 

“Mara,” he said, sitting up a little straighter. He was in the same clothes he was wearing at the start of the day. His boots sat neatly on the floor at the end of the metal frame. 

“I’m going down for the evening,” I said, fighting a yawn, “Want me to wake you up when we’re headed out?”

“Of course, please do,” Pax replied. 

“Then this will just be goodnight,” I said, walking over to give him a hug. 

“I’ll see you in the morning,” he said. 

***

My barracks room was crowded with people going through their nightly routines. 

I weaved my way through groups drinking, smoking, playing cards, having quiet conversations. 

I found Ren, curled up in the bag, looking like he had actually gone to sleep. His expression was relaxed, lips slightly parted. 

I sat down, unlacing my boots, taking off my jacket. 

Ren shifted, opening his eyes. 

As I climbed into my sleeping bag he reached a hand out, running down my side.

> I don’t know how you’re doing it. You’re treating them like they’re friends.

His voice was mournful in my mind.

> What else am I going to do?
> 
> Rail likes you. They all respect your dedication.

I said.

> We should get to work. 
> 
> I have a spot on the morning security patrol. I’ll wake you up when I leave.

Ren said, and I could feel him gathering himself.

> I just stopped by Pax’s room. I told him that I’ll wake him up in the morning to say goodbye. There’s only one other person in his room. 
> 
> Did you feel the earthquake earlier?

Connected like this, I felt a haze of doubt circling in Ren’s chest. I understood the shape of it.

> We don’t have to do this. 
> 
> We could help them.

I spoke the words that he wasn’t brave enough to say, for fear that if he voiced the possibility, he would lose his nerve.

> Fuck you, Siobhan.

Ren’s hand slid off of me, returning to him as a fist. Anger was surging through him, that feeling, so much more comfortable than doubt. 

I reached behind me and took his hand in mine, not letting him retreat.

Holding onto each other, we made plans to take the base. From the outside, it just looked like we were two lovers falling asleep. 

Our thoughts, memories, and ideas blended together and we came up with a plan to conquer the base.

I would be responsible for capturing Brennan and Pax and contacting Commander Watts for ground support. At the same time, Ren would be subduing the security patrols so the people on the outside of the base couldn’t escape into the mountains or try to fight when our backup arrived. 

In my mind’s eye. I saw his lightsaber, crackling red in his hand.

> You brought your fucking lightsaber with you?

Ren kissed the back of my head. 

With a grumble in my voice, I moved on. 

When I was done contacting the Commander, I’d be responsible for closing off all the tunnels that led away from the base, preventing anyone from escaping the attack.

By that time, our backup should have arrived and we’d help the stormtroopers take the base. 

Ren was _reaching_ for me, trying to understand what was in my heart. 

He couldn’t find a way in. I was too well cloaked. 

I used the connection between us to sink more deeply into the shared space of the Force. We were close to the Darkside - floating above the dark void, empty and full of power.

> I gave up my old base, one with people I actually knew, so that Ymir would take me on as his student. 
> 
> Everything has a price.

I said, my voice was firm with determination.

> It’s a sacrifice.

His voice echoed. 

Ren was devoted. The student, the disciple that I didn’t know how to be.

His emotions were a snarl in his head and heart. 

I heard the screams of the Jedi apprentices that he had killed so long ago. I understood the frenzy that filled him, another apprentice at his side, cutting through their fellow students, setting fire to the buildings. The thrill of destruction surged through me, it felt like freedom. 

Then I saw the mask, a conversation with Leia, where he told her what he had done. I saw how Ren gave up his face and his name.

> And still the Light haunts me…

Ren was summoning a different kind of power to himself.

There was a new sensation, something I had never felt before - warm and bright, like the beginning of a song, or a bell chiming clear and true. 

Ren held something in his hand. My curiosity got the better of me, I _reached_ for it, and in this strange between-space, I held a soft glowing orb in the palm of my hand. 

It was power, but it felt so different, stable and complete. Not demanding and needy, like the Darkside. 

I _pulled_ at the orb, _shaping_ it between my palms.

> Gods, Siobhan, you’re Darkside through and through.

Ren said, with bitter amusement in his tone.

> The Light is to be held and listened to. If it is bent or shaped for a purpose, it becomes corrupted.

I was _stretching_ the orb, and saw a dark spot blooming in the center. As I pulled my palms apart, I watched the darkness spread, filling the space between my hands. I allowed it to drop, drifting into the void beneath us.

Back in the physical world, the world of barracks, sleeping bags, and stone floors. Ren drew his arms around me, pulling me close.

> Lord Ymir has talked about creating a Sith Empire since the beginning. 
> 
> And now I believe it’s possible. 
> 
> Tomorrow, you’ll bring down a mountain.

He kissed the back of my head, drawing inwards, confident in himself and in this mission. 

As I wound my way towards sleep, my thoughts turned to sacrifice. 

Tomorrow, thousands of innocent people would die. They would die because I wanted to carve a place for myself as a Sith. They would die so that Ren could prove that he was loyal to the Darkside. They would die because Ymir wanted to build a weapon strong enough to destroy an entire solar system. 

By the end of the day, our reasons wouldn’t matter.

**III**

I slept well that night, peaceful and dreamless. 

Ren put his hand on my shoulder, waking me up as he left with the morning patrols. 

My mind was humming with determination, only focused on the job ahead. 

I pulled on my jacket and laced up my boots. 

Before Ren left, he kissed me, hard and fierce, with his hand on the back of my skull.

I finished lacing my boots, placing a sheathed knife beside my right ankle. My lightsabers went on my belt, and I secured the blaster to my thigh. My tablet went into a large pocket on the inside of the jacket with the fur collar. I took the rope out of Ren’s kitbag and placed the loop over my shoulder.

By the time I was ready, the morning patrol had cleared out.

I made my way to the comms room. 

This time of early morning, the base was quiet and calm. I strode purposefully down the tunnels and made a sharp left into the room, brushing the dirty canvas aside. 

Brennan turned to me, a friendly smile on his face, removing a headphone from an ear. He must have thought I was coming in to say goodbye. 

With my left hand outstretched, I ran my awareness through his body, _immobilizing_ him. 

His heartbeat skyrocketed, thundering against his ribs. I could feel the adrenaline coursing through his veins, the panic clouding his mind. 

There was fear in his eyes. The same fear that Denna had shown me. 

I _reached_ through his body, yanking him into unconsciousness. He was _captured_ under my power, supported as his head lolled.

I secured his hands behind his back and tied his ankles together. I made a gag out of another piece of rope and a long strip of fabric that I tore from the bottom of his shirt. 

Brennan knew everything about their network. The First Order would want him for questioning. They would want him as a trophy. 

Without wasting a moment, I took his seat on the crate, picked up the headphones and punched in the code for the First Order channel. 

“D471T06,” I recited, “This is Lin Sinang coming from guerrilla Base One. Do you copy?”

A woman’s voice responded, “Madam Siniang, this is Lieutenant Burkan. We read you, over.”

“Kylo Ren and I have begun our assault. There are more than three hundred and fifty souls here and we are requesting back up, over.”

“Our troops are ready. Please provide your coordinates, over.”

I gave her the information, “Kylo Ren and I are both in plainclothes. We can be identified by our lightsabers, make sure your troops are aware of our presence.”

“Yes, madam.”

“I have the coordinates for the entire guerrilla network on this planet. Once they know they’re being attacked, they’ll start running into their tunnels. For this to be successful, you must strike all the bases at the same time. Let me know when you’re ready for those coordinates, I’m going to have to read them out to you, over.”

This was going to take the most time. If I had access to a more sophisticated system, I could send a file or send the numbers directly, but on this ancient set of cobbled together comms boxes I had to take the time to read the information to the Lieutenant.

With the tablet resting on my knee, I read them out as clearly and patiently as I could, then ended the call. 

It was time to take care of Pax. 

I checked Brennan one last time before I left. He was unconscious and well-secured with rope. 

I picked up the tarp from the crate he sat on and threw it on top of him, then moved down the hallways to Pax’s room. 

When I made it to the entrance, I saw that Rail was his roommate, fast asleep on the cot on the far end of the room. His scaly legs were draped over the edge. His feathered chest was evenly rising and falling, his beak gaping open. 

I _reached_ for him, moving him from sleep to unconsciousness. 

I stepped into the room, approaching Pax, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. 

He startled awake, “Oh! Mara…”

“Pax, I need your help with Brennan,” I said, keeping my voice low and urgent, _pushing_ to keep his skepticism at bay, “He collapsed in the comms room.”

He scrambled out of bed, travelling down the tunnels at a pace that left me jogging behind him. 

Pax entered the comms room, looking around in confusion. 

I ran my awareness through his body, watching him freeze. With his back to me, I saw the tendons in his neck stiffen. 

I felt his fear and confusion wash over me like a wave. There was a scrabbling resistance to my power. It wasn’t the Force, it was his will. His determination. 

He didn’t stand a chance. 

Pax dropped towards the floor, unconscious and I _caught_ him before his head could crack against anything. 

I secured him the same way I had with Brennan - his wrists secured behind his back and ankles tightly bound. I also made a gag for him, tearing more fabric from Brennan’s shirt. 

The first stage of the mission was complete. 

Now for the tunnels. 

I had no idea how long it had been since I contacted the Lieutenant. Five minutes? Ten?

The First Order should be here soon. I needed to close the tunnels before people knew what was going on. 

I took a seat on the stone floor, quieting my mind, extending my awareness around me. 

This was the only part of the day that I had been looking forward to.

As I extended my awareness, my energy flooded beyond my body and joined with the living stone of the mountain. I sensed all the branching passages and spaces. I understood the way the stone rested against itself, the natural distribution of weight and pressure. 

From this place of connection, I began to close the tunnels that lead away from the base into the mountain. 

It was a delicate process. I needed to do it without bringing the mountain down on myself. 

While Ren and I had planned this attack, we had discussed just bringing down the mountain and crushing all the people within. 

It was too brutal. I wasn’t willing to do it. 

Today was going to be a slaughter, but at least the people would have the chance to fight for themselves, not be crushed to death in their sleep. 

With steady breaths entering and leaving my lungs, I began to _coax_ the rock into new formations. 

A great rumbling and shaking came from the tunnels deep within the mountain. Dust and grit fell from the stone ceilings. I could hear equipment falling over, smashing against stone. 

I remained in my cross-legged seat on the floor, my palms over my knees. 

The base was waking up. People were beginning to panic, thinking that this was the start of a large quake. 

“Earthquake! Get outside!”

I heard shouts and screams. 

People were flooding into the hallways, pushing their way towards the cave entrance. 

With my awareness extended like this. I could feel everything that was happening. 

I knew that the First Order had just arrived, the ship touching down on the ridge. 

At the edge of my field, I could sense Ren. He was fighting, anger and power coursing through him. 

I brought myself back to the important task, sealing off escape routes. Rocks slid together in new configurations, great boulders rolling into place.

All the tunnels leading away from the base were closed.

Time for battle. 

I got to my feet and stepped outside the comms room. The halls were thick with people. I didn’t hesitate, _drawing_ the stone walls together behind the dirty canvas sheet. I trapped Pax and Brennan inside. 

In their panic, no one noticed what I had done. I was just another face in the crowd. 

From outside came the sound of blasters, screams, and people returning to the cave. 

“We’re under attack!”

The cave entrance was complete chaos. Some people thought they were fleeing an earthquake, pressing to leave, while others were shouting about the stormtroopers marching towards them 

“They’ve found us!”

“Help!”

I waded through the tightly packed bodies, travelling farther down the tunnel, away from the entrance. 

I was deep within the Force, physical sensation, energy, and emotion all blending together. My mind was open to every possibility, every opportunity. 

The first wave of stormtroopers burst through the cave entrance. I could hear the sound of organized blaster fire from the end of the tunnel.

People surged, fleeing down the passages that led into the mountain. 

I held back, waiting for the first wave to die down. My blaster was ready, strapped to my thigh, my lightsabers hung on my belt.

Everything was panic and chaos. The stormtroopers could handle the crowd with their blasters. I wasn’t going to go cutting through the fray. 

I heard the echoing cries as the freedom fighters found that the tunnels were closed, that there was no place for them to escape. 

Blaster fire was raining down on them from behind. 

I leaned against the stone wall for a moment, my breath catching in my throat. 

“Mara!” 

I turned to see Rail, Flip, and Rurruka barrelling down from the far end of the hallway. 

They were armed, ready to join the fight. 

I stepped out from the wall, my blaster in hand, and I activated a lightsaber. I wasn’t going to join their fight against the stormtroopers. It was time to reveal myself. 

“Holy shit, Mara!” Rail shouted. For a moment there was hope in his eyes. 

I shot him in the chest with my blaster. 

The Wookie howled, turning to her fallen comrade. 

Flip wasn’t so sentimental. “You fucking bitch,” he growled, lobbing an armed grenade my way. 

I threw out a hand, _pushing_ the grenade away from me with all my might. 

It returned to Flip and exploded on top of him. 

The Ardennian’s bandolier had another four grenades. They all detonated at once.

The blast sent me flying backwards down the hallway, my lightsaber flying out of my hand. I smashed against a wall, arms wrapped around my head. Stone shrapnel pelted me.

Everything blinked into darkness. 

Stay awake, Siobhan!

Dust filled the space. I was hacking and coughing as I tried to stand. My ears were ringing. My vision was blurry.

The stone was falling from the ceiling, the blast was collapsing the old tunnel.

I jogged away, off balance and half deaf. My lightsaber was farther down the hall, the energy from the kyber crystals searing the rock. I picked the blade up and stared at it in my hand.

Everything felt far away, like I was observing the world from a place outside my body.

I had my lightsaber activated, the only thing that separated me from the guerillas. When I reached the cave entrance, the stormtroopers had cleared out most of the people. The ground was littered with the bodies of the dead and dying. I heard screams and blaster shots echoing down the tunnels in front of me and to my right. 

I slumped against the wall, collecting myself. 

I had to keep going. 

At that moment Ren burst through the cave entrance, his red lightsaber in hand. 

In the crackling glow, I saw that he had a large splatter of blood across his face and more on his shirt. 

“Siobhan!” he called out. 

I stepped towards him, gathering my strength. I was covered in dust from head to toe.

“You closed the tunnels! I felt it!” His eyes were wild from the battle. Focused, and intense, completely in the moment. “What happened?” he asked, seeing the dazed look in my eyes, 

“Flip threw a grenade at me, and I made sure he got it back,” I answered. 

“You’re all right?” Ren demanded, dark eyes fixed on mine. 

I nodded, “The stormtroopers have it handled in here,” I said, “Pax and Brennan are in the comms room. Let’s take them to the ship.”

Ren followed me down the hall. 

I _opened_ the sealed stone and we stepped inside. They were both still unconscious.

Ren hauled Pax onto his shoulder and I did the same with Brennan. 

As we made our way down the hall, a unit of storm troopers approached, a group of prisoners secured behind them. 

The ones in front readied their blasters. I was about to use the Force on them, but Ren had activated his lightsaber. 

“You know who I am!” he roared. He had the red blade raised over his head - Pax draped over his other shoulder. 

Involuntary chills ran down my spine. 

The unit commander halted in his tracks, stunned for a moment. “Kylo Ren!” he saluted. 

The shackled freedom fighters were dumbfounded. 

Two stormtroopers approached us. Ren passed Pax over and I did the same with Brennan. Both men were still out cold. 

People began to scream and curse at us. 

“Traitors!” “Betrayers!” “Monsters!” “Murderers!”

The unit commander held everyone back, allowing Ren and I to pass through the entrance. 

We approached the ship. I began taking longer strides. I was the mission commander and I wasn’t going to let Ren steal my place in front

As we walked, I ran a hand down my face, to clear some of the dust and dirt off, then ran a hand through my hair to smooth it back. 

There were a gaggle of black-uniformed men waiting at the bottom of the ramp, well out of danger. 

They watched us approach with obvious confusion on their faces. 

I was covered in dust. Ren was in filthy utility clothes, his hair wild, blood on his face and shirt. Two stormtroopers walked behind us with bodies draped over their shoulders. 

“Lieutenant Commander Keler, this is Kylo Ren and Lin Siniang,” the stormtrooper called out, his own voice gravelly through the audiofeed of his helmet.

Immediately, the officers snapped to attention, fear in their eyes as they looked between me and Ren. 

The air smelled like smoke and death. 

This was all my doing. 

The Lieutenant Commander moved toward Ren and I stepped forward, intercepting him. 

“I’m Lin Siniang, the commander of this mission,” I said, taking charge.

“Madam Siniang,” the Lieutenant said with a respectful inclination of his head, “Kylo Ren.”

I continued, “Take care with these two. One is the founder of this guerrilla group, and the other is in charge of all their communications.”

One of the officers led the stormtroopers into the ship to, prepare the brig for prisoners. 

“I want to speak with Commander Watts,” I said. 

“Right this way, madam.”

Ren and I followed the officer aboard. 

**IV**

Heads turned as we strode through the halls. 

We couldn’t have looked more out of place on this ship, with its spotless walls and floors. Ren and I were covered in sweat, dirt, and blood, wearing civilian clothes. 

The Lieutenant Commander led the way to the cockpit. I realized this was the same model of ship that had been used in the attack against Base Four. 

We entered the cockpit, the doors were already open for us.

“Captain Vandor, contact Commander Watts,” the Lieutenant Commander ordered. 

“Yes sir,” the captain replied, hands moving over the controls. 

I caught him glancing backwards at us, staring at Ren’s blood-spattered face.

Through the cockpit windows I could see a group of freedom fighters being marched from the cave, connected with chains at their wrists and feet. 

A hologram of Commander Watts popped up from the console in the dashboard. 

“Commander, Kylo Ren and Lin Siniang are here to provide a status update,” the Lieutenant Commander announced. 

I stepped forward. 

“Commander, this is Lin Siniang,” I said, “Base One has been contained. I captured their leader, Pax Chakrei, and Brennan Tico who manages communications for their entire cell. Our stormtroopers are rounding up prisoners as we speak. What’s the status of the other bases?”

“Madam Siniang, your information was invaluable. We deployed our troops to all the coordinates you provided, and ten of the bases have already fallen.”

“Good work, Commander,” I said, a tight knot in my heart. 

“Are there any other operations you plan on seeing to planet-side?”

“No,” I replied, “I’ll be travelling to you on my personal ship. She’s a civilian model, make sure your flight deck is prepared.”

“Yes, Madam Siniang.”

We ended the call. 

When I turned around, Ren was giving me a look, there was pride but also some irritation that I was overshadowing him. 

“Madam Siniang,” the Lieutenant Commander began, “You said you'd be travelling on your personal ship?”

“That’s right,” I said, “I landed at a rendezvous point when we arrived. I know the coordinates.”

“I’ll go with you,” Ren said. 

He had his mask and robes hidden aboard. He was done looking like a scruffy civilian.

“We can take you there as soon as we’ve finished securing the base,” the Lieutenant Commander said with a smart bow. 

I was feeling out of place. It was jarring to be standing in this cockpit, covered in dirt. I could hear occasional blaster fire. I looked over to Ren. The blood on his face was overwhelmingly red. 

“I’ll be outside,” I said, whirling on my heel and striding out of the ship. 

On my way, I passed a unit of stormtroopers lined up to put their captives in the holding cell. 

Gav was part of the group. His expression twisted when he saw me. There was venom in his gaze, “Traitor!” he snarled, spitting in my direction. 

The nearest stormtrooper didn’t hesitate, knocking Gav in the jaw with the butt of his blaster. 

Gav collapsed to his knees, hands trying to move to his injured flesh, but they caught in the chain that ran through his cuffs.

The people in the group, twenty or so, were reacting angrily, protesting, or shrinking in fear. The stormtroopers were at the ready - the one who had attacked Gav brought his foot back to kick the man as he knelt on the ground. 

“Stop,” I ordered, my voice hard. 

The stormtroopers froze. The freedom fighters were looking to me. 

I approached Gav. He flinched and moved away from me, but I put an arm around him and helped him to his feet. The chains connecting him to the other prisoners rattled across the metal floors. 

“You’re right,” I said, looking him in the eyes. There was blood in his beard, and a red lump swelling where he had been hit, “I am a traitor, but there’s nothing you can do about that now.”

My words were met with a tense and fearful silence. I left the ship. 

I marched down the ramp and onto the gravel path, taking in the damage I had caused. 

A thin haze of blaster residue hung in the air. I could hear shouts, the sounds of armored feet moving over the rocks. 

I reached into the front pocket of my jacket. There were a couple of rolled smokes inside, half-crushed. I pulled one out, lit the end, and pulled smoke into my lungs. 

My boots crunched over the loose stones on the path and I took in the destruction. I watched the units of stormtroopers, hustling in columns, transporting prisoners, their blasters at the ready in their hands. 

I remembered what it felt like to have stormtroopers milling around outside of my home. Those moments of shrinking terror, knowing that we could be killed at any moment.

The dead lay where they had fallen. No one was making any attempt to clean up. 

The memory of the grassland flooded my mind. I remembered sitting in the red sand dunes, looking out over the horizon as it burned, the four green kyber crystals wrapped tightly in my palm. 

I had killed people before - killed civilians before - but this felt different. 

I had made these people trust me, then I had destroyed them. 

I crouched at the edge of the path, surveying my work, the little roll of t’bac between my fingers. When I exhaled, I watched the way the smoke drifted out of my body and dispersed into the wind. 

I had almost finished my second smoke when Ren approached.

“We’re getting ready to leave,” he said. His voice was surprisingly gentle. 

The battle frenzy had worn off. The blood was wiped from his face, but splatters of it still decorated his shirt, fading into a rusty color as it dried. 

“There isn’t any way for us to twist this around, where we’re the good guys, is there?” I said. I sounded distant to my own ears. I kept my eyes fixed on the cave entrance, the last of the stormtroopers were marching out. 

“No,” Ren replied, his head tilting and eyes narrowing, trying to figure out what I meant. 

I sighed and rose from my crouch. Blood rushing to my head. “Want the rest of this?” I asked, offering the last centimeters of my smoke. 

Ren shook his head. 

I threw the stub, still lit, into the forest and walked with Ren into the ship.

All of this, just so Ymir could build a superweapon. 

All of this, just so I could establish my place in the First Order. 

**IV**

We returned to the cockpit. Exhaustion was rolling over me, settling into my bones. I gave the pilots the coordinates for Rosie and I took a seat near a console array, staring out the windows. 

There were columns of smoke rising from other mountain ranges. 

I _reached_ out, closing my eyes, feeling all the pain and fear and suffering. 

Ren came to my side, putting a hand on my shoulder. 

We did this…

It was only a few minutes before we reached the cave where I had hidden Rosie. 

This ship was too large to take us all the way inside. The pilots took us down to a wide ledge. 

Ren and I walked down the ramp together and scrambled down the side of the rock face. 

My arms and legs were shaking. I didn’t want Ren to notice. 

The entrance to the cave was pitch black. We stepped forward, our awareness filling in for our eyes. 

I unlocked my ship and headed inside, turning on the lights in the cargo bay. 

Ren stood at the top of the ramp, staring at me, “We did this, together.” There was a grim kind of hope in his dark eyes. 

I met his gaze. “We did,” I echoed. 

Everything had a price. 

Ren approached, kissing me. His hands were strong around my hips. 

I returned the kiss, staving off the hurt and loneliness burrowing inside of my chest. “Don’t pretend to be nice,” I teased as our lips parted, ”I know you’re only here to get your mask.” 

“I wouldn’t go on ahead without you. We did this mission together,” Ren said, “I am going to change clothes. If you’re willing to wait, I’ll pilot us.”

I shook my head, a genuine smile pulling at my lips, “I’ll pilot. Go freshen up.”

Ren kissed me one more time, before picking up the toolkit from the workstation in the cargo bay. His robes and mask should still be hidden inside the pipe in the ceiling.

We walked through the blessedly familiar hallway. I returned to the cockpit, warming up the engines, while Ren continued on to his quarters. 

I configured my ship to her First Order signature and put music on. I wasn’t ready for silence.

Everything was ready. I took Rosie out of the cave. 

This time, I didn’t need to hide. I was blazing a First Order signal, but I left my comms open in case someone decided to challenge my strange, little ship. 

TIE fighter squadrons swarmed in formation across the planet. They left me alone.

I skimmed across the surface for a while, instead of heading immediately for the Star Destroyer. I needed to see the destruction for myself. 

I took Rosie over the mountain range. The smoke rising from the bases smeared in the wind, joining with the heavy, gray clouds overhead. 

I wondered what the people in the mines thought about this, if they understood what was happening. 

Pax and Brennan would be interrogated. The First Order would find their moles. Their whole operation would come undone. 

Ren entered the cockpit, pausing as he looked out the windows, realizing that I hadn’t taken Rosie up through atmosphere yet. 

He stepped forward, taking a seat in the co-pilot’s chair. He was dressed in his robes, his mask tucked under his arm. He hadn’t taken the time to shave or wash his hair. 

“Siobhan…?” he asked, looking at me with concern. It was good to hear my name again. 

“I needed to see it for myself,” I said. 

“The Galaxy has three Sith, for the first time in millenia,” Ren said, “Nothing can stop us.”

We cruised along the surface for a few more minutes, watching the evidence of the carnage. Then I took Rosie up, the planet shrinking beneath us. 

When we were in open space, Ren put a gentle hand on my forearm, “Take some time to get ready. I’ll pilot us to the Star Destroyer.”

I let him take my place in the captain’s seat. 

My mind was reeling as I walked to my quarters. 

Inside, I pulled off my clothes, smelling of sweat and smoke, and dropped them on the floor. Next, I wet a rag in the sink and ran the cloth over my skin, starting with my face. It was something. I didn’t want to take the time for a shower.

There were fresh utility clothes in my locker. I shook out my hair, watching dust particles floating in the dim light. 

Everything was so damn quiet. 

With new clothes on and my hair in a braid, I returned to the cockpit. 

Ren had stalled our approach, cruising around in open space while I got ready. His mask was on and his hood was pulled up. 

“Thanks for waiting,” I said. 

I took the co-pilot’s seat and let him take us into the hangar. 

A gaggle of officers were assembled inside. A military welcome party. 

The crew snapped to attention as we exited, and Commander Watts strode forward. 

“Congratulations on the mission,” he said. His voice was warm, but he kept his expression in check. 

“Commander Watts, a pleasure to finally meet you in person,” I said mimicking his warm tone, firmly shaking his hand. 

He was jowly and balding, like most of the officers I had met before.

“Madam Siniang, the pleasure is mine,” he said, “Kylo Ren,” his greeting and handshake were more reserved and fearful. 

The Commander turned back to me. It looked like he already knew that I was the mission commander, “Lieutenant Commander Keler has arrived. We’ve locked Pax Chakrei and Brennan Tico in the brig. Would you like them moved to an interrogation room?”

My head was spinning. He expected us to interrogate them today?

“Leave them in the brig for now. I’d like to speak with Ymir and let him know of our success,” I said, maintaining my calm confidence. 

“Yes, Madam, follow me.”

We made our way from the hangar to the bridge. I was getting familiar with the layout of Star Destroyers. 

“How many of their bases have we eliminated?” Ren asked. His voice had that familiar, gravelly tone as it was filtered through the audiofeed. 

“Our last count was twenty-eight of the thirty bases Madam Siniang reported to us,” the Commander answered. 

We headed down the final stretch of hallway to the bridge. The stormtroopers guarding the bay doors opened them for us.

“Lieutenant Burkan, contact Lord Ymir,” the Commander barked as we entered the bridge. 

“Yes sir!” a woman replied. She sounded like the woman I had spoken with at the start of the day. 

A projection of Ymir materialized, standing on the bridge - life sized, his features outlined in electric-blue lines. 

“Lord Ymir,” Ren greeted with a short bow, his hand on his chest in deference. 

Ymir had a fierce smile on his face, hands on his hips, “My apprentices,” he said, “I want to hear the mission report.”

“We just arrived on the Star Destroyer,” I said, “I captured Pax and Brennan, we’ll be interrogating them shortly. Commander Watts just told us that his squadrons have captured nearly all of the bases.”

I turned to the Commander, to let him have a moment to shine. “Lord Ymir,” he said with a bow, “We’ll be putting our numbers together and can send them to you soon. The reports I’ve read show that this was an overwhelming victory, with no damage to the fleet and minimal troop losses.”

“Excellent,” Ymir said. He turned his attention, “Kylo Ren, I’ll be conducting separate debriefs with you and Lin Siniang. Contact me once you’re done with the interrogations.”

“Yes, Lord Ymir.”

Ymir turned to me, “Lin, I’m proud of your work. I look forward to speaking with you later today.”

I nodded, my expression contained. 

Our call ended. 

The Commander turned to us, “Madam Siniang, Kylo Ren, we have your quarters prepared. Do you need anything at all?”

I wanted to drink an entire bottle of whiskey and sleep for three days, but that wasn’t an option right now. 

“I don’t,” I said, “We should start on the interrogations.”

Ren looked at me before replying, “I’m ready. Have the prisoners sent to the interrogation rooms.”

“No,” I said. My voice was firm. “I’ll go down to the brig and walk with them. You can send some officers with us for security.”

“Yes, Madam,” Commander Watts said, “Lieutenant Dobbs, Lieutenant Wallace, please accompany Madam Siniang and Kylo Ren to the brig. Be prepared to record any information they extract from the prisoners.”

I remembered the officer that had accompanied Ren when I was being held for interrogation. It felt like it had happened so long ago. 

“Yes sir,” the officers said in unison, rising from their consoles. 

Ren and I left the bridge, striding behind them. 

Lieutenant Dobbs was a man around our age. He was handsome, with tan skin, a strong jawline, and hazel eyes. 

Lieutenant Wallace was a harsh woman. There was bitterness in her eyes. Her movements were stiff. She had clawed her way into this position and needed everyone to know how tough she was. 

The ship hummed with precision and efficiency, with troops and officers moving smoothly through their tightly scheduled routines. 

We took an elevator down, and entered the stretch of hallways leading to the brig. We were close to the very bottom of the ship. 

“I can handle the interrogations. You can go rest,” Ren said, keeping his voice down, raspy through the feed. 

“I’ll talk to Brennan, you can have Pax,” I said, my tone icy and sharp, “Just remember to keep it in your pants this time, okay?”

“Siobhan…” Ren growled. I could hear the tightness in his jaw. 

I grinned to myself. 

It was loud inside the brig. There were two large cells for general population. The front wall was a clear forcefield, so the guards could watch everything happening inside. 

The freedom fighters began a chorus of curses and shouts as Ren and I entered. 

“Betrayers!” “Murderers!” “Fuck you!” “Liars!”

Ren had wanted Pax and Brennan brought to the interrogation rooms ahead of time. He didn’t want to go down to the brig himself. 

The freedom fighters' words didn’t hurt me. I wasn’t going to hide from them. 

We strode past the large holding cells, then down a narrow hall to the smaller, individual ones. 

The officers ordered four stormtroopers to help transport the two prisoners up to the interrogation rooms. 

Our first stop was Pax’s cell. The male lieutenant opened the door. I stepped inside.

Pax looked my way. I had never felt so much hate before, shining and clear, “You fucking cunt,” he snarled, and spat at my feet. 

The officer stepped forward, but I held up a hand. 

Pax was shackled at his hands and feet. There was nothing he could do to me. 

I motioned for the two stormtroopers to enter. They picked him up by his armpits. He struggled, resisting their grip. 

“Don’t rough him up,” I ordered. 

“You lied to us!” Pax roared, spit flying from his lips, “I demand to know who you are!”

“That’s why I’m here,” I said calmly, “I owe you that much.”

Pax’s movements slowed, staring at me in surprise. 

“I’m a Sith. My name is Siobhan Zhang,” I continued, and turned towards Ren, standing behind me in the hallway, “I’m sure you recognize Kay now.”

Kylo Ren - the only man who was more recognizable wearing a hood and a mask.

“Ben Solo!” Pax sneered, lips twisting, “You’re a traitor to the core!”

I could feel Ren’s anger surging behind me, and the officers’ responding nervousness. They didn’t understand what I was doing, why I needed to do this. 

I respected Pax. Him and his people were strong. They just weren’t stronger than the First Order. 

The male officer led the way as the two stormtroopers carried Pax through the hallway. He fought every step of the way. 

Ren stayed behind for a moment, glaring at me. “We’re going to talk about this,” he said, before following the small group up the hall. 

I continued forward to the next cell. 

Sound erupted from behind me as Pax passed the fighters in the large cells. They watched their leader being dragged away by two stormtroopers and Kylo Ren. 

Pax kept struggling, giving them one last show of strength and bravery. 

The female lieutenant opened the door to Brennan’s cell. 

He was seated on the bench. He looked up at me as the door slid open. There were paths of tears streaking through the dirt on his cheeks. 

“You’re here to question me,” he said. 

“I am,” I answered. 

Brennan sat still, knowing that it was useless to fight - his shoulders sloping, eyes fixed on the ground. His belly was bare where I had torn his shirt.

I stayed planted in the doorway, keeping the stormtroopers behind me. 

“I won’t use force unless I have to. Will you walk with me?”

“Yes,” Brennan said, not looking up. He slowly rose to his feet.

I turned so he could exit. 

He shuffled out of the cell, chains rattling. 

I walked at his side past the prisoners. The stormtroopers and female officer trailed us. 

“Bitch!” “Cunt!” “Monster!”

We left the brig. The interrogation rooms were just up the hall. The stormtroopers escorted us. 

I had immediately disliked Lieutenant Wallace, and my feelings towards her only solidified on our short walk. She tried to impress me by shoving Brennan roughly from behind.

“Hurry up Rebel!” she commanded. 

I gave her a look. She met my eyes and backed down, clearly confused. 

We entered the interrogation room and I dismissed the stormtroopers. 

There was a familiar metal chair, identical to the one that I had woken up in after I was captured.

At the back of the room was a metal bench. Two chairs were stacked in a corner next to it.

I motioned towards the bench. “You can take a seat there,” I told Brennan. 

The Lieutenant took a post by the door, a tablet emerging from an interior pocket of her uniform jacket. 

“I’d rather stand for now,” Brennan said. His shoulders slumped. He was so exposed and alone in this room. 

The Lieutenant was immediately striding forward, an angry expression on her face, “Madam Siniang ordered you to sit,” she barked. 

“That’s enough!” I said. 

The woman stopped and turned to me. 

“You’re dismissed,” I told her.

She froze, a tremor running through her, “But madam...the prisoner…”

I fixed her with a look, “You can fuck off. Right now.” 

She flinched. Everyone knew about Ren’s temper. She didn’t want to see how I would react if she angered me. 

“Yes, Madam,” she said with a bow, and left the room. 

Brennan and I were alone. 

He stared at me, his sadness turning his muscles to stone. 

I stretched a hand out and _unlocked_ the cuffs. They dropped to the ground. 

There was nothing Brennan could do to me. I was stronger than him. I still had my two lightsabers hooked on my belt, and my blaster strapped to my thigh. 

We looked at each other in silence for several long moments. 

I waited, letting Brennan gather himself. 

“Who are you?” he finally asked. 

“I’m Siobhan Zhang. I’m training as a Sith with Ymir. Your operation caught his attention, and I told him I would take care of it.”

Brennan was shaking his head, taking in my words, “The Resistance never even knew we existed…” he murmured, “...who was the other one? The man you brought?”

“That was Kylo Ren.”

Fresh tears were streaming down Brennan’s cheeks, and his knees were giving way. “I should sit…” he said, his voice soft and hollow. 

I helped him onto the metal bench at the back of the room. I _lifted_ a chair over to myself so I could sit across from him. 

“I don’t plan to hurt you,” I said firmly, “But I need the information about your spies. We can just have a conversation.”

Brennan was looking at the ground, his mouth in a deep frown, “I’m not going to give them up,” he said, “You do what you need to.”

He knew that he was trapped. He knew that I could reach into his mind. 

“Okay,” I said. 

I took the tablet out of my jacket and rested it on my knee. I unlocked the device, set it to record, then held out a hand close to Brennan’s temple. 

I had never reached into the mind of someone who didn’t have a connection to the Force. 

He was defenseless. All of his memories, thoughts, and emotions were at my fingertips. I rode the waves of sensation.

> Show me your comrades in the mines.

There was hate in Brennan’s heart, and I felt it rising as I sifted through his mind. He hated me. He hated being helpless. He felt that he was betraying his people by not being strong enough to stop me.

> It’s not your fault. There’s nothing you can do.

His memories rushed behind my eyelids. Moments came with all the associations. I found myself getting pulled away on tangents. Seeing more than I meant to. 

When I found the information about a spy, I also had Brennan’s impression of them, how they met, how he felt about them. 

I took a breath, centering myself. The names and details began to come to me in a more focused way. I spoke the information out loud for the recording tablet. I was able to provide nicknames, physical descriptions. Everything the First Order would need to find them.

Brennan was still trying to hold out on me. 

The last contact was his father, an old, wiry man with a shock of iron hair, just starting to go white. 

“Roy Tico, sixty or so years old, wiry build. He works in Mine 11…”

The memory of his father led deeper. 

I watched two young girls playing in a lake, laughing, sweeping their arms across the surface to splash each other. I felt their names, Paige and Rose. Brennan hadn’t seen them for three years, they’d be teenagers now. They were helping their father, hiding the supplies that he snuck out of the mine to the freedom fighters. 

“Please, not my sisters…” Brennan whimpered. 

My eyes fluttered open, and I stopped the recording with a press of a finger. 

Brennan was weeping, throat tight, fists clenching. 

“All right,” I said. I deleted the last several seconds of the recording, including his father’s name, “I’ll keep it out.” 

He gazed at me, overwhelmed. 

Tears were falling down my own cheeks in response. 

Brennan would die - possibly today, I didn’t know - but the rest of his family might be able to survive.

“That’s all I can do for you,” I said, putting the tablet inside of my jacket. 

I wiped at my cheeks with my sleeves. 

I returned Brennan to his cell without his restraints or a stormtrooper escort. 

As I left the brig, Pax was being brought in on a levitating stretcher. There was a gash on his temple, and blood was soaking into his tightly-coiled hair. His eyes were closed, mouth slack. 

He was still alive, but barely. 

Ren had tortured him. 

I had to take a break. I tucked myself in the shadowy space behind an open bay door. My stomach twisted and churned. I crossed my arms over my chest.

What had I done?

***

I spent some time in the halls - walking, collecting myself, avoiding other people as much as possible. 

The reality of the day was settling onto me. 

As my adrenaline and combat high receded, other emotions came flooding in. The little worm of darkness in my heart felt larger and heavier now.

I remembered Ymir’s words, "I’m fascinated to see the kind of Sith you will become." 

I walked the halls, craving loneliness, and knowing that I couldn’t stand to be by myself. 

I _reached_ for Ren, confident that I could find him on the ship. 

He was on officer’s row, just one floor down from the bridge. I assumed that someone had prepared a separate set of quarters for me, but I wasn’t going to sit in a metal room all alone, not after a day like this. 

I made my way up through the ship.

I _opened_ the door and stepped inside Ren’s quarters. 

There was the sound of running water coming from the bathroom. 

“It’s me!” I called. 

Ren looked around the doorway. 

He had showered. His hair was wet. He had a towel slung low around his waist. 

I had caught him as he was finishing shaving. There was a patch of white foam on the side of his face. He held a straight razor in his hand. 

The normalcy was jarring. 

“Siobhan, where were you?” Ren asked, his eyes narrowing in concern. 

I smiled, forcing some of my usual life into my expression, “I was really liking the beard,” I said, taking a seat on the edge of his bed. 

Ren sighed and shook his head, returning to the bathroom mirror to finish. 

Yesterday, he was all bent out of shape over our mission. Today, he had just finished torturing someone, and now he was giving himself a shave. 

“Did you get everything we needed from Pax?” I called out. 

“I did,” Ren answered, “How was the interrogation with Brennan?”

“Easy,” I replied, walking over to the open doorway to the bathroom, “I’ve been inside the mind of someone who can’t use the Force. He couldn’t defend himself.”

Ren glanced over at me, finishing the last, smooth line of the razor down his cheek. 

“I didn’t need to use a scary chair. I even took his restraints off. I was able to pluck every memory out of his mind. I didn’t need to torture him...”

Ren’s mouth was tightening. He splashed his face and grabbed a towel from the counter, patting his cheeks. “Are you talking about what I did to you?” he asked, turning towards me. 

“Why was Pax bleeding?” I demanded, “There was a gash in his head!”

“He resisted,” Ren said, bluntly, showing no emotion on his face. 

I glared at him, crossing my arms over my chest. 

“What was all that about in the brig?” Ren asked, his own anger rising, “Why the big show?”

“I wanted them to see us, to know who we really were.”

Ren sneered, “They’ll be dead by tomorrow. What does it matter?”

The fucking coldness in his voice. It made me want to hit him.

It was easier being angry than it was to feel the sadness in my chest. But I wasn’t going to keep escalating. I could make Ren fight me, and a part of me wanted that, but I was so close to wrapping up this mission. As good as it might feel, starting a fight wouldn’t help me. 

“I respect them,” I bristled, “They deserved to know the truth before they die.”

Ren paused, watching me, “You identify with them. You felt close to them.”

“Yes,” I said bitterly, tears streaming from my eyes, “When I was in Brennan’s memories, I saw his family, from when he was a child.”

There were other ways for his father and sisters to be caught, but I wasn’t going to be the one to rat them out. In the face of what I had already done, it was nothing. But to Brennan, it would be everything. 

“It’s like that, the first time you look into someone’s memories, when they can’t hide anything,” Ren said, expression softening. 

He thought I was all riled up from the interrogation. He didn’t understand why I was actually upset.

“I saw his childhood. I saw how he grew up,” I continued, allowing my tears to flow freely down my face. 

Let Ren think what he wanted to think.

He came over, pulling me to him. His skin was still warm from the shower, even in this sterile room. 

“That’s why I offered to do the interrogation,” he said, comforting me, “It’s a lot when you aren’t trained. Especially after a battle, it’s easy to get carried away in someone’s experience.”

I hugged him back, my ear against his chest, “I don’t want to do a long debrief with Ymir. Let’s just call him from here. He can find another time to talk with us on his own.”

Ren kissed the top of my head, “I’ll get dressed.”

While Ren pulled on his layers of clothes, I uploaded the audio file of my interrogation, sending it to the bridge. 

We contacted Ymir from a holo projector in the sitting area. 

“I was expecting you to call separately,” he said, looking at us sitting on a sofa, thighs touching. Ren’s mask sat beside him, resting on top of the cushion.

“I’m done for the day,” I said, letting him hear the exhaustion in my voice. 

Ymir gave me a wry smile, “The numbers that Commander Watts sent over are very impressive. How were the interrogations?”

“They went smoothly,” Ren said, before I could respond, “Siobhan questioned Brennan and I took Pax. We have the information on all their spies.”

He didn’t tell Ymir that I had just been crying in his room. It looked like he wasn’t going to point out my weakness.

“I appreciate your speed on this mission. Vice Admiral Hux and Commander Watts worked together for years against those guerillas without any meaningful progress. In just three days, you and Ren dismantled the entire cell,” Ymir said proudly. 

“Thank you, Lord Ymir,” Ren said. 

I sat silently, watching Ymir on the monitor. 

For the first time in a long time, I truly wanted to kill him. 

“Siobhan, for leading such a successful mission, I’m putting two thousand credits in your account. I would appreciate seeing you in a new ship after this.”

I made a curling smile, “We’ll see about that.”

“Kylo Ren, you’ll be receiving a bonus as well. I’ll talk to you about it when we meet for your next assignment.”

“Should we leave for Starkiller Base?” Ren asked. 

Ymir gave us a nonchalant look, smiling to himself, “You finished your mission earlier than I anticipated. I’ll be on Starkiller Base four days from now. You can meet me then.”

We didn’t have any orders for the next four days. 

It was shore leave. He was granting us shore leave. 

“Uh, yes, Lord Ymir,” Ren said, not sure what to do with the lack of clear orders. 

“I want to talk to Ekene. I want to tell him the news myself,” I said, butting in. 

“I gave him the update, but I’m sure he’d be happy to hear from you,” Ymir said, “I’ll send you his code. Congratulations, both of you. I’ll see you on Starkiller Base.”

Ymir ended the conversation. 

I flopped backwards onto the couch. That conversation had drained the last of my strength. 

“You really are done,” Ren said. 

He stood up, scooping me into his arms. I shouted in surprise, wriggling and protesting as he began to carry me. 

“Where shall I take you?” he asked, with a playful grin. 

“The shower!” I said, my arms around his neck, letting him be affectionate. I didn’t need to do anymore fighting today. 

“Not the bed?” 

“You cleaned up. I haven’t.”

Ren kissed me and took me to the shower. 

I dropped my clothes and weapons in a pile outside and stepped into the stall. I turned the water on as hot as it would go, and took a seat on the smooth, metal floor. 

I sat and breathed, letting the water rush over me, letting the world fall away. 

I had just done the most terrible thing of my whole life, and I was being praised and paid handsomely for it.

Beneath me, on this very ship, Pax, Brennan, and the rest of the freedom fighters were going to be executed - and Ymir was giving me a holiday. 

My thoughts circled and floated with the steam in the air. 

Ren left me alone. 

Four days until Starkiller Base. 

I would go to Artrix. 

I was going to see Ahobri, and, with Ren at my side, nothing would look suspicious. 

I needed to reconnect with Jukhara. After my conversation with Ekene tomorrow, I felt that I could offer her a deal.

Snoke’s veiled suggestion was still on my mind. He and Raj would both be on Starkiller Base. I was too tired to puzzle through that mystery. 

When my thoughts were still, I turned off the water and left the shower. Ren had set a towel out for me. 

I dried myself off and stepped into the bedroom with the towel draped around my shoulders. 

Ren was in bed, propped up on pillows, reading something on a tablet. “Come here,” he said. 

I joined him, letting my towel drop to the floor. 

We kissed for some time, but I was exhausted. Sleep was creeping over me as I closed my eyes. 

With our bodies close and warm together, I drifted off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're cruising in towards the end of Book Two. We got a few chapters left before wrapping up this arc. 
> 
> Thanks for following this story. This was a very challenging chapter, for a lot of different reasons. 
> 
> I've always wanted to see a story from the perspective of a Sith (the prequels didn't do it for me), and really get into what it means to be part of a military that is trying to conquer the Galaxy. 
> 
> As always, thanks so much for reading and I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments!


	15. The Outpost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Siobhan is reeling after her first real mission as a Sith. She’s left grappling with herself- knowing that what she did was wrong, but being praised by Lord Ymir and Kylo Ren for the successful attack against the freedom fighters. 
> 
> She and Ren have been granted four days off and a handsome bonus. 
> 
> Siobhan makes plans to visit Artrix, where most of her friends live and work. She needs to reconnect with her old life and reconcile her actions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buckle up folks. I’ve been really looking forward to posting this chapter. We’re finally going to see Siobhan in her element, going through her old stomping grounds. 
> 
> A lot has changed for her, and we’ll explore that as she reconnects with her friends and mentors who have no idea that she is a Sith, working directly under the leaders of the First Order.
> 
> Also, there is a lot of emotional stuff in this chapter, but also a lot of fluff and smut. Enjoy! :)

**I**

Ren’s hands were moving down my side - my ribs, my waist, sliding over my hip.

I slowly blinked awake, a smile pulling at my lips. I stayed where I was, gazing at the dark metal wall, enjoying the soft touch.

Ren was spooning me, propped up on his side. He leaned in close, nuzzling at my neck. 

“Are you awake?” he asked, his voice low, rumbling in his chest. 

I made a light sigh in response, “Getting there…” I murmured. 

I rolled onto my back. Ren was looking at me. There was hunger in his dark eyes. 

The memory of him with blood on his face flashed in my mind. I let the image rise and fade. My hands weren’t clean either. We were both killers. 

Ren couldn’t see those thoughts. His hands were running along my chest - fingertips brushing down my sternum between my breasts, moving to my low belly before tracing the shape of my ribs. 

He was taking his time, purposefully ignoring my breasts. He didn’t bring his hand between my legs. 

My body was responding, slow heat building. 

I closed my eyes, taking in the gentle sensations. My nipples were stiff. I felt myself getting wet, wanting to feel pressure. 

Ren hummed in approval, sitting more upright, his fingertips tracing over the fronts of my thighs. 

“I want to see how your back is healing,” he said. 

Slowly, I rolled onto my belly. Ren straddled my hips, sitting on top of me, letting his weight press me into the bed. 

I made a small moan, rolling my hips, appreciating the feeling. 

I craned my neck around. Ren’s cock was hard, jutting forward. 

His fingertips traced along the patterns of faded bruises and healing welts he had left. 

One week. With everything that had happened, it had only been a week since we were in Snoke’s palace - the two Sith acolytes, reunited. 

Ren leaned forward, kissing my shoulders, kissing my neck. Goosebumps travelled across my body. He began to use his teeth, still so gentle with me. 

I felt his teeth on the very back of my neck and I moaned, “Ren…”

He began to explore my body. He climbed off, but left a hand on my low back; so I stayed in place. 

My legs were slightly parted and I felt his fingertips tracing along my inner thighs. He grazed my inner lips, brushing across my hair. 

I began to roll my hips forward. I was hot. I needed more. He stopped me with a hand. 

“Not yet. Be patient.”

“Ren...please…” I panted. 

He slowly teased me, letting anticipation build. His hands warmed me up. I appreciated the softness, after so much violence. 

Finally, Ren gave me the attention I wanted. His fingers slipped between my wet inner lips, and he began to fill me with steady, deliberate motions. 

I let out a low, aching cry, pushing myself against him. 

He put his hand on my ass, “Not yet.”

I let him take control. He knew exactly what he wanted to do to me. I was turned on. I wanted it. I needed the peace and slowness. 

Ren pumped his fingers inside me.

Finally, he gave himself over to his desires. 

He had me stay on my belly, hips flat against the mattress. Ren drew my legs far apart and knelt between them. He leaned over me, a hand and muscular forearm near my face. 

I felt him positioning his cock, running his head between my lips, getting himself wet. One final tease. 

He sank into me with a groan. 

I cried out and arched my hips, a wave of sensation tightening my muscles in a wave - moving from my toes to my scalp. 

Ren fucked me steadily, placing a hand on my shoulder, pushing me into the bed with his weight. 

I gasped and wriggled beneath him, my hair in my face, body twisting with pleasure as he used me. 

When he was done with that position, Ren turned me onto my back, my legs wrapped around his hips, cock filling me. 

I expected him to start pounding me, gentleness giving way to thrusts, but he didn’t. 

Ren curled me forward, finding the places inside me that left me crying out, my arms tight around his neck. 

He was gasping as I squeezed him, his mouth open. 

We fucked - steady and slow as honey. I was incredibly wet, slick between my legs. I was surrendering, opening up to him. 

Ren was _reaching_ for me, wanting to share that place of deep connection as our bodies joined. 

I let him in. 

During our mission, we had seen the most vicious sides of one another - this was a chance to wipe the slate clean. 

Ren fucked me, stoking my pleasure. My arms draped around his neck, gasps and cries worked their way through my body. He was reigning himself in, enjoying the control. 

I was getting close. A wave was churning inside of me. 

In this place of connection, he could feel it. 

There was perfect tension between us. My moans and cries, my surrender to him, almost had him over the edge. He wanted to spill into me. He wanted to fill me up, but not yet. 

He thrust in steady, perfect strokes. 

My mind was turning into mush, fuzzy at the back of my skull.

> Look at me Siobhan. I need to see you.

I could feel his entire length, the way he stretched me, how deep he went inside. I was curled in a way where he reached the end of me each time. 

He kept himself contained through my shuddering. In the throes of it, I bit him my teeth against his shoulder. 

There was an entire minute where I knew my orgasm was inevitable, that there was nothing else I needed but steady rhythm of his cock. 

My eyes were locked on his, my breath short in regular bursts, “Ren...Kylo...Ren...you...you…!” 

I felt my forearms against his shoulders, my intertwined fingers behind his neck. His long hair brushed across my hands. 

Ren’s dark eyes were boring into me as he felt the wave swell, crest, and break inside of me. 

“Ren!” I howled. 

My thighs gripped him, all my muscles clenched, my eyes were squeezing shut, my back teeth clenching. 

Ren was bucking against me, finally releasing control and letting himself go. 

“Siobhan!” he cried, and I felt him throbbing inside of me. 

We clutched each other, muscles tight, foreheads pressing, our breath coming in hot bursts. 

Our bodies melted as we relaxed. Ren collapsed on top of me, warm and heavy. 

I laughed as his hair tickled the side of my face. 

Yesterday we had both been so cold. It felt good to have a moment of togetherness. 

Eventually, Ren pushed himself off to the side, propping himself up on an elbow. His fingertips traced a lazy path between my sternum and my low belly. His gaze was quiet and thoughtful. 

I wondered if Pax, Brennan, or any of the freedom fighters were still alive. 

I couldn’t bring myself to _reach_ for them. 

Yesterday, I had crossed a line. 

Leading up to the battle, it had been so easy to think of it as any other mission. I understood the mechanics of it. I understood what I would need to do. 

Carrying out those actions had felt so different. 

I remembered Brennan’s tear-stained face in the interrogation room. I could picture his sisters as if they were my own family…

It was done. There was no going back. 

There were two thousand credits in my account, and Ymir had given us four days to do whatever we wanted. 

I could be with Ahobri in twelve hours. 

Above me, Ren was still tracing his fingertips across my skin. 

“Gods...you are so beautiful,” Ren said, his voice barely more than a whisper. 

I propped myself up on my forearms, kissing him. 

We spent an hour in bed, being easy with one another. A service droid brought us food. 

Ren dressed in training fatigues. 

“Where are you going?” I asked as he pulled clothes on. 

I was still lounging in bed, the plate on top of the sheets, picking at my breakfast. 

“I’m going to train,” Ren said, taking a seat on the edge of the bed to lace up his boots, “Do you want to leave for Starkiller Base afterwards?”

He was so damn obedient. I looked at him with a playful smile, “You realize we’re on shore leave, right?” 

Ren gave me a funny look, eyebrows drawing together, “What are you talking about?”

“Ymir won’t be on that base for four days. We don’t have any orders until then,” I said, spelling it out for him, “I just got paid…” 

“Siobhan, we’re not grunts. We don’t get shore leave,” Ren explained to me. 

I was ready, “That’s why he didn’t call it that,” I countered, “But we don’t have any explicit orders for the next few days. I was thinking we could get out and have some fun.”

Now Ren gave me a skeptical look, his mouth turning into a frown, an eyebrow arching, “What’s your idea of fun?”

I flashed a grin, “There’s a little spot on Artrix that I like to go to when I have some extra time and credits. What do you and your Knights get up to after a mission?”

Ren just stared at me blankly. 

I gave him a quick kiss, tamping down my smile, “They really keep you under lock and key, don’t they?” I said with a shrug, “Artrix is great. Let me show you a good time for a few days.”

“Why does that sound like a threat?” Ren said, beginning to smile. 

“Because you’re not used to having fun.”

Ren sighed and rolled his eyes at me, standing up, “I’ll think about it.”

I turned onto my back, reaching for his hand. I watched his attention shift to my tits. 

“You’ll like Artrix. I promise,” I said. 

Artrix was a moon the size of a small planet, orbiting Zeltros. She was a waystation, a port and cultural hub. I lived there for three years, while I worked at the Outpost, and I still considered it my home. The place was bursting with life and things to do. I would dump a few girls in Ren’s lap and then catch up with Ahobri. Nothing to it. 

Ren was fighting a smile. He squeezed my hand. 

“I’m going to train. We should meet with Commander Watts afterwards and finish our mission debrief.”

This was the First Order, there were always more formalities and checklists. 

“Okay,” I sighed, “I’ll get ready while you’re out.”

I wanted Ren to go on this trip - it would be good cover. If I went off on my own, completely unsupervised, Ymir would have questions. I wanted Ren to be an alibi, able to say we were out drinking and whoring - just a couple of soldiers with steam to blow off after a difficult mission. 

Ren left for training, covered in his mask, cloak, and gloves. Through the console, I requested a new set of clothes sent up, then I took another shower. 

My old clothes were still piled on the floor outside the stall. My blaster and lightsabers were tangled up in my pants. 

I spent time examining my body, trying to make up my mind if I was going to visit the med bay. I had gotten off pretty easily in the battle. 

Flip had thrown a fucking grenade at me. I had walked away a little banged up, but mostly unharmed. 

There was a tender spot on the back of my skull, and my muscles were sore, but that was it. 

I looked at myself in the foggy mirror over the sink. I touched the burn on my face and traced my fingertips over the tattoos and scars on my forearm. I felt like this mission should have left a mark behind. Something to remember it by. 

When I left the bathroom, I saw that someone had changed the sheets and made the bed. A fresh set of fatigues rested on top. 

I changed clothes and put my belt and lightsabers around my waist. 

I put in another request on the console. I asked for someone to wash and return my battle clothes, along with a kit bag and two bottles of whiskey. 

Artrix was a melting pot. People wouldn’t bat an eye if I was Resistance or First Order, but it would be better to look like a civilian. 

I had no idea if any of the clothes I had bought for Ren were still around, or if all of them were still in the freedom fighter’s barracks on Otomok. It wasn’t a serious problem. If worse came to worst, I’d shop for him again. 

Ren would be training for a couple of hours at least. I decided to call Ekene.

***

Rosie was right where I had left her in the Star Destroyer’s hangar. She looked so out of place among the neat rows of TIE fighters lining the walls - all top-of-the-line machines. 

I noticed a jumpsuited mechanic carefully approaching me as I unlocked Rosie’s side ramp. 

“Um, Madam, this is your ship…” he said, his voice trailing off nervously. 

I turned to him with a hand on my hip, struggling not to laugh, “Are you asking if this is my ship?”

The mechanic was shy and weak-chinned. He had large, blue eyes. His head was shaved - military regulation I assumed - and it made his eyes look even bigger. 

“Um, Madam, we understand you just returned from a mission … do you have any maintenance requests?”

I grinned at him, “I just need her fueled up. She didn’t see a lot of action.”

“Yes, Madam,” the mechanic said with a polite bob of his head, and he scuttled off to a work station. 

I stepped aboard Rosie, grabbed the last beer from the cooling cabinet, and made my way to the cockpit. 

I decided to use my secondary comms to call Ekene. 

There was a part of my mind telling me that I needed to keep an eye on Vin. He had a way of sniffing out information. He might hear about this attack if he was monitoring First Order communications, or even company conversations. 

I didn’t see any new messages from him. 

No news would have to be good news, for now. 

I punched in the code for Ekene’s line. He swam into view on my console. His hair was loose around his shoulders, a sleepy expression on his face. It took me a second to realize he wasn’t wearing a shirt. 

“Siobhan!” he greeted with a wide smile. 

“Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes,” I said, my mood instantly lifting. 

“You are very special to me. You should know that I wasn’t planning on talking to anyone this morning. People have been trying.”

“Are you celebrating on my behalf?” I asked. 

“Oh of course, love,” Ekene laughed, “You deserve congratulations. In three days you did what Hux and an entire Star Destroyer crew couldn’t accomplish for years. I want to hear all about it.”

Ekene was obviously talking to me from bed. He rolled over on his stomach, propped up on his elbows. 

I told him the story he wanted to hear, full of adventure and heroics. Ren and I were running around in abandoned mining tunnels. We were called on to help another base. Afterwards, the guerrillas welcomed us as heroes and gave us all the information on their planet-wide network. Then we subdued them in the darkness of early morning. 

Ekene didn’t hear that Pax had talked about his company and about what it meant when the workers became slaves. I didn’t tell him about the hope in Rail’s eyes, the moment before I shot him in the chest. I didn’t talk about the blood on Ren’s face, or that he had tortured Pax for no reason. 

To Ekene, Donnall Extraction existed as documents and stale meetings over his holofeed. I gave him the story he wanted to hear. He had a problem, and I had taken care of it for him. 

“And it looks like Kylo Ren pulled through for you,” Ekene said, his cheek resting on the palm of his hand, “I knew he would.”

“It went better than I expected. He’s quiet and he works hard. They all just thought he was a good soldier.”

“That’s what he is,” Ekene agreed with a wry twist to his mouth. “So what’s next for you? You’re coming to Starkiller Base, right?”

“Yeah, Ymir said he wasn’t going to be there for another four days, so it looks like I have some good-old-fashioned shore leave coming.”

“Do you want to come out here? Helena would love to host you, I know it,” Ekene said. 

I assumed Helena was the opera singer’s first name. 

“Ekene, that’s sweet of you,” I said with a smile, “But I want to take a break from high society for a little while.”

Ekene laughed.

“Speaking of vices, I’ve had a question poking around in my brain,” I said. 

“What’s that?” 

“Ymir has talked about all these officers and engineers being stationed on Starkiller Base. They’re in the uncharted regions - the ass end of nowhere. What are they doing for entertainment?”

“It’s the First Order, they train all the fun out of them,” Ekene replied with a wave of his hand. 

“That’s baanthashit. I worked in a brothel for year. A few of my friends got paid to make house calls to Star Destroyers. They always got weird requests and good money.”

Ekene was laughing now, “Is this professional curiosity then?” he teased. 

“I happen to know a woman who runs a business with a good reputation,” I said with a curling smile, “Her and her girls do occasional jobs with the First Order. I wanted to know if I could help get her a new contract.”

“Why not bring it up with Lord Ymir?” Ekene suggested. 

My head tilted as I tried to figure out if he was joking or not.

Ekene laughed again, “So you want me to put in a good word for your Madame?” he said, eyes sparkling. 

“Yeah, I figured you’d have the contacts to do that.”

“I just might,” he said, lips curling, “We should be clear, you’re talking to me about this purely from a strategic perspective, maintaining troop morale and all that.”

“Of course,” I said, with a serious nod. 

“Oh Siobhan, you’re always full of surprises. I haven’t taken a single call today, but I knew it would be good to talk to you. Send me your woman’s information and I can send it along to a few people.”

“Thanks, Ekene.”

“Thank you, for taking care of the guerrillas. I’ll see you in a few days, love.”

Ekene ended the call. 

I sat back in the cockpit, feeling satisfied. 

I’d go to the Outpost and talk with Jukhara about getting a contract set up with the First Order. 

It was risky. Going to Artrix was not the best idea. I still had no idea if Ahobri and Jukhara had heard the news that I had been killed on the Vangelis. My hope was that they thought I was visiting after a long bout of no contact, not that I was coming back from the dead. 

If I worked out a deal with Jukhara, I’d be revealing my new affiliations. Still, I could tell her that I had a gig with the First Order without letting on that I was a Sith working directly under Lord Ymir. 

Jukhara was like Vin, she was good at putting information together, but I knew I could trust her with a secret. She didn’t care who held the throne, all she cared about was where the money flowed. 

I spent some time in the cockpit, thinking through my plan while I finished my beer. 

There was a normal pattern with my visits to the Outpost. I had some time off, some credits in my pocket, and a man at my side. I’d show up for a few days, blow off some steam, then I’d be back to whatever I had been doing before. 

On the surface, nothing about this trip would raise any eyebrows. 

No one had to know the man I was bringing this time was Kylo Ren. His face was a mystery, and there wasn’t anything else to identify him. 

I finished my beer and _flattened_ the can, leaving it on the floorboards. 

I needed to get away from all this rigid, military baanthashit for a few days. 

When I returned to Ren’s quarters, someone had delivered the kitbag and whiskey. I didn’t see my clothes - I assumed they were still in the wash. 

I put the whiskey inside the kitbag, zipped it up, and sprawled out on the bed for a nap. 

***

Ren woke me up when he came in from training. He was changing into his robes. He took his mask off, setting it on a chair. 

“Is that all you’ve done today?” he teased, as I groaned and sat up. 

“I talked with Ekene for a little while,” I said. 

“He likes you,” Ren said with a glance in my direction. 

“Yeah, I like him too,” I said, climbing out of bed, “What’s the matter?”

“I’ve never understood that man,” Ren said sourly, changing his shirt. 

The feeling was mutual; they were too different from each other. 

“He didn’t like me, at first, when Ymir brought me back from Korriban,” I said. 

Ren was pulling his leather gloves on, and he paused. 

“Ymir and I fought, when he came to bring me back,” I said, “So Ekene didn’t trust me. He thought I should have security posted outside my door, but then we had a sit down and talked it all out.”

Ren snorted, and began wrapping his cloak around his shoulders, “Lord Ymir and him have been in their relationship since before I was brought in as his apprentice. Ekene has never seen combat. He has no experience with the military-”

“They love each other,” I interrupted, “You’ve seen the way Ymir looks at him. The way they look at each other.”

Ren shrugged, “He’s not as strong as Lord Ymir.”

I waved a hand dismissively, “No one is.”

Ren made a sharp smile, then paused again. 

“What?” I asked. 

He frowned, paused for another moment, then shook his head, “We should meet with Commander Watts.”

“And then you’re coming with me to Artrix.”

“Siobhan, it doesn’t seem like a good idea. Someone could recognize you. Someone could recognize me.”

“Kylo Ren. I have travelled far and wide across this Galaxy, and I can assure you that nobody knows what you look like. Most of the people in the Resistance think you’re half-droid.”

“And what about you?” Ren asked, not letting me distract him. 

“I’m a drifter,” I said easily, “I come and go like the wind.”

Ren pulled me to him and kissed me, “I believe that.”

***

We met with Commander Watts in the briefing room next to the bridge. 

“Kylo Ren, Lin Siniang. I can provide an update on the guerrillas,” he began. 

My heart was sinking in my chest, my stomach twisting. 

“Go on,” Ren said, his voice monotone through his mask. 

“We just completed our first round of executions this morning,” the Commander continued, sounding very pleased with himself, “We transmitted video of it to all the mining operations. Planet-side, we’ve been able to capture most of their spies. A handful made a run for it, but we have troops and probes on the ground and I expect we’ll have them soon.”

The Commander looked at us expectantly, wanting praise from the two Sith sitting across from him.

We were Ymir’s proxies. 

My mouth was dry. I didn’t want to say anything. 

“You moved swiftly, that’s good,” Ren said, “We have to completely eliminate them to prevent another uprising in the mines. Take away their hope.”

I thought about Brennan’s father and sisters. I hoped that they were safe. 

Before all of this, I was worried about how I would talk to Ahobri about Korriban, about training as a Sith. This was another stain. I didn’t want her to know about Otomok, about what I had done. 

After the Commander gave us the update, I thought we might be done, but there was still more business. 

The Commander wanted to talk numbers with us and to review troop movements from the previous day. 

Ren took over the conversation, which suited me just fine. I slouched in my chair, using a thumbnail to clean out the stubborn grit that was trapped under the rest of my fingernails. 

“We should talk about the behavior I saw from our troops while I was on the ground,” Ren said. 

I perked up. This could get interesting. 

They had a map of the planet pulled up, decorated with thirty-one yellow tags. Ren zoomed in on Base Four. 

“A day before the operation, you lost an entire patrol team. We were there, but, for the purpose of our undercover mission, we fought alongside the guerillas in order to maintain authenticity,” Ren said. “Your troops were sloppy. They weren’t following protocols at all. After having been on Otomok myself, I’m not surprised that these guerrillas were able to survive for so long.”

The Commander gulped nervously. 

Ren laid into him about the storm troopers that we had killed in the tunnels of Base Four, and the ones hanging around the patrol ship’s open ramp. He even had something to say about the pilots that had fired on us. The ones he had killed.

“Needless to say, I expect to have words with the Vice Admiral when I return to the Finalizer, and I’ll be communicating my observations to Lord Ymir. I understand that you were being prepared for a promotion..”

“My apologies, Kylo Ren,” the Commander stammered, “This is my first time hearing about these problems with our patrols. In my meetings with the Captains, they all report strong numbers on troop performance and training…”

“Then you might want to consider going down there and observing troop performance yourself, instead of just having meetings,” Ren said, smoothly getting to his feet. 

“Yes, sir. Yes, Kylo Ren,” he said, shaking his hand, “Madam Siniang.” He swallowed nervously. 

I shook his hand, a mean glint in my eye. 

***

We strode away from the bridge together. 

“Let’s get out of here,” I said, “My ship is all fueled up.”

“If anything bad happens, I’m blaming it all on you,” Ren grumbled. 

“That’s the spirit!” I said, giving him a friendly punch on the arm.

It was the closest I was going to get to a yes.

When we returned to the room, my freshly laundered clothes were folded on top of the bed. I shrugged on my jacket with the wide, fur collar, and packed the shirt and pants in my kit bag. 

“We’ll go shopping when we get there,” I told Ren, “Toss me another set of fatigues.”

I had gotten used to him without the mask and robes. Now, Ren loomed like a shadow in every space he occupied, a mask and hood over his face, the hem of his robe brushing the floor.

With two changes of clothes and one kit bag between us, we headed off to Rosie.

**II**

We cleared the hangar, soaring out into open space. 

Ren sat in the copilot’s seat, his hood and mask up

I couldn’t wait to put Otomok behind me. 

A part of me was horrified that I could put Otomok behind me. So many people were dead, and I was able to just walk away. Just like I was able to walk away when we had destroyed my Resistance base. 

I worked on the hyperspace coordinates for Artrix, pushing those thoughts aside. 

It was done. I couldn’t take it back. I couldn’t change my actions. All I could do was keep moving forward. 

“We have another twelve hours ahead of us,” I said with a wink as I pushed us into hyperspace. 

***

The first few hours of the trip were quiet. We had spent so much time together, and Ren wasn’t social. 

He went off to his quarters, closing the door. I went to mine, opening one of the bottles of whiskey. With a glass in hand, I looked through my various hidey holes, taking stock of the currency I had left. 

After paying Vin for two supply jobs, I was mostly out of cash. I had less than a hundred credits in flan and wupiupi. I was going to need to do something about that once we got to Artrix. 

I really didn’t want to go to a bank, but I might not have a choice. It killed me to leave a document trail that Ymir could follow, but I didn’t want to take my account number and codes to money exchangers on the street. 

There was nothing else I could do about it now. 

I returned to my bunk and napped, dozing and waking in cycles, not quite sleeping. I didn’t know what dreams were laying in wait for me. 

Deacon’s night terrors haunted me. There were billions of men and women just like him - the old combat vets who had fought in one war, only to see another rise up around them. Their only option was to keep fighting. 

I remembered the last dream I had about my father, about Korriban. Would I have the same fate, running from my memories during the day, only to have them flood my mind as I slept?

I stayed in the twilight space, half-sleeping, half-staring at the ceiling, alone with my thoughts. 

Sometime later, Ren appeared in my open doorway. 

“Come in,” I said from my bunk. 

He was in more casual clothes, still in dark colors. His mask and cloak were off. 

Ren joined me in the bunk, climbing over me so we could spoon. 

“How long has it been?” I asked. 

“Six hours,” Ren answered, “Were you asleep?”

I shook my head, “What were you doing?”

“Reading,” he answered. “Some of Lord Ymir’s translations of the Sith texts.”

Of course he was. 

I felt Ren’s hand against the back of my head, smoothing my hair. He pulled me closer to him, arms wrapping tight. 

“What’s on your mind?” I asked, keeping my voice playful. 

Ren squeezed me even tighter, his mouth by my ear. 

“I want to tie you up,” he said, a rumble in his chest. 

Even facing away from him, I felt a smile spreading across my face, “Oh yeah?”

Ren’s hands were moving along my body again, “You were distracting me. I kept thinking about what I wanted to do to you…” I felt his teeth nipping lightly at my earlobe. 

“I was distracting you, while I napped in my bunk,” I teased. 

Ren turned me onto my back, kissing me fiercely, “You were. I couldn’t get you out of my head,” he growled. 

“I don’t think I can help you with that,” I said, with fire in my eyes. 

He took hold of my throat, right beneath my jaw. “I’m going to get my rope. I want to see you naked, on your knees in the cargo bay.”

There was a tick of fear in my heart. 

“Yes,” I breathed. 

Ren left my bunk, moving around the hallway to his quarters. 

I left my clothes in my room, walking naked to the cargo bay. The metal floors were cold beneath my feet. 

The bay was empty. The two speeders had been left on Otomok, somewhere in the tunnels. I had probably crushed them. 

Beneath me, the floorboard compartments were empty. All of the cargo Vin had brought me had been handed over, the false hope I had delivered. 

Pushing those thoughts aside, I got to my knees. 

Ren walked down the hallway a minute later, a kit bag in his hand. 

A thrill rolled down my spine. My nipples stiffened. 

“What’d you bring?” I asked. 

He didn’t respond. Instead, Ren dropped the kitbag on the ground and unzipped the top, taking out three coils of rope. 

“Where were you hiding that?” I asked with a grin. 

Ren approached me with a coil of rope in hand. 

“I had someone bring this to the ship,” he said, his voice smooth and monotone. 

“Did you tell them you needed it for your next mission?” I jeered. 

Ren slapped my cheek, firm and stinging, “Be quiet,” he ordered. He was calm, for now. 

My breath caught in my chest. My heart was speeding up with anticipation. 

Ren hadn’t tied me up like this before. 

I had expected him to bind my wrists and lean me over a supply crate. 

This was different. 

He started by tying a harness around my chest, a row of rope above and below my breasts, binding my arms behind me. 

Ren was methodical, careful, as he restrained me. I found myself captivated by his steady breathing, his intense, focused gaze as he worked. 

My mind began to slip into that place of surrender as he controlled my body, moving me into the exact positions he imagined and securing me there. 

After completing the harness, he began to bind my legs. He made a cage of rope, securing each calf to each thigh, bent at the knee. 

With that done, he began to play. 

I expected him to flog me, to fuck me. Instead, he began to work my body into new configurations. 

I sighed as he bent me backwards, tying a leg to the harness. I surrendered to him as he turned a pipe in the ceiling into a suspension point. 

He knew what he was doing. My weight was distributed artfully. I swayed, one toe grazing the floors, the other leg in the air. Rope dug into my flesh, but the bindings were comforting. 

I loved the sure and confident way Ren’s arms moved, holding me, supporting me. 

Our only words were to confirm that nothing was pinched or too painful, that I had circulation in my arms and legs. 

As Ren shaped my body I let myself move into the space beyond thinking. 

All that existed for me was the rope and our breath. 

For hours, my mind was blessedly quiet. 

When he was done, Ren released me just as slowly and carefully as he had tied me. 

I was completely relaxed, in a state of bliss. 

Ren carried me to my bunk and massaged my entire body - my arms and hands, my back, and my legs, all the way down to my feet. 

The sex was an afterthought, the final release, as we lay in the narrow bunk together.

Ren fell asleep afterwards, head turned on the pillow, breathing free and easy. 

I felt so close to him. 

I worried about my dreams. The last one I had about my father happened after Ren had flogged me. When I was open and raw. I wasn’t ready for that again. 

I slipped out of my bunk, grabbed the bottle of whiskey that I had opened earlier, and moved to the cockpit. 

When I checked the time, I saw we had been at it for four hours. 

We had two hours until Artrix. 

I poured myself a couple fingers of whiskey and lazily played Dejarik on my console, losing every single game to the computer. 

***

An hour later, Ren came to the cockpit doorway, arms braced on either side. He looked sleepy and content, his hair flopping carelessly across his face. 

“You didn’t sleep?” he asked. 

“Nah,” I said, twisting towards him flashing a smile, “I spent the whole morning napping on the Star Destroyer.”

“How much time do we have?” Ren asked, stifling a yawn with a hand. 

“About an hour. I’m going to start putting away the things we shouldn’t leave out,” I said rising from the captain’s chair. 

When I approached the doorway, Ren slid an arm around my waist. We kissed, gentle and sweet. 

“I’ve wanted to do that with you for so long,” he sighed. 

“It was lovely,” I said, kissing his neck, my hands on his shoulders. 

***

We packed our things into the kitbag that Ren had used to carry his rope.

I decided it was better for our lightsabers, the mask, and robes to go in the locked floorboards of the cargo bay. 

This time, I knew Ren wasn’t taking anything with him that he shouldn’t. 

“So, I actually have a plan for this trip,” I said, eyes twinkling as I finished with the lock. 

Ren gave me a look. 

“I was going to hit the markets first. We can get something to eat, new clothes. I’ll give you the grand tour,” I continued, “Then I’m going to take you to a club. It’s called the Outpost. It has everything, it really does. We’ll going to get a room there, and then see where the night takes us…”

Ren was shaking his head, “What could go wrong?”

“Nothing. It’s a night on the town,” I assured him, “We should have some kind of story we can tell people. I figured we could both use the names we’ve been using and tell folks we just got done with a job on Affa. Weapons smuggling. I’ll tell the story.”

“How hostile is this place to the First Order?” Ren asked, searching for any holes in my plan.

I shook my head, “Not hostile at all. It’s a trading hub, everyone rubs shoulders. I don’t know about any Resistance activity, either.”

Ren looked at me, trying to find another way to argue. 

“We’re just two people who finished a successful mission and just got paid. We’re going out on the town to enjoy ourselves. There’s nothing remarkable about this. This is normal. It’s what most people do.”

“I’ll take your word for it.”

**III**

We were nearing the end of our trip in hyperspace. Ren and I returned to the cockpit. 

I began to switch my ship over to its New Republic signature and transmissions. 

We emerged from hyperspace into the traffic of a busy Inner Rim planet. 

Zeltros loomed ahead of us. It was massive, with swirling yellow and red clouds brushing along the surface. 

I took us around to Artrix, tracking her orbit, getting myself into an approaching lane. 

“Look at this. There are people here. We’re not out in the sticks anymore,” I said with a grin. 

“I’m going to finish getting ready,” Ren said, patting me on the shoulder. 

“Go for it,” I said pulling up my music on the console, “Please, don’t bring anything that could reveal us. I’ve stashed my lightsabers, they’re not coming with me. We’re not going to have any trouble on this trip, unless someone finds out who you really are.”

I gave him a purposeful stare. 

Ren pressed his lips together, not appreciating me ordering him around, “Fine, Siobhan.”

He left the cockpit. 

I turned up my music, settling Rosie into the traffic entering the planet. 

This sure beat the Outer Rim. 

Artrix was a major metropolitan hub, but they had managed to hold onto their forests. There was a lot of water on the surface. The planet was green and blue with white clouds, so different from the smog and over-built cityscape of Zeltros. 

As we cruised in the lane of traffic, I had some time to think. 

Artrix was always a touchstone for me. I had shown up here eight years ago, penniless, trying to put as much distance as possible between me and my ex-boyfriend’s shitty gang. 

At the time, I had only expected to be here for a few weeks, a cycle at most, just enough to earn a few credits and get back into a smuggling crew. Instead, I found myself with a steady job and friends that knew how to kick my ass into shape. 

This place would always be my home. 

Ren joined me as we began to descend through the atmosphere. 

I gave him the aerial tour as we cruised in. 

“So, the city is Neros,” I introduced as we swooped down, “It’s right on the gulf, so there are all these boats and canals running through the whole place.”

The buildings rose high into the sky, dotted with lanes of traffic for personal ships and cargo freighters. 

I took us down to a garage, far west of the Outpost, near Gungantown. 

Because we were right on the water, there were loads of aquatic races out here - mostly Gungans and Aqualish, but there were Ithorians and even some Mon Calamari scattered across the city. 

The garage was grimey - a simple steel structure, not a lot of bells and whistles. Water dripped from the ceiling beams, making puddles in the uneven, cement floors. 

“We’re going to leave the ship here?” Ren asked skeptically, as I piloted Rosie into a stall. 

“Yeah, she’ll be safe,” I assured him. 

As we stepped out of the side hatch, we were immediately greeted by the smells and sounds of the city. This close to the gulf, it was humid, the air smelling like salt and sea-life. On top of that were all the layered smells of thousands of different species living, cooking, and shitting, all right next to one another. 

“I fucking love this place,” I said with a grin, leading Ren out of the garage. 

“I’ll take your word for it,” he said, following me to the elevator. 

There was a small, scaly Sarn kid that was collecting fares for the garage. I put some coins in his hand and he skittered off. 

“Are you sure the ship is still going to be here when we get back?” Ren asked, mouth turning down as he watched the kid’s tail flickering behind a cluster of ships in the lot. 

“Oh come off it,” I scolded, patting his forearm. 

We stepped into the rickety, grated-metal elevator that took us down to the street. 

I took a breath as we entered the crush of the city. The streets were crowded with beings - walking, wheeling, blazing by on speeders, sitting back in auto-rickshaws. I took in the regular patter of dozens of languages being used at once, all the little arguments, conversations, and haggling. 

“I’m going to get some cash, then we’re going to Gungantown. We’ll get some food and I want to do some shopping,” I said, taking Ren’s hand. 

This was the only errand I wasn’t looking forward to. I hated needing to go into a bank. Ymir would be able to monitor my account. He would know exactly where I was and how much money I was using. Since I had Ren here, it wasn’t like it would be a secret that we visited Artrix. I just hated knowing that Ymir would have concrete proof of where I was. 

Tasha had walked me through how to use the shell accounts. Since the First Order had control of most of the banking syndicates, I would be able to access my funds through any of the branches. 

We walked for a few blocks until we identified a bank, fifteen floors up in a dingy mall. There were jewelry shops, brand name clothing, corporate wares for sale. I passed by all of it without a glance, headed straight for the elevator. 

The security droids made us remove our blasters just inside the entrance. Ren handed his over very reluctantly. 

There was a gruff Ugnaught at the counter. I gave him my account number and a security code. I requested a thousand credits and the specific denominations and currencies I wanted them in. Ren raised his eyebrows. 

“This trip is my treat,” I told Ren, as the clerk shuffled off to fulfill my request, “We will want for nothing.”

The Ugnaught came back with the collection of credits, flan, wupiupi, and druggats. 

I took some time in the lobby, splitting the currency up across my person and giving a couple hundred credits to Ren to hold on to. 

“Just let me handle paying for everything in the market. You have to be careful about what kind of money people see you flashing around,” I warned him. 

The droids gave us back our blasters at the door. 

We left the bank and returned to street-level, moving closer to the canals. 

The streets became narrower, really just layers of terraces attached to the outsides of buildings. We passed hawkers, performers, homeless people, pickpockets, and the loud, handsy prostitutes of all different species and genders. 

Beneath the terraced walkways, speeders and boats zipped or cruised through the water. 

As we walked towards Gungantown I pointed out landmarks the Ren - places to get a drink, places to go dancing or gamble, the fronts, and cartel buildings. 

The Hutts had a large presence out here, skimming off the trade routes. They had a near-monopoly on weapons, drugs, gambling, and prostitution. 

“So, Gungantown is one of my favorite neighborhoods,” I told Ren, “The ones here aren’t like the ones on Naboo, they’re all part of this weird religious cult, they speak Ubeze, not Galactic Standard. I still don’t know why, but they have great food and they’ll haggle over anything.”

I led us down flights of stairs, closer to the water. 

This neighborhood was a flotilla of boats and walkways, right at the mouth of the gulf. It was more humid down here, and the air was stagnant, thick with the smells of the water and the city. The streets and walkways were narrow and packed with stalls. 

Ren was at my side, his expression neutral, taking in the sights. 

I decided to stop at a food stall on a boat. It was painted in a garish combination of yellow, blue and orange. Stools were lined up outside the window, covered by a striped awning. The current customers included a large Crolute and two teenage Aqualish with neon hair and piercings all over their faces. 

We took a seat, and the Gungan shop owner leaned out the window to take our order. 

I made their ritual greeting in Ubeze, remembering the three hand-gestures that went with it. The Gungan smiled and returned the greeting. I ordered us a few different dishes, craving something spicy and crunchy. The shop owner went into the kitchen to start the order. 

“What did the greeting mean?” Ren asked, sounding genuinely interested. 

I shrugged, “Something along the lines of ‘May peace go with you.’ I just know the gestures.”

A few moments later the Gungan returned with a bottle of purple liquor and poured the three of us a shot. We touched our glasses together. 

The alcohol was sweet and warming, going down smooth. 

“And that’s why I learned their language,” I said, as the shopkeeper got back to work. 

We had little dishes of fried vegetables, pickles, savory pancakes weighted down with five or six different toppings. We ate with our hands. I ordered us beers. 

When we were done, I left coins on the counter, giving the owner a tip. 

After our meal, I took us into the market. I wanted to find something to wear and gifts for Ahobri and Jukhara. 

Ren stayed at my side, clearly not enjoying the tight press of bodies in the narrow walkways and stalls. 

“Keep an eye out for pickpockets,” I warned him, keeping my voice down. 

We passed shops with all kinds of goods for sale. There were places for fruits, vegetables, dry goods, electronics. Stalls were filled with bolts of fabric and clothing. People tried to get my attention, saying they could tailor a dress for me in fifteen minutes, that they had colors that matched my eyes. As we passed by trays of jewelry, shop owners would reach for my hand to try to sell me a ring or a bracelet. 

Everyone moving through the market got the same treatment. Ren did not like the crowds or the attention. 

I found a jewelry stall with pieces I liked, accepting the vendor’s invitation. I looked through bracelets and hair ornaments. 

“I could spend the rest of the day here,” I told Ren, “So feel free to go off and do what you want.”

> We can find each other anytime.

I added. 

Ren nodded and squeezed my shoulder. 

“I’m going to find something to wear out tonight. You should find something to dress up in,” I said. 

He tugged at the fur collar of my jacket, “Something like this?” he teased. 

“Exactly. We’ll both look like scoundrels,” I said, giving him a quick kiss. 

Ren shook his head, fighting a smile. 

“You might like The Square,” I called as he turned away, “It’s pretty, and they have old bookshops and shit.”

I _reached_ for him, showing him the path to get there. 

Ren disappeared into the throngs of people. 

I continued at my own pace through the market. 

The first thing I bought was a leather satchel. Next, I found the perfect gift for Ahobri, a set of jewelry - earrings, a necklace, and two armbands, all made from delicate metal filigree, dotted with small, glittering gemstones in black and green. 

I slowly put together my outfit for the night from several different stalls. I found a pair of strappy harem pants with tight legs - they would look good with my boots. At another place, I found a small, red bandeau and a black shrug that criss-crossed my shoulders and covered my arms. 

People would have enough questions about the scar on my face. I didn’t need people prodding at my arm, too. 

I found some locking pouches that I could put on my belt to hold my money for the night. 

Jukhara’s gift came from a wine stall. Her favorite drink was an expensive, syrupy vintage from Illodia. The owner had a dusty bottle of it in the back of her shop. She didn’t know its value - all she knew was that people weren’t buying it. I talked her down to a third of what it was worth. 

As I cruised through the shops I picked up jewelry, deciding on gold. I bought a small collection of rings, a long necklace with a beautiful half-moon pendant, and gold earrings that draped almost to my shoulders. 

By this time, my satchel was full and the sun was beginning to set. The sky was mellowing into shades of orange and pink. Above us, Zeltros loomed, city lights visible from here. 

My last stops were to clean myself up. I had a manicure and pedicure, painting my nails black with a gold stripe down the center. At another booth, I paid for a haircut, tidying up the ends and framing my face better. For a couple more coins she threaded my eyebrows and cheeks, plucking out stray hairs with swift, practiced movements. 

It was time to find Ren. 

The city was shifting into its nighttime rhythms - more lights coming on, the crowds getting younger and better dressed. 

I _reached_ for Ren and got a flash of The Square and the fountain, people moving through the stone arches, covered in layers of brilliant graffitti. I knew exactly where he was. I left Gungantown and headed up into the city proper. 

The Square was really four city blocks. It used to be Oldtown, but the name changed as the city grew. Everything was stone. The buildings were hundreds of years old, surviving years of remodeling and retrofitting. There was a large, stone fountain in the center, which had been left dry for as long as I could remember. 

It was a place for artists, buskers, and prostitutes, the cafe society of Neros. 

***

Ren was sitting on the steps of the fountain with a book in hand, a cup of beer next to his boots. 

He looked good. I wasn’t expecting him to look good. 

His clothes were still all black. His jacket was stylish, with a modern cut that flattered his wide shoulders and tapered at the wrist. The shirt had a v-neck, showing off some of his chest, and his knee-high boots were new, made out of fine, black leather. 

He hadn’t done anything with his hair. It draped on either side of his face, down to his shoulders. Dark hair, dark eyes, dark clothes, and pale skin. 

“You clean up nice,” I said, letting my eyes wander over him, my lower lip moving between my teeth. 

Ren gave me a smug look, passing me his cup of beer. 

There were over a hundred people scattered along the steps and sitting on the edge of the fountain. Immediately next to us was a group of three young people sloppily kissing each other. On our other side was a painter, facing the sculpture in the center of the fountain and drawing the massive stone dragon in watercolors. 

People sat in groups, playing games, eating snacks, drinking, and shooting the breeze. 

“You said we had a plan,” Ren said, “What’s next?”

“Well, it looks like I should get myself all dolled up to go out,” I said with a wink.

Ren brought a hand underneath my chin and kissed me, lips pressing to mine. 

I set off, Ren holding my hand, in search of a booth where I could change and have someone do my make-up. 

On the way I picked up a bottle of wine, swigging from the neck as I pointed out more landmarks and shared more stories with Ren. We were moving into the party district, surrounded by restaurants, bars, and shops. 

People were dressed more stylishly, moving in large groups, laughing, giving each other shit. 

Finally I found the booth I was looking for. I paid a stylish Twi’lek woman some coins to change and get my make-up done. There were four cloth cubicles at the back. Three were occupied. 

I changed, surrounded by the sounds of the city, just inside the thin fabric. Every now and then someone would pass too close, their arm or bag brushing against the wall. I had played this game before, getting dressed for a night out on the side of the road. 

I didn’t want to carry a bulky satchel around, so I my fatigues and shirt in the changing room, rolling my jacket up as tightly as I could next to Ahobri’s gift and the bottle for Jukhara. I adjusted my clothes, making sure the bandeau was in place, and put on my jewelry - the rings, necklace, and earrings. 

Two of the other women were dressed before I was done, and I waited while the two Twi’lek shop owners put on their make-up. 

Ren was in a chair at the corner of the stall, one leg kicked out, his book in his hand again. A male Trandoshan was waiting in the opposite corner, looking equally bored. 

As one of the Twi’lek women was finishing one girl’s face, she began to ask me what I wanted, in disinterested tones, not even looking my way. 

I rattled off the look I was going for, and the colors I wanted. 

“You want me to do anything about the scar?” she asked bluntly. 

I grinned, remembering just how delicately Tasha had asked, so afraid of offending me. 

“Don’t bother,” I said. 

When the seat was open, I stepped forward and the woman began to work on my face.

The make-up was dark and dramatic. The rest of the night was going to unfold in clubs, and I wanted to stand out. There was black around my eyes and ruby red on my lips. 

She had it done in just a few minutes. I tipped her. 

“I’m ready!” I called out to Ren, stepping over to him, my bag over my shoulder. 

He stood, looking me up and down, and kissed me before passing back the bottle of wine. 

**IV**

The Outpost was in the heart of downtown. It occupied thirty stories of a building that was around two hundred stories tall, owed by the Uhdea branch of the Hutts. 

Jukhara had worked out an unprecedented deal, where she owned her floors outright. She provided favors to their gangsters and cronies, but, on her property, she had the final word. 

We wound our way up towards it, entering a neighboring skyscraper first. 

The first floor of the Outpost was a traditional dancehall, with an entrance fee, bars, and go-go dancers. A lot of people who worked at the Outpost started out on the bottom, serving drinks, dancing, and entertaining. I had been on that floor for a month.

I didn’t want to push my way through the normal riff-raff. I wanted to get right to the action. 

There were staff entrances and exits at the back of the building. That was where I planned to go. 

Ren followed me up elevators and through hallways. We reached a covered catwalk, and I opened the door, striding across to the two security guards waiting for us at the end. 

“Siobhan?!” a stout Gamorrean called out as he recognized me.

Ren made a sharp glance towards me and I squeezed his hand. 

“Koval!” I called out, grinning. I hadn’t expected to run into anyone I knew right away.

His partner was a beefy Rodian, and his antennae swivelled towards me. 

“When did you get into town?” Koval asked, wrapping me in a hug.

Ren’s eyebrow was arching.

> Just be cool all right?

I hissed. 

“Just a few hours ago,” I said, patting Koval on the back. 

He had worked at the Outpost for almost twenty years. He was a good guy. I had lost a lot of money to him in card games. 

“What’s that on your face?” he asked, brushing at the scar with a wide thumb. 

I shrugged, “Got careless in a fight,” I answered. “This is my pilot, Kay,” I introduced, pointing to Ren. 

The two men nodded. I knew Koval wasn’t going to remember Ren. I never came by with the same man twice. 

Koval opened the door for me, “I think Ahobri’s managing floors fifteen and sixteen tonight. Does she know you’re coming?”

I shook my head, “It’s a surprise,” I said, stepping inside. 

“She’ll be thrilled to see you. It’s been a while. Want me to let Jukhara know you’re here?”

I tried not to cringe. The less Ren overheard the better. “Yeah, thanks Koval,” I said with a charming smile, motioning for Ren to follow me inside. 

We entered the staff hallways for the Outpost. Thumping music echoed through the walls and the air was hazy with different kinds of smoke. I took Ren’s hand, leading him through the maze of corridors and staff elevators. 

People and droids weaved past us, not giving us a second glance. 

“Why did the Gamorrean know your name?” Ren asked as the doors of an elevator closed around us. 

I shrugged, “I told you, this is my usual spot to come blow off steam after a mission.”

The doors opened and I stepped out before Ren could ask me any more questions. 

Now we were at the heart of the Outpost. 

These halls were packed with entertainers of all species and genders. 

Holding Ren’s hand, I led him through the crush of people, smoking and gossiping between performances and clients. I couldn’t wait to get rid of the satchel, it was unwieldy in the tight space.

Everyone was dressed in their costumes; there was an orange-skinned Togruta, only wearing white fishnets; a male Ayrak only dressed in his plumage. I slipped past a red-skinned Zabrak woman in six-inch heels and a thong, talking to an elegant Kaminoan woman in a shimmering, silver dress. 

I was an infrequent, but familiar, face. Nobody batted an eye as I brushed past them. At my side, Ren was confused and growing more uncomfortable by the second. He had no idea what I was getting him into.

Eventually, I ran into a friend. 

“Jenna!” I said. 

She was a petite, muscular woman with a spiky, blond mohawk and dark eyes. I found her leaning against a patch of wall, smoking - her usual habit after a performance. 

“Siobhan!” she said, expression brightening. 

We hugged and kissed on the cheek. She smelled like smoke and sweet perfume. Ren pulled up behind me. 

“Jenna, this is Kay,” I introduced, tilting my head towards him.

Ren was deeply out of his element. All he did was nod.

Jenna wore a bodysuit made entirely from straps and mesh fabric. She was an incredible dancer, known for contortions. We had done some work together. I wasn’t even close to kind of performer she was, but we both took clients who liked restraints and pain-play. 

“Are you getting back on stage?” I asked. 

“Nah, I had an early shift tonight,” she said, dropping her rolled smoke on the ground. “I think Ahobri’s on floor fifteen right now. I could stand getting a drink with you.”

Perfect. 

As a group of three, we continued through the building, moving up a set of stairs filled with people going to and from performances. Jenna was in front and Ren was behind me. 

“What happened to your face?” Jenna asked over her shoulder as we got stuck behind a big group.

“Long story,” I replied, with a grin tugging at my mouth. 

We were close to the entrance to the floor. The music was louder, and people’s voices rose along with it. 

This was the opportunity I needed. 

“You got any clients tonight?” I asked, right next to Jenna’s ear. 

Ren was behind me, but it looked like he was too overwhelmed to listen in. 

“Not yet. Why?” Jenna asked. 

I worked a small stack of credits out of the pouch on my belt, and I pushed them into her hands. 

“That’s one hundred credits to keep Kay occupied tonight, and I’ll pay for everything we do,” I said. 

Jenna tucked the credits away, “What’s his type?” she asked, keeping her voice down.

“He likes it rough. Doesn’t get out much.”

We moved through a set of double doors and pushed through heavy, black curtains. Jenna nodded at the two Bothan security guards. 

The floor was kept dim and dark, except for the lights flashing from the stages. 

This was one of the places for stripping and other floorshows. There were dancers on the main stage, twirling and twisting. Servers, dressed in almost nothing, circulated with trays of drinks. 

It was a busy night. There were groups in semi-circle booths, with dancers coming by to give a show on the table - hoping to get hired to join the party for the night. 

Jenna worked her way back to Ren, striking up a conversation. I scanned the room for Ahobri. 

We walked past smaller stages, bathed in flashing lights. 

I found Ahobri off to the side of the main bar, talking with a couple Aqualish businessmen in fine robes. 

My heart sped up. 

She looked gorgeous, all curves in a tight, glittering dress. The bottom hem just covered her ass, and she wore tall heels that showed off her calves and thighs. Her dress was cut low in the front, with plenty of cleavage on display. The sleeves of her dress were long, all the black emphasized the green skin she was showing. Her head tails were looped, tied up in decorative ribbons. 

I walked up, unable to keep the smile from my face, “Ahobri!”

She had been playing it cool with the businessmen, but her expression shifted completely as she saw me. 

“Holy shit! Siobhan!” she cried out, mincing over to me in her high heels, wrapping me in a ferociously tight hug, kissing my cheek. 

She did not even try to keep her composure. 

I squeezed her back just as tightly, “Ahobri! It’s so good to see you,” I said, surprised to find myself suddenly fighting back tears. 

We broke apart, hands on each other’s arms taking each other in. 

“It’s been so fucking long,” Ahobri said with a wide smile, meeting my eyes. 

Lights from the stage flashed across us and she noticed the scar over my left eye and cheek. Her expression grew serious. 

Twi’leks were empaths and we were very close. She immediately knew that the scar was more than just a physical injury. 

“I’ll tell you everything later,” I assured her, squeezing her arm. 

I motioned with my head towards Jenna and Ren, standing next to a column. Jenna was good - she was already in close, hips tilted towards him. “See tall and dark over there?” 

Ahobri nodded.

“That’s Kay. We just got back from a job and we have some good money to get rid of,” I continued, with a sly smile, “Could you make sure he gets entertained while I go talk with Jukhara? I’ll get your shift covered tonight.”

Ahobri was smiling, “That sounds amazing. Tell Jukhara I can get Greto or Lula to take over. They both want to make some extra cash this week.”

“Can do,” I replied. 

Ahobri pulled me to her for a kiss. She was warm and open, her lips pressing full against mine. 

I would have been content to stay there in her arms, just like that. But there was more ahead of us. 

We joined Jenna and Ren at the column. A barely-clothed server came by with drinks on a tray. 

I put a hand to Ren’s upper arm. 

Between the lights, loud music, and mostly naked women, he did not know where to focus. His expression was carefully neutral, but I could tell this place was too much for him. 

“I’m going to get us a room. Stick with these two,” I said, pressing close to him, my lips next to his ear, “I think Jenna’s taking a shine to you...”

I slipped away into the crowd before Ren could respond. 

So far so good. 

I returned to the crowded hallways, filled with costumed performers and staff. I headed straight to Jukhara’s office. Once this meeting was over, the party could begin. 

Her space was in the center of the building, on the floor with the high-stakes card games. She hosted a handful of tables where the initial buy-in was two thousand credits. That’s what you got when you played nice with the Hutts. 

I strode purposefully through the hallways, entering the narrow corridor to Jukhara’s office. 

The two Gamorrean security guards knew me and buzzed me in. 

Jukhara was at her desk, poring through something on her console. Her long, ebony, t’bac holder was held between two fingers, smoke drifting towards the ceiling. Behind her were the security video feeds, where she could keep an eye on her patrons and staff. 

“Siobhan, what an unexpected surprise,” she said in her hoarse, friendly voice, looking up. “What happened to your face?” she asked, brows knitting together. 

I took a seat on the edge of her desk, letting my satchel rest behind me. Jukhara motioned for me to lean forward, running her long, talon-like- ruby red thumbnail down the edge of the burn. 

“It’s a long story,” I said, deflecting for the fourth time today. 

Jukhara’s face was a welcome sight. She was a Devaronian with red skin and harsh, craggy features. Despite that, she had a magnetic elegance to her. 

She was born male, but knew she was a woman. She kept the two horns on her forehead filed down to flat protrusions. Instead of hiding her gender transition, she flaunted it. A delicate chain was draped between the two horns, with a sparkling, red, gemstone pendant in the center. Her hair flowed long and thick down her back, and she had a preference for high-necked, curve-hugging dresses. 

“It’s been a long time since you last came through,” Jukhara said, removing her hand.

“I have a gift for you,” I said, pulling the bottle of wine out of my bag. 

She smiled, quick and sharp, taking two ornate, crystal glasses out of the top drawer in her desk and passing me a corkscrew. 

I opened the bottle and poured for both of us. As I held the bottle, my sleeve pulled up just high enough for Jukhara to see a few of the tattoos around my left wrist. 

“What have you gotten yourself mixed up in this time, Siobhan?” she asked sagely, touching her glass to mine, the t’bac holder still held in her fingers. 

Jukhara understood the kind of person I was. Ymir was close to me in so many ways, and he understood my heart better than most people, but Jukhara knew everything. She had taken me in off the street when I was seventeen, and we had worked together ever since. 

“I have a new employer,” I began, playing coy, taking a sip of wine, my legs dangling off the edge of her desk. 

“Oh?” she smirked. She raised an eyebrow, lines crinkling around her mouth and eyes. 

“I’ve been doing jobs for the First Order. I think I can get you a contract with them,” I said with the same, cool expression. 

Jukhara barked a laugh, setting her drink down, “You? First Order? I thought you were in the Resistance.”

I allowed myself a smile and took another sip of my drink, “I was. It didn’t work out.”

Jukhara was watching me carefully now. She didn’t tolerate baanthashit conversations and could sniff out a lie as fast as a person could think one up. “What makes you think I’d want a contract with the First Order?” 

“Money,” I replied with a shrug, “I’ve talked with some people about you. All I need is your permission to give someone your contact information.”

“And if I make a deal with the First Order, what’s in it for you?”

“Fifteen percent.”

Jukhara laughed in my face, full and throaty. She took a pull from the t’bac holder, “You’ve always been ballsy. That’s what I like about you. Are you taking a cut from both ends?” 

“I learned from the best,” I said with a wink. 

She took a moment to measure me up - the new clothes, my muscles, the scar on my face. 

“You can pass my information on. I’ll believe it when I get the call,” she said, “If the deal interests me, then we can discuss terms.”

I shook her hand, sealing the first part of our agreement. 

“I’m assuming you want me to take Ahobri off the floor tonight,” Jukhara said knowingly, taking another drag of t’bac. 

“She said Greto or Lula can cover for her,” I added helpfully, “I also wanted to buy a suite. The staff can use it as a party room.”

“We can set you up in suite thirty-four. I’ll expect you to pay full price,” Jukhara said, “Since you’re on the First Order’s payroll now.”

I grinned. “Of course,” I agreed, tipping back the rest of the syrupy-sweet wine. I had no idea why she liked it so much. 

I put down three hundred credits on the desk and slid my ass off the edge. 

I left Jukhara’s office with a fierce little smirk on my face. 

Ekene would pass the information on and Jukhara would take the deal. The money would be too good for her to refuse. Then, I’d have some of my own money coming in. 

All my work was done. I was free to party. 

**V**

When I returned, I found Ahobri, Jenna, and Ren sitting together in a cushioned booth. There were two bottles of bubbly alcohol on the round table - one of them was open and an empty glass was waiting for me. 

Jenna was perched in Ren’s lap, an arm around his shoulders. 

I slid across the curved bench to Ahobri, kissing her cheek as I picked up the open bottle of alcohol. She smiled and I leaned back, drinking from the neck. Bubbles tried to climb up my nose.

When I set down the bottle I saw Ren looking at me, still trying to figure this situation out. 

“Ahobri, I got you the night off,” I said, “I also got all of us a suite for the night. Staff should know it’s the party room.”

Ahobri pulled in close, giving me a kiss on the lips, “Well look who’s all flush these days,” she teased, “We should find out what we want to do next,” she said, looking around to Jenna and Ren. 

I passed the bottle over to Ahobri, “What’s fun these days?” I asked as she took a gulp. 

She gasped at the bubbles and passed the bottle to Jenna, “We could go to Ivory. The dancing is good there.”

“Ivory?” I said with surprise, “When did that place get fun?

“Onasi took it over, after she bought her own contract,” Jenna said, leaning forward in Ren’s lap. 

“Holy shit, no way,” I said with a grin. Onasi had worked at the Outpost for decades. She had been in charge of client relations for our big spenders. 

Jenna passed the bottle to Ren, who reluctantly lifted it up, his other arm still around Jenna’s waist.

“She did, just over a year ago. It’s going great for her,” Ahobri said. 

“Let’s go then,” I said with a grin. 

Ahobri was motioning a server over, “Siobhan, do you need anything in this bag?” she asked. 

“No,” I said, grateful to get it off my hands. “We’re in suite thirty-four,” I said, passing it over to the server.

“Kay, have you ever partied with Siobhan before?” Jenna asked, passing the bottle back to me. 

Ren was giving me a look, a smug smile on his lips, “I’ve mostly observed from a safe distance.”

Jenna laughed, head falling back, “Boy, you are in for a treat. I promise we’ll be gentle,” she said with a curling smile and a kiss. 

Ren hesitated. It was almost cute. He wasn’t sure if he should be kissing someone else in front of me. 

I smiled and leaned in, a hand on his thigh, “Gentle isn’t really his preference,” I said, squeezing the muscles beneath my hand. 

One of the dancers stopped by our booth. She was gorgeous - tits out, a narrow waist, wide hips, and a waterfall of platinum blonde hair down her back. 

She stepped onto the circular table, heels clicking on the surface. 

I put twenty credits down. She swayed, warming up, hands running over her curves. 

I leaned in towards Ren, “You gotta show the girls some love. Keep the credits flowing.”

He put down twenty credits, following my lead. 

I opened the second bottle of bubbly alcohol and passed it to Ahobri, who filled everyone’s glasses. 

We toasted and I handed the bottle to the dancer, who joined in, taking a swig before setting the bottle down and tossing her hair. 

“I have something fun for us,” Ahobri said, pulling a small, silver vial from her cleavage. 

“You’re the best,” I said, as she tipped a little bump of orange powder onto the webbing between her thumb and forefinger. 

This was Euphoria. Our night was off to a good start. 

Ahobri gave me the first hit. I leaned my face over her hand, scooping my hair out of the way. There was a tingling, electric sensation as I snorted the little pile of orange powder. 

When I was done, Ahobri handed me the vial and I set up her dose. I carefully tapped out an amount, less than half my fingernail, and Ahobri leaned in to sniff it up. 

Ren was transfixed by the dancer and the girl in his lap. He didn’t notice anything was going on until Jenna was leaning forward, eager to join us. 

He scowled at first, as he watched us cramming together. Ahobri was rubbing at her nose, Jenna dipping down towards my hand.

“What are you doing?” he asked scornfully. 

“Drugs,” I answered. 

The effects of the powder were taking hold. I was feeling expansive and powerful. I was a brilliant and shining being. 

“What does it do?” he asked, brows knitting, mouth turning down. 

“You’ll find out,” Jenna said playfully, taking the vial from Ahobri and setting up a dose on her hand. 

The girl was still dancing on our table and I put down more credits for her. 

Ren was awkwardly leaning in, hair draping his face. Jenna laughed - a fantastic echoing laugh - and tucked his hair behind his ear as he sniffed at the dose, needing more than one try to manage it. 

I tilted back my glass, then refilled everyone’s. The vial was making its way back to me and I measured out another dose on my hand. 

I motioned for the dancer to join in on the fun, “We’re partying in suite thirty-four tonight,” I said as she smoothly moved her hair to the side to take her hit. 

She lifted her face up. Her eyes were wide, green pools, drawing me in. 

I kissed the dancer, my fingers running through her smooth, white hair, flowing like silk across my skin. I was wet and warm, taking in her tongue. 

This was good stuff. 

I felt on top of the world - starry-eyed. I could do anything I wanted, have anyone I wanted. 

“I’ll see you later, then,” the girl said, rising upwards, her arms lifting over her head, catching the flashing lights between her fingers, bending them. 

I put more credits on the table. 

On the other side of the booth, Ren was adjusting to the new sensations, flexing his hands as Jenna ran her fingertips up and down his chest, inside his jacket. 

Ahobri leaned into me, keeping her voice down, “So what’s the story with this guy?”

I laughed, feeling my heartbeat rising. I needed to move. I couldn’t stay in my seat. 

“He was my partner on my last job,” I told her, taking her hand, “He doesn’t get out much.”

“I can tell,” she said, looking his way. Jenna was straddling him, running her hands through his hair. “Y’all fucking?” 

“Yeah,” I answered, gently guiding her out of the booth, “He’s not your type, but it’s good.”

I was off the cushion, rallying our group. It was time to head out into the world. 

I urged Ren to leave some more credits on the table, kissing him, running my hand down his cheek, “Tonight, we can have whatever we want,” I whispered. 

Jenna was still seated on his legs, she ran a hand down my back. 

Ren nodded, his eyes bright, a strange kind of smile on his face. 

The four of us flowed through the club, a bottle in hand, passing it between us. 

Ren had his arm around Jenna’s waist as Ahobri and I led the way through the interior hallways. 

We tumbled out onto a terrace and called for a covered speeder. When one arrived, the four of us loaded in, laughing as we arranged ourselves on the seat in the back. Ahobri sat in my lap, Jenna in Ren’s. 

Ahobri was talking to the driver, telling us to go to Ivory. We kissed on the way there. 

A weight was lifting from my shoulders. 

Surrounded by my friends, with alcohol and orange powder flooding through my veins, I was able to put Otomok behind me. Tonight, there didn’t need to be any questions, or any thoughts. 

I watched the city slide past us. The lights were bright, leaving little trails behind them. 

We all did another round of Euphoria before we got to the club. 

I paid for the ride and we climbed out, moving toward the entrance. 

Ivory was below street level. I could hear the music throbbing, calling out to us as we clambered down the cement steps. 

Ahobri was talking to the security guys. They were letting us in. There was a jarring moment, in a harshly lit square box, where someone in a booth was asking Ren and me to check our blasters. I handed mine over. More people were coming in behind us.

Ren was dazed, and it took him a second to realize what they were asking him. I passed the blaster over. Ahobri took the chip tags. People crowded onto the stairs behind us. 

Jenna opened the door and ushered us inside.

It was dark. Pink and yellow lights slashed through the space, music pressing against the walls and ceiling. I was already bobbing my head, my hips starting to sway. 

I needed to move. I needed to dance. 

We pulled a hostess over to get us a booth and bottle service. I put credits in her hand. 

Ahobri was leading me out to the floor, “We should let Onasi know we’re here.”

We moved across the floor to the other side of the room and up a flight of stairs. 

The security, two handsome men in black suits, let us in. 

Onasi was upstairs with a young Hutt gangster, an Ithorian in red robes, and two Twi’lek women. 

“Ahobri,” she greeted, standing up. They hugged and kissed on the cheek. Onasi was a statuesque, blue Chagrian woman in a slinky, black dress. “Siobhan, you rotten scoundrel, when did you get into town?” she said, motioning me over. 

“Haven’t even been here a full day yet,” I said. 

My body was singing with energy. I tried to play it cool. 

“What happened to your face?” she asked. 

“Siobhan hasn’t even told me yet,” Ahobri said, arching an eyebrow and crossing her arms over her chest. 

“Congratulations on buying your contract,” I said, ignoring the question, “I just heard that you took over the club.”

“Thank you,” Onasi said with a smile, looking between the two of us, “Go enjoy yourselves. Your liquor is on me.”

“You’ll regret that,” I said with a grin and a wink. 

Onasi laughed and shooed us out. 

I took Ahobri’s hand. We moved to the center of the dance floor. 

I let myself be swallowed up by the crowd. 

We danced, my arms over Ahobri’s shoulders, our hips pressed together. 

The crowd pulsed around us. We kissed. Our breath was warm. 

As I closed my eyes, a new world was opening, blossoming inside my skull. 

Ahobri fluttered her eyes open. “You’re different,” she said, her voice filled with curiosity and wonder. 

I opened my mouth to deflect, to brush the question aside. She put a finger to my lips, “Tell me afterwards. Tomorrow tell me everything.”

I put my head on her shoulder, “I will,” I promised, my voice barely a whisper. 

We danced together until we were covered in sweat. 

People joined us. 

Drinks wound up in our hands. 

We shared the vial of little orange powder with our new friends. 

Dizzy, elated, and in love with the world, we took a breather, roaming around the floor to find our booth. Jenna was grinding on Ren, an empty bottle on the table, an open one in her hand. I was impressed. After two hits of Euphoria and whatever they were drinking, Ren still wouldn’t dance. 

Ahobri and I flopped onto the cushions, catching our breath and pouring shots. 

Jenna saw we had returned and slid off of Ren. 

We drank. 

People we had met on the dance floor began to filter by. We invited them into our booth, ordering more bottles. 

The night began to slip away from me, and I surrendered myself to it. 

I was taking Jenna’s hand to dance with her. I felt the metal stud in her tongue as we kissed. 

We were back in the booth, I was dancing on top of the table with a girl I didn’t know. I had a bottle in my hand. 

There was more dancing, the club was packed shoulder to shoulder. The music swallowed me whole. 

Then we were out on the street. 

Ahobri had our two blasters. Ren was pulling me to him, adrift in the city. 

I felt his awareness, the slurred quality of his mind. His head was swaying, his hair was sweaty. 

We were inside of a speeder, tangled on the bench. We were laughing, feet kicking up. 

Ren was devouring me with a kiss. I yelped as he bit my tongue. 

When we returned to the Outpost, Ahobri had my hand in hers, leading me up to one of the upper dance floors. 

“We should make sure people know we have the party room,” she said. 

“Where’re the blasters?” I asked, my forehead pressing to hers. 

“Out of arm’s reach,” she said. 

We weaved through the dance hall. There were lights beneath us. There were lights above us. I wasn’t sure if I was dancing on the floor or on the ceiling. 

I sighed and laughed, my voice soaring overhead. 

Someone I knew spun me around, a smooth arm at my waist. 

“Troye!” I cried. 

“Siobhan, you bitch. I only just heard you were here!” he said. 

I ran my hands through Troye’s black hair and down his cheek. He was beautiful, with smokey eyes and bright-pink lipstick on his full lips. 

We kissed and he took me away to dance for many songs. 

The next thing I knew, Ahobri, Troye, and I were tumbling into the suite, hands clutching each other, kissing greedily. 

Jenna and Ren were already on the bed. The room was bathed in blue and pink lighting. 

Ren had his hand wrapped through a belt around Jenna’s waist, fucking her from behind. He had a riding crop in his hand. 

He stopped still as the three of us jostled through the doorway, not sure what to do. 

“Fuck! Keep going!” Jenna demanded, worked up and angry. 

“You heard her!” I called out, realizing I had a bottle in my hand. I took a pull from it. 

Ren met my eyes and I smiled. He picked up the pace. 

Ahobri, Troye, and I fell onto the bed, laughing and rolling together while Ren laid into Jenna, making her howl and writhe beneath him. 

I felt myself, soaking wet, ready to pull off my clothes and fuck for the rest of the night. I was kissing Ahobri, my hand moving up the skirt that barely covered the tops of her legs. 

Jenna’s moans were getting louder as Ren fucked her hard, the riding crop snapping against her ass and thighs. 

Troye was putting a hand in my pants, sighing as he felt how wet I was. 

I opened my eyes and watched Ren fucking Jenna, his chest sweaty, his hair swaying from side to side in front of his face. 

Jenna orgasmed, howling and shuddering, hands gripping the sheets, her eyes squeezed shut. 

Ahobri kissed her sweetly, a hand on her cheek. Jenna trembled and shook, sliding off of Ren. 

He swayed on his knees, shoulders sloping forward, riding crop dangling in his hand, cock jutting ahead of him. 

Ren reached for me and I separated from Troye. 

“You’re next,” Ren growled climbing on top of me. 

“Take my boots off!” I ordered, laughing and giggling as we kissed. 

Ahobri and Jenna were tangled together now. Troye slid along me, running a hand up Ren’s side. 

When Ren turned around, Troye was leaning in close, his lips against Ren’s neck. 

Ren paused, reaching up a hand, trying to find words, “I don’t… not with men…” he said, his voice gentle. 

I had wondered. 

“Your loss,” was all Troye replied, shifting his attention to Jenna and Ahobri. 

Ren moved on from the moment, taking off my boots, pulling my pants down, falling onto me. He was hot and needy. His pupils were large. Both of us were sweating and panting. 

I felt Ren _pushing_ into me, that electric charge of our awareness, alive and expansive. We could feel the threads of energy, the people around us all dancing and fucking, the city moving, the planet surging…

My eyes were open and Ahobri had turned her head to me. Troye had his face between her legs, and Jenna was teasing her nipples. 

Ahobri felt what was happening between Ren and I. She felt the energy. 

I was curling up, my hand around the back of Ren’s head, bringing his forehead to mine. 

“Too much…” I whispered, sinking back into the room. 

Reluctantly, we pulled back. 

Ren’s thrusts were getting shorter, his jaw tight. He came gasping my name, a hand gripping my ass. 

We collapsed together and Jenna crawled over, kissing both of us, pushing our hair back. 

Troye had Ahobri all worked up. I reached out a hand, feeling her squeeze me as she shuddered and cried out. 

It wasn’t our only go that night. 

People had gotten the word that this was the party suite and began arriving with more alcohol, water pipes, and different kinds of powders. 

Ren had his pants on. His shirt was open. 

I might have had underwear on. 

I remembered looking at my rings. Gold on every finger. 

Girls were dancing on the counters wearing only their heels. I recognized the dancer from earlier, with her wide hips and platinum blonde hair.

People were talking and dancing and fucking. 

The windows of the suite looked out over the city and I thought we were sparkling brighter than any of the lights outside. 

It was a beautiful frenzy. 

Ahobri and I were on the bed, her fingers pulling at my nipples. Her fingertips traced the tattoos and scars on my left forearm. 

For a moment, she saw red sand dunes and fire. We blinked and it was gone. 

Ren had two girls on their knees. I heard their cries and moans as he flogged them and fucked them. 

There was another stretch of darkness, more time passing, and I was on my back. Troye was on top of me, filling me up. Ren held my hand, staring into my eyes as I orgasmed, slippery and muscular. 

Afterwards, Troye kissed both of us, smears of brilliant pink lipstick across my mouth and Ren’s cheek. 

The stretches of darkness grew longer.

All good things must come to an end. 

The last thing I remembered was sitting on top of a counter, Ahobri and I, both naked, passing a bottle between one another, and looking out at the dawn breaking over Neros. 

My home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was so much fun to write. 
> 
> As always, thanks for reading! I love to hear from you in the comments!


	16. Hangovers and Diversions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the day after the party. We get to see everyone in the harsh light of day. 
> 
> Siobhan is going to be confronted with reality. 
> 
> She's catching up with her best friend who hasn't seen her in a year. 
> 
> How will she talk about what she's been through?
> 
> Kylo Ren was taken completely out of his element. How will he react to what he did the night before?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to just go ahead and put in a trigger warning about abusive behavior. Everything that the characters do in this chapter is consensual, but it isn't a healthy dynamic, and I want people to make their own choices about what's comfortable for them. 
> 
> If you want to avoid potential squickiness, it's halfway through section II, with scattered moments for the remainder of the chapter. 
> 
> For folks who have been following this story for a while, I'm delving more deeply into the dynamic I've been establishing between Siobhan and Ren.

**I**

I didn’t remember going to sleep, but I sure as shit remembered waking up. 

The world, so full of life and joy the night before, had become stale and brittle. 

I squinted in the hazy light. Someone had tried to close the slatted metal blinds but had given up halfway. I craned my neck, my immediate surroundings coming to me. 

Ahobri was asleep in my arms, make-up smeared across her face and my shoulder. Her headtails were draped behind my neck, and dangled over the back of the sofa. 

I tried to take stock of the room from where I lay, not ready for movement yet. 

Stale smoke hung in the air. 

The low table in front of the sofa was covered in ash, empty bottles, wrappers, and one red high heel. 

People were asleep on the floor, piled together, their heads draped on whatever body part was most available. 

A musty, throbbing hangover had fully settled over my brain, seeping into my bones. Ahobri and I were both sweaty, but she seemed fully asleep, snoring. 

I was in a bad way, and still not entirely sober. The consequences of the previous night had found me. 

Slowly, slowly, I eased myself up, softly letting Ahobri down onto the couch cushions. 

As I stood, I noticed that there were a handful of people awake and smoking a water pipe near the door. One of them was the dancer from the night before. She must have told me her name, but I didn’t remember it. Her platinum hair was bundled messily. Her eyes were bloodshot and smudged with dark make-up. 

I didn’t look any better. 

Grumbling quietly, I searched through the bottles on the table, trying to find something that still had liquor in it. 

The table was a no-go, so I shuffled to the counter, only vaguely aware that I was naked. 

I found a bottle with some kind of bright blue alcohol at the bottom, and drank. Down the fucking hatch. 

I made my way to the bathroom. I glanced at the bed as I passed it, taking stock of its occupants.

Sideways, at the foot of the bed, was a girl I recognized from Ivory. She was curled up with a Dug that I didn’t know. In the center of the bed, Ren was the big spoon for Troye, who was the big spoon for Jenna, all three slack-jawed and sweaty beneath the sheets. 

That was a surprise. 

In the bathroom, there were three people; a Quarren, an Aqualish, and an Ishi Tib I didn’t know. They were passed out in the tub. The ledge was covered in bottles and ash. 

Some good person had emptied the water out, but everyone was still wet. The Quarren was wearing her street clothes, completely soaked. 

I took a piss. My stomach and intestines were in knots. I stayed, crouched on the toilet, holding my head for a long time. 

When I finally found the strength to leave, I decided to join Ren, taking up the last sliver of space before the edge of the bed. 

He groaned and shifted, trying to figure out what was going on. 

“Morning,” I whispered, kissing his shoulder and spooning him. 

He turned his head towards my voice, squinting open his eyes, a pained expression on his face. He was surprised to see that I was behind him. He turned back around to Troye, nestled in his arms. 

“I thought that was you,” he said, looking down at the head of long black hair, just like mine, resting on his bicep. 

I was smiling and I kissed his shoulder again, “I was on the couch with Ahobri,” I whispered. 

“Oh...” was all Ren said and closed his eyes again. 

We slept fitfully. I was mostly awake, just unwilling to get out of bed. 

People began to wake. They smoked, and searched for their clothes, having mumbled hungover conversations. 

Ahobri joined us on the bed. We scooted over with many grumbles and the readjustment of blankets. 

The girl at the foot of the bed climbed off, but the Dug stayed where he was, solidly passed out. 

Sometime later, Ren climbed out of bed, griping and cursing about being too hot. He strode into the bathroom. I noticed he was wearing pants. 

A minute later, the party from the tub left the bathroom, closing the door behind them and taking up residency on the couch. 

Time passed, and Ren didn’t emerge. I thought about going to check on him, but he seemed like the kind of person who wanted to suffer alone. 

I was curled up with Troye. He snuggled himself against me. I ran my hand down his side. 

When it was clear we were both awake, he turned around, softly kissing me. Our faces were both still smeared with the remains of our make-up from the night before. 

“You were fantastic last night,” he purred, hands at my breasts. He slowly pulled at my bottom lip with his teeth. 

“I know, love,” I crooned back, reaching a hand down and finding that he was hard. 

Troye rolled onto his back and I climbed on top, straddling his hips, lazily sliding myself along his length, warm and wet. 

“So, who’s your big friend?” he asked with a sigh, allowing his head to sink back into the pillows. 

“His name is Kay. He’s my pilot,” I said, glancing towards the closed bathroom door. 

“When he got into bed, I thought he had changed his mind about me,” Troye said with a pout, “But then all he did was mumble your name in my ear.”

“Oh, poor Troye,” I teased, kissing him, “Do you need some attention?” 

He was still hard beneath me, and I reached a hand down, sliding onto him. 

Troye was a delight. He had started working at the Outpost a couple of years after I left. He was beautiful - very feminine, with a large cock - and loved to bottom for men. He enjoyed fucking women in a casual, dispassionate kind of way. 

I slowly rolled my hips on him, loving the way he filled every centimeter of me, stretching me. 

But it wasn’t to be. We had spent all night fucking ourselves silly and after a few minutes he was growing soft, pulling me to him for a kiss. We cuddled and giggled together, Ahobri and Jenna still passed out on either side of us. 

More people were waking up, groaning and shuffling around the room, looking for their things. 

I decided it was time to play hostess. I got out of bed, still naked, helping people find clothing, shoes, purses. As I talked to them, I tried to piece together what had happened during the blank stretches of my memory.

People invited me to join in their morning pick-me-ups as they got ready to leave. I had a few bumps of Blue and drank from bottles that had managed to survive the night. 

Ahobri was finally waking. She sat up, rubbed at her eyes, yawned, and rolled her neck. 

I took a seat next to her, giving her a kiss, “Morning love, how are you feeling?”

“Oh, absolutely awful,” she said breezily, kissing me back, “Anyone order caffeine for us?”

“I can do that,” the dancer said. She was closest to the console by the door. 

“Be a dear, will you?” Ahobri replied to her. 

I was behind Ahobri, massaging her temples and working my fingers at the base of her headtails. 

She sighed and leaned against me, closing her eyes. 

The door to the bathroom opened and Ren emerged, a towel around his waist, his hair wet. He looked uncomfortable and uncertain about being half-naked in a room full of strangers. 

“C’mon over, take a seat,” I said.

He surveyed the bed, with a frown and knitted brows. He saw Jenna, still asleep, on one side, the Dug at the end, starting to twitch and roll over, Troye, Ahobri, and myself. When he was done taking stock of the bed, he began to look around the room. 

“I don’t know where any of my things are,” he said, taking a seat on the corner of the mattress, looking despondent. 

“It’s all somewhere in here,” I assured him, starting to work my fingers down Ahobri’s headtails. 

She sighed, eyes closed. 

Ren was not used to being hungover. Euphoria had a nasty way of dropping you just as low as you had risen. I had the feeling that he hadn’t drunk as much as we had, but all of that was more than what he usually did. 

“I got you,” I told him, “We have caffeine on the way. I’d recommend a couple lines of Blue.”

I motioned to a skinny, male Togruta that had joined the group of people at the water pipe, “Hook us up, will you?”

He nodded and walked over to the low table in front of the couch, where he began cutting out little bumps. Ahobri and I joined him, passing around the little metal straw. 

“You should try it. You’ll feel better,” I told Ren.

Ren watched us with a tired, judgemental glare, shaking his head. 

“Suit yourself,” I said, closing a nostril and sniffing hard, wiping at my nose afterwards. 

The alcohol and stimulants were clearing some of the fog, but it was just a delay. The crash would find me eventually, and it was going to be nasty. 

A host came in with several carafes of caffeine and glasses. Jenna was starting to wake up, and I put a cup next to her. 

I helped Ren find his shirt and jacket, which had been wadded up underneath the bed. I found my satchel there, too. Ren returned to the bathroom to change.

“Ahobri, where are the blasters?” I asked, not seeing them anywhere.

“I had someone stash them in my room,” she replied. 

“Good thinking.”

I gave some credits to the Togruta in exchange for the rest of his Blue.

On the bed, Jenna was awake and sitting up. Her hair had come all undone. Her mohawk was now just tufts of hair sticking up from her head. 

Troye kissed her on the cheek, then joined the group at the waterpipe. 

“I want to go out to the baths,” Ahobri said to me.

We needed time to catch up, just the two of us, “Yeah, let’s head out in a minute.”

Ren emerged from the bathroom in his wrinkled black shirt and pants, his hair hanging in his face. He returned to the corner of the bed. 

“Mornin’, sweetie,” Jenna said, crawling towards him, putting her arms around his shoulders and kissing his cheek. 

He grunted in response. The hangover had brought him back to his usual, standoffish attitude. She took her arms away and shrugged, climbing out of the bed. 

I was looking through the satchel. It looked like Ren had slipped his book in there at some point. I tossed it his way and he caught it, still looking unhappy. My jacket was still rolled up inside. I put it on. My only clothing. 

At the bottom of my satchel was the box with Ahobri’s gift inside. I had forgotten about it. 

I turned to Ren, “Ahobri and I are going out to the baths. You’re good to just hang out in the room. People will bring you food, booze, whatever you need, just use the console. I highly recommend that you just keep drinking.”

He looked up with a just-kill-me expression. 

I found that my pants had travelled underneath the couch. I climbed into them and helped Ahobri into her dress, zipping it up in the back. 

Ren had flopped backwards onto the bed. The Dug was still passed out cold at the foot. 

I clapped my hands loudly, “All right!” I announced, getting the attention of the stragglers left in the room, “I’m leaving for the day, so it’s time to get the fuck out of here. I love you all. You are my dearest friends. But it is time to go.” 

The group of three on the couch startled. The people around the water pipe shrugged and began to put down the hoses. 

We had to physically shake the Dug to get him out of bed. He scrambled to the bathroom to puke. 

I said some temporary goodbyes to Jenna and Troye. I slipped Jenna fifty more credits and gave her a kiss on the cheek. 

The Dug shuffled out of the bathroom, one foot across his belly and one near his snout. He looked like he was going to be sick for the rest of the day.

In a few minutes the room was cleared out. It was just me, Ahobri, and Ren. 

“There,” I told him, taking a heavy seat on the bed and brushing hair away from his face, “You can be sad and hungover all by yourself now.”

Ren groaned, “I’ve never felt this bad in my entire life…”

“That’s why I recommend drinking. And a few lines of Blue,” I said cheerfully, patting his chest, “If you change your mind and want some company, you can request that on the console, too.”

Ren arched an eyebrow, giving me a sour look. 

Ahobri was near the door, heels in her hand, ready to leave. She was going to work the evening shift; for her, time was limited.

“I’ll be back in a few hours,” I said, standing up, “Good luck.”

***

Ahobri and I navigated the interior hallways of The Outpost, making our way to her room. 

“Is Kay going to make it?” she asked, with a laugh. 

“We’ll find out,” I replied with a shrug and grimacing smile. 

We moved down a few floors to the staff dormitories. As a manager, Ahobri had her own room. It was just like I remembered, small and cramped. She had filled it with furniture. She had a massive bed beneath her window that took up most of the space. Her closet was open, bursting with clothes, costumes, and shoes. What couldn’t fit in the closet was strewn all over her bed and the floor. 

She was the most organized woman I had ever met, and yet her room was always a disaster. Anyone who had ever shared a space with her always complained that she never picked up her things.

I took off my boots and flopped down on her bed. Ahobri peeled off her dress, dropping it on the floor, and put on a white, silk robe that was draped over the back of a chair. She took a seat at her vanity, turning on the lights surrounding the outside edge of the mirror. She pulled out a tub of make-up wipes, taking a handful for herself before tossing the container to me. 

“Thanks,” I said, pulling one out and starting to wipe at my face. I didn’t need a mirror to get the job done. I did it by feel. Every centimeter of skin needed to be cleaned. 

The two blasters and their holsters were hanging from the back of the chair. I made a mental note to pick them up when we were done with the baths. 

“But seriously, Siobhan,” Ahobri was saying, “Who the fuck is that guy?”

She wasn’t willing to wait, after all. 

I didn’t know how to respond. I wasn’t ready to get into it. I wiped at my eyes and mouth with the make-up remover, stalling for time. 

“Like I said, he was my pilot on my last job-” I began. I wasn’t going to tell Ahobri that the hungover man we had left behind was Kylo Ren.

“Don’t lie to me Siobhan,” Ahobri interrupted sharply. She turned around to fix me with a look. Her large, brown eyes pinned me in place. She pointed a finger at me, “You can lie to everyone else, but not to me,” she said, suddenly serious, “I haven’t talked to you for a fucking year, and then you turn up out of nowhere with this weird guy, too much money, and all these scars. I want to know what the fuck happened.”

I sat cross-legged on top of her sheets, the wet papery towel in my hand, trying to figure out what I was going to tell her. I didn’t know where to begin.

It was still several moments until I spoke. Ahobri’s expression softened as she looked at me. 

“I’m working for the First Order now,” I finally said. 

I don’t know what I had been thinking, coming here. Ahobri knew that something was up. She had felt my aura last night. She had seen a flash of memory from Korriban as she touched the scars and tattoos on my arm. The drugs had left us far too open to each other. We were too close. I couldn’t hide anything from her. 

“Siobhan…?” Ahobri said with surprise, her eyes narrowing. 

She slid out of the chair, and joined me on the bed, taking my hand. 

“I just got done with a job. This was my first opportunity to get away for a few days.” I was staring down at the sheets, gathering my thoughts. I looked at the blankets, bunched and wrinkled underneath my legs for a long time.

Ahobri waited patiently for me to speak. I was never at a loss for words. She knew how serious this was. 

“Look, I don’t think I can tell you everything, not right away,” I finally said, “I can tell you some of what’s going on, but I can’t tell you everything.”

Ahobri was nodding with a thoughtful frown, her bottom lip between her teeth, “If you’re working for the First Order, then you found Lord Ymir.” Her hand was squeezing mine. 

Tears started pouring out of my eyes - too sudden for me to stop them. 

“That’s right,” I said softly. My throat was tight. 

Ahobri held my hand in hers.

My thoughts were all jumbled in my brain. The drugs had left my mind unsettled. 

I wiped at the tears with my jacket sleeves. 

“It’s been so many years since you told me that story,” Ahobri said, “I know you said that you were going to find him, but… I mean…”

“You didn’t expect me to actually do it?” I asked with a grin. My eyes were wet and I knew my face was splotchy. 

“How the fuck did you manage it?” Ahobri asked with her own smile. 

I made another pass with jacket sleeve, the fabric was rough against my skin. “It was a lot of luck,” I said, “My last job with the Resistance, our ship was shot down. The First Order captured me and I cut a deal with them.”

I couldn’t bring myself to tell her I had helped them take my old base. 

“Ymir remembered me,” I continued, “He was actually waiting for me to find him.”

“Holy shit…” Ahobri said, eyes widening and head slightly shaking as she took in the information, “I’m going to get us something to drink,” she said, grabbing a bottle of whiskey from the side of her bed. 

She handed it to me, and I drank from the neck.

“So, are you going to tell me who that guy is?” she asked as I passed her the bottle. 

“He’s an officer,” I said, taking the bottle back, “It was easier to bring him along with me. If anyone asks, he can say we both spent all our time drinking and whoring.”

Ahobri smirked, eyes sparkling, “I have so many questions for you,” she said. I passed her the bottle again. 

The alcohol was warming my throat and belly, putting layers between me and my hangover. 

“What were you talking about with Jukhara?” she asked. 

“I’m trying to get her a contract,” I said, “They have a lot of officers and not a lot of shore leave.”

Ahobri was already doing mental math, a spark of excitement in her eyes, “Was she interested?” she tried to pass the bottle back to me, but I declined for the moment. 

“She pretended that she wasn’t. But, once she gets a number from them, I think she’ll bite.”

“That’s huge,” Ahobri said, “What’s your cut?”

“I told her fifteen percent,” I said with a grin. 

Ahobri laughed and slapped my thigh, “Good fucking luck with that.”

We sat on the bed, grinning and catching up just like usual, but Ahobri wasn’t going to let the conversation move on completely. 

“So you’re working for the First Order now…” she mused, “Show me your arm again. I wasn’t in the right state when I saw the marks last night.”

I frowned, “I’d rather not.”

Ahobri gave me a look, lips pursing together, “Siobhan...”

I bristled, but she just sat there, staring at me expectantly. 

With a sigh, I shrugged off my green jacket. I still wasn’t wearing a shirt. Ahobri took a hold of my left arm, running her fingers over the uneven tattoos and the raised scars. 

“What the fuck is this? Is this from lock-up?” She paused, brows knitted and lips pressed together, “I saw something last night. It was all red, a desert…?”

I took my arm back, “It wasn’t an easy transition to the First Order. Can we leave it at that?” My tone was sharper than I had planned. 

“I’m asking because I care about you,” Ahobri said, not backing down, “There’s something different about you. There always was, but it didn’t feel like like this before,” she took a breath before continuing, “And I felt it from the guy too, both of you.”

We had never talked about the Force before. The Jedi, the Sith, that was a myth from another era of the Galaxy. It wasn’t part of our lives. 

Ahobri wasn’t going to let it rest. I needed to give her something, “I’ve gone through some really serious shit these past few cycles,” I said, “I’m not ready to talk about all of it…”

I hated being like this. It was so dramatic. It made me feel so lonely, even sitting across from my closest friend. 

She waited for me to finish. 

“Ahobri, I’ve missed you so much,” I said fresh tears rolling down my cheeks, “This past job… I crossed a line. I didn’t realize I was crossing a line, until it was too late. I just… I want to talk to you about all of this, but I don’t think I can…”

She was pulling me to her. My cheek rested against her shoulder, tears dropping onto the white silk. 

Her hand ran down my hair. She rubbed my back. I wept quietly, making small gasps as I drew in air, my lips trembling. 

Ahobri let me cry, patient and kind. 

“I love you, Siobhan,” she said, after some time. 

I shook my head, my nose against her shoulder, an ugly frown on my face, “I hurt a lot of people, Ahobri,” I said, moving back, “I thought it was going to be like my old smuggling jobs, but it felt different. I did something really bad.”

There was ice pumping through my heart. 

I felt sick. I didn’t want to put her in this position - having me tearfully confessing to her, while still not saying anything at all. 

She reached out her hand, grasping mine again. She took in a breath, feeling with me. Ahobri understood the shape of my pain, but there was pride and strength too. 

She pulled me close again, squeezing tightly. I could feel her crying, tears dropping onto my bare skin. 

“I think that you were born to fight,” she finally said, “I don’t know what to say about you hurting people. I believe you, but I can’t be the one to forgive you for that…”

I laughed, a sudden bark of sound. I wiped at my eyes and nose. 

Ahobri made a wry expression, still holding tightly to my other hand, “Eight years ago you told me you were going to find Lord Ymir, and now you have and… that’s… that’s incredible. I don’t know anyone else that could do that.”

“Fuck, Ahobri. I don’t know what I did to deserve you,” I said, still fighting the tears in my eyes and the snot running out of my nose. 

“I don’t know what you did, either,” she teased with a curling smile, kissing my cheek.

We let ourselves fall onto the bed, restful and gentle with one another. 

I kissed my way along her body- her cheeks, down her chest, her arms her fingers, her breasts. 

I came to rest on her low belly, one ear to the side. My head rose and fell with her breath. My body was just between her legs. Her hand lay peacefully on the side of my face. 

There was space for both of us to think. 

My thoughts turned towards killing Ymir. 

That was the goal. It was my whole reason for wanting him to take me in, to train me. I was going to become strong enough to kill him. 

Everything had become so muddled and confused. 

Our fight on Korriban had shaken me. He had completely overpowered me. I was alive because he had given me a choice. He could have killed me inside the Academy, and he decided not to. 

But I was stronger now. My connection to the Force was so much deeper. I had the control to bring down a mountain. That had to mean something.

Ahobri was the one to break the silence, “Let’s get into the city,” she finally said, “We can put this aside for a little while.”

We passed the bottle of whiskey between us as we dressed. 

I had my pants and my boots, and I borrowed a shirt from Ahobri’s closet. I wrapped my hair up in a sloppy ponytail, wanting to get it off my neck. 

She was pulling on a loose, colorful outfit; cloth pants with a busy pattern of purple, orange, and blue, and a slouchy black shirt. 

Ahobri handed me a large blue wrap so that I could tie her headtails. It was a longstanding tradition with us.

“So your ‘pilot’ is in love with you. Want to tell me about that?” she asked, as I took a seat behind her.

I grimaced, “Not really.” I focused my attention on the wrap, securing it around Ahobri’s head, then twirling it down her long headtails. 

“He was watching you all night, even with Jenna all over him,” Ahobri said with a smirk. 

I sighed, “Yeah, I figured as much. I hope he gets over it.” I took the bundle of fabric and made a circular wrap at the back of Ahobri’s head, pinning it in place. 

“Always the heartbreaker,” she laughed. 

Ren was volatile and lonely. That wasn’t going to be a good day. 

**II**

We left the Outpost through the staff exits. 

I had borrowed a pair of tinted glasses from Ahobri, and somehow the sun was still dazzlingly bright. 

My hangover tightened its grip on me as we moved through the humid, crowded streets. 

We grabbed food on the way - fried starch and greasy meat, wrapped in a cone of wax paper. 

The baths were a true oasis in the city - showers, pools, saunas, and dim rooms with crystals and salt lamps. Attendants moved through the building offering scrubs, body masks, massages, hair removal - all for a little coin. 

It was a very public space, busy on most days, overcrowded on others. 

Ahobri wasn’t going to ask me more questions about the First Order here. She knew better. 

As we soaked in the hot pools, I got to catch up on her life. 

“Well it’s nothing like what you’ve been doing,” she said, doing that self-deprecating thing I hated. 

“I’m not exactly making positive contributions to the world,” I scowled.

She filled me in on what had happened this past year. I heard about the relationships, the drama and heartbreaks. She shared the gossip, all the squabbles and pettiness of brothel life. 

We moved from the pools to the sauna. When we got back to the pools I ordered us drinks, something colorful and fruity. 

“After Onasi bought her contract, Jukhara started to talk to me about becoming a partner in the business,” she said, “I’m managing those two floors and I’m doing more work with some of our big clients. She’s been really happy with my work, and I think I’m going to get more responsibilities this year.”

I looked over to her, a warm grin on my face, “That’s such good news!” I said feeling proud of her, “You’ve always had a head for business. The staff looks up to you.”

Ahobri was smiling in return, “Girl, there are still plenty of days where I feel like burning that place down and starting over,” she shook her head, “Sometimes it’s like herding shaaks. When the patrons and the staff are all misbehaving at the same time, I’ll picture myself walking out the door and boarding a ship for the next star system.”

I put my drink down, “That’s still an option,” I said, giving her a purposeful look. 

She gazed back at me, “If Jukhara wasn’t giving me more responsibility, then maybe I would,” she said with a shrug, “I like it here. It’s my home.”

I sighed and let my head rest against the ledge of the pool, appreciating the steam rising up around me, “I know what you mean,” I said, closing my eyes, “Even after all this time, it still feels like home to me, too.”

***

The afternoon was was stretching towards evening. It was time for Ahobri to get ready for the evening shift. 

We did a couple of lines of Blue as we dried off and put on our street clothes. 

It was a crutch. The hangover was coming for me, but I could keep it at bay for a little while longer with more alcohol and stimulants. 

Clean and a little giddy, we held hands as we strolled towards the Outpost. 

I made a stop to pick up food for Ren and me - soup, dumplings, and fried noodles.

We returned to Ahobri’s room. We procrastinated on our goodbyes. 

The box of jewelry was still at the bottom of my satchel. I pulled it out. “I got these for you,” I said, handing her the wooden box. 

“Were you holding onto this since yesterday?” Ahobri teased as she opened the lid. Her attitude changed when she saw the jewelry, “Siobhan, these are gorgeous.”

She set the box on the counter and picked up one of the armbands, turning it over, running her fingers over the delicate metal filigree and inlaid gemstones. 

I gathered up the two blasters and holsters, shoving them into the satchel. 

“You should take my comms information,” she said, “I have a secure line, now that I’m doing client relations.” I was taking off her borrowed shirt, but she stopped me. “Don’t be silly, Siobhan, just keep it,” she said, waving a hand at me. 

She gave me the code to her secure line, “Now, I expect you to stay in touch. I can keep my ear to the ground about that deal you’re trying to make with Jukhara.”

“Thanks, Ahobri,” I said, wrapping her in a hug. 

We squeezed each other, and she put a hand to my face as we separated, meeting my eyes, “You’ve always been strong Siobhan,” she said, “I don’t know everything that you’re dealing with, but you’ll find a way through it.”

“I always do,” I said, trying to keep the bitterness from my smile, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she said. 

We kissed, sweet and quiet. 

Then it was time for me to go. 

I shouldered the satchel and left the room, making my way back up to the suite. 

***

Ren was in bed reading his book. When he turned towards me, there was a look of wry amusement in his eyes. 

“I brought food!” I announced, holding up the bag, “I figured you’d be hungry by now.”

I walked over and sat down heavily on the bed, putting the warm bag of takeout near him.

He looked all right, a little paler than usual. There were dark rings beneath his eyes, but it could have been worse. 

“You look like you’re recovering,” I said to him with a grin.

Someone had been by to clean the room. The vents had been run, and the smell of smoke was gone. All of the ash, bottles, and garbage had been picked up. 

“We need to talk,” he said, closing the book. His tone was calm and there was some light in his eyes.

I looked at him expectantly, letting the smile linger on my face. 

There were a thousand things that I could imagine him wanting to talk about. I waited. 

“You lied to me,” he said, leaning forward, putting a couple of fingers beneath my chin. 

I gazed back at him with a fiery expression. I had lied to him about a lot of things. 

“You made it sound like this was a place you dropped into sometimes,” he continued, “Not that you knew every single person here.” Ren was keeping his tone light, almost playful. His eyes were very dark. 

I was closest to the blasters, tangled in their holsters inside my satchel. 

“You wouldn’t have agreed to go with me if I had told you that,” I said nonchalantly, pushing his hand aside. 

Ren had his lips pressed together. “I wouldn’t have,” he agreed. 

“But you had fun last night,” I said with a toothy smile, opening the bag of take-away. I was going to play this cool and sweet until he proved that he wanted to fight with me. 

Ren had a hand on my arm, pulling me towards him, kissing me. 

“I was having fun,” he said with a growl, “Until this morning, then I wondered if you were actually trying to kill me all along.”

His teeth nipped at my tongue, and his hand was at my throat, playful and threatening. 

“Everything has a price,” I snarled, wriggling in his grip. 

Ren laughed, sharp and sudden, letting me go. 

“How many people did you fuck last night?” I asked, legs curling up beneath me on the bed. I was still in my boots. 

He snorted, bringing a hand to his forehead, “Honestly… I can’t remember,” he said, fighting a smile, “Six? More?”

“Well, I know that Jenna had fun,” I said, opening the container of dumplings and passing it over to him. He put it on the short table next to the bed, steam wafting up.

He knew that I was distracting him.

“Troye is going to be crushing on you for a while,” I continued, feeling jagged, pushing at him with my words. 

Ren crawled forward, pushing me onto my back, his hands on my wrists, “Oh he seemed to enjoy you plenty.” He sat on my hips, his weight pressing me down. 

“You liked watching him fuck me?” I taunted, arching towards him. 

I could feel his violence rising just as strong as his desire. 

“No,” Ren answered, coldly, his jaw moving forward. He leaned in close to me, gathering my wrists in one hand, the other moving to rest on my chest, feeling my pulse quicken, my breath growing shallow with anticipation, “I hated watching him fuck you.”

His voice was so calm and low. 

A thrill of fear moved through me, making me wet. 

I twisted beneath his hands, and Ren took the opportunity to roll me onto my belly. 

Before I could react, he had my legs in his hands, dragging me towards the end of the bed. My knees were on the floor. 

He pulled my pants down my ass, a hand resting firmly on my low back to keep me in place while he tugged at his zipper. 

Ren fucked me hard. 

He fucked me jealously, angrily. 

I howled and struggled beneath him, a grand show. I wanted it. 

A part of me loved this, goading him to anger. 

“I thought about it all day,” Ren snarled, smacking my ass with the flat of his hand. Pain bloomed, sharp and red across my flank. “All those men with their hands on you last night…”

Ren was fucking me with abandon, hard and brutal. 

I was screaming - knees raw against the carpet, my fingers digging into the sheets. 

“Ren…” I cried. 

He smacked me again and there were tears in my eyes from the pain. 

“Use my fucking name!” 

It was too much for me. It was exactly where I wanted to be, body overwhelmed, mind growing empty under the barrage of sensation.

“Kylo-!” I gasped, feeling the way my body responded, gripping him, “Ren!”

My orgasm washed over me, starting at my scalp and rushing down my spine. I trembled and spasmed. Ren began to fuck me harder, his own groans and cries above me. He had a hand on my shoulders, a hand on the back of my head, pushing my face down. 

I took it - the weight, the pressure, the pain. 

He was growling and grunting as his own orgasm rushed through him. He fucked me as hard as he could, making sure he was deep inside of me, as deep as he could possibly go.

I liked jealous sex. I liked the danger - the effort men put into trying to reclaim me for themselves. 

Afterwards, I lay catching my breath, my head to the side, body still splayed out at the edge of the mattress.

Ren wetly slipped from me, zipping his pants back up, patting my upper thigh. 

He sat beside me on the bed and, when he kissed me, his lips were soft. He ran his hand down my back and slapped my ass one more time before tugging my pants back up. 

I sprawled face down on the mattress for another few moments. 

The alcohol, stimulants, and my orgasm were all fogging up my brain. I felt dizzy. 

“Sometimes, I hate you,” Ren said, his knuckles tracing softly down my cheek. 

I rolled onto my back with a smile, hitching up my pants a little higher and letting my arms flop behind me on the bed. 

“I know,” I replied with a contented sigh. 

There was something unspoken, something hanging in the air between us. Ren wanted to have me all to himself. He wanted to control me. 

That would never happen. 

I sat up, bringing my legs up onto the bed, crossed beneath me. I turned to the bag and took out the container of soup, drinking from the lip. 

“It’s still hot,” I said, passing it to him. 

Ren took it from me, staring at me for a long moment, letting the emotion between us pass. 

He drank the soup and I opened the container of noodles. The smell of salt and spices rose up towards my nose. 

He turned around to grab the container of dumplings. 

We ate on top of the covers. I was glad to be doing something uncomplicated.

“So how do you know this place, really?” Ren finally asked. 

“I used to work here,” I said, popping a dumpling into my mouth. They had gone cold. 

“When?” Ren asked, eyebrow knitting down, “You said you were with the Resistance the past five years.”

I nodded, “That’s right. It was before that. I worked here eight years ago.” 

I was searching for any remaining meat hiding in the fried noodles. 

Ren’s nose was wrinkling as he did the math, “But you were nineteen…”

“Seventeen when I started, twenty when I bought my contract from my Madame,” I said easily, as I chewed a piece of meat.

He tilted his head, as if seeing me in a new light. 

“There aren’t a lot of jobs in the city for girls who only know how to operate farm equipment,” I said with a shrug.

“I didn’t know that,” Ren said, eyes fixed on me, “When I was seventeen, I was on Kotrea. Lord Ymir was training me…”

“We’ve led very different lives,” I said, nodding my head. A grin tugged at the corner of my mouth, “This was a good place to work. I made a lot of friends here.”

“You’re close with that Twi’lek girl,” Ren said, eyeing me again. 

I wanted to correct him, to make him use her name, but it was better that he didn’t remember. If he did remember and was just riling me up, I wasn’t going to take the bait. 

“What did you talk to her about?” he asked.

I popped another dumpling in my mouth, chewing widely, “Oh I told her everything,” I said breezily, “I told her that I’m a Sith, that I’m working for Ymir and Snoke…”

Ren was glaring at me, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“I told her that the hungover guy that we left in the suite was really Kylo Ren, terror of the Galaxy.”

“Siobhan just… stop. Will you?” he was being sincere as his temper spiked.

I grinned and finished swallowing the dumpling, giving him part of the truth, “We had girl time. I haven’t seen her in over a year. She caught me up on the gossip.”

“And what did you tell her you were doing?” Ren asked, seriously.

“She doesn’t know shit,” I lied, “I told her I had been in some rough scrapes with the Resistance and had gone back to smuggling. There’s no reason for her to be suspicious.”

He looked at me for another few moments, trying to figure out if he could believe me. 

“Let me take you out,” I said, patting his upper arm, “There’s more to this city.”

**III**

We gathered up our things. My little red bandeau was laying out on the counter of the bathroom. I shoved it into the satchel. 

Ren and I strapped our blasters on, mine on my thigh, his on his belt. 

I left a tip on the low table in front of the couch, and we left The Outpost without fanfare. 

By the time we were outside, it was evening again. Zeltros loomed overhead, partially obscured by clouds, air traffic, and the buildings rising into the sky. 

“I’ll take you to The Atrium,” I said, “It’s fun this time of day.”

We walked through the busy streets. In the city itself, we were surrounded by signs and advertisements. Apartments, shops, and food stalls stretched on endlessly, levels rising above and below us. 

I loved the anonymity of the crowds. We passed the rich and poor, the young and old. We were just two humans, strolling hand in hand. For a few blessed hours, there was nothing special about us. 

On the way, I grabbed a large bottle of beer, drinking while giving Ren the tour. 

The Atrium was a massive evening market, nicer than the stalls in Gungantown.

It took up ten city blocks, rising twenty stories high. The entire area was done up in lights, giving it a glitzy, carnival atmosphere. 

I was starting to feel properly drunk again. Ren was quiet, letting me lead him around, soaking everything up with his dark and serious gaze. 

Down at the street-level were all the buskers and underground theaters. People stood outside hawking and passing out fliers, trying to draw people in. 

“Sir! Madam! Come and visit the Ronto Room,” a rakish Trandoshan said, smoothly placing a flier in my hand, “Fifteen credits for the finest comedy and cabaret in the system!”

“The whole system, you don’t say?” I replied with a grin. 

“Our performers will delight you,” the Trandoshan continued with his patter, “We have singers and burlesque. Tempest Storm is dancing tonight.”

I turned to Ren, “Let’s check it out.”

He shrugged. I bought two tickets. 

The theater was smoky and packed with people. 

I got us a spot on the upper balcony and had a hostess bring us alcohol and snacks. 

Ren was tolerant. 

The first performer was a comedian, telling jokes alone on the stage while people heckled him. The next was a female Twi’lek dancer wearing only a ruffled skirt - she had a much better reception. After that was a man juggling fire. 

“Can we go now?” Ren said, shoulders sloping in boredom. 

“It’s just the first acts. They’re still filling the room,” I said, ignoring him. 

Next was a contortionist, then someone doing complicated acrobatics from a rope in the ceiling. 

The room was packed to the gills now, warm and filled with laughter and conversation. I ordered more drinks, letting myself get good and drunk. Across from me, Ren was patient, nursing his first drink. 

I loved the burlesque performers, and every now and then, I’d catch Ren enjoying himself as women and men sashayed across the stage, all glitter and tassels. 

Then a woman came on wearing a First Order cap and coat, with black fishnets and sky-high heels. She had a prop cane and did a teasing dance. 

The crowd went wild. Ren sighed and looked away, mouth drawing down. 

I was grinning as she shook her ass and undid the front of the uniform, pushing her tits forward. 

Suddenly, another man was on stage with a prop blaster. His jacket had Rebel insignia on both arms and on the back, just in case people weren’t paying attention. She made a high-pitched squeal and began to run around the stage, the man in hot pursuit. 

He caught her and bent her over his knee, pretending to smack her ass with the cane. She struggled and cried out, legs kicking up. The audience was cheering. She began to beg for more, begging for discipline, saying she had been a very naughty General.

I was cackling, along with everyone else in the dark smoky theater. 

“This is stupid,” Ren said grumpily, standing up from the table. 

“It’s just a show,” I said, waving my hand at him so he would sit back down. 

He didn’t. I shouldn’t have been surprised. 

“I’m going,” Ren said, starting to move through the tightly packed crowd.

He was taller than most of the people here. They made room for him.

Of course he was going to make a scene. 

I sighed angrily and picked up my drink, following him out of the little theater. 

By the time I got outside, he was already on the other side of the street, hands in his pockets, leaning against a pole. 

“C’mon,” I said, “It was a fucking performance. Have a sense of humor.”

“It was disrespectful,” Ren said with a sour frown. 

“Of course it was,” I replied, pointing at him, the beer still in my hand, “That’s all that people have left. You’ve taken everything else from them.”

Ren stared at me. 

We were in the middle of a very public street. 

Now was not the time to have a fight, but I could feel it boiling inside both of us. 

“Fuck you, Siobhan,” Ren said with a scowl, turning his back on me, beginning to move down the sidewalk.

That was all the encouragement I needed. 

“No, fuck you,” I replied, angrily walking after him. His legs were longer, so I had to trot, which only made me more upset, “You have so much power, and you’re going to get all pissed about a fucking theater show?!”

I was trying to keep my voice down, but I needed to make sure he heard me. 

Ren stopped and whirled around. I almost smacked into him and he caught my wrists, “This is not the place to have this conversation,” he growled, roughly letting me go. 

I glared back at him, rubbing my wrists. After drinking so much, I did not have control over my emotions. I was pissed, but I had enough sense not to start a screaming row in the street like I wanted to. 

Instead, I threw the bottle, with beer still at the bottom, towards the nearest wall. I was already walking away as it shattered. Beer and tiny shards of glass went flying. People cried out in surprise, others were giving me nasty looks. 

But I had a big scar on my face and a blaster at my thigh. No one was going to do anything. 

Ren was striding after me. We walked side by side, the air crackling between us. 

I was so glad Ahobri wasn’t here to see this. 

I steered us in the general direction of the hangar where Rosie was parked. The streets began to clear out as we got closer to Gungantown. 

“I can’t figure you out, Siobhan,” Ren snarled, as we walked. This part of the city was darker and emptier than The Atrium, “You took out a terrorist cell, now you’re angry at me for not wanting to sit through some ridiculous show.”

“They weren’t terrorists,” I spat, keeping my voice down, my arms crossed over my chest. 

“What?” Ren sneered. 

I turned to him, “They were protecting their planet. They weren’t fucking terrorists,” I repeated, trying to keep my voice down. 

This was a very, very bad conversation to have out in the middle of a major city. 

We stood, bathed in lights from the signs around us, trash at our feet. People zipped by on speeders and hoverboards. Right next to us was a homeless couple, sleeping inside a stoop, sharing one ragged blanket. 

“Then what would you call them?” Ren said, not backing down. 

“Freedom fighters,” I replied, storming off ahead. 

“If you’re having regrets, don’t take it out on me,” Ren called out, easily catching up. 

I whirled around to him, my eyes blazing, “You don’t fucking get it,” I snapped, jabbing a finger at his chest. 

I needed to shut up. 

Ren grabbed my hand. His eyes were dark. I watched a muscle in his jaw twitch.

“They were hanging on by a thread,” I said, keeping my voice as low as I could, “They never stood a chance against us. We didn’t prove ourselves. They were outgunned the entire time.”

Ren let go of my hand, taking a step back, “You think I don’t know that?” he said, his voice soft now. 

I sighed and turned back around, heading towards the garage. I shoved my hands in my pockets. 

“You treat me like I’m an idiot, like I don’t understand anything about the Galaxy,” Ren growled as he caught back up, walking alongside me, “Where the fuck do you think I grew up?”

> I was at Luke’s side as the First Order emerged. My mother organized the front lines. I was there for those battles.

He snarled.

And I was on a farm in the Outer Rim, herding shaaks and skipping rocks in the pond, blissfully unaware of everything. 

I reached out a hand to him, trying to apologize with my eyes. Ren pulled away. 

“Where have you been leading us?” he asked, turning his head to the side, so he wouldn’t have to look at me. 

“To my ship,” I answered without any attitude. 

We walked in silence for the next several blocks, both of us feeling sore. 

There was a fat Kubaz attendant at the entrance. I needed to pay another thirty credits for the extra day. 

I slapped the coins in his hand and took the elevator up, Ren standing as far away from me as he could in the small, grated-metal cage. 

I strode towards Rosie, and opened the ramp to the cargo bay. Ren was right behind me. I closed the ramp and began to open the floorboards. 

“Ymir has his little power fantasies and blows smoke up our asses about being part of his special new order,” I said, punching in the code. 

There was a click as the magnetic locks on the floorboards released. 

“But at the end of the day, we’re just his pawns, doing his dirty work for him,” I finished. I _lifting_ the panel up, along with the kitbag beneath it. 

Ren took the kitbag from the air. I sealed the panel with abrupt movements. 

“We’re his apprentices. He’s training us. That’s how it works,” Ren said, putting the kitbag on the work table and turning towards me. 

I shrugged and spat, “That’s why you’re the good student. He didn’t need to abandon you on Korriban for half a cycle.”

Ren pressed his lips together and crossed his arms. 

He looked so human like this - the dark circles under his eyes, the hair hanging on either side of his face, the wrinkled clothes. 

“Forgive me for having respect for my teacher,” Ren said. 

I sighed and rolled my eyes, “Let’s just get out of here, okay?” I said, walking down the hallway to the cockpit. 

Ren followed me, “You’re drunk. I’ll pilot us.”

Fine. That was something I wasn’t willing to argue with him about. 

The bottle of whiskey was still sitting out on the console. I picked it up, legs curled beneath me in the copilot’s seat. 

“I’m not going to let you drink any more,” Ren said. He got to work warming up the engines. 

The part of my brain that was still reasonable agreed with him, but the angry, prideful part of my brain was in full control. 

I took out the stopper and began slowly lifting the bottle to my lips, making a show of it. 

“I will break that fucking bottle in your hand.” 

He was serious. 

It cut through my attitude. 

I put the stopper in place again, and put the bottle back on the console. 

We made it all the way through atmosphere without saying another word to each other. The tension between us was like a third person in the cockpit.

When we reached open space, Ren left the engines idling while working on the hyperspace coordinates. Travelling to the uncharted regions made the calculations harder. There weren’t set hyperspace lanes. We’d have to be careful, or else we’d swing through the path of an unknown planet or asteroid belt. 

“I know that Lord Ymir and the Superior General see me for my name first, and my abilities second,” Ren said. 

I was staring out the window, wrapped up in my own clouded thoughts. It took me a moment to catch up. 

I turned to Ren. He was still looking down, punching numbers into the console. 

“You act like I don’t know that,” he said, “You act like you’re the only one who knows the score.”

He was right. 

I just stared at him. Talking hadn’t helped the situation. 

“So, what’s really bothering you?” Ren asked, “I’ve never seen you like this.” His tone wasn’t kind. His words were clipped and angry. He was still gazing down at the console. 

Everything was bothering me. The mission. The First Order. The fact that we were headed to Starkiller Base. I had spent the entire day in my home, where my main problems used to be keeping food in my belly and a roof over my head. 

My thoughts and emotions swirled around with the alcohol in my brain. 

“We don’t have reason to be proud of ourselves for Otomok,” I finally said.

Ren had finished the hyperspace coordinates. He looked up at me. 

“And that’s all Ymir did. Him, Ekene, the Commander, they all praised us for what a good job we did - that we were better than Hux…”

Despite himself, Ren flashed a grin, lines appearing by his mouth. 

“... I know it was my decision. I know what I did,” I said, frowning as I tried to put my emotions into words. 

I couldn’t tell Ahobri about this, but maybe I could tell Ren. He was in it, even deeper than I was. He might understand. 

“It was a job,” I continued, trying to get at what I meant, “It was a brutal, ugly, unfair job, just so the First Order can have their fucking superweapon on schedule.”

Ren was silent for a couple of beats, letting me have my moment. 

“Would you do it again?” he asked. 

Those words cut right through to my heart. 

Silence stretched between us. 

Tears started falling down my face. 

Ren waited.

“Would you do it again?” he repeated, pushing me to give an answer. 

I didn’t need to think about it. I already knew, but I wasn’t willing to say it. Silence returned. 

Ren waited, fixing me with his dark eyes. 

“Yes…” I finally said. 

“That’s what it means to be a Sith,” Ren said, taking my hand. Tears kept flowing down my face. There was gentleness in his gaze, kindness. 

I had already cried too much today. 

“I’ve never felt your connection with the Darkside waver,” Ren said, intending for the sentence to be comforting, “So take those feelings, take that frustration, that anger, everything else. Explore it. Use it. It will only make you stronger.”

Tears were pouring down my cheeks as Ren took us into hyperspace. I found that there was a deep well inside of me. I hiccuped, becoming frightened as the tears kept rushing over my bottom lids. 

With the ship cruising through hyperspace, there wasn’t any reason to stay in the cockpit. 

Not saying a word, Ren stood from the captain’s chair and picked me up, cradling me all the way to my bunk. 

He set me down on top of the sheets and left the room. 

He came back with a cup of water. 

I was shaking as I took it, carefully sipping in bed. This was pathetic. 

“I’ve been like this, too,” Ren said, sitting on the side of the bunk, rubbing my back, “It’s going to be okay.”

He sat, patient and still, rubbing my back as I finished the water. I hiccuped, still crying as I drank. 

I curled up onto my side, and he stayed where he was, keeping a hand on me. 

I sniffled, and wept, feeling so incredibly weak. 

Time passed. Half an hour? An hour? I had no idea. 

“There’s going to be another celebration when we arrive,” Ren finally said, a hint of lightness in his voice. 

“Huh?” I murmured, my mouth phlemgy and nose filled with snot. 

“When we get to Starkiller Base. There’s going to be a big ceremony for breaking ground.”

“Don’t tease me,” I grumbled, wiping at my face with my jacket sleeve. 

“I’m not,” Ren said with a soft smile, “It’s going to be an event. They’re going to recognize us for the mission.”

“Kill me now,” I groaned. 

Ren climbed into the bunk, squeezing into the narrow space, pushing me towards the edge so he could fit.

“There’s going to be speeches,” he said. Now he was starting to give me a hard time on purpose, “There’ll be a march, and a parade…”

“And fireworks,” I suggested, a smile beginning to pull at me. 

“Absolutely,” Ren said, wrapping his arms around me, his chin resting over my shoulder. 

“Will Hux give a speech?” I asked, happy to go along with the joke. 

“He’s been practicing in the mirror all week.”

“What about our esteemed Superior General?” I asked playfully. 

“He’ll just find the most important chair in the room and stay there.”

I was laughing, starting to cough, “And Ymir?” 

“He’ll talk the whole time. They’ll set him up over the speakers.”

I was outright laughing now. 

Ren began tickling me, his fingertips dancing across my ribs and belly. 

“You can’t say that!” I gasped, “That’s treason.”

“Only if you tell,” Ren said, kissing my neck, slowing his hands. 

I laughed and reached a hand back, mussing his hair. 

The clouds had parted. Our argument was over. 

We settled into the bunk. Our breath grew more calm and regular. 

“It’s going to be okay, Siobhan. This is all part of it,” Ren said, nuzzling me with his nose. His arms were heavy around me, “When I trained in the Light, everything was about snuffing out your emotions, your reactions. I thought the Darkside would be easier, but it isn’t. You just have to go through it.”

I thought about Ren’s outbursts. His temper. I had thrown a fucking bottle against the wall, ready to go toe-to-toe in The Atrium. 

I moved a hand up to his forearm, giving him a squeeze, “Thanks Ren,” I said, my voice barely more than a whisper. 

That was all Ren had in him. As he relaxed into sleep, I listened to his breathing grow more deep and even, his chest rising and falling behind me. 

I was exhausted, but I didn’t want to sleep. Maybe it was the stims, maybe it was just my emotions. 

Time passed and I wasn’t going to give in. I couldn’t stand the thought of having a nightmare.

Moving slowly and quietly, I disentangled myself from Ren and padded up to the cockpit. 

The bottle of whiskey was still balanced on the console. I picked it up, opened the bottle and drank. 

**IV**

Hours passed in the smooth consistency of hyperspace. 

I didn’t drink a lot. After the first hour, I put the bottle up in the kitchen and made some caffeine. 

Back in the cockpit, I measured out a bump of Blue. 

I played Dejarik on the console, making myself focus. I won three games out of five. 

I showered in Ren’s quarters, finding a shirt and pulling it on, needing to feel clean fabric against my skin. 

As I wasted time, my thoughts kept circling back to killing Ymir. 

I had let myself get distracted. 

Our fight on Korriban had scared me, made me shrink. I had allowed myself to sink into the world of the First Order. I had servants, fine clothes, and money.

This mission had reminded me of the man he really was. 

I revisited my last conversation with Snoke. He knew that I had injured Ymir when we fought on Korriban, and that had interested him. 

What exactly did that mean? Did he want Ymir killed?

I still didn’t know where Raj fit into all of this. Snoke had encouraged me to talk to him, but he could just be trying to cause a rift between me and Ymir. 

There already was a rift. 

I hated the pride on his face as we reported the successful mission. I hated that he had given me such a large bonus. 

I was responsible for the deaths of thousands of innocent people, and he had paid me just like I was a bounty hunter. 

Ymir was constructing a weapon that would be able to kill billions. All to serve his quest for power.

My thoughts circled back to the visit to Artrix. 

It had been so hard to talk to Ahobri because I knew I was doing the wrong thing. I had nothing to be proud of. 

What would she do if she knew about Starkiller Base?

Priya’s words came back to me. She had been so kind and loving to me. She was concerned that I had gotten involved in something dangerous and wanted to help.

I didn’t deserve it. 

***

Hours passed. We were in the last half of the twelve-hour trip. 

I had an eye on the fuel gauge. We should have topped her off before we left. Rosie was going to be running on fumes by the time we arrived. 

I kept drinking caffeine and doing small bumps of Blue. I was running on borrowed time. I hadn’t been sober for days now. I knew it was going to catch up to me. 

Eventually, I heard Ren’s feet on the metal floors. 

He poked his head into the cockpit, looking refreshed, even in his wrinkled clothes. His hair was hanging like a curtain. He had a kitbag in hand. 

“How long have you been up?” he asked, unzipping it. 

“Just a few hours,” I said, a truthful lie. 

Ren handed me my two lightsabers, “How much longer do we have?” 

I glanced at the console, “Four and a half.”

Ren leaned against the doorway to the cockpit, “I want to show you the planet,” he said, “It’s a beautiful place. There’s this incredible kind of energy from the Kyber crystals. I’ve never felt anything like it.”

I was smiling, enjoying seeing Ren in a good mood, “You can give me the tour.”

“I expect that Lord Ymir has something specific in mind for training. We’ll see.”

He was gazing at me, his expression soft. There was a proper shadow of hair across his cheeks. I was getting so used to him looking like this. It wasn’t going to last. He had the kitbag in his hand, with his robes and mask waiting for him.

“I want you to tie me up,” I said. 

Ren began to smile. He stepped forward into the cockpit and gave me a kiss, his knuckles beneath my chin. 

“You have to wait. I’m going to shower.”

I smiled and kissed him back. 

He emerged a little while later, back to his usual look - the mask over his face, robes covering him. The kitbag, full of rope, was in his hand. 

We began our session in the cargo bay. I was naked, standing on the cold metal floors. 

I was ready to surrender, craving peace and quiet. 

Fully clothed, not saying a word, Ren bound me. 

He created a harness around my chest, securing my arms behind my back. Next he tied down my legs, tying each calf to each thigh in an elaborate cage of rope. 

I moved where he wanted me, obedient as he guided me into the positions. 

Wrapped in a bundle, my arms and legs captured in rope, he began the process of suspending me from a pipe in the ceiling. 

He was slow, playing with different positions, untying a leg to give me some help balancing, some connection to the ground. 

I sighed and swayed, releasing my weight into the rope. 

Ren had a specific vision in mind. He tied up my legs in a new configuration, securing calf to thigh again. 

Slowly, he began to suspend me upside down, my hair draping towards the floor. 

“I’m going to be checking in. You have to let me know if you’re dizzy, if you’re starting to pass out,” Ren said, his voice gravelly and disconnected through the audiofeed. 

“I will,” I replied, my own voice dreamy and distant in my ears. 

Ren had a hand on the rope connecting me to the ceiling, guiding the way that I swung. He watched the way my hair just grazed the floor. 

He ran his gloved fingers down my belly, across the taut skin and muscle. 

I felt the tick of violence in his heart. 

I was captured, vulnerable. 

“I want it…” I murmured, eyes closed, swaying. 

Ren growled, the sound raspy and dangerous. I sighed. I was in a deeply calm and peaceful place. Nothing could hurt me here. 

“I’m going to leave you here for a moment. I’ll be right back,” he said. 

I listened to his boots on the metal as he left and returned.

My eyes were closed, my heart speeding up. 

“Siobhan.”

“Yes…” I hummed. 

“I’m going to use a belt,” Ren said. 

I heard the leather sliding over his glove as he pulled it through his hands. 

The first strike was across my belly. 

I flinched and cried out. 

I was hanging upside down, my body completely open to him. Ren was careful. His movements were precise. 

He struck my belly again, then brought the belt down across my ass and low back, away from where my hands were tied. He cracked the leather strap on the insides of my thighs. 

Each impact was hard enough to leave a mark, to cause me to cry out in pain. 

When he had touched each available piece of flesh, he took a seat on the floor, removing the mask. Ren wrapped my hair around one hand, and cradled my head in the other. He kissed his way down belly and down my chest, playing with the barbells in my nipples. 

My face was red. I was in a far-away place. My brain was fuzzy. 

Ren began to untie me. 

He lowered me from the ceiling and released the knots with practiced confident movements.

I kept my eyes closed, a contented smile played across my lips. I allowed my head to lean against him, our bodies in sync. 

Ren carried me to my bunk. 

He massaged my limbs, tracing his fingers across the bruises and red lines he had left across my body. 

He kissed his way down my belly and between my legs. His tongue slid between my lips, and I made a soft moan. He lapped at my clit, exploring the way my body responded to different rhythms. My head was pressed against the pillow, knees bent. 

He licked me, finding a thrumming pattern that made my legs shake and belly to draw in. 

I was completely open to him, blissful and at ease, giving myself over to pleasure. 

My voice rose, moans and cries escaping me as I orgasmed. I had a hand on his shoulder, gripping him tightly. 

As I came down, Ren slid into bed, curling around me, holding me. 

I was drifting, awash in sensation, my mind was calm. 

With his chest resting against my back, I could feel Ren’s heart beating quickly. 

I ran a hand down his side, running across the front of his pants. He was hard, pushing against the fabric. 

He put a hand on my wrist, stopping me. 

“Just rest,” he said, kissing the side of my face. 

We were quiet. I was ready to give myself over to sleep. We still had an hour or two left in hyperspace. 

Behind me, Ren’s heart was still beating too fast, an anxious rhythm in his chest. 

“What do you need?” I murmured, turning towards him in the narrow bunk. 

I kissed him. His mouth was dry. He was hesitant. 

Ren brought his hand to the back of my head, touching his forehead to mine. 

“Siobhan… I love you…” he whispered, stilted and quiet. 

My heart was dropping in my chest, stomach twisting. “I don’t recommend that,” I replied, my fingertips against his cheek. He had shaved, his skin was smooth.

Ren looked up, his black eyes boring into mine, “I mean it, Siobhan.”

I took his hands, covered in black leather gloves, “I know you do.”

We were at a standstill. I felt so close to him, even as I felt a massive gulf growing between us. 

Why did he have to say it? Why now?

“I don’t need you to say anything,” Ren said, after a moment. This was prepared, something he had thought up at some point. He already knew that I wasn’t going to swoon gratefully into his arms. He understood that, at least. 

“I’ve felt this way for a while, but I didn’t know how to tell you.”

There had never been another man that I felt so close to and so far away from at the exact same time. 

He had given me comfort and intensity the way that I needed it, but that wasn’t enough to love him back. 

I couldn’t stand to push him away, either. 

We stayed curled in my narrow bunk, arms around each other, hurtling into the uncharted regions, towards the First Order’s secret weapon. 

I had never felt so far from home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are closing in on the last few chapters of book two. I think we have two more chapters left, possibly three...I'll let you know on Saturday. I plan on taking a hiatus for a few weeks afterwards, with the intention of doing more on Tumblr and stuff...
> 
> So, I wanted to take a moment and talk about the trigger warning I had at the beginning. This story has teetered on the edge for me the entire time. I've had a lot of fun letting loose and having two extreme characters act out with each other, but I want to acknowledge the unhealthiness of their dynamic. BDSM, power exchange, bondage, all of that can be done (and must be done) with consent and respect. I'm trying not to glamorize their actions and behavior. 
> 
> I've thought about writing a piece about Kylo Ren, abusive behavior, and all-too-common trope of women being responsible for stabilizing volatile men. If anyone is interested in reading a Tumblr/blog post about that let me know in the comments!
> 
> As always, thanks so much for reading and I love to hear from you!


	17. Starkiller Base

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Siobhan has really gotten herself in deep this time. 
> 
> Her and Kylo Ren were given a few days off to celebrate a successful mission. After a night out drinking and partying, Siobhan didn’t slow down. She started a fight with Ren about killing the freedom fighters on Otomok. 
> 
> After making up, Kylo Ren admitted that he’s in love with her, but she can’t reciprocate the feeling. She’s also uncomfortably aware that she has lost track of her original goal to kill Lord Ymir. 
> 
> With a conflicted mind and conflicted heart, Siobhan is about to arrive at the construction site of the First Order’s new superweapon. 
> 
> We’ll be reunited with some familiar faces (Armitage Hux! Astrid! Rajendra Juall!). We’ll also finally meet Phasma!
> 
> P.S. there’s some sexy stuff at the end with a slightly different flavor than what we’ve seen before...

**I**

There were only hours left until we arrived at Starkiller Base, before we returned to the real world. 

I was so tired of fighting. 

Ren had just said that he loved me - an anxious confession. I couldn’t return the sentiment. 

The complicated part was that I didn’t want to be rid of him. 

It would be easy to laugh in his face, to turn him away. I knew how to send a man packing, but that wasn’t how I felt, either. 

So I stayed in my bunk, with Ren’s arms wrapped around me. We were both silent. 

“You don’t actually love me,” I finally said. 

The room was dim. I was staring at my water closet. The door was slightly open - shadows inside. 

Ren kissed my shoulder, “How can you know that?” There was amusement in his voice. 

“You only love parts of me,” I said. 

“Siobhan…” Ren guided me onto my side, so we were face to face in the narrow bunk. The sheets were plain and scratchy. 

Ren was fully clothed in his robes. His mask was still on the floor of my cargo bay. I wasn’t wearing anything. 

I gazed back at him - the dark eyes, crooked features, tousled hair.

“I’ve never met anyone like you,” he said, reverent. 

That’s what they all said. 

I shook my head, mouth drawing in, “Ren, I will disappoint you, and you will hate me for it.”

He paused, remembering his words on Artrix, “Please… Siobhan,” he paused again, sighing as he tried to decide what to say, “I’m not asking for an answer from you. I just… I just wanted you to know how I feel.”

That was a lie. He probably didn’t even know it was a lie. In his head, he must be imagining that he was playing it very cool. He expected me to put up a fight, put up some resistance, but certainly I’d come around. 

Ren had a hand to the side of my face, fingertips tracing down my cheek, grazing the scar left from Ymir’s lightsaber. 

He kissed me, tenderly, like we hadn’t kissed before, and I went along. 

There were much more serious problems ahead. I knew I didn’t want to turn Ren down. This would sort itself out in time. 

We had sex in my cramped little bunk, Ren rearranging me several times to get into a comfortable position. 

“I’m...never flying with...you...in this ship...ever...again,” Ren snarled. 

I laughed and kissed him, my arms around his neck, his hand under my ass. 

Without warning, he scooped me up. I let out a cry of surprise, wrapping my legs around his hips, holding his shoulders more tightly. 

Ren grinned as he fucked me, supporting my weight with his arms. He carried me to the wall and continued thrusting, then slid out and directed me to brace myself, my ass towards him.

He wasn’t brutal like he had been on Artrix. Ren growled and groaned, holding onto one of my hands, pressed against the cold metal wall, while his other hand stayed on my hip. 

Right before his orgasm, he curled over me, his teeth against my shoulder, his free hand sliding up to pull at my nipples. He shuddered and cried out. I felt him throbbing inside of me. 

He pulled in a long, grateful breath and staggered back. I straightened up with a grin and approached him with a sway in my hips. 

Ren touched my cheek, then returned to the bed, sitting heavily, his elbows on his thighs. I kissed him.

He smiled, “I should go see how much time we have left in hyperspace.”

“Can’t be long now.”

Ren climbed back into his layers of robes while I hunted for something to wear. 

We had abandoned most of our things on Otomok. I had lost another set of clothes on Artrix. All I had left was the strappy pair of pants I had bought, my jacket, and Ahobri’s shirt. 

It would have to do. 

I fastened my belt and lightsabers around the slouching waist.

A part of me hoped that Ymir would be there to see my victorious return from shore leave. 

Ren left for the cockpit. I washed my face and combed my hair. 

It had been days since I had really slept. I didn’t look great. My eyes were bloodshot with circles beneath. 

Alone in my quarters, I took the baggie of Blue out of my satchel and did another bump. That would get me through the next few hours. 

I went to the kitchen nook in the cargo bay and made more caffeine. I carried two cups to the cockpit. 

The hyperspace alarm had just begun to beep, and Ren flicked the switch to turn it off. 

He declined the caffeine. More for me. 

He was back to his usual look - mask, cloak, gloves, not a centimeter of skin visible. I was a little jealous. I wanted the freedom to stalk around with my face covered. There was no hiding the fact that I had run myself ragged.

“Did Lord Ymir talk to you about your next assignment?” Ren asked. 

I shook my head. Next assignment? I hadn’t thought that far. 

“No idea,” I replied, “What about you?”

“I’ll be overseeing Captain Phasma during the first stages of training with our recruits. After that it depends on what the Resistance and the New Republic are doing.”

Of course he knew what came next. 

I drank my caffeine, my mind humming along with the Blue I had just snorted, “Am I going to meet your Knights at some point? Are they going to be on the base?” I asked. 

“Not this time,” Ren answered, “They’re all out on assignment,” he paused and frowned, “We’re lower on fuel than I thought.”

I tapped the fuel gauge, “We’ll make it. Rosie isn’t one of those fancy machines you and Ymir have.” We had been too caught up in our argument to pay attention to practical things. “So what’s the deal with them anyway? I’ve heard you talk about two of them, but they’re not Sith, right?”

“Adram and Yuri have been with me since Luke’s Academy...” Ren said, “And you’re right, they’re not Sith. They have a spark of the Force and a connection to the Darkside, but Lord Ymir doesn’t feel that they have enough of an aptitude to train them as acolytes.”

I remembered Ekene’s phrase - ‘Ren’s posse of defected Jedi.’ 

“So Adram and Yuri have been with you for a long time,” I said. 

Ren nodded, “Since the beginning.” he reached out and took ahold of my hand, “You don’t know the history, but it’s incredible that we have three Sith in the Galaxy, and no active Jedi. It’s unprecedented.”

I could hear his excitement, even through the gravelly audiofeed. 

“I want to show you the cave where I found my kyber crystal. You’ll be able to sense their energy before we’re on the planet. I’ve never felt anything like it.”

This was so much better than fighting. 

I tamped down my nerves and raw feelings. 

When I had offered to do the mission to Otomok, my goal was to carve a space for myself within the First Order, so no one could question my place. 

I didn’t know if Ren was going to say something to Ymir about my meltdown yesterday, about our argument. 

On the surface, everything was going as planned. We had completed a successful mission, and were arriving to the Base on time, as expected. 

I had Jukhara’s permission to pass her contact number to Ekene. Whatever percentage I was able to take from that deal would be my own money. 

I could buy Ahobri’s contract. She hadn’t left The Outpost because she thought she’d just wind up working in another brothel - doing the exact same thing, just on a different planet. If this all worked out, I would be able to give her security. 

With my aura cloaked, neither Ren or Ymir could sense what I was feeling. They would only know about the conflict in my heart if I told them about it. 

I just needed to suck it up and be cool for a couple of days. Then I’d have another assignment, and I’d be back out on my own. 

**II**

Ren stayed in the captain’s seat and took us out of hyperspace. I didn’t have any objection to him piloting. 

Rosie had been set on a New Republic signature for our trip to the Inner Rim, but now I switched to my First Order signature. 

We emerged into the emptiness of the uncharted regions. 

A massive ice-planet sat ahead of us. The Finalizer, the largest Star Destroyer in the First Order’s fleet, was a tinyblot in front of her. As we moved closer, I noticed three more Star Destroyers stationed above.

Ren hit the buttons to contact whoever was responsible for clearing our approach. “This is Kylo Ren, aboard…” he looked over to me. He wasn’t willing to announce the name of my ship. 

I leaned over the console, “This is Lin Siniang, aboard Rosie, requesting clearance to land on the base.”

“Of course Sir, uh, Madam,” the officer on the other end said, not sure what to make of our hesitation, “You are cleared to land on Starkiller Base. I’ll notify ground control of your arrival, they are currently directing everyone to land in the yard.”

“Copy,” I said. I moved to close the channel but Ren chimed in. 

“Is Vice Admiral Hux aboard the Finalizer, or is he planet-side?” Ren asked. 

“Sir, the Vice Admiral is on Starkiller Base overseeing preparations for the groundbreaking ceremony,” the officer replied in smart, military tones. 

“Inform him of our arrival,” Ren said, and closed the line. He turned to me, “You have no idea how embarrassing it is to be seen on a ship like this.”

I just laughed, “She’s the best ship I’ve ever owned.”

We cruised towards the planet. I could feel the energy as we approached. 

“You really meant it,” I said, closing my eyes and _reaching_ out. 

The sensation was sharp and clear - crystalline - a delicate ribbon of power. At my side, I could feel Ren’s energy joining mine. 

“Lord Ymir and I had heard rumors about this planet. We travelled around the uncharted regions and meditated, searching for her, and that was what we felt when we found her. Isn’t it beautiful?”

I opened my eyes, turning towards Ren - what a strange statement to hear through the harsh audiofeed. 

“It is,” I agreed. 

We sailed past the Finalizer and made our way through atmosphere. 

The planet was all shades of gray, white, and black. Heavy clouds obscured the sun, hanging low over the mountains. 

She was similar to Otomok, with massive mountain ranges covering the planet, but geological activity had died down ages ago. There wasn’t that same sense of life and growth. 

Everything was covered in snow, there were massive pine trees covering the surface, looking black in the dim light. 

We crossed a mountain range and a wide, flat valley stretched out ahead of us. 

“Welcome to the Base,” Ren said, a hint of a smile in his voice. 

Eight or ten buildings were scattered around the edges of a massive, cement, training yard. 

I saw twenty units of TIE fighters on the eastern edge, outside a collection of hangars and barracks. On the opposite side of the yard were more official-looking buildings and a sprawling, dome-shaped command center. 

There was an official welcome party waiting for us; five units of fully armored stormtroopers, each with their own First Order banner. As we landed I saw that Hux, wearing a fur hat and heavy duty black coat, was at the front with a chrome-plated stormtrooper. 

“Who’s that?” I asked, looking at the gleaming stormtrooper, standing just a little taller than Hux. 

“That’s Captain Phasma,” Ren answered, beginning Rosie’s cool-down sequence.

“Oh shit. I’ve heard Ymir talking about her too,” I said. 

“She’s an excellent soldier,” Ren replied. 

I didn’t think I had ever heard him give a compliment before. 

That made me instantly curious. 

Before we left Rosie, I picked up my satchel. I didn’t want anyone to go poking through my things and find the little baggie of Blue. I also didn’t think I was going to make it through the day without doing a few more bumps of it. 

Ren let me deplane ahead of him. I loved that he was embarrassed. We left through the side ramp. The stormtrooper units saluted, with Hux and Phasma leading the way. 

I thought it would be difficult to keep from laughing as I exited my silly-looking ship, wearing the filthy clothes I had partied in. But the planet was bitterly cold. 

It was all I could do to keep from holding my arms and shivering. 

Hux stepped forward to greet us, “Madam Siniang, congratulations on your mission.” His eyes were watering from the cold. His cheeks and the tip of his nose were red. 

“Thanks,” I said, fighting to keep my teeth from chattering. 

He shook Ren’s hand next. I was approaching the chrome-plated stormtrooper. She might be taller than him but it was hard to tell with the armor. 

“Captain Phasma,” I greeted, “Pleasure to meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Lin Siniang,” she said, with an unexpectedly posh accent, “Vice Admiral Hux told me about your successful mission on Otomok. Congratulations.”

Her handshake was firm. The armor on her hands was bitingly cold against my bare skin. 

“It doesn’t look like Lord Ymir has arrived,” Ren said to Hux. 

“No sir,” Hux replied, in that over-eager way of his, “They should be arriving five hours from now.”

What a relief. I needed time to steel myself before I was ready to see Ymir again. 

Hux looked my way, “Your rooms have been prepared. I’ll take you there. Madam Siniang, do you have any requests for your ship? Anything our troops can unload?”

“Nah, we were travelling light after the mission. She just needs to be refueled.”

Ren walked over to Phasma and shook her hand. I got a kick out of seeing them next to each other; both strikingly tall and covered from head to toe in armor, with their rigid, military posture. 

“Yes, madam,” Hux said smartly, and led the way across the snowy yard. Ren and I followed. 

Snow was drifting down towards us, tiny flurries that landed on my hair and shoulders. I lifted my collar to give some kind of protection to my ears, already aching with cold. 

Phasma stayed back with her stormtrooper units. 

“When will the Superior General be arriving?” Ren asked, striding next to Hux. 

Both men were around the same height, just clearing two meters. I only came up to their shoulders. 

“He is currently enroute. He’ll be arriving at 0500 tomorrow. I believe Rajendra Juall will be arriving around the same time.”

This was going to be an interesting trip.

We were near the entrance of the main building. It was at least fifty stories tall, maybe taller, all made from smooth concrete. There was a sterile kind of artfulness about her. The concrete was made with smooth lines; a forceful, layered look. An enormous First Order banner hung in the center, gently flapping in the wind. 

“Where’s Astrid?” I asked as we entered the building. 

Sweet relief. It was warm inside. 

Hux turned around, surprised by the question, “Dr. Vogt? I believe she’s planet-side. She had a meeting with Captain Phasma earlier today. I can check for you.”

Ren was looking at me. I had no idea if he knew that Astrid and I had hooked up at Ymir’s estate. He probably didn’t. I would have heard about it by now.

“Thanks,” I said, “It’s been a while since we talked. I’d like to catch up with her.”

“Yes, madam.”

Hux turned his attention back to Ren as he took us to our rooms. He talked and talked and talked. It was all about the ground breaking ceremony tomorrow, all the things that had been done to prepare, all that was left. 

I let his sounds wash over me. There was some useful information scattered here and there. I learned that this building would be the home for Raj’s team of engineers. Most of the military leadership that would be participating in the ceremony had already arrived. 

The halls had the humming, bustling energy that came before an important event. Droids were cleaning and setting up. Groups of officers were in the hallways; their eyes tracked Ren and me as Hux took us up. 

We were being housed near the top of the building. There were sixty floors, officially. 

The layout was similar to Snoke’s palace. We entered a sitting area with plush, leather furniture, a First Order banner, and a liquor cabinet. Through a door was the large, main suite. The main suite had doors to bedrooms on either side, and a window at the far end. Beyond the window, all I could see were layers of white and gray.

Ren’s valet was inside with two crates on a floating dolly. 

“Kylo Ren, Madam Siniang,” he greeted. 

“Hector,” Ren said, “We only packed for our mission. Lin is going to need a coat and cold-weather clothing.”

I still found it hard not to smirk around the man. The valet had threatened to shoot me when we first met. It was not that long ago, and I loved any action that flaunted my status with the First Order. 

“Of course, Sir,” the valet said, “During preparations for this visit, I was told that Tasha would be arriving to attend to Madam Siniang.” It looked like he still felt salty towards me, too. 

Ren followed Hector through the first door to the left. Hux was typing on the console near the entrance. I walked into the suite, assuming my room would be the next one down from Ren’s. 

The place was spare, all very formal and military. The furniture was well made, all wood and leather, but there wasn’t any life or decoration except for the First Order banner, blazingly red against the plain, cement wall. 

“Madam Siniang,” Hux called out. 

“Yeah?” I answered, returning to the main suite. 

“Dr. Vogt is in the command center meeting with her research team. She should be available in the next half hour.”

I had planned to just drop in and say hello, but it looked like there wasn’t a way to be casual about it now. 

“Thanks, Armitage,” I replied. 

I watched the faintest tinge of red creep up his neck as I used his first name. 

Ren emerged from his room. 

“Kylo Ren, I’d like to show you the Base and review the preparation checklists,” Hux said, “Madam Siniang, as soon as you have more… weather-appropriate clothing we can have you meet us?”

“Oh, that’s all right,” I said with a wide friendly smile, “I’m sure I’ll get another opportunity for a tour.”

“Of course, madam,” Hux replied, “I do look forward to hearing more about your mission. Commander Watts sent me the debrief. Maybe we could have a drink-”

“Vice Admiral,” Ren said, butting in, “Lord Ymir will be arriving in a matter of hours. I’d like a status update from you and Captain Phasma before I meet with him.”

“Yes, Kylo Ren,” Hux said with a respectful bob of his head. 

Ren put a hand on my shoulder. I looked into the layers of chrome and black metal covering his face, amusement dancing in my eyes. 

“I’ll see you in a few hours,” he said. 

Then it was just me and Hector in the suite. 

I went to my room for a long shower, turning up the water as hot as it would go. I scrubbed myself head to foot and took advantage of the large mirror afterwards. 

There was a new catalogue of stripes and bruises along my body. Because of the rope harness, Ren didn’t get much access to my shoulders; all the marks were on my lower half - my belly, ass, and thighs. 

The shower had done me some good. I looked refreshed. I took another tiny bump of Blue on the shiny, black-marble countertop. I didn’t want to be all strung out by the time Ymir arrived, but I knew I wasn’t going to survive the rest of the day without it. 

When I entered my bedroom, there was a First Order officer’s uniform folded neatly on the bed, along with a shiny new pair of boots. There was a heavy winter coat and hat, both lined with fur. 

Everything was a perfect fit. The valet knew better than to try to mess with me now. 

Dressed in the officer’s uniform, the lightsabers hooked to the belt, and my hair in a neat braid, I headed out into the Base. 

***

I was glad to get to see this place on my own, without Hux yammering in my ear. 

The energy of the Kyber crystals ran through everything, a faint undercurrent of energy. 

It was different from the energy of the Academy on Korriban. That place had an unsettling hum, pulling at my nerves. This was much more distinct and inviting. The crystals felt like another living organism - some gentle animal that lived underground. 

I wondered if the other people here could feel it; maybe a whisper, some faint tug of energy?

The yard was alive with activity. I watched units of stormtroopers practicing a march, while their commander barked instructions. Across the yard, another group of stormtroopers and droids were assembling a platform. I assumed I’d be standing or sitting on it at some point tomorrow. 

This planet was frigid. I watched my breath puff in front of me. After a few minutes, the tip of my nose was cold and my lips felt numb. 

They were going to turn this planet into a weapon… it was almost unbelievable...

I watched a couple of military shuttles land, small units of stormtroopers and an officer or two coming in to greet them.

Rosie had been moved, taxied to a hangar for refueling. 

I liked knowing that these people had to give me respect, no matter what I looked like or what kind of vehicle I was in. They were trained to obey rank, and I was right at the top. 

In the coat and uniform, no one would peg me as anything special, so I took advantage of the temporary anonymity, moving confidently around the space, seeing it for myself. 

I could hear the sounds of machinery coming from the open hangars. 

I wanted a smoke. 

The command center was directly next to the main building. It was wide and squat, only thirty stories high. Front and center was a series of windows that looked just like the bridge of a Star Destroyer. 

There was more activity here. Prim officers in glossy helmets bustled around, looking like they were on official business. 

It smelled new. The building was made entirely of metal and stone. All the surfaces were pristine, constructed this past cycle.

I followed my feet through the hallways and up elevators, trusting that I would get where I needed to go. 

Eventually, I came across a wing labeled “Medical Research”. 

Just what I was looking for. 

I stepped inside. The walls were made of sleek, frosted glass. I read the names on doors as I passed them. 

I didn’t have far to go. Astrid was leading this team. 

Through the glass walls, I spotted her standing at a console bank. She had two holo screens pulled up. 

I knocked on the door and she started. I held up a hand in greeting.

Astrid came over, a smile lighting up her face. 

“Lin,” she said, inviting me inside. She was good. A part of me wished she had said my actual name, but it was better than getting a ‘Madam Siniang’. 

“How are you? I heard about the mission,” she said. 

I took off my coat, hanging it on a rack in a corner of the office. 

“I’m good, just had my first official shore leave with the First Order,” I said with a grin, taking a seat in a chair in front of her desk, “How are you? Is this your home base now?” 

Astrid took the chair across from me, in front of her desk. She was so gorgeous. Her uniform was new, sleek and black. It highlighted the red in her hair and her brilliant blue eyes. 

“I’ll be here part-time. I’m still officially appointed to the Finalizer, but not as Kylo Ren’s medic,” she said. Her legs were crossed, hands on her knees. She gave me a flirtatious look, “I’m flattered that you came by to visit.”

I smiled, “I’ve missed you. I was glad when they told me you were here.”

“I’ve been making excellent progress with my research, but I’m not going to talk to you about data analysis. You should tell me what you’ve been up to.”

I barked a laugh. That was probably the right call.

I shared the story about my mission against the Stardogs; camping out in a smuggling bar, tracking them to their base. It was easy to gloss over the details when I talked about Otomok. She heard an adventure story, similar to what I told Ekene, tense and exciting, full of colorful characters. In the version I told her, I described closing off the tunnels, the feeling of the stone as a living organism. 

“Lord Ymir told me that he can feel the Kyber crystals in this planet in a very similar way. Can you feel them?”

I nodded, “It’s this very specific feeling, almost like a sound.” Astrid had a small smile playing on her lips as I described it. “Out in the yard, I was wondering if anyone else could feel it, like something in the background. Can you feel anything?”

Astrid shook her head, “Nothing at all.”

It felt so strange to know I was experiencing things that other people weren’t able to.

“Now I’m not going to let you off the hook,” I continued with a rakish smile, “Tell me about yourself, what’s been happening?”

We were flirting. Just a little bit. Just enough. 

“Well, tomorrow is going to be a big day,” she began, “Ten thousand new soldiers are arriving for training, and my team will be taking baseline vitals.” She paused, “I have to admit, I was a little nervous to be working with Captain Phasma. It can sometimes be difficult to communicate with the leadership of our soldiers… but she’s been very cooperative.”

“I just met her out in the yard. I haven’t had the chance to talk with her yet.”

“I didn’t know what to expect,” Astrid said, “Sometimes there’s a divide between the officers that went to University and the ones that rose up through the ranks.”

The Lieutenant from Commander Watt’s ship came to mind - her overdone aggression, the need to prove herself. 

“I hope I’ll get to know her better. Everyone seems to admire her.”

Astrid smiled, “Unfortunately, I need to get back to my work, but there’s going to be some kind of event tonight when Lord Ymir arrives. I hope I’ll see you there.”

“Rubbing shoulders with the top brass. Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” I replied with a grin. 

We rose and she gave me a hug. She smoothed a lock of hair behind my ear, meeting my eyes. “You look tired, Siobhan. I understand if you don’t want to tell me everything that happened during your mission. War isn’t glamorous, but you can talk to me if you need to.”

I took her hand and kissed the back, “Thanks, Astrid.”

**III**

I wandered around in the Command Center for a little while longer, getting to know the place. 

The engineering team had an entire wing to themselves. It required special security to get in. I should have announced my name, but I didn’t care enough. 

When I was done with the building, I took a lap around the massive, cement yard. 

Ten thousand people would be arriving tomorrow, in a matter of hours. 

Everyone kept calling them recruits, but they were really conscripts. 

The First Order had two methods for getting soldiers from backwater planets. On planets where people didn’t have any other options, they just took anyone able-bodied. On the planets that were a little more established, they had recruiters who talked people into signing a contract with some pathetic sum of credits to go along with it. 

One hundred credits was a common offer. When people couldn’t make ends meet, it was a windfall. To the First Order it was nothing. 

A few hundred thousand credits and they had more blaster fodder for their war. 

When I was done with my tour of the yard, I returned to the rooms. 

Hux and Ren were in the sitting area, across from each other with a holoprojector set up on a table.

I poured some amber liquid from a crystal decanter into two heavy glasses and passed one to Hux before taking a seat on the couch, dropping my coat and hat. 

“Madam Siniang, did you get a tour the base?” Hux asked. 

“Yeah,” I replied casually, putting my feet up, “I wandered around for a little while. Y’all got a lot going on here.”

“Lord Ymir will be arriving soon,” Ren said through his audiofeed, steering the conversation, “We’ll be joining the welcome party.”

I sat on the couch and enjoyed my drink while Ren and Hux went over numbers. 

Some time after my drink was done, Hector came in to announce that Ymir would be landing in ten minutes. 

The three of us moved through the building. We were joined by top brass. 

Outside, the stormtroopers were already assembled; six units, standing in formation in the frigid yard. 

Night had fallen, and floodlights had been turned on, drenching the snow in harsh, industrial light. It made the darkness even deeper. I couldn’t make out anything beyond the yard. 

The officers were put in a very specific order, all lined up. Ren was at the front. I stood next to him. I expected to be next to Hux, but there was some General next to me. I thought I had seen the man before, so I pretended to know him when we shook hands. 

Hux and Phasma were farther down the line. 

Thankfully, no one wanted to chitchat. I stood where they told me to, breath puffing in front of me, snowflakes landing on my eyelashes. 

Within minutes, Ymir’s stylish diplomatic cruiser was sailing overhead, kicking up snow in great flurries as he landed. 

There was a surge of anger in my heart, almost reflexive. I had just helped him murder thousands of people. Now I was being paraded outside for this event, just to prove how special he was. 

Ren’s question came back to me, ‘Would you do it again?’ I would, gods-damn it. If it helped me, I would. It was why I was standing in this frozen fucking yard playing nice. This would help me get what I wanted. 

Ymir exited his ship with Ekene at his side. 

Behind me, the troops made a full salute. “To the First Order!” they announced in unison. 

The General next to me made the motions and said the words. Ren didn’t. 

Ymir loved this. He was dressed in his utility clothes, wearing more layers and a heavy coat. He approached Ren and I with a warm smile. His hair was loose around his shoulders. His beard was shorter than I had seen it, emphasizing his strong jaw and wide face. 

Ekene was working on a goatee. It was well-shaped. His locs were bundled up. He was wearing more muted colors than usual, rich browns and reds. He gave me a hug while Ymir put an arm around Ren’s shoulders, “You look exhausted, girl. I can’t wait to hear what you got up to,” he said, his voice low in my ear. 

“I missed you, too,” I replied, kissing his cheek. 

Then Ymir came by, putting an arm around my shoulders, “We’ll be meeting in the officer’s lounge first. I expect we’ll have time to catch up later on,” he said. 

“Astrid mentioned that,” I said, allowing myself to be swept up in the group. 

There was a lot of greeting and handshaking down the line, then we all moved into the main building. 

We travelled to a lounge on the top floor. Service droids took our coats and hats. 

This place was actually swanky compared to everything else I had seen here. There were floor-to-ceiling windows, giving us a view over the yard and across the valley. A couple of chandeliers glittered overhead. I walked across fine carpets. All the furniture was made out of wood and leather. 

Servants in crisp, non-military uniforms served us drinks. A quartet of lieutenants were playing stringed instruments on a small stage in the corner of the room. 

I stood in my usual group of Ymir, Ekene, Ren, Hux, and a few other officers I didn’t really know. 

More people were coming into the room, all the people that I had seen in the hallways earlier. 

Uniformed men came by to share their respects and introduce themselves before joining other groups. Some stayed, our circle expanding over time. 

Astrid joined us. She wore a smart set of black and gold robes, with her bobbed red hair loose around her face.

Ymir greeted her very warmly, kissing her cheek. She blushed and coughed. We stayed close to each other. I admired her coolness. Ren had been her boss when we were hooking up. She knew that he had fucked me. Even though he was in the group, she didn’t skip a beat. I couldn’t feel any nervousness.

Unexpectedly, Ren was actually making conversation, rather than standing on the sidelines. He even had his mask off.

Ekene purposefully met my eyes, looked over at Ren, then back to me. I made a small shrug and took a sip of my drink. 

Sometime later, a very tall woman joined our group. She had whitish-blonde hair, shorter on the sides and longer on top, swept back from her face. Her skin was very pale and her eyes were large, and blue, less piercing than Astrid’s. 

“Captain Phasma!” Ymir greeted. They were very similar in size; both were broad-shouldered, sturdily-built people. “Lin, have you met the Captain, yet?” he asked. 

I walked over, “Only for a moment, right after I arrived.”

She gave me a nod. 

Astrid joined my side, “Captain Phasma,” she greeted. 

The two of us were dwarfed by this group. I was average height, just over a meter and a half tall, but here, I was level with people’s shoulders and chests. Next to me, Astrid was dealing with the same problem. 

“How are the barracks coming along? I know there were some snags during construction,” Ymir said, motioning a servant over to bring her a drink. 

“It’s all complete, Lord Ymir,” Phasma replied. 

I could tell that she was uncomfortable standing in her robes with all these well-heeled officers. For her, the robes were a costume. The chrome armor was her real uniform. She was a soldier, not a diplomat.

Ymir made sure she was welcomed into the conversation. Astrid began to talk to her about what the research team would be doing the next day. 

I stood by, enjoying my drink. 

As the conversation moved on, I watched Phasma gravitate towards Ren; it made sense, they were the two quiet soldiers in the group, more reserved than the rest of the officers. 

Ekene took my arm, “How about we take a lap?” he suggested with a wink. 

We moved through the room at a leisurely pace. 

“I’ve never seen Kylo Ren make conversation before,” he said, “What did you do to him?”

“That’s not a story for here,” I replied. 

Ekene gave me a look. 

“I’m getting a kick out of Ren and Phasma. They might be a perfect match,” I said. 

Ekene’s eyebrow rose and he fought a smile, glancing backwards. The two of them were standing together, tall and somewhat uncomfortable in the crowd. Phasma had her trim, blonde haircut while Ren’s black hair hung almost to his shoulders. “You just might be onto something,” he said. 

“So, tell me about your holiday,” I said, “How’s our favorite opera singer?” 

“Oh, we’ve known each other for ages. I always go visit her when I need to get away for a little while,” Ekene said, “We had a grand time. I think I stayed up until dawn every day.”

I smiled, “Maybe I should have taken you up on that offer. I was doing the same thing.”

Ekene had a sudden thought, “Don’t let me forget - I wanted extend an invitation to Dr. Vogt to come with me next time. I meant to bring it up while we were talking, and it slipped my mind.”

“She’ll be thrilled. I won’t let you forget.”

“I also need the contact information from your woman,” Ekene said, putting a hand over mine. 

“I can get that to you back at the room,” I said. 

We shook hands with some generals and exchanged pleasantries.

“You’re unusually quiet,” Ekene said, as we rounded the corner. We were returning to our group. 

Ymir was handsome and animated, talking with his hands. He stood out with his casual clothes, unshakable confidence, and endless charisma. 

Was I strong enough to kill him? I didn’t know. 

“It’s just been non-stop since Taltua. I’m ready to put my feet up for a bit,” I replied. 

Ekene was watching me carefully. He knew something was going on, “After this little gathering is over, we’ll find a quiet place to talk,” he said, close to my ear, keeping his voice down. 

I squeezed his hand. 

Back in the circle, I took up my spot near Astrid. 

I talked and chattered away, pretending to be myself.

Ren joined me, close without quite touching. We shared the story of our mission to Otomok. I let him take the lead and I learned more about his experience with the patrols. The freedom fighters had known that mineral deposits threw off the probes and scanners. 

He shared that the freedom fighters had a sophisticated method of luring the probes into unused caves and tunnels. The probes would be unable to navigate their way back to their base. They’d travel uselessly through passages until their power ran out. 

I noticed that Hux slipped away for another drink, halfway through Ren’s version of the story. 

Later on, Ekene struck up a conversation with Astrid, letting her know that he would set up a time for her to visit Madame Dahn at her villa. 

The lack of sleep was catching up to me. The world was feeling dim and fuzzy at the edges. I took it easy with my drinking. 

***

Slowly, the room began to clear. Phasma was in the first group to leave. She had been slightly uncomfortable all evening, and I expected she had work to do. Astrid left with the next round of officers. It was going to be an early morning for all of us. 

Ymir drew Ren and I towards him so could leave together. 

Ekene took my hand, “I’m going to steal Lin away for a little while. We’ll meet you back at the rooms.”

Ymir met my eyes, “Don’t be too long. I’d like us to talk with you as well.”

“I’ll be up soon,” I said. 

Ren was watching me. 

I left with Ekene. A service droid by the door brought us our coats. 

Up here the floors were marble, and columns lined the halls. 

“How private does this conversation need to be?” Ekene asked. 

There were a few officers around, dragging out their conversations. 

“It’s not for anyone else’s ears,” I confirmed. 

“We might have to take this outside,” he said. 

I pulled on my coat. 

The temperature had dropped dozens of degrees. The cold stung my cheeks and the tip of my nose, but I appreciated the clean crispness in the air. It was so incredibly still. 

We were walking around the edge of the yard, our steps in sync, tamping down the snow.  
The snow was sparse, but consistently falling from the sky. I bet our footprints would be covered in the next half hour. 

“You’re acting differently, Siobhan,” Ekene said, “What’s going on?”

“Well, I thought the hard part would be the mission, but it was more difficult taking Ren out for a good time,” I said with a grimace, boots scuffing through the snow. 

Ekene was smiling, but he knew there was more to the story. “What did you do to that boy?” he asked, keeping things light. 

“It was just a night out on the town,” I said, my hands shoved in the pockets of my coat, “I figured we’d get some drinks, get some girls. I got us a room.”

Ekene shook his head, “I’m just trying to picture this…” he teased. 

I continued, “Well, Ren was thrilled to have girls in his lap all night. But the next day, he was giving me shit for the men that gave me attention. We had a big row before we left, and then he tells me he fucking loves me a few hours later.”

“Oh, Siobhan…” Ekene said, taking my hand with a commiserating expression, “You two looked friendly tonight. What did you tell him?”

I frowned and spat, “I punted.”

Ekene laughed, sudden and full. He put an arm around my shoulders, “Is this the start of a romance?”

I shook my head, “I don’t love him,” I said firmly, “He’s jealous and controlling, so that’s never going to work.”

“He’s inexperienced,” Ekene said, “I know he’s had women, but I think it would be generous to call any of those events a relationship.”

“The frustrating part is that he’s growing on me. I actually enjoyed working with him.”

We had been so in sync at Base Four. When we took the First Order ship, we were unstoppable. Then the two of us subdued a camp of almost four hundred people.

Then he tortured Pax for no reason. He had to prove he was more powerful.

“If it gives you any relief, I don’t think you’ll be kept close together. There are a lot of moving pieces right now. I expect that Lord Ymir will be putting the two of you to work on separate projects,” Ekene said. 

“That’s good to know,” I replied, squeezing his hand and sighing, “Men just always make things more complicated, don’t they?”

Ekene made a wistful smile, and I noticed the way his eyes darted to the side for a moment, “They really have a knack for it,” he agreed. 

I looked to him, waiting to see if he would continue, but he was already leading the way back to the main building. 

“Thanks for talking with me Ekene,” I said as we moved through the snow, “This isn’t something that I can talk about with Ymir or Astrid.”

“You always seem to find yourself in the most interesting predicaments,” Ekene said with a friendly smile, “And I love to have the upper-hand when it comes to gossip.”

We were both in a good mood by the time we arrived at the suite. 

Ymir and Ren were having a drink on the sofa. There was a decanter and two extra glasses waiting for us on the table. Ren’s mask sat neatly on the corner. 

I had no idea what they had been talking about. I didn’t want Ymir to know that I had reconnected with old friends on Artrix. I didn’t want him to know that Ren and I had a fight in public. 

Ekene poured, topping of Ymir’s glass. Ren declined more alcohol. 

I dropped my hat and coat over the back of a chair. I kept forgetting that I was wearing a First Order uniform underneath. 

I sat next to Ekene on the sofa across from Ren and Ymir. 

“We should discuss what to expect over the next couple of days,” Ymir said, as we settled into our seats. 

Ymir was going to talk at us for the next few minutes. 

For once, I didn’t mind. I was finished making conversation for the day. 

“Tomorrow will be taken up entirely by ceremonies to mark the beginning of training for our recruits,” he began. 

I took slow sips of my drink and kept my eyes open, looking at Ymir. We were just going to be shuffled from one event to another. I didn’t have to understand the schedule. 

Tasha would be there to dress me. Servants would feed us. I’d sit in a chair, or stand, and talk with whoever they wanted me to talk with. 

“We’ll be doing a more rigorous meditation in the Kyber crystal caves,” Ymir said. 

“I was talking to Siobhan about the caves as we flew in,” Ren noted. 

“I expected a feeling like the Academy on Korriban,” I said, “But it’s different. It’s peaceful.”

Ymir gave me an approving nod, “The caves are a six hour hike from the Base,” he continued, “We’ll set out at 0500 the day after tomorrow. Once we arrive, we’ll spend a day fasting and meditating. The place has a powerful and unique connection to the Force.”

He always gave me something to look forward to. 

I thought about making a jab at Ymir for giving me hallucinogenic tea, but it was easier to keep my mouth shut. 

Ren was looking at me with a spark of excitement in his eyes, “It’s been years since I’ve done a meditation in the caves. I’m interested in the kind of experience you’ll have, especially after Otomok.”

“What do you mean?” Ymir asked, a genuine question. 

“Siobhan’s connection to the Darkside is similar to yours,” Ren said, looking towards Ymir, “When we meditated together on Otomok, it’s like she has no connection to the Light at all.”

He meant it as a compliment. But I didn’t like being compared to Ymir in that way. I didn’t have the same drive for conquest and power. 

Ren’s first training in the Force had been as a Jedi. My connection with the Darkside was just a matter of circumstance; it was all I had ever known.

“There might come a time where that experience isn’t unique,” Ymir said, looking between the two of us. “We’ll spend twelve hours in the caves. Then we’ll return to the Base.”

Twenty four hours of training. Ymir wanted to make up for lost time. 

After finishing our drinks, we separated for bed. 

Ymir had his arm around Ekene’s waist as they retired. Ren steered me to his room.

I climbed out of the uniform. Ren pulled on a loose, black tunic and pants. 

We kissed in bed, his hands moving along my body; but it wasn’t long before Ren gave himself over to sleep, a heavy arm wrapped around me. 

I closed my eyes. I tried to slow my breathing. 

Sleep didn’t come. Thoughts cascaded across my brain. 

I was thinking about Snoke and Raj, ten thousand conscripted soldiers, the twenty-four hours of meditation that lay ahead of us. 

This entire planet was being reshaped into a weapon while the rest of the Galaxy continued on, completely unaware. 

Ymir would keep prodding at the New Republic, keeping them distracted, creating fires for them to put out. 

I thought about Ren as he exhaled next to my ear. 

He had seen the rise of the First Order in the Galaxy on the side of the Resistance. He’d continue to work against them, proving himself, proving his connection to the Darkside, wanting to surpass his grandfather’s legacy. 

How far was I going to go? Where was this path leading me?

Two hours passed, lying awake in the dark room. I wasn’t going to fall sleep anytime soon, and I was too miserable to sit with my thoughts. 

I decided to go for a walk to clear my head. 

I dressed in my own room, pulling on layers to protect me from the cold. I secured my belt and lightsabers around my waist.

The stims were giving me hell. My thoughts were jumpy and my body felt less-coordinated. I had been taking them consistently for days now and the Blue was running strong in my system. 

Tomorrow was going to be a challenge. At this point, I knew that quitting cold would leave me dealing with nasty consequences. Usually that meant a day of sweating, craving, and irritability from not being high. I could probably get away with dosing myself tomorrow, but I couldn’t imagine keeping that up as we trained in the Kyber crystal caves. 

Another thing to look forward to. 

With a restless mind, I left the building and began wandering along the farthest perimeter of the base. 

I liked knowing that I had the freedom to go exactly where I wanted. If I ran into a security detail, all I needed to do was tell them my name. 

As I walked, I _extended_ my awareness, reaching for the delicate energy of the planet’s Kyber crystals. It was a feeling so close to music, without making a sound. I could feel it in my body, and I gave myself over to its pull. My thoughts moved with my feet, and I found a peaceful rhythm to it.

I weaved in and out of the edges of the base, dipping into the trees and forest before returning to the cement foundations. 

I passed by the open hangars. Inside, droids and mechanics were hard at work on massive excavators and mining equipment. I watched them work, the sparks flying, the friendly shouting of orders and instructions. 

It made me miss my old engineering crew in the Resistance. Our group had stuck together for three years. We knew each other’s strengths and weaknesses, and had been there for all the embarrassing moments and victories. A few of them had become lovers. I had considered all of them my friends. 

And they all died, falling from the sky, while I survived to do this. 

I walked away from the base, moving farther into the forest. 

The trees were thick here, and the ground was uneven with large rocks. I waded through the calf-deep snow, picking my way along the terrain. 

I could make out the lights of the base to my right, never quite getting out of range. 

“Who’s there!?” a low woman’s voice called out.

I returned to myself, realizing that I was now behind the barracks. “Phasma?” I replied, walking towards the woman. 

She was standing at the back gate. There was a roll of t’bac in her hand. I watched smoke drifting overhead in the unforgiving floodlight. 

“Madam Siniang… my apologies,” she replied, with stiff formality, “I didn’t recognize you.”

I was out of the forest, fully visible now. I joined her by the wall.

“Don’t worry about it,” I said, “And please, call me Lin.”

Phasma was dressed in a heavy coat. I could see the bottom of her fatigues and her boots underneath. She wasn’t wearing a hat or gloves. The snow in her hair was sparkling. Her cheeks were red. 

“Got another smoke?” I asked. This was exactly what I needed. 

Phasma pulled one from her coat pocket and handed it to me. I leaned forward so she could light the end.

We leaned against the wall together. 

“What are you doing up so late?” I asked with a smile. 

“I can never sleep well when I have a big day ahead,” she said, blowing smoke out. I watched it twirling lazily into the cold air. 

I took a slow drag from mine, “I’ve never seen ten thousand people all start Basic at the same time. They’re all from Fedje, right?”

“That’s right,” Phasma answered, tapping ash from the end of her smoke, “Ten thousand conscripts. The healthiest men and women we could find.”

I gave her a look, not expecting her to use that term so casually. 

“Ymir told me a little bit about you,” I said, taking another drag, “He told me you started out as a conscript yourself.”

Phasma was nodding; there was some pride in it, knowing that Ymir had told me about her, knowing that I was paying attention. “I’m from Cholganna. There was nothing for me there.”

I grinned. “I was born on Tevel,” I told her, “We were practically neighbors.”

Phasma looked at me with newfound appreciation, “You don’t say? Of all the backwater hellholes.” Her roll of t’bac was done - she flicked it into the dark snowy forest. “I was just heading in. Do you want a nightcap?”

“That sounds great,” I replied. 

I took a couple more drags, stubbed out the end of my smoke, and dropped the remaining half into the front pocket of my jacket. 

I followed Phasma through the barracks. The hallways echoed as our boots landed on the metal floors. 

“How many people can you fit in here?” I asked. 

There were windows that gave me a view into the bunks. They were stacked four beds high, with rickety metal ladders at the ends. 

“We can fit thirty-five hundred people in each barracks,” Phasma answered. 

Cozy. 

From the first hallway, she took me clear down to the other side of the building. There was an office near the entrance. She punched a code into the console and the door slid open. 

I found myself in a grim room. It was sparsely furnished; a desk, a couple chairs - supply crates lined one wall. 

It was never going to look any more comfortable than it did now. 

There was a window that looked out into the yard. The industrial floodlights were still blazing away outside; the snow was blindingly white. 

Phasma opened the top drawer of the desk and took out a bottle of whiskey and two glasses. I helped myself to a seat while she poured, resting an ankle over my knee. 

“I’m glad we could talk outside of the officer’s lounge,” I said as she handed me a glass, “I really can’t stand all the handshaking and chit-chat.” 

She was watching me, gauging how safe it was to open up, “I’m still trying to get used to all of this,” she admitted. She took a heavy seat, knees wide apart, “I’ve only ever been a soldier, but now Lord Ymir is having me be a military representative, so I’m learning to play nice for the politicians and company men.”

We touched our glasses together. 

“I hear that,” I replied, taking a drink. 

Phasma was relaxing. She studied me for a moment. “You grew up on Tevel,” she mused, “Your family were farmers, then?”

“Farming and herding shaaks,” I confirmed with a grin. 

“I was born on a jogan fruit plantation,” Phasma said. 

We sat in a comfortable silence for a moment. 

“Forgive me if I’m overstepping myself,” Phasma began, a large hand planted on her thigh, “But I wasn’t expecting you to be from the Outer Rim. Lord Ymir, Kylo Ren, their families…”

“You didn’t expect me to be from nowhere?” I said, a playful light in my eyes. 

“I just thought that Jedi and Sith only came from royalty,” Phasma said, “It gives me some hope to know other kinds of people can have that power, too.”

We lapsed into another thoughtful stretch of silence. I was enjoying Phasma’s company. She was a soldier through and through. It was such a relief after all the stuffed shirts I had to navigate. 

“That’s why I was successful on Otomok,” I said, volunteering a story, “Hux - all those officers from the Academy - they don’t recognize their enemy. That’s why they weren’t able to make any progress.”

“You can’t learn about war in a classroom,” Phasma said, letting me hear the bitterness in her voice. She paused, shifting gears, “I’m grateful for the opportunity Lord Ymir is giving me. This is a new stage for the First Order. I’m here to see it through.”

There it was. The determined warrior. In her eyes, the First Order was a step up. Lord Ymir was lifting her from a life of obscurity on a plantation. She was completely devoted to him.

“He seems to have an eye for talent,” I replied with a wink. 

I watched a pink tinge rise up Phasma’s collar; she was uncomfortable with the casual praise. 

I finished the rest of the whiskey. 

“It was good to talk with you,” I said, standing up and setting the empty glass on top of the desk, “Ren spoke very highly of you on the way here, and I’m not used to hearing him give compliments.” 

Phasma tilted her head, taking a second to figure out who I was talking about. “It’s an honor to be working with Kylo Ren,” she said, “I’m flattered to hear that.”

We shook hands, skin to skin this time. “I’m sure we’ll get more time to know each other over the next few days,” I said, meeting her round, pale-blue eyes. 

A small thrill of attraction rolled through me. I imagined what her moans might sound like. 

“I look forward to it,” she replied with a friendly smile. 

I left the office, exiting the barracks through the front door. 

It was dark and cold. I had no idea what time it was. 

I completed my lap around the base before heading up to the rooms. 

***

When I came in, Ymir was at work in the sitting area. He was dressed in a robe, a holoscreen up in front of him. 

He had turned on a couple of lamps, giving the room a dim, golden glow. 

“Siobhan,” he said, looking up, face bathed in light from the screen. 

“Oh, hey,” I greeted, shrugging off my snowy coat. 

“What are you doing up?” he asked. 

“Couldn’t sleep,” I answered casually, “I’m all fucked up from hyperspace.”

Ymir gave me a look, “You’ve been harder to pin down than usual,” he said. 

I draped my coat over the back of a chair and took a seat. 

“What were you doing outside?” he asked. 

“Just exploring,” I answered, “I wanted to see this place for myself. I had a conversation with Phasma.”

“I wanted you two to meet,” Ymir said, turning off the holoscreen, “What did you talk about?”

I appreciated just having an easy conversation, not needing to lie or make up a story. “We talked about growing up in the Outer Rim. She was one system over from me.”

Ymir was smiling, “I have high expectations for her. Because of where she’s from, it’s been a challenge for her to adjust to the political responsibilities of the position. I’m glad you took the time to talk with her.”

“Her and Ren looked cute together,” I said with a grin. 

“Well, since you brought that up, I want to hear more about your experience working with Kylo Ren,” Ymir said. He settled back on the sofa, his hands on his thighs. 

“He was more reliable than I thought he’d be,” I answered. I didn’t want to talk about this now, without knowing what Ren had told him, “I actually felt like we made a good team.”

Ymir was silent for a long time after my answer. His eyes roamed across me. Waiting. 

I bristled under his gaze. 

“I don’t know why it’s so hard to get the truth from you,” he finally said, and paused for another long stretch. “Today should be easy for you. Tomorrow, I’m taking you and Kylo Ren to train with me in the Kyber crystal caves. You should consider your attitude.”

I was so sick of him, thinking that he always had the upper hand. 

“Is that all?” I asked, rising to my feet. 

“You have potential, Siobhan,” Ymir said, “You’ve made a name for yourself in a very short amount of time because you know how to build relationships. I’m paying attention when I hear that you visited with Dr. Vogt, or that you took time to have a conversation with Captain Phasma. I need that kind of person at my side, but I can’t work with you if you keep lying and deflecting.”

“Look, a lot happened, but we were successful and the mission went off without a hitch,” I said, “Isn’t that what matters?”

Ymir looked at me patiently, “If you were a stormtrooper, then yes, that’s all that would matter,” he replied. “See today as a chance to put yourself together. We’ll be training tomorrow, and I won’t be so tolerant of your hesitation then.”

“Yeah, sure thing, boss,” I said with a shrug, and I picked up my coat. 

“Get some sleep. You look terrible,” he added, turning his holscreen on again.

**IV**

I paused in the main room of the suite, looking between my door and Ren’s. 

Being alone seemed like a bad idea. 

I quietly slipped into Ren’s rooms, shucking off my clothing as quietly as possible. 

He shifted and groaned in bed, starting to wake to the sounds. “Where’d you go?” he mumbled, taking me in his arms. 

He was so warm. He had been cooking under the blankets while I had been wandering around the frigid yard. 

“Outside,” I answered, snuggling next to him. 

Ren wrapped his arms around me, legs curling underneath mine. 

There was a stretch of darkness that might have been sleep. 

It would have to do. 

The next thing I knew, Hector was calling via the console to wake Ren up. 

The room was dark. 

I rubbed at my eyes, “I don’t want to,” I complained. 

Ren kissed me as he climbed out of bed, “It’s not going to be hard. We’re just standing around all day today. You might like it.”

***

Tasha was waiting for me in my rooms. She was wearing the familiar white and navy uniform from Ymir’s estate. 

“Madam Siniang,” she greeted, passing me a mug of caffeine.

I sighed with relief, taking a grateful sip, “You are a lifesaver.”

She guided me through everything I needed to get ready. 

I showered and she dried my hair. The mirror felt very unforgiving. My eyes were red from lack of sleep, and my face was drawn. 

I told Tasha I was going to piss, and did a small bump of Blue, then a second for good measure before opening the door. 

Tasha used her magic to erase the exhaustion from my face. By the time she was done, I felt glamorous again. 

She set my hair in a gorgeous fishtail braid. 

My robes were more stylish than I expected. They were black, with a wide belt for my lightsabers, but there was a wide open V in the neck, showing off a lot of skin. 

A crimson drape was pinned across my shoulders and fell in two elegant panels down my back. 

The coat was my favorite part; it was black fur, with wide lapels; it went all the way to the ground. 

“Tasha! This is perfect!” I said, wrapping the coat around me, burying my face in it, relishing the softness. 

“I thought you might like it,” she replied with a smile. 

***

The first event of the day was a breakfast with the top brass. 

Ymir, Ekene, Ren, and I all walked together. Ren had a hand at my low back the entire time, while Ymir and Ekene strode arm-in-arm. 

Two crimson-armored guards stood outside the door. There was no question as to whether Snoke had arrived. 

The meeting room was on the top floor. Above us was a bright, snowy dome. First Order banners hung on the walls; beneath our boots were fine rugs. A balcony wrapped around the outside, accessible by a door in each wall. 

At first glance, our group was all men, except for myself. I recognized everyone from the officer’s lounge last night, but there were two new additions. 

Snoke and Raj were seated near a balcony entrance, able to look out over the snowy yard. His Twi’lek woman - Thrall, I think her name was - stood behind Raj’s chair. 

“Superior General,” Ymir greeted, striding over to shake Snoke’s hand. 

Four crimson-plated guards stood at the edges of the room. With the two posted outside the door, I noticed that he was back to six. 

“Lin, what a pleasure to see you again,” Raj said, standing to shake my hand. 

Raj was just as gorgeous as I remembered, lithe and tan. The sides of his hair had been freshly trimmed; the top was still long, in shades of white and silver, artfully swept back. 

His blue eyes flickered to Ren’s hand against my back, but his expression remained completely neutral. 

“Kylo Ren,” he greeted, looking directly into the black visor. He turned back to me, “The Superior General was telling me that you eliminated a terrorist cell on one of Ekene’s mining colonies,” he said, all smooth charm, “I was told they had evaded capture for years, but you subdued them in just a few days.”

I was opening my mouth to respond when Ren cut in.

“We did,” Ren replied, his voice even more abrupt through the audiofeed of his mask.

Here we go. This was exactly why I didn’t want to be entangled with him. 

The last time Raj and I had talked, he propositioned me to join a threesome with his other women. I had let Ren know that to fluster him. Now I wish I had kept my mouth shut. 

“It was an undercover mission,” I said with a curling smile. I was curious about Raj, even more so after Snoke’s cryptic suggestion to me before the mission. I wouldn’t let Ren get in my way. 

“I’m very impressed with her,” Snoke said approaching us. 

Praise from Snoke - today was full of surprises. 

He wore sophisticated robes, layers of black, white, and gray, wrapped across his narrow chest. The pristine clothing only drew attention to his twisted, uneven frame. 

“Lin was the mission commander,” he continued, shaking my hand. Snoke towered over me, almost two and a half meters tall. My hand was small inside of his. 

I didn’t think we had ever had any physical contact before this moment. I felt his aura more acutely - a flowing undercurrent, like a river. He didn’t try to _push_ me or intimidate me. 

What a strange turn of events. 

Snoke greeted Ren, shaking his hand in turn before putting a hand on my shoulder. 

I fought the urge to shudder. 

“I only know the mission from Lord Ymir and Commander Watt’s debrief. I heard that you tricked the guerrillas into giving you the locations for every single base they had,” Snoke said. 

A flash of anger ran through me. I could have hit him, but I restrained myself. 

“That’s right,” I said, going along with it, “They were five thousand strong, spread out over the entire planet. I knew that we had to make a coordinated strike against them. If the guerrillas realized that their bases were under attack, they’d just flee into their tunnels like they had before.”

Raj’s eyes were fixed on me, glimmering playfully, “It sounds like a very daring mission. I’d like to hear more about it.”

Thrall had joined Raj’s side. He draped an arm around her waist. She was gorgeous with her blue skin, flawless make-up, and a white dress that clung to her chest and hips. 

Ymir had turned his attention towards us. He shook Raj’s hand, taking a place near me. 

A servant was announcing breakfast.

Ymir was at one end of the table; I was in my usual seat to his right, and Ekene was on his left. Snoke was at the opposite end, with Ren to his right and Raj to his left. 

Hux sat next to me, chattering away, and trying his best not to look at my tits. He was only partially successful. 

I ate and drank caffeine, inserting the occasional ‘yeah’ or ‘uh huh’ into Hux’s monologue. 

After the breakfast we were shuttled down to the yard. Servants were assembled to pass us our coats, hats, and gloves before we left the building. 

Ren walked next to me, his hand against my low back. 

I did not like him hovering, steering me around as he loomed in all-black, his face covered by a mask. 

***

The sky was gray, sunlight trapped by cloud cover. 

As we left the building, I noticed two very fancy ships. They were in the same corner of the yard we had landed in yesterday. 

One was a sleek, diplomatic cruiser in brushed-black metal. The other was ridiculously showy, rising several stories high with smooth curves and large windows - all luxury. 

“Which one is Snoke’s?” I whispered to Ren.

“Juall’s is the yacht,” he replied, with obvious disdain in his mechanical voice. 

Ten massive transport shuttles were arranged in neat rows at the back of the yard. Ten thousand conscripts were inside. 

A two-tiered, covered platform had been assembled. In front of it were three rows of lesser officers, hands clasped; snow drifted down to make a layer on top of their hats and shoulders. 

Next to the platform was a military band, also protected by a red awning. 

Our group was politely ushered onto the covered platform. I was relieved to find that heaters ran across the ceiling. My coat was doing a good job, but I already knew we’d be sitting out here for hours. 

There were two impressive seats in the center of the top row. A podium with a microphone stood between them. 

Snoke took one of the fancy seats and Ymir took the other. One of Snoke’s guards stood behind his chair. The other five were assembled around the platform, weapons at ease. 

I was surprised to find myself seated with Snoke on one side and Raj on the other. 

Thrall stood behind Raj’s chair. She also had an impressive fur coat, all in white to match her dress. I don’t think she had said a word all day. 

Hux sat next to Raj. The rest of the row was taken up by Generals and Admirals. 

On the other side of the podium, Ren was seated next to Ymir. Ekene was on Ren’s other side. 

Finally, I would have a chance to talk with Raj. 

I resisted looking over to Snoke. He must have arranged this. 

As soon as our cohort was seated, the band began to play some formal, military song. 

I heard the familiar barking of a drill sergeant. The exit ramps of the transport shuttles began to open. 

“Ten thousand of the healthiest people they could find,” I whispered, leaning over to Raj, “All to catch blaster fire.” 

His smile was sharp and cold. 

The sound of thousands of boots trodding on metal and snowy concrete joined with the sounds of the band. 

Commanders were barking at the men and women as they exited the shuttles, separating them into neat units. 

Everyone was dressed in identical, slate-gray fatigues. Their heads were bare, hands uncovered. Each person was holding a duffel bag to their chest - the only belongings they had. 

The yard filled with people. I could see the front row - a line of people shivering in the cold, hands and heads unprotected. I saw tears and runny noses, red knuckles and red cheeks. Snow drifted onto their shoulders and down the open necks of their fatigues. 

These people were never going to see their homes or their families again. Some would die during training, others in their first battles. 

A few would go on to distinguish themselves - there had to be some Phasma-types in this crowd - but most were already marked for death. 

Raj leaned towards me, talking in a low voice, “The Superior General told me he’s going to push ten thousand soldiers through training every cycle.”

“I believe it,” I replied. 

There would be some dropoff with the ones who were killed, or couldn’t cut it in training, but that still put them at thirty to thirty-five thousand new soldiers per year, from this base alone. 

As the conscripts were arranged in the yard, a massive regiment of stormtroopers were assembling in front. 

Once everyone was unloaded from the transport ships and organized into units, the band played a march. 

The trained stormtrooper regiments moved in formation, putting on a show for the top brass and the new soldiers. 

I glanced over at Snoke, seated in his large, special chair. He fucking loved this. His eyes never left the yard. He was the most relaxed and happy I had ever seen him. 

All I could think about was death. 

To me, it felt like the march dragged on for hours. When it was done, they were organized into neat units in front of the conscripts. 

They must have been completely frozen by now, snow drifting down into the open necks of their fatigues, hands still exposed as they held onto their military-issued duffel bags. 

The next part of the ceremony was the speeches. 

Ymir stepped up to the podium, radiating confidence as his booming voice was amplified over speakers into the yard. He spoke passionately, patriotically. 

Ymir spoke about the unification of the Galaxy - a return to order, lifting the masses from the chaos of civil war. 

There was a chill in my bones that had nothing to do with the frigid air. 

He was giving the new soldiers a sense of purpose, a mission they could be proud of. They would be taking part in unification, not conquest. Ymir did the same thing to Ren and I, talking about service to the Darkside rather than his own selfish pursuit of power. 

Dressed in his utility clothes, Ymir seemed accessible. He wasn’t covered in dark robes or a mask. He wasn’t bolstered by a stiff uniform weighed down with honors and decorations. He projected power without needing props. 

I could feel the way his words landed in the crowd. They responded with pride and excitement. There were pauses in his cadence - opportunities for the stormtroopers to respond with “Oo-rah!” and “To the First Order!”

I remembered what it felt like to have Ymir enter my home. The undeniable strength. My father had resigned himself to death. My mother and brother were too scared to move, and I had been drawn to him, fascination overriding my fear. 

After Ymir finished there were more speeches - a couple of Admirals and Generals touting the might of the First Order. 

The last speech was Phasma’s. She delivered it while standing at the front of the yard, not on a dias or platform. She welcomed the new conscripts to Basic, setting expectations for their service. 

***

I allowed the day to wash over me, going through the motions. My mind was far away. 

Our group, the top leadership, was led through a formal tour of the base. 

In the command center we made a stop in the engineering wing. The head engineer gave a speech with Raj at his side. 

We dropped in on Astrid’s department, and she talked about her research into troop optimization. 

Ren was at my side the entire time. I was starting to feel claustrophobic. 

We had a short break to freshen up before lunch. I did a small bump of Blue in the privacy of my bathroom, staving off the inevitable crash. Tomorrow was going to be awful. 

I found myself near Raj again at lunch, an Admiral sitting between us. Raj carried the conversation, talking about weapons development and military strategy. 

I gratefully drank the wine I was served. 

After the lunch, we were taken outside to continue the formal tour of the base. I went where they told me to go, nodding along, playing the part. 

The scale of this operation was insane. It was like nothing I had ever seen. 

I had wandered around the base on my own yesterday. Now there was the energy of ten thousand fresh soldiers. The barracks were alive with the sounds of barked orders and military callbacks. There were already units training in the yard, getting reamed by their sergeants. 

By the time we were done with all the tours and speeches, the sky darkening. 

We returned to our rooms to prepare for a formal dinner. 

Tasha whisked me away to do my hair, make-up, and to put me in a simple, shimmering, black evening gown. 

She cleaned off the chipped polish from my nails, re-shaped the edges, and covered them with a fresh coat of black polish. 

I was able to get another few glasses of wine, and managed to sneak another bump of Blue - enough to get me through the rest of the day. 

The dinner was in the dining hall where we had begun. 

This time I was next to Ekene, glad to be sitting near someone who felt like a friend. 

Ymir started the dinner with a speech. Snoke followed with another. There was much toasting and self-congratulating. 

I felt myself retreating. 

This wasn’t my place. These weren’t my people. 

Going to Artrix had been a terrible idea. I was so comfortable there, not hemmed in by arbitrary rules and formalities. 

Life at the brothel was uncomplicated. 

I looked around the room at all these men steering this massive war machine. 

Ekene owned hundreds of colonies of slaves. Ren and his Knights were the terror of the New Republic and the Resistance. Snoke was organizing the business syndicates to serve his military junta. Raj owned the largest weapons corporation in the Galaxy - his hesitation for joining the First Order was just about maintaining his power and legacy, not the suffering he would cause. 

And then there was Ymir at the head of it all. 

After Korriban, I had lost sight of my original goal. The story of avenging my father’s death had fallen apart. 

I was a Sith. I had travelled too far from the path my father would have wanted me to take. 

My feelings had evolved into something else. I couldn’t stand that these men had this kind of power. Most people in the Galaxy were just scraping by, trying to keep a roof over their head and food on the table. That’s why they had ten thousand conscripts in their barracks; because it was better than poverty and starvation. 

Yesterday, Ymir had talked about my potential. 

Snoke saw it too. He wanted to know if he could use me to kill Ymir. If I was going to do this, I could use some friends in high places. 

When the dinner was done we were let out into the large, stylish state room. We were served drinks and cigars. 

Tonight would be the night I established a connection with Raj. 

I wasn’t going to let Ren, Ekene, or Ymir stop me. 

***

There was an hour of schmoozing before servants guided us out onto the balcony. 

Another fireworks display. 

I had my black fur coat wrapped tight around me. A hat rested on my head. 

Ren was hard to shake. He followed me around like a shadow. Thankfully, the crowd on the balcony gave me some cover. 

I was pressed close in a group with Ren, Snoke, Ymir, and Ekene. 

From out on the yard, fireworks were being launched, red and gold sparks raining down alongside the constant snow. 

I knocked back my drink and got out from underneath Ren’s arm, pretending to flag a servant down for a refill. 

I scanned the small crowd for Raj. With Thrall at his side, blue and white, they were easy to find. 

He stood at the edge of the crowd, his arm around her waist. I sidled up next to them. 

“I’m tired of this party,” I said in a low, teasing voice, “How about you show me that yacht of yours?”

We peeled away from the group. I turned back, feeling a pair of eyes on me.

It was Ymir. Our eyes locked for an instant, then I was turning away again, Raj at my side.

Ymir could stop me if he wanted to. I left it entirely up to him. 

**V**

I left the party with Raj and Thrall. 

When we entered the elevator, he took my hand. “I was waiting for a moment alone with you all day,” Raj said, with a playful light in his eyes, “I didn’t think it would happen. You have quite the security team around you.”

“I’m only here because they’re putting in so much effort to keep us apart,” I said, with a curling smile. 

Raj drew me to him. Our hips pressed together before our lips touched. 

He was warm and slow, a hand travelling down the curve of my waist. 

Thrall stood by, the perfect escort, beautiful and composed. 

We left the building and strode across the snowy yard. Someone lowered the entrance ramp for the yacht as we approached. 

I wondered if anyone would try to stop or interrupt us. Ren was jealous and had a temper. It had been made abundantly clear that Ymir didn’t want Raj to connect with me. 

The tension of not knowing only made it more exciting for me. 

Raj had his arm around my waist as we entered the ship, Thrall walking a pace behind us. 

His ship was a marvel. It took effort for me to hide my amazement. It was the finest machine that money could buy. 

The interior was gleaming and new. Service droids took our coats as soon as we were inside. 

Raj took me up to his personal lounge. There were three other women waiting for us. I recognized some of them from our brief encounters at Snoke’s palace. 

I spotted the orange Chagrian woman, wearing a sheer black dress. The human woman was in black lingerie, reclining on a chair. I didn’t recognize the last woman; she was a delicate Ghalla with a bronze tint to her skin, and fleshy antennae that curled back into her blonde bobbed hair. The last Ghalla I had seen was Erdoven, the daughter of some Corellian politician. 

Raj guided me to a seat. 

The room was incredibly glamorous, lit in soft blue light. The room was circular with a sunken, cushioned floor in the center. There was a bench to sit on. Cushions, pillows, and blankets were casually strewn around for lounging. There was a full chandelier overhead. 

I noticed a water pipe. A full bar stretched along the far wall, with expensive bottles and crystal decanters lit from behind. 

The Chagrian woman stood to make us drinks. 

Raj took a seat on the bench, Thrall folding up next to him, sitting between us. 

It irritated me that she was just an accessory. 

“This is a nice place you got,” I said with casual dismissiveness, looking around the room. 

The Chagrian woman handed Raj and me drinks - something blue on top, green at the bottom, in expensive crystal glasses. 

Thrall’s hands were left empty. 

I drank without hesitation. I had survived Ymir drugging me and leaving me in a Sith burial ground; I felt confident that Raj wouldn’t do anything worse than that. 

Raj was watching me, calculating and amused at the same time. 

“I learned a lot about you since my last visit to Taltua,” he said, taking a sip of his drink. 

“Oh really?” I said, with a teasing arch to my eyebrow, “What did you learn about me?”

“Your name, to start. Siobhan Zhang. That report is a much more interesting read than Lin Siniang’s.”

I laughed, head tilting back. The gemstones around my neck glittered in the light of the chandelier. 

“So you and Snoke were gossiping about me?” I said, taking another sip of my drink. 

I was still trying to figure out if this was just a seduction or if they were trying to involve me in something deeper.

Thrall sat between us, beautiful and impassive, with Raj’s arm around her slender blue shoulders. 

“We were,” Raj said with a flirtatious smile. 

I was going to play his game. He was poking at my defenses, carefully gauging my responses. I was going to keep up a patter with him and figure out what he was really after. He wasn’t going to get a rise out of me. 

“I love it,” I said, “What else did you learn?”

“Well, from our first meeting on Taltua, I could tell that you didn’t come from an important family. And I just couldn’t understand why Ymir Danakar was parading around this lowborn girl as his new acolyte.”

There it was, those first couple of jabs. 

I watched Raj over the lip of my glass, lifting an eyebrow. 

“Snoke told me the story, and, I have to say, it’s fascinating,” he continued, “Your father was the poor bastard who killed Ymir’s wife. I couldn’t believe it. Did you know I was the only witness at their wedding?” 

That interested me. I really had to put effort into my act to look aloof.

Raj continued, “Did Ymir ever tell you about her?”

“All I know is that he loved her. I’ve never heard him talk about another person that way,” I answered. 

Raj was nodding, “Her name was Sophia Alekseyavich, she was beautiful. Probably the most intelligent woman I’ve ever met. It was a shame we lost her so young,” he took a drink, “My understanding is that Ymir killed your father in vengeance, but left you alive because he sensed that you could use the Force.”

He wasn’t asking me a question, so I stayed silent, enjoying the drink. 

“So, tell me Siobhan, what’s it like to train under the man who killed your father?”

“I’m just a lowborn girl from Tevel,” I replied breezily. I leaned forward, drink in hand, “Why are you so interested?”

I could feel a little spike of temper from Raj, the smallest crack in his cool facade. He took a breath, his composure settling over him again. “You are a curious woman,” he said, settling back into his seat, “The first time I saw you, I thought you were his mistress, someone for him and Ekene to share. Then the next cycle you have a scar on your face and tattoos on your arm.”

He glanced down purposefully at my left forearm, revealed in my slinky, black dress. “I understand Ymir gave you those during training.”

“Just the mark on my face,” I replied easily, “I gave myself the tattoos.”

Raj was a playboy; he wasn’t an interrogator. 

I had fended off Kylo Ren before I had any training in the Force. This was going to be nothing. 

I began to relax and enjoy myself. 

“You really are a difficult bitch,” Raj said, with obvious enjoyment. 

“Of course I am,” I replied. 

Raj laughed, “The most fascinating thing I heard from Snoke is that you have an official understanding with Ymir. He’s training you, even with full knowledge that your intent is to kill him one day.”

Bingo. 

“It’s very traditional, I assure you,” I said with a smile, finishing my drink. 

“Snoke also told me that. A barbaric tradition. No wonder Palpatine and Vader failed,” Raj said, “I imagine I can be of use to you. I’ve known Ymir from before all of this, when he was just a man, before he started calling himself a Sith Lord.”

I leaned forward with a sharp smile and a glint in my eye. “I didn’t realize you were bringing me up here to talk all night,” I teased. 

Raj exhaled with a sharp growl. He wanted me. I could feel his desire. He wasn’t a man used to waiting. 

I slid forward, kissing him. I was already wet as our tongues met. His hand was at my breast, feeling the barbell through the thin fabric. 

He groaned. 

When we separated, I turned my attention to Thrall. As we kissed, I felt genuine desire from her. She moaned as I traced a hand along her cheek, moving up towards the base of her headtails. 

Raj watched us kiss and saw her hand travel down my waist. 

“I want to see you and Thrall together,” he said. I felt his hand tracing down my arm. 

I knew how to do this. It was uncomplicated. 

In some number of hours I would be at the suite, going out for twenty-four hours of training with Ymir and Ren. I’d face the consequences of this night with Raj, but that was a long way off. 

For now, I gave myself over to pleasure and to the familiar. 

Thrall and I moved from the bench onto the cushioned floor, beneath the chandelier. We slowly took off our clothes, softly kissing, starting to explore each other’s bodies. We knew how to put on a show. 

The other women knew their cue. They drew closer to the action, waiting for their moment to join in. 

The bronze-skinned Ghalla was curled up next to Raj, starting to unbutton his shirt. 

His eyes never wavered from me as Thrall took off my dress. My sharp-heeled boots had come off by the bench. I stood in the sparkling light from the chandelier, only wearing a thong and my jewelry. 

“I’ve heard that Sith take pleasure in pain, either causing it or experiencing it,” Raj said, seeing the faded marks on my back, then the fresh red lines and bruises on my thighs and across my ass. “I was told that you seduced Kylo Ren. Are those his marks?”

“They are,” I replied with a grin. 

Raj laughed, “He keeps himself covered up all the time. It almost makes you imagine what he’s like under there.”

I was going to laugh, but Thrall was sliding a hand up my thigh, her fingers brushing against my lips. I gasped instead. 

We moved slowly together. I was checking in with the beautiful Twi’lek girl - learning how she liked to be touched. 

Paid mistresses were always a challenge to navigate. Sometimes there was a gulf of distance between what they wanted and what their Master wanted. 

“Can I touch your headtails?” I asked, between kisses. 

I was warm and aching between my legs. Her fingers were dancing over my nipples, playing with the metal and sensitive skin. 

“Yes…” she whispered in a demure voice, “Please.”

I moaned as one of her hands slid lower, pushing inside me - feeling how wet I was. 

“You like Twi’lek girls,” Raj mused as he watched us together. 

The Ghalla woman had his shirt unbuttoned and was kissing his neck, her hands running across his chest. 

Thrall had me on my back. We gathered cushions and pillows for me to drape against as she took a position between my legs. 

I cried out as her tongue travelled between my lips, circling my clit. My hips arched and I brought a hand down, stroking the sensitive tails at the top of her head. 

We shared our pleasure with one another. The Force left me more open than most people, and Thrall was a natural empath. 

She could feel the pleasure she gave me and it stoked her own desire. 

We moaned and writhed together. I could feel her hips bucking, stubbornly planted between my legs, her tongue flickering across my clit. 

“Do you want Raj to come over here and fuck you?” I moaned.

“Yes,” she sighed, her mouth brushing across my hair. 

Raj moved gracefully from the arms of his Ghalla woman, shedding his pants on the way. 

He took a position behind Thrall. Her ass was in the air, knees wide apart. 

She let out a guttural sound of pleasure as he filled her, the rhythm of her tongue against my clit faltering as he began to fuck her. 

After a few moments she gathered herself. My hand returned to her head, softly stroking. 

Raj was able to watch me. 

I was so incredibly wet, sensation travelling up my spine, making me twist and howl. 

“Thrall!” I gasped, belly drawing in as she got me close. 

She was right there with me, at her own edge, with Raj working her with his cock. 

My orgasm made me scream, muscles clamping down, and I heard her own screams and Raj’s sighs, fucking her harder as her orgasm squeezed his cock. 

I was catching my breath, a hand on my belly. 

Raj was polite enough to let Thrall come down before he slid out of her. He was climbing towards me, moving between my legs. 

The Chagrian girl was at Thrall’s side, cradling her, providing more touch. 

I hadn’t gotten a good view of Raj. I moved my hand down his chest and belly. He was groomed and well-hung. 

He thrust into me in one smooth motion, making me cry out, aftershocks of my orgasm rolling through me. 

We weren’t in this position for long. Soon I was on top of him, his hands on my ass, his head pressed back into the pillows. 

He didn’t have the same need for control and domination, the way Ren did. I was much more active. 

Raj’s first orgasm happened with me facing away from him, still on top, his hands at my waist. He came for a long time. I could feel him pulsing, teeth gritting as I kept up the pace, continuing to bounce on his cock. 

He grunted and groaned. I was a wet mess between my legs, thighs sticky. 

When he was spent, he had me sit on the bench while the human woman lapped at me, her tongue taking in my juices and his come. I had another orgasm under her attention. 

There were endless combinations; six people flowing together, in this glamorous room on his yacht. 

They all had more to drink, but I declined. I hadn’t slept in days. I was strung out on Blue, already craving my next hit. 

The pleasure of sex - the pleasure of bodies moving together - would be enough for me tonight. 

We had breaks - moments to rest and regroup. 

At one point, I was resting against Raj’s chest, his fingers sliding through my hair. 

“Siobhan Zhang… the girl who fell from the sky,” he mused, “I want to know your secrets… I think you could be very useful to us.”

I grinned, turning around to straddle his lap, my hands on his shoulders. 

“Rajendra Juall,” I purred, gentle and teasing, sliding along him, feeling him growing hard beneath me. “I could reach into your thoughts right now, and take whatever I wanted,” I growled, kissing his neck, letting my teeth graze his skin. 

He moaned, a sound of surrender. 

I moved a hand between his legs. He was thick and stiff. I positioned him so I could slide on top, taking him inside of me again. 

There was an edge of danger between us now. I could feel his women watching us. 

They wouldn’t be able to do anything to stop me.

I rocked my hips against him, moving along his length. 

“Show me,” he whispered, head tilted back. 

Cruelty was rising in me, a vicious unfamiliar feeling. I felt powerful.

I _pushed_ into his mind, searching for an intimate memory. Searching for Ymir. 

They were young men, teenagers. They were by a lake, kissing in the pebbles on the shore. Ymir held him, large and strong even then. I felt Raj’s lust. That sensation of being young and desperately, overwhelmingly, in love. 

The men had sex in the alcove, Raj was on top, taking Ymir inside of him, the sand rubbed his knees raw. Ymir had his hand to Raj’s throat. 

I growled again, pulling back from the memory. It was closer than I actually wanted, but I could feel Raj’s pleasure in response. I _reached_ through him, putting pressure on the muscles in his throat. 

He gasped as I rode him. As I felt his cock throbbing I _tightened_ my grip on his windpipe. 

There was a sharp smile on my face as Raj gasped and choked beneath me. I was doing my best not to actually damage him, but it was difficult. 

He had his hands on my hips, driving inside of me. Getting me close. 

I _tightened_ the pressure one more time and that sent him over the edge. He filled me with come for a second time, and I was howling, spasming against him. I only barely remembered to _release_ the pressure on his throat. 

“You foolish, greedy man,” I whispered, tracing a hand down his cheek. 

He kissed me in return. 

The night grew long, rounding the corner to morning. The women were falling asleep. I was on the floor, Raj spooning me. His arm was gentle over my waist. 

It was time to go. 

He shifted as I stood up, “Leaving so soon?” he asked. 

“I have training,” I said, leaning down to kiss his cheek. 

“Well, give your Master my regards,” he sighed. 

“He’s not my Master,” I growled.

“He wants to be,” Raj said, ignoring my threat, “He wants to be Master of the Galaxy…”

I didn’t have a response to that. 

I pulled on my clothes and left the room without another word. 

I left Raj’s ship, wrapped in my exotic fur coat, and walked down the ramp into the frigid, snowy yard, steeling myself for whatever consequences lay ahead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, edits on this chapter took longer than expected...but we still got the weekend post!
> 
> We have rounded the corner. Wednesday’s update will be the end of Book 2. After that, I’ll be taking a hiatus for a few weeks. I'll post tumblr info etc. (there isn't any real activity on it at the moment)
> 
> Thanks so much for reading! I love to hear from y’all in the comments!


	18. Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Siobhan is careening down her path. She’s horrified by what she’s done for the First Order and what she’s seen on Starkiller Base. 
> 
> She decided to go off and sleep with Rajendra, and got confirmation that he and Snoke are interested in using her to kill Ymir.
> 
> She knew her decision would break Kylo Ren’s heart and upset Ymir, but she did it anyways. 
> 
> Now Siobhan is getting ready to hike into the mountains and meditate in the Kyber crystal caves. She hasn’t slept in many days. Both Kylo Ren and Ymir are angry at her. 
> 
> Siobhan doesn’t like the person she’s becoming as she explores the Darkside and works for the First Order. How will she resolve the conflict in her heart?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the finale of Book 2! I’m going to be taking a hiatus from this story for the next few weeks. 
> 
> Book 3 will start on Wednesday, February 12th. 
> 
> In the meantime, my Tumblr is andromeda-rising-897 and my writing/fandom Instagram is andromeda.rising For those already following- Thank you!
> 
> Also, if you’re enjoying this story, please share it with a friend! (shout out to Lily_2020!) 
> 
> I want to give another big thank you to everyone following this story. Your kudos and comments have meant so much.

**I**

I walked purposefully towards the main building. 

From across the snowy yard, I could hear the sounds of drill sergeants and conscripts hustling from the barracks. 

We all had early training today. It was still pitch black outside. The floodlights over the yard made the snow dazzlingly white. 

There was a kind of electric anticipation running through me as I entered the main building and rode the elevator up to my floor. 

Overnight, I had made enemies of Ren and Ymir. 

I remembered Ren’s jealous anger from Artrix. He felt like he needed to put me in my place after I had fucked Troye. Going off with Raj was a slap in the face.

Ymir had made it clear that he did not want me interacting with Raj. Even Ekene, usually so easy going, didn’t like the man. 

The elevator slid open and I strode down the hall, my high-heeled boots clipping along the cement floors. I was wearing my slinky evening dress from the night before. I had my fur coat wrapped around me, jewelry stuffed in the pockets. 

Ymir said that we would be training for the next twenty-four hours, doing a meditation in a cave of Kyber crystals. 

It was probably a mistake to piss off both Ren and Ymir before this little trip, but the damage was done. 

I entered the sitting room. The door to the suite was open, lights on and the sounds of activity beyond.

Ren was in a chair, legs planted aggressively, hands on his thighs. His mask rested on top of a black military backpack. 

As I stepped inside, Ren whipped around towards me. His eyes were red, his expression tense and drawn. 

“Where were you last night?” he asked. 

He loved to punish himself. He knew exactly where I was. 

“Fucking Raj,” I answered plainly, striding towards the suite beyond. 

I could feel a spike of emotion from Ren, he was rising up.

Ymir appeared in the open doorway. He was close enough to intervene without blocking my way. 

“Wait for us outside,” Ymir told Ren. His tone left no space for argument. He turned to me, “Siobhan, you and I are going to have a word.”

“Sure thing,” I said, heading into my room. 

I entered the dark room, hitting the lights. I dropped my fur coat onto the bed and began pulling off my boots. 

Ymir stood in the doorway, arms crossed, letting me see his anger in the push of his jaw. 

I set my boots on the ground and looked up at him. 

“No matter how predictable your behavior is, I can’t seem to find it any less disappointing,” he said. 

I stood, bare feet on the floor. My fancy evening dress felt wrinkled and flimsy rather than glamorous. 

“It was my decision to make,” I said, walking over to the crate Tasha had brought. 

“You know that Rajendra is actively working against me, and still you left with him,” Ymir said, “I consider that an act of aggression, Siobhan.”

We weren’t going to dance around the issue then. 

I opened the lid of the crate, searching for clothes that I could use for training.

Raj’s memory rose vividly in my mind. I could feel Ymir’s hands on my skin. I could feel him inside of me. 

Goosebumps rushed down my back and legs. 

“Raj has been trying to fuck me since the moment he laid eyes on me,” I said, finding thermals and utility pants. “I figured I’d show him a good time and get him off my back, so to speak,” I added with a rude sneer. 

Ymir was glaring at me from the doorway. It was hard to get him this worked up. 

It was an accomplishment, in its own way. 

I found the rest of the clothes I needed. I pulled the dress off, lifting it over my head, “I made my choice. And here I am, on time, getting ready for training.”

“There are consequences for disloyalty, Siobhan,” Ymir growled. 

I pulled a black, thermal shirt over my head and tugged the thong off, stepping into new underwear. 

“You want to know what happened last night?” I said, mouth twisting, meeting Ymir’s anger with fire of my own. I stepped into the thermal bottoms. “Raj isn’t as smart as he thinks he is. He was far more interested in having sex with me than he was in getting meaningful information.”

It wasn’t the truth, but it wasn’t exactly a lie. 

Snoke and Raj wanted to use me to kill Ymir, but no one had made an official offer. There weren't any terms or money on the table. We were still feeling each other out.

“You’re acting like you’re still that feral girl I found in Kylo Ren’s bed. You have nothing to be proud of,” Ymir said, his jaw tight. 

We were both in agreement, then. 

I was pulling on utility pants when I realized that I didn’t know where my lightsabers were. 

“So, am I coming along for training? Or are you just taking Ren?” I asked, shooting Ymir a purposeful look, refusing to let him intimidate me.

I felt his temper flaring in response to my attitude. 

My eyes flickered to the lightsaber on his belt. I was unarmed. I knew I didn’t stand a chance against him. Not like this. 

“Finish getting dressed and meet us downstairs,” Ymir said, “You have found the limits of my patience. I won’t tolerate any more missteps.”

He left the doorway. 

I listened to the sounds of his heavy boots across the floor. 

The rest of my outfit came together quickly. I found a thick pair of socks and decided to put on a couple more long-sleeved shirts. 

I found my belt with my lightsabers draped over the floating dolly that held the evening gowns Tasha had prepared. 

“Siobhan.”

I turned around to the familiar voice. 

Ekene stood in my doorway. He was in a robe, open at the chest. His locs were disheveled, falling around his shoulders. He had a serious look on his face. 

“What the fuck were you thinking?” he asked, crossing his arms over his chest

I made a half-assed shrug as I secured the belt and lightsabers around my waist. I wasn’t going to get into it with him.

When I didn’t say anything, Ekene continued, “I don’t know if this is because of what happened between you and Ren, but you are in dangerous territory right now.”

I had no idea what had happened in the suite last night. Ymir had seen me leave with Raj. There was no telling when Ren had found out. 

“Yeah, I already know that,” I said, brushing rudely past Ekene. 

He grabbed my upper arm. His grip was stronger than I expected. He met my eyes, dark brown to my hazel.

“Ymir will kill you, Siobhan.”

“Let go of me,” I growled, not backing down. 

Ekene released my arm, allowing me to see all of his disappointment. 

“You could still be somebody,” he said as I walked out. I didn’t look back. He had to raise his voice to call after me, “But you have that damned defiant streak. Are you really going to throw it all away?”

There was a black military pack waiting for me in the sitting room. I picked it up on my way out the door. 

I didn’t enjoy acting this way, but I was tired of all these different men telling me what to do. 

I was tired of their plots, tired of their games. 

***

I found Ren and Ymir on the western edge of the yard. 

Morning training had begun, and the floodlights blazed across hundreds of units of soldiers doing exercises. Helmeted and armored drill sergeants barked at them, harsh commands layering on top of each other. 

I pulled on my military-issue coat and adjusted the straps of the pack against my shoulders. 

Ren’s mask was on. I noticed that he turned his head to the side as I approached, refusing to look at me. 

What a child. 

Ymir made purposeful eye contact before turning, striding next to Ren

We set out from the base with a tense silence crackling between us. 

The two men were larger and stronger than me. I was quickly outpaced, left to follow the path of their boots in the heavy snowdrifts. 

It was very dark in the forest. The pre-dawn air was bitterly cold. My cheeks and the tip of my nose burned. 

I had hoped that there would be the opportunity for one last line of Blue before training. Ultimately it didn’t matter. We’d be gone for twenty-four hours. I knew I’d have to suffer without it at some point. 

The lack of sleep was catching up to me. It had been many days at this point - since Commander Watt’s Star Destroyer, really. I had been keeping myself afloat with caffeine and Blue, and today I hadn’t had the chance for either. 

Everything had a hazy, distant quality to it. 

The world had become less than real, like I was watching what was happening, like I was moving underwater. 

The boot-print trail began to lead uphill, winding between trees and large boulders. 

My legs sank into the deep snow drifts, boots slipping on ice-covered rocks. The snow made the terrain a challenge when it was flat, and now I was moving through it on a steep incline. My heart began to kick into gear, my breath was labored, my muscles burned with effort. 

I had no idea how Ymir and Ren were navigating. There wasn’t a path. 

I took a break, not making the slightest attempt to catch up with the two men. 

Sitting on a rock, I dug around in the backpack. I found rope, a simple climbing harness, a bobbin descender, ascending equipment, a couple of lightsticks, and a lighter. There was a three-liter bladder of water, but no food. 

Maybe Ymir or Ren had the food in one of their packs. 

With the forest silent and peaceful around me, I _reached_ into my surroundings, seeing if I could connect with the energy from the crystals. As my breath and thoughts slowed, I sensed them, chiming out like a song at the edge of my awareness. 

I set out again, my body resisting every step. 

Dawn had risen; the sky was a lighter shade of gray now. 

We had gained a lot of elevation. The forest was thinning around me. I was near the treeline. The path became more rocky and uneven; it slowed me down even more. 

After a miserable stretch of picking my way along icy scree, I was surprised to find Ymir. He was resting on top of a large boulder, drinking from his water bladder. 

He looked at me as I trudged towards him. 

I felt awful. Hours of climbing had worked up a sweat and I was feeling clammy beneath all the layers. 

It wasn’t just the cold and exercise, though. I could feel a telltale tremble in my fingers, and weakness in my knees. My body was struggling to adapt without a fresh dose of Blue, sweating and shaking in response. 

“You got any food in your pack?” I asked Ymir, leaning against the rock, looking up at him, “I don’t have any in mine.”

“We’re fasting,” Ymir answered, “None of us has any food.”

Aw, fuck. If he had warned me about this ahead of time, I had forgotten. What else was I going to have to deal with?

I slumped against the rock, shoving my hands into my pockets. I felt something under my gloved fingertips. It was the remainder of the smoke Phasma had given me. A small blessing.

I swung my bag around and pulled out the lighter. I sparked the end and took a grateful drag, pulling smoke into my lungs. 

Ymir watched me. He shook his head, eyebrow arching as I smoked. 

He was bundled up; a fur-lined hat covered his hair; instead of his usual jacket and half-cloak, he wore a heavy winter coat and thick leather gloves. There were snowflakes on his shoulders and in his beard. 

“I waited for you because we need to talk before we enter the caves,” Ymir said. 

That’s how I had caught up with him. He had stopped and waited for me. 

“I’ve spoken with Ren,” he continued, lips pressed together, not happy to be having this conversation, “I don’t care that he’s jealous. He understands that I won’t tolerate him bringing it into our work today.”

As I looked up at him, I wished I had landed on a different memory. I could feel Raj’s overwhelming, teenage love as if it were my own emotion. I knew what it felt like to have Ymir hold me in his arms. 

I took another drag off my smoke. 

Ymir slid off the rock, his pack hanging off one shoulder. “That’s how I’m going to treat our disagreement as well. I don’t have proof you did anything more than sleep with Rajendra. I will be looking into it, but for now, I’ll pretend that you told me the truth.”

What was he going to do? Question Raj? Thrall? Snoke?

The half-roll of t’bac was done. I threw the butt into the snow. 

“Sure thing, boss,” I said, and spit a shred of paper that had stuck to my lip. 

Suddenly Ymir’s hand was around my throat, pushing me against the rock. 

“What the fuck has gotten into you?” he growled. 

His breath puffed in my face. Anger blazed in his brown eyes. 

He had never lashed out like this towards me before. I had gotten him well and truly pissed.

I lifted a knee up, pushing him away with a firm motion. He let go of my throat.

We stood across from each other, both bristling. 

“Kylo Ren told me that you never wavered on Otomok,” Ymir said, pulling in breath, letting the moment of anger pass, “He told me that you joined their ranks, you knew their names, and, when the time came, you didn’t hesitate. The mission was a success, but I wouldn’t have guessed that by how you’re acting.”

I straightened the lapels of my coat, brushing snow off my shoulders. “It was a job. I did it. It’s over,” I said, hating the rigid defensiveness in my voice.

Ymir closed his eyes in frustration, making a little shake of his head, “You’re wasting my time.” He shouldered his pack, adjusting the straps. “I’ll see you at the caves,” he said, striding off in the boot prints Ren had left in the snow. 

**II**

I fell behind again. 

My boots kept slipping on the ice and rocks. My legs were burning as I struggled through the snowdrifts, climbing up the mountain. Above the treeline, the path grew very steep and narrow. 

The wind was fierce. I squinted, tears leaking out the corners of my eyes. I fought to keep my balance on the ice and loose rocks. 

All I could think about was what I lacked. I wanted another hit of Blue. I wanted caffeine. I wanted a meal. I wanted this day to be over.

There were other, more serious problems on my plate. Ymir saw me as an enemy. The entire point of doing the Otomok mission was to gain the trust of Ymir; I had thrown all of that away when I left with Raj. 

I wasn’t loyal to the First Order. I couldn’t even pretend to be. 

I thought of the men and women doing their first day of basic training beneath us in the valley. They would be ground down and sent to their deaths. This entire planet would be chewed up; it was just another piece of Ymir’s war machine. 

He was using me the same way. 

As the path became steeper and more challenging, I found my thoughts dissolving. All I could pay attention to was the movement of air in my lungs and keeping one foot in front of the other. 

I followed Ren and Ymir’s snowprints. I kept my awareness extended towards the energy of the Kyber crystals, using them like a compass. 

Eventually I arrived at the cave entrance - a gash in the rock, darkness inside.

I found Ren about twenty meters inside. He was in a cross-legged seat, hands on his knees, the mask over his face. 

The only light was a lantern sitting on the floor behind him.

Ymir was securing a rope around a large stone column. There was an opening in the stone floor. Now I understood why we had climbing equipment.

I could feel the energy beneath us. I reached out a hand and closed my eyes as I took a deep breath. 

Ren swung his masked face towards me. I could feel his anger, like an exposed wire. He wanted to hurt me. 

I smoothly unbuttoned my coat, making sure I had access to my lightsabers. 

My heart was still pounding from the climb. My legs were trembling, but if he wanted to fight, I’d give him a hell of a time. 

Ymir strode over, face lit from beneath in the lantern light. He put his hands on his hips, “Good, now that we’re all here, we can begin our work.”

Ren rose smoothly to his feet, looking even more like a wraith. In the dark cave it was hard to tell where his body ended and the shadows began. 

“Siobhan, you’ll head down first,” Ymir said, and escorted me over to the rope. 

His voice became a low growl in my ear, “If you do anything to provoke Kylo Ren, I will not help you. If you can manage to keep to yourself, he’ll stay out of your way.” 

It was abundantly clear that Ymir was not happy to be managing the fallout of my relationship with Ren. I didn’t want to get into it with him either. 

I dropped my pack on the ground and began unloading the gear I would need for the climb. 

I pulled on the simple harness, cinching it around my legs and waist. I clipped on the descender. Ymir demonstrated how to thread the rope through the two bobbins so I could control my speed by braking with friction on the carabiner. 

“It’s seventy-five meters to the ground,” Ymir said. 

I peered over the edge, unable to make out anything in the darkness. 

Ymir turned on a lightstick and tossed it down the hole. I watched as it tumbled to the bottom of the cave. Crystals glittered from below, they were purple in the blue light. 

“Your turn,” he said. 

I pressed my lips together, giving him a sarcastic little glare. 

I took my lightstick out and clipped it to one of my shoulder straps. 

Gathering the remains of my strength, I began the descent. 

There was a sloping edge to the hole in the floor. I eased my way down, slowly walking backwards over the edge, my hand on the brake line. 

The stone sloped steeply to a sheer drop. I kept letting the rope creep through the device, until my feet were on the edge, and my ass was hanging out into nothingness. 

I kept my legs extended, eased off the brake, and went over the lip. 

Seventy-five meters to the bottom. 

I slid down the rope, keeping control of my speed, my feet dangling. 

The cavern was enormous. I couldn’t make out the borders by sight. There was just the light on my chest and the tiny glimmer of light on the floor. 

It gave me a strange, disembodied feeling, like I was travelling through space. 

I made a sharp whistle, listening to the way the sound echoed. 

As I lowered myself through the darkness, I closed my eyes and extended my awareness around me. 

This physical experience was so similar to what I felt from the Darkside. It was empty and echoing, and somehow bursting with life and power at the same time. 

I began to get a sense of the cavern, beyond what my eyes could see. I was reminded how small I actually was. 

The past several weeks, I had been throwing my weight around, fighting and scheming, acting like I was the most important person in the room. 

Now I was dwarfed by rocks, ancient and still. 

Crystals lined the floors, ceilings and walls. There were huge columns of them, connecting the floor to the ceiling. They had developed over millennia, they would be here long after I died.

But they wouldn’t. 

Ymir was mining these gems. He would cut them from the earth and use them for his own purposes. 

My stomach clenched. I felt that hard place in my heart again. 

Finally, my feet touched the ground. 

I unhooked myself from the rope and gave it two firm tugs. 

“Made it!” I shouted, hands cupped around my mouth. I didn’t need to yell, but I wanted to hear my voice echo. 

The ground was uneven beneath my feet. 

I stood on some large beam of rock, a fallen stalactite. I unhooked the lightstick from my chest _levitating_ it near my head, keeping it supported under my power. 

I set my pack on the ground and began to climb out of my gear. I re-packed the harness, carabiners, and descender. 

The rope was swaying and jerking as the next person secured themselves. 

I decided to explore, hopping off the stone beam onto the ground. 

There wasn’t a clear path. The floor was marked with divots, holes, and irregular mineral deposits. Enormous stalactites and stalagmites grew along the ground and ceilings. I picked my way around the huge lattice structures and crumbling stone. 

Ymir was the next person to descend. It made sense; he wasn’t going to leave me and Ren alone together. 

He had his lightstick attached to his chest. Watching him moving down the rope gave me a better visual sense of the space. 

I guessed the cavern was one hundred meters across. I could feel the branching passages, tunnels, and chasms, stretching out through the mountain. 

Ymir made it to the ground and unhooked himself, tugging on the rope to signal Ren. 

He climbed out of his harness and repacked his supplies, taking a drink of water. 

I was nearby, not interested in spending more time with him, but knowing that he would have more instructions for me. 

Ren was above us. I could only see the movement of the rope; he hadn’t bothered with a lightstick. 

“Siobhan,” Ymir said. 

I made my way towards him, hands in my jacket pockets. 

“I intend for this to be a freeform meditation. I will not be providing any specific guidance,” he said. His tone was clipped, “I encourage you to move and explore as you will, and I expect you to be diligent in your practice. I’ll signal when the meditation is done.”

He still had his lightstick clipped to his chest. Mine _floated_ at my side. 

I met his eyes and gave a curt nod so he knew that I was paying attention. I didn’t have anything else to say to the man. 

I’d be wandering around in a cave for the next twelve hours. It was supposed to be training.

I turned on my bootheel and set out, happy to put as much distance between me and Ren as possible. 

***

I let my feet make the decisions. 

With my lightstick _suspended_ at my side I made my way through narrow paths, hemmed in by large rocks and towers of red Kyber crystals. I climbed over fallen columns of stone, and up into small, uneven passages in the rock. 

I tripped over uneven stones and indentions in the floor. Protrusions in the rock scraped at my shoulders and sides. Thankfully, I was protected by layers of clothing. 

My stomach was talking to me with a familiar, hopeless kind of rumbling. It had been over twelve hours since I had eaten anything. I was facing at least twelve more. It wasn’t my first time, but it had been awhile since I had to go hungry. 

I kept thinking about the Blue - still in my satchel, all the way down at the Base. I wanted the stimulant more than I wanted food. My thoughts kept finding ways to twist back towards it. 

As I explored the cave, I began to feel overheated. It was cool down here, but much warmer than it was outside with the wind and snow. Clammy sweat beaded on my temples and neck, a mix of exertion and withdrawal symptoms. I wiped at it with my forearms.

I took off the heavy winter coat and rolled it up into the backpack, taking a moment to look around me. I had no idea where I was. I hadn’t kept track of my direction or surroundings. 

Ymir would call us when it was all over. I was certain I could use the Force to navigate myself back. 

As I continued to walk and climb through the cave, my physical discomforts began to fade into the background. My body was just a machine, a vessel. I took air in, muscles moving to help me climb over rocks and into narrow passages. My pounding heartbeat, my sweat, were all just part of the experience.

The energy from the Kyber crystals was sweet and clear, like a breeze tugging at my hair and clothing. I let myself be moved by it - to move within it. 

It was so different than what I had experienced in Darth Bane’s tomb. I had been out of my mind on a strong hallucinogen. I remembered the energy having a drive to it, similar to the current of a river; there were pathways for me to follow. 

This was bigger, more expansive. 

Eventually, I found an alcove that spoke to me. It was a small space where two huge, crystal stalactites had collapsed and grown into one another, creating a crumbling, lopsided arch. 

I took off my pack and climbed underneath, taking an easy cross-legged seat. 

I closed my eyes and began to breathe. The expansion and contraction of my lungs created a steady ocean-movement in my chest. I began to _reach_ towards the Kyber crystals. 

My mind sank into the shared space of the Force.

It was like falling into a song that existed beyond sound. The melody was bone-deep, a chorus that was inside and outside of me all at once. From this place of connection, I began to let go, allowing myself to unfurl into the bright living power surrounding me. 

I drifted in sensation, feeling my body gently swaying, anchored to the rock beneath me by my legs and hips. 

My thoughts slipped past me - I was hungry - I needed sleep - my muscles ached - I needed Blue. 

That was just the surface layer. There was more beneath. 

The crystals felt like a living thing, _reaching_ for me in return, exploring me. 

I took my lightsabers in my hands. I took them in my open palms, the backs of my hands resting against my knees. I held them out like an offering. 

The memory of the grassland rose in my mind, as easy as the tide. On Korriban, I had to come to terms with the person I was. My father was a hero, and I was a Sith, relying on my passion and determination to keep me alive. 

‘Peace is a lie, there is only passion’ - the first words of Ymir’s screed. The Sith vows.

As the grassland showed me the image of my father, I had found my place to strike. I had burned that hateful creature to death, tearing it apart from the inside. 

Its screams echoed in the melody around me, joining the chorus. 

Something wet landed on my forehead, in between my eyebrows. 

I didn’t move. I felt the cave water roll down the side of my nose. 

Inside, I was sitting in the red dunes, watching my fire consume the grassland. Four green Kyber crystals lay in my hand, born from death and flame. 

The next memory flowed smoothly. 

I was on Otomok, sitting cross-legged on the floor, _reaching_ into the mountains to pull the tunnels closed. I prevented the freedom fighters from escaping their base.

When the stormtrooper units ran in, I heard the cries and screams of people who had found they were trapped with nowhere to run. 

Those screams joined the song, finding their place in the music. Sound swelled through the cave. 

More drops were landing on my face. They felt warm, but I didn’t try to wipe them away. It was all part of the meditation. 

I was in too deep; it was hard to separate my memories from reality. My body was out of sorts, my mind was strained from everything that had happened. 

I could see Rail and the look of hope in his face. He thought I was a Jedi, come to save them. I remembered the smooth motion of my arm as I put a blastershot through his chest. I saw the light going out of his eyes. 

The water droplets were falling more frequently, like a rainshower now, soaking through my hair and clothing. My skin felt sticky and warm. 

I remembered Ren with blood on his face, crimson against his pale skin. His eyes were wild - riding the wave of his power, completely focused on the battle. 

My face was wet. I tasted copper on my lips. My nose was filled with a thick slaughterhouse smell. 

As I fluttered open my eyelids, I realized that I was covered in blood. It was dripping from the crystal arch above me. 

I made a low groan of horror, dropping the lightsabers to the side, wiping at my face with bloodsoaked hands. 

The chorus of music, of energy, was at a fever pitch. 

I only managed to smear more blood across my skin. 

It was an illusion. It had to be. 

The warm red droplets continued to rain down on me. I _reached_ into the crystals, probing. 

This wasn’t like the grassland. I wasn’t being manipulated with fear. 

It was a message. They were trying to tell me something. 

I saw an image. It was vivid, too clear to be something inside of my mind. 

I could see the planet. 

I could see the weapon it would become. 

The chorus rose, crying out in pain and mourning. The crystals understood what was happening. 

They would be mined, shaped, and molded into a machine - a machine that would be used to kill trillions of living things. 

Blood fell like rain. Puddles overflowed into streams, flowing across the stone floor. 

I was crying, grieving, moaning in sorrow. I felt sick. 

The air was warm, a rotten humid feeling that filled my lungs.

I picked up my lightsabers and began to jog, my feet splashing in the sticky, red puddles. 

I was clothed, blood soaking through the layers and thermals, but at the same time I was naked, feet bare. My soles were torn open on sharp stones beneath me. 

Panic rose in my chest. 

I had to get out of here. 

I needed help. 

I refused to call for Ymir. He had led me here. He had caused all of this. 

There was a flutter of movement at the edge of my vision, and I turned towards it. 

Ren stood before me, a blue lightsaber glowing in his hand. 

There were three versions of him, shifting in and out; I saw his mask and cloak, the layers of black; I saw him from Otomok, a smear of blood across his face and danger in his gaze; he was a teenager, hair buzzed close to his head, his dark eyes wide with fear.

“Ren! There’s so much blood!” I called. I felt tears escaping over my lids. 

My hair was stuck to the sides of my face. Everything was red. 

We were standing in a tiny village. Fires burned in the background. Smoke rose into the nighttime sky. 

I heard screaming, young voices. 

I had seen this place in Ren’s memories. We were standing in the Jedi Academy. This was where Luke had tried to kill him.

“It’s always blood,” Ren said, his face now flickering between the black mask and his uncovered face on Otomok. 

He turned his back on me and I saw the boy again, with a shaved head and a blue lightsaber in hand. 

I turned around. There was a collapsed stone hut behind me. 

I followed Ren, just a teenager, along a stone path. 

Details kept shifting. Sometimes I could see the cave and glittering crystals around us. I felt blood beneath my bare feet. 

Ren’s image faded between the teenaged boy and the version of him in his mask and cloak. 

Ahead of us were six boys - two with their back to us, four standing ahead, all with their lightsabers engaged. It was a standoff.

Ren threw out his hand and the four boys on the offensive were knocked backwards, falling to the ground.

“This is your only chance to surrender,” I heard Ren say. He was young, but there was a coldness in his voice that didn’t match his age. 

I walked behind Ren, moving through his memory. 

He joined the two young men defending him. 

“You’re a monster!” accused one of the boys on the ground. 

Ren moved decisively. He pushed the humming blade of his lightsaber through his chest. 

I remembered the scrawny lookout, from my mother’s homeworld. I remembered firing right into his head - blood splattering across the windows and speeder seats. 

Ren turned to me, the Ren I knew, a wicked smile on his face. “You know it’s the truth,” he said. 

I heard the chorus of Kyber crystals rising around me, crying out, mourning their fate. It wasn’t their choice. They didn’t want to be used for destruction. 

“Not like this…” I said, my voice a hollow whisper in my ears. 

Ren turned to me, blood on his face, hate and anger in his eyes. He stepped towards me, hooded and masked. 

The mask changed, it was Darth Vader, the bogey man from my father’s stories. He was closing in.

“Siobhan Zhang, have you finally lost your nerve?” His was a deep voice I didn’t recognize. 

“No!” I said, heartbeat rising, jaw jutting forward, my lightsabers active in my hands. 

I was alone. 

I stood alone in the cave, my heart pounding against my ribs. 

My skin was dry. I was dressed in my layers. There were boots on my feet. 

The green lightsabers were the only illumination. Their light was reflected and refracted, hemmed in by thousands of red crystals. 

“There you are,” Ymir said. 

I whirled around to face him, naked, covered in blood. My swords were gone again. 

Ymir sat on top of a rock, the perfect image of meditation, serene and composed. He wore elegant black and gold robes. 

“Come sit with me,” he invited, in a voice beyond words. His face didn’t move. His eyes were closed, his broad features relaxed. 

I crept towards him like a scared animal. My footsteps were hesitant. 

I could see his dreams projected around him - soldiers, battles, fallen enemies.

Ymir was meditating on conquest and victory. 

“It’s so much blood,” I said, hating my pathetic tone, barely more than a whisper. 

I didn’t join him. I stood before Ymir as he sat on his rock. At once, he was directly in front of me, and also towering overhead. 

“And blood gives way to victory,” Ymir said, kindly and wise on his seat. 

“No,” I shook my head, “Only more death.”

Ymir laughed, his eyes opening. 

I remembered his brown eyes from when he made his promise to me, ‘Hold onto your hate girl, and we’ll meet again.’ I remembered his brown eyes in Darth Bane’s tomb, as he made his promise cutting through the hallucinations, ‘I’ll return for you.’

“That’s what you remember,” he mused, a faint smile on his broad face, “Tell me more. Tell me what you mean.”

My thoughts were tumbling through my mind, pouring out of me. 

I didn’t need to speak them. Ymir saw and felt everything.

> I’m standing in the cockpit of the First Order transport ship. 
> 
> Ren has blood on his face, vivid in the lights. 
> 
> Pax is snarling at me, venom and hate in his eyes. He calls me a cunt, spitting the words at my feet. 
> 
> TIE fighter squadrons rise through the uneven mountain ranges. Smoke is billowing from the bases they’ve destroyed. 
> 
> I watch the conscripted soldiers standing in the yard, shivering and sniffling. They hold onto their duffel bags with exposed hands and shaved heads. One day, these people will be helping the First Order destroy planets just as poor and shitty as the ones they were taken from.
> 
> Deacon screams in his sleep. He’s drunk, howling in pain. This man has seen one war shift seamlessly into another.
> 
> I see Luke’s face, dark and twisted with fear, raising his lightsaber over Ren. He was terrified another Vader would rise in the Galaxy.
> 
> My father tells me about winning the Battle of Endor. A decade later First Order banners go up in our town. The Rebellion’s victory was short-lived. 
> 
> I bury my father. Each push of my shovel is a vow to kill Ymir. 

My thoughts were flowing, bursting out of me. 

I should be cloaked, protected. Ymir shouldn’t have been able to see this. It had been so long since he could look inside my thoughts. 

I pulled myself away, stumbling backwards onto the stone floor. The sharp edges and points of crystals bit into my bare skin.

Ymir laughed, the sound booming, echoing in the space. 

I snarled and pushed myself to my feet. “You’ll never see victory! You’re just creating another generation of war!” I shouted. 

Ymir sat on his stone pedestal. He laughed with a wide smile and lines at the corners of his eyes. 

“So you’ll kill me, and then never kill again?” he leered, “My death will solve it all for you?”

I glowered at him. The blood on my skin felt like warpaint. 

His death wouldn’t be the end of it. I’d have to go through the entire First Order, starting with Kylo Ren. 

Ymir was rising, sliding easily off of his stone seat, “Don’t be self-righteous with me Siobhan. Your hands aren’t clean either.”

“They didn’t stand a chance,” I said as Ymir approached - larger and stronger than I could ever be.

He tilted his head, not understanding what I meant. 

“The freedom fighters, they never stood a chance against us,” I repeated. My fists were clenched at my sides. 

Ymir paused. There was distance between us, “You felt close to them,” he said. He was _reaching_ for me and I was exposed. He saw into my heart. “You respected them.”

I _pulled_ my energy in. I couldn’t afford to be this open, but I was ragged and frayed, unable to cloak my aura.

He could see all my emotions and intentions. 

Ymir was walking towards me again, “Those terrorists couldn’t defend themselves from just two enemies inside their base,” he sneered. He was goading me, pushing me towards a reaction. “They were weak.” 

I knew what he was doing, but I couldn’t stop myself, “They were innocent!” I thundered back, “That’s all your war is! Putting your boot on the neck of people who are already on the ground. That’s not a fucking victory!”

His smile was fierce and there was light in his eyes, “The strong do what they can, and the weak suffer what they must.” He was only a few steps from me, “Which one are you, Siobhan?”

I glared up at him, a twitch running through my arms and legs. Still, I didn’t back down, “I won’t be a cog in your war machine!”

I pulled my fist back and swung at Ymir's face. 

My fist found nothing. I found myself alone in the cavern, fully clothed.

I was near the entrance. The lightstick Ymir had thrown down was shining where it had landed so many hours ago. 

This wasn’t the end of it. 

Ymir had caused so much harm in the world, and he would only go on to cause more. 

My heavy coat and pack were gone, but my belt and lightsabers were secure around my waist. 

I _pulled_ the lightstick to me, shoving it into a pocket. 

It was time to kill Ymir. 

**III**

I tore through the cave, my awareness extended around me. 

It was impossible to know what had happened, what was real. Everything I had seen could have been an illusion, something that only I had experienced. I wasn’t sure if Ren and Ymir had actually been there, if our visions had been linked. 

None of that mattered. 

Ymir was a hurtful, evil man. He had gone on for long enough. 

I was going to kill him. 

I felt his aura and made my way towards him, travelling as quickly as I could over the uneven floor of the cavern, climbing over giant crystals, broken rocks, and debris. 

It was pitch black inside the cave. My blue lightstick was the only illumination.

“Siobhan!” Ren’s voice bellowed ahead of me. He wore his mask, his voice was harsh through the feed.

His red lightsaber blazed to life in his hand. The crystals surrounding him flashed in the crimson glow. 

I could feel his strength, his anger. 

“If you want to kill Ymir, you’ll have to go through me first,” he announced, blocking my path. 

So we had been connected after all. 

A vicious grin pulled at my face. 

My lightsabers were in my hands, green and steady. 

I moved swiftly towards Ren. 

This wasn’t practice. We weren’t showing off for each other. 

We fought as true enemies.

My first strikes came strong and fast. Ren deflected me; our blades sparked as they bounced off one another. 

“You traitorous bitch!” he snarled, lashing out at me. 

Ren was bigger, his reach was longer. But his anger was like a flare. I was able to follow his energy and intentions, reading his movements the instant before they happened. 

I drove forward, understanding the motion of his feet, where he wanted his blade to land. I blocked his heavy swings every time. 

Still, I wasn’t able to push him back. Ren could feel me in return. I had lost control of my aura. I was visible. Ren could sense my motions the same way I sensed his.

We were too close. We had spent too much time in sync. 

“Kylo Ren, the good soldier. You’re ready to die defending your Master!” I sneered. 

“You’re not strong enough!” he roared, charging. 

I held my ground, allowing him to get in close. I deflected his blade with one hand, and struck out at him with my second. 

He twisted to the side, dodging at the last moment. 

Our fight was reflected in the crystals surrounding us. Thousands of facets, thousands of eyes watching. 

Ren hated me. He had been open, vulnerable, and I had betrayed him by fucking Raj. He wanted to destroy me. 

This was his perfect chance. He could say he was serving Ymir, not that he was in a jealous rage.

We moved across the uneven floors, picking our way over the stones and divots, hammering at each other with our blades. 

Neither of us were able to find an opening. 

With each of my attacks, I found Ren just beyond my reach. 

When he struck against me, he always found one sword devoted to defense and a second lashing out. But I was exhausted.

The energy that was coursing through me at the beginning of the fight was nearly used up. 

I wouldn’t be able to keep going like this. 

My movements became more instinctual, trying to regain the advantage of surprise. If Ren couldn’t predict my strikes, I had the chance of landing a blow. 

Instinct made for sloppy fighting. 

I parried, and lunged, hoping to catch him off guard. 

My determination paid off. I moved in close and pushed forward with my left hand blade, pinning Ren’s right hand down. My right hand was raised above my head, descending to land somewhere near his neck and his left shoulder.

The lightsaber hilt was abruptly _ripped_ from my right hand. Without thinking, I stepped back, trying to figure out what happened. 

Ren took advantage of my distracted moment and began hammering at me again. 

I only had one blade to defend myself and I stumbled backwards, only barely fending Ren off. 

“Stop! Both of you!” Ymir commanded. 

The two of us were _pushed_ away from each other. 

I was pressed against a stone column. My lightsaber still blazed in my left hand. 

Ren was a few meters across from me. 

“Kylo Ren, this is not your fight,” Ymir said, striding forward.

I saw that Ymir had already hooked my lightsaber onto his belt. 

I struggled against the power he was using to restrain me, _pulling_ myself free. I dropped to the ground, armed lightsaber still in hand.

Ren was looking to Ymir. He did not want to leave, but he wasn’t going to disobey his Master.

I knew that if both men came after me, I was done for. 

“Go. Now,” Ymir ordered Ren, “I’ll meet you at the base.” His words were firm and calm. 

“Like hell you will!” I roared, charging him, my blade at the ready. 

Ymir extended a hand towards me and I was _thrown_ backwards. I flew a dozen meters, smacking against a tower of crystals. 

I cried out, moving a hand behind my head, trying to protect my neck. My remaining lightsaber dropped into a nest of sharp stones. As I crashed onto the ground, pointed rocks drove through the layers of clothing, some drawing blood, others only pressing painfully. 

Smoke began to rise as my lightsaber seared into the stones, an acrid smell rushing upwards.

“You’re a dead woman, Siobhan,” Ren snarled, walking away, his cloak swirling behind him. 

I scrambled to my feet, _summoning_ my sword into my hand. 

Ymir hadn’t used his full strength against me for so long. I hadn’t been able to defend myself when he threw me across the cavern floor. 

It was a bad sign. The ability to cloak my aura had been my main advantage. Ymir was bigger than me, stronger than me, and now he could read me like a book. 

I stood for a moment, catching my breath. My hair was wild around my face, both hands holding onto the hilt of my lightsaber, glowing green in front of me. 

Ymir was several meters away, standing empty-handed. My second lightsaber was firmly hooked to his belt. 

“I’ve never felt you this raw before. You are completely unbalanced,” he said, slowly approaching. 

“Those people had nothing!” I shouted at Ymir.

Ymir _reached_ for me, prodding into my mind.

> I’m holding Denna, suspended off the ground. I pull the blaster from her. 
> 
> I’ve never seen a person look at me with so much fear. 
> 
> Brennan stands, alone and exposed, in the interrogation room. 
> 
> His shoulders slope with fear and resignation. He knows he can’t stop me.

I was frantically closing off my mind. I didn’t want him to see this. I didn’t want him inside my thoughts. 

I stood, planted on the stone, my lightsaber held in front of me, the only light in the space. A tremor of exhaustion and fear ran through my arms. 

“Oh Siobhan, you’ve never had power of your own before,” Ymir said, “Is that what you’ve been hiding from me? Is that what you are so afraid of?” 

His voice was strangely gentle. 

“You can’t do this to people!” I shouted. My blade wavered in my hand. 

I was armed, and somehow, I felt so weak.

Ymir stepped closer. 

“It’s the natural order of things,” he said, still unarmed, “It’s why you left your mother and brother. They were weak.”

Hot tears began to flow down my cheeks, blurring my vision. My breath came in pathetic little gasps. I didn’t dare move a hand to wipe at my eyes. 

“Pax wasn’t weak! Brennan wasn’t weak!” I cried. 

Ymir stopped, drawing himself up, considering me, “This is why I wanted you as my student,” he said, “You care so deeply about others, and still you’re so ruthless. Kylo Ren doesn’t know how to leave himself open that way.”

“Don’t compare me to him!” I snarled. 

Ymir laughed, a genuine sound. “What did he do, Siobhan?”

“He tortured Pax when he didn’t need to.” I hated the sound of my voice, too loud and choked with tears, “It was nothing to take their memories, but Ren wanted to hurt Pax.”

> Ren steps forward, running his fellow student through with his lightsaber. 

“Is that what I’m going to become!?” I roared. 

Talking wasn’t going to solve anything. 

Before I knew it, my feet were propelling me forward, blade extended towards Ymir.

He was too dangerous to live. 

He moved forward to meet me. Our blades connected, green sparking against amber. 

We exchanged a flurry of attacks, and I was driven backwards. Ymir was ahead of every move. 

“You can’t win like this, Siobhan,” he warned, face underlit in the golden glow of his sword, “You are completely exposed. I can see every action you want to take.”

I rallied my strength and let loose with another onslaught. 

This wasn’t a challenge for him. He blocked every strike with calm motions. 

I was sweating. My shoulders heaved with my breath. 

“You’re frightened,” Ymir said. He _reached_ into me again.

> There is hope in Rail’s eyes, the moment before I kill him. 
> 
> Flip looks at me with hate as he realizes my betrayal.
> 
> Raj is beneath me, provoking me. 
> 
> Viciousness and cruelty rise in my heart, an unfamiliar feeling.
> 
> I reach into his mind, looking for an intimate moment, something private and close to him. 
> 
> Raj can’t hide from me. I enjoy his helplessness. 

I cried out, staggering backwards. A scrabbling, frantic sensation filled my mind as I struggled to keep Ymir out of my thoughts. 

Blindly, I rushed forward, making wild swings at him. 

He blocked every single one, and I noticed that he wasn’t striking back at me. 

I stopped, putting distance between us. Ymir didn’t push the attack. 

“You’re frightened of yourself,” he said, telling me how I felt, “Of what you’re becoming.”

Rage was coursing through my veins, pumped by a leaden heart. 

I made another roar and moved to attack, but Ymir was ahead of me on the offensive. 

His swings were powerful and precise. 

“We all have to face our true selves,” he said, infuriatingly calm. 

I defended myself, moving backwards, losing ground. 

I could see the hilt of my second lightsaber on his belt, taunting me, just out of reach. 

Our fight on Korriban had felt more equal than this, even though I had been malnourished and mostly untrained. 

Ymir was steering this fight. He had complete control. 

“I still see that fire, that resilience,” Ymir said, getting in close, “But you’re like an open wound.”

Our blades crossed. 

I _reached_ for the hilt of my second lightsaber, attached to his belt. Ymir took advantage and used his leverage and strength to push me to the ground. 

“No!” I screamed. 

I struggled under his weight. Ymir’s bare hand was on the back of my neck, pushing my face into the ground. 

He had my second lightsaber in his hand, hooking the deactivated hilt onto his belt. 

The cavern was pitch black around us. 

“Are you willing to die like this?” Ymir asked. His knee was pressing down on my upper back, between my shoulderblades, resting on my spine.

I moaned, spit flying from my lips. One side of my face was scraped raw from the crystals beneath. 

“You’re better than this,” he said. The fingers of his free hand brushed my exposed cheek, “You’re frightened and you’re angry. Don’t throw your life away for nothing.”

I was sobbing now, my breath ragged, shoulders shaking. Ymir’s knee was heavy against my back, keeping me in place.

There was no way out. Ymir was right. I couldn’t fight against him, not like this. 

If I kept going, he would kill me. 

My option was no option at all. 

“What is your answer, Siobhan?” Ymir asked. 

“I want to live,” I cried. 

“Good,” Ymir said, his voice smooth. He didn’t release me, “Are you ready to obey?”

“Yes!” I choked, fresh tears moving down my cheeks. 

“Yes? I’m allowing you to live, Siobhan, show me some respect,” Ymir demanded, pressing me harder into the stone. 

“Yes, Master.”

I had never felt more defeated in my life. 

With my two lightsabers still hooked on his belt, Ymir climbed off of me. 

I wanted to move. I wanted to climb to my feet, and dust myself off, but I was paralyzed by shame. 

My hands balled into fists, and my eyes squeezed shut as I sobbed. I could feel my mouth, open and twisting down, an ugly shape. My knees pressed against the ground. 

There was a faint clicking sound and blue light spread around us. Ymir had a lightstick hooked onto the front of his jacket.

He took a seat next to me, his hand flat against my shoulder. He spoke softly, “After all this time, I was starting to think you were unbreakable. It looks like even you have your limits.” 

His words stung, but he was right.

He hadn’t broken me on Korriban. He found me hurting and weak, but I had resolved to fight. It was my successful mission against the freedom fighters that had done me in. 

I didn’t know who I was anymore. I was in a completely different world now. I couldn’t just go back to Vin and Ahobri, but I hadn’t found a home in the First Order. 

From my position on the floor, I tried to control my breathing, to return to myself. 

I was alive. That would have to be enough for now. 

“I am willing to forgive this outburst,” Ymir said, a hand running along the back of my head, smoothing my hair, “But I expect some honesty from you in return.”

His voice was too calm. I couldn’t ignore the threat beneath it. 

“I’m going to ask you some questions,” he continued, his hand sliding down the back of my head and down to my shoulders, petting me like an animal, “If you lie, I will reach right into your mind and take whatever I want. Do you understand me?”

“Yes,” I said. 

Ymir waited. 

“Yes, Master.”

It was humiliating. Fresh anger was bubbling in my chest, but there was nothing I could do. 

“Let’s start with something simple,” Ymir said, “When was the last time you slept?”

I pushed myself up. Ymir returned his hand to his lap. 

I wiped at my eyes, brushing dirt off my face, “Not since Commander Watt’s ship.”

Ymir nodded, “I believe that. Why weren’t you sleeping?”

“I was afraid of my dreams,” I answered. I stared at the ground, my hands drawn into fists. 

He didn’t ask a question. He waited for me to elaborate. 

“I’ve been dreaming about my father and about Korriban,” I finally said. “The last time, Ren was there, he could see into it. I didn’t want to have another nightmare and I didn’t want him in my head.”

I wanted to draw my knees into my chest. I wanted the floor to swallow me whole. 

“You have to let go of your fear,” Ymir said, “You’ll have the dreams you have, painful or not. Take what is useful from them and move on.”

My lips were twitching. I was determined not to cry again.

“I’m curious about your interrogation with Brennan,” Ymir said, shifting gears, “Why did you remove his restraints?”

“There was no reason to be cruel. I wouldn’t gain anything by hurting him. He couldn’t hide his memories from me. He wasn’t able to fight back.”

Ymir was nodding now, thoughtful. “That’s something I admire about you,” he said, “You have empathy, but it doesn’t prevent you from doing what needs to be done. I assume that’s why you had your fit over our shipment of soldiers?”

I gave him a look, brows drawing together. 

“You grew up at the bottom, so it’s easy for you to put yourself in their place,” he said, “There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s why I entrusted Captain Phasma with their training and not, say, Commander Watts. She can relate to them and set the example.”

I waited. 

“So, tell me why you suddenly hate me so much.” Ymir’s expression was open, there was even a little amusement in his eyes. 

What a fucking question.

I turned my head, taking in the cavern. The Kyber crystals glittered around us as we sat on the floor. “When I turned against the freedom fighters, it was exactly what you did to me and my family.”

For the first time, I had Ymir’s full attention and respect. 

It took me a while to find the rest of the words I wanted to say to him. “Without the Force, we would have needed a full team to do what we did. I could just take the information I needed. I was able to reshape the mountain and trap them inside,” I let out a long angry sigh, “You walked into my home, and we couldn’t do anything to stop you. My father had already given up. He had surrendered and you just cut him down anyway…”

My jaw was clenching, mouth twisting again. 

I wasn’t going to cry. 

Ymir had a hand out, resting on my shoulder, “Would you ever give this power up?” he asked, gazing into my eyes. 

“No,” I answered, shaking my head. 

“You are now stronger than most people in the Galaxy. Every fight you are in, from here on out, will be unfair,” Ymir said, “It’s one of the reasons why the Jedi tend towards non-violence. It is less of a temptation for them to use their power, and it prevents them from taking advantage of their abilities.”

I was looking into Ymir’s eyes. 

“I want to be your teacher. I can show you how to wield this power for your own purposes.”

“You just use it to control people,” I spat. 

Ymir brought his hand up to my cheek, giving me a rough couple of pats, “Your moral compass is charming. I still haven’t figured out exactly what your code is,” he said, cautioning me, “I’ve watched you take every opportunity to lie, cheat, and steal. So don’t try to preach to me.”

I glowered at him. 

“Did Raj strike a deal with you, or make any kind of offer?” Ymir asked, sudden enough to give me whiplash. 

“No,” I replied in the same angry, sullen tone. 

“I expect you to tell me when he does,” he said, rising up in a smooth motion. 

He offered me his hand. I took it. 

Ymir helped me to my feet. “Come down the mountain with me.”

I did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was such a blast to get Book 2 out into the world. I loved introducing new characters, worlds, and drama!
> 
> I really like Kylo Ren as a villain. For the first two movies (won’t give spoilers for Rise of Skywalker), we see him presented with the choice of doing the right or the wrong thing, and he purposefully chooses to do the wrong thing. We’ll see how he evolves in Book 3.
> 
> I wanted to see a story from the perspective of a woman who has a lot of flaws, isn’t perfect at everything, but is generally enjoying herself and trying to have a good time. :)
> 
> Again, thanks so much for reading! I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments. 
> 
> If you have any questions/theories/something from the story you’d like to know more about, leave a line and I’d be happy to do a post on Tumblr!


	19. Posting a Tumblr Essay: Bad-boys and the Women Who Save Them- Kylo Ren/Rey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy Wednesday!
> 
> I don't have a new chapter to share yet, but I thought I'd post the essay I was talking about. I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about the Kylo Ren/Rey romance from the movies. It's one of the main inspirations for this fanfic. 
> 
> The essay is up [on my Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/andromeda-rising-897)
> 
> I've been updating Tumblr during this writing vacation :) I'm planning to make a post about The Sith Acolyte, where the idea came from, and some behind the scenes stuff about the story. 
> 
> Book 3 will start February 12th!
> 
> Thanks for reading!

**Spoilers and Triggers:** This piece has spoilers for Rise of Skywalker. There will be some discussion of intimate partner abuse and abusive behavior generally.

**Where it all started**

The first movie I ever got to see in theaters was Beauty and the Beast, a rite of passage for a 90s kid. Over an hour and a half Disney shows us a bright young woman fixing a man with a beastly personality. Fast forward to 2017, I’m watching The Last Jedi. Rey and Kylo Ren are in the throne room, and Kylo is trying to bring Rey over to the Darkside. He’s been emotionally manipulating her the entire movie, and his final ploy is to say “You’re nothing, but not to me.” I am completely absorbed in the movie and I have this immediate reflexive thought, “Motherfucker, are you negging me?”

I really wish Rey called him out on his shit, but that moment never happens. They fight over the lightsaber, and the movie rolls on. For all of The Last Jedi, Rey tries her best to bring Kylo over to the good side, and he doesn’t budge. Instead, Kylo bullies and undercuts Rey, and purposefully makes the wrong choice every time, despite his internal conflict.

This is a well-worn trope; a bad-boy needs the guidance of a woman, a romantic interest, to finally become the good person that he truly is deep down inside. This trope is used often for storytelling because it creates so much tension and drama. It winds up causing harm because it normalizes abusive behavior in romantic relationships and puts the burden on a woman to change the man she’s in love with. I want to explore this trope in the Star Wars sequels, talk about ways that it can be changed or subverted, and show some examples of how other storytellers got it right.

My perspective: I’m a massive Star Wars fan, and absolutely love Kylo Ren/Adam Driver as a character. This isn’t a hate piece. I’m frustrated with Reylo because a lot of the excitement centers around changing a damaged adult man, “If only he meets the right woman, then he’ll be different!” We need to cut that shit out.

This piece is going to talk primarily about heterosexual relationships and the gender binary so I want to acknowledge that men experience intimate partner violence in heterosexual relationships. I’m going to talk about this trope and gender-flipping later on. I also want to acknowledge the abuse that happens in LGBTQIA relationships. This dynamic is very poorly understood and too often goes unaddressed.

**An Imbalance of Power**

The first issue with presenting Kylo Ren and Rey as a will they/won’t they romantic relationship is that there is a power imbalance from the very first moment they meet in The Force Awakens. Kylo and Rey’s first encounter is a physical fight, where Kylo knocks her unconscious and then interrogates her. This is also the first moment where Rey gets under his skin and makes him question himself.

Kylo goes on to murder his own father, after powering through a moment of doubt. Then, even after getting shot with Chewie’s crossbow blaster thing, he continues to fight Rey, cornering her on a cliff edge. We get a second moment between them, where he offers to be her teacher in the Force. She refuses him, continues to fight, and leaves him defeated with a lightsaber burn on his face.

This is not a meet-cute. I remember sitting in the theater and wondering what possessed Kylo to offer to be her teacher in that moment. He is actively trying to kill her. Every other interaction they’ve had was marked by violence. Why the fuck would she go with him?

Still, there is some kind of tension between them, and thus, Reylo was born.

One of the problems stems from the portrayal of Rey’s strength and resilience. Kylo Ren is terrifying, he doesn’t take off his mask for the entire first half of the movie, so all we see is some tall powerful man, stalking around in black. We see Rey metaphorically peeling back the layers, and literally does so when she’s the first person he takes his mask off for. Rey fights him despite her fear, which makes it seem like only a woman strong enough can change a man like that.

The Last Jedi ramps up the tension between Kylo and Rey, mainly through emotional manipulation, not physical violence, until their final interaction. Throughout the movie they experience a Force Bond, that allows them to communicate and see into each other’s hearts. It’s intimate.

I thought those scenes were very powerful, but Kylo uses those moments to try to break Rey down. He digs into her insecurities about her parents and shows her the moment Luke turned on him. When they’re in the elevator, each one thinks they have the upper hand on the other. When Kylo kills Snoke, Rey thinks it’s all in the bag, but Kylo stays with the Darkside, going on to fight an astral projection of Luke Skywalker.

It was so irritating to watch Rey run around that whole movie trying to make men behave like heros. She starts off with Luke, ultimately convincing him that he needs to take some action to save the Resistance. She does the same thing with Kylo, calling him Ben, his given name, and tearfully pleading with him to make the right choice for once.

All of Kylo’s behaviors towards Rey were cruel and dismissive. The only action he takes that helps her is killing Snoke, and even that was self-serving. Kylo assumes the title of Supreme Leader and is now in complete control of the First Order. They end the movie, decidedly, as enemies.

Still Reylo persists, because of his fascination with her. There’s something there, but it’s all emotion, touch, and soulful looks at one another. None of Kylo’s actions have been caring or kind. This is not the foundation for a romance.

I want to reiterate, it’s been two movies by this point, and Kylo Ren has only interacted with Rey through emotional manipulation and violence. In The Last Jedi, we got the distinct sense that Kylo is externalizing his emotions. It’s very clear that this is all that he knows; that fact shouldn’t be dismissed, but it can’t excuse his behavior either.

Growing up in abusive environments affects people in different ways. Some people shut down. Some people act out. Some people internalize the hurt, and others learn to externalize their pain. It can be a combination, and different behaviors can arise throughout a person’s lifetime. People deserve care and attention to help them heal from trauma, but that is not the responsibility of a romantic partner. Just because a person experienced hurt doesn’t mean that their own hurtful behavior should be excused.

Which takes us to the problem at the core of this trope. As a romantic partner, women should not be responsible for changing the actions and behaviors of violent and abusive men. Full stop.

This trope is damaging because it presents a woman as special because she’s caught the attention of a powerful man, then goes on to present the woman as powerful because she’s “strong” enough to change him.

It is never about her or her feelings.

She takes the abuse, has to handle it herself, and must have enough emotional fortitude left to take care of a man. That’s a problem.

**Why is it a problem?**

I grew up with this plot device. As a babygoth back in the nineties, we had Buffy and her relationships with Angel and Spike. Angel’s morose self-flagellation was juicy enough to get its own spinoff, which I watched religiously.

I get why these plotlines exist. They have a bad-boy struggling with himself. They have a woman that they can present as strong. These relationships get to play out a will they/won’t they tension that can stretch over multiple seasons. The relationships can end tragically. All of it makes for interesting stories and really entertaining TV.

An important note is how few examples of this trope exist where the genders are reversed. Try to imagine a show where there is a powerful female villain with internal conflict, and a man chases after her, consoling her, supporting her, always giving her another chance, she continues to make the wrong choices, but every now and then she shows up and says she feels bad about what she’s done.

Imagine if the genders were reversed in the Star Wars sequels. Leia and Han have a daughter (Daisy Ridley) who is turned to the Darkside (that would have been amazing), and then Adam Driver plays a scrapper hiding out in Jakku (he would have done a fantastic job). Imagine seeing him running around after a terrifying woman, pleading with her to do the right thing, that there is still good inside of her, and every time we think she might have found a turning point, she makes the wrong choice and continues to be violent against him.

Mainstream examples of this are hard to find. There’s been some exploration of this with X-Men Dark Phoenix and in The Hunger Games, but overwhelmingly, women aren’t given the same treatment.

For men to be heroes, they fight the bad guy. Even with Luke and Vader, there is still a swordfight at the end. Luke definitely uses his words, but what we all remember is the lightsaber duel. Good vs. Evil.

Women are presented as nurturers and caretakers, even in romantic relationships and a hero’s journey. If we had made Rey a male character, Kylo would have spent the entire time in physical combat against him. I guarantee they would not have had the Force Bond scenes set up in the same way.

What highlights this trope even more is how women are portrayed when they become the romantic partner of a villain and join him in crime. They are seen as being even more evil than their partner. They are completely reviled. Skyler White was absolutely despised by the Breaking Bad fanbase, even though she was just trying to find a place in all of Walter White’s bullshit. As an older example, consider Carmilla Soprano, wife of mob-boss Tony Soprano.

The most famous example is Harley Quinn and The Joker. She is completely devoted to him and while she’s a fun character, she’s portrayed as completely insane. We also have Bellatrix Lestrange and Voldemort. Bellatrix is terrifying;, she’s an incredible villain, and she is completely devoted to Voldemort. She doesn’t exist without him. We get to write these women off as certifiable. They certainly don’t get the sympathy and patience that men get in the exact same situation. They are barely people, just another prop for the evil men they support. No one is trying to save or convert these women.

The closest we get to a counterexample is the Batman/Catwoman relationship. Notably absent is the power dynamic. Batman is strong, wealthy, white, and male. They play cat and mouse. There is a certain amount of emotional turmoil, but Batman isn’t tearfully chasing Catwoman around trying to convince her to change her ways.

Why I dislike this trope so much is the real world implications it has. First of all, it says that men can change abusive and violent behavior, but only if the right woman comes along. That is not her responsibility, it is his responsibility and his alone. It also encourages women to ignore their intuition, enduring abuse in the hope that one day he’ll be different. Unfortunately, this plays out all too often in domestic violence situations, regardless of gender. The offending partner tends to operate with a cycle of behavior where they are sweet and charming, escalate into abuse, apologize, and restart the good behavior before eventually abusing again. The abused partner can blame themselves, hold onto the memories of when things were going well, and eventually become isolated and alone in their pain.

We’ve seen tabloid media play out these stories. I grew up with the narrative of Courtney Love and Curt Cobain. She was demonized and blamed for Curt’s suicide, despite her own history of abuse and addiction. Curt is portrayed as a tortured hero and artist, so why didn’t his woman fix him?

When Mac Miller died of an overdose, Ariana Grande was dragged through the mud and blamed for his addiction and death. This also played out in the abuse Rhianna as she suffered at the hands of Chris Brown.

In all of these cases, the women also have a history of abuse and pain, but they are expected to be the saviors of their male partner. The women don’t get treated with the same care and empathy; instead, we ask them, “Why didn’t you save your man?”

**Redemption**

Let’s get into Kylo Ren’s redemption arc. If you haven’t seen Rise of Skywalker, this is your Spoiler Alert.

The movie picks up right where it left off, from a romance-plot perspective. Kylo Ren and Rey’s interactions are marked by violence, intimidation, and manipulation. He fucks with her to the point where Rey destroys a ship that she believes is carrying Chewbacca. Kylo Ren is doing what he’s done for the entire series. He’s behaving in an evil way, and purposefully throwing Rey off her game.

Kylo Ren’s moment of change comes after Rey stabs him in the belly, and then heals him. His epiphany is delivered by his mother, who uses the very last of her power so that Kylo can have a pep talk with his Dad (who he murdered in The Force Awakens).

After that, Kylo Ren is a good guy. He goes on to help Rey against Palpatine, sacrificing his life to save hers. They kiss. Kylo smiles for the very first time in three fucking movies. Sitting in that theater, I was completely swept up and emotional. I was definitely crying when he smiled. Adam Driver is the best. His chemistry with Daisy Ridley was undeniable.

But let’s look at the facts.

Kylo Ren never made the decision to turn to the Light independently. He fought against Rey every single time. The epiphany wasn’t his, it was the last attempt by his mother to change him. He was really only good for a single act. He never had to deal with the consequences of his actions. Because he died, no one had to grapple with them having a relationship afterwards. Kylo never had to apologize to anyone. He never had to make significant and long lasting changes to his behavior. His redemption, as emotionally powerful as it was, was ultimately very weak.

Let’s take a look at a series that got the bad-boy redemption arc right.

Avatar The Last Airbender is some of the best TV that’s ever been made, right up there with The Wire and The Sopranos. A lot of folks on the internet and on Tumblr have compared Avatar’s Zuko to Kylo Ren. I want to talk about his redemption arc specifically.

For a children’s cartoon, it would have been so easy to make Katara the savior to Zuko’s wounded bad-boy character. Seriously. She was the mother of the group, taking care of everyone and listening to their troubles. The writers could have even had a little love triangle between Katara, Aang, and Zuko. Instead, Avatar does something different.

Zuko’s redemption arc is entirely self-guided. Throughout the series, he has impactful moments with the good guys and with his uncle, but the decision to do the right thing is all his own. Most importantly, he has to sustain it himself. We see Zuko actively choosing not to resort to rage. We see Zuko changing his habits even when it’s hard. He has to learn how to process the trauma of his childhood, his relationships with his sister and his father. Instead of developing a romantic relationship with Katara, they are friends and that relationship is built on gaining trust and maintaining it. It’s so good! And they accomplished all this nuance cartoon series meant for kids. In 2008.

Rise of Skywalker would have been a much stronger movie if they had the same kind of arc for Kylo Ren. They had the actors for it. Adam Driver could have absolutely portrayed Kylo Ren changing his behavior and dealing with the consequences for it. Instead, they went the easy route, deciding that one moment of self-sacrifice at the very end was enough. As much as I enjoyed their kiss, it was superficial. They had built up all this romantic/sexual tension between Rey and Kylo Ren, but he had only ever treated her with cruelty the entire time, up until that very moment. That is not a good message to send.

Intimate partner violence is far too common. We should not be normalizing these tropes. We still blame the survivors of this violence and willfully ignore how big the problem is. When we push these stories, men get the message that their pain is more important, that their suffering is more important, and that women are solely responsible for the emotional labor in a relationship. Women get the confusing message that they are “strong” for being able to endure the abuse and change an emotionally damaged man.

Throughout the entire Star Wars sequels, we never focus on Rey’s pain the same as we do Kylo Ren’s. She was abandoned and mistreated for her entire life, and then the Skywalker quest fell in her lap. She’s a girl who just wants a home and a family. If she had allowed herself to be consumed by pain and fear, no one would have followed her story. Instead, she gets to carry the burden of her own suffering, then take Kylo’s hand and guide him through his pain, too.

There is nothing wrong with the dynamic of the bad-boy teetering between a choice of right and wrong. There’s nothing wrong with having that be combined with a romantic relationship with another character. What’s important is that we acknowledge that the struggling man is fully responsible for his own choices, and that violence, control, and manipulation are not expressions of love. We need to see redemption arcs that recognize each person is in control of their own actions. Redemption doesn’t come via a single act, but through a true commitment to change, even when things are hard.

I want to see more TV and movies where the damaged men go on their own emotional arcs of self discovery and change. This happens with heros but usually not with the villains, even the ones that switch sides. They need to make this journey separate from a romantic relationship with a woman.

People can change. People do need love and support to change, but it can’t all be placed as a burden on a girlfriend or a wife. It is not her responsibility, and it furthers a harmful trope. Having a conflicted character take responsibility for their actions is ripe for drama, makes for exciting storytelling, and helps us avoid the error of glamorizing abusive behavior.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that Reylo can be a contentious topic. I wanted to put my thoughts all in one place. I think Kylo Ren is a fantastic character, but I don't like the dynamic they established across the three movies. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! I'm working on more Tumblr posts that aren't strictly fanfic, so if you liked this check me out over there.
> 
> I always love to hear your thoughts in the comments!


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